The Goldbergs s06e21 Episode Script

I Lost on Jeopardy

1 The '80s was the golden age of the game show.
From the big money prizes to the cheesy hosts, my family was obsessed.
My dad's favorite was "Family Feud," because he delighted in watching other families with dumbass kids.
[Buzzer] Hoo-hoo! Feels good knowing this dad's got kids that are bigger morons than mine! My mom loved "Wheel of Fortune," 'cause Vanna White was her idol.
- I gotta start wearing more evening gowns.
- Please don't.
Since Erica was a closet nerd, she loved herself some "Jeopardy!" What is polyester?! What is Dijon, France?! Who is Amerigo Vespucci?! What a bunch of jamokes.
As for me, I was obsessed with "Press Your Luck," mostly because a cartoon Whammy Stop! would pop up and rob you of your cash and prizes.
And like any game show geek, I became obsessed with trying to figure out a way to beat the game.
It's after midnight! What are you still doing up? I cracked the Whammy code! There is no Whammy code.
Look! The board is a numbered graph.
Tiles four and eight never Whammy! Listen to me, you didn't crack the code 'cause there isn't one.
- Or is there? - No.
And in game-show news, Michael Larson of Ohio cracked the code on "Press Your Luck" and won over $100,000.
Yep, he cracked the code.
My God, man! You know what you cost us?! A mahogany bedroom set and wicker patio furniture.
Damn it! Why do I discourage my children?! And a state-of-the-art Sanyo hi-fi stereo system! Hi-fi?! That's the best kind of fi there is! And a wildly impractical home sauna! I have no room for it, but it's my dream! Plus a trip to Orlando, Florida, where you can ride the movies! What have I done?! No! Gah! I'm twisted up inside But nonetheless, I feel the need to say I don't know the future But the past keeps getting clearer every day It was April 10th, 1980-something, and Barry was training for Color Day Go, go, go, go! an end of the year school-wide event - that pitted yellow versus blue.
- Okay, come on! - Yes! - Yes! Go, blue! - Oh, man.
- The dizzy bat race is the most physically challenging and humiliating of all Color Day events.
That's why the ancient Greeks dropped it from the Olympics.
That's a cold, hard fact.
I heard that on George Michael's "Sports Machine.
" Well, don't worry, step aside and let Big Tasty deliver a win for blue.
JTP! - JTP! - JTP! JTP! No! No! No, Matt Bradley, you can no longer utter those sacred letters 'cause you're a lousy yellow.
Yeah, that's the color of our enemy and Big Bird.
Yellow sucks.
I hate you this week! Come on, guys.
The teams are selected randomly by birth month.
There was nothing I could do! We hear you.
Also, screw you! Aah! I come in peace! We have no choice! This hurts me, too! Stop! Why?! - You know why! - Aah! Yep.
Barry had his eyes on the prize.
But someone else had their eyes on him.
- Hey, Barry.
- Hey, you! You know how, like, it's the last week of school and we're never gonna see each other again, so you just take a huge, scary risk you'd normally never do? Is this going somewhere? Guess it's now or never.
Either way is fine since I have no idea what's going on.
Just wanted to let you know that, over the last four years, I've had a crush on you, or whatever.
Oh.
Wow.
Well, thank you, lady person.
Oh, no.
- You have no idea who I am.
- Of course I do! - I'm Kim.
- Kim.
- I sat behind you in bio class - You sat behind me in classics and I gave you my pen after yours leaked and I took a leak on your shirt - all over your shirt, and then you punched - and munched - that really expensive microscope.
- the pensive microphone.
[Gasps] Well, this has been brutal, so, bye! No, no, wait! I'm flattered.
Turns out Kim was around for every major moment in Barry's life, cheering on his victories Hyah! You kick ass, Big Tasty! Whoo! See if you understand this, I'm dumping you.
sharing his heartbreaks.
Stay strong, Bar.
I'm sure another girl could ask you to the Sadie Hawkins Dance, someone with courage.
She was even there for the weirder moments.
"O Captain! my Captain!" He stood on his desk! - "O Captain! my Captain!" - Should I stand? "O Captain! my Captain!" Uhp, moment's over.
Well, it was fun watching your amazing life unfold over these last four years.
- Amazing? Me? - For sure.
- See you in bio class.
- Definitely.
Catch you later, Kimothy.
Uh, you think "Kim" is short for "Kimothy"? I'm certain of it.
[Chuckles] You're so weird.
[Both chuckle] Holy crap, Bar.
A totally hot babe just confessed she likes you.
Dude, what perfect timing, 'cause you're finally over Lainey.
Uh-huh.
Totally over the love of my life.
Then go ask the girl out! I dig her.
We do Model UN together, and she's always fired up and yelling about some injustice in the world.
Fired up and yelling? She's just like you, but pretty and a girl.
Take another shot at love, buddy! No one wants your stupid yellow support, yellow Matt Bradley! - I'm here for you! - Get him! While my brother was clearly not over Lainey, my dad was over the moon with some exciting news.
Bevy! Happy anniversary! Oh, you remembered, even though it's the wrong day and month.
No, not that thing.
One year ago today, we agreed to let Erica live at home to follow her dreams.
Well, the year is up.
Girl's gotta go! Are you that excited to toss away our sweet baby girl like some old, broken lawn chair? Yes.
It's time I crowbar'd that girl's butt off the couch and shipped her back off to college where she can get her life back together.
Trust me, the only way to motivate Erica is to really show her how smart and strong she is.
Mama's got this.
Like always, our smother knew exactly how to motivate Erica.
- What is Sergeant John Basilone?! - Wh Hey! We're watching Trebek.
Forget Trebek, there's something you need to see that's far more important.
She'd remind her of the days Erica was a frizzy-haired brainiac with endless potential.
[Applause] My 7th Grade Quiz Bowl? Why? Just watch.
That's so easy.
The answer's obviously Madagascar.
Obviously.
Pumpkin, take a good look at that TV and tell me what you see.
A girl who cries herself to sleep at night thinking of Joey McIntyre.
I see limitless potential.
Confidence.
- [Laughs] We won! - A winner with the whole world at her fingertips.
It's true, babe.
That was the day I first fell for you.
And the day I realized I'm allergic to most types of cotton.
You are a winner, Erica, and you just got to go out there and win again! You know what? You're right.
I've watched "Jeopardy!" long enough.
It's time to take charge and really win.
Gaaah! That's my girl.
[Chuckles] Thank you for always being there for me.
Always.
The only way to learn to fly is to be pushed out of the nest and then have Mama carry you all the way down.
Oh, my God.
Did your mom just convince you to Try out for "Jeopardy!"? You bet your cute little tush she did! I'm pretty sure she meant college, but I'm just psyched you think I have a cute tush.
And it looks like Bar aced his bio final! [Barry gasps] Boom! You really have a gift for science, pal.
You also have something all over your face.
Oh, damn it! Why does this always happen? My theory is you were aggressively chewing on your pen for the last hour.
Thanks, Kim.
You got my name right.
- Yeah.
- So, how long you been in this class? All year.
We just took our final.
Yeah.
Interesting.
Speaking of, I heard Katman say you aced yours.
It's why I want to be a doctor.
Or a rap star.
Either way, "doctor" will be in my name.
What about you? Well, I love helping people.
I love kids.
So, I don't know, maybe be a teacher.
Boom! Looks like this one meets your high standards, Bar.
[Chuckles] Yeah.
Listen, since I've already embarrassed myself once today, - maybe you want to see a movie? - Alone? I love spy films, and there's this new one called "No Way Out.
" I guess there's no way out of that offer.
Boom! So see you tonight? Yeah.
[School bell rings] Just as Barry was about to let love in, Kim showed her true colors.
The girl is a yellow?! Kim's a honey trap.
She's working for the yellow team to compromise the blue team's strongest, most handsome asset.
- You really think so? - The girl invited me to a movie about spies.
How much more obvious could a spy be?! That makes perfect sense.
Matt: Or maybe Kim's a genuine, sincere person who really likes you! Nice try, closet Matt Bradley! All I'm saying is maybe you don't want to go out with Kim 'cause your heart still beats for Lainey.
Your yellow opinions are not welcome in this blue house.
Blue JTP minus Matt Bradley! - Blue JTP minus Matt Bradley! - Blue JTP minus Matt Bradley! Whoo! Aah! I hate Color Day! Boopie, it's almost dinner.
Can you clean all this up? Sorry.
I needed the space to sort out all my applications.
Applications? Did someone say "applications"?! Please tell me you're filling out applications! I really am.
And it's all thanks to Mom.
Oh! Your dumb idea worked! Look at you! Say the words, Murray.
Say, "Mama fixed it.
" I'll say anything you want because my baby's applying to "Tic-Tac-Dough.
" What the [bleep] is this? Don't worry.
"Tic-Tac-Dough" is just my safety show.
My dream is to get accepted into "Jeopardy!" That's what this is about game shows? Mom reminded me of the smart, confident girl I used to be, which is why I'm applying to all the top game shows in the country.
Game shows?! Sadly, I got wait-listed for "Win, Lose or Draw," but "Wheel of Fortune" has rolling admissions.
Game shows.
I'm sorry, this is your plan? Well, I'm weighing my options.
I know it'll be cheaper if I go to "Finders Keepers," which shoots in Philly.
But I always envisioned myself going out of state.
Game shows, Bevy! Game shows! At the very least, I can go to "Let's Make a Deal.
" Anyone with a costume can get in there.
Although, their program won't really challenge me like "Jeopardy!" - Wish me luck.
- Mwah! Game shows?! Just calm down.
Trust me.
Erica will find that college is the only answer when she can't get on to any of these silly shows.
You mean game shows? Stop saying "game shows.
" It's fine.
Mama will fix this.
Oh, my God, oh, my God, oh, my God! "Jeopardy!" just called, and they want me to come in for an interview! Yeah, Mama didn't fix it.
Erica had been accepted into the prestigious "Jeopardy!" tryouts, and she was taking the opportunity very seriously.
[Bell dings] What is a Frisbee?! - What is a Frisbee? - Right.
Beat ya, Larry.
[Crunching] Hey, I'm in training here! Don't care.
This ends now.
Welcome to Dad fixing your life.
Hello? Did you not hear about my super-well-thought-out game-show plan? Well, here's my plan.
Step one, get off your butt.
Step two, go to college.
Plan over.
Fixed.
Murray, I told you not to mix in.
I'm handling it.
There you go, Mom.
Control your man.
Please just do step one! Get off my couch! I think what Daddy's trying to say is, um, maybe "Jeopardy!" isn't actually doing something with your life.
Duh.
I know I can't only live off winning "Jeopardy!" That's why I have a whole plan worked out.
[Chuckling] Oh, thank you, Lord! She has a plan, Murray! What is your plan? Tell us your plan.
[Chuckles] Your firstborn baby is going to be a professional game-show contestant.
Professional what now? Starting now, I'm gonna do game shows full time.
That's not a plan, Erica! Whoa! Where is this coming from? This whole thing was your idea.
When I called you my little genius, I meant go to college.
Oh, so it's like that, huh? It's not "like that", It is that.
Well, you know what? When I win on "Price is Right," I'm not sharing any of my cash or prizes from the Showcase Showdown.
And you know what else? I'm gonna go on "Family Feud" all by myself.
Oh, please! We all know you need us for that game.
I'll just tell them I'm an orphan and win it all on my own.
- Don't you dare! - I got it.
If you go on "Family Feud" without your beloved family, then that is the ultimate betrayal! - Do not cry.
- Oh, it's happening.
And when I get my creepy kiss from Richard Dawson, you will be nowhere in sight! She's threatening to go on "Family Feud" by herself! She's gone too far.
You and I are upset about different things.
As my parents went to war with their game-show-loving daughter, Barry was still convinced Kim was a secret Color Day spy.
Uh, Kim? - Yeah? - Hello.
I have some unfortunate news regarding your forthcoming movie date with Barry Goldberg.
Oh, no.
Is he not coming? The answers to your questions are all in this secret message he asked me to smuggle to you somewhere inside of myself.
But, yeah, I didn't do that, so here.
"Dear Kim, Clearly your interest in me is a mere ploy to keep me from leading the blue team to Color Day victory.
Your sinister plan has failed.
Eat blue farts, witch.
" - Is this a joke? - Sadly, it's more of a blunt rejection contained in a wildly paranoid and hostile letter.
"Yellow is only good for one thing, being on bananas.
Ha ha ha.
You suck.
Fondly, Barry.
" If you wouldn't mind, I'm gonna need the note back.
Barry insisted that I eat it.
This is all about Color Day? [Voice breaking] I don't even care about that stuff.
You know what? Just go ahead and throw the note away at your convenience.
Trust me, bro.
I don't think Kim's a spy.
Of course she is.
When she read your note, she immediately had tears of sadness and rage.
Ugh, right.
That Kim's a tough cookie.
But I literally eat cookies for breakfast.
Um, Bar, it's pretty clear you're just pushing Kim away with crazy conspiracies 'cause you're still not over Lainey.
Stop trying to get inside my head, mortal enemy Matt Bradley! Just go back to eating lunch with your yellow best friends.
They're not my best friends.
They're sixth graders.
Dude, Matt's right.
This girl's into you.
Oh, man.
How'd I not see this? You're working for them, too! What?! Come on! Matt Bradley got to you.
You're a double-agent mole sent here to make sure we lose Color Day.
Have you ever known me to care about an athletic competition at any time? Maybe you've been faking a dislike of sports your whole life, knowing this moment would come! Maybe you're the greatest athlete this school has ever seen! Look at my lazy eye, dude! I have no depth perception! None! Or do you? [Groans] I'm pretty sure he's not athletic in any way, dude.
Oh, no.
They got to Naked Rob, too! You're spinning out, pal.
Ohh! Blue forever! While Barry's sanity was in jeopardy, Erica was acing her tryout.
["Think!" plays] Final Jeopardy! Boom! Nailed it! Erica was only a single interview away from her game-show dreams.
Big congrats on making it this far.
Now we just need to get to know you a bit better.
So, tell me what you've been up to in the last year.
Me? Oh, man.
[Chuckles] So much stuff.
Okay.
Care to elaborate on the stuff? As of late, I have been trying out for "Jeopardy!" Trying out for "Jeopardy!" can't really be a talking point for someone trying out for "Jeopardy!" Very fair.
The last lady I interviewed she's an ornithologist, and she makes her own lavender soap.
Ooh, I use soap.
Big soap gal right here.
Well, we already got a soap gal, and she doesn't just use it, she makes it.
- You get me? - God, yes, I get you.
Look, I dropped out of school so that I could follow my dreams.
And then it was, like, super hard.
And now I have no job and no degree and no prospects.
I had to borrow this suit from my mom.
And you know how I said I use soap? At best, I shower twice a week, 'cause it's like, what's the point?! Just, please, you got to put me on "Jeopardy!" bro.
I'd say maybe try "Tic-Tac-Dough.
" - What's this? - A message from Barry.
It's written in code, but the code is wrong.
Just meet him in the gym.
Leave it dark.
No one on the blue team can ever see me consorting with the enemy.
Okey-dokey.
[Chuckles] I've summoned you here today to seek your wisdom.
Oh.
Seriously? Look, I know I give you a lot of guff and always call you "Unbearable Matt Bradley," 'cause that's just me being a good leader.
But truth is, you're the smartest, kindest, most thoughtful guy I know.
[Chuckles] Stop, bro.
You know how I get with this stuff.
I mean it! If anything, I say mean things to you 'cause [Voice breaking] I love you, Matt Bradley.
Dude, don't.
I love how smart you are.
How caring and [sniffles] wonderful you are.
[Sighs] Oh.
This is too much.
I love your hair and your confidence and how you wear sandals and don't care who sees your little toes.
I mean, they're just feet, you know? Everyone's got 'em.
Which is why I need you to tell me will I ever get over Lainey? I know losing Lainey broke your heart, but that doesn't mean your heart won't heal.
- You think? - I know.
But what if I blew it with this Kim girl? What if I'm, like, supposed to marry her or something? If it's meant to be, it'll happen.
Promise.
With that, Barry stopped being afraid and decided to take a chance.
Hey.
I know I'm not supposed to be over here, but a great friend of mine made me realize I made a mistake.
And I'm sorry.
Aww.
Well, it's too little, too late now, sucka! And I cannot wait to watch you cry ugly blue tears as I dance on your dizzy blue body! Since when?! Adam said you don't care about Color Day! You do! Now beat it, Barrithy.
That is your name, right? It most certainly is not! Uh, yeah, this took a weird turn.
You should probably just go.
Oh, I'll go! Straight to blue victory! Yellow sucks! Color Day was upon us.
The long-standing rivalry between yellow and blue pitted friend against friend, brother against brother, even boyfriend against girlfriend.
Psst, boy nerd! Sneak this note to my boyfriend, Dave Kim.
- Ohh.
- It's so hot and forbidden.
With that blue win, it comes down to the senior class dizzy bat race.
Ready set spin! [Starter pistol fires] - You got the touch - It was a deadlocked tie, and it all came down to the senior class event.
As fate would have it, my brother was pitted against his mortal Color Day enemy.
Yeah! [Cheers and applause] But Barry was no match for Kim.
Her spite and rage made her unbeatable but also very dizzy.
[Grunts] Ohh! Oh, she's down! Go, go, go! In that moment, Barry was guaranteed victory.
Ow.
Ow.
Ow.
- Come on, man! No mercy! - What are you doing, man?! But he decided to win a whole different way.
Dude, no! What is he doing?! [Peter Gabriel's "Solsbury Hill" plays] It was a moment that would go down in William Penn history, but not because Barry took the easy win.
And it's a tie! I love this Quaker school! [Cheers and applause] Color Day may have started by dividing us but in the end, it brought us all together.
of watching Barry's adventures from afar, Kim was finally part of one.
And it was awesome.
Yes! [Laughing] Yes! Adult Adam: As for Erica, she lost something way bigger than a shot at "Jeopardy!" She lost hope.
Hey, Schmoo.
Hey.
So I guess this means you lost on "Jeopardy!"? Yeah.
Dad was right.
You gave me a year to prove I could be someone, and all I proved was I'm a mess.
Do you think I wasn't a mess when I was your age? The good news is you eventually grow up.
Well, I hate who I'm growing into.
I mean, I'm angry and selfish and very bossy.
Honestly, I don't know why Geoff puts up with me.
'Cause he loves you, just like we do.
[Voice breaking] Well, I don't love me.
No, don't say that.
It's true.
Just look at me back then.
I was happy.
I was me.
And then I spent years shedding everything about that girl trying to prove I was cool, desperate to be a rock star.
That girl is still you, Erica.
And I still believe she can do anything.
This was a bad year, Mom.
"Grab your things, I've come to take you home" I know, Boopie.
Sometimes it takes a big fall before you know where you stand.
But even though my sister was leaving behind her rock-star dreams, it didn't mean she wouldn't find new ones.
[Switch clicks] Bad time? Oh, wow.
Hi.
Is everything okay? Actually, yeah.
Do you still have all those college catalogs? For what? For me.
Oh, my God, Erica.
That's amazing! Just stop.
It's not a sure thing, and I'm not even telling my parents.
Just me? It's always been just you.
Always.
Hey, I got you a Color Day ice for your swollen ankle.
Thanks! So, why did you help me? I mean, you could've won it all and been a school-wide hero.
Yeah, well, I've spent the last four years trying to impress everyone here, but I'd much rather leave this place knowing you don't think I'm a total jerk.
Mm.
Still on the fence.
Maybe I can make my decision after we finally see that movie? I just don't think it's the right time.
I still got to sort some stuff out.
Still glad I said something.
Me too.
And who knows? Maybe our paths will cross again.
You think? I got a good feeling, Kimothy.
You up for a funnel cake? It's a date.
Hop on.
It's funny how the people who have the biggest impact on our lives show up at the strangest moments.
In the twisty journey of life, you never know who will end up carrying you through.
[Indistinct shouting] [Ding!] Gah! Chill, bro.
Oh.
It's me, Dave Kim.
I'm the new mascot.
Since when, Dave Kim? Since me.
My girlfriend's super into it.
I got a thing for older men with giant heads.
I can't feel anything, but I feel something great is happening.