The Fall Guy (1981) s01e11 Episode Script
Goin' for It!
WELL, I'M NOT THE KIND TO KISS AND TELL BUT I'VE BEEN SEEN WITH FARRAH I'VE NEVER BEEN WITH ANYTHING LESS THAN A NINE SO FINE I'VE BEEN ON FIRE WITH SALLY FIELD GONE FAS WITH A GIRL NAMED BO BUT SOMEHOW THEY JUS DON'T END UP AS MINE IT'S A DEATH-DEFYIN' LIFE I LEAD I TAKE MY CHANCES I DIE FOR A LIVIN' IN THE MOVIES AND TV [ Siren Wailing .]
BUT THE HARDEST THING I EVER DO IS WATCH MY LEADING LADIES KISS SOME OTHER GUY WHILE I'M BANDAGIN' MY KNEE I MIGHT FALL FROM A TALL BUILDIN' I MIGHT ROLL A BRAND-NEW CAR 'CAUSE I'M THE UNKNOWN STUNTMAN THAT MADE REDFORD SUCH A STAR [ Women Vocalizing .]
I'VE NEVER SPEN MUCH TIME IN SCHOOL BUT I'VE TAUGH LADIES PLENTY IT'S TRUE I HIRE MY BODY OUT FOR PAY HEY, HEY I'VE GOTTEN BURNED OVER CHERYL TIEGS BLOWN UP FOR RAQUEL WELCH BUT WHEN I WIND UP IN THE HAY, IT'S ONLY HAY HEY, HEY I MIGHT JUMP AN OPEN DRAWBRIDGE OR TARZAN FROM A VINE 'CAUSE I'M THE UNKNOWN STUNTMAN THAT MAKES EASTWOOD LOOK SO FINE [ Colt Narrating .]
THIS IS THE STORY OF ONE OF AMERICA'S GREAT UNSUNG HEROES.
I MEAN, YOU'VE SEEN HIM, BUT YOU NEVER KNEW WHO HE WAS.
YOU'VE CHEERED FOR HIM AND CRIED FOR HIM, WOMEN HAVE WANTED TO DIE FOR HIM.
BUT DID HE EVER GET ANY CREDIT? OR THE GIRL? NO.
HE WAS WHAT WE CALL A STUNTMAN.
AND THE REASON I'M TALKIN' SO FONDLY ABOUT HIM IS-- WELL, BECAUSE IT'S ME, COLT SEAVERS.
ANYWAY, PICTURE WORK ISN'T WALL-TO-WALL EMPLOYMENT.
SO MAYBE YOU WONDER HOW A GUY KEEPS HIS HEAD TOGETHER.
WELL, ONE WAY IS TO WAIT BY THE PHONE AND WAIT AND WAIT.
THE OTHER IS TO TAKE AN OCCASIONAL JOB FOR THE COURT SYSTEM OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA, WHERE A MAN IS CONSIDERED INNOCEN UNTIL PROVEN GUILTY.
UNFORTUNATELY, SOMETIMES A LO OF THESE PEOPLE GET OUT OF JAIL ON WHAT WE CALL BAIL.
AND THEY RUN LIKE HELL.
THAT'S WHERE I COME IN.
I SOMETIMES PICK UP RENT MONEY TRYIN' TO FIND THEM AND BRING THEM BACK TO JUSTICE.
BUT SOMETIMES I HAVE TO WORK REAL HARD TO EARN MY KEEP.
[ Car Door Closes .]
YOU BATES? YOU SEAVERS? HE'S IN THE YELLOW HOUSE.
[ Colt .]
YOU SURE HE HASN'T GONE OUT? WHY WOULD HE GO OUT? WOMEN AND FOOD KEEP GOING IN.
HE HAS ALL HIS FOOD DELIVERED? CHINESE FOOD, FRIED CHICKEN, PIZZA.
PIZZA? PERFECT.
BY THE WAY, THANKS FOR KEEPING AN EYE ON HIM TILL I COULD GET HERE.
NO PROBLEM.
THE SANTA BARBARA POLICE DEPARTMENT'S ALWAYS HAPPY TO COOPERATE.
YOU ALWAYS CARRY A PIZZA IN THE BACK OF YOUR TRUCK? NEVER KNOW WHAT YOU'RE GONNA NEED ON THIS JOB.
YOU'RE JUST GONNA GO RIGHT ON UP AND SLAP THE CUFFS ON HIM? OH, ARRESTING 'EM IS THE EASY PART.
FINDING 'EM IS THE HARD PART.
- YOU MIND IF I WATCH? - SUIT YOURSELF.
[ Rock On Stereo .]
[ Laughter .]
[ Doorbell Ringing .]
[ Man .]
WHO IS IT? PIZZA DELIVERY.
JUST A SECOND.
I DIDN'T ORDER ANY PIZZA.
I TOLD 'EM YOU DIDN'T LIKE ANCHOVIES.
[ Woman .]
OH, MY-- HEY! [ Women Chattering, Shouting .]
[ Chattering Continues .]
EXCUSE ME.
PARDON ME.
WHAT KIND OF A PIZZA IS THAT? ONE FOR SOMEBODY WITH A CAST-IRON STOMACH.
WHOA! CURLY, THIS IS HURTIN' ME MORE THAN YOU.
[ Grunting, Growling .]
THAT WAS A NICE PIECE OF WORK.
[ Coughing .]
LIKE I SAID, THE ARREST WAS THE EASY PART.
HEY, THAT'S MY TRUCK! YOU'RE HURTIN' MY TRUCK! [ Engine Starts .]
HEY, WHERE YOU GOING? HEY! HEY! HEY! HEY! HEY! HEY! WAIT! [ Grunting .]
YOU GOT A CHOICE, CURLY.
YOU CAN RUN ALONGSIDE ALL THE WAY TO L.
A.
, OR YOU CAN RIDE IN THE BACK.
HURT MY TRUCK! [ Man On P.
A.
.]
ALL RIGHT, LET'S GE THE STUNT TEAM READY.
NOW, YOU ALWAYS WALK THE ROAD BEFORE DOIN' A STUNT BECAUSE IT'S IMPORTAN THAT THE DRIVER KNOW EVERY INCH OF THAT ROAD, ESPECIALLY WHEN DOIN' A GAG LIKE THIS.
HE SOUNDS JUST LIKE COLT.
HE SHOULD.
WHO DO YOU THINK TAUGHT COLT? LET'S DO IT.
YEAH, WE'LL BE RIGHT THERE.
ALL RIGHT, JUST ONE THING TO REMEMBER, JODY: WATCH YOUR SPEED.
RIGHT.
SIXTY-FIVE RIGHT ON THE NOSE.
AND SUCH A CUTE NOSE AT THAT.
HOLD ON, GANG.
WE'LL RIDE BACK WITH YA.
OKAY.
OKAY! [ Man On P.
A.
.]
ALL RIGHT, GET THE CAMERA CAR IN POSITION, STEVE.
THANK YOU.
[ Man #2 .]
ALL RIGHT.
THREE CAMERAS.
WELL, WHAT DO YOU THINK, DOC? WILL IT FLY? WELL, IF THE LADY CAN DRIVE, IT'LL WORK.
THEN I DON'T HAVE A THING TO WORRY ABOUT.
LUCK? LUCK.
WELL, ONE TAKE, AND IT'S HAPPY HOUR.
[ Man On P.
A.
.]
BOTH CAMERAS ARE READY.
OKAY, THERE YOU GO.
EXCUSE ME, DOC.
OKAY, BOYS, HERE WE GO.
READY? JUST SAY WHEN.
WELL, THEN LET'S GO FOR IT.
[ Man On P.
A.
.]
ALL RIGHT, CHOPPER.
ACTION! HOLD IT STEADY, JODY.
WHOO! THE HOOK'S JAMMED! I CAN'T MAKE THE HOOKUP! TAKE ME DOWN! HOLD ON! I'LL SET IT RIGHT DOWN! I CAN'T MAKE THE HOOKUP! THERE'S SOMETHING WRONG WITH THE CLASP! CAN'T HOLD ON ANY LONGER! [ Screams .]
STEVE! [ Gasps .]
STEVE! THAT'LL HANDLE THAT.
[ Whistling .]
JACK, I GOT HIM.
OH, COLT.
I'M SO GLAD I FOUND YOU.
WHAT'S THAT MATTER? DIDN'T THINK I COULD HANDLE HIM? NO, IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THAT.
COLT, I JUST GO A CALL FROM HOWIE.
YEAH? WHAT'S THE MATTER? SOMETHING HAPPENED OUT ON LOCATION.
- DID SOMETHING HAPPEN TO JODY? - NOT JODY.
IT'S STEVE KRUGER.
- WHAT HAPPENED? - HE FELL.
- FELL? - BUT DON'T WORRY.
HE'S STILL ALIVE.
[ Woman On P.
A.
.]
DR.
MOSS, I.
C.
U.
5-6-7-4-4.
HE'S CRITICAL, BUT STABLE.
IT'S A GOOD THING HE HIT THE WATER.
I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
GLORIA.
COLT.
WHAT IF HE DOESN'T MAKE IT? HEY! HE'S GONNA MAKE IT.
NO STUNT'S EVER GONNA GET STEVE.
OH, BUT THIS WAS AWFULLY CLOSE.
CLOSE IS WHAT STUNTS ARE ALL ABOUT.
BOY, YOU TWO ARE REALLY SOMETHING.
HEY.
CAN I SEE HIM? HE'S STILL IN A COMA.
HI, SWEETHEART.
UNCLE COLT, IS MY DADDY GOING TO DIE? ARE YOU KIDDING? DOES BURT REYNOLDS EVER DIE IN ANY OF HIS MOVIES? NO.
WELL, NEITHER DOES HIS STUNTMAN.
YOU HANG IN THERE.
WHAT HAPPENED? HE COULDN'T MAKE THE HOOKUP TO THE SAFETY CABLE.
WHY? HE'S DONE THAT STUNT 10 TIMES.
WE BOTH HAVE.
- WAS CHUCK FLYING THE CHOPPER? - YEAH.
DOC BROWNER RIGGED THE CAR.
- WHO'S SPECIAL EFFECTS? - AL DEMATO.
BUT STEVE RIGGED HIS OWN HARNESS JUST LIKE YOU DO.
YOU TWO LOOK AFTER GLORIA AND WENDY.
I'M GONNA TRY AND FIND DOC BROWNER.
TRY THE MOTEL WHERE THE CREW'S STAYING.
I THINK YOU'LL FIND HIM DRINKING IN THE BAR.
- DOC? HE'S NOT A DRINKER.
- HE IS TONIGHT.
[ Country On Jukebox .]
HEY, I WANT A DRINK.
MISS, ANOTHER ONE OVER HERE.
IT DOESN'T LOOK TO ME LIKE YOU NEED ANOTHER ONE, DOC.
COLT.
COLT SEAVERS! OH! HEY, DOC, UH, I THINK YOU'D BETTER SIT BACK DOWN, HUH? COME ON.
SIT DOWN.
I-I GUESS MAYBE I BETTER.
HEARD A LO ABOUT YOU, SEAVERS.
OH, COLT, THIS IS PETE THOMAS.
HE'S FURNISHING THE STUNT CARS ON THIS PICTURE.
AND, UH, TAKIN' CARE OF THE WRECKS WHEN YOU GUYS ARE THROUGH WITH 'EM.
- IT'S A REAL PLEASURE TO MEET YOU.
- UH, PLEASED TO MEET YOU TOO.
LOOK, PETE, I HOPE YOU DON'T TAKE THIS WRONG.
THE BEST FRIEND I HAVE IN THE WORLD ALMOST GOT KILLED TODAY.
I'D LIKE TO HAVE A LONG, PRIVATE TALK WITH DOC ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED.
YEAH, SURE.
LOOK, IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME, I'D LIKE TO GET DOC BACK TO HIS ROOM.
PLEASURE MEETING YOU.
OKAY, YEAH.
WE'LL SEE YOU AGAIN.
SEE YOU, DOC.
YEAH.
COME ON.
SEE YOU.
THANKS AGAIN.
DOC, WHAT ARE YOU DOIN' TO YOURSELF? YOU DON'T DRINK.
OH, COLT, YOU SHOULD'VE BEEN THERE.
YOU SHOULD'VE SEEN IT.
TOMORROW, I WANNA GO OVER EVERYTHING THAT STEVE DID BEFORE THE STUNT, OKAY? WE DID WHAT WE ALWAYS DID.
I TOOK CARE OF THE CAR, AND STEVE RIGGED THE HARNESS.
ALL RIGHT, WHO RIGGED THE SAFETY CABLE ON THE CHOPPER? THE EFFECTS MAN, AL DEMATO, DID.
WHERE CAN I FIND HIM? HOW SHOULD I KNOW? SLEEP.
WHERE'S YOUR ROOM? [ Camera Shutter Clicking .]
RIGHT UP HERE, 105.
WE GOT A CAR GAG TO DO THE FIRST THING IN THE MORNING.
STEVE'S SUPPOSED TO DRIVE.
YEAH, WELL, UH, ALL RIGHT.
DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT.
I'LL DO IT.
ANY IDEA WHO HE IS? [ Man #2 .]
WE SHOULD KNOW BY NOON.
[ Phone Ringing .]
YEAH? [ Man .]
HE'S STILL ALIVE.
WHAT? HOW COULD HE BE? HE'S IN A COMA.
HE FELL INTO A CATTLE POND.
[ Chuckles .]
WELL, THAT'S OKAY.
I WOULDN'T WORRY ABOUT IT.
BY THE TIME HE RECOVERS, WE'RE GONNA BE LONG GONE.
I'M AFRAID WE GO ANOTHER PROBLEM.
GOOD.
WHAT NOW? ANOTHER STUNTMAN.
A FRIEND OF KRUGER'S.
COLT SEAVERS.
THINK HE COULD BE TROUBLE? NO MORE THAN THE OTHER ONE.
[ Howie .]
COLT, WE'RE GETTING CLOSE.
[ Colt .]
YEAH, KID.
COLT, I WANNA THANK YOU FOR TAKING OVER FOR STEVE.
HEY, LOOK, HE WOULD'VE DONE IT FOR ME.
BESIDES, I WANNA KNOW WHAT HAPPENED.
WELL, I'M AS UPSE ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED TO STEVE AS ANYBODY, BUT I'VE STILL GO A PICTURE TO MAKE.
HEY, I'M WITH YOU ALL THE WAY.
IN FACT, MAYBE WE CAN MAKE THIS PICTURE A SORT OF TRIBUTE TO STEVE.
WELL, YOU BE CAREFUL.
I DON'T WANT THIS PICTURE TO END UP A MEMORIAL TO COLT SEAVERS.
HEY, DON'T WORRY.
WELL, WE GOT ABOU FIVE MINUTES.
NOW, THIS IS GONNA BE A NICE, EASY LITTLE JUMP OVER A FLATBED.
I KNOW.
JUST PUNCH IT AND HANG ON AND LET THE RAMP DO THE WORK.
YOU GOT IT.
WELL, YOU ABOUT READY? YOU WAITING ON ME, YOU'RE BACKING UP.
COLT, WHEN ARE YOU GONNA LET ME TRY ONE OF THESE? WELL, WHY NOT RIGHT NOW? - YOU MEAN I GET TO DRIVE? - NO.
BUT THERE'S SUPPOSED TO BE TWO PEOPLE IN THE TRUCK.
GET YOUR HELMET.
WELL, THAT BEATS WATCHING.
[ Man On P.
A.
.]
CREW'S ALMOST READY.
[ Engine Revving .]
SOUNDS GOOD, DOC.
YEAH, IT'S FINE.
OH, SAY, COLT.
ABOUT LAST NIGHT-- FORGET IT.
IT HAPPENS.
THANKS.
YOU'RE A GOOD FRIEND.
STUNT SEQUENCE COMING UP.
HOLD ALL TRAFFIC ON THE ROADS, PLEASE.
ROLL CAMERAS.
BACKGROUND ACTION.
ACTION! ALL RIGHT, KID.
TAKE A TIGHT HOLD AND A DEEP SEAT.
THAT RAMP COMES UP PRETTY QUICK.
[ Man On P.
A.
.]
COME AHEAD, BUDDY.
SPEED'S GOOD.
HERE COMES OUR DIESEL.
HEY, LADY, STOP! [ Tires Screeching .]
- [ Man .]
SHE'S RIGHT IN THEIR PATH! - [ Horn Honking .]
- [ Howie .]
LOOK OUT, COLT! - WHAT THE-- [ Man On P.
A.
.]
CUT! CUT! COLT, YOU ALL RIGHT? YEAH.
OKAY.
GET HER OFF MY SET! GET OUT ALL RIGHT? YEAH.
HUH? [ Man On P.
A.
.]
ALL RIGHT, FOLKS, BACK TO WORK.
LET'S GO.
- COLT SEAVERS.
- TELL ME THAT WASN'T HER.
THAT LADY INSURANCE INVESTIGATOR-- KAY FAULKNER.
WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU DOING, LADY? YOU COULD'VE GOT SOMEBODY KILLED! YEAH, LIKE US! DIDN'T YOU SEE THAT GUY HOLDING TRAFFIC UP BACK THERE? SO THAT'S WHAT HE WAS DOING? YES! NOW STOP IT WITH THA QUIRKY LITTLE CHARM OF YOURS.
NOW, YOU ALMOST TURNED THIS INTO A DISASTER FILM.
FROM WHAT I UNDERSTAND, IT ALREADY HAS BEEN, SEAVERS.
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? STEVE KRUGER'S ACCIDENT.
MY INSURANCE COMPANY SENT ME OUT HERE TO INVESTIGATE WHAT HAPPENED.
AND ONE WORD FROM ME, AND THIS POLICY'S CANCELED.
NO INSURANCE, NO MOVIE.
ARE YOU GONNA SHUT US DOWN? YOU'RE DAMN RIGH I AM, SEAVERS.
IF I FIND OU THAT SAFETY PROCEDURES HAVEN'T BEEN FOLLOWED, IF I FIND OUT THAT NEGLIGENCE CAUSED THIS ACCIDENT, IF I FIND OUT, AS I SUSPECT I WILL, THAT THIS MOVIE HAS BEEN ONE BIG LONG PARTY-- HEY, WHOA, WHOA! SLOW DOWN.
DON'T TELL ME TO "WHOA, WHOA.
" YOU'RE NOT ROY ROGERS AND I'M NOT TRIGGER.
YOU'RE GONNA BE OUT OF A JOB.
EVERYBODY KNOWS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN A MOVIE GOES ON LOCATION.
WHAT HAPPENS, COLT? YEAH, WHAT DOES HAPPEN? YOU KNOW-- THE CAROUSING AROUND ALL NIGHT, THE GETTING STONED, THE MUSICAL BEDS.
M-- MUSICAL-- HAVE YOU EVER BEEN ON A LOCATION LIKE THAT, COLT? SHUT UP.
HOW COULD ANYBODY WORK THE HOURS WE DO AND FOOL AROUND ALL NIGHT? NO ONE CAN.
THAT'S WHY YOU HAVE ACCIDENTS.
NOW, IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME, I HAVE WORK TO DO.
[ Man On P.
A.
.]
ALL RIGHT, NEW SETUP.
LET'S GET THE TRUCK ON ITS WHEELS.
THAT WOMAN NEEDS TO BE TURNED OVER A KNEE AND SPANKED.
PROBABLY JUST WHAT SHE WANTS.
WHAT? SHE'S A CLASSIC CASE OF A WOMAN WHO WANTS HER FATHER'S ATTENTION.
PSYCHOANALYTICALLY SPEAKING, YOU KNOW, SHE'S A FASCINATING CASE.
I STUDIED THIS IN SOME DETAIL AT THE FREUD INSTITUTE IN VIENNA.
HOWARD! UM-- WHAT IS IT, COLT? SKID MARKS FROM A ROLL BAR VERY SUDDENLY TURNED GOLD.
GOLD PAINT UNDER BLACK.
YEAH, I GUESS SO.
EXPENSIVE-LOOKING PRIMER.
WELL, LET'S GET JODY AND GET SOME LUNCH.
[ Man On P.
A.
.]
ALL RIGHT, CREW IN THE TRUCK, LET'S GO.
MUNSON WAS HERE WHEN THE ACCIDENT HAPPENED.
IT FIGURES THAT HE CALLED SEAVERS.
A STUNTMAN AND A BOUNTY HUNTER.
HE MUST HAVE POLICE CONTACTS.
WHAT ARE WE WAITING FOR? NO, NO, NOT YET.
WE'LL WAIT TILL HE'S ALONE.
WHAT ARE WE LOOKIN' FOR, COLT? I WISH THE HELL I KNEW.
HEY, DOC.
HEY, COLT.
HOWIE.
WHAT ARE YOU GUYS DOIN' HERE? I WAS LOOKIN' FOR THAT TRUCK I FLIPPED THIS MORNING.
WELL, YOU JUST MISSED IT.
WHERE'D IT GO? BIG WRECKING YARD UP IN THE SKY.
NO, PETE THOMAS TOOK IT.
YOU MET HIM LAST NIGH IN THE BAR.
OH, YEAH.
DOES HE BUY ALL THE CARS THAT GET JUNKED ON THIS PICTURE? NO, ACTUALLY, THEY'RE HIS TO BEGIN WITH.
HE'S GOT A USED CAR LO UP IN PHOENIX.
AFTER WE WRECK 'EM, HE SELLS 'EM FOR SCRAP IN MEXICO.
- WHERE'S HIS YARD? - OH, DOWN THE INTERSTATE.
CLOSE TO THE CITY LIMITS.
HOW COME YOU GUYS ARE SO INTERESTED IN THAT OLD WRECK? WELL, I ME THIS GIRL ON THE SET.
SHE GAVE ME HER TELEPHONE NUMBER.
IT WAS IN MY JACKET.
IT MUST'VE FELL OU WHEN WE WERE UPSIDE DOWN THIS MORNING.
WELL, WHAT ARE YOU WORRIED ABOUT? ANOTHER ONE'LL COME ALONG.
UH, ANOTHER ONE ALREADY DID.
I JUST NEED TO KNOW WHAT TIME TO TELL THE FIRST ONE TO SHOW UP.
TWO GIRLS, COLT? TWO? HOWIE, DIDN'T YOU KNOW? STUNTMEN NEVER SLEEP ALONE.
YEAH.
COME ON.
[ Horn Honks .]
AFTERNOON, COLT.
WHAT CAN I DO FOR YOU? HI, PETE.
FLIPPED A TRUCK THIS MORNIN'.
DOC SAYS YOU TOOK IT AWAY.
I THINK I MIGHT HAVE LEF SOMETHIN' IN IT.
[ Chuckles .]
WELL, YOU'RE JUS A LITTLE BIT TOO LATE.
- WHAT DO YOU MEAN, TOO LATE? - SORRY.
- CAN'T YOU STOP IT? - YEAH, CAN'T YOU STOP IT? IT'LL JUST TAKE A SECOND TO LOOK INSIDE.
LIKE I SAID, YOU'RE JUS A LITTLE BIT TOO LATE.
OH, NO.
ANYTHING ELSE I CAN DO FOR YOU? NO, NOT TODAY.
WELL, COME BACK AND SEE US ANYTIME.
OH, NO.
OH, NO, YOU DON'T, COLT SEAVERS! I WANNA TALK TO YOU! NOT NOW.
WE GOTTA GET BACK TO THE SET.
GREAT.
EVERY TIME I WANNA TALK TO YOU, YOU'RE ALWAYS BUSY.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING OUT HERE? HOW DID YOU FIND US? DOC TOLD ME.
GOOD DETECTIVE.
SEAVERS, I TOLD YOU THAT I MEANT BUSINESS WHEN I CAME DOWN HERE, AND YOU'RE NOT BEING THE LEAST BIT COOPERATIVE.
THAT'S NOT TRUE.
LOOK, I JUST DON'T HAVE TIME TO GO CHASING AFTER YOU.
BESIDES, YOU NEVER THOUGHT MUCH OF MY HUNCHES ANYWAY.
WHAT HUNCHES? WHY ARE YOU INTERESTED IN THAT CAR YOU FLIPPED? I DIDN'T FLIP A CAR.
YOU DID.
IT WAS A TRUCK.
AND I WOULDN'T PARK THERE.
I WILL PARK ANYPLACE I DARN WELL PLEASE.
I AM HERE ON OFFICIAL BUSINESS.
NOW STOP AVOIDING THE POINT, AND PLEASE TELL ME, WHY ARE YOU INTERESTED IN THAT TRUCK? - KAY, YOU REALLY OUGHTA MOVE YOUR CAR.
- DON'T DOUBLE-TEAM ME.
WOULD YOU PLEASE-- YES, DON'T DOUBLE-TEAM HER, KID.
SHE KNOWS WHAT SHE'S DOIN'.
SEAVERS, I WANT AN ANSWER! YOU HAVE NO BUSINESS BEING SENT TO INVESTIGATE A MOVIE ACCIDENT.
YOU KNOW NOTHING ABOU THE MOVIE BUSINESS.
YOU DON' EVEN KNOW WHERE TO BEGIN.
[ Kay .]
OKAY.
-OKAY, MR.
KNOW-IT-ALL.
I'M GONNA FIND OUT WHY YOU'RE HERE.
-[ Horn Honks .]
IF IT TURNS OUT THAT YOU'RE WITHHOLDING EVIDENCE, I'LL HAVE THAT DIRECTOR SEND YOU PACKING.
- YOU WOULDN'T.
- WITH PLEASURE.
YOU KNOW, I DO BELIEVE YOU HAVE A MEAN STREAK.
[ Chuckling .]
WHY IS IT THIS MAN-- OH, NO! OH-- OH, NO! WAIT! THAT WAS MY CAR! [ Stammering .]
I'M GONNA KILL HIM! THIS PLACE IS TURNING INTO A REGULAR CIRCUS AROUND HERE, I GOTTA TELL YA.
WAS THAT SEAVERS? YEP.
- AND HE'S GETTIN' TOO CLOSE.
- YEAH, YOU'RE RIGHT.
THIS GUY'S GOTTA GO.
HE'S IN A DANGEROUS LINE OF BUSINESS.
[ Man On P.
A.
.]
ALL RIGHT, CHECK THE CAMERAS.
TWO MINUTES TO GO.
COLT, ARE YOU SURE THIS IS THE WAY YOU STARTED? DON'T WORRY.
IT'S JUST LIKE WALKING OUT OF YOUR OWN FRONT DOOR.
YEAH, WHICH IS ON FIRE.
YOU'LL NEVER NOTICE THE FIRE.
THAT'S FOR SURE, BECAUSE MY EYES ARE GONNA BE CLOSED.
AW, COME ON, HOWIE.
YOU CAN DO IT.
JUST THINK.
YOU'LL BE A REAL STUNTMAN.
YOU CAN EVEN GE YOUR OWN FALL GUY JACKET.
YEAH, MY MIND IS CONVINCED.
IT'S MY LEGS THAT HAVE THE PROBLEM.
YOU GUYS ABOUT READY? I GUESS SO.
JUST RELAX, KID.
I'LL BE IN THERE WITH YOU.
WITH A FIRE EXTINGUISHER TO PUT ME OU IF THERE ARE ANY PROBLEMS? NO, WITH A LIGHTER TO MAKE SURE YOU STAY LIT.
THAT HOUSE IS AS DRY AS ONE OF THOSE COW SKULLS YOU FIND OUT IN THE PASTURE.
- YOU KNOW THAT? - DOES HE HAVE TO TALK ABOUT THINGS THAT ARE DEAD? [ Man .]
WHEN THAT THING GOES, IT'S GONNA GO BIG.
DON'T FORGET, COLT, YOU GOT 10 SECONDS TO GET OUT THE BACK DOOR AFTER THEY YELL "ACTION.
" SO BOTH OF YOU GET OUT OF THAT HOUSE AS FAST AS YOU CAN AND GET AS FAR AWAY AS YOU CAN.
DO YOU HEAR ME? YOU GOT IT.
ALL RIGHT, STUNTMAN, LET'S GO GET 'EM.
COME ON.
READY? YOU SURE YOU WANNA BE INSIDE? I USUALLY DO THAT.
I THINK HE'D FEEL BETTER IF HE KNEW I WAS IN THERE WITH HIM.
ALL RIGHT, WELL, GOOD LUCK.
COLT SEAVERS, YOU ARE IN BIG TROUBLE.
LOOK, NOT NOW.
WE'RE TRYING TO DO A STUNT.
YOU ARE NOT GOING TO GET AWAY FROM ME THIS TIME.
SUIT YOURSELF.
MY RENTED CAR WAS DESTROYED.
YEAH, WELL, I HOPE IT WAS INSURED.
OH, VERY FUNNY.
LISTEN, SEAVERS, I DON'T THINK YOU'RE TAKING THIS INVESTIGATION VERY SERIOUSLY, BUT I KNOW THAT YOU ARE JUS AS INTERESTED IN FINDING OU WHAT HAPPENED TO STEVE AS I AM.
AT LEAST IF YOU'VE GO A BRAIN IN YOUR HEAD, YOU SHOULD BE.
I DO, AND I AM.
YOU GOT A LIGHT? LISTEN, I WANNA KNOW WHAT TOOK YOU OU TO THAT JUNKYARD.
[ Man .]
COLT, WE'LL FIRE THE PLACE WHEN THEY SAY, "ROLL 'EM.
" IT'LL TAKE ABOUT 15 SECONDS TO GET THE FIRE GOING REAL GOOD.
FINE, FINE.
I WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT I HAVE A THEORY ABOU WHAT'S GOING ON AROUND HERE.
OKAY, YOU GUYS BETTER HIT IT.
YOU TOO, LADY.
HIT IT WHERE? BEHIND THE FIRE LINES.
WHAT FIRE LINES? THE FIRE LINES WE SET UP TO KEEP ANYBODY FROM GETTING HURT WHEN I SET FIRE TO HOWIE AND WE BLOW THIS HOUSE SKY-HIGH.
[ Chuckling .]
YOU'RE GONNA-- YOU'RE GONNA SET FIRE TO HOWIE AND BLOW THIS HOUSE SKY-- [ Man On P.
A.
.]
OKAY, FOLKS, 30 SECONDS AND COUNTING DOWN.
TWENTY-NINE.
TWENTY-EIGHT.
YOU GOING? YOU'RE INSANE.
TWENTY-TWO.
TWENTY-ONE.
FIFTEEN SECONDS TO GO.
OKAY, TURN AROUND.
- ROLL CAMERAS.
- OKAY, LIGHT IT UP.
OKAY, COLT, THE CAMERAS ARE ROLLING.
COME OUT THE BACK.
ACTION! [ Man On P.
A.
.]
COLT SHOULD BE OU THE BACK DOOR BY NOW.
I'M BLOWIN' IT! CUT.
ALL RIGHT.
PUT HIM OUT.
LET'S GO.
HOW'D I DO, COLT? WHERE'S COLT? HE DIDN'T COME OUT! MEDIC! GET SOME OXYGEN OVER HERE! MEDIC! [ Man On P.
A.
.]
GET A MEDIC! GET SOME OXYGEN OVER THERE! YOU ALL RIGHT? JUST RELAX.
[ Woman On P.
A.
.]
DR.
FREDERICKS, TWO EAST.
5-6-7-7-2.
OH, COLT! OH, THANK GOD.
WE'VE ALL BEEN SO WORRIED.
WELL, I WAS A LITTLE WORRIED MYSELF THERE FOR A WHILE.
WHY IS THIS HAPPENING? I MEAN, YOU PEOPLE KNOW YOUR JOBS.
I JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND ALL THESE ACCIDENTS.
I DON'T THINK THEY ARE ACCIDENTS.
A STATEMENT LIKE THA NEEDS A LITTLE EXPLAINING.
WELL, I HAVE A THEORY.
WHAT IF SOMEBODY HAD A GRUDGE AGAINST STUNTMEN? - SAY THEY WERE JEALOUS OR SOMETHING.
- JEALOUS OVER WHAT? WELL, YOU KNOW HOW MOVIE PEOPLE ARE.
EVERYBODY KNOWS ABOUT LOCATION ROMANCES.
WELL, THE ONLY PERSON STEVE SLEEPS WITH IS ME.
AND I HAVEN'T HAD TIME TO GET FRIENDLY, LET ALONE GET IN TROUBLE.
ALL RIGHT.
IT WAS A THEORY.
I THINK IT'S GONNA TAKE MORE THAN A THEORY TO STOP THESE ACCIDENTS.
NO, THESE ACCIDENTS ARE GOING TO STOP, YOU CAN COUNT ON THAT.
WELL, JUST HOW CAN WE COUNT ON THAT? BECAUSE I'M READY TO SHUT THIS PRODUCTION DOWN, PENDING MY INVESTIGATION.
- YOU CAN'T DO THAT.
- OH, YES, I CAN.
ALL THESE PEOPLE'LL DRIFT APART.
WE'LL NEVER FIND OU WHAT HAPPENED.
AT LEAS THE ACCIDENTS WILL STOP.
- I THOUGHT YOU SAID THEY WEREN'T ACCIDENTS.
- OH! GOOD.
FINALLY, YOU'RE STARTING TO THINK THAT MY THEORIES HAVE SOME MERIT.
THANK YOU.
- I WOULDN'T GO THAT FAR.
- YOU CAN GO AS FAR AS LOS ANGELES FOR ALL I CARE.
YOU'RE OUT OF WORK.
YEAH, WELL, WAIT.
YOU GOT IT.
I AM SHUTTING THIS CATASTROPHE DOWN NOW.
LOOK, LOOK.
OKAY, I'M SORRY.
I ADMIT IT, I WAS WRONG.
I, UH-- WE, UH-- ALL OF US SHOULD BE LISTENING TO A LADY OF YOUR VAST EXPERIENCE.
YOU'RE SO FULL OF BULL.
OH, NO, NO, KAY.
HE MEANS IT.
IN FACT, HE WAS TELLING ME JUST BEFORE YOU GOT HERE THA YOU'RE OUR ONLY HOPE OF FINDING OUT WHO'S BEHIND THIS SADISTIC NIGHTMARE THAT COULD COST YOUR COMPANY A FORTUNE.
AND NOT JUST ON THIS PICTURE, BUT ON MANY MORE TO COME UNLESS WE GIVE YOU THE TIME TO FIND OU WHO'S AT THE BOTTOM OF IT.
- MY EXACT WORDS.
- OKAY.
NOW THAT YOU PUT IT THAT WAY, I SEE YOUR POINT.
BUT ONE MORE ACCIDENT, EVEN A LITTLE ONE, I'M PULLING THE PLUG.
GOOD WORK.
[ Colt .]
HEY, DOC.
YOU GOT A MINUTE? SURE.
YOU GO STEVE'S HARNESS, HUH? YEAH, I WAS CHECKING IT OUT.
I-I CAN'T FIND ANYTHING WRONG WITH IT.
WHAT DO YOU THINK? THEN YOU'RE GONNA GO THROUGH WITH IT? I GAVE MY WORD.
WELL, I CAN'T FIND ANYTHING WRONG WITH IT.
[ Sighs .]
WHAT DO YOU THINK HAPPENED TO HIM? I'VE ASKED MYSELF THA 100 TIMES.
ONLY ONE MAN KNOWS FOR SURE.
WELL, IT'S FOR SURE HE CAN'T TELL US.
AFTER THE ACCIDENT, WHO TOOK THIS HARNESS OFF STEVE? - PARAMEDICS, I GUESS.
- THEY GAVE IT TO HIS WIFE AT THE HOSPITAL? YEAH, I GUESS SO.
YOU KNOW, I WAS JUST WONDERIN', DOC.
THIS LADY DETECTIVE'S GOT THIS DUMB THEORY THAT SOMEBODY JUST MIGH BE JEALOUS OF STUNTMEN.
I MEAN, THOSE ACCIDENTS, WELL, THEY'RE NOT EXACTLY ACCIDENTS.
YOU KNOW SOMETHING? I'D SAY THAT SHE'S GO ONE HELL OF AN IMAGINATION.
YEAH, WELL, I THOUGHT SO TOO.
UH, YOU KNOW, IT'S A FUNNY THING.
WHEN I WENT TO THE WRECKING YARD TO GET THAT GIRL'S TELEPHONE NUMBER, THAT FELLOW THOMAS ALREADY HAD THAT TRUCK IN THE CRUSHER.
UH-OH.
OH, SAY.
HOW'D EVERYTHING GO WITH THOSE, UH, TWO GIRLS? OH, UH, WELL, WHAT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A DOUBLEHEADER TURNED INTO A ROUND-ROBIN.
SEE YA ON THE SET.
YEAH, MOBILE OPERATOR.
I NEED 555-6503, PLEASE.
THANK YOU.
HELLO.
- HOWIE.
UH, GOOD.
- HI, COLT.
WHAT'S UP? FIRST OF ALL, I WANT YOU TO FIND GLORIA.
ASK HER WHO RETURNED STEVE'S HARNESS TO HER AFTER THE ACCIDENT.
OKAY.
SECOND OF ALL, I WANT SOMEONE TO MEET ME.
NOW? CAN'T IT WAIT TILL LUNCH BREAK? WE'RE ABOUT TO DO THE STUNT.
I'M AFRAID NOT.
IS KAY STILL HANGING AROUND ON THE SET? YEAH, I SAW HER LOOKING THROUGH THE CAMERA.
NEXT, SHE'LL BE WANTIN' TO DIRECT.
- TELL HER TO MEET ME AT THE MOTEL IN 10 MINUTES.
- SHE'S GONNA WANNA KNOW WHY.
JUST TELL HER I WAN TO GET INTO HER THEORIES.
SHE'LL BE THERE BEFORE YOU ARE.
BYE.
YOU REALLY HAVE YOUR NERVE.
FIRST, YOU DESTROY MY CAR.
THEN YOU TRY AND BLOW ME UP.
AND THEN YOU STAR SENDING OBSCENE INVITATIONS THROUGH INTERMEDIARIES.
WHAT'S SO OBSCENE ABOUT ME WANTING TO RUN BAREFOOT THROUGH YOUR BRAIN? - YOU HAVE SUCH A WAY WITH WORDS, SEAVERS.
- WELL, WHAT'S YOUR NEW THEORY? - I MEAN, WE MAY NOT HAVE MUCH TIME.
- LOOK.
ILLEGAL ALIENS.
- ALIENS? - THAT'S RIGHT.
WE'RE NEAR THE BORDER, AND THESE FILM CREWS USE LOTS OF BIG TRUCKS.
IT COULD BE TRUCKS, ALL RIGHT.
BUT THE ONE I'M INTERESTED IN IS TOO SMALL TO BE HAULING PEOPLE.
- DRUGS.
- DRUGS? OF COURSE.
I SHOULD HAVE REMEMBERED HOW YOU HOLLYWOOD PEOPLE ARE.
-WELL, JUST HOW THE HELL ARE WE? -ABOUT DRUGS! - LADY, I'M GONNA DECK YOU.
- WOULDN'T YOU JUST LOVE THAT? - I'VE GOT IT.
- SOMETIMES I THINK YOU HAVE THE I.
Q.
OF A HANDBALL.
WHAT'S THAT? THAT'S WHAT I WANT YOU TO FIND OUT.
WHERE'D YOU GET THIS? SCRAPED IT OFF THE GROUND AFTER THE CAR GAG.
- SO, IT'S PAINT.
- WELL, WE'LL LET THE POLICE LAB TELL US THAT, HUH? THEY'LL BE WAITIN' FOR YOU.
THIS IS NUTS! IF IT IS, WHY HAVE THE TWO GUYS IN THE YELLOW STATION WAGON BEEN FOLLOWING ME? - OR WERE THEY AFTER YOUR BODY TOO? - [ Forced Chuckle .]
TOO? ARE YOU SURE THEY'RE FOLLOWING YOU? GIVE ME A BREAK, LADY.
I'VE BEEN TAILED IN MY LIFE.
OKAY.
OKAY, COLT.
ALL IS FORGIVEN.
YOU MUST BE ONTO SOMETHING.
TELL ME WHERE TO REACH YOU WHEN I FIND OUT THE RESULTS.
PROBABLY ON THE SET.
I'LL GIVE YOU THE NUMBER.
OKAY.
JUST DO ONE THING, AND BE CAREFUL.
BE CAREFUL.
ME, BE CAREFUL.
YOU'RE BEING TAILED.
YEAH, BUT NOT FOR LONG.
BYE.
WELL, WHAT DO YOU THINK? I DON'T KNOW.
I THINK WE OUGHTA FIND OU WHAT HE GAVE THE GIRL.
[ Gasps .]
I DON'T HAVE ANY MONEY.
I LOST MY WALLE IN A MARKET A COUPLE OF DAYS AGO, AND, UH-- WE'RE NOT INTERESTED IN YOUR MONEY.
WE JUST WANT YOUR COMPANY.
THERE WASN'T ANY MONEY IN IT ANYWAY.
ALL RIGHT, YOU GUYS.
NOW LET'S SLIDE OUT OF THERE NICE AND EASY.
THIS SIDE.
COME ON.
TAKE IT EASY! WE'RE COPS.
YEAH, AND I'M MAGIC JOHNSON.
COME ON.
HE'S TELLING THE TRUTH.
WE WANT YOUR HELP.
WE'RE FROM THE PHOENIX P.
D.
OH, THEN YOU KNOW THE ROUTINE.
SPREAD 'EM.
LET'S GO.
SON OF A GUN.
YOU ARE A COP.
I TOLD YA.
WHAT'S TWO COPS FROM PHOENIX FOLLOWING ME AROUND SAN TOMAS? IF WE COULD STAND UP, I'LL BE HAPPY TO TELL YOU.
YEAH, SURE.
WE'RE HERE BECAUSE WE HAVE REASON TO BELIEVE THAT, UH, THESE TWO MEN ARE IN THE AREA.
- YEAH, SO? - THEY PULLED A SIX MILLION DOLLAR GOLD HEIST IN PHOENIX.
- I DIDN'T READ ANYTHING LIKE THAT IN THE PAPERS.
- IT WASN'T IN THE PAPERS.
IT WAS A GOVERNMEN BULLION TRANSFER, AND IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE TOP SECRET.
WE HAVE POSITIVE I.
D.
's ON THOSE TWO.
WE ALSO BELIEVE PETE THOMAS IS FENCING THE GOLD FOR THEM.
HE'S DONE THIS KIND OF THING BEFORE.
WE'VE BEEN WATCHING HIM.
BUT THE ONLY BUSINESS HE'S BEEN DOING THESE DAYS IS THE CARS HE'S SOLD TO THE-- TO THIS MOVIE.
WAIT A MINUTE.
YOU THINK THOMAS IS SOMEHOW USING THIS MOVIE COMPANY TO FENCE THE GOLD? WE WERE HOPING YOU COULD SORT OF BE OUR MAN ON THE INSIDE.
WHAT IF I TOLD YOU HE WASN' FENCING THE GOLD, HE'S TAKING IT OUT OF THE COUNTRY? - I'D SAY, "HOW?" - IN THE CARS THA WE'RE USING FOR THE STUNTS.
- BUT YOU'RE WRECKING 'EM.
- YEAH, BUT HE'S SELLING 'EM IN MEXICO FOR SCRAP.
- ARE YOU SURE? - I SOON WILL BE.
YES, MOBILE OPERATOR, COULD YOU CONNECT ME WITH THE SAN TOMAS POLICE DEPARTMENT, PLEASE.
YES, CRIME LAB, PLEASE.
HELLO, UH, THIS IS COLT SEAVERS.
COULD I SPEAK TO THE YOUNG LADY THAT I SENT OVER TO HAVE A SAMPLE ANALYZED? WHAT DO YOU MEAN SHE'S NOT THERE? SHE SHOULD'VE BEEN THERE BY NOW.
ALL RIGHT, THANK YOU.
HEY, WAIT! WHERE ARE YOU GOING? - TO THE WRECKING YARD.
- COME ON.
STOP! STOP! WAIT A MINUTE! YOU CAN'T-- PLEASE DON'T DO THIS TO ME! [ Whimpering .]
WAIT A MINUTE! YOU CAN'T DO THIS! YOU CAN'T-- OW! OH, MY-- OH, MY GOD! [ Gasps .]
SEAVERS! [ Whimpering .]
[ Panting .]
HEY! OW! OH! WHAT TOOK YOU SO LONG? WELL, I'M GETTING OLDER, YOU KNOW.
OH.
OOH! OH, MY HEAVENS.
WHO'S THAT? THAT'S THE CAVALRY.
HEY, THAT'S REED.
GREAT WORK, SEAVERS.
YEAH, WELL, THE OTHER ONE'S OVER THERE.
GET HIM.
- HEY, WAIT A MINUTE.
WHERE ARE YOU GOIN'? - I GOT A STUNT TO DO.
HEY, WAIT! SEAVERS! WAIT FOR ME! [ Man On P.
A.
.]
ALL RIGHT, CHOPPER'S HERE.
EVERYBODY'S READY.
LET'S GET THE CAMERA TRUCK IN POSITION.
READY TO GO IN THREE MINUTES.
YOU OKAY, COLT? YEAH, NOTHIN' TO IT.
DID YOU TALK TO GLORIA? YEAH.
SHE DIDN'T GE THE HARNESS BACK AT THE HOSPITAL.
DOC BROWNER GAVE IT TO HER THE NEXT DAY.
- THAT'S WHAT I WAS AFRAID OF.
- DOC WAS IN ON IT.
YEAH.
HE ALMOST GO STEVE KILLED.
- WHERE IS DOC? - WELL, HE SHOULD BE HERE.
- WELL, DON'T COUNT ON IT.
- COLT, YOU READY TO DO THIS? YOU BET.
LOOK, YOU FIND DOC.
I'LL TAKE CARE OF HIM AFTER THE STUNT.
- [ Man On P.
A.
.]
POSITIONS, PLEASE.
- LISTEN.
BE CAREFUL, OKAY? LET'S GO.
HOWIE, FIND DOC AND KEEP AN EYE ON HIM.
[ Man On P.
A.
.]
CHOPPER'S READY! CAR'S READY! ALL CAMERAS READY! POSITIONS, PLEASE! POSITIONS! READY TO ROLL! ROLL 'EM! ALL RIGHT.
HOLD HER STEADY.
THAT'S DOC BROWNER IN THAT CAR.
FOLLOW HIM! OKAY! HANG ON! HERE WE GO! LOWER! A LITTLE MORE TO THE RIGHT.
[ Woman On P.
A.
.]
DR.
SAUNDERS, ONE SOUTH.
5-2-1-5-5.
WELL, I JUST CAME FROM THE EMERGENCY ROOM.
DOC'S GONNA BE OKAY.
THAT'S A RELIEF.
WHEN THEY SMUGGLED THE GOLD OUT OF THE COUNTRY, HOW COME IT DIDN' GET MIXED UP WITH ALL THE OTHER METALS? WELL, THAT'S SIMPLE.
I TOOK A YEAR OF METALLURGY A COLORADO SCHOOL OF THE MINES.
YEAH, I THOUGHT YOU HAD.
YOU SEE, WHEN THE SCRAP METAL GETS TO MEXICO, THEY MELT DOWN THE WHOLE THING.
GOLD HAS A VERY LOW MELTING POINT, BUT IT'S ALSO VERY HEAVY.
SO AS THE TEMPERATURE RISES, THE GOLD FLOWS OFF FIRST.
I NEVER REALIZED IT BEFORE, HOWIE, BUT YOU ARE A VERY INTELLIGENT MAN.
DON'T ENCOURAGE HIM.
OH, I'M SORRY.
HEY, STEVE.
LOOKIN' GOOD.
I GUESS YOU KNOW EVERYTHING THAT HAPPENED, HUH? YEAH.
LITTLE HARD TO BELIEVE DOC WOULD DO SOMETHING LIKE THAT, EVEN IF HE DID FIND OU I WAS ONTO HIS SCAM.
YEAH.
SURPRISED ME TOO.
I COULDN'T BELIEVE I TILL THE VERY END.
WELL, THANKS FOR EVERYTHING YOU DID.
I WON'T FORGET IT.
HEY, WHEN YOU GET OUTTA HERE, WE GOTTA GO JUMP OFF A BUILDING TOGETHER.
YOU GOT A DEAL, PARD.
HOME, JAMES.
THANKS, COLT.
GOOD-BYE, GLORIA.
[ Woman On P.
A.
.]
DR.
ASHLEY, EIGHT EAST.
5-9-7-1-7.
THERE REALLY IS A STRONG BOND BETWEEN STUNTMEN, ISN'T THERE? WELL, THERE'S A STRONG BOND BETWEEN ME AND ANYBODY I CARE ABOUT.
COLT, I'D LIKE TO HAVE A WORD WITH YOU ALONE.
SURE.
HEY, UH, NICE JACKET, KID.
- YEAH! - [ Chuckles .]
I WOULD LIKE TO APOLOGIZE FOR SOME OF THE STUPID THINGS THAT I HAVE SAID IN THE PAST.
- I GUESS I LIKE TO PRETEND THAT I KNOW EVERYTHING.
- THAT'S RIGHT.
YOU DO.
WAIT A MINUTE.
DON'T GET SMART ON ME WHEN I AM TRYING TO BE HUMBLE.
- ALL RIGHT, EXCUSE ME.
- YOU KNOW, SEAVERS, THAT'S WHAT MAKES ME SO MAD.
YOU SEE, THAT'S YOUR PROBLEM.
YOU NEVER EVEN GIVE A GIRL AN INCH.
I DON'T LIKE TO DO MY FIGHTING IN HOSPITALS.
CAN'T WE DO THIS OVER, UH, TACOS AND A COLD BEER? I THOUGHT YOU'D NEVER ASK.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN, THOUGHT I'D NEVER ASK? YOU'RE SO LIBERATED, WHY DIDN'T ASK ME? WHAT, STEP ON THA FRAGILE MALE EGO OF YOURS? WHAT DO YOU MEAN, MALE EGO? YOU HEARD ME.
THIS MALE EGO.
IT'S SO FRAGILE.
I DON'T HAVE A MALE EGO.
COME ON.
BUT THE HARDEST THING I EVER DO IS WATCH MY LEADING LADIES KISS SOME OTHER GUY WHILE I'M BANDAGIN' MY KNEE I MIGHT FALL FROM A TALL BUILDIN' I MIGHT ROLL A BRAND-NEW CAR 'CAUSE I'M THE UNKNOWN STUNTMAN THAT MADE REDFORD SUCH A STAR [ Women Vocalizing .]
I'VE NEVER SPEN MUCH TIME IN SCHOOL BUT I'VE TAUGH LADIES PLENTY IT'S TRUE I HIRE MY BODY OUT FOR PAY HEY, HEY I'VE GOTTEN BURNED OVER CHERYL TIEGS BLOWN UP FOR RAQUEL WELCH BUT WHEN I WIND UP IN THE HAY, IT'S ONLY HAY HEY, HEY I MIGHT JUMP AN OPEN DRAWBRIDGE OR TARZAN FROM A VINE 'CAUSE I'M THE UNKNOWN STUNTMAN THAT MAKES EASTWOOD LOOK SO FINE [ Colt Narrating .]
THIS IS THE STORY OF ONE OF AMERICA'S GREAT UNSUNG HEROES.
I MEAN, YOU'VE SEEN HIM, BUT YOU NEVER KNEW WHO HE WAS.
YOU'VE CHEERED FOR HIM AND CRIED FOR HIM, WOMEN HAVE WANTED TO DIE FOR HIM.
BUT DID HE EVER GET ANY CREDIT? OR THE GIRL? NO.
HE WAS WHAT WE CALL A STUNTMAN.
AND THE REASON I'M TALKIN' SO FONDLY ABOUT HIM IS-- WELL, BECAUSE IT'S ME, COLT SEAVERS.
ANYWAY, PICTURE WORK ISN'T WALL-TO-WALL EMPLOYMENT.
SO MAYBE YOU WONDER HOW A GUY KEEPS HIS HEAD TOGETHER.
WELL, ONE WAY IS TO WAIT BY THE PHONE AND WAIT AND WAIT.
THE OTHER IS TO TAKE AN OCCASIONAL JOB FOR THE COURT SYSTEM OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA, WHERE A MAN IS CONSIDERED INNOCEN UNTIL PROVEN GUILTY.
UNFORTUNATELY, SOMETIMES A LO OF THESE PEOPLE GET OUT OF JAIL ON WHAT WE CALL BAIL.
AND THEY RUN LIKE HELL.
THAT'S WHERE I COME IN.
I SOMETIMES PICK UP RENT MONEY TRYIN' TO FIND THEM AND BRING THEM BACK TO JUSTICE.
BUT SOMETIMES I HAVE TO WORK REAL HARD TO EARN MY KEEP.
[ Car Door Closes .]
YOU BATES? YOU SEAVERS? HE'S IN THE YELLOW HOUSE.
[ Colt .]
YOU SURE HE HASN'T GONE OUT? WHY WOULD HE GO OUT? WOMEN AND FOOD KEEP GOING IN.
HE HAS ALL HIS FOOD DELIVERED? CHINESE FOOD, FRIED CHICKEN, PIZZA.
PIZZA? PERFECT.
BY THE WAY, THANKS FOR KEEPING AN EYE ON HIM TILL I COULD GET HERE.
NO PROBLEM.
THE SANTA BARBARA POLICE DEPARTMENT'S ALWAYS HAPPY TO COOPERATE.
YOU ALWAYS CARRY A PIZZA IN THE BACK OF YOUR TRUCK? NEVER KNOW WHAT YOU'RE GONNA NEED ON THIS JOB.
YOU'RE JUST GONNA GO RIGHT ON UP AND SLAP THE CUFFS ON HIM? OH, ARRESTING 'EM IS THE EASY PART.
FINDING 'EM IS THE HARD PART.
- YOU MIND IF I WATCH? - SUIT YOURSELF.
[ Rock On Stereo .]
[ Laughter .]
[ Doorbell Ringing .]
[ Man .]
WHO IS IT? PIZZA DELIVERY.
JUST A SECOND.
I DIDN'T ORDER ANY PIZZA.
I TOLD 'EM YOU DIDN'T LIKE ANCHOVIES.
[ Woman .]
OH, MY-- HEY! [ Women Chattering, Shouting .]
[ Chattering Continues .]
EXCUSE ME.
PARDON ME.
WHAT KIND OF A PIZZA IS THAT? ONE FOR SOMEBODY WITH A CAST-IRON STOMACH.
WHOA! CURLY, THIS IS HURTIN' ME MORE THAN YOU.
[ Grunting, Growling .]
THAT WAS A NICE PIECE OF WORK.
[ Coughing .]
LIKE I SAID, THE ARREST WAS THE EASY PART.
HEY, THAT'S MY TRUCK! YOU'RE HURTIN' MY TRUCK! [ Engine Starts .]
HEY, WHERE YOU GOING? HEY! HEY! HEY! HEY! HEY! HEY! WAIT! [ Grunting .]
YOU GOT A CHOICE, CURLY.
YOU CAN RUN ALONGSIDE ALL THE WAY TO L.
A.
, OR YOU CAN RIDE IN THE BACK.
HURT MY TRUCK! [ Man On P.
A.
.]
ALL RIGHT, LET'S GE THE STUNT TEAM READY.
NOW, YOU ALWAYS WALK THE ROAD BEFORE DOIN' A STUNT BECAUSE IT'S IMPORTAN THAT THE DRIVER KNOW EVERY INCH OF THAT ROAD, ESPECIALLY WHEN DOIN' A GAG LIKE THIS.
HE SOUNDS JUST LIKE COLT.
HE SHOULD.
WHO DO YOU THINK TAUGHT COLT? LET'S DO IT.
YEAH, WE'LL BE RIGHT THERE.
ALL RIGHT, JUST ONE THING TO REMEMBER, JODY: WATCH YOUR SPEED.
RIGHT.
SIXTY-FIVE RIGHT ON THE NOSE.
AND SUCH A CUTE NOSE AT THAT.
HOLD ON, GANG.
WE'LL RIDE BACK WITH YA.
OKAY.
OKAY! [ Man On P.
A.
.]
ALL RIGHT, GET THE CAMERA CAR IN POSITION, STEVE.
THANK YOU.
[ Man #2 .]
ALL RIGHT.
THREE CAMERAS.
WELL, WHAT DO YOU THINK, DOC? WILL IT FLY? WELL, IF THE LADY CAN DRIVE, IT'LL WORK.
THEN I DON'T HAVE A THING TO WORRY ABOUT.
LUCK? LUCK.
WELL, ONE TAKE, AND IT'S HAPPY HOUR.
[ Man On P.
A.
.]
BOTH CAMERAS ARE READY.
OKAY, THERE YOU GO.
EXCUSE ME, DOC.
OKAY, BOYS, HERE WE GO.
READY? JUST SAY WHEN.
WELL, THEN LET'S GO FOR IT.
[ Man On P.
A.
.]
ALL RIGHT, CHOPPER.
ACTION! HOLD IT STEADY, JODY.
WHOO! THE HOOK'S JAMMED! I CAN'T MAKE THE HOOKUP! TAKE ME DOWN! HOLD ON! I'LL SET IT RIGHT DOWN! I CAN'T MAKE THE HOOKUP! THERE'S SOMETHING WRONG WITH THE CLASP! CAN'T HOLD ON ANY LONGER! [ Screams .]
STEVE! [ Gasps .]
STEVE! THAT'LL HANDLE THAT.
[ Whistling .]
JACK, I GOT HIM.
OH, COLT.
I'M SO GLAD I FOUND YOU.
WHAT'S THAT MATTER? DIDN'T THINK I COULD HANDLE HIM? NO, IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THAT.
COLT, I JUST GO A CALL FROM HOWIE.
YEAH? WHAT'S THE MATTER? SOMETHING HAPPENED OUT ON LOCATION.
- DID SOMETHING HAPPEN TO JODY? - NOT JODY.
IT'S STEVE KRUGER.
- WHAT HAPPENED? - HE FELL.
- FELL? - BUT DON'T WORRY.
HE'S STILL ALIVE.
[ Woman On P.
A.
.]
DR.
MOSS, I.
C.
U.
5-6-7-4-4.
HE'S CRITICAL, BUT STABLE.
IT'S A GOOD THING HE HIT THE WATER.
I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
GLORIA.
COLT.
WHAT IF HE DOESN'T MAKE IT? HEY! HE'S GONNA MAKE IT.
NO STUNT'S EVER GONNA GET STEVE.
OH, BUT THIS WAS AWFULLY CLOSE.
CLOSE IS WHAT STUNTS ARE ALL ABOUT.
BOY, YOU TWO ARE REALLY SOMETHING.
HEY.
CAN I SEE HIM? HE'S STILL IN A COMA.
HI, SWEETHEART.
UNCLE COLT, IS MY DADDY GOING TO DIE? ARE YOU KIDDING? DOES BURT REYNOLDS EVER DIE IN ANY OF HIS MOVIES? NO.
WELL, NEITHER DOES HIS STUNTMAN.
YOU HANG IN THERE.
WHAT HAPPENED? HE COULDN'T MAKE THE HOOKUP TO THE SAFETY CABLE.
WHY? HE'S DONE THAT STUNT 10 TIMES.
WE BOTH HAVE.
- WAS CHUCK FLYING THE CHOPPER? - YEAH.
DOC BROWNER RIGGED THE CAR.
- WHO'S SPECIAL EFFECTS? - AL DEMATO.
BUT STEVE RIGGED HIS OWN HARNESS JUST LIKE YOU DO.
YOU TWO LOOK AFTER GLORIA AND WENDY.
I'M GONNA TRY AND FIND DOC BROWNER.
TRY THE MOTEL WHERE THE CREW'S STAYING.
I THINK YOU'LL FIND HIM DRINKING IN THE BAR.
- DOC? HE'S NOT A DRINKER.
- HE IS TONIGHT.
[ Country On Jukebox .]
HEY, I WANT A DRINK.
MISS, ANOTHER ONE OVER HERE.
IT DOESN'T LOOK TO ME LIKE YOU NEED ANOTHER ONE, DOC.
COLT.
COLT SEAVERS! OH! HEY, DOC, UH, I THINK YOU'D BETTER SIT BACK DOWN, HUH? COME ON.
SIT DOWN.
I-I GUESS MAYBE I BETTER.
HEARD A LO ABOUT YOU, SEAVERS.
OH, COLT, THIS IS PETE THOMAS.
HE'S FURNISHING THE STUNT CARS ON THIS PICTURE.
AND, UH, TAKIN' CARE OF THE WRECKS WHEN YOU GUYS ARE THROUGH WITH 'EM.
- IT'S A REAL PLEASURE TO MEET YOU.
- UH, PLEASED TO MEET YOU TOO.
LOOK, PETE, I HOPE YOU DON'T TAKE THIS WRONG.
THE BEST FRIEND I HAVE IN THE WORLD ALMOST GOT KILLED TODAY.
I'D LIKE TO HAVE A LONG, PRIVATE TALK WITH DOC ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED.
YEAH, SURE.
LOOK, IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME, I'D LIKE TO GET DOC BACK TO HIS ROOM.
PLEASURE MEETING YOU.
OKAY, YEAH.
WE'LL SEE YOU AGAIN.
SEE YOU, DOC.
YEAH.
COME ON.
SEE YOU.
THANKS AGAIN.
DOC, WHAT ARE YOU DOIN' TO YOURSELF? YOU DON'T DRINK.
OH, COLT, YOU SHOULD'VE BEEN THERE.
YOU SHOULD'VE SEEN IT.
TOMORROW, I WANNA GO OVER EVERYTHING THAT STEVE DID BEFORE THE STUNT, OKAY? WE DID WHAT WE ALWAYS DID.
I TOOK CARE OF THE CAR, AND STEVE RIGGED THE HARNESS.
ALL RIGHT, WHO RIGGED THE SAFETY CABLE ON THE CHOPPER? THE EFFECTS MAN, AL DEMATO, DID.
WHERE CAN I FIND HIM? HOW SHOULD I KNOW? SLEEP.
WHERE'S YOUR ROOM? [ Camera Shutter Clicking .]
RIGHT UP HERE, 105.
WE GOT A CAR GAG TO DO THE FIRST THING IN THE MORNING.
STEVE'S SUPPOSED TO DRIVE.
YEAH, WELL, UH, ALL RIGHT.
DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT.
I'LL DO IT.
ANY IDEA WHO HE IS? [ Man #2 .]
WE SHOULD KNOW BY NOON.
[ Phone Ringing .]
YEAH? [ Man .]
HE'S STILL ALIVE.
WHAT? HOW COULD HE BE? HE'S IN A COMA.
HE FELL INTO A CATTLE POND.
[ Chuckles .]
WELL, THAT'S OKAY.
I WOULDN'T WORRY ABOUT IT.
BY THE TIME HE RECOVERS, WE'RE GONNA BE LONG GONE.
I'M AFRAID WE GO ANOTHER PROBLEM.
GOOD.
WHAT NOW? ANOTHER STUNTMAN.
A FRIEND OF KRUGER'S.
COLT SEAVERS.
THINK HE COULD BE TROUBLE? NO MORE THAN THE OTHER ONE.
[ Howie .]
COLT, WE'RE GETTING CLOSE.
[ Colt .]
YEAH, KID.
COLT, I WANNA THANK YOU FOR TAKING OVER FOR STEVE.
HEY, LOOK, HE WOULD'VE DONE IT FOR ME.
BESIDES, I WANNA KNOW WHAT HAPPENED.
WELL, I'M AS UPSE ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED TO STEVE AS ANYBODY, BUT I'VE STILL GO A PICTURE TO MAKE.
HEY, I'M WITH YOU ALL THE WAY.
IN FACT, MAYBE WE CAN MAKE THIS PICTURE A SORT OF TRIBUTE TO STEVE.
WELL, YOU BE CAREFUL.
I DON'T WANT THIS PICTURE TO END UP A MEMORIAL TO COLT SEAVERS.
HEY, DON'T WORRY.
WELL, WE GOT ABOU FIVE MINUTES.
NOW, THIS IS GONNA BE A NICE, EASY LITTLE JUMP OVER A FLATBED.
I KNOW.
JUST PUNCH IT AND HANG ON AND LET THE RAMP DO THE WORK.
YOU GOT IT.
WELL, YOU ABOUT READY? YOU WAITING ON ME, YOU'RE BACKING UP.
COLT, WHEN ARE YOU GONNA LET ME TRY ONE OF THESE? WELL, WHY NOT RIGHT NOW? - YOU MEAN I GET TO DRIVE? - NO.
BUT THERE'S SUPPOSED TO BE TWO PEOPLE IN THE TRUCK.
GET YOUR HELMET.
WELL, THAT BEATS WATCHING.
[ Man On P.
A.
.]
CREW'S ALMOST READY.
[ Engine Revving .]
SOUNDS GOOD, DOC.
YEAH, IT'S FINE.
OH, SAY, COLT.
ABOUT LAST NIGHT-- FORGET IT.
IT HAPPENS.
THANKS.
YOU'RE A GOOD FRIEND.
STUNT SEQUENCE COMING UP.
HOLD ALL TRAFFIC ON THE ROADS, PLEASE.
ROLL CAMERAS.
BACKGROUND ACTION.
ACTION! ALL RIGHT, KID.
TAKE A TIGHT HOLD AND A DEEP SEAT.
THAT RAMP COMES UP PRETTY QUICK.
[ Man On P.
A.
.]
COME AHEAD, BUDDY.
SPEED'S GOOD.
HERE COMES OUR DIESEL.
HEY, LADY, STOP! [ Tires Screeching .]
- [ Man .]
SHE'S RIGHT IN THEIR PATH! - [ Horn Honking .]
- [ Howie .]
LOOK OUT, COLT! - WHAT THE-- [ Man On P.
A.
.]
CUT! CUT! COLT, YOU ALL RIGHT? YEAH.
OKAY.
GET HER OFF MY SET! GET OUT ALL RIGHT? YEAH.
HUH? [ Man On P.
A.
.]
ALL RIGHT, FOLKS, BACK TO WORK.
LET'S GO.
- COLT SEAVERS.
- TELL ME THAT WASN'T HER.
THAT LADY INSURANCE INVESTIGATOR-- KAY FAULKNER.
WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU DOING, LADY? YOU COULD'VE GOT SOMEBODY KILLED! YEAH, LIKE US! DIDN'T YOU SEE THAT GUY HOLDING TRAFFIC UP BACK THERE? SO THAT'S WHAT HE WAS DOING? YES! NOW STOP IT WITH THA QUIRKY LITTLE CHARM OF YOURS.
NOW, YOU ALMOST TURNED THIS INTO A DISASTER FILM.
FROM WHAT I UNDERSTAND, IT ALREADY HAS BEEN, SEAVERS.
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? STEVE KRUGER'S ACCIDENT.
MY INSURANCE COMPANY SENT ME OUT HERE TO INVESTIGATE WHAT HAPPENED.
AND ONE WORD FROM ME, AND THIS POLICY'S CANCELED.
NO INSURANCE, NO MOVIE.
ARE YOU GONNA SHUT US DOWN? YOU'RE DAMN RIGH I AM, SEAVERS.
IF I FIND OU THAT SAFETY PROCEDURES HAVEN'T BEEN FOLLOWED, IF I FIND OUT THAT NEGLIGENCE CAUSED THIS ACCIDENT, IF I FIND OUT, AS I SUSPECT I WILL, THAT THIS MOVIE HAS BEEN ONE BIG LONG PARTY-- HEY, WHOA, WHOA! SLOW DOWN.
DON'T TELL ME TO "WHOA, WHOA.
" YOU'RE NOT ROY ROGERS AND I'M NOT TRIGGER.
YOU'RE GONNA BE OUT OF A JOB.
EVERYBODY KNOWS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN A MOVIE GOES ON LOCATION.
WHAT HAPPENS, COLT? YEAH, WHAT DOES HAPPEN? YOU KNOW-- THE CAROUSING AROUND ALL NIGHT, THE GETTING STONED, THE MUSICAL BEDS.
M-- MUSICAL-- HAVE YOU EVER BEEN ON A LOCATION LIKE THAT, COLT? SHUT UP.
HOW COULD ANYBODY WORK THE HOURS WE DO AND FOOL AROUND ALL NIGHT? NO ONE CAN.
THAT'S WHY YOU HAVE ACCIDENTS.
NOW, IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME, I HAVE WORK TO DO.
[ Man On P.
A.
.]
ALL RIGHT, NEW SETUP.
LET'S GET THE TRUCK ON ITS WHEELS.
THAT WOMAN NEEDS TO BE TURNED OVER A KNEE AND SPANKED.
PROBABLY JUST WHAT SHE WANTS.
WHAT? SHE'S A CLASSIC CASE OF A WOMAN WHO WANTS HER FATHER'S ATTENTION.
PSYCHOANALYTICALLY SPEAKING, YOU KNOW, SHE'S A FASCINATING CASE.
I STUDIED THIS IN SOME DETAIL AT THE FREUD INSTITUTE IN VIENNA.
HOWARD! UM-- WHAT IS IT, COLT? SKID MARKS FROM A ROLL BAR VERY SUDDENLY TURNED GOLD.
GOLD PAINT UNDER BLACK.
YEAH, I GUESS SO.
EXPENSIVE-LOOKING PRIMER.
WELL, LET'S GET JODY AND GET SOME LUNCH.
[ Man On P.
A.
.]
ALL RIGHT, CREW IN THE TRUCK, LET'S GO.
MUNSON WAS HERE WHEN THE ACCIDENT HAPPENED.
IT FIGURES THAT HE CALLED SEAVERS.
A STUNTMAN AND A BOUNTY HUNTER.
HE MUST HAVE POLICE CONTACTS.
WHAT ARE WE WAITING FOR? NO, NO, NOT YET.
WE'LL WAIT TILL HE'S ALONE.
WHAT ARE WE LOOKIN' FOR, COLT? I WISH THE HELL I KNEW.
HEY, DOC.
HEY, COLT.
HOWIE.
WHAT ARE YOU GUYS DOIN' HERE? I WAS LOOKIN' FOR THAT TRUCK I FLIPPED THIS MORNING.
WELL, YOU JUST MISSED IT.
WHERE'D IT GO? BIG WRECKING YARD UP IN THE SKY.
NO, PETE THOMAS TOOK IT.
YOU MET HIM LAST NIGH IN THE BAR.
OH, YEAH.
DOES HE BUY ALL THE CARS THAT GET JUNKED ON THIS PICTURE? NO, ACTUALLY, THEY'RE HIS TO BEGIN WITH.
HE'S GOT A USED CAR LO UP IN PHOENIX.
AFTER WE WRECK 'EM, HE SELLS 'EM FOR SCRAP IN MEXICO.
- WHERE'S HIS YARD? - OH, DOWN THE INTERSTATE.
CLOSE TO THE CITY LIMITS.
HOW COME YOU GUYS ARE SO INTERESTED IN THAT OLD WRECK? WELL, I ME THIS GIRL ON THE SET.
SHE GAVE ME HER TELEPHONE NUMBER.
IT WAS IN MY JACKET.
IT MUST'VE FELL OU WHEN WE WERE UPSIDE DOWN THIS MORNING.
WELL, WHAT ARE YOU WORRIED ABOUT? ANOTHER ONE'LL COME ALONG.
UH, ANOTHER ONE ALREADY DID.
I JUST NEED TO KNOW WHAT TIME TO TELL THE FIRST ONE TO SHOW UP.
TWO GIRLS, COLT? TWO? HOWIE, DIDN'T YOU KNOW? STUNTMEN NEVER SLEEP ALONE.
YEAH.
COME ON.
[ Horn Honks .]
AFTERNOON, COLT.
WHAT CAN I DO FOR YOU? HI, PETE.
FLIPPED A TRUCK THIS MORNIN'.
DOC SAYS YOU TOOK IT AWAY.
I THINK I MIGHT HAVE LEF SOMETHIN' IN IT.
[ Chuckles .]
WELL, YOU'RE JUS A LITTLE BIT TOO LATE.
- WHAT DO YOU MEAN, TOO LATE? - SORRY.
- CAN'T YOU STOP IT? - YEAH, CAN'T YOU STOP IT? IT'LL JUST TAKE A SECOND TO LOOK INSIDE.
LIKE I SAID, YOU'RE JUS A LITTLE BIT TOO LATE.
OH, NO.
ANYTHING ELSE I CAN DO FOR YOU? NO, NOT TODAY.
WELL, COME BACK AND SEE US ANYTIME.
OH, NO.
OH, NO, YOU DON'T, COLT SEAVERS! I WANNA TALK TO YOU! NOT NOW.
WE GOTTA GET BACK TO THE SET.
GREAT.
EVERY TIME I WANNA TALK TO YOU, YOU'RE ALWAYS BUSY.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING OUT HERE? HOW DID YOU FIND US? DOC TOLD ME.
GOOD DETECTIVE.
SEAVERS, I TOLD YOU THAT I MEANT BUSINESS WHEN I CAME DOWN HERE, AND YOU'RE NOT BEING THE LEAST BIT COOPERATIVE.
THAT'S NOT TRUE.
LOOK, I JUST DON'T HAVE TIME TO GO CHASING AFTER YOU.
BESIDES, YOU NEVER THOUGHT MUCH OF MY HUNCHES ANYWAY.
WHAT HUNCHES? WHY ARE YOU INTERESTED IN THAT CAR YOU FLIPPED? I DIDN'T FLIP A CAR.
YOU DID.
IT WAS A TRUCK.
AND I WOULDN'T PARK THERE.
I WILL PARK ANYPLACE I DARN WELL PLEASE.
I AM HERE ON OFFICIAL BUSINESS.
NOW STOP AVOIDING THE POINT, AND PLEASE TELL ME, WHY ARE YOU INTERESTED IN THAT TRUCK? - KAY, YOU REALLY OUGHTA MOVE YOUR CAR.
- DON'T DOUBLE-TEAM ME.
WOULD YOU PLEASE-- YES, DON'T DOUBLE-TEAM HER, KID.
SHE KNOWS WHAT SHE'S DOIN'.
SEAVERS, I WANT AN ANSWER! YOU HAVE NO BUSINESS BEING SENT TO INVESTIGATE A MOVIE ACCIDENT.
YOU KNOW NOTHING ABOU THE MOVIE BUSINESS.
YOU DON' EVEN KNOW WHERE TO BEGIN.
[ Kay .]
OKAY.
-OKAY, MR.
KNOW-IT-ALL.
I'M GONNA FIND OUT WHY YOU'RE HERE.
-[ Horn Honks .]
IF IT TURNS OUT THAT YOU'RE WITHHOLDING EVIDENCE, I'LL HAVE THAT DIRECTOR SEND YOU PACKING.
- YOU WOULDN'T.
- WITH PLEASURE.
YOU KNOW, I DO BELIEVE YOU HAVE A MEAN STREAK.
[ Chuckling .]
WHY IS IT THIS MAN-- OH, NO! OH-- OH, NO! WAIT! THAT WAS MY CAR! [ Stammering .]
I'M GONNA KILL HIM! THIS PLACE IS TURNING INTO A REGULAR CIRCUS AROUND HERE, I GOTTA TELL YA.
WAS THAT SEAVERS? YEP.
- AND HE'S GETTIN' TOO CLOSE.
- YEAH, YOU'RE RIGHT.
THIS GUY'S GOTTA GO.
HE'S IN A DANGEROUS LINE OF BUSINESS.
[ Man On P.
A.
.]
ALL RIGHT, CHECK THE CAMERAS.
TWO MINUTES TO GO.
COLT, ARE YOU SURE THIS IS THE WAY YOU STARTED? DON'T WORRY.
IT'S JUST LIKE WALKING OUT OF YOUR OWN FRONT DOOR.
YEAH, WHICH IS ON FIRE.
YOU'LL NEVER NOTICE THE FIRE.
THAT'S FOR SURE, BECAUSE MY EYES ARE GONNA BE CLOSED.
AW, COME ON, HOWIE.
YOU CAN DO IT.
JUST THINK.
YOU'LL BE A REAL STUNTMAN.
YOU CAN EVEN GE YOUR OWN FALL GUY JACKET.
YEAH, MY MIND IS CONVINCED.
IT'S MY LEGS THAT HAVE THE PROBLEM.
YOU GUYS ABOUT READY? I GUESS SO.
JUST RELAX, KID.
I'LL BE IN THERE WITH YOU.
WITH A FIRE EXTINGUISHER TO PUT ME OU IF THERE ARE ANY PROBLEMS? NO, WITH A LIGHTER TO MAKE SURE YOU STAY LIT.
THAT HOUSE IS AS DRY AS ONE OF THOSE COW SKULLS YOU FIND OUT IN THE PASTURE.
- YOU KNOW THAT? - DOES HE HAVE TO TALK ABOUT THINGS THAT ARE DEAD? [ Man .]
WHEN THAT THING GOES, IT'S GONNA GO BIG.
DON'T FORGET, COLT, YOU GOT 10 SECONDS TO GET OUT THE BACK DOOR AFTER THEY YELL "ACTION.
" SO BOTH OF YOU GET OUT OF THAT HOUSE AS FAST AS YOU CAN AND GET AS FAR AWAY AS YOU CAN.
DO YOU HEAR ME? YOU GOT IT.
ALL RIGHT, STUNTMAN, LET'S GO GET 'EM.
COME ON.
READY? YOU SURE YOU WANNA BE INSIDE? I USUALLY DO THAT.
I THINK HE'D FEEL BETTER IF HE KNEW I WAS IN THERE WITH HIM.
ALL RIGHT, WELL, GOOD LUCK.
COLT SEAVERS, YOU ARE IN BIG TROUBLE.
LOOK, NOT NOW.
WE'RE TRYING TO DO A STUNT.
YOU ARE NOT GOING TO GET AWAY FROM ME THIS TIME.
SUIT YOURSELF.
MY RENTED CAR WAS DESTROYED.
YEAH, WELL, I HOPE IT WAS INSURED.
OH, VERY FUNNY.
LISTEN, SEAVERS, I DON'T THINK YOU'RE TAKING THIS INVESTIGATION VERY SERIOUSLY, BUT I KNOW THAT YOU ARE JUS AS INTERESTED IN FINDING OU WHAT HAPPENED TO STEVE AS I AM.
AT LEAST IF YOU'VE GO A BRAIN IN YOUR HEAD, YOU SHOULD BE.
I DO, AND I AM.
YOU GOT A LIGHT? LISTEN, I WANNA KNOW WHAT TOOK YOU OU TO THAT JUNKYARD.
[ Man .]
COLT, WE'LL FIRE THE PLACE WHEN THEY SAY, "ROLL 'EM.
" IT'LL TAKE ABOUT 15 SECONDS TO GET THE FIRE GOING REAL GOOD.
FINE, FINE.
I WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT I HAVE A THEORY ABOU WHAT'S GOING ON AROUND HERE.
OKAY, YOU GUYS BETTER HIT IT.
YOU TOO, LADY.
HIT IT WHERE? BEHIND THE FIRE LINES.
WHAT FIRE LINES? THE FIRE LINES WE SET UP TO KEEP ANYBODY FROM GETTING HURT WHEN I SET FIRE TO HOWIE AND WE BLOW THIS HOUSE SKY-HIGH.
[ Chuckling .]
YOU'RE GONNA-- YOU'RE GONNA SET FIRE TO HOWIE AND BLOW THIS HOUSE SKY-- [ Man On P.
A.
.]
OKAY, FOLKS, 30 SECONDS AND COUNTING DOWN.
TWENTY-NINE.
TWENTY-EIGHT.
YOU GOING? YOU'RE INSANE.
TWENTY-TWO.
TWENTY-ONE.
FIFTEEN SECONDS TO GO.
OKAY, TURN AROUND.
- ROLL CAMERAS.
- OKAY, LIGHT IT UP.
OKAY, COLT, THE CAMERAS ARE ROLLING.
COME OUT THE BACK.
ACTION! [ Man On P.
A.
.]
COLT SHOULD BE OU THE BACK DOOR BY NOW.
I'M BLOWIN' IT! CUT.
ALL RIGHT.
PUT HIM OUT.
LET'S GO.
HOW'D I DO, COLT? WHERE'S COLT? HE DIDN'T COME OUT! MEDIC! GET SOME OXYGEN OVER HERE! MEDIC! [ Man On P.
A.
.]
GET A MEDIC! GET SOME OXYGEN OVER THERE! YOU ALL RIGHT? JUST RELAX.
[ Woman On P.
A.
.]
DR.
FREDERICKS, TWO EAST.
5-6-7-7-2.
OH, COLT! OH, THANK GOD.
WE'VE ALL BEEN SO WORRIED.
WELL, I WAS A LITTLE WORRIED MYSELF THERE FOR A WHILE.
WHY IS THIS HAPPENING? I MEAN, YOU PEOPLE KNOW YOUR JOBS.
I JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND ALL THESE ACCIDENTS.
I DON'T THINK THEY ARE ACCIDENTS.
A STATEMENT LIKE THA NEEDS A LITTLE EXPLAINING.
WELL, I HAVE A THEORY.
WHAT IF SOMEBODY HAD A GRUDGE AGAINST STUNTMEN? - SAY THEY WERE JEALOUS OR SOMETHING.
- JEALOUS OVER WHAT? WELL, YOU KNOW HOW MOVIE PEOPLE ARE.
EVERYBODY KNOWS ABOUT LOCATION ROMANCES.
WELL, THE ONLY PERSON STEVE SLEEPS WITH IS ME.
AND I HAVEN'T HAD TIME TO GET FRIENDLY, LET ALONE GET IN TROUBLE.
ALL RIGHT.
IT WAS A THEORY.
I THINK IT'S GONNA TAKE MORE THAN A THEORY TO STOP THESE ACCIDENTS.
NO, THESE ACCIDENTS ARE GOING TO STOP, YOU CAN COUNT ON THAT.
WELL, JUST HOW CAN WE COUNT ON THAT? BECAUSE I'M READY TO SHUT THIS PRODUCTION DOWN, PENDING MY INVESTIGATION.
- YOU CAN'T DO THAT.
- OH, YES, I CAN.
ALL THESE PEOPLE'LL DRIFT APART.
WE'LL NEVER FIND OU WHAT HAPPENED.
AT LEAS THE ACCIDENTS WILL STOP.
- I THOUGHT YOU SAID THEY WEREN'T ACCIDENTS.
- OH! GOOD.
FINALLY, YOU'RE STARTING TO THINK THAT MY THEORIES HAVE SOME MERIT.
THANK YOU.
- I WOULDN'T GO THAT FAR.
- YOU CAN GO AS FAR AS LOS ANGELES FOR ALL I CARE.
YOU'RE OUT OF WORK.
YEAH, WELL, WAIT.
YOU GOT IT.
I AM SHUTTING THIS CATASTROPHE DOWN NOW.
LOOK, LOOK.
OKAY, I'M SORRY.
I ADMIT IT, I WAS WRONG.
I, UH-- WE, UH-- ALL OF US SHOULD BE LISTENING TO A LADY OF YOUR VAST EXPERIENCE.
YOU'RE SO FULL OF BULL.
OH, NO, NO, KAY.
HE MEANS IT.
IN FACT, HE WAS TELLING ME JUST BEFORE YOU GOT HERE THA YOU'RE OUR ONLY HOPE OF FINDING OUT WHO'S BEHIND THIS SADISTIC NIGHTMARE THAT COULD COST YOUR COMPANY A FORTUNE.
AND NOT JUST ON THIS PICTURE, BUT ON MANY MORE TO COME UNLESS WE GIVE YOU THE TIME TO FIND OU WHO'S AT THE BOTTOM OF IT.
- MY EXACT WORDS.
- OKAY.
NOW THAT YOU PUT IT THAT WAY, I SEE YOUR POINT.
BUT ONE MORE ACCIDENT, EVEN A LITTLE ONE, I'M PULLING THE PLUG.
GOOD WORK.
[ Colt .]
HEY, DOC.
YOU GOT A MINUTE? SURE.
YOU GO STEVE'S HARNESS, HUH? YEAH, I WAS CHECKING IT OUT.
I-I CAN'T FIND ANYTHING WRONG WITH IT.
WHAT DO YOU THINK? THEN YOU'RE GONNA GO THROUGH WITH IT? I GAVE MY WORD.
WELL, I CAN'T FIND ANYTHING WRONG WITH IT.
[ Sighs .]
WHAT DO YOU THINK HAPPENED TO HIM? I'VE ASKED MYSELF THA 100 TIMES.
ONLY ONE MAN KNOWS FOR SURE.
WELL, IT'S FOR SURE HE CAN'T TELL US.
AFTER THE ACCIDENT, WHO TOOK THIS HARNESS OFF STEVE? - PARAMEDICS, I GUESS.
- THEY GAVE IT TO HIS WIFE AT THE HOSPITAL? YEAH, I GUESS SO.
YOU KNOW, I WAS JUST WONDERIN', DOC.
THIS LADY DETECTIVE'S GOT THIS DUMB THEORY THAT SOMEBODY JUST MIGH BE JEALOUS OF STUNTMEN.
I MEAN, THOSE ACCIDENTS, WELL, THEY'RE NOT EXACTLY ACCIDENTS.
YOU KNOW SOMETHING? I'D SAY THAT SHE'S GO ONE HELL OF AN IMAGINATION.
YEAH, WELL, I THOUGHT SO TOO.
UH, YOU KNOW, IT'S A FUNNY THING.
WHEN I WENT TO THE WRECKING YARD TO GET THAT GIRL'S TELEPHONE NUMBER, THAT FELLOW THOMAS ALREADY HAD THAT TRUCK IN THE CRUSHER.
UH-OH.
OH, SAY.
HOW'D EVERYTHING GO WITH THOSE, UH, TWO GIRLS? OH, UH, WELL, WHAT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A DOUBLEHEADER TURNED INTO A ROUND-ROBIN.
SEE YA ON THE SET.
YEAH, MOBILE OPERATOR.
I NEED 555-6503, PLEASE.
THANK YOU.
HELLO.
- HOWIE.
UH, GOOD.
- HI, COLT.
WHAT'S UP? FIRST OF ALL, I WANT YOU TO FIND GLORIA.
ASK HER WHO RETURNED STEVE'S HARNESS TO HER AFTER THE ACCIDENT.
OKAY.
SECOND OF ALL, I WANT SOMEONE TO MEET ME.
NOW? CAN'T IT WAIT TILL LUNCH BREAK? WE'RE ABOUT TO DO THE STUNT.
I'M AFRAID NOT.
IS KAY STILL HANGING AROUND ON THE SET? YEAH, I SAW HER LOOKING THROUGH THE CAMERA.
NEXT, SHE'LL BE WANTIN' TO DIRECT.
- TELL HER TO MEET ME AT THE MOTEL IN 10 MINUTES.
- SHE'S GONNA WANNA KNOW WHY.
JUST TELL HER I WAN TO GET INTO HER THEORIES.
SHE'LL BE THERE BEFORE YOU ARE.
BYE.
YOU REALLY HAVE YOUR NERVE.
FIRST, YOU DESTROY MY CAR.
THEN YOU TRY AND BLOW ME UP.
AND THEN YOU STAR SENDING OBSCENE INVITATIONS THROUGH INTERMEDIARIES.
WHAT'S SO OBSCENE ABOUT ME WANTING TO RUN BAREFOOT THROUGH YOUR BRAIN? - YOU HAVE SUCH A WAY WITH WORDS, SEAVERS.
- WELL, WHAT'S YOUR NEW THEORY? - I MEAN, WE MAY NOT HAVE MUCH TIME.
- LOOK.
ILLEGAL ALIENS.
- ALIENS? - THAT'S RIGHT.
WE'RE NEAR THE BORDER, AND THESE FILM CREWS USE LOTS OF BIG TRUCKS.
IT COULD BE TRUCKS, ALL RIGHT.
BUT THE ONE I'M INTERESTED IN IS TOO SMALL TO BE HAULING PEOPLE.
- DRUGS.
- DRUGS? OF COURSE.
I SHOULD HAVE REMEMBERED HOW YOU HOLLYWOOD PEOPLE ARE.
-WELL, JUST HOW THE HELL ARE WE? -ABOUT DRUGS! - LADY, I'M GONNA DECK YOU.
- WOULDN'T YOU JUST LOVE THAT? - I'VE GOT IT.
- SOMETIMES I THINK YOU HAVE THE I.
Q.
OF A HANDBALL.
WHAT'S THAT? THAT'S WHAT I WANT YOU TO FIND OUT.
WHERE'D YOU GET THIS? SCRAPED IT OFF THE GROUND AFTER THE CAR GAG.
- SO, IT'S PAINT.
- WELL, WE'LL LET THE POLICE LAB TELL US THAT, HUH? THEY'LL BE WAITIN' FOR YOU.
THIS IS NUTS! IF IT IS, WHY HAVE THE TWO GUYS IN THE YELLOW STATION WAGON BEEN FOLLOWING ME? - OR WERE THEY AFTER YOUR BODY TOO? - [ Forced Chuckle .]
TOO? ARE YOU SURE THEY'RE FOLLOWING YOU? GIVE ME A BREAK, LADY.
I'VE BEEN TAILED IN MY LIFE.
OKAY.
OKAY, COLT.
ALL IS FORGIVEN.
YOU MUST BE ONTO SOMETHING.
TELL ME WHERE TO REACH YOU WHEN I FIND OUT THE RESULTS.
PROBABLY ON THE SET.
I'LL GIVE YOU THE NUMBER.
OKAY.
JUST DO ONE THING, AND BE CAREFUL.
BE CAREFUL.
ME, BE CAREFUL.
YOU'RE BEING TAILED.
YEAH, BUT NOT FOR LONG.
BYE.
WELL, WHAT DO YOU THINK? I DON'T KNOW.
I THINK WE OUGHTA FIND OU WHAT HE GAVE THE GIRL.
[ Gasps .]
I DON'T HAVE ANY MONEY.
I LOST MY WALLE IN A MARKET A COUPLE OF DAYS AGO, AND, UH-- WE'RE NOT INTERESTED IN YOUR MONEY.
WE JUST WANT YOUR COMPANY.
THERE WASN'T ANY MONEY IN IT ANYWAY.
ALL RIGHT, YOU GUYS.
NOW LET'S SLIDE OUT OF THERE NICE AND EASY.
THIS SIDE.
COME ON.
TAKE IT EASY! WE'RE COPS.
YEAH, AND I'M MAGIC JOHNSON.
COME ON.
HE'S TELLING THE TRUTH.
WE WANT YOUR HELP.
WE'RE FROM THE PHOENIX P.
D.
OH, THEN YOU KNOW THE ROUTINE.
SPREAD 'EM.
LET'S GO.
SON OF A GUN.
YOU ARE A COP.
I TOLD YA.
WHAT'S TWO COPS FROM PHOENIX FOLLOWING ME AROUND SAN TOMAS? IF WE COULD STAND UP, I'LL BE HAPPY TO TELL YOU.
YEAH, SURE.
WE'RE HERE BECAUSE WE HAVE REASON TO BELIEVE THAT, UH, THESE TWO MEN ARE IN THE AREA.
- YEAH, SO? - THEY PULLED A SIX MILLION DOLLAR GOLD HEIST IN PHOENIX.
- I DIDN'T READ ANYTHING LIKE THAT IN THE PAPERS.
- IT WASN'T IN THE PAPERS.
IT WAS A GOVERNMEN BULLION TRANSFER, AND IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE TOP SECRET.
WE HAVE POSITIVE I.
D.
's ON THOSE TWO.
WE ALSO BELIEVE PETE THOMAS IS FENCING THE GOLD FOR THEM.
HE'S DONE THIS KIND OF THING BEFORE.
WE'VE BEEN WATCHING HIM.
BUT THE ONLY BUSINESS HE'S BEEN DOING THESE DAYS IS THE CARS HE'S SOLD TO THE-- TO THIS MOVIE.
WAIT A MINUTE.
YOU THINK THOMAS IS SOMEHOW USING THIS MOVIE COMPANY TO FENCE THE GOLD? WE WERE HOPING YOU COULD SORT OF BE OUR MAN ON THE INSIDE.
WHAT IF I TOLD YOU HE WASN' FENCING THE GOLD, HE'S TAKING IT OUT OF THE COUNTRY? - I'D SAY, "HOW?" - IN THE CARS THA WE'RE USING FOR THE STUNTS.
- BUT YOU'RE WRECKING 'EM.
- YEAH, BUT HE'S SELLING 'EM IN MEXICO FOR SCRAP.
- ARE YOU SURE? - I SOON WILL BE.
YES, MOBILE OPERATOR, COULD YOU CONNECT ME WITH THE SAN TOMAS POLICE DEPARTMENT, PLEASE.
YES, CRIME LAB, PLEASE.
HELLO, UH, THIS IS COLT SEAVERS.
COULD I SPEAK TO THE YOUNG LADY THAT I SENT OVER TO HAVE A SAMPLE ANALYZED? WHAT DO YOU MEAN SHE'S NOT THERE? SHE SHOULD'VE BEEN THERE BY NOW.
ALL RIGHT, THANK YOU.
HEY, WAIT! WHERE ARE YOU GOING? - TO THE WRECKING YARD.
- COME ON.
STOP! STOP! WAIT A MINUTE! YOU CAN'T-- PLEASE DON'T DO THIS TO ME! [ Whimpering .]
WAIT A MINUTE! YOU CAN'T DO THIS! YOU CAN'T-- OW! OH, MY-- OH, MY GOD! [ Gasps .]
SEAVERS! [ Whimpering .]
[ Panting .]
HEY! OW! OH! WHAT TOOK YOU SO LONG? WELL, I'M GETTING OLDER, YOU KNOW.
OH.
OOH! OH, MY HEAVENS.
WHO'S THAT? THAT'S THE CAVALRY.
HEY, THAT'S REED.
GREAT WORK, SEAVERS.
YEAH, WELL, THE OTHER ONE'S OVER THERE.
GET HIM.
- HEY, WAIT A MINUTE.
WHERE ARE YOU GOIN'? - I GOT A STUNT TO DO.
HEY, WAIT! SEAVERS! WAIT FOR ME! [ Man On P.
A.
.]
ALL RIGHT, CHOPPER'S HERE.
EVERYBODY'S READY.
LET'S GET THE CAMERA TRUCK IN POSITION.
READY TO GO IN THREE MINUTES.
YOU OKAY, COLT? YEAH, NOTHIN' TO IT.
DID YOU TALK TO GLORIA? YEAH.
SHE DIDN'T GE THE HARNESS BACK AT THE HOSPITAL.
DOC BROWNER GAVE IT TO HER THE NEXT DAY.
- THAT'S WHAT I WAS AFRAID OF.
- DOC WAS IN ON IT.
YEAH.
HE ALMOST GO STEVE KILLED.
- WHERE IS DOC? - WELL, HE SHOULD BE HERE.
- WELL, DON'T COUNT ON IT.
- COLT, YOU READY TO DO THIS? YOU BET.
LOOK, YOU FIND DOC.
I'LL TAKE CARE OF HIM AFTER THE STUNT.
- [ Man On P.
A.
.]
POSITIONS, PLEASE.
- LISTEN.
BE CAREFUL, OKAY? LET'S GO.
HOWIE, FIND DOC AND KEEP AN EYE ON HIM.
[ Man On P.
A.
.]
CHOPPER'S READY! CAR'S READY! ALL CAMERAS READY! POSITIONS, PLEASE! POSITIONS! READY TO ROLL! ROLL 'EM! ALL RIGHT.
HOLD HER STEADY.
THAT'S DOC BROWNER IN THAT CAR.
FOLLOW HIM! OKAY! HANG ON! HERE WE GO! LOWER! A LITTLE MORE TO THE RIGHT.
[ Woman On P.
A.
.]
DR.
SAUNDERS, ONE SOUTH.
5-2-1-5-5.
WELL, I JUST CAME FROM THE EMERGENCY ROOM.
DOC'S GONNA BE OKAY.
THAT'S A RELIEF.
WHEN THEY SMUGGLED THE GOLD OUT OF THE COUNTRY, HOW COME IT DIDN' GET MIXED UP WITH ALL THE OTHER METALS? WELL, THAT'S SIMPLE.
I TOOK A YEAR OF METALLURGY A COLORADO SCHOOL OF THE MINES.
YEAH, I THOUGHT YOU HAD.
YOU SEE, WHEN THE SCRAP METAL GETS TO MEXICO, THEY MELT DOWN THE WHOLE THING.
GOLD HAS A VERY LOW MELTING POINT, BUT IT'S ALSO VERY HEAVY.
SO AS THE TEMPERATURE RISES, THE GOLD FLOWS OFF FIRST.
I NEVER REALIZED IT BEFORE, HOWIE, BUT YOU ARE A VERY INTELLIGENT MAN.
DON'T ENCOURAGE HIM.
OH, I'M SORRY.
HEY, STEVE.
LOOKIN' GOOD.
I GUESS YOU KNOW EVERYTHING THAT HAPPENED, HUH? YEAH.
LITTLE HARD TO BELIEVE DOC WOULD DO SOMETHING LIKE THAT, EVEN IF HE DID FIND OU I WAS ONTO HIS SCAM.
YEAH.
SURPRISED ME TOO.
I COULDN'T BELIEVE I TILL THE VERY END.
WELL, THANKS FOR EVERYTHING YOU DID.
I WON'T FORGET IT.
HEY, WHEN YOU GET OUTTA HERE, WE GOTTA GO JUMP OFF A BUILDING TOGETHER.
YOU GOT A DEAL, PARD.
HOME, JAMES.
THANKS, COLT.
GOOD-BYE, GLORIA.
[ Woman On P.
A.
.]
DR.
ASHLEY, EIGHT EAST.
5-9-7-1-7.
THERE REALLY IS A STRONG BOND BETWEEN STUNTMEN, ISN'T THERE? WELL, THERE'S A STRONG BOND BETWEEN ME AND ANYBODY I CARE ABOUT.
COLT, I'D LIKE TO HAVE A WORD WITH YOU ALONE.
SURE.
HEY, UH, NICE JACKET, KID.
- YEAH! - [ Chuckles .]
I WOULD LIKE TO APOLOGIZE FOR SOME OF THE STUPID THINGS THAT I HAVE SAID IN THE PAST.
- I GUESS I LIKE TO PRETEND THAT I KNOW EVERYTHING.
- THAT'S RIGHT.
YOU DO.
WAIT A MINUTE.
DON'T GET SMART ON ME WHEN I AM TRYING TO BE HUMBLE.
- ALL RIGHT, EXCUSE ME.
- YOU KNOW, SEAVERS, THAT'S WHAT MAKES ME SO MAD.
YOU SEE, THAT'S YOUR PROBLEM.
YOU NEVER EVEN GIVE A GIRL AN INCH.
I DON'T LIKE TO DO MY FIGHTING IN HOSPITALS.
CAN'T WE DO THIS OVER, UH, TACOS AND A COLD BEER? I THOUGHT YOU'D NEVER ASK.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN, THOUGHT I'D NEVER ASK? YOU'RE SO LIBERATED, WHY DIDN'T ASK ME? WHAT, STEP ON THA FRAGILE MALE EGO OF YOURS? WHAT DO YOU MEAN, MALE EGO? YOU HEARD ME.
THIS MALE EGO.
IT'S SO FRAGILE.
I DON'T HAVE A MALE EGO.
COME ON.