The Disastrous Life of Saiki K. (2016) s01e03 Episode Script

Episode 3

The miraculous illusionist, Uryoku Chono,
is about to begin his Super Magic Show.
Hey, you should come watch too.
I'll show you an amazing miracle.
I already see it. I'm good.
You're not sure about this, are you?
That's fine. With just one look,
you will be fascinated by amazing tricks.
If he's trying that hard,
I guess I'll watch.
Here, we have a perfectly ordinary box.
That's not ordinary at all.
There's nothing inside, of course.
Oh sure, you can't see the partition
from that angle.
But! If I do this
How about it, kid? Amazing, right?
It's not amazing at all.
More importantly,
when are you going to use that dove?
Next up is today's main event!
Superlatively amazing super illusion time!
My assistant Michael will
now teleport from one box to another.
Come on, Michael.
"Michael"? "Mr. Ike" suits him better.
Michael is now in the box.
Is he rolling his tongue?
-How will he move from one box to another?
-This is exciting.
What sort of face should I be making
at a time like this?
He's so confident that it bothers me.
But I'm more worried about
this guy.
I'm opening the box.
Hold it. Michael hasn't made it yet.
What sort of face should one make
at a time like this?
Maybe this one?
I'm begging you, Mr. Ike.
It's not my fault.
You opened it too early, kiddo.
Come on. Where's my 500 yen?
But nobody gave us any money.
This time, I can't pay you.
What? You're still here?
A tip? That's all right.
I wouldn't take money from a kid like
I completely forgot about him.
How can you forget
that you have a dove on your head?
How did you know he was in there, anyway?
Could it be
You must be an aspiring illusionist!
That's how you knew.
Sure, let's put it that way.
I cut a tragic figure for you today.
Maybe I'm not the right person
for the job.
I was an ordinary salaryman
just a few months ago.
But I messed up.
-Here we go.
-I got laid off.
-My wife left me not long after that.
-I missed my chance to leave.
I couldn't pay rent, so I got kicked out.
My career, my wife and my house
were all gone because of one mistake.
That's when I decided
to become an illusionist!
What a bad idea.
If everything around me
can disappear like that,
I must have a talent
for making things disappear.
-A heck of a misinterpretation.
-So, I leaped into my newly chosen career
and made my debut as a street illusionist.
Like I said, bad idea.
If I can make 1,2 million yen
and buy the equipment
for sawing a woman in half,
-surely my wife will come back.
-I'm not so sure about that.
Perhaps I chose the wrong path.
You've veered way off course.
He should give up being an illusionist
and get a job.
-I'm getting too gloomy.
-But how do I make him give up?
You're an aspiring illusionist, right?
-Show me a trick.
-I've got it.
Are you going to pull something
out of your bag?
I'll show him an incredible illusion.
Then he'll realize that he's incompetent
and give up.
What will it be? A dove?
I can pull out a bowling ball, you know.
This is what you call amazing.
Now he'll want to give up.
Thank you. You've opened my eyes.
Your power is a long lock of hair.
Mine is nothing but an eyelash.
I recognize the difference.
Why is he talking about hair?
-At least, we're done
-Teach me, Master!
Oh, great.
-I don't hate TV.
-I would die for you.
TV provides surprise and excitement,
because I can't hear the actors' thoughts
from the other side of the screen.
Soon, a mystery drama
will air on this channel.
Tonight, you will witness miracles.
These miracles are brought to you
by a remarkable young illusionist
who was once homeless,
Uryoku Chono!
TV certainly does provide surprise.
After losing everything,
he became an illusionist.
Now, he will perform
a miraculous illusion.
I really am surprised.
When we first met,
he nearly killed a dove.
He's come a long way to be on TV.
Today, I'll perform a miraculous escape.
Are you sure about this?
He's even doing it live.
Well, I guess he'll be fine
since he's on TV.
Let's get started.
Mr. Chono enters the box with his hands
and feet bound in restraints.
Oh, he fell.
He'll be fine. I think.
Mr. Chono has entered the box.
His assistant Michael, also once homeless,
will close the door.
-It's closed.
He said, "wait" right before it closed.
He's pounding on the door.
If he can't escape within five minutes,
the box will be subjected to many abuses.
Start the countdown.
Will he really be okay?
Less than three minutes left.
What will he do?
Oh, well. I don't know him well enough
to risk myself to save him.
Only two minutes left.
What would happen if he fails?
This has become a hideous disaster!
Will Mr. Chono be all right?
Tonight's other programs
will be rescheduled.
That's unacceptable.
I want to watch the mystery drama
that'll be aired after this.
I can teleport there.
I must not be seen on TV.
There's only one place
where I won't be seen.
Inside the box.
Stop pounding. Calm down. I'll let you
All right, this is going great.
I escaped unscathed.
-And it really sounds like I'm in there.
-He truly has come a long way.
Five minutes have passed.
Michael will insert the swords.
Now, what do I do?
I can't teleport again right away.
A three-minute interval must pass
before I can teleport again.
-There is 17 more to go!
-No way!
The last one.
Is he all right?
Not a chance, unless you're me.
I've dislocated every joint in my body.
What next?
Next, the crane!
It'll be lifted to 30 meters,
then dropped.
The only way to avoid injury here
will be
to jump.
It's simple.
The box is in a sorry state from the fall.
But that's not all we have in store.
Following up is fire!
I can't get a break.
But the weather has been so hot lately,
so I've prepared myself
to avoid heatstroke.
-And now, the final step.
-There's still more?
The steamroller!
The box has lost its original shape.
What about Mr. Chono?
Hey! Who's that?
Mr. Chono is over there.
He has escaped successfully.
A successful escape for me, too.
I was lucky that the ground was soft.
TV may provide surprise and excitement,
but I didn't expect something like this.
That's it for the Miraculous Magic Show.
Time to go home and watch the drama.
Now for an announcement.
The drama Love Fantasy
starts at ten o'clock in the evening.
It's a mystery about a man
investigating the death of his lover.
They'll never guess that I'm the culprit.
Please watch it.
Or not.
You see, I've been summoned.
I can't say more right now,
but it's going to rock the world.
I'll explain when the time comes.
What? Did he make a friend or something?
Thurisaz, isaz, hagalaz.
Sowilō, gebō, fehu.
You're here.
You weren't followed, were you
Jet-Black Wings?
It's all right, Jade eyes. I checked.
Wait! Aren't you forgetting something?
Oh, right.
There's a sacred barrier around this room.
If you don't perform the Chalice Ritual
within 66 seconds,
you'll be destroyed.
That's right.
Well? Are you still confused?
It's not that simple!
It's like I'm stuck in a bad dream.
I was once an A-level soldier
in the Dark Reunion.
I discovered their true goal,
the Human Sorting Plan.
I stole the stone of destruction,
Panalyze, and escaped.
They came after me, but I used
the forbidden secret technique
to become a phantom,
and entered my own body
before I was even born.
For crying out loud!
You look pleased.
I'm not!
Anyway, it sounds like
you've come to believe it.
I always knew I was different
from other people.
We need your power
in order to destroy the Dark Reunion.
We will assist you
in recovering your memories.
We? What do you mean?
What are you saying?
There are four more here.
All of them are phantoms.
Don't tell me you can't see them.
If you can't, we're done here.
Of course, I can!
I was asking about their bodies.
I see. That's right.
Their bodies aren't here.
The other members don't trust you yet.
Speaking of which, did you perform
the Sworn Friendship Purification?
I sure did.
These answers are excellent.
As expected for the Jet-Black Wings.
They will surely accept you
into their circle.
-Really? I'll do anything
-Get down!
Mannaz, ingwaz, wunjō!
What happened?
The Dark Reunion sniffed out this place.
-We just got attacked.
They got all four members.
-Even though they were phantoms?
-Even though they were phantoms!
We're in danger now.
Help me make a stronger sacred barrier.
Okay. What should I do?
Metal interferes with the sacred barrier.
Take any metal you have on you,
and put it in that bag
made from a special cloth.
Coins too?
Of course.
There's no time!
Just put your whole wallet in there.
-Okay! Now do what I do.
-Got it.
-Ansuz, jēra!
-"Ansuz, jēra."
Looks like we managed to do it.
That was close.
You should go now.
Okay. Can I have my money back?
No can do.
The sacred barrier is unstable.
It's too dangerous.
-But my wallet and my pass
-Thanks for your help.
I could have died without you.
That's our Jet-Black Wings.
You're our savior.
It wasn't a big deal.
Come again this time tomorrow.
And don't forget
the Sworn Friendship Purification.
It's got a nice ring to it.
Maybe I'll bring Saiki tomorrow.
Talk about delusions of grandeur!
This is just a book for homework.
All I had to do was play along with him.
He even handed over his wallet.
My goodness.
The Dark Reunion?
-Good luck working on my homework!
choose your friends more carefully.
That's advice from a friend.
Did the power just go out?
No. It's the Dark Reunion.
Don't tell anyone yet.
This affects the whole world.
What? It's open.
What's going on?
That's the mark of the Dark Reunion.
Are they following me even now?
Hey pal, let's go to the beach.
I was just walking down the street here,
and I saw your name on the door
and figured this was your house.
Ku, is this your friend?
He's no friend of mine.
Ku finally brought a friend home.
I'm so happy.
I'm not friends with Saiki.
We're pals!
I never thought Ku would have a pal.
I didn't know my pal had a sister.
He thinks I'm his sister. I'm so happy.
How many times
is he going to make her cry?
What? You're my pal's mommy?
That's right. What brings you here?
I want to take him to the beach.
-How nice.
-Not a chance. What a pain.
Your pal came all this way for you.
You should go, Kusuo.
And that's how I ended up in this place.
Don't you know how to swim?
-Kaido is here too.
What are you saying?
I can swim.
His eyes can, at least.
It would be impressive
if he drowned like that.
Are you all right?
Could that butt be
Oh, Hairo!
Nendo? And Saiki, too?
What are you doing?
I'm volunteering as a lifeguard.
-I'm drowning!
-I'm on my way!
Volunteering on a hot day like this?
He sure is enthusiastic.
Hey, pal, aren't you going to swim?
Don't mind me.
What is this? Nobody is swimming.
It's no fun to swim alone.
-I guess I'll hit on some girls.
-What are you saying?
With that face of yours?
Why not try walking on water?
You would have a better chance of success.
For a man, looks don't matter.
What matters is the spirit.
Sorry, you're too ugly to look at.
Are you seriously talking to me?
With that face?
Have you ever heard of a mirror?
They're useful. You should use one.
I hope no one thinks we're friends.
Those women are blind.
Aren't you a cutie?
He's so cute.
-Get away from me! Please go away.
-How old are you?
I just remembered something I have to do!
Me too!
Are you all right?
What the hell are you going to do?
Where did our pal go? To the toilet?
When I want to be alone
or need some time to think,
I often go down to the seabed.
This space is comfortable.
There are weird things in some places,
but I don't care about them.
Pal, where are you?
I didn't go deep enough.
I should go back before he freaks out.
Look at that girl.
She's drowning.
I'll rescue her. Get Hairo.
-I'm on my way!
-You can swim?
Forget about me.
-I can make it myself.
-Shut up.
I can carry more than one wimp like you.
-What happened?
-Hairo! Good timing.
-Give me a hand.
No, leg cramp!
Not you too, man.
Goodness, they're all so needy.
It's too much, Nendo.
-Drop me.
-Shut up!
Oh, no
Nendo, are you standing on the water?
What's going on?
See? I told you walking on water would be
easier for you than hitting on girls.
Thank you very much.
Hey, it's that girl from before.
I'm sorry I was rude to you earlier.
Knowing you, I thought you might
demand compensation for saving her.
I would never do something so lame.
If she falls in love with me,
though, that's that.
-Fat chance.
-What did you say?
Well, one person has fallen for him.
I'm in love, Riki Nendo.
I'm in love with your way of life.
Though, it's a guy.
A new semester starts today.
I have to see them again.
Hairo, you're so tanned.
-I was a volunteer lifeguard at the beach.
Did you meet someone special?
-Really, Teruhashi?
We met during the break.
You can probably guess.
An illusion? Surely not.
I believe the date was August 6th.
I'll never forget that date, Saiki.
I saw you that day.
That's right, you were with
Not that one!
Not that one.
-You know? At the World Championship
Hey, Saiki.
Don't you think Nendo
is being weird today?
You are, too.
Normally he would be all,
"Let's go get ramen! Yes!"
That's true. He is acting strange.
Oh, this? Don't worry about this.
Something had happened.
I didn't worry about that at all.
You don't have to tell me.
I'm getting annoyed.
This is fishy.
It does make me worry.
Are you talking about this?
I couldn't care less about that.
That's not the way to his house.
Something is definitely going on.
Why are you so excited?
Why are you so used to following people?
What? What's he looking at?
Does he like little girls?
I don't know, but we should report him.
He's going into the store.
A flower shop?
-Did he get a girlfriend?
-No way.
-No way.
-Not again!
-Not again!
Is he serious?
Let's report him first, and ponder later.
No, it's too soon to tell.
Lots of people like sunflowers.
It's normal to feel like smiling
when you see a child.
That's true. We shouldn't be hasty.
Another store?
Cake is sweet
and women and children love sweets.
Women plus children equals little girls!
Now who's being hasty?
He doesn't eat things like that.
He's clearly going to give
the cake and the flower to someone.
But he doesn't have a girlfriend
to give them to.
That means they're bait.
He'll use sunflowers and cake
to lure in a little girl!
His plan will never work on a sane girl.
Gosh, they are out of shortcakes.
Oh, well.
It's not for eating anyway.
-Which means it's bait.
-Which means it's bait.
I misjudged you, Nendo!
-How dare you hurt weak little girls!
-Listen to his fists making that sound.
Hang on, I think you guys have
the wrong idea.
-So, you're visiting
-My dad's grave.
Today is the day he died.
-So, the flowers and cake
-Obviously, they're offerings.
You bring flowers and sweets to a grave.
That's common sense.
Hearing common sense from Nendo
I see now.
He wasn't leering at those little girls.
He was thinking of his father.
But he sure looked suspicious.
When did your father pass away?
Before I was born.
He died trying to save a little girl
who ran into the street.
Maybe my old man had a Lolita complex.
It hurts my soul.
But if it was before you were born,
he must have been pretty young.
Yes, he was 18 or 19 years old.
I have his picture. Do you want to see it?
This is a picture of you.
We look alike.
My mom says
I look more like him every year.
It's on a different level.
I've seen the picture
of Nendo's father before.
The resemblance is striking.
The only difference is whether the scar
is over the right eye or the left.
Yes, just like that.
I'm imagining things.
Hey, let's go get ramen!
I may not be very realistic myself,
but I don't believe in spirits or ghosts.
Let's just forget about
what happened today.
For me? That's unusual.
Kusuo Saiki,
I know you have psychic powers.
A letter addressed to me has arrived,
but the rest will be continued next time.
But it's all right.
We're following the original manga.
Next time
I'll keep knocking out episodes
taken from the manga.
Subtitle translation by Katherine Lundy
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