The Epic Tales of Captain Underpants (2018) s03e03 Episode Script
The Abysmal Altercation of the Abominable Altitooth
1 This is George Beard and Harold Hutchins.
George is the kid on the left with the tie and the flattop.
Harold is the one on the right with the T-shirt and the bad haircut.
Remember that now 'cause they're finally in the same summer camp.
-Ready for the best summer ever? -I was born ready and three weeks late.
So George and Harold make comic books - We're cool! - Me, too! Now they're summering at summer camp And Mr.
Krupp is, too -Blah, blah, blah! - Once they used the hypno-ring And first they made him dance Then accidentally, kinda on purpose Turned him into Captain Underpants Tra-la-la! With a snap, he's the Captain Flying through the trees And don't forget when he gets wet - You're sure to feel the squeeze! -Blah! Put it all together What could possibly go wrong? Now this is the end Of the Captain Underpants song! - By George Beard and Harold Hutchins - Tra-la-camp! The Abysmal Altercation of the Abominable Altitooth.
Chapter 1: Jerk in the Box.
Ow.
What kind of madman sells the camp's volleyballs and replaces them with a hornets' nest? The kind of madman that uses a satellite dish to work on his tan.
He looks like a raw turkey.
-Come on, it's payback time.
-Yeah.
Let's roast that bird.
-Should we make stuffing? -Already done.
-Wow, he's on fire.
- Must've been the butter.
Ahem! Hmm.
What is that, stuffing? When did I eat stuffing? Anyway, listen up! The Federation of United National Camps, aka the FUNC, aka the "funk," is coming to take my picture.
I am the cover boy for their July newsletter! So that's why he was working on his man-tan when we buttered him up.
Yeah, to get down with the FUNC.
So, as a treat for you, and not to benefit me, you're gonna climb a mountain.
So, you're sending us up a mountain so we won't mess up your photo shoot? Yes! No! Oh, get out of my mind! As I was saying, Camp Lake Summer Camp and Lake Summer Camp Camp will race to the top of Plummet Peak.
Climbing is for apes! I told you camp was a waste of time, Mother.
No more oatmeal! I'm full! We can't climb Plummet Peak! No one can! Phony facts! Vert Ladderfeller climbed it.
Vert Ladderfeller III, of the Ladderfeller climbing dynasty, did climb Plummet Peak and planted his flag 20 years ago.
He was never heard from again.
Yeah, but he disappeared 'cause a monster lives there! Altitooth! He's a killing machine.
Machine! That may be true.
According to camp legend, a yeti-like monster with inexplicably long teeth haunts Plummet Peak, howling as he preys on clueless climbers.
You hear that howling? -Who do you think is doing that? -Harold! 'Cause that's how Altitooth howls.
Altitooth's just a campfire story.
Even if he is real, you'll be fine.
So whichever camp brings back Vert's flag wins.
-Wins what? -You win a a uh, a mystery box! What's in it is a mystery.
Yeah, yeah.
Is it a pair of socks? Or is it your greatest desire made real? It's probably socks.
Well, the only way to find out is to win it, because this box will never leave my sight.
Ow, ow! Ah! I bet there's another Sophie in that booox.
A better Sophie.
Better than you, Other Sophie.
I'm not buying this box thing.
Krupp's never given us anything.
Not true.
Remember that time he gave the school free candy? I've rigged the vending machine so when kids put money in it, no candy will come out.
-No! No! -Free candy! I'm just saying, maybe Krupp's telling the truth about the box.
The candy was a fluke, like a solar eclipse.
It'll never happen again.
That's a fluke, too.
You may recall that Stanley Peet's sweaty armpits are like fertile farmland.
Sweet potato muffin? The sweet potatoes are fresh from my armpits! No, you moist mung bean! George and Harold said there's nothing in the box, but that's what they want me to think because there's definitely something, and they don't want me to have it! Well, I'm no fool.
I know that inside that box is my greatest desire made real: Doopity the Dancing Dolphin.
- It's Doopity the dancing dolphin He's a marine abomination And I lost him.
Doopity! -You okay? -I will be because I'm going to get that flag.
This invention will make climbing Plummet Peak easy as-- Pie? It's sweet potato.
Bumper crop in my pits this year.
That's a no.
What are you doing? Chapter 2: Easy Come, Easy Goat.
Quiet! Uh, no one's talking.
Oh.
Well, this is Plummet Peak, so go get the flag.
Any questions? Guess we're on our own.
"Plummet Peak: No mountain guards on duty.
Climb at your own risk.
" "Poopy Peak: Smell at your own risk.
" So good! Heel, you two skin tags! You're coming with me.
-Why? -Because you're my blood type.
But I probably won't need it because we're going to work smarter, not harder.
Behold, the GoatGetter 2000! But that's cheating.
Cheating! Read me the rule that says no robot goats.
You can't because there isn't one.
Now let's goat get 'em! Sorry, Mother, no room for you.
Higher We're climbing to the top Higher They ain't never gonna stop Higher, it's a big cliché Higher, let's hope they'll be okay Sophie One! I need you! Other Sophie, I need you to carry meee! Those eagles snatching the Sophies really threw Jessica for a loop.
Yeah.
Let's take five so she can pull it together.
What about the flag? We gotta get it to prove Krupp's lying.
And Melvin might beat us! Not a chance.
Melvin cramps up brushing his teeth.
Cramp.
Cramp! True.
They're probably stuck in a crevice waiting for an airlift.
Do we have time for this? Time! Of course! The GoatGetter can climb circles around the other camp, which leaves us ample time for lunch.
Duck à l'orange? Oh! I love duck! What? Mop your brow, you clammy klutz! You're shorting out the robot! The GoatGetter is "sweat resistant," not sweatproof! It's stuck! Ah! My skin is on fire! And this cold medicine isn't making it cold.
It's making it sticky.
Oh, no! Ants! Ants! Chapter 3: Misbe-caving.
I'm glad Jessica is working through her grief over the Sophies being eagle-napped.
Finally, temporary Sophie, you'll be on call 24-7 to do what I want.
No! The first rule of Sophies is never speak.
Never, ever, ever! Oh, and, like, deal with that monster.
Altitooth! -Run! -Temporary Sophie, that's your cuuue.
On the plus side, at least Altitooth lives up to the hype.
Help! Help! -Did Altitooth say "help"? -I think he said "kelp.
" -Why would he say "kelp"? -Uh, good point.
Let's help him.
Is-- Is this a trick so you can kill us? - No! - Good enough for me.
Harold, you can't trust him! He's a monster! I'm not a monster.
I'm Vert Ladderfeller the Tird! - "The Turd"? - No.
The Tird! -"The Turd"? -The Tird! -"The Turd.
" -No.
-Whoa! -It's that climbing guy! Whew! You really saved my bacon.
How can I thank you? We're actually here to get the flag you planted at the peak.
We need it to win a camp contest.
Can you help us climb up there? Can I? I'm a Ladderfeller of the Ladderfeller climbing dynasty! Yeah? Um, Vert, if you're a born climber, why are we in an elevator? All right! All right! Since you won't stop badgering me, I'll tell you! -He only asked you one question.
-You dragged it out of me! The truth is I hate climbing! My father, Carabiner, and my mother, Bivouac, climbed the highest mountains.
They expected the same of me, but I'm more of a hills and mounds guy.
They never accepted me.
Neither did the townsfolk.
I was a "living stick"! So, to show them all, I climbed Plummet Peak.
It was awful.
But when I reached the top, I was free! Free from the laughter, the mockery, and the suffocating scorn of Carabiner and Bivouac Ladderfeller.
Best of all, I was in the one place my parents would never look for me, the guy who doesn't like the climby climb, a mountain! 'Cause who needs them? Or other people? Or movie theaters? Or-- Or-- Not me, that's who.
Nope! So, that's why you're pretending to be Altitooth? To scare people away? Yes.
And mountain goats.
They're the worst.
-Why didn't you scare us away? -'Cause you helped me.
Can't remember the last time somebody did that.
This is us.
Welcome to Plummet Peak, the highest point in all of-- Whoa! Missed again, Malachai! So, where's your flag? In a sec.
I don't get a lot of visitors up here, so let me show you around the peak pad first.
Uh, is it at least nice on the inside? No, but I love it s'much.
Yeah.
Wow! So, you live here.
That's right.
Going on 20 years.
Twenty long years.
You okay? Well, of course.
I have everything here.
Snow, ice, thin air, snow, ice.
-Do you have a bathroom? -The mountain is my bathroom.
Grrr-oss.
Ugh, I miss Sophie One.
And I remember Other Sophie.
Don't you get lonely up here? How could I be lonely when I'm surrounded by dear, dear friends? There's Rock, the Stick Twins, Plastic Bag, and-- Oh, who am I kidding? You've dragged it out of me! Dragged what out of you? I'm miserable! I'm stuck! Alone! On a mountain! My best friend is a plastic bag! I'm sorry, Stick Twins.
That's Altitooth's howl! But it's actually Vert crying like a baby! -You thinking what I'm thinking? -Watch our step on Bathroom Mountain? Yes, and we gotta help this guy.
The flag can wait.
Hey, Vert, you wanna come down the mountain with us? -You can work things out with your family.
-Never! I refuse to go back to be mocked again by the low-livers, the flatties, the dirty-downers.
- People who live on the ground! - Oh! Got it.
-Time to get serious.
-Yup.
Comic serious.
Chapter 4: Captain Underpants and the Abominable Altitooth.
By George and Harold.
So one time there was a snow monster with giant teeth named Altitooth 'cause teeth.
And he lived on top of a mountain by himself and howled a lot like a coyote who lost his job.
Whoa-whoa-whack, or whatever howls sound like.
And the townspeople, whaa, freaked out 'cause, whaa, who wants to hear that noise? Am I right? Yup.
The mayor, who was also the garbage man, 'cause no one wanted that job, called Captain Underpants to stop Altitooth before it was too late.
Captain Underpants was all, "Sure, that's in my wheelhouse.
What's a wheelhouse? And I need to practice yodeling for yodeling class!" Captain Underpants flew up to the mountain and was all, "Yo dug ho la ko!" 'cause he was getting a D-plus in yodels.
Then Altitooth lashed out like a coyote who can't find a job.
Captain Underpants tried to stop him with a long John lunge and a thermal thwack.
But Altitooth was all ice, which is like cold rock, and he cold cocked Captain Underpants, literally, 'cause ice.
So, Captain Underpants tried an attack yodel.
"Wee no sono whoa so ho!" And nothing happened 'cause that's nonsense.
But Altitooth started crying and was all like, "That sounds like the yodel-by my mom used to sing.
" Then Captain Underpants knew the real battle was the one raging between Altitooth and his parents.
So, Captain Underpants used all the tools he learned at that Healing with Feeling workshop.
Soul staring and yell talking and also crying.
And it made Altitooth and his mom and dad make up and take out a small business loan to open a fondue restaurant with melted cheese! They even hired a coyote as chef, but that was a huge mistake.
Okay, the end.
Sold! I'll make up with my parents.
Before you say no, hear us out.
I didn't say "no.
" I said "yes.
" -Come on, Vert.
Come on.
-Just listen! -Come on.
-Say yes! -Give us a chance.
-Come on.
-Hear us out.
-Wait, you're in? Yes.
I hate this mountain and it smells like a toilet.
Can we, like, go before this cabin falls apaaart? Yes.
I just need to say my goodbyes.
Rock, you were a good friend to me.
Ah, the Stick Twins, we certainly had some times, eh? Plastic Bag, uh, I-- Chapter 5: Goat Ahead, Make My Day.
Hey, it's Vert's flag! Think now's a good time to ask for it? Well, we did help him.
By solving his 20-year existential crisis.
Hey, Vert, can we borrow your flag? How did you beat us? And who is that vagrant? He's not a vagrant.
He's Vert Ladderfeller III.
Of the Ladderfeller climbing dynasty! And that flag is ours! Well, not for long.
GoatGetter, goat get that flag! Low-livers? On a mountain goat? The two things I hate most have joined forces! Conflict makes me sweat.
Don't fight.
Have some pit pie! No! What? No! What have you done, you drippy dreck? What have you done? Ooh! Oh-hoo-hoo! That was close! That looked bad.
But that looks worse! I am a monster! Half man, half goat, half pie, half ice! I am "Aldidooth"! I am Altitooth! Al-ti-tooth! Altitooth! Altitooth.
He's Altitooth! But for real now! How is this possible? Let's ask the Science Sock.
No idea.
Despite the indisputable evidence, Altitooth isn't real.
Ha! Ice touch power! You got my goat, whoever you are, but I've got your flag.
So, I win! I said I'm Altitooth! On second thought, I'm sold! I feel a "run for our lives" coming on.
After 20 years, I finally have the power to get revenge! On my parents and all low-livers, and no one can stop me, especially not some dirty-downer kids! I just gave you the cold shoulder if you pretend the door is a shoulder.
It's payback time! We need Captain Underpants.
But we're locked in a cabin on a mountain, and Krupp's back at camp.
Ah, "Blood Hat III.
A movie so scary, you'll break into a cold sweat.
" Ooh! That'll soothe my sunburn.
Probably not even sca-- Oh, this cabin is unstable.
Unstable! That's it! We're making this cabin a mobile home! Everyone, jump! Temporary Sophie, jump for us both.
Jump! Jump! We didn't think this through.
We've got to guide this ride! Harold, you man the window and keep eyes on Altitooth.
Everyone else, get ready to steer with your body weight! Straight ahead! What's going on here? Whatever it is, I blame you two! Hard left! You want a pieces of me? Let's go, snow to snow! Hit him harder! Harder left! Hard right! We might have hit him too hard.
I'm sure he's fine ish.
Huh.
Maybe being an ice monster is a positive in this situation.
Now I have blizzard blast power, which means ice guys finish first! Been saving that one.
You were right.
He's okay! Okay? I am invincible! He is, and here's why.
The stores Altitooth crashed into were Glen's Glues, Larry's Leaf Blowers, and Kirk's Works, a local fireworks store.
The combination of glue, leaf blowers, and fireworks gave Altitooth increased powers.
We gotta get Captain Underpants.
Um, what are you doing? Cooling my scorched flesh with cold cuts.
What does it look like? Ah, so clammy.
Mm, and hammy! Ooh, mama, bring on the FUNC! - Tra-la-lunch meat! Hey! Why does my skin feel like flaming hot cinnamon lava? Ooh! Meat! Captain Underpants, an abominable snowman is after us! "Abominable" means "bad.
" If you say so! Ah! Hey, abominarub.
Hey, aboblomin-- Hey, blabba nama! Hey, abobindom-- Hey, abdom-- Hey, ab snow guy! Let's shake it up like a snow globe! Chapter 6: The Incredibly Graphic Violence Chapter, in Snow Globe-O-Rama.
Because snow is soft and fluffy, and punches are hard and hurty.
Fists of flurry! Ooh, who said that? I can't see a thing! Walking in a winter wonder bam! Ah! Hello? Visibility is zero! Oh! Frost jacked! Help! I'm snow blind! Whoa! He's frozen solid! Uh, quick, we gotta defrost him like a turkey.
Like a turkey! Yeah, let's roast that bird.
Again! And thawed! So cold.
I can't feel my fingers or my toes or my tail.
It's too bad we can't defrost Altitooth like this.
Harold, you magnificent creature! Captain Underpants, we need a really big satellite dish! You got it! What's a satellite dish? It sounds delicious.
Meanwhile, at POOPSIE, the Piqua Order of Professional Space and Interplanetary Explorers - Greetings, Earthlings.
- Norman! After all these years of nothing.
-Finally, an alien transmission! -We invite you -to join the League of Planet -No! -and share the -No! -wisdom of the -No! No! - BRB, promise! - No! Okay! Got your big silver hat.
Now what? -Point it over there! -The pizza in a sock place? But they serve pizza in a sock! Ice try, but you missed! Point it at the monster! Oh! That makes way more sense! Hey, Altitooth, have some sun, son! Don't call me "son.
" You're not my parents! I have no parents! Time to put you on ice! I've been saving that one, too.
You know, none of this would be happening if Vert had just made up with his parents.
Harold, you beautiful beast! Mr.
and Mrs.
Ladderfeller, of the Ladderfeller climbing dynasty! -Vert needs your help! -You found our son? Since neither of us is winning, wanna take a break? I could go for pizza in a sock.
Oh, no! It's gone! Never! Revenge, dish, cold? It's all coming together! Vert, don't do it! We love you! Mother? Papa? We're sorry for judging you.
Isn't that right, Carabiner? We're sorry.
Please come home.
Papa, Mama! Mama, Papa! Oh, Mama, Papa! Papa, Mama! Your Mama Papa hug as we used to do so long ago! Squeezing each other like this! Papa, Mama! Papa! Oh, ah.
I'm speaking again like a normal person! -I think we learned something today.
-We sure did, pal.
-We tried to melt Vert on the outside.
-But he needed to be melted on the inside.
And that's a Fact Smack! Fact smack Why is it snowing in summer? Ah! And where are my pants? Chapter 7: Melvindication.
So, somehow you all survived and Camp Lake Summer Camp got the flag.
Yes! Finally, I will be reunited with Doopity.
Doopity! So, I guess you win the mystery box.
That's when Krupp realized the mystery box was a winning horse.
And when you've got a winning horse, you ride it into the ground.
Or you can compete for a bigger mystery box, huh? -No! Uh, we'll just take that.
-Bigger mystery box! Bigger! Bigger! Bigger! Bigger! No! Doopity! Doopity! Doopity! Oh! Doopity! Bigger! Ah-vocado! Nature's aloe vera.
Oh, now I look like a cover boy for that FUNC newsletter.
Where is that photographer? Climb! "Campers Reunite Ladderfellers"? But I'm the cover boy! Cover boy! Temporary Sophie, I'm promoting you to Permanent Sophie.
You're fired, Permanent Sophie.
This huge satellite dish means we've got, like, every channel on Earth! Greetings, Earthlings.
This is our last attempt to make contact.
We invite you to join the-- Boring! Change it.
George is the kid on the left with the tie and the flattop.
Harold is the one on the right with the T-shirt and the bad haircut.
Remember that now 'cause they're finally in the same summer camp.
-Ready for the best summer ever? -I was born ready and three weeks late.
So George and Harold make comic books - We're cool! - Me, too! Now they're summering at summer camp And Mr.
Krupp is, too -Blah, blah, blah! - Once they used the hypno-ring And first they made him dance Then accidentally, kinda on purpose Turned him into Captain Underpants Tra-la-la! With a snap, he's the Captain Flying through the trees And don't forget when he gets wet - You're sure to feel the squeeze! -Blah! Put it all together What could possibly go wrong? Now this is the end Of the Captain Underpants song! - By George Beard and Harold Hutchins - Tra-la-camp! The Abysmal Altercation of the Abominable Altitooth.
Chapter 1: Jerk in the Box.
Ow.
What kind of madman sells the camp's volleyballs and replaces them with a hornets' nest? The kind of madman that uses a satellite dish to work on his tan.
He looks like a raw turkey.
-Come on, it's payback time.
-Yeah.
Let's roast that bird.
-Should we make stuffing? -Already done.
-Wow, he's on fire.
- Must've been the butter.
Ahem! Hmm.
What is that, stuffing? When did I eat stuffing? Anyway, listen up! The Federation of United National Camps, aka the FUNC, aka the "funk," is coming to take my picture.
I am the cover boy for their July newsletter! So that's why he was working on his man-tan when we buttered him up.
Yeah, to get down with the FUNC.
So, as a treat for you, and not to benefit me, you're gonna climb a mountain.
So, you're sending us up a mountain so we won't mess up your photo shoot? Yes! No! Oh, get out of my mind! As I was saying, Camp Lake Summer Camp and Lake Summer Camp Camp will race to the top of Plummet Peak.
Climbing is for apes! I told you camp was a waste of time, Mother.
No more oatmeal! I'm full! We can't climb Plummet Peak! No one can! Phony facts! Vert Ladderfeller climbed it.
Vert Ladderfeller III, of the Ladderfeller climbing dynasty, did climb Plummet Peak and planted his flag 20 years ago.
He was never heard from again.
Yeah, but he disappeared 'cause a monster lives there! Altitooth! He's a killing machine.
Machine! That may be true.
According to camp legend, a yeti-like monster with inexplicably long teeth haunts Plummet Peak, howling as he preys on clueless climbers.
You hear that howling? -Who do you think is doing that? -Harold! 'Cause that's how Altitooth howls.
Altitooth's just a campfire story.
Even if he is real, you'll be fine.
So whichever camp brings back Vert's flag wins.
-Wins what? -You win a a uh, a mystery box! What's in it is a mystery.
Yeah, yeah.
Is it a pair of socks? Or is it your greatest desire made real? It's probably socks.
Well, the only way to find out is to win it, because this box will never leave my sight.
Ow, ow! Ah! I bet there's another Sophie in that booox.
A better Sophie.
Better than you, Other Sophie.
I'm not buying this box thing.
Krupp's never given us anything.
Not true.
Remember that time he gave the school free candy? I've rigged the vending machine so when kids put money in it, no candy will come out.
-No! No! -Free candy! I'm just saying, maybe Krupp's telling the truth about the box.
The candy was a fluke, like a solar eclipse.
It'll never happen again.
That's a fluke, too.
You may recall that Stanley Peet's sweaty armpits are like fertile farmland.
Sweet potato muffin? The sweet potatoes are fresh from my armpits! No, you moist mung bean! George and Harold said there's nothing in the box, but that's what they want me to think because there's definitely something, and they don't want me to have it! Well, I'm no fool.
I know that inside that box is my greatest desire made real: Doopity the Dancing Dolphin.
- It's Doopity the dancing dolphin He's a marine abomination And I lost him.
Doopity! -You okay? -I will be because I'm going to get that flag.
This invention will make climbing Plummet Peak easy as-- Pie? It's sweet potato.
Bumper crop in my pits this year.
That's a no.
What are you doing? Chapter 2: Easy Come, Easy Goat.
Quiet! Uh, no one's talking.
Oh.
Well, this is Plummet Peak, so go get the flag.
Any questions? Guess we're on our own.
"Plummet Peak: No mountain guards on duty.
Climb at your own risk.
" "Poopy Peak: Smell at your own risk.
" So good! Heel, you two skin tags! You're coming with me.
-Why? -Because you're my blood type.
But I probably won't need it because we're going to work smarter, not harder.
Behold, the GoatGetter 2000! But that's cheating.
Cheating! Read me the rule that says no robot goats.
You can't because there isn't one.
Now let's goat get 'em! Sorry, Mother, no room for you.
Higher We're climbing to the top Higher They ain't never gonna stop Higher, it's a big cliché Higher, let's hope they'll be okay Sophie One! I need you! Other Sophie, I need you to carry meee! Those eagles snatching the Sophies really threw Jessica for a loop.
Yeah.
Let's take five so she can pull it together.
What about the flag? We gotta get it to prove Krupp's lying.
And Melvin might beat us! Not a chance.
Melvin cramps up brushing his teeth.
Cramp.
Cramp! True.
They're probably stuck in a crevice waiting for an airlift.
Do we have time for this? Time! Of course! The GoatGetter can climb circles around the other camp, which leaves us ample time for lunch.
Duck à l'orange? Oh! I love duck! What? Mop your brow, you clammy klutz! You're shorting out the robot! The GoatGetter is "sweat resistant," not sweatproof! It's stuck! Ah! My skin is on fire! And this cold medicine isn't making it cold.
It's making it sticky.
Oh, no! Ants! Ants! Chapter 3: Misbe-caving.
I'm glad Jessica is working through her grief over the Sophies being eagle-napped.
Finally, temporary Sophie, you'll be on call 24-7 to do what I want.
No! The first rule of Sophies is never speak.
Never, ever, ever! Oh, and, like, deal with that monster.
Altitooth! -Run! -Temporary Sophie, that's your cuuue.
On the plus side, at least Altitooth lives up to the hype.
Help! Help! -Did Altitooth say "help"? -I think he said "kelp.
" -Why would he say "kelp"? -Uh, good point.
Let's help him.
Is-- Is this a trick so you can kill us? - No! - Good enough for me.
Harold, you can't trust him! He's a monster! I'm not a monster.
I'm Vert Ladderfeller the Tird! - "The Turd"? - No.
The Tird! -"The Turd"? -The Tird! -"The Turd.
" -No.
-Whoa! -It's that climbing guy! Whew! You really saved my bacon.
How can I thank you? We're actually here to get the flag you planted at the peak.
We need it to win a camp contest.
Can you help us climb up there? Can I? I'm a Ladderfeller of the Ladderfeller climbing dynasty! Yeah? Um, Vert, if you're a born climber, why are we in an elevator? All right! All right! Since you won't stop badgering me, I'll tell you! -He only asked you one question.
-You dragged it out of me! The truth is I hate climbing! My father, Carabiner, and my mother, Bivouac, climbed the highest mountains.
They expected the same of me, but I'm more of a hills and mounds guy.
They never accepted me.
Neither did the townsfolk.
I was a "living stick"! So, to show them all, I climbed Plummet Peak.
It was awful.
But when I reached the top, I was free! Free from the laughter, the mockery, and the suffocating scorn of Carabiner and Bivouac Ladderfeller.
Best of all, I was in the one place my parents would never look for me, the guy who doesn't like the climby climb, a mountain! 'Cause who needs them? Or other people? Or movie theaters? Or-- Or-- Not me, that's who.
Nope! So, that's why you're pretending to be Altitooth? To scare people away? Yes.
And mountain goats.
They're the worst.
-Why didn't you scare us away? -'Cause you helped me.
Can't remember the last time somebody did that.
This is us.
Welcome to Plummet Peak, the highest point in all of-- Whoa! Missed again, Malachai! So, where's your flag? In a sec.
I don't get a lot of visitors up here, so let me show you around the peak pad first.
Uh, is it at least nice on the inside? No, but I love it s'much.
Yeah.
Wow! So, you live here.
That's right.
Going on 20 years.
Twenty long years.
You okay? Well, of course.
I have everything here.
Snow, ice, thin air, snow, ice.
-Do you have a bathroom? -The mountain is my bathroom.
Grrr-oss.
Ugh, I miss Sophie One.
And I remember Other Sophie.
Don't you get lonely up here? How could I be lonely when I'm surrounded by dear, dear friends? There's Rock, the Stick Twins, Plastic Bag, and-- Oh, who am I kidding? You've dragged it out of me! Dragged what out of you? I'm miserable! I'm stuck! Alone! On a mountain! My best friend is a plastic bag! I'm sorry, Stick Twins.
That's Altitooth's howl! But it's actually Vert crying like a baby! -You thinking what I'm thinking? -Watch our step on Bathroom Mountain? Yes, and we gotta help this guy.
The flag can wait.
Hey, Vert, you wanna come down the mountain with us? -You can work things out with your family.
-Never! I refuse to go back to be mocked again by the low-livers, the flatties, the dirty-downers.
- People who live on the ground! - Oh! Got it.
-Time to get serious.
-Yup.
Comic serious.
Chapter 4: Captain Underpants and the Abominable Altitooth.
By George and Harold.
So one time there was a snow monster with giant teeth named Altitooth 'cause teeth.
And he lived on top of a mountain by himself and howled a lot like a coyote who lost his job.
Whoa-whoa-whack, or whatever howls sound like.
And the townspeople, whaa, freaked out 'cause, whaa, who wants to hear that noise? Am I right? Yup.
The mayor, who was also the garbage man, 'cause no one wanted that job, called Captain Underpants to stop Altitooth before it was too late.
Captain Underpants was all, "Sure, that's in my wheelhouse.
What's a wheelhouse? And I need to practice yodeling for yodeling class!" Captain Underpants flew up to the mountain and was all, "Yo dug ho la ko!" 'cause he was getting a D-plus in yodels.
Then Altitooth lashed out like a coyote who can't find a job.
Captain Underpants tried to stop him with a long John lunge and a thermal thwack.
But Altitooth was all ice, which is like cold rock, and he cold cocked Captain Underpants, literally, 'cause ice.
So, Captain Underpants tried an attack yodel.
"Wee no sono whoa so ho!" And nothing happened 'cause that's nonsense.
But Altitooth started crying and was all like, "That sounds like the yodel-by my mom used to sing.
" Then Captain Underpants knew the real battle was the one raging between Altitooth and his parents.
So, Captain Underpants used all the tools he learned at that Healing with Feeling workshop.
Soul staring and yell talking and also crying.
And it made Altitooth and his mom and dad make up and take out a small business loan to open a fondue restaurant with melted cheese! They even hired a coyote as chef, but that was a huge mistake.
Okay, the end.
Sold! I'll make up with my parents.
Before you say no, hear us out.
I didn't say "no.
" I said "yes.
" -Come on, Vert.
Come on.
-Just listen! -Come on.
-Say yes! -Give us a chance.
-Come on.
-Hear us out.
-Wait, you're in? Yes.
I hate this mountain and it smells like a toilet.
Can we, like, go before this cabin falls apaaart? Yes.
I just need to say my goodbyes.
Rock, you were a good friend to me.
Ah, the Stick Twins, we certainly had some times, eh? Plastic Bag, uh, I-- Chapter 5: Goat Ahead, Make My Day.
Hey, it's Vert's flag! Think now's a good time to ask for it? Well, we did help him.
By solving his 20-year existential crisis.
Hey, Vert, can we borrow your flag? How did you beat us? And who is that vagrant? He's not a vagrant.
He's Vert Ladderfeller III.
Of the Ladderfeller climbing dynasty! And that flag is ours! Well, not for long.
GoatGetter, goat get that flag! Low-livers? On a mountain goat? The two things I hate most have joined forces! Conflict makes me sweat.
Don't fight.
Have some pit pie! No! What? No! What have you done, you drippy dreck? What have you done? Ooh! Oh-hoo-hoo! That was close! That looked bad.
But that looks worse! I am a monster! Half man, half goat, half pie, half ice! I am "Aldidooth"! I am Altitooth! Al-ti-tooth! Altitooth! Altitooth.
He's Altitooth! But for real now! How is this possible? Let's ask the Science Sock.
No idea.
Despite the indisputable evidence, Altitooth isn't real.
Ha! Ice touch power! You got my goat, whoever you are, but I've got your flag.
So, I win! I said I'm Altitooth! On second thought, I'm sold! I feel a "run for our lives" coming on.
After 20 years, I finally have the power to get revenge! On my parents and all low-livers, and no one can stop me, especially not some dirty-downer kids! I just gave you the cold shoulder if you pretend the door is a shoulder.
It's payback time! We need Captain Underpants.
But we're locked in a cabin on a mountain, and Krupp's back at camp.
Ah, "Blood Hat III.
A movie so scary, you'll break into a cold sweat.
" Ooh! That'll soothe my sunburn.
Probably not even sca-- Oh, this cabin is unstable.
Unstable! That's it! We're making this cabin a mobile home! Everyone, jump! Temporary Sophie, jump for us both.
Jump! Jump! We didn't think this through.
We've got to guide this ride! Harold, you man the window and keep eyes on Altitooth.
Everyone else, get ready to steer with your body weight! Straight ahead! What's going on here? Whatever it is, I blame you two! Hard left! You want a pieces of me? Let's go, snow to snow! Hit him harder! Harder left! Hard right! We might have hit him too hard.
I'm sure he's fine ish.
Huh.
Maybe being an ice monster is a positive in this situation.
Now I have blizzard blast power, which means ice guys finish first! Been saving that one.
You were right.
He's okay! Okay? I am invincible! He is, and here's why.
The stores Altitooth crashed into were Glen's Glues, Larry's Leaf Blowers, and Kirk's Works, a local fireworks store.
The combination of glue, leaf blowers, and fireworks gave Altitooth increased powers.
We gotta get Captain Underpants.
Um, what are you doing? Cooling my scorched flesh with cold cuts.
What does it look like? Ah, so clammy.
Mm, and hammy! Ooh, mama, bring on the FUNC! - Tra-la-lunch meat! Hey! Why does my skin feel like flaming hot cinnamon lava? Ooh! Meat! Captain Underpants, an abominable snowman is after us! "Abominable" means "bad.
" If you say so! Ah! Hey, abominarub.
Hey, aboblomin-- Hey, blabba nama! Hey, abobindom-- Hey, abdom-- Hey, ab snow guy! Let's shake it up like a snow globe! Chapter 6: The Incredibly Graphic Violence Chapter, in Snow Globe-O-Rama.
Because snow is soft and fluffy, and punches are hard and hurty.
Fists of flurry! Ooh, who said that? I can't see a thing! Walking in a winter wonder bam! Ah! Hello? Visibility is zero! Oh! Frost jacked! Help! I'm snow blind! Whoa! He's frozen solid! Uh, quick, we gotta defrost him like a turkey.
Like a turkey! Yeah, let's roast that bird.
Again! And thawed! So cold.
I can't feel my fingers or my toes or my tail.
It's too bad we can't defrost Altitooth like this.
Harold, you magnificent creature! Captain Underpants, we need a really big satellite dish! You got it! What's a satellite dish? It sounds delicious.
Meanwhile, at POOPSIE, the Piqua Order of Professional Space and Interplanetary Explorers - Greetings, Earthlings.
- Norman! After all these years of nothing.
-Finally, an alien transmission! -We invite you -to join the League of Planet -No! -and share the -No! -wisdom of the -No! No! - BRB, promise! - No! Okay! Got your big silver hat.
Now what? -Point it over there! -The pizza in a sock place? But they serve pizza in a sock! Ice try, but you missed! Point it at the monster! Oh! That makes way more sense! Hey, Altitooth, have some sun, son! Don't call me "son.
" You're not my parents! I have no parents! Time to put you on ice! I've been saving that one, too.
You know, none of this would be happening if Vert had just made up with his parents.
Harold, you beautiful beast! Mr.
and Mrs.
Ladderfeller, of the Ladderfeller climbing dynasty! -Vert needs your help! -You found our son? Since neither of us is winning, wanna take a break? I could go for pizza in a sock.
Oh, no! It's gone! Never! Revenge, dish, cold? It's all coming together! Vert, don't do it! We love you! Mother? Papa? We're sorry for judging you.
Isn't that right, Carabiner? We're sorry.
Please come home.
Papa, Mama! Mama, Papa! Oh, Mama, Papa! Papa, Mama! Your Mama Papa hug as we used to do so long ago! Squeezing each other like this! Papa, Mama! Papa! Oh, ah.
I'm speaking again like a normal person! -I think we learned something today.
-We sure did, pal.
-We tried to melt Vert on the outside.
-But he needed to be melted on the inside.
And that's a Fact Smack! Fact smack Why is it snowing in summer? Ah! And where are my pants? Chapter 7: Melvindication.
So, somehow you all survived and Camp Lake Summer Camp got the flag.
Yes! Finally, I will be reunited with Doopity.
Doopity! So, I guess you win the mystery box.
That's when Krupp realized the mystery box was a winning horse.
And when you've got a winning horse, you ride it into the ground.
Or you can compete for a bigger mystery box, huh? -No! Uh, we'll just take that.
-Bigger mystery box! Bigger! Bigger! Bigger! Bigger! No! Doopity! Doopity! Doopity! Oh! Doopity! Bigger! Ah-vocado! Nature's aloe vera.
Oh, now I look like a cover boy for that FUNC newsletter.
Where is that photographer? Climb! "Campers Reunite Ladderfellers"? But I'm the cover boy! Cover boy! Temporary Sophie, I'm promoting you to Permanent Sophie.
You're fired, Permanent Sophie.
This huge satellite dish means we've got, like, every channel on Earth! Greetings, Earthlings.
This is our last attempt to make contact.
We invite you to join the-- Boring! Change it.