The Fall Guy (1981) s02e16 Episode Script

(FINGERS SNAPPING) COLT: # Well, I'm hot the kind to kiss and tell But I've been seen with Farrah # I've never been with anything less than a nine, so fine! # I've been on fire with Sally Field Gone fast with a girl named Bo # But somehow they just don't end up as mine # It's a death-defying life I lead I take my chances # I die for a livin' in the movies and TV # But the hardest thing I ever do is watch my leading ladies # Kiss some other guy while I'm bandaging my knee # I might fall from a tall building I might roll a brand-new car # 'Cause I'm the unknown stuntman that made Redford such a star (FINGERS SNAPPING) # I've never spent much time in school But I taught ladies plenty # It's true I hire my body out for pay # Hey, hey # I've gotten burned over Cheryl Tiegs Blown up for Raquel Welch # But when I wind up in the hay It's only hay # Hey, hey # I might jump an open drawbridge Or Tarzan from a vine # 'Cause I'm the unknown stuntman that makes Eastwood look so fine # Ready all effects? Get set, Colt.
All right, kid, let's get it right the first time so we don't have to do it again.
Background action.
All right.
Action.
COLT: Let's go! (sums FIRING) HOWIE: Hey! Hey! Colt, you all right? COLT: Speak a little louder.
All I can hear is a loud whistle.
DANNY: You're lucky you got ears.
What happened? What happened? You ran right into him! Listen, junior, you better get some glasses and a new job! You guys aren't even competent enough to fall where you're supposed to! Hey, I'm the one that's hurt, remember? What's going on? You guys just blew the biggest shot in this picture.
Sorry, Mr Haller.
just a little problem.
We'll get it right in the next take.
Give you a hand out, Colt? If you don't mind, Danny, I think I can make do with the little lady here.
All right, what happened? Colt missed his mark by four feet.
Like I've been telling you, boss.
I mean, Seavers, while he knows how to stage these stunts, he's getting too old to pull them off.
What's the matter with you, Danny? You knocked Colt into that charge and you know it.
Really? I mean, you hear Colt saying that? Listen, he might be over the hill but he knows when he made a mistake.
Listen, between these old-timers and these amateurs you bring on the set, -good thing I'm still in - That's it! All right! All right! Hold it.
If either one of you throws a punch you're off this picture! Don't forget to thank the man, junior.
He just saved your life.
Mr Haller, you know the things he's saying about Colt aren't true! Colt's the best there is.
All I know is we've got to re-shoot.
The question is, how soon? - How about the day after tomorrow? - Day after tomorrow? You expect me to shut this whole company down for two days? Special effects is an art, Haller.
Especially the way I do them.
My credits show how much I care about the pictures I'm on.
Oh, spare me your string of awards, Luckman, okay? The fine people working out here have given you everything you need.
- I'm not risking their lives for a movie.
- Nobody asked you to, Professor.
And may I remind you that the delays caused yesterday and the day before were attributed to your department.
All right, that's a wrap! It's not that bad.
just clean it up a little, huh? Colt, we've got to do something about Danny! He's a good stuntman, kid.
I'll have a talk with him.
Get him in line.
In line with what? He almost killed you! Nothing's ever that simple, kid.
Well, doesn't it bother you what he's saying about you? He's gonna get you fired from this picture.
Well, it'll take a lot more than his mouth to do that, I guarantee you! DANNY: Whoa-ho! Keep her fired up, pretty lady.
We're through for the day.
Through? I thought you weren't finished shooting until 6:00.
- Yeah, well, Colt screwed up the big shot.
- He what? Hey, listen, they won't have it re-rigged until day after tomorrow.
What say you and I take in dinner and a movie? Yeah.
Yeah, I'd like that.
Is Colt okay? Sure! Nothing turning back the clock about 10 years wouldn't cure.
Listen, I'll get my bag and be right back.
- You're quitting already? - Yeah.
I don't think we're gonna get to that jeep chase on the highway today.
- They'll probably let you go home soon.
- Oh? Won't that be nice.
I told you you'd like working security for a movie company.
Anything beats being a hick-town deputy.
We're nothing but glorified dogcatchers.
Who knows? This could be the start of a whole new life for you.
I'll see you in town.
If you don't punch him out, I am.
COLT: Come on.
Why don't you forget about it? Let's go clean up and have ourselves a good time.
HOWIE: Yeah.
Oh! I forgot! Terri's driving up here right now to see the last half of the big action scene.
It's too late to call and stop her.
But you know, if tonight's all it could be, Terri might not mind.
What's that mean? Colt? Hmm.
I think we should have a talk.
- About what? - About us.
What about us? It's like this, I'm driving and you're resting.
And it's always like this.
It's not fair.
That's true.
- Does that mean you wanna change? - Hmm.
And ruin a perfect relationship? COLT: Kid, I'm tired.
I’ve just been in a war! Okay, Howie, if it'll make you feel any better, after we stop at the motel to change, I'll drive to pick up Terri.
Wow.
This is even better than the set.
(COUNTRY MUSIC PLAYING ON STEREO) It's a welcome change from courtrooms and police stations.
COLT: Nothing's too good for our boss.
TERRI: Ah.
Thank you! Hey, old-timer.
How you feeling? Danny, you're talking to my best friend in the whole world! Hey, Jody, maybe he thinks Howie's old.
- Oh, no! I think Howie's an idiot! - Now, wait a minute! You don't give a guy much room, do you? What can I tell you? I was brought up honest.
Come on, guys, what do you want? That Hollywood talk you're used to? "Oh, Colt, you're the best.
" (DANNY LAUGHS) Colt, that guy's begging for it.
Yeah.
He is working a little hard, isn't he, Colt? Come on, you remember the old days of the gunfighters.
There was always a young punk trying to gain a quick reputation.
Oh, by gunning down the old pro? Yeah.
But break my knuckles on that bonehead? I got enough bruises already.
HOWIE: You're the man in charge of the stunt menagerie, so I can understand you're not losing your temper.
But I don't see any excuse for Jody hanging out with that guy.
Jody's the one that's getting to him, Colt.
Hmm.
All this time I thought it was his undying respect for me! Aw! JODY: Let go! I'm gonna go sit with my friends! DANNY: You just sit here, woman, and shut up! - JODY: I said Let go, Danny! - Why'd he have to go and do that? - Colt, your leg's hurt.
- Let me handle this.
That's enough, kid.
Well, the old-timer getting some courage? No.
I think it's time you and I had a little talk.
Come on.
- Talk, hell! I'm gonna lay you out! - OFFICER: Hold on, you two.
Look, I don't want to get between two out-of-towners with a beef.
I just don't want this thing settled in here, in front of me or any of my locals.
- Any objections if we take it outside? - The front door is that way.
Oh, Colt! Colt, look, I'm sorry I ever put up with him.
- Let's go back to town.
- Jody, Jody, it's a little too late for that.
I'll be right back.
Come on! (CLATTERING) It's not a fair fight! Colt's hurt! HOWIE: Jody! (CLATTERING) Jody! Jody, wait a minute! (MYSTERIOUS WAILING) MAN 1: This is very scary.
WOMAN: What's up there? MAN 2: Sounds like something's coming from the sky! MAN 3: Whatever it is, we better get out of here.
HOWIE: What the OFFICER: What's going on? What happened to the lights? HOWIE: You tell me.
They're out all down the street.
TERRI: What is that noise? What the hell happened to my car? The lights just went out.
(MYSTERIOUS WAILING CONTINUES) I don't know.
The car just stopped running.
- Wait a minute, Harris - Now, let's not get hasty.
(CRACKLING) (PEOPLE CLAMORING) It's money! My God! MAN: Somebody call an ambulance! WOMAN: I can't believe it! WOMAN: Hundreds of thousands of dollars! MAN: I'm telling you, some of these other buildings are gonna go up.
We'd better get out of here! - You all right? - Yeah.
All right, come on.
Come on.
Let's go check the damage.
(PEOPLE CLAMORING) HOWIE: Colt! Are you okay? - Oh.
Yeah, I - HOWIE: Where's Danny? I don't know.
We threw a couple of punches and then everything went dark.
(MOANING) TERRI: Oh, that's a nice little bump you got there.
Nice? I'm getting symptoms on my symptoms.
- What kind of symptoms? - Well, everything's dark.
And there's fire dancing all around in my eyes.
Those aren't symptoms, everything is real dark! There's fire all over the place! - I must be getting better.
I can see.
- No, the lights just came back on, Colt.
What do you mean, the lights? What? Uh.
I don't think this is the place to explain it to him, do you? Explain what? What are you talking about? - About the flying saucer.
- Oh.
What? - Yeah.
- We'll explain it to you at the hospital.
What? REPORTER: What has been described as an average, conservative community with no ambitions for international fame has, overnight, become the focal point of every manner of probe from the federal bureaucracy to the kook patrols.
With me now are Sheriff Nick Baker and Deputy Paul Harris, two eyewitnesses to what has been described variously as everything from a real-life Orson Welles invasion from Mars to The Day the Earth Stood Still.
Do you gentlemen really believe that this town was visited by extraterrestrials last night? We had us a town full of Martians, Miss Caldwell, I'll tell you that.
That's right.
Sheriff Baker, I know what the people say they saw, but the people that didn't see it still tend to be skeptical.
Well, Miss Caldwell, this is a level-headed town.
The folks saw what they saw.
But there is a certain amount of local prejudice? Prejudice? Not at all.
- Fact is, we got two black deputies.
- That's right.
(PEOPLE CLAMORING) I'm referring to the fact that while people may have been frightened, the whole town has gotten a windfall.
How much money is missing from the bank? Well Most of the money in the bank was incinerated.
-Which amounts to? - Well Mr Gorman, the bank president, figures that at about $2 million.
$2 million is missing from your bank? All the cash reserves at Consolidated Mining.
CYNTHIA:".
Thank you, Sheriff Baker.
Cynthia Caldwell reporting live from Pleasance, California.
Howie, he's coming around.
Colt? - How do you feel? - Like my head got kicked for a field goal.
- I had a dream you wouldn't believe.
- Oh, yes, I would.
Yeah, at this point, I'd be willing to believe just about anything.
How dumb to get suckered into a back-alley brawl! And to let that kid get in such a good lick! (GROANING) Yeah, well, that's because you don't know what happened after you left the saloon with him.
Of course, I do.
I got into a fight, and evidently I lost.
According to the doctors, see, what you lost it to was something about the size of a two-by-four.
Oh, come on, Terri, I may be getting old, but if he'd have picked up a two-by-four, I'd have seen it! Yeah, unless you couldn't because the lights went out! Will you two please tell me what the hell you're talking about? Well, while you were losing the fight, the town lost its power and a heck of a lot more.
Like what? Like $2 million bucks from the bank, for instance.
-$2 million? - It was a flying saucer.
Flying saucer? Honest, Colt! It landed, it shot up the whole town and it left.
I've been helping out here at the hospital.
There's a lot of frightened people.
- Yeah, but that's not the worst of it.
- What is? We don't know for sure at this point, but nobody's heard from her.
- Who? - Jody.
She's been missing since she ran out of the Crazy Horse Saloon last night.
Yeah.
The Sheriff's got men all over the county looking for her.
If Jody's missing, we got to find her.
Colt! Colt, the X-rays show you have a concussion! You can't Colt! Terri, we got things to do! Now turn around! - You didn't tell me it was like this out here.
- It was the laser bolts.
The laser bolts? I know how it sounds, but if you'd seen it Laser bolts? Intergalactic contact.
You know what that means? Sure.
It was a man from space! The fire came right out of his fingers and practically disintegrated that poor deputy.
He must have flew 20 feet into the air.
And so one more inexplicable event in a town known for its serenity.
Even the experts are beginning to believe that whatever happened here last night could be man's first encounter with something from outer space.
- Horse feathers! - Who was that? Did he get on camera? COLT: Hi, Harris.
Is the Sheriff around? You'll have to stay back, Mr Seavers.
This area's restricted.
Why? What're you doing? Well, they're checking out the impact area of that spaceman's laser bolt.
Yeah, I'd like to take a look at that blast site myself.
Well, now, hold on, there.
Don't make me use force.
- I'm here to protect you.
- From what? Radiation! That's a Geiger counter.
This is a very dangerous area.
Radiation? Come on, I know a dynamite blast when I see one.
Look at all this debris, how it's blown up and out, not in.
BAKER: You got some kind of trouble here, Harris? No, there's no trouble, Sheriff.
It's just that Mr Seavers here, he doesn't seem to agree with the experts on the explosion.
Well! You some kind of expert yourself, Mr Seavers? Oh, I work with a lot of explosives, Sheriff.
I'm a Hollywood stuntman.
(LAUGHING) You Hollywood folks always been known for your imagination, now, haven't you? Yeah, well, a dynamite explosion is a dynamite explosion, and that, my friend, is a dynamite explosion! Uh-huh.
Well, now, that is our business, don't you think? Finding Jody Banks is your business, also.
How are you doing on that one, pard? Uh.
Nothing, so far.
But this is wide-open country around here.
There ain't many places to hide.
Least-ways, not here on the ground.
- Now,just hold on! What are you saying? -just relating the facts.
The girl was here when the spaceship come down, and right now she ain't nowhere on God's Earth that we can find.
But you can hear all about it on the 6:00 news when they put me on tonight.
Yeah.
Well, Sheriff, I wouldn't get too far out on a limb.
How would it look if somebody sawed it off on your 6:00 news? Well, my toughest stunt, little darling? That's hard to say.
Well, your toughest stunt is gonna be talking, after I get through with you! Truce, truce! I mean, I had all I could take of you last night.
Before you hit me with that board, you mean? I don't know what you're talking about.
We both went piling into those trashcans and the whole town went dark, till that spaceship showed up.
And you haven't seen Jody since we stepped out back? Seavers, look, I might not be your biggest fan, but I do like Jody.
Honest, I don't know where she is.
Then why aren't you off your can trying to find her? - Off my can? - That's right! What do you think I am, junior, NASA? All right, all right! Danny, I'm gonna take you at your word, but if I find out you lied to me CYNTHIA: Cynthia Caldwell, reporting live from Pleasance, California.
With me is Frank Forester, owner of the Consolidated Mine, which lost a great deal of its money from Pleasance Bank.
Mr Forester, how do you feel about the situation? Well, I'm just glad that nobody was seriously injured.
Will you be able to make your payroll this month? Yes.
Fortunately, the bank is federally insured, so we shouldn't have much of a problem.
CYNTHIA: For a town that has been a victim of such a frightening encounter, Pleasance today seems to be celebrating! Well, I suppose you could say a lo': of good will was created by that shower of money.
CYNTHIA: And so if appears - Where's that mine? - How should I know? GIRL: It's north of town, about 20 miles.
But it's closed down now.
Come on, kid.
HOWIE: If it's closed down, how can they have a payroll? What do I look like, an accountant? Describe this guy with the fire coming out of his fingers.
Is he human-shaped? Oh, yeah, but he kind of glowed.
Well, how'd he get onto the ground? Well, he just appeared out of the smoke that came with the spaceship.
I know, all the money being missing is suspicious.
But if you were an extraterrestrial, wouldn't you want to get your hands on some of the local means of exchange? - Kid, if I was an ET, I wouldn't need it.
- What about all the things he did? The fire coming out of his fingers? The explosions? The spaceship? Come on, kid, movies can make Superman fly, part the Red Sea, put an ape up on top of the Empire State Building.
- Yeah, but all in one take? - With the right equipment, why not? Now, did the Sheriff and Harris both fire at this spaceman? Gee, I don't remember.
Why? Because I found this paper wad near the Sheriff's car.
One of those lawmen was firing blanks.
Then this whole thing is a phony, and one of those guys is in on it! But wait a minute! What's that got to do with the mine? A mine wouldn't be a bad place to hide a person, now, would it? If Jody happened to stumble onto something.
Yeah! And mines use lots of dynamite, like at the bank! Looks like somebody's interested in where we're going.
COLT: I think that somebody is Deputy Harris.
(POLICE SIREN WAILING) Why don't we give them a little ride for their money, huh? - Colt, that's straight down! - Yeah.
Let's hope he follows.
Kid, remember what the stuntman's manual said, "The only way down a hill is straight down, because" -"Never at an angle because you might roll.
" -"you might roll.
" (BOTH LAUGHING) GUARD: You want something? Yeah, we're with a TV crew.
We thought we'd check the mine out so we could do a live remote.
I'm not supposed to let anybody on this place.
Oh, well, that'd sure disappoint Mr Forester.
He's the one who sent us.
All right.
just stay out of the restricted areas.
- You betcha.
- Well, what are the restricted areas? Just stay over by the offices and you'll be fine.
Thanks again.
It's an awful big place.
Jody could be anywhere.
Yeah.
We'll never cover all this area.
- I wonder why they shut down operations? - I don't know, must have just played out.
Does that make sense? That mine owner was talking about a big payroll.
Well, maybe this thing hasn't been a total loss after all, kid.
What does that look like to you? Oh, come on, Colt! Forget it! That's no flying saucer.
How do you know? Well, I know what a helicopter sounds like.
Didn't you say you heard a high-pitched roar? Yeah! Enough to break your eardrums.
That sure sounds like enough to drown out a turbine.
HOWIE: What about the lights and the shape? Movie magic, kid! I mean, somebody conveniently turned off every light in town, so you couldn't see what they didn't want you to see.
- Like that? - COLT: It's Luckman! Colt! That's dynamite he's carrying! Yeah! And what's he doing here in the first place? I knew he had to be in on this.
Kid, we're onto something.
Onto what? - This chopper.
It's perfect.
- For what? Well, our television coverage.
I mean, what else would we care about? You know, like a flying saucer's eye view of Pleasance.
You need our chopper for that? We're lucky we have a truck.
Those cheapskates at the TV station won't even pay mileage.
Yeah.
Yeah, well, the guy you need to talk to about renting this chopper is the guy you said sent you.
Maybe you better come with me while I call him.
Oh, no, that's okay.
We'll just be Hold it! Not so fast! HOWIE: I wonder what Luckman was up to at Consolidated Mines.
COLT: I don't know, kid, but I think we should have a little talk with the Sheriff.
CYNTHIA: A new element has been added to the unusual events in Pleasance.
Jody Banks, the missing girl, has been found.
- CYNTHIA: Sheriff Baker is questioning her now.
- Let's go.
This is the KLA-TV news team keeping you up-to-date with the up-to-minute news.
Jody, Jody, you'll be all right.
- Jody? -(CRYING) Oh, Colt! Hey! It's all right.
I'm here.
It's okay.
- She's scared to death.
- It's okay.
Sit down.
It's okay.
Now, what happened, Jody? You don't want to know.
Yes, we want to know.
Now, you've got to tell us about it.
I mean, you gotta get it out in the open.
We both know there was no UFO.
- Now, what happened? - Yes, there was! They took me, just like a child's doll.
- Took you where? - Up in the spaceship.
They wanted to know things and learn things and (SOBBING) Colt it hurt, it hurt, it felt like they were just turning my head inside out - Jody! Kid, are you okay? - No.
No, Danny, not really, no.
All right, Seavers, that's enough.
Sheriff, you can see Miss Banks has been under a terrible strain.
I think she needs a good physical examination before you start hassling her.
Now, I'm not hassling anybody.
I just want some answers to what's been going on around here.
Now, Miss Banks, I'm really sorry, but, in view of what's been going on around here, I got a damn good reason for wanting to know where you been.
Up in a spaceship.
You were in that thing? Sheriff, I'm not a doctor, but it seems to me that Jody's suffering from shock.
Well, Miss Michaels, everybody in this town is in a state of shock.
Urn.
Terri, it's okay, 'cause we might as well get it out in the open.
Okay, the last thing I remember was, I'd run out in front of the Crazy Horse and I was upset because Danny had gone to fight Colt.
JODY: The sires! was empty, so I went around back in the alley.
The next thing I knew, I was being grabbed and I couldn't see anything, but I felt myself being picked up.
It was like suffocating.
And then I felt woozy and I guess I passed out.
When I woke, I must've been on the spaceship.
And there were these flashing lights all around.
And I couldn't see the people, or the things or whatever they were, very clearly, but I remember there were four of them, and they were tall, very, very tall.
Colt, what do you think? I mean, what do you really think? Well, to tell you the truth, kid, I think too much of Jody to say.
CYNTHIA: Uh, Mr Seavers? Mr Seavers? I'm Cynthia Caldwell.
I'm from the television crew back there.
Oh, I know who you are.
Now, you got quite a circus going for yourself here.
Some people find a circus fun.
- What's your hurry? - My hurry? Well, I would think that you would be interested in what Miss Banks has to say, you being so close and all.
We're interested.
Look, I figure it'll take a while to get Jody alone to have a word with her.
We're willing to wait.
- Do you believe her? Jody's no Liar.
But do you believe this nonsense about a flying saucer? Look, Miss Caldwell, she said that somebody grabbed her and took her up into a ship.
She's not the first person to ever say that.
No, but she may be the first one to be involved while a bank was being robbed.
Hmm.
That's funny, I heard the Martians blew it down and the crowd did the rest.
Even allowing for the money that was burnt, it would have required a parade of wheelbarrows 20 miles long to cart away all that cash.
So you think this whole thing ties in with the bank? Yes, but I don't know how.
What have you got? - Tell her about Luckman.
- Kid who? Miss Caldwell, when I can prove something, we'll let you know.
Until then, we'll all just have to be a little patient.
Colt, if I may call you Colt.
- I am on a deadline.
- And we're not.
It is not my fault that my employers want the answers to all the world's questions by 5:00.
It's not mine that you can't give them the answers.
TERRI: Colt, I'm taking Jody to the hospital.
I think it's the best thing.
- Yeah.
We'll go with you.
- Do you mind if I come along? In a word, yes.
You are not being very cooperative or very nice.
Look, Miss Caldwell, you just keep your camera handy, okay? - What for? - If I'm lucky in a while, I'll let you know.
- What do you mean? - Well, we've all heard Jody's story.
We still gotta find out where it came from.
The doctor says Jody's system shows traces of LSD.
They drugged her? No wonder she thought she saw ETs.
Well, she must have really seen four men.
But, under the influence of LSD, they must've made you think they were aliens.
But who? I mean, why do it to me? It's all part of the scam.
You know all about them scams, don't you, Seavers? Sorry to bother you, Miss Banks, but the Sheriff would like to see Mr Seavers.
- Look, Harris, I don't have time, okay? - Well, I'd make time.
See, this is real official.
COLT: All right.
Sheriff, you mind telling me what you want? Well, why don't you tell me? You recognize this? - Sure, it's my stunt bag.
- Why don't you look inside? I'm sure you recognize what's inside there, too.
Come on, fellas.
We've all seen money.
Gentlemen, step inside here for a minute, please.
Alf, can you identify this currency? Oh, my.
Yes! This was in our bank last night.
I can verify it with the Federal Reserve.
- Mr Styles? - Oh, well, I just picked up that bag a little while ago at the movie camp.
Gee, Colt, I'm sorry I had to go into your trailer.
I don't understand how this spaceship we all saw Alf! Alf! I don't know any more about that than anybody else in this town, but I suppose it's just possible that this Hollywood stuntman here and some of his friends was able to pull the wool over our eyes with some of their tricks.
Come on, Sheriff, I'm the one that's been saying robbery from the beginning.
I'd say that's pretty clever.
But where's the rest of the money? Well, I don't know, Alf, we may never know that.
But there's 250,000 of it right here.
Sheriff, I didn't take this money, but I know who did.
Well, now, you just tell that to the judge.
You're under arrest.
HOWIE: Psst.
Colt! It's about time you guys got here.
TERRI: I thought you were supposed to be the bounty hunter, not the criminal.
Yeah, well, so did I.
What'd you find out? Well, I talked to Sheriff Baker and the local judge.
They're holding you without bail because it's such a big case.
Yeah.
They're having a news conference tomorrow morning with Cynthia Caldwell.
Yeah, they're trying to pin this whole ET thing on you.
It could be worse.
They could want to lynch me.
- Don't worry, that's coming.
- Thanks.
There's only one thing left to do, and that's get me out of here, now! Colt, I just told you, you have to wait for your hearing.
I can't wait for that.
By that time they'll have the frame-up down pat.
- We've got to move now.
- I'LL be right back.
Colt, you can't! Terri, I got no choice.
The real crooks are getting away.
Colt, I hope you know what you're doing! Don't worry, Terri.
Colt knows.
Go! BAKER: Well, no, Cynthia, [can't say that all the facts are in, but, sure as shooting, Colt Seavers is one Hollywood stuntman who's gonna stay in my jail until we get to the bottom of this whole thing.
(EXPLOSION) TERRI: Colt.
Now I know why I get you to do these things.
I'm more nervous than if I was taking the bar exam.
- Terri, we can't stop now.
- I know.
Jody's right.
We know Harris is involved.
We've gotta smoke out the other four men that were with her.
Danny, Luckman and whoever else.
GUARD: Hey! Hold it! Excuse me.
Have you ever seen how a real Hollywood stuntman throws a punch? What? COLT: We're gonna look around until we find what I'm looking for.
It looks like enough is still here to pull this thing off.
And I'm gonna enjoy every minute of it.
(COUNTRY MUSIC PLAYING ON STEREO) We did it! And it pays off three ways.
A mine that's failing, a bank that's in trouble, and a broken-down old lawman that's facing retirement.
Don't forget the federal insurance.
It's just icing on the cake.
Not to mention the kick of seeing Colt Seavers take the rap for the whole thing.
I'm sure you can appreciate my problem, Mr Forester.
For all the big sums involved in making films, men like myself are never very well paid.
Come on, it's the stunt guy that takes it in the neck.
I mean, it's just the big stars and the director that rake in all the money.
Well, you two don't have to worry about that any more.
No, certainly not.
I think it's time we gave our efficient friends their share.
Yes! I think you gentlemen are going to be very happy with this arrangement.
There's $150,000 each to our Hollywood people, and $150,000 to our retiring lawman.
(LAUGHING) Gentlemen, don't forget to report this on your income tax.
Uh.
When are you two going to move out? This seems as good a time as any to move our separate ways.
After all, the town is asleep.
Listen, the Professor and I'll go get all the stuff and then It's back to the movie location.
I'll even be able to take over the stunts tomorrow.
(MUSIC STOPS PLAYING) - Professor, what're you trying to pull? - LUCKMAN: This is impossible! (SPACESHIP APPROACHING) - I thought you dismantled that thing.
- So did I.
(POLICE SIREN WAILING) CYNTHIA: He said it was going to be worth the wait, and it is! Keep going! Get it all! This time you're not getting away.
just hold it right there, mister.
(HELICOPTER WHIRRING) Seavers? Surprised to see me back so soon, Sheriff? BAKER: I don't know, son.
That's the little gang over there that pulled this stunt off the first time.
DANNY: Out of my way! Get out! No! I want him alive! (TIRES SCREECHING) just hold it right there, boys.
Old-timer, huh? COLT: So it's that simple, Sheriff.
Danny Styles, he flew the chopper and was the spaceman.
Professor Luckman rigged the effects.
He used a timer to make the town's lights go on and off.
He gimmicked your car the same way.
It was your Deputy Harris that tipped them off, but he worked for Forester and Gorman.
Well, both the mine and the bank were failing, so they decided to take what they could, while they could.
Yeah.
They didn't care what they did to get it.
They drugged Jody.
Danny hit Colt during the blackout, they staged a space invasion! It's incredible! Jody's being there wasn't planned, but they used it.
Well, how, how'd you know all that? I mean, how'd you suspect it? Oh, just years of movie magic.
(BAKER LAUGHS) Well, listen, I'm sorry about all the trouble I caused you folks, but, next time you get the chance, you come on back here to Pleasance and we'll see how pleasant we can make it for you.
You got a deal.
There you are! Seavers, of all the lame-brained, knuckle-headed stunts you've ever pulled, this takes the cake! I guess that means you missed me? Missed you? Missed you? I should've fired you! Days lost from shooting! Our special effects man locked up! Actually, it's the greatest publicity stunt in the world, Colt.
People will be talking about us from now till the premiere.
Mmm-hmm.
And it's all because of you! Come on, my boy, Cynthia Caldwell wants to talk to you.
She wants to interview you on television.
- Me? - Yes.
- Television? - Yes! - You mean the news? - Yes! - Well, how do I look? -Wonderful! - TERRI: You look very nice.
- How's my hair? - TERRI: It's very nice.
- Good.
Well, I'll need makeup, don't you think? - TERRI: No, no.
- Who's gonna write my dialogue?