The Fall Guy (1981) s02e21 Episode Script

The Chameleon

(FINGERS SNAPPING) COLT: # Well, I'm hot the kind to kiss and tell But I've been seen with Farrah # I've never been with anything less than a nine, so fine! # I've been on fire with Sally Field Gone fast with a girl named Bo # But somehow they just don't end up as mine # It's a death-defying life I lead I take my chances # I die for a livin' in the movies and TV # But the hardest thing I ever do is watch my leading ladies # Kiss some other guy while I'm bandaging my knee # I might fall from a tall building I might roll a brand-new car # 'Cause I'm the unknown stuntman that made Redford such a star (FINGERS SNAPPING) # I've never spent much time in school But I taught ladies plenty # It's true I hire my body out for pay # Hey, hey # I've gotten burned over Cheryl Tiegs Blown up for Raquel Welch # But when I wind up in the hay It's only hay # Hey, hey # I might jump an open drawbridge Or Tarzan from a vine # 'Cause I'm the unknown stuntman that makes Eastwood look so fine # MAN 1: 2:04.
The armored car is on Main Street.
MAN 2: Yeah,just like our old television show.
-"The Chameleon strikes again.
" - Grow up, will you? This is reality.
- The four of us can pull it off.
- Maybe.
Well, here we go.
The armored car is passing Melvin.
- Now, time for Melvin's heart attack.
-2:05, it should happen now.
Call it in, it might be a trap.
It can't be a trap, we haven't made any pickups yet.
He needs help.
- He's having a heart attack.
- Don't leave the cab.
Penner should get there now.
SECURITY GUARD: Thank God, it's a doctor.
Penner should be taking him away.
Well, how do I look? (CHUCKLES) I don't know how you do it.
You haven't lost your touch.
This man's very sick.
I've got to get him to the hospital.
All right, take it easy, Mel.
Take it easy.
We're right on schedule.
Here you go.
You're doing fine.
All right, let's go.
You stand out here.
That's the routine.
Right on time.
Let's go.
Hello.
Yeah.
What do you mean they're going to be a little late? They just left here with a quarter of a million dollars.
Look, call the police.
WOMAN ON RADIO: Attention all units.
Robbery in progress.
Supermarket corner of Central and Main.
This is Rogers, I'm near the location.
I'm on my way.
I'll draw them off.
Get going.
Halt! Halt! Police! He went that way.
Hold it, Father.
I'm afraid you're under arrest, "Father".
DIRECTOR: ON MEGAPHONE'.
Okay, let's get set.
Roll cameras.
Cue Colt! Get ready, Colt! Release the bird! Go for it! Great shot, Colt! The boat's on the way! Why, now, Seavers, that was a truly wunderbar thing you did with that airplane there.
You were the greatest.
Oh, I don't know, I still haven't learned to walk on water.
That's gotta be bad news.
- How do you know? - She's smiling.
Hi, Colt! You must be very excited.
- I know how much you want to take a vacation.
- Not "want to", "going to".
- And I know how much you think you deserve it.
- Not "think", "know".
Colt, you know I wouldn't ask you to give it up for anything.
Except a bail jumper, huh? - Colt, not just any bail jumper, the Chameleon.
- You bailed out a lizard? No, but David Charles can change his appearance faster than one.
TERRI: That's him, that's David Charles, the Chameleon.
- JODY: Which one? The man or the lady? - Both of them.
He's a master of disguise and quick changes.
That's what made The Chameleon the best mystery show on early TV.
Hey, I always wondered what happened to him after that show ended.
He couldn't get arrested, till now.
You know, maybe you ought to think about this, Colt.
The world's greatest hunter tracking his most impossible quarry, a man of a thousand faces.
I mean, consider the challenge.
Kid, my whole life is a challenge.
The only quick change I care about right now is how fast I can get a tan.
Yeah, but how much trouble could he possibly be to us? He's not even a professional criminal.
You know, Colt, Howie's absolutely right.
It'll only take you a few days, tops.
And he's a sweetheart.
Yeah, all I'd have to do is locate him or him, him or him HOWIE: Or her (HOWIE EXCLAIMS) That's unbelievable.
Howie, that's his daughter Fay Charles.
She's a PhD doing some important research at UCLA.
- She's your best lead.
- My lead? Well, Colt, I had this idea.
You see, her research grant has been cut, so she's looking for donors.
I thought you could get close to her by posing as one.
- Terri - And in addition to your $10,000 fee, the insurance company is offering a reward of $25,000.
That will buy you a real vacation.
Daddy, will you stop it? I mean it, Daddy.
No games.
You get the money from Melvin.
All of it.
Fay, you're just like your mother, no trust.
If you don't return all of the money, all four of you are going to wind up in jail.
For a long time.
I just couldn't bear to see it happen.
Fay, scientists don't cry.
Don't you worry, Melvin will do as I say and so will the others.
Everything will get straightened out.
The $240,000 will be returned.
Terri was absolutely right, we fight fire with fire.
You play the big Oklahoma oil man ready to help her out, and I - What am I supposed to be, Colt? - Alert.
- In case I flush out the Chameleon.
- You mean you just want me to wait out here? Kid, we have no choice.
I mean, who else has eyes capable of seeing through any disguise, a nose that can follow any scent? - Weren't neither of them.
- See, who else but you? COLT: This has been quite a tour.
You know, it sounds like your research program could use as much help as a lost puppy dog in a panhandle blizzard.
- Mighty cold out there alone.
- Well, it's appalling.
Some large pharmaceutical companies won't even bother developing cures for certain diseases because they're rare.
- Which means there isn't enough profit in it.
- That's downright callous.
Money's like manure, it's no good unless you spread it around.
- Sorry.
- Don't be.
I could apologize over dinner.
You know it looks good down.
(PHONE RINGING) It gets in the way of my work.
Maybe you work too hard.
That's my phone.
Excuse me, I'll be right back.
HOWIE: Hey, you! Psst.
Colt, I spotted him, the Chameleon, but he got away.
(SHUSHING) Are those the grand budget figures you wanted me to look at? What's going on here? Who are you? Oh, he's just my friend.
He's into snakes and Lizards and things Like that.
I think I know who the snake is around here.
I'm sorry, I have to bring your father back for jumping bail.
And you meant to use me to trap my own father? Well, he did break the law.
- Get out! - What's in that beaker? Bubonic plague.
- Don't do anything rash, we're leaving.
- Yeah, like the wind.
Hello, Uncle Melvin? This is Fay.
WOMAN ON RADIO: Four-Adam-39, some in, please.
Rogers.
The phone tap you asked for at the university lab worked.
A call went out to Melvin Masters, 8745 Grove Street.
HOWIE: I still don't understand why we can't just follow her like anybody else.
She'll be expecting it, she's too smart.
- She'd never spot me.
Among.
Now, you're gonna let her see you, and then let her lose you.
What? Okay, but it's going to be hard for me to be that clumsy and obvious.
Yeah, well, stretch.
I'll be in touch.
There.
Kid.
COLT ON RADIO: Kid.
Howie.
Howie, that's enough.
Let her lose you.
I'm trying, Colt, but she's not cooperating.
Well, do something fast before she has an accident.
She's a terrible driver.
(TRUCK HORN BLARING) She lost me, Colt.
Good work.
A riddle.
What's used, old, torn, but still as good as new, huh? (MELVIN LAUGHING) Money! Here's your share.
-$60,000.
- Mel, it's not enough.
What? What do you mean, "It's not enough"? It's a fourth! I know.
But I want it all.
I'm giving it back.
- Okay, come on in, kid.
We're at 8745 Grove.
- HOWIE: I?! be right there.
(FAY SCREAMS) - Uncle Melvin was murdered! -Where's the killer? - Take care of her.
- Fay, who did it? I don't know.
(EXCLAIMS SOFTLY) Colt, I love my father, and I trust him.
You can't expect me to turn him in.
Look, it's the best way for him to live through this.
Now, if it wasn't your father I chased, it was the real murderer.
He's killed once, he'll kill again.
And now the police are looking for your father as a murderer, too.
But he's not a killer.
He's 58 going on seven.
He loves make-believe, and all those characters and disguises.
But his head's in the clouds even when he was a star.
(SIGHS) He's just a kid at heart.
(PHONE RINGING) Dr Charles.
just a second.
It's Howie.
- Yes, Howie? - Colt, I got the whole thing figured out! You gotta get back here right away! Yeah, it's a little tricky right now.
Look, Colt, this could be it! All right, I'll be there as soon as I can.
You don't trust me, do you? - Should I? - Yes.
More than anything in the world I want my father safe.
- You should leave it down.
- Go on.
We both have work to do.
- I'll call you if something breaks.
- Okay.
WOMAN ON RADIO: We have more information on that [ab phone tap.
Two calls, both to New York City.
They were to Al Hester, 555-6100, and Norman Penner, 555-2818.
Starring David Charles, right? Written by Melvin Masters.
Produced by Norman Penner.
Directed by Alan Hester.
Good, you can read.
Don't you see, Colt? These guys make up a whole crime unit.
They did the original Chameleon shows.
They must've planned hundreds of capers like this.
Probably got tired of film and decided to try their show out live.
Wait a minute.
Let me show you this! They all served in Armed Forces Radio together during the war.
They went through hell together.
They even saved each other's lives in battle.
Everything.
- Kid, there's no question that - I called the TV Academy, and I found out that Hester and Penner are still living in New York where the show was originally done.
I'll bet you residuals to doughnuts those guys'll lead us to Charles and - Kid.
It is.
-if that's not enough Let me show you this.
It is? - You mean you buy it? - I did five minutes ago.
- I'm sorry, Dr Charles isn't here.
- Do you know where I can reach her? No.
She has an emergency in New York.
- She's leaving on the 2:00 plane.
- Thanks.
You're over there.
Okay.
- Pardon me, is this seat taken? - What are you doing here? Going to New York with you.
WOMAN ON PA".
Ladies and gentlemen, will you please You must have forgot to call us.
Better buckle up.
We wouldn't want to lose you.
We hope you have a pleasant flight, and thank you for flying with us.
FAY: What happens when we get to New York? With or without your help, I'm gonna find your father, Hester, and Penner.
How'd you know about them? The important thing is, why didn't you tell me? - Sir, the other one's vacant.
- I'm waiting for this one.
I wanna help you.
You've gotta believe me.
I would, if you weren't trying to help your father more.
Why don't you just do us a favor and level with me, huh? All right.
I'm going after him.
- Do you know where he went? - I think so.
To see two of his ex-partners, Norman Penner and Al Hester.
I tried calling but I couldn't reach either one of them.
- Think you can tonight after we land? - I know where Hester works.
Good.
Then Howie'll stake out Penner's place.
You and I'll go visit Hester together.
- You looking at me? - Not at ya, pal, through ya! - You can tell? - Nothing gets past these eyes.
I should've known it wouldn't work.
The real me.
I'm meeting a computer date.
You see, I didn't want to disappoint her, so I put this on.
Computer date? Well, I'm sure she'll never notice.
Hey, I'm an expert, you almost fooled me.
STEWARDESS: Sir.
- The other lavatory is free again.
- Thank you.
COLT: Howie, we'll drop you off at Penner's.
Fay and I'll look for Hester.
FAY: Well, he works on this street somewhere.
It's been years since I've been to New York.
There! I just saw him go in the bar on the corner! Pull up! Stay here and I'll bring him out.
DRIVER: Hey, lady, wait a minute! What am I supposed to do? Wait here! Fay! Hi, darling! Uncle Al, have you seen Daddy? Well, he was here a while ago.
He picked up my share of the money and left.
- Do you know where he went? - Mr Hester.
You'll excuse me.
Let's go find the money, Mr Hester.
What is this? Quick! Run, Fay! He's the one that killed Melvin! Fay, run! Give me any trouble and you'll wind up on the floor with him.
- Let's get going! Follow that Mercedes.
- Where to? - In this traffic? - Now, come on! A girl's life is in danger.
That's New York.
- Call the police! - Are you kidding? It would take a half-hour to get through.
All I can do is talk to other cabs and my dispatcher.
What're you gonna do with me? I'm gonna work out a little trade with your father.
- You'll never get away with it.
- Yeah? What are you gonna do? Call the police? Listen, I'm a bounty hunter.
There's a $25,000 reward at stake.
Half of it goes to you and your friends if you can help me bottle up that blue Mercedes.
No bull? Hey guys, this is Frankie Delaney.
Listen close.
This is the big one.
I'm following a blue Mercedes traveling south on Broadway, passing 51st Street.
You drive.
Listen, a girl's life is at stake, and she's hostage in the car.
So any cab driver who can hear me, there's 12,500.
.
Hell, there's a full $25,000 reward for you guys to split for every cab that helps to box in the blue Mercedes heading for Times Square.
Now we're just passing 51st.
It's urgent, guys.
We really need your help.
We're at 49th.
Times Square's coming up fast.
We've got a good chance to corner them in the Square.
Close in.
Are you all right? Well, he did it again! Taxi! (SHIP HORN BLOWING) How can I ever thank you? By more lies, I suppose.
- Colt, how in the world did you get all those cabs? - For $25,000.
You did that? To save me? No, to catch him.
(EXCLAIMS) This is his gun.
If he did kill Melvin, it might be the proof we need.
- Colt, I'm really sorry.
- Fay, I really don't care.
HESTER: A pastrami sandwich, with lots of mustard.
WOMAN ON PA: Dr Franklin, Paediatrics, 57357.
Dr Franklin, Paediatrics, 51367.
- You can see Mr Hester now.
- How is he? He pinched me, I guess that's a good sign.
Fay, I'm warning you, there better not be any more games.
- Now your father's life is on the line - And your fee.
When we go in there, you're gonna help me find out where your father is.
And if I don't? Then the killer will find him first.
You take your pick.
Are you feeling bad, Uncle Al? You remember those chicken salad sandwiches at Manny's Delicatessen? Well, this is worse.
(FAY CHUCKLES) The doctor said your wound isn't serious.
You were lucky.
- Lucky? You call a hole in my leg lucky? - He's trying to help us, Al.
I've got to find Norman Penner and David Charles.
No way! No way will I betray my friends.
If the killer gets to them first, they may not be as lucky as you.
- What do you think, Fay, honey? - Help him.
I want to find Daddy.
All right.
What do you want to hear? Do you have any idea where Norman is? How long is a bar bill? How many hot spots are there in The Naked City? - You mean he likes girls? - He's a producer.
- And fancy restaurants? - I just told you, he's a producer.
You know what they do, they spend money! Probably on the spree of his life.
My guess is that he'll start at Sardi's, then 21, the horses.
- You're a tracker.
You take it from there.
- Thanks, Al.
And feel better, huh? I will, until they bring lunch.
(EXCLAIMS IN DISGUST) Thanks.
Well, they swallowed the line about Norman.
Good, he's probably in an all-day poker game somewhere.
David, isn't it risky for Fay with a killer on the loose? That's why I want her in all the wrong places.
She'll be safe with that Colt fellow until I find Norman myself.
- Father knows best.
- Please, never mention the competition.
Pull over up here.
Now this time I want you to wait here.
It's beginning to look like one dead end after another.
No luck again? What's the matter? (SIGHS) Now what are you suspicious about? It's not my fault.
I'm doing the best I can.
- Look, I know what you're thinking.
- Good, but don't say it aloud.
Our driver is young.
Now, let's get to a phone and call Howie.
Maybe Penner's shown up.
(PHONE RINGING) Howie, what's happening? Have you seen Penner? No.
No sign of him yet.
What's happening on your end? - I don't know, it looks like a wild-goose chase.
- Colt, don't trust her.
Thanks for the tip.
COLT: I don't think you're telling me the whole story.
FAY: Colt, I'm sorry.
I'll write it on the blackboard 500 times.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry! - Now can we get past it? - When I hear all the truth.
You have heard all the truth.
All that matters, anyway.
Tell me the part that doesn't matter.
You are the most obdurate, abstruse, patho-paranoidal man I have ever met! You really know how to tell off a guy.
My father was part of the robbery.
But when I found out about it, I told him I wouldn't take the money.
- You wouldn't take it? - He only did it for me.
My research grants had been cut.
It meant a lot to him.
My mother died of the disease.
Daddy felt so helpless.
He's always been a doer.
Suddenly there wasn't anything he could do.
So he used his old team to cook up this robbery? I think the others were just part of it to prove that they could still do it.
I know Daddy only wanted to get the $60,000 for my research.
All he's trying to do now is get all the money together so he can give it back.
Now, you can believe me or not.
I don't care.
- I don't Like whims.
- Whim? I've wanted to do that from the first time I saw you.
We're here.
Colt, it's him! - Colt, oh, you're hurt! - Only my feelings.
Here, let's go back to the hotel.
Oh, I can help you better there.
That's a good idea.
- Hold it right there! - Get away from me, will ya? - I know that's a disguise.
-Would you beat it? Not this time.
We're going to jail.
Come on! - Come on.
- Hey! Wait a minute! I'm a bounty hunter.
I have a fugitive arrest warrant.
I'm staking out that building over there.
So was the NYPD until you blew it.
Are you looking for Norman Penner from the LA robbery? No.
Believe it or not, New York City has crime, too, you know? Let's go.
(PHONE RINGING) Hello? Yes, he's here.
Hello? Howie? Well, how did it happen? Right.
I'll be right there.
Howie got arrested for jumping an undercover cop.
I better see about getting him out.
Don't move.
I'll be right back.
(PHONE RINGING) - Hello? - Fay, it's Al.
Hello, Uncle Al.
Go ahead.
He's just lonely.
- Anything wrong? - Plenty! I just heard from Norman.
He found out about Melvin and he panicked.
He's gone into hiding.
But he left the money at the old studio.
He can get in through the alley door.
- He left it unlocked.
Make sure you tell him.
- Yeah.
[will.
- Fay, is that stunt fella still around? - Yes.
Not a word to him.
It would ruin everything your father's trying to do.
- He can be trusted.
- It's not a matter of trust.
It's leverage.
If David has all the money together to give back, he can talk a deal.
But, if anyone else gets his hands on that money, we'll all go to jail.
You understand? - Yeah, I guess so.
- Don't guess.
Be sure.
It's jail! -Wrong one to prison.
- Did you say prison? Watch my lips, Mr Charles, prison.
- How did you know? - The smell of grease paint gave you away.
Go! - Let's go! - Fay's not in her room.
- Do you know where she is? - No, but I got what I was after.
- Please.
You've got to believe me.
- Come on! I fell for that four times already! But we can't just walk out on her.
She's in terrible danger.
The killer must be following her.
- Now, did she talk to anyone before you left? - Al Hester.
He has to know where she is.
We'd better call Al and find out what he said to her.
(GASPS) Hi! - I got a gun.
- I know you do.
I got another one.
They're very available.
Look, I really love chatting with you, but I got an awful lot of things on my mind.
Now, where's the money? Why should I tell you? You'd just kill me like you killed Melvin.
No, no, that was an accident.
He went a little crazy and tried to protect the others.
- That's a good reason to kill him? - He grabbed for my gun and it went off.
- I don't believe you.
- Look, you're a very smart lady.
Now, who needs a trail of corpses now? All I want is the money and when I get it, you'll never hear of me or see me again.
DAVID: I'll never forgive myself if anything happens to Fay.
- Well, you shouldn't have made her a part of it.
- I didn't intend to.
She found out.
Couldn't believe what I'd done.
It's hard to see your childhood idol tarnished.
Well, I was trying to be like the show, helping people in need.
The Chameleon never broke the law.
- Who thought up the robbery? Melvin? - How did you know? Well, he was the writer.
Except this time somebody did a rewrite.
It's just not safe for a young woman to walk around New York with all this money.
You'd better wait here.
It could be dangerous.
FAY: Do you really think you're going to get away with this? ROGERS: Of course.
It's the perfect crime, isn't it? And I am an expert.
And soon a very, very rich one.
- COLT: Be careful, he may have a gun.
- You have it figured out, haven't you? You circle around and get ready.
I'll distract him.
How? I've got an idea.
Stall him.
-60,000.
- Are you going to keep your word and let me go? Certainly, as soon as I get the other 180,000.
- I don't know where it is! - I know, but your father does.
- And I need you to help me find him.
- COLT: Let her go! Come out of there or she buys the next one! - Oh, I've been looking forward to this.
- You've got the wrong one.
- Colt! Who's over there? - Your father.
Duck! It's a prop! Dad, are you all right? Just a bump.
Good work, Mr Charles.
Remind me to ask for your autograph.
"And so ends another episode of The Chameleon.
" Oh, poor Colt.
Only two days left for a vacation.
And all that reward money you had to give up, $25,000! - Be quiet, Jody.
- I'm being sympathetic.
You're being depressing.
Well, that's the first time I bailed someone out twice in one week.
At least you know I won't be running this time.
It looks like probation for all of us.
So everything turned out fine.
Oh, except for your grant.
That reminds me, a producer called.
All that publicity helped.
Said he wanted to do a new version of The Chameleon.
He said he'd give an option for $60,000.
- Well, that's the exact amount of my grant! - That's quite a coincidence.
Colt.
How can I ever repay you? Well, I'm gonna be going to Palm Springs for two days You sure that's enough time? I owe you a lot.
(BANGING) Telegram for Mr Seavers.
Thanks, Howie.
You recognized me.