The Boys (2019) s03e02 Episode Script

1
[announcer] This Thursday on VTV:
Television for Women
I guess I'm just searching
for a more purposeful life, Mr. Adana.
The Church of the Collective
can offer you so much more.
We can offer you a family.
[Deep] Mr. Adana, tell me the truth.
Are you having me followed?
I had to find out
if you were putting the Church first,
before your career.
Before everything.
You branded me with your initials!
It's enough.
I am afraid that you have become
a toxic personality, Deep.
Then you've left me no choice but to run.
[gasps, grunts]
[sobbing]
[announcer] Not Without My Dolphin.
Brought to you by Lean Lady
frozen dinners, by Vought.
Tonight, simulcast live
across VBS, VTV, VNN,
Vought Soul and Voughtemundo,
join me for my annual
Birthday Spectacular,
along with my cocaptain Starlight,
as well as Emeril Lagasse,
Rascal Flatts, Supersonic,
the cast of Riverdale, Dame Judi Dench
and, of course,
my dear friend Black Noir
[TV audio fades]
[Homelander] Hey, William.
Goddamn the pusher man, am I right?
You really gonna shoot
that shit in your veins?
You know, I think I just might.
Odds are you'll die screaming.
[Butcher]
Well, I've gambled more for less.
[Homelander] I don't think
you're gonna do it.
Turn yourself into a Supe?
That's a new low, even for you.
[Butcher] Oh, I can go lower.
I can go straight to hell.
[clicks tongue]
[person] Butcher, you have to stop.
Please. For Becca.
This would break her heart.
Becca don't care what I do.
She's dead.
[yells]
[horns honking]
- [panting]
- [laptop chiming]
Hello, love. A bit early, isn't it?
You said I could call you after 8:00.
It's 8:03.
Ah, yeah. Right you are.
Are you okay?
Yeah. Hunky-dory. Why?
You look tired.
Ah, just, uh,
had a naff night, that's all.
No sleep.
Did you watch the video I made?
Uh, no, no.
I, uh I ain't had a chance yet.
[Ryan] I think you should watch it.
It kind of helps me
when I don't sleep so good.
Yeah, look, I told you,
I'll watch it later.
Are you mad at me?
No, uh of course not.
Look, you're your mother's son.
And I'll always watch out for you.
Just how I promised.
All right?
- [monitor beeping]
- [wheezing]
Hey there, sleepyhead.
Rise and shine. Big day.
Anything a little extra special
about today? Hmm?
[Stormfront wheezing]
It's my birthday, silly.
Hmm?
Okay, just blink if you want to
wish me a happy birthday, hmm?
[wheezing softly]
[sighs]
Okay.
[Starlight] Okay,
so Red River is a group home
owned by a Vought subsidiary, of course.
I guess that's where Vicky grew up.
You mean Nadia?
God, I'm a fucking idiot.
I should have seen it.
- How could you have seen this?
- I don't know.
Maybe when she killed Rayner
or when she blew up Congress.
Goddamn it. [scoffs]
[groans]
[Starlight] Maybe we leak it to
The Times.
No, she could head-pop everybody
in the office, me included.
Wait, wait, you're going in?
- Call in sick.
- We We have an all-hands at 3:00.
I've never missed one before.
What if we tell Butcher?
We tell Butcher I've been
a Supe's sidekick for a year?
Oh, Christ, he's never gonna
not torture me for this, is he?
Well, maybe he won't.
[scoffs] No. No, no, no.
Look, we can handle this ourselves.
All right?
Just don't do anything.
- What, crazy, stupid?
- No.
Don't do anything until I get back.
- Okay?
- You're leaving?
Yeah, it's the sound check
for Homelander's stupid birthday special.
Wait for me.
Yeah. Okay. Sure.
Baby, baby, baby
Got your license to drive ♪
- You got your license ♪
- Got your license to drive me ♪
[Supersonic] And pop, pop.
Head slide.
- I'll slide tonight. Thank you.
- Uh-huh.
Whew! Still got it.
Looks like you're back on
the "Sweet As I Wanna Be" tour.
Oh, wow. No, this is humiliating.
That song was gross when I was 18.
I sing it now, they're gonna make me
keep a thousand feet from schools.
Then don't sing it.
That's easy for you to say.
You're already in The Seven.
I-I don't want to make waves.
Trust me make waves.
Hey, Jay, um, could we run
my segment now, actually?
- 'Cause I only have a few lines.
- Of course. Yeah.
Where's the fire, Starlight?
[chuckles] What, are you on a break?
Sir, happy birthday. I'm
- Supersonic, right?
- Yeah, that's right.
- Great to meet you.
- You, too.
Yeah. You're a real, uh,
contender on American Hero.
Keep it up. We could be teammates.
Oh, wow, I hope so, sir.
Of course, it doesn't hurt
that the show's judge
used to get come-drunk
on your chorizo picante.
[stage manager] Homelander, sir,
we're loading the prompter
- with Starlight's revisions.
- Sure.
- Revisions?
- Yeah.
I had Bruce make a couple of tweaks,
- gave you some more juicy stuff.
- No.
- After all, you are cocaptain.
- [scoffs]
Need you front and center.
- Roger, cue these up.
- Yes, sir.
Thank you.
You know, I got to admit,
I was a little unsure about this.
But now, honestly, I am just so excited
about what's coming.
- Partner.
- [stage manager] Ready for rehearsal.
[knocking]
[sighs]
All right, mate?
Bloody hell, Janine. You shot up.
You remember your Uncle Billy, don't you?
Here. I got this for you.
You and your dad can build it together.
523 pieces of family fun.
[Mother's Milk] Okay, one, you don't
just pop up here. You call first.
And, two, eff Soldier Boy.
I don't give a mother effin' doo-doo
how he checked out.
Ah, bollocks.
He didn't die like no hero.
I'll wager he went out on his knees,
begging like a right cunt.
What the f [exhales]
Sorry, love.
[quietly] Look, if there's a weapon
out there that killed Soldier Boy,
then it can kill Homelander.
And that's got to be worth something.
Now, we're working our way
through his old team.
Frenchie and Kimiko are starting
with the Crimson Countess,
and I'm gonna hit up Gunpowder.
Sounds like you got everything covered.
This ain't just anyone.
It's Soldier Boy.
You could close the book on him
once and for all.
For your dad. Your family.
Fuck off with that shit.
[breathing heavily]
My father died hunched over a desk,
obsessing over a dead man,
while he was ignoring
his two living children.
And I almost did the same thing to her.
Thanks for coming by.
You're doing a bang-up job with her, mate.
Butcher, hold on a second.
I might have one thing.
[sighs]
[opens folder]
[kids] Everyone's a hero at VoughtLand ♪
Everyone's a hero ♪
[announcer on PA] Welcome
to Brave Maeve's Inclusive Kingdom.
Everyone's a hero at VoughtLand ♪
Everyone's a hero ♪
[announcer] Don't forget
to get your photo with Brave Maeve.
Everyone's a hero ♪
- You're the real hero.
- Smile.
[person] Cotton candy here.
[person 2] Doughnut burgers.
Get your hot doughnut burgers.
Que c'est Hamburger
with a doughnut for a bun?
Truly, there is no God here.
Everyone's a hero at VoughtLand ♪
[announcer] Homelander: Extreme Flight.
Come on. You want to wait three hours
for a three-minute ride
that is a monument to a monster?
Since when?
Okay, first, work, then pleasure.
Oui?
Okay. Let's go. Come on.
Everyone's a hero at VoughtLand ♪
Everyone's a hero at VoughtLand ♪
- Thanks.
- You're welcome.
Everyone's a hero at VoughtLand ♪
Everyone's a hero ♪
[Frenchie] Mon coeur.
[lively, excited chatter]
Everyone's a hero at VoughtLand ♪
[announcer] "Soldier Boy:
A Musical Journey"is about to begin.
Get your tickets now.
[dramatic music playing]
[narrator] Soldier Boy grew up
in the birthplace of American liberty.
Born poor on the mean streets
of South Philadelphia,
he learned the values of hard work,
tenacity and bravery.
He used those values to prove
America's exceptionalism to the world.
Okay, boys, let's give
these Krauts some hell.
[narrator] He defended us
against the encroaching Red Menace.
Congress, I have a list right here
of avowed Communists.
[narrator] He helped guide America
into a brighter future,
and along the way,
he found the love of a good woman,
which made his sacrifice
all the more noble,
when he gave his life saving us
from a nuclear holocaust.
Please join us in saluting Soldier Boy.
[scattered applause]
When the night ♪
Was dark ♪
And the dawn ♪
Was cold ♪
From sea to shining sea ♪
And mountains' majesty ♪
He did it all ♪
For the red, white and the bold ♪
[drumbeat plays]
- 'Cause he's ♪
- [music swells]
America's son ♪
A shining beacon of freedom ♪
He's America's son ♪
[Crimson Countess] Next!
[snorting]
- [exhales]
- [door opens]
You seem a little old
for the Countess Tea Package.
We're young at heart.
[Crimson Countess] Oh, sweetie.
Can't you talk?
Would you like to hear something new?
Okay.
Chimps don't cry ♪
No, chimps ♪
Don't cry ♪
You know that chimps
are physically incapable of crying?
But that doesn't mean
they're not crying on the inside.
In the heart of the jungle ♪
Just trying to stay alive ♪
It takes more than just bananas ♪
For a species to
Wh What are you [shouts]
Wh What are you Ow!
Don't let her hands touch!
Ow! Let go of me, you bitch.
No fireball if your hands
don't touch, oui?
You stay quiet and relax.
- She will hurt you.
- What do you want?
We want to know about Soldier Boy.
What the fuck do you care
about Soldier Boy?
We want the truth about Soldier Boy,
not the merde you've been giving us
in your appalling show.
How did he die? Who killed him? Talk.
The show is the truth, motherfucker.
- [knocking]
- [door opens]
- [person] Three minutes with the Countess.
- He died a hero.
[grunting]
- Just no turning back ♪
- Oh, my God. [gasps]
You can't tell ♪
They're hurting ♪
'Cause their eyes stay dry ♪
[screaming]
- Inside ♪
- [baby crying]
They're suffering in solitude ♪
Chimps don't cry ♪
No, chimps ♪
Don't cry ♪
[Frenchie] Allez.
We got to go. Come on.
They can't cry ♪
[sighs]
[straining]
Goddamn it.
[grunts]
[thuds]
[shouts] Fuck!
God
[ringtone playing]
Hughie, my man.
You okay?
A-Alex? Uh Uh, where's Annie?
She's actually onstage with Homelander.
It's a crazy fucking day, man.
Yeah, yeah. Uh, so glad
that you're you're there with her.
Um, hey, why'd you, uh
why'd you pick up the phone?
Well, you called three times
in the last three minutes.
- Is anything wrong?
- No, no, everything's good.
Everything's fine.
Just tell her that I called, okay?
- [phone beeps]
- Uh
It is such an honor
to be with you all tonight,
celebrating my my dear friend
and mentor Homelander.
Now, before we bring out Dame Judi Dench,
I would like to take a moment
Uh, hey, Jay. What's that?
I'm supposed to be announcing
the Starlight House.
You sing me "Happy Birthday."
Fun, right?
Go on. Go for it.
Happy birthday to you ♪
Happy birthday to you
Happy birthday ♪
[stammers] Hold on, hold on,
sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry.
Um, Starlight. [chuckles]
Listen, Starlight, I-I [sighs]
hate to direct you, but, um,
we're gonna need a little more
"JFK just got rimmed out by Marilyn"
version.
It's got to fit with the routine.
A-Actually, show her the routine.
[laughing] You're gonna fucking love this.
[band playing "Happy Birthday"]
- That's your backup.
- Okay
[Starlight] Okay, uh, hold on, everybody.
Okay, ladies, thank you.
Just stand down, okay?
Real quick.
Can I talk to Roger?
- [stage manager] Uh, yeah, sure, abso
- Problem?
I have concerns.
- You do?
- Mm-hmm.
Oh, okay, well, uh, what are they?
- It's demeaning.
- It's demeaning
to sing your friend "Happy Birthday"?
Are you gonna sing all sexy for me
on my birthday?
Starlight, where wh-what's
with all this animosity?
Hey, um, can we just have
one minute, please?
- Yes. Go.
- Thank you.
Hey, um Okay.
- For the record
- Mm-hmm.
I know you don't care
whether I sing or not.
This is a juvenile attempt
to get me to look like a sex doll
instead of a cocaptain.
[chuckling]
I'm not doing it.
I have an idea.
Why don't you lighten the fuck up?
Come on, you're gonna sing
the shit out of this song.
Ready? Let's hit it.
[Edgar] If Starlight doesn't want to sing,
she doesn't sing.
Stan. What a surprise.
[Edgar] Our testing shows
that 76% of likely viewers
will make every effort to watch tonight
for Starlight.
As for you, 53% might DVR.
I think that that means that she can
call her own shots. Don't you?
So how about I just walk, Stan?
How would that rate?
After the PR hole you dug
for yourself this past year,
I'd say you're lucky
we're putting on this farce at all.
But hey, it's your party.
You can cry if you want to.
- Damn, Annie.
- Hmm.
What happened to you in New York?
I started making waves.
[Ashley] Thank you so much for coming in.
Have you met my new development exec?
Hi. I'm also Ashley.
Uh-huh.
We are super curious to hear
what you have for us today.
- Mm-hmm. So curious.
- [A-Train] I've been thinking a lot
about all the ways
that I can contribute around here.
Maybe I can't run as fast as I used to,
but I've never just been
the world's fastest man.
There's a lot of layers to the A-Train
that people haven't seen yet.
Such as?
Well, I'm also a-a strong,
very proud Black man.
Right, Seth?
Seth, come on, man.
Tell them.
Right. Um [clears throat]
The Seven have been dipping
in the African American demo.
Our numbers for Dawn of The Seven
have been soft.
People of color don't tend
to react well to Nazis.
Facts.
We thought a rebranding of A-Train
maybe could change that.
If done tastefully.
- A rebranding. [chuckles]
- [A-Train] So, listen,
we start with a docuseries on Vought Soul.
A-Train to Africa.
Boom. [laughs]
The art's, uh, just a mock-up.
It'll trace his family's journey
from the plains of Africa
all the way to Vought Tower.
Yeah, like, I want to get back
in touch with my roots.
Like in Roots.
And for the Gen Z's,
a state-of-the-art interactive
learning experience.
Is that a video game
about the slave trade?
It's some powerful stuff.
It's really something.
I even had LJ redesign the suit.
You know, for the culture.
- I want to introduce it tonight.
- Oh, yeah, no.
Let's have a beat on that
and think about that.
- Okay. Wow.
- Okay.
Thank you so much for that pitch.
That was so well told.
Mm-hmm. So well told.
All right. Yeah.
We're gonna discuss with the team
and-and get back to you.
- Cool. Yeah. Thanks.
- [laughs softly]
See you tonight.
- [exhales]
- [door closes]
I'm kind of surprised
that they didn't buy it in the room.
She hated it.
What? No.
Man, she said it was "well told."
Yeah, that's code
for she fucking hated it.
Look, man, she didn't buy it
because it's total bullshit.
You couldn't care less
about your African roots.
You know it, and she knows it,
and frankly, Africa knows it.
Yeah?
You don't have a fucking dick.
[birds cawing]
So, uh, where at Vought do you work?
Um, uh, the Tower,
social media, up on 47th.
Um, I'm sorry, you said you don't get
many potential parents?
Well, you know what kind
of a home we are, right?
Yeah, no, of course, it's a group home
for the s-super-abled.
Mason, please get down from there.
Yeah, uh, so many tragic stories,
but, uh, with the right attention,
uh, they can bounce back so quickly.
[grunts]
Yeah, they're little treasures.
[clears throat]
Geez. [gasps]
Teddy Stillwell, we don't teleport.
- Can I play with my toys?
- Yeah.
So, their their parents, they're, uh
[Vanessa] Well, uh, some of the kids,
they discovered their gifts quite early,
before they were able to control them.
But listen, I-I'm sure
you'd be perfectly safe.
[laughs softly]
Hey, can you can you, uh
Can you show me the rest of the place?
- Uh, what did you want to see?
- Anything. Whatever you got.
- Oh.
- [whimpers]
Sorry, what, uh what is it, Teddy?
Hey, wait a minute. I know you.
You're Starlight's boyfriend?
- Uh
- And you work at the bureau.
- Uh No, no, I can
- This is highly irregular.
Hey, hey, I-I-I can explain.
Um, okay, the-the truth is
[softly] Starlight is-is the one
that sent me here.
I'm completely sterile.
Doctor says my sperm are bad.
Like, really, really bad,
like a bunch of fat, dead tadpoles.
But we-we want a kid, and, um,
she wanted to keep it quiet,
so she sent me here to cover for her.
I-I was never here, by the way.
We just want to keep it
about love and not publicity.
You know?
[Vanessa] This is fantastic.
With a superhuman mother,
there is far less chance
of parental fatality.
Oh, yeah. That's great.
[clears throat] That's great news.
[Vanessa] So I have a few standouts
I think you'll be pretty thrilled with.
You mind if I, uh,
just kind of flip around a bit?
Oh.
Thank you. Thank you.
Sorry. Move this over.
Sorry. [clears throat]
[Vanessa] Is there anything in particular
that you're looking for?
Um, boy, girl?
No, you know, we don't really
see gender that way.
- [Vanessa] Well, Samir is South Asian.
- Mm-hmm.
[chuckles] That is very hot right now.
No, that sounds great.
- Wh Uh, Samir Right here? Okay.
- [Vanessa] South Asian.
[scoffs]
[psychologist] Nadia, do you know
why you're here today?
Did I do something wrong?
Not at all. You've made so much progress.
That's why you're here.
You're getting what you've always wanted.
You're-you're adopting me?
[Edgar] No, I can't adopt you, sport,
not technically.
It's more complicated
than you need to worry about.
But you are a very rare
and exceptional girl,
and you're coming with me.
I'm gonna take care of you now.
Is that all right?
"It has been a terrible, horrible,
no good, very bad day.
My mom says some days are like that.
Even in Australia."
You want me to read it again?
- Actually too old for that.
- Oh, you smart-ass.
Scoot. Let me talk to your mom.
Bad days do happen.
Maybe I need to read this to you.
You have. About a million times
before bed.
[chuckles]
- Anything in the news?
- Still nothing.
Good.
[taps couch]
Tony was a friend of yours.
I understand why you'd be upset.
Somebody at Vought dropped the ball.
I can't have people showing up
at my work calling me Nadia.
A cleaning crew sterilized the site
within 15 minutes of the incident.
No witnesses have come forward.
And if they do, we'll deal with them.
The same way you dealt with Tony.
Come on, sport.
Haven't I always taken care of you?
[Edgar sighs]
[guard] Welcome. Next.
- [beeping]
- Ah, ah.
Oh. Sorry, mate.
Here you go.
Nice piece. Welcome.
Next.
Come through.
This country rocks, this country rolls ♪
No matter if you're young
Or if you're old ♪
You can stand up for the red
White and blue ♪
And cheer for the freedoms
That it gave to you ♪
[Gunpowder] And I'll tell you something,
if "Dakota" Bob Singer
gets elected president,
well, you say hello
to left-wing socialism.
'Cause I'll tell you this right now,
he is gonna follow the George Soros
globalist playbook to a T.
Step one, oppress the citizens
and confiscate their firearms.
Step two, have it all gleefully reported
by the so-called news media.
- [person] Fake news!
- [Gunpowder] And step three,
in every classroom around the country,
they're gonna teach your kids
to hate America,
the Constitution
and the Second Amendment.
Good for us, the silent majority,
and the Vought Rifle Association,
let me tell you something, we are armed
and we're ready to fight back.
Thank you for coming,
ladies and gentlemen.
[cheering, applause]
Don't forget, two-for-one
on hollow-points on the way out.
Use the promo code "Gunpowder."
God bless y'all.
- [neck cracks]
- [grunts, sighs]
[trickling]
Excuse me, Mr. Powder.
I'm your number one fan.
I've bought all your rifles.
Every one of them.
That Vought VR-15. Ooh.
That is a hell of a gun.
Smooth trigger pull.
Smooth.
I'd shake your hand,
but, uh, well, you know.
Well, I appreciate that.
[gun rattling]
[pants zip]
- [toilet flushes]
- [exhales]
Yeah, I followed you
since your Payback days.
I mean, 14 years old,
picked to be Soldier Boy's sidekick.
He was a great man.
Well, it's nice meeting you, buddy.
You must've been chuffed, eh?
Helping him on his missions,
letting him watch you on the bog,
stick his finger up your bum a bit,
give him a sloppy little nosh.
All in a day's work
for a young ward, innit?
Like I haven't heard that sidekick
pedo shit a thousand times before.
Why don't you do me a big favor,
buddy, and fuck off.
You're right. I'm sorry.
That's a filthy, unsubstantiated rumor.
Goddamn right it is.
Till now.
This is a complaint you filed to Vought,
begging to be taken off Payback
on account of, and I quote,
"Soldier Boy's habitual abuse."
Of course they buried it,
Vought being the cunts they are.
That right there is a fake.
- Course it is.
- I'm sorry, who are you?
I told you. Biggest fan.
And I want to help you.
Keep shtum.
Be a crying shame
if your red-meat faithful out there
found out you were Soldier Boy's
underage nob-gobbler.
Now, all I want to know
is what happened to him,
and you're gonna tell me.
Or maybe I put a bullet in your head.
You do that,
and it'll be all over the Interweb
within an hour.
See, buddy, I don't give a shit.
'Cause that never happened.
Soldier Boy never touched me like that.
[door opens]
[tires squealing in distance]
[gunshot]
[panting]
[gunshot]
- [gunshot]
- [groans]
Oh, fuck.
[panting]
[panting]
[shell casing clinks]
[hissing]
- [groans]
- [shell casing clinks]
[car alarms blaring]
- [sirens whooping]
- [chattering]
[cameras clicking]
[person] Oh, my God! Don't jump!
[panting]
Hi, Chelsea.
It's your lucky day.
Well, considering.
You're-you're my annual birthday save.
- Don't come any closer.
- Life is a precious gift.
To throw yours away would be
a real slap in the Lord's face,
don't you think?
You don't want to go to hell
for all eternity, do you?
I'm Jewish. I
All right, well, regardless,
just step back from the ledge, please?
Okay, that's good.
Just don't be afraid of the zoom.
You're not Roger Deakins.
Mike, frame up. He could
be flying down any second.
- Yep. You got it.
- [phone chimes]
Oh, fuck.
Come on, look. I'm here now.
If you jump, I'm just gonna
fly down and save you anyway.
It's all futile and
[no audible dialogue]
Sh-She wouldn't
It's my It's my birthday.
She
- [high-pitched ringing]
- [stammering]
She
You probably don't know this
because, you know, Jew,
but Jesus wasn't born
on the 25th of December.
That was piggybacked
off a pagan festival, and guess what.
Today is not my birthday, either.
Nope.
Don't know when it is,
but sure as hell ain't today.
This was just chosen for me
by a marketing department.
I mean, I can't even
have a birthday at all.
I wasn't born.
I was just poured
out of a fucking test tube.
Immaculate conception.
I know exactly how he must have felt.
Jesus.
[exhales] You give and you give
[stammering] You give
your whole fucking life,
and what happens?
People just tear you down.
Why do people destroy their gods?
H-How is it fair that you get saved,
while a beautiful, perfect god
gets killed?
You know what, Chelsea?
I think you should jump.
I-I don't think I want to.
You don't want to?
Why don't you show a little
follow-through, Chelsea?
- Jump.
- Please, I I just want to get down.
I'm not suggesting anymore.
Jump.
No. No, please.
[crying] Oh, God, oh, God.
No, no, no.
No God.
The only man in the sky is me.
How the fuck did she bite off
her own tongue?
Stormfront Million Dollar Babied herself.
- That's horrible.
- Oh, so
[people screaming]
[sirens wailing in distance]
[Janine] Daddy? It smells smoky.
[alarm beeping]
It's okay, baby, I got it.
[grunting]
Fucking piece of shit.
Shut the fuck up!
[alarm stops]
[panting]
I'm sorry.
Baby, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
[sniffles]
[chattering]
- Hey.
- Hey.
- [Victoria] Hughie.
- [chuckles] Hi.
- Hey, where you been?
- Uh
You know, just, um, working from home.
Oh, my God, your hand.
Yeah. Yeah, no, that's
It's nothing. I'm fine.
- So, who's Nadia?
- Nadia?
Yeah, Scotty said some guy
came in yesterday, asking for Nadia.
Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
No, there was, there was a guy,
um, and he
he was looking at your picture,
he said your name was Nadia,
said he knew you
- from, like, way back when.
- You weren't gonna tell me?
Uh, no, I mean, it was just some guy
off his meds, seemed like, yeah.
I'm sorry, I-I mean,
you're missing work, your hand.
- Lot going on.
- Hmm.
Is there something I should know?
[footsteps approaching]
He was with me.
I'm sorry for stealing him
away from you, but
we had some things
that we needed to discuss.
- Very loudly, actually.
- [both chuckle]
- We made quite the scene at Panera.
- Oh.
I mean, it's a miracle
nobody recognized me.
Yeah, sorry, I was, I was trying
to preserve just a tiny,
little shred of my dignity,
but, uh, we had a fight.
We didn't leave things in the greatest
place, so I thought I would come by and
- Check up on me?
- Well, I was worried about you.
Yeah, well, you know I can
handle some things by myself, right?
Okay, I'm just trying to help.
I don't always need your help.
You don't have to treat me like I'm a kid.
Here I was thinking
that I was treating you like my boyfriend.
Well, you
This is actually none of my business,
so I'm just, I'm gonna go.
Good-good luck with all of that.
- Oh, and Hughie?
- Yeah.
Cut her some slack.
You shouldn't be afraid
of a powerful woman.
[laughs softly]
Oh my God.
Uh, thanks for the save, by the way.
What are you doing here?
What am I doing here?
Well, uh, Alex said
that you were acting weird,
and I've been calling you
literally every five minutes.
- So
- [sighs] Right.
Shit. Sorry, I left
my phone off at Red River.
I thought we were gonna
handle that together.
I know.
I'm sorry.
And you're bleeding.
I know,
because I can't open a fucking jar,
because I can't do anything fucking right.
Hughie.
- [Hughie sighs]
- What's going on?
Vicky was my friend.
I know her daughter.
She-she-she surprised me
in the office on my birthday.
We used to roll through that office
like we were the fucking Untouchables.
I thought things were finally,
finally going my way.
God, what a goddamn joke I am.
Hey, that's not true, Hughie.
Oh, um
I may have signed us up to adopt a child.
[doorbell rings]
[Todd] Hey, look at that.
- There you go.
- [grunts] Seven Tower.
- [Todd] Amazing.
- Bye, Dad.
[Mother's Milk] I love you, baby.
- I love you, too.
- Mmm.
All right.
Is Monique here?
Uh, Monique, Marvin's here.
Hey, you gonna stay
for Homelander's birthday special?
I got some brats on the grill.
Think I'll pass, but thanks.
Oh. [laughs]
[Mother's Milk] You know
I've been trying, Monique.
Been trying to stay away from all of it.
The Supes.
Butcher.
For Janine.
- And for you.
- I know.
But this
This Soldier Boy thing came up,
and you know the baggage there, I
I tried upping my meds, just
You're having bad thoughts again.
And the tics and the compulsions.
Monique, I lost my shit
in front of Janine.
It's like, Soldier Boy, he's like this
this steel sliver
inside of my brain, after he
I don't know what to do.
You need to go back to Butcher.
That's what.
I never wanted to try to turn you
into something you're not.
I-I hate that you're making yourself
sick over it.
Maybe I can't be with you anymore, Marvin,
and I am so sorry for that.
But you should go do what you have to do.
Face this shit down.
Please don't tell Janine about this.
About any of it. My pops, none of it.
I just want to leave her out of it.
Janine will be right here, waiting.
Just stay safe for her.
[crowd on TV] Stormfront was right!
Stormfront was right!
Stormfront was right!
[reporter] The Stormchasers
marched in Portland today,
- mourning their fallen idol Stormfront
- [Frenchie clears throat]
when violence broke out between
Mon coeur. Look.
- Look at this.
- [screaming on video]
Six Flags in Queensbury. We go tomorrow,
we ride the Greezed Lightnin'
and, uh, Steamin' Demon
until we vomit
the doughnut hamburgers, huh?
I know.
Little girl.
No
Mon coeur, no.
[scoffs]
That wasn't your fault.
[sniffles]
[trembling breaths]
[sniffles, grunts softly]
[siren wails in distance]
[Becca] Hi, buddy.
I'm sorry I'm running late.
I thought I'd have time
to sneak in a haircut.
It always takes longer
than I think it will.
There's some Double Stufs in the pantry,
but only two, mister.
[chuckling] More than two,
and I will know.
Okay. I'm hanging up now.
Just wanted to tell you
that I love you and I'll see you soon.
So, I love you, and I'll see you soon.
[ringtone playing]
[sighs]
Butcher?
You all right, mate?
Hey, um
Frenchie told me about Crimson Countess.
What the hell happened?
We was chasing down something, but
I-I'm gonna knock it on the head.
Y-You was right the other day.
Things are good.
Ryan's good.
I should leave it well enough alone,
before I go and fuck it all up.
You there?
Neuman's a Supe.
She's the head popper.
Yeah, what?
Yeah, she's pretty much
Stan Edgar's daughter, too.
Past year of my life has been a waste.
I thought we could fight Vought the
right way, but we can't. It's all rigged.
If we're gonna take them down,
we have to do whatever it takes.
We have to do it your way.
Butcher, you there?
[panting softly]
You got to be fucking kidding me.
Get your ass off of my car.
Why you protecting Soldier Boy?
If he'd have slipped me a length,
I wouldn't hesitate.
I'd throw him to the fucking dogs.
[chuckles quietly]
[laughing] Oh, shit.
[Butcher grunts]
[straining]
[grunting]
Okay, okay.
[grunts, spits]
Please.
Soldier Boy used to slap me
around a little bit, all right?
It was just hazing
that went too far, all right?
- That's it.
- What fucking happened to him?
He didn't die in an accident, all right?
The whole nuclear meltdown thing,
it was just bullshit.
I fucking know that. What killed him?
I don't know.
I-I don't know! I don't fucking know!
All right? We were in Nicaragua,
in fucking '84,
but I didn't see it happen.
- Well, you must have seen something.
- I didn't see shit.
Fuck, I was just a kid.
Ask the others. Ask the fucking CIA.
- CIA?
- Yeah.
Yeah. We were working with the CIA.
Who was the case officer?
Grace.
Grace Grace Mallory.
All right? Fuck.
Look, please.
Please, look
Look, I told you everything I know.
All right? Please, just-just
I know you did.
But it don't change what you are.
- [grunting]
- [punches thudding]
[grunts]
[yells]
[yells]
[panting]
["You Got Your License
to Drive (Me Crazy)" playing]
Your road's getting wetter ♪
You're so fine ♪
When you're cruising in your Jetta ♪
Cruising in your Jetta for me ♪
Cruise in your Jetta for me
Baby, baby, baby ♪
- Got your license to drive ♪
- Oh, finally ♪
Got your license to drive me crazy ♪
Come on, pretty baby
Make me feel so alive ♪
- Got your license to drive ♪
- License to drive ♪
Now that you're 16 ♪
Me crazy ♪
[cheering, applause]
[laughs]
Yeah.
- What the fuck is he wearing?
- [A-Train] Yeah!
What the fuck is he wearing?
Yeah, all right. Let's hear it
for Supersonic, everybody.
Get me fucking wardrobe.
Get me fucking wardrobe
so I can fucking choke them out!
All right, so now, I would like
to bring out our cocaptains.
So let's give it up for Starlight
and the man of the hour himself,
Homelander!
[cheering, applause]
[patriotic music playing]
Happy birthday, Homelander.
- Hey, thank you.
- Yeah.
I can see your girdle,
you disgusting fat fuck.
[chuckles] Get off the fucking stage.
[cheering, applause]
Wow, I'm so honored
to be with you guys tonight
to celebrate my dear friend
and mentor Homelander.
I'm here to do more than wish you
a happy birthday, though.
I'm thrilled to be announcing
a project that is near
and dear to my heart.
The Starlight House
is a nonprofit foundation
dedicated to helping
homeless and at-risk youth.
Hey, Homelander! Your Nazi died!
[crowd murmuring]
Did he just say his Nazi died?
[guard] Let's go.
[grunts]
[stammers] Homelander
He's just, he's a human.
He's just like the rest of us.
And we all make mistakes, right?
But we all deserve second chances.
In that spirit, Homelander has agreed
- to donate $10 million
- [laughs softly]
- to the Starlight House, which is
- No.
I mean Come on. Give it up.
Give it up for this guy.
- No. No.
- [applause]
- No.
- [applause stops]
Starlight lied to you just now. She did.
I don't make mistakes.
I'm not "just like the rest of you."
I'm stronger. I'm smarter.
I'm better. I am better.
I'm not some weak-kneed fucking crybaby
that goes around fucking
apologizing all the time.
And why the fuck would you want me to be?
Go to fucking commercial, Roger.
Go to fucking commercial.
[Homelander] Don't you dare
stop rolling, Roger!
All my life, people
have tried to control me.
My whole life.
Rich people, powerful people
have tried to muzzle me, cancel me,
keep me impotent and obedient,
like I'm a fucking puppet.
You know what? It worked.
Because I allowed it to work.
And guess what. If they can control me,
then you can bet your ass
they can control you.
They already do.
You just don't realize it.
I'm done.
I am done apologizing.
I am done being persecuted
for my strength.
You people should be thanking Christ
that I am who and what I am,
because you need me.
You need me to save you.
You do.
I am the only one who possibly can.
You're not the real heroes.
I'm the real hero.
I'm the real hero.
Baby, baby, baby ♪
- Got your license to drive ♪
- You got your license ♪
Got your license to drive me ♪
Oh, yeah, crazy ♪
Yeah, yeah ♪
- Come over here, baby ♪
- Let's go ♪
Got your hands spread wide ♪
- At ten and two ♪
- Ten and two ♪
I'm gonna take you to driving school ♪
I'm hugging those curves ♪
Got your hands on my wheel ♪
- When you grab that stick ♪
- Grab that stick ♪
Gonna make your tires squeal ♪
Dangerous curves, she's my sweet 16 ♪
Make my engine purr
You're my teenage queen, oh ♪
Baby, baby, baby
Got your license to drive ♪
Got your license to drive me crazy ♪
Come on, pretty baby
Make me feel so alive ♪
- Feel so alive ♪
- Got your license to drive ♪
- Got your license to drive ♪
- Now that you're 16 ♪
Me crazy ♪
Yeah, baby ♪
Yeah, yeah ♪
- I've got you ♪
- Got those tightjeans on ♪
You're on a mission ♪
The seat goes back
Put my key in your ignition ♪
Slip on over to the passenger side ♪
Now, baby, baby
Got to show me your ride ♪
Dangerous curves, she's my sweet 16 ♪
Make my engine purr
You're my teenage queen, oh ♪
Baby, baby, baby
Got your license to drive ♪
You've got your license ♪
Got your license to drive me crazy ♪
Come on, pretty baby
Make me feel so alive ♪
- Got your license to drive ♪
- Got your license to drive ♪
Show me your license
And drive me crazy ♪
Baby, baby, baby
Got your license to drive ♪
Oh, finally ♪
Got your license to drive me crazy ♪
Come on, pretty baby
Make me feel so alive ♪
- Got your license to drive ♪
- Got your license to drive ♪
Now that you're 16 ♪
Me crazy ♪