The Epic Tales of Captain Underpants (2018) s02e10 Episode Script

The Crazy Caustic Spray of the Contagious Cruelius Sneezer

1 Friends, Romans, fourth graders, lend me your ears! You're about to visit Romeinaday, Piqua's second most authentic ancient Rome reenactment experience! I am Keithicus, head of visitor relations, here to help you make the most of your upcoming field trip! - Please.
Ask me anything.
- What kind of rides are there? There are no rides.
But there are bowls, vases, other ceramics.
Was this what you wanted to do when you grew up? What? Uh No, I mean, actually, I was in a band.
Local Trout and Kenny.
But it didn't work out.
Anyway, let's talk about papyrus or Roman paper.
What went wrong? - My band broke up and that was that.
- Cool.
- So, you'll also make your own bowl.
- Why'd you guys break up? Was it creative differences or a personality clash? Kenny the drummer stole my girlfriend, okay? So not cool! Ruined our lives! There! Happy? So George and Harold make comic books - We're cool! - Me, too! But they had a mean, old principal Who told them what to - Blah, blah, blah, blah! - So they got a hypno-ring And first, they made him dance Then, accidentally, kinda on purpose Turned him into Captain Underpants Tra-la-la! With a snap, he's the Captain Not the brightest man And don't forget, when he gets wet - You're back when you began - Blah, blah, blah! Put it all together What could possibly go wrong? Now this is the end Of the Captain Underpants song - By George Beard and Harold Hutchins - Tra-la-la! "The Crazy Caustic Spray of The Contagious Cruelius Sneezer.
" Chapter 1: Rome Sweet Rome.
This is George Beard and Harold Hutchins.
George is the kid on the left with the tie and flat top.
Harold is the one on the right with the T-shirt and the bad haircut.
Remember that now.
Field trips are supposed to be amazing.
- But ours are always lame.
- True.
Like past field trips to the cubicle factory.
The warehouse warehouse.
And a hole.
Romeinaday's gonna be the lamest one yet.
Which is weird, 'cause ancient Rome is awesome in that show Rippedicus! I, Julius Caesar, find you most vexing, Rippedicus! You have bested Roboticles, my robot gladiator, and Dragonysis, my dragon gladiator.
But how will you defeat a pit filled with robot-dragon gladiators? Wheels first, Emperor Noseface.
Being a gladiator was so awesome.
- I wanna be Rippedicus.
- I want a mega-motor-chariot.
You realize not a single thing in this show is true, right? Uh, sure, it is! They wouldn't put it in the show if it wasn't true.
Hey, that Caesar guy with the big honker gave me an idea for a comic.
Chapter 2: Captain Underpants and the Corrupt Cruelius Sneezer, by George Beard and Harold Hutchins.
So one day, Captain Underpants was at a pizza place called "Go Big Or Go Rome Pizza," and he went to the bathroom to wash his hands.
His locket with a picture of his dad fell into the toilet, and he was all like, "Dad!" And he dove in after it.
But it was a time toilet so he got transported to ancient Rome.
So he flew around Rome on locket lookout lifting up buildings And was all, "Dad, stay where you are! I'll find you!" And Emperor Julius Caesar was riding by on one of those couches on sticks and was all, "You're jacked, yo! Be my best new gladiator!" But Captain Underpants was like, "No, thanks.
I'm a napper, not a fighter.
" And fell asleep standing up to prove it and was all, "Honkshoo, honkshoo.
Hi, dream wafflebats! Honkshoo!" Caesar was so mad he fell off his couch into a cauldron of five-alarm Roman chili some chariot tailgaters were making in the parking lot.
And the chili was so spicy, it turned Julius Caesar into the nosemonster Cruelius Sneezer! Roar! The sound of a guy becoming a nose woke Captain Underpants up, and Cruelius Sneezer was all, "No one says no to the nose!" And he fired an actual snot rocket at Captain Underpants 'cause snot rocket.
And Captain Underpants punched the rocket into space.
And that was the beginning of the space program.
But that's unrelated! But Cruelius Sneezer had more tricks up his nose! Like card tricks, and the one where you cut the lady into half with the saw, saw, saw.
But after the show, Captain Underpants was all, "I gotta stop this nose from starting a space race!" So he shoved all the undies he had into Sneezer's schnoz.
And Sneezer was like, "I can't breathe, I give up.
" So they made peace and ate five-alarm Roman chili.
And when Captain Underpants found his locket in his bowl, he wept 'cause he loved his dad but also the chili was spicy! Awoogah times five! And then he was like, "Do you guys know where I can find a time toilet?" And the Romans were like, "What's a toilet?" Oh, no, the end.
- Morning, roboboss! Bear claw? - What do you want, you loose tooth? To chaperone the Romeinaday trip? Fine, if you leave now, without a word.
You know what would be an awesome field trip? Real ancient Rome.
We could be gladiators! Yeah, but instead we gotta go to fake ancient Rome and make bowls.
And other ceramics.
- Unless - Unless what? Unless someone made a time machine big enough for the whole class.
Melvin, let us in your rubber recess bubble.
We washed our hands yesterday.
Don't sit down.
What do you want? George and Harold knew Melvin's top weak spots.
Snakes, physical exertion and his ego.
Well, ol' Harold and I were just talking and he was saying how amazing it is that you invented a compact time machine.
What? Uh, er, yes.
I said that.
Go on.
Scone? But then he wondered if you had the chops to build a bigger time machine.
Of course I do! That's what I said to Harold.
And he agreed.
But then we decided there's no way it could be big enough for our whole class even if you made it out of our field trip bus.
- Um, yeah.
- Yes, it could and I can! I'll have a prototype in two weeks! Harold, weren't you saying a real inventor could knock it out in a day or less? Yes.
I am a real taskmaster.
I'll have it tomorrow! Now get out! This is rock bottom.
Car trouble? - Is that my car battery? - Yep.
So, when people visit Romeinaday, I hear you make one of them emperor for the day.
Uh, yeah, we pick one of the kids.
Not tomorrow.
Tomorrow, you're gonna pick me.
What? Why? All the emperor gets is, like, a free small frozen yogurt.
Yes, but they also get to taste absolute power! Set.
Oh, yeah.
Uh, no absolute power.
Just the yogurt.
- Do you want your car to start again? - I-I mean, yeah.
- Then we have a deal.
- What? Hey, you gotta put my battery back, man! I'm a breaker, not a fixer! This is rock bottom.
This is rock bottom.
You're in a no car fire zone.
This is rock bottom.
George and Harold's plan worked.
Melvin wasn't going to stop until he built a bigger time machine.
What a sucker.
Yeah, I just have one question.
Why do I exist? That's easy.
You're lunch! Hey, Melvin! - What's with the boat? - Mouthbreathers! This is no mere boat.
Behold, the TimeTanic 2000! You named your time machine after a ship that hit an iceberg and sank? The name made a lot more sense at 3:00 in the morning.
And it still does, because it's brilliant.
I am very tired.
Don't let the dog-cat eat me.
What the heck is this? Well, I guess we're taking a boat to Romeinaday! All aboard, kids! I can't even keep track of all the red flags in this situation.
But we can.
Time travel, land boat, field trip, Krupp toga, high hopes, low tires, old snacks Melvin! George was just saying this might just be a normal boat-bus - and not a time machine.
- Yes.
I said that.
Just your average run-of-the-mill boat-bus.
Absurd! Would a normal boat-bus have a time machine remote control? That's what I said! But then George said you probably can't even pick a specific time and place.
Like ancient Rome.
I just set it for ancient Rome! That's what I said you'd do! But then George said you'd never have the guts to use it.
- Those were my words.
In that order.
- You want guts? Get a taste of these guts! Chapter 3: There's No Place Like Rome.
Out of my way, commoners! Emperor coming through! Bow before me! Whoa.
- Ancient Rome looks so real! - Because it is real! - What have you rusty harmonicas done? - Nothing.
You pushed the button.
You manipulated me! Even though that's impossible because your minds are inferior.
So you can't, but you did.
I'm having it both ways! Hey, cheer up! Thanks to you, we can all be gladiators! So, how do we do that? I want my mega-motor-chariot! You are a gladiator because you broke the rules, Rippedicus.
That's because the rules don't apply to me.
Why did that wall explode? That doesn't make any sense.
You're getting cell service in ancient Rome? Whatever.
So all we gotta do to become gladiators is break a rule.
And I know just the rule to break.
"Kneel before Julius Caesar"? Man, real Caesar is a jerk, too.
Stop! This is ancient Rome, you undercooked eggs! That Coliseum is a barbaric pit of brutality! - You're jeopardizing all our lives! - Relax, Melvin, we got this.
- We watch Rippedicus.
- That's a TV show! It's not real! Your secret's safe with me, boys.
I'm kinda digging ancient Rome.
Little less bumpy, fellas.
That should do the trick.
Huh? "Fire Emperor Jerk Nose"? You there! Did you do this? - Guilty as charged.
- Guess you gotta make us gladiators.
Seize them all! We have some new gladiators for today's competition! - Yes! - No! I am not with them! Keithicus! Glad you got your car started.
Hey, this Romeinaday's a hoot.
So, when do I become emperor? You will never be emperor, you bulbous worm.
What? But we had a deal! - Put them with the other gladiators! - Oh, I get it.
Sweet fake swords.
Anyhoo, does the frozen yogurt have sprinkles? Oh, no.
Okay, no sprinkles.
Knocked the wind out of me! - Lift your arms! It'll help! - And stomp your feet! - I don't think it's helping.
- Nope.
- This Roman toilet is so authentic.
- It even smells authentic.
Yeah, so is this shield.
It's got fake blood all over it.
Fake blood It might not be fake.
These helmets are blah.
Sophie One, find us prettier helmets.
Other Sophie, fluff our hay.
When I become emperor, everything will be much better.
For me.
For everyone else? Nah.
Not so much.
Moo like a sheep! While Krupp and the other kids still mistakenly believed they were at Romeinaday, only George, Harold, Erica and Melvin knew the truth.
Why are you still upset, Melvin? Rome is the man! These bars are even thicker than the TV ones! No, Rome is awful! And we're stuck here because you tricked me into activating the TimeTanic without warming it up! That made the laser fuel cell crack in half! Just make a new laser whatever-you-said-a-ma-bob.
- That's your jam.
- How? There aren't any lasers here.
Only the sun has that kind of power, and I need a multifaceted gemstone of a reddish hue to harness its power.
- You've doomed us all! - Eh, you'll figure it out.
In the meantime, let's gladiate! You jackalopes have no idea what gladiators are, do you? Yeah we do.
They're gladiators! Gladiators! That talisman, it has a giant ruby, which is a multifaceted gemstone of reddish hue! Hey, are you Julius Caesar, emperor of Rome? No, I am.
So zip it! I'm here to let you statue vandals know you're in for a treat.
- Customized motor-chariots? - Can I get an airbrushed wizard on mine? No! You're ruining it! You're gonna face my greatest champion.
Hey, bub, I'm the emperor today, not you! Fork over that leaf hat! Oh, no, you did not just do that! Take them to the arena.
To die! - Did he say, "die"? - I think he said "pie.
" To pie! Yeah, that makes more sense.
'Cause being a gladiator is awesome.
Get me that talisman! You got it.
A talisman is a soft drink, right? Nah, it's a fruit or something.
Those are the guys who outsmarted you.
Chapter 4: House of Dies.
Shut it, chumps! Ugh! Short guy, other guy, and bald guy.
Say, "adios," 'cause this is my best gladiator, Undefeaticus! Oh! It's amazing how real they make it all look! So, uh, he may have actually said "die" after all.
Not seeing any pie.
I'm starting to think Rome might be more dangerous than cool.
Ancient Rome is nuts! One of that guy's weapons is a lion! - But we've got a secret weapon.
- Right! Captain Underpants! Tra-la-lion! Aw, kitty wanna play? Chapter 5: The Incredibly Graphic Violence Chapter, presented in Fresc-O-Rama.
Because if you take violence and make it a painting in a museum, then it's okay for kids to see.
In this late period work titled "Sand and Underwear," Articus Painticus captured Captain Underpants besting the towering brute Undefeaticus through sheer incompetence and dumb luck.
Next on our museum tour, a peanut.
- A peanut.
- What? - We're alive! - Never underestimate the power of clumsy.
Pipe down! Seriously, Emperor talking here.
So, you straight up defeated Undefeaticus! That's crazy! Guess that makes him Defeaticus.
And you three my new champs! Always with the roses! Anyway, come hang in the Emperor's Box.
It's pretty sweet.
I got everything up there.
- Ooh, do you have dolphins? - Good question.
Hey, do we have dolphins? No.
No, dolphins.
But I like where your head's at, kid.
Oh, okay.
Kinda wish there were dolphins, but I'll come anyway.
We'll be right there.
We just gotta go gloat to our friends.
Gloat it up! Hey, cue ball, you're with me! - Let's party like Rome's about to fall! - Party? Will there be cake? Not sure.
Hey, do we have cake? - Any cake up there? - What's this? Mm.
Uh, we'll just get off here.
Well, Melvin, I guess we were right and you were wrong.
Rome rocks.
Caesar invited us to hang in the Emperor's Box! He's got everything up there! - Except dolphins.
- No dolphins.
I don't how you carpet samples survived, but we're living on borrowed time! They're taking the rest of us to the arena soon, and these lumps still don't know we're in real Rome and in real peril! Oh, yeah! If they learn the truth, they'll panic.
Unless we're slaughtered first.
That's why I need Caesar's talisman to get us home.
With the ruby, I can interfuse sun rays into the isomatrix photonomic beam that'll We don't need all the details, man.
We'll just get you the talisman.
Yeah, slaughtering is bad.
Quickly! According to the program, we're up next! And I won't last one minute against a lion! Just need you to sign this waiver saying you won't maul or eat me.
Not a problem.
I have another copy.
Relax, Melvin.
We'll get you guys out of here before anyone gets hurt.
Chapter 6: Rome is Where The Hard is.
Unfortunately, the Emperor's hot tub turned Captain Underpants back into Mr.
Which was fine with Mr.
What the? How the? Hot tub? Cake? I could get used to being emperor.
Grape me! - You're not emperor, I am.
- Well, agree to disagree.
Hey, my other champs! Get in here! George and Harold? What're you doing here? This luxury box is for emperors only.
- Mr.
Krupp? - Emperor Krupp.
- Again, you're not emperor.
- To-may-toe, to-mah-toe.
Make yourself at home, boys.
Grab a soak.
Or have some olive oil.
That's very Roman.
I've got the best oil tender in the biz.
He works magic with the olive oil, literally.
There's an oil for eternal life, flight back pain.
There's even an oil that gives you rabies.
Not sure why he makes that one, but And look what Guardicus brought me! Your crazy scroll! It's wild, man! Oh, no.
Our comic.
Maybe you shouldn't read that.
"Cruelius Sneezer"? That's like my name.
But tweaked to mock me.
Probably a coincidence.
Only one way to find out! Again with the roses! New law! No more roses! Take her to the dirt mine! Wow, you really inhabit your character.
Did you do actoring? We gotta get Krupp out of that hot tub and dried off before Caesar finishes that comic.
If we don't, Caesar will slaughter us! And then we won't be alive enough to get the talisman and go home! Hmm.
This comic feels pretty anti me, but maybe that's just me.
Still, too soon to make a call, though! - Mr.
Krupp! They've got guacamole! - Where? Dry off first.
You don't wanna drip on your guac.
Guac hates drip.
- Not dry enough.
- This is really going to town on me.
But it's not over yet.
Like they're alive! So real! Sir, I would like to file a formal complaint with Roman Resources No problem.
I have another copy.
There are too many warning signs here to count.
Not for us! Man-eating lions, pointy swords, angry crowds, sharp spears, itchy sand, weak knees, rusty chariots.
- Come on, come on, come on! Dry faster! - I'm fanning as fast as I can! Huh? Huh? This crossed the line, man! Crossed the line! And now you're gonna get an emperor smackdown! As the saying goes, it's never good when you fall into a hot tub with a bunch of magic olive oils.
- See? - What? I'm all nose! Even more than you were! If that's possible.
Nose burn! Wow.
You look just like Cruelius Sneezer from our comic! Don't call me that! My nose looks totally normal Right, guys? Boy, Romeinaday is a real eye-opener, huh.
Who knew they had nose monsters in ancient Rome? - He's still not dry.
What do we do? - We blast him with air.
Nose air.
No! Not roses! Anything but ro Dry as a drought.
Let's guac! Tra-la-lotta-nose! Captain Underpants, we need that talisman! Sure! Is that a country? As in, "I'm summering in Talisman!" No, the shiny thing on that nose! Whoa! That is one serious nose.
You want nose? Get a taste of this nose! Ew! Talisman! I don't see any robotics at all! I got the shiny thing! Time to go.
Field trip's over.
'Cause I am Romed out.
Melvin, you got until we reach the TimeTanic to do your thing! George, how do we get there fast? It's no mega-motor-chariot, but it'll have to do.
Chapter 7: Fresc-O-Rama 2.
Fresc and Furious.
In this very late period work titled "Horse Jockey," Articus Painticus captured the sheer terror of a bald, portly man in his underwear towing children away from a giant nose.
If you're wearing your special museum glasses, the painting moves.
Please don't steal the glasses.
Anyone know where we parked? You gotta make a note of where you parked, pal! It's just common sense.
- You done yet, Melvin? - What? No! I need more time.
Here's your crossbow, anything else? Thanks for the crossbows! Thanks for the catapult! Thanks for the roses! Flower at will.
The TimeTanic! Time's up, Melvin! Harold, fire the roseapult! Oh, come on, man! Hey! They do have dolphins! I love Why am I wet? So, did they reach the TimeTanic? Was Melvin able to rebuild the laser fuel cell with the talisman and send them home? We'll find out after a sneak peek from next week's Rippedicus! I'm gonna win by a nose! And I'm gonna win by a rose! Hey, it all worked out! Man, those emperors knew how to live.
Romeinaday? I wish you were Romeeveryday.
What a great wordplay! Well, ancient Rome lived up to the hype.
Should we go back next year? It was fun, but I kinda wanna try another field trip to that hole.
Deep, right?