The Disastrous Life of Saiki K. (2016) s02e16 Episode Script

1
Saiki, please get me a man.
-What?
-Someone attractive.
What is she talking about?
I have better things to do.
It's in your best interest.
-What?
-I can't go on much longer.
Kokomi is so pretty,
if I don't find a man soon,
I'm going to switch sides.
Then switch.
Then you and I would be romantic rivals.
I'll tell Kokomi about how you're a loser.
That would be great.
Why would you want a loser
to find you a man?
Are you thinking why I would ask you?
Well, a good man
doesn't choose his friends,
but a loser does.
That's why losers
mathematically know more good men.
Only a loser would
come up with that theory.
Anyway, please introduce someone to me.
What? Saiki?
-What?
-Saiki told me to come over.
He came through!
What can I do for you?
That bastard!
It feels good to do something nice.
Who was that creep?
That's Takahashi. Everyone likes him.
I'll give you an idea
what I'm looking for.
First, someone tall, reliable, and manly
who's wild and doesn't look Japanese,
but is actually very kind
and loves small animals.
His hair is permed
and not too long or short.
Not that! That was just him!
You got none of it right!
How do you know what I was imagining?
Can I join in?
They call me the love master!
It's the love disaster.
We're fine, thanks.
Why? She seems perfect.
The worst person to ask about available
men is someone less cute than you.
-You don't want her taking your man.
-I can hear you.
I'm not like those petty women.
Just follow me.
This is Hairo, our class representative.
-Hairo seems to fit your criteria.
-He's nice and very reliable.
Yes, he seems kind and reliable,
but he's that way to everyone.
That won't do.
Girls like boys who are kind only to them.
He also seems too busy
with after-school activities for romance.
I give him a B minus.
Amazingly accurate analysis!
She's a real love master.
What about Saiko?
I'm guessing he's quite rich.
Probably the son
of some distinguished family?
But he's prideful and self-centered.
I give him an A-minus.
You're way too accurate.
Then what about Kuboyasu?
He's been through hell and back
and doesn't even hide his killer instinct.
-He's strong.
-Sounds like a martial arts master.
Maybe you should look yourself.
I think that's it for our class.
Really?
Yumechiyo.
I'm wondering if there's someone
you have your eye on
and trying to keep for yourself.
You should be a detective.
What are you talking about?
-You seem a little rattled.
-Of course not!
What's up, Saiki? Are you
-I'm sorry, Kaido! Are you okay?
-My finger!
-It's broken!
-So, he's the one.
There's nothing special about him.
He's kind of childish.
So not my type. I give him a D plus.
You're the most pitiful guy
on the planet now.
Yumechiyo, you should be aggressive
with guys like him.
If you show him you're interested,
he'll ask you out.
Thank you, Master!
Their roles reversed.
Are you all out?
There's only that butt chin left.
Aren't there any great guys left?
Did someone call?
Not in the least.
If it isn't Saiki!
What are you doing here?
Are you
She must be the cute freshman
everyone talks about!
I call upon the playboy spirit!
I didn't know you had
such a cute little sister, Kusuo.
Who are you?
He's hot! Introduce me!
Are you stupid?
Where have you been hiding him?
He's the worst one yet.
Right, he's channeling a spirit now.
-That's why she can't judge him correctly.
-Join me
-in the cafeteria?
-Okay!
Good grief.
-What's wrong?
-Nothing.
Don't channel a spirit.
If I'm introducing you,
I want no funny business.
It's fine. I just need to copy
what I was doing earlier.
Sorry to keep you
I made a mistake. He's garbage.
Get me another.
-Welcome back to reality.
-That was fast!
Can you believe that?
That sounds like fun. I wish I was there.
What are you doing having fun
with Saiki without me?
If only you were a boy
You're silly.
Kokomi!
What?
Who is that?
Keep it a secret, but that's my brother.
Let's walk home together!
Hi.
Let's grab something to eat! Come on!
-I'm Imu Rifuta!
-Hi.
Never mind, she has no taste.
Okay, we're rolling!
Five, four, three, action!
One of us is the killer?
Then what is that on your clothes?
It's just ketchup!
No, that's blood. Which makes
you the killer!
Cut!
-I'm sorry.
-It's fine.
Let's take a break.
Thank you.
That's another ruined shot.
What's with him?
Maybe he's feeling the pressure
doing a sequel to a hit.
He seemed distracted in the dressing room.
Only a month away.
It's not even a month
until Kokomi's birthday!
BORN AUGUST 6
Is that a wacko? He's scary!
Isn't that
-It's a creep.
-Or a pervert.
It's fine.
He's a special kind of pervert.
What is Teruhashi's brother doing here?
I need to pick a birthday present
for Kokomi today!
So, her birthday is coming up.
What do I pick? There's the standard ring.
Not very standard coming from a brother.
Also underwear.
Definitely don't.
And a special figure of me
for when she's lonely.
He thinks like my parents.
Those are all bad ideas.
I've already settled on those.
What else to get?
He's settled on those.
They say to give gifts
you would want yourself.
Let's see, what would I want?
Happy birthday, Makoto.
I got you a present.
-It's a dead roly-poly.
-It's no use!
I would be happy with anything
Kokomi gives me!
He's sick.
That won't work!
I need to think of the number one thing
I want from her.
Number one
I have a present for you, Makoto.
It's me. I'm your sister,
but I promise to make you happy.
That's it! So, I'm the present?
She would punch you for sure.
-Hey.
-Uh, oh.
Hey, Four-eyes.
What are you doing here?
-Good grief, he caught me.
-Were you spying on me?
I need to watch out for paparazzi.
That explains it.
What are you doing here?
I'm going home.
Why are you wandering around?
I'm going home.
You can't fool me.
You're here to buy Kokomi a present.
So, you came to spy on me
to see what I get her!
Overactive imagination.
-Give it to me, so I can crush it.
-Why would I do that?
-So, you're not getting her a present?
-No.
Good! Then help me pick
out a present for her.
Why?
Of course, I won't tell Kokomi
that you helped me.
Now, let's go!
By the way, do you know
what her favorite animal is?
I know she has a cat, but I don't know
what animal she likes.
I didn't think so.
That ticks me off.
The answer is dogs.
-Question two, what is her hobby?
-I don't know that either.
Are you serious?
How can you not know that?
The answer is cooking.
Kokomi's cooking
is better than any famous chef's.
So, I found the perfect present!
It's a digital cooking scale!
I doubt she would like it.
But we already have a scale.
So, it's between this or the dog apron.
That sounds better.
This is it.
Not what I imagined.
Why are the dogs so realistic?
This is nice too.
That's actually cute.
That should be
It's a knife holder.
Whoever made this must hate dogs.
I can't decide! I'll just get them all.
Here's some simple advice. Don't.
How about you make a suggestion?
You said you would help.
When did I say that? Good grief.
What a pain. Okay, how about this mug?
You suck at this.
You're one to talk.
Okay, what is Kokomi's favorite color?
It's blue!
That mug is white. We're not getting that.
Which means the mug she would want
-is this one!
-True, it is blue.
You know nothing about Kokomi.
-Only the color is right.
-I'm getting this.
My design is way better
than that creepy thing.
Good grief. Don't blame me
if she hates it.
This mug is clearly better than that one.
Look at how many are left.
What?
980 YEN
Kokomi!
Happy birthday! I got you a present.
What?
My birthday is next week.
I know,
but I couldn't wait to see you happy.
So, I bought a lot!
Surprise! You love to cook, right?
-I don't want it.
-What?
Then what about this apron? You love dogs.
No, thank you.
-I also got underwear.
-I'll punch you.
Can I go now?
Wait! What about a stylish mug!
Where did it go?
This is cute!
Great! That's the What?
That's the one Four-eyes picked out.
How'd that get here?
-Sorry, that's
-It's perfect!
Thank you, Makoto. I love it!
You do? I knew you would!
I told you.
Now.
What do I do with this?
Did you know that the abandoned building
behind Breezy Street is haunted?
Really? That's scary.
I heard that.
You can see a creepy guy
peering from the window.
Stop it!
You guys want to check it out?
It's too dangerous for three girls.
Then what if you had
a knight in shining armor?
Mind your own business.
So, let's all go
to the abandoned building together!
Time to bring the Occult Club back!
We've always been active,
you just haven't attended.
You can't just boss us around
after not showing up.
Honestly.
Abandoned building? We're not
A haunted building. I'm intrigued.
-I have to go see it!
-Really?
Good grief, I shouldn't have come.
But I can't just ignore it.
We'll keep our town safe!
Good. I need witnesses.
I'll make a name for myself
as a reliable spirit medium.
-This guy is worse than a ghost.
-I'll be totally popular!
BREEZY STREE
-You're here!
-I'm sorry, I'm late.
Arisu, you changed your look back.
I thought this would be better
for this situation.
That's your character?
It's so dark and creepy here.
No need to fear the darkness.
I spend my life in the darkness.
It's where I'm at peace.
Then why are you carrying around
that huge flashlight?
You're late, Saiki.
-I checked the abandoned building first.
-You did?
I wanted to make sure
it wasn't a hangout spot for criminals.
There was one homeless guy I got rid of.
He must be the one people saw.
What's the point of going
if you solved it already!
Not necessarily.
I felt something strange there.
It really could be haunted.
Hey! We're all here, let's go!
It is creepy.
This is a dangerous place.
You shouldn't go in just for kicks.
So many ghosts
are looking at us from inside.
You just wanted to say that.
-We might as well go in.
-Don't say I didn't warn you.
It's dark.
I can barely see.
I'll turn on my flashlight.
Not because I'm scared,
but because I don't want to trip.
You're so prepared.
What is it, Yumehara?
Something just touched me!
It's actually real?
I knew it was dangerous.
Curse you, ghost!
-It was you!
-My flashlight!
I'm sorry! I didn't mean to.
Walking in this darkness is scary
It's dangerous! Let's turn back!
I thought you felt at peace
in the darkness.
Sense anything?
There is something strange.
There's not a single ghost inside here.
Isn't that normal?
No, normally there would be a few
roaming around.
I'm getting scared.
You're strange.
We're done here! Let's go!
There should be five or six ghosts
in a building this size.
There were plenty outside.
-Outside?
-Yes.
There were about 20 at our meet-up spot.
I guess it felt crowded to you.
I got it! There's an evil spirit.
Ghosts aren't evil or scary normally.
They don't have any memories,
so they have no malice.
A lot of them are the type to just stare
at flowers all day.
They lounge around like that?
But a very small percentage turn to evil.
That's an evil spirit.
They ignore other ghosts
and sometimes insult
a certain group of ghosts.
The worst of them even turn to violence!
That's pretty lame.
What do they do to people?
They don't harm people.
Who cares then?
Ghosts are way nicer than people!
-I can't turn my back on them!
-Wait!
What's with him?
Good grief. What's got him so excited?
-That's him!
-So, that's the evil spirit.
You came, Saiki.
Hey, evil spirit!
-What? Shut up.
-He looks weak.
Are you the one who drove
away the other ghosts?
They left on their own!
You shouldn't pick on others!
What's it to you!
You go apologize now!
He sounds like a mother
scolding her child.
I just hit him as a joke,
and they all ran away from me.
-You just want to be friends, right?
-Yes.
-Then let's go apologize.
-Okay.
And that solved it.
It's rare to see you do something
for nothing in return.
What are you talking about? I always do.
I can't have ghosts be all bad people.
What are they doing?
It looked like he was talking to himself.
It's okay now, I have driven
the evil spirit away.
So, there's no ghost now?
No, they came back.
There's about ten of them.
There's more?
So, please tell everyone
I drove away the evil spirit.
I'll be popular once people
hear what I did.
Good grief. That's what you were after.
What do you think?
Toritsuka seemed serious.
I don't think he was acting.
I thought he was joking,
but it's actually real?
-No way.
-You're right.
Everything's back to normal.
There's a new model of
our previous best-selling jelly maker.
The Jelly Maker Ixion!
The new model comes
with a crushed jelly mode
and can even make pudding!
Unbelievable!
But wait, there's more!
Casters? No way!
All for the same price.
Just 29,800 yen!
Impossible!
And owners of the previous model
receive a 10,000-yen discount.
Order today.
Hold on.
I don't have enough money.
That's because that idiot kept
inviting me to go get ramen.
Good grief.
I'll have to resort to my usual.
Oh, no. We're out of soy sauce.
I'm home! What a day.
What happened?
I dropped my phone
and shattered the screen.
It's broken right on your face!
If only he were here
Hey, Kusuo.
Wait, it's not Kusuo!
Is it really him?
It's 100 Yen Man!
It's 100 Yen Man!
Let me explain. 100 Yen Man is a hero
who will grant you any wish
for the price of 100 yen.
This is the custom in the Saiki household
when Kusuo is out of money.
Nobody addresses his identity.
We're out of soy sauce, 100 Yen Man.
Could you buy some for me?
So fast! Who could he be?
Only Mrs. Saiki doesn't seem to know
who he really is.
Please fix my phone, 100 Yen Man.
The repairs would cost 10,000 yen.
1 TIME, 300 YEN
You raised the price?
Seems like 100 Yen Man knows
when his services are worth more.
That's only 1,200 yen. This is tough.
Kusuo, can you help me
move some furniture?
Kusuo I mean, 100 Yen Man!
He only answers
when he is called by his proper name!
Is there something you want?
You could get it easily
with your psychic powers.
I don't use my powers for myself.
I get what I want
without resorting to my powers.
-Is here fine?
-Yes.
Good. Okay.
Wait, it's covering the outlet!
Could you move it to the left?
You're charging me 100 yen for that?
It's just five centimeters!
Then do it yourself. Books are heavy.
So stingy.
Then could you move it over there?
There's no outlet.
Okay, right here.
Wait!
The carpet isn't straight.
Could you lift it up a second?
Fine!
How did you get so stingy?
Who do you take after?
Okay, you can put it down
How can you charge me for that too?
You only said to lift it.
-Only 400 yen.
-I'm done paying you!
-I'm not earning enough.
-You little
My limited-edition action figure!
I take it back! 100 Yen Man,
please fix this action figure.
You've become 1,000 Yen Man fast!
It's 1,000 Yen Man who is 100 Yen Man
at ten times the price.
They do the same thing.
-You want it fixed?
-Yes, please.
-You just want the top half fixed?
-Yes, that's
-No! All of it! The bottom too!
-Jeez.
That's 2,600 yen now.
Time to change locations.
They didn't come.
My grandsons didn't come for the holidays.
Please, god.
Let me see my grandsons again.
I'm seeing hallucinations.
I don't care! I'm happy to see him
even if he's just a hallucination!
He's real!
Ohh
1 TIME, 100 YEN
Good grief, I suppose
I'll fix this for free.
I see, you came to earn a little
pocket money to buy something you want.
I don't need any help.
You can just have the money.
Think of it as your holiday gift.
Really?
He looks so happy.
Seeing this smile is worth every yen.
Now, take it.
I was half-expecting this would happen.
Don't waste it.
Wait, he'll leave
as soon as I hand this to him.
He'll do anything for 100 yen?
Does that mean anything?
He'll even do this or that?
No! I can't give this to him!
-That was fast!
-You have to earn it!
Then how about this?
-Bring it on.
-He's not backing down.
Let's get you to work.
First, my shoulder is
I mean, clean the house!
Good grief, I'm finally finished.
I managed to avoid doing the creepy stuff,
but I feel like I've done something wrong.
Was Kusuo here?
Honey, what happened?
I would have happily
paid ten times that price.
A few days later.
Amazing!
And the casters move so smoothly.
Time to cook something.
Here's our next product!
The new jelly maker model,
Jelly Maker Ultimate Hyper!
-Here we go again.
-This is mind boggling!
This product is
SAIKI
Invitation for Mr. Kusuo Saiki.
The time has come.
With the threat of Dark Reunion
looming over the world,
I invite you to our secret base
to address this menace.
I will guide you to the secret base
after we meet at the station.
Please burn this letter after reading
to ensure it doesn't fall
into the wrong hands.
Are we there yet?
We're almost at my secret base.
There will be cider waiting for you.
Good grief, why am I here?
I can't believe you came to my house
when I wasn't at the station.
I couldn't skip out with my mom there.
Let's hunt for bugs!
We're not kids.
-It's about secret bases!
-You're both kids.
Here we are.
Wow, awesome.
-Well, well.
-Thanks.
What's this string?
Don't touch that.
That's a trap for our enemies.
Tripping it will cause the cans to rattle
and alert the people inside.
Nobody's inside, the string is visible,
and we don't have enemies.
It's completely pointless.
Come on inside.
Wow! You have a desk and a sofa.
Where did you get them?
There's a lot of illegal dumping
around here.
Wow, it's like a home.
Then take off your shoes!
No shoes? Isn't that dirty?
It's not! There's a cardboard
on the ground!
Okay, fine then.
How are your feet dirtier!
I can't believe you built all this.
You did this yourself?
No, it was me and Aren.
Good, I wasn't sure what to do
if you built it by yourself.
You have Jump here.
Oh, it's last week's.
I'm ready to leave.
Why? You just got here!
There's nothing to do here.
You can read manga! And it's hot outside.
It's nice to just chill inside like this.
I can do that at my house. We have AC too.
-Dang!
-Nendo won an argument.
-How about cider, then?
-You have cider?
Down the hatch!
-Lukewarm
-Lukewarm
I'm going home.
Hold on! How about we play a game!
You have games?
Of course! It's a secret base!
I'm in!
Let's see,
how about cards?
-I'm going home.
-Hold on!
Calm down, I have others!
It's the one you see in old movies a lot!
I don't know the rules.
-Let's go already.
-Hold on!
You know how many days it took
to build this?
Do you even have a lot of games at home?
I bet they're all sports games.
Well
I guess I only have VR games.
See, I figured that's all.
-VR? What? VR?
-You want to come play?
What? Really?
You're hooked.
I guess we can leave, then.
Someone's outside.
-Aren!
-I'm sorry I'm late.
Aren, these guys don't understand
how great secret bases are!
They'd rather play video games at home!
You wanted to play VR games.
Where's your imagination?
That's what I want to say,
but they're right.
What?
It looks like a garbage house.
It's dirty, hot, has no power,
and is just ridiculous.
Besides, we're too old for secret bases.
I really thought Shun was crazy.
Until we started building it.
Building a house out of trash we found
is hard work, but pretty fun.
It reminded me about the times
I would build bikes with my friends.
That's when I realized,
you need a reason
for building a secret base.
Only the people who build it
can appreciate it.
So, you guys need to help
build our base too!
-What?
-Huh?
Our base isn't finished yet.
There's a ladder, but nothing up top yet.
We want to build another base.
We want to make something like this.
That's way too hard.
Good grief, I've got better things to do.
-I'm in.
-You are?
-Let's get to building!
-Let's do it.
And so they all worked together
to build the second secret base.
Some time later.
-We did it in a day!
-Good grief.
-We just needed hard work.
-Like that would be possible.
It would've taken us a few days at least.
I'm holding it up with my powers.
Not because I care, I just don't want
to do this for the next few days.
Aren is right.
There's something
about building it yourself.
Alright! Let's check it out!
-Good grief, you're so
-What?
-Huh?
-What is it, Nendo?
I had it in my pocket.
Now, where did that
stag beetle go?
There it is.
What's wrong, pal!
Oops.
NEXT TIME
It's me, Kokomi Teruhashi again.
I thought it was strange
that Saiki doesn't gasp for me,
but maybe I need to try harder.
So, next time
I'll be trying to get Saiki to gasp.
Let's play a game, Kusuo.
And more.
Subtitle translation by Zensho Yamamoto