The Fall Guy (1981) s02e14 Episode Script

Death Boat

(FINGERS SNAPPING) COLT: # Well, I'm hot the kind to kiss and tell But I've been seen with Farrah # I've never been with anything less than a nine, so fine! # I've been on fire with Sally Field Gone fast with a girl named Bo # But somehow they just don't end up as mine # It's a death-defying life I lead I take my chances # I die for a livin' in the movies and TV # But the hardest thing I ever do is watch my leading ladies # Kiss some other guy while I'm bandaging my knee # I might fall from a tall building I might roll a brand-new car # 'Cause I'm the unknown stuntman that made Redford such a star (FINGERS SNAPPING) # I've never spent much time in school But I taught ladies plenty # It's true I hire my body out for pay # Hey, hey # I've gotten burned over Cheryl Tiegs Blown up for Raquel Welch # But when I wind up in the hay It's only hay # Hey, hey # I might jump an open drawbridge Or Tarzan from a vine # 'Cause I'm the unknown stuntman that makes Eastwood look so fine # (SHIP HORN BLARING) (PLAYING LIVELY MUSIC) - Can I tell you something? - Mmm-hmm.
Since being on this cruise, I feel exactly like Ponce de León.
The explorer? I thought you were into banking.
I am.
You know, he searched for the fountain of youth.
I've found itin you.
You're very sweet.
Wait here.
I'll be right back.
I have a surprise before we go ashore.
- Sally, you are wonderful.
- Yeah.
Look, he's a nice guy.
Let's pass on this one.
Are you kidding? This is 2 million.
This is the biggest yet.
I just don't feel right about it.
I took you from a chorus line in Vegas to living a fantasy life amongst the rich, and you loved it.
Of course I have, and I am grateful.
But it's changed me.
No, I changed you.
Never forget that, love.
You're the best.
Sometimes you even fool me.
MAN ON MEGAPHONE: Okay, let's get in our positions, this is a big one.
We got to get I': in one take.
- How many cameras on this one? - Six.
So you can't possibly mess it up.
Just make sure there's film in it.
Okay, settle down.
Stand by camera one, start rolling.
You got it, cameras two and six, star': rolling.
- All right, is everyone ready? - Ready.
Okay, get set in the house, Bob, this is a take.
- Okay, Colt, roll the truck.
- Action, Colt! CUT! CUT! You okay, Colt? (co UGH ING) Yeah, well If stunt work gets slow, you'd make a great interior decorator.
- Fantastic, Colt! - Yeah, well, I don't know, kid.
You know, I think I missed a couple of moves.
We may have to do this thing again tomorrow.
What? You're kidding! Uh-huh.
(CHUCKLING) Gotcha! Stuntmen.
TERRI: Colt, I know you're tired.
I know you just finished one of the biggest stunts of your life, but listen to me.
This girl Sally really had a good cruise.
She took a guy for 2 million.
COLT: Any idea what happened to the jewels? No, they weren't on her when she was arrested in Los Angeles.
When did she jump bail? - Two months ago.
- Two months? And you waited this long to start looking for her? No, you were out of the country, shooting a picture, remember? I tried to track her down, but I couldn't.
- And now she's surfaced? - Well, Sally Randolph hasn't, but she has.
National Indemnity insurance adjuster.
Kay Faulkner.
Oh, no, no, no.
No way, I won't do anything with that woman.
- Why not? - You know why not.
She's always grabbing the tail of my kite, using me to do her work.
Exactly, that's why I think you should go on this case.
It gives you a chance to grab onto the tail of her kite.
Now, she's had detectives tracking Sally for the last two months.
She's obviously located her just outside of San Diego.
It's a perfect opportunity for you to go down there and pick up the prize.
Well, there's nothing we can do about it tonight.
- No planes after 10:00.
- Right, that's the one Kay was on.
She got a plane to San Diego and she's booked into the Star Dust Motel.
I really hate to see her get that big a jump on you.
We can be there in a few hours by truck.
HOWIE: There she is.
It's Kay Faulkner.
Did you get a nice rest? Can you get us some room service? You recognize that man? COLT: Nope.
Doesn't look like a cab driver.
Probably a detective.
Give them a lot of room.
She knows the truck.
HOWIE: I think you were right, Colt, that guy's got to be helping Kay, because we're sure out in the boonies.
COLT: Well, there's got to be something out there.
HOWIE: Hey, what the heck is this? COLT: A sanitarium.
I don't trust Kay.
Let's use the back entrance.
Here, keep the change.
- So, you think she's in there? - I know she is.
All right, let's go.
Let me handle it inside.
You're the boss.
(KAY CLEARS THROAT) - Can I help you? - Yes.
I'm looking for Sally Randolph.
I'm afraid I don't know who she is.
Stop the run-around.
She's here.
- Is she expecting you? - Yes.
Well, let me see if anyone knows about her.
- There's someone here looking for a Sally Randolph.
Do you know anything about that? - But no one knows I'm here.
- I didn't think so.
- So sorry.
- You should have seen me before.
Say, we're looking for somebody named Sally Randolph.
You wouldn't happen to know where she is? Sure.
She's in room 18.
- And she won't scare you.
- Thanks.
You can't go down there.
- KAY: There she goes! - There you go.
(KAY EXCLAIMS) COLT: She stole my truck! How'd she get it started? HOWIE: You told me to leave the key in, in case we had to make a fast getaway.
COLT: I meant us, not her! - LES: You all done, pal? - Yeah, what business is it of yours? I'll show you! COLT: The girl driving that truck looked blonde.
Maybe she changed her hair color.
HOWIE: Or didn't change it, knowing that we would think she changed it.
Shut up, Howie.
- KAY: We have to beat Colt to that girl.
- I'll take care of him.
COLT: Uh-oh, Kid, it's Kay and that guy.
- Maybe you can nudge him a little.
- I can do a lot more! HOWIE: He's crazy.
Can you get past him? COLT: In this crate? KAY: Hey, I said just nudge him! LES: He's a stuntman.
He'll make it.
KAY: Are you crazy? Stop it! LES: Lady, you promised me 40% of the recovery money, and I'm not sharing it with anybody! KAY: Stop! It's too dangerous! LES: But I got him now! KAY: I don't care! Wait! I'll kill her! - You blew it! - Me? No, my friend, you are the one that let her get away.
Well, that's no reason for him to be trying to kill us! If I really tried, you would be dead.
- If you'd just waited - For what? She could've been in jail before I could've found out where those stolen jewels were.
- At least we know where she is, roughly.
- Yeah, in my truck! Colt, I think we ought to go back to the sanitarium and see if we can get a lead on where she might be headed.
Is there anything else you want to share with our friends? Les.
I'm gonna kill her.
I'm I'm gonna kill her.
COLT: Sally Randolph is Sally Randolph in name only.
This face is gone forever.
Was the plastic surgery so complete that she isn't recognizable at all? Well, it was more reconstructive surgery.
In other words, not just your tuck here or your flap there.
She looks totally different.
But there must be someone who can tell us what she looks like now.
Well, we can tell you, but we can't show you.
She wouldn't allow any after-pictures taken.
- What kind of a place is this, anyway? - Legitimate and discreet and the best.
People come here for their own reasons.
We have to respect their wishes.
Well, let's face it.
We're at a dead end.
- Maybe if we - I mean, there's really nothing to discuss.
Good old Kay.
Trust follows you everywhere.
I think we're wasting our time.
Don't underestimate Seavers.
He's a bloodhound.
He'll pick up her trail.
Colt, we should be out there looking for her.
Not until the police locate my truck.
You see, that could point an arrow in her direction.
- Look, let's use logic.
- I'll try anything once.
Get out of the way, huh? The truck was last seen headed for Mexico, right? - All right, question.
Why Mexico? - Well, that's easy.
- So she can escape.
- Twice? She's already escaped behind that new face.
She can't even be identified.
Yeah, I see what you mean.
You found it! They found my truck! Where? - Not a scratch.
- Well, Howie, she can't be all bad.
- Is this a busy port? - Very.
Especially for tourists.
Many cruise ships pull in here.
- How long is the stopover? - Usually a day or so.
(SPEAKING SPANISH) (SHIP HORN BLARING) - So, was she on the manifest? - No, but I know she's aboard.
The tough part is, how do you find someone you can't identify? It might not be so tough.
You know, a person can change how they look, but they can't change what they are, like the psychological factors, habit patterns, likes, dislikes, needs, inclinations.
She's superstitious, she cries easily, she has a quick temper.
Give me something I can get a hold of.
She's 5'5" tall, 118 pounds, blue eyes, left-handed, likes rich men.
I can get a hold of that.
All right.
We got to find a phone and get Jody down here.
- So, we're going aboard? - That's right.
- Howdy.
- Hi.
- Colt, you'd make the Duke proud.
- Well, thank you, little lady.
But I still don't get it.
Well, if Sally Randolph is on board, according to my road company Freud here, -she'll be up to her old tricks.
- Go after rich men? And we're gonna give her two clear choices.
Howie, the millionaire that's ready to drop dead.
And me, the millionaire that's out to get richer.
So,jump in there, kid.
Let's rub elbows with the have-nots.
But wait a minute, Colt.
Who'd believe there's anything wrong with a specimen like me? I mean, look at these muscles, these clear, hawk-like eyes.
You gotta face it, I look too healthy.
You know, I think he's right.
There, you look better.
Let's go, Reggie.
- HARMON: Who is it? - The ship steward.
- Have you got the passenger list? - Of course.
But I may have something even more interesting for you.
- What? -"What" costs.
You've got my word on it.
Hey, you know, there's an old saying, "Shipboard promises are the first to be broken.
" A man came aboard.
Colt Seavers.
- He's posing as a Texas millionaire.
- Posing from what? - He's a bounty hunter.
- So? He met with the captain.
He has extradition papers.
What's that got to do with me? He's looking for Sally Randolph.
- She's here? - Not on the passenger list.
Stop playing games.
You know what she looks like.
- Is she here, or isn't she? - Interesting question.
Seavers told the captain Sally has undergone extensive plastic surgery.
- She looks totally different from before.
- That dumb broad.
- I'LL find her anyway, and the jewels.
- What jewels? Oh, it's nothing.
Sue, I'm going to be busy.
You go ahead and have a good time.
But I thought we were going to work the ship.
Well, not this trip.
- You're on your own, okay? - Okay.
You keep your eye on this Seavers.
And you let me know the second he finds her.
- I have so many duties on board, I - Locate her, and you're a rich man.
You can depend on it, then.
You're starting to look too good again, kid.
COLT: Pull.
How did you get so skilful? I bought it.
Like everything else.
Best teachers in the world.
I bet you can do everything that well.
- Well, now, honey, is that an invitation? - A challenge.
Well, like I said.
I've been taught by the best.
No, you haven't.
(PLAYING LIVELY MUSIC) You poor, wonderful man.
So brave.
Well, one man's infirmity is another man's challenge.
I could help you so much.
My dear, what could a young thing like you possibly do for a man in my condition? All kinds of good things.
Not too many.
The slightest shock, and it could be all over.
You're such a charming man.
So handsome.
You're divine.
Oh, I know all that, angel, and humble.
Come on.
Look, aren't you carrying things a bit too far? I mean, with the weird accent and the head-in-the-dip routine? We have to draw Sally out, don't we? If you had looked above the shoulders, you'd have noticed that girl's eyes were the wrong color.
Now, just where exactly are you taking me? - To a movie.
- In the daytime? I love matinees.
Don't you? Wait just a minute, now.
It has been awhile.
(HUMMING A CHEERFUL TUNE) jenny, you wait right here.
I'll be right back.
- Fortunes? Tarot readings, anyone? - Hey, hey, what are you doing here? - I'm on vacation.
- What's with the gypsy outfit, huh? What The gypsy outfit, the tarot cards Sally's superstitious.
Colt, together we can smoke her out.
Help! Somebody help! Let go of me! Help! - Sally, stop fighting me.
- I'm not Sally! Come on, you guys, this is dangerous business, and we're in it together.
All we have to do is cooperate.
- I think I have proved that to you.
- What did you find out? Well, she's definitely not Sally.
There are no scars or any sign of plastic surgery.
- But that man called her Sally.
- Why would he do that? He must somehow know who I am, and that I'm looking for Sally.
And when he saw you with jenny, he thought she was Sally.
So, who's he? My guess is he'd be a former accomplice.
It usually takes two in a scam like this.
Maybe that's why she wasn't caught with the jewels.
So maybe he has them? Yeah, or she could have them, and he wants them back.
What do we do now? Well, I think you and Colt have to keep playing millionaires.
I mean, for sure, Sally can't know anything about the two of you.
- What's wrong, Colt? - Well, if we are the right bait, we could be revealing Sally to her former accomplice.
- I don't like that.
- It's a chance we have to take.
All you care about is the jewels.
Well, one thing's for sure.
It's a lot better if we find her than that man.
You know, honey, my ranch is so big I need a two-engine plane with an extra gas tank under each wing just to get me off it.
- That sounds lonely.
- Well, only when there's no one around.
Say, honey, why don't you hustle us up a couple of drinks? I'll be right back.
- May I cut in? - On what? - On your thoughts.
- I don't think you'd like them.
Well, give me a try.
- You're cute.
- Cute? I haven't been called that since I wore my first pair of chaps.
I think it's that little-boy gleam in your eyes.
Well, there may be a gleam in there, but they're sure not too sharp.
How I ever missed spotting you in LA I'll never know.
- I got on in Ensenada.
- Oh, Ensenada.
Where's Howie? He's below decks, working.
I've never seen him so dedicated.
Well, I have faith in the boys, Jody.
I think if anybody can find this Sally, they can.
- Yeah.
If Colt's heart's in it.
- What? No, you don't Is he still worried about exposing Sally to her former partner? Look, Kay, I know that you're only worried about finding the accomplice and the jewels, but Kay I don't like that look in your eye, Kay.
“wank you.
Maybe there's a way that I can solve the problem.
I gotta run.
Goodbye, Jody! - What's your name? - Colt Seavers.
What's yours? - Molly Anderson.
- Molly Anderson.
Molly, your face just glows in the moonlight.
You don't want to ruin a $50 hairdo.
No, no, no.
But I know what we could do.
They're about to show a horror picture that'll get you just screaming back into my arms.
What time you got? Excuse me.
Hey, big fella, how about that dance you promised me? I don't dance.
Don't worry about it, cowboy, you just stand there, and I'll take care of the rest, all right? You're trying to get the accomplice to make believe you're Sally.
And tomorrow, we're going to be in Cabo San Lucas, and it's time to get something started before it's too late.
We agreed to cooperate, not manipulate.
- You millionaires are all the same.
- Not so loud in front of her.
- Do you think that's Sally? - She could be a lead.
- To what? - What do you mean, "To what?" Millionaires! I'm done with all of you! From now on, I'm sticking to just plain rich! - Long time, Sally.
A let's happened.
- Yes, it has.
Like, I got nothing, and you got the jewels.
Where are they? - You're not Sally.
- No.
I'm Kay Faulkner.
An insurance adjuster.
And I thought you had the jewels.
- Who told you that? - No one.
just a mistake.
- A costly one for you.
- Colt! - You've done it again.
- I had to.
Of all the dumb stunts I should have let him kill you.
You were always cursed with a conscience.
It sure isn't one of your problems.
Listen, let's get to the bottom line.
At least now we know who he is.
Yeah, well, I hope you can find him.
- You've found her, haven't you? - I think so.
You're sure he found Sally? That's what he told the captain.
She's in her stateroom under guard.
- If I could just get to her - You have a much more pressing problem.
They can identify you now.
There will be a police search of the entire ship right after we land.
- I've got to find a way out.
- All you have to do is ask.
Name it.
This will make us partners for the 2 million.
You got it.
Colt, give me a break.
Let me talk to her first.
- Why? He's got the jewels.
- No, that's just it.
She's got them.
And if she's arrested, then I have no bargaining power to make any kind of deal.
How do you look yourself in the eye when you shave every morning, huh? I have certain business acquaintances on a small island off the mainland.
They operate from out-of-the-way coves, using powerboats, so that they can hit and run fast.
And they can get Sally and me off this ship? For a price, these bandits would do anything.
What about Seavers? They're well-equipped to handle him, and any other exigencies, including Sally's guard.
How can you get them all aboard without being seen? Through the cargo hatch.
It's located at water level.
They'll pull up the boats.
I'll bring them up to you and Sally.
- You think it'll work? - It has in the past.
HOWIE: Well, we made it to port.
Now what? All right, one last time.
I am asking.
I am pleading.
- Let me talk to Sally.
- Don't trust her, Colt.
Don't worry.
I won't.
But you can still join up on the plane I chartered to take us out of here.
Well, it's time.
I'll be right back.
Now, remember, make it look good, but not too good.
- Who is it? - It's the steward.
We're ready to take the woman off.
- What's happening? - Something about stolen jewels.
If you know anything about them, or where they are, please, please tell him.
- He's dangerous.
- SALLY: I don't care what he is! Those jewels are going back to their rightful owner.
(SPEAKING SPANISH) Look after him, huh? Hey! Hey! Hey, there! Hey, you can't take that boat! I'll bring it right back.
I promise.
Hey! Come here! Hey! Hey, what do you think you're doing? Hey, come here! Hey! Hey! Hey! HARMON: You know what to do.
Take care of him.
(GUNSHOTS) (GUNSHOTS CONTINUE) HARMON: Make this one count! HARMON: Circle around.
I want to make sure we got him.
COLT: Goodbye, fellows.
Now all I got to do is swim to shore.
- Any word? - Not yet.
HOWIE: Well, let's go look for him.
KAY: Listen, Howie, maybe the best way of helping Colt is to figure out whom we're looking for.
Now, let's bounce some ideas around.
Now, fact one, Sally changed her looks, so nobody can recognize her.
Now, two, she came back to the same cruise ship that she was on last time.
Three, those jewels were never found.
They never surfaced.
So that means that they were never sold underground or above.
And four, somewhere on this ship is her accomplice, and he finally spotted her.
Five, he got some local bandits to kidnap her.
Now there come the questions.
How did those bandits get on the ship without being seen? How did he know local bandits? How did he finally spot her? And how did they know which stateroom she was in? Well, it all sorts out.
It has to be the guard, or the steward, or the captain, or one of us.
- Obviously it's not one of us.
- Right! The captain of this ship has been with this line for over 20 years.
He has an impeccable reputation.
And it wasn't the guard because he was with Sally the entire time.
So he couldn't have signaled the bandits, or let them know which stateroom they were in.
That leaves the steward.
- Yeah, well, he was knocked out.
- And he recovered awfully fast.
- Well, let's tell the captain.
- Not yet.
No, because the steward could just deny everything, and then where would we be? Now, if he's involved in it, he's gonna have to get in touch with those people again.
What I suggest, let's just spread out.
We'll find him.
Be careful.
I'm calling from a phone booth on shore.
I know where the jewels are.
Your friend is quite persuasive.
- Where are they? - The Last place you'd Look.
On the ship.
Tell me where they are, and I'll bring them over to the island by boat in an hour.
Get a helicopter.
I don't want to have to go back to the island.
I can arrange it.
Where are the jewels? Well, I think I just found my jewels.
Possession is nine-tenths.
I think you'd better give them to me.
What What are you gonna do? You won't get away with killing me.
Me, kill? Never.
I'll let my friends do it.
(HELICOPTER WHIRRING) You should feel proud of yourself.
You'll make the Guinness Book of Records for the highest free fall into the sea.
HARMON: Let's go, my dear.
HARMON: What's this? I need a coat in the tropics? Feel the inside right lining.
Let's get to the chopper.
Juan, get the stuff from the house.
Come on, let's go.
To your chariot.
(SPEAKING SPANISH) All right, put 'em up.
Okay, come on, now.
That's good.
Now that you're here, do something.
- What? - Tie them up! All right, you.
Come on, up! Off with your belts, both of you! - I'm going with you, Seavers.
You need me.
- Why? I can fly this thing.
- Now what do we do? - That's what I'm trying to figure out.
Listen, aren't you used to jumping out of these things into cars? You never get used to that.
Besides, that cliff could give us trouble.
Catch a blade or a down draught.
How about climbing down, Seavers? Bring her down.
Lower! Lower! Bring her down! Okay, bring her down! Bring her down! Easy! Lower, lower! Take it up! Take it up quick! Bring her in easy! That's it, I'm getting out of this business.
at the end of that road.
Ted Harmon.
Thanks, Lieutenant.
- Aren't they gorgeous? - Yeah, for fakes.
- You should be so real, Seavers.
- Well, I'll try if you will.
- How's that? - Don't press charges on Sally.
- She's a thief.
- Was a thief.
She was giving the jewels back.
Look, she's changed her ways, her values, everything.
- She deserves a break.
- Seavers, you are hopelessly soft.
That's not true.
I'm hard around everyone but you.
All right, I tell you what.
You listen to my proposition, - I'll listen to yours.
- No.
- You haven't even heard it yet.
- I know, and I'm already nervous.
Well, don't be nervous.
I want you to work for me.
Me and you, together? Absolutely! Team up in recoveries.
We'll make a fortune! - Kay, we hate each other! - Listen, Seavers, no relationship is perfect.
I can see it.
You laughing all the way to the bank.
What do you think?