The Golden Palace (1992) s01e11 Episode Script

Camp Town Races Aren't Nearly as Much Fun as They Used to Be

1 ooh-o-ooh-ooh thank you for bein' a friend travel down the road and back again your heart is true you're a pal and a confidante and if you threw a party invited everyone you knew you would see the biggest gift would be from me and the card attached would say thank you for bein' a friend hank you for bein' a friend thank you for bein' a friend thank you for bein' a friend witt/thomas/harris productions, cbs television network, And 1992 nci caption club/ grantsmanship O.
K.
O.
K.
You guys ready? Say goodbye.
[high voice] oh, no! Please! Now, chuy, remember, Everything's got to be just right today.
A very important group is checking in-- The daughters of the traditional south.
And I want dinner to be perfect.
What do you want me to do, Cook a possum or somethin'? Chuy, this means a lot to me.
I took care of the rooms for your southern belles.
I put a mint on every pillow.
Sophia, you put a feenamint on every pillow.
Oh, I guess that around 2 a.
M.
, The south will rise again.
Hi, oliver.
Did you finish your homework? Are we doing this every day? I finished my science.
I'll do my math later.
Maybe I'd better look at your science.
Fine.
It's on the electromagnetic pull Of astral black holes And their effect on ultraviolet rays.
Uh-huh.
Well, this looks fine.
Hi.
Uh, reservation for smith.
Would you sign here, please? Blanche, do you see that couple over there? Don't look.
What about them? Come on.
Don't tell me you don't see.
Don't look! What about them, rose? He told me his name was smith, And I know it isn't.
Do you know what that means? Yeah.
That room's going to be available again In a couple of hours.
Here you go, mr.
Smith.
Room 207.
Why did you do that, blanche? I worked with that man's wife.
I've seen him at christmas parties.
Oh, thank god he didn't recognize me Without my elf costume.
Aren't you glad we decided You shouldn't wear your elf costume here? There was nothing to decide.
Didn't make sense to wear it After you cut the bells off.
The point is, There is sin going on in our hotel.
Rose, I'm sorry, but that's one glass house I really don't feel qualified To throw stones at.
But it's wrong.
What's wrong? Oh, rose is in a snit Because some guy is shacked up in 207.
I know his wife.
It's wrong.
Wait a minute, rose.
We're in the hotel business.
It's not up to us To judge the people staying in the hotel.
Daughters of the traditional south? Those bigots in bonnets Aren't staying in this hotel.
Roland, there is nothing wrong With the daughters of the traditional south.
When they put those sheets over their heads, It's some kind of salute To casper the friendly ghost.
Oh, when is that? Roland, this is not that kind of organization.
Are you telling me You really don't see who these women are? I see 10 rooms in our hotel Rented for three nights At a time when we desperately need the business.
You are overreacting.
This is just a bunch of harmless ladies Who like to wear white gloves and have tea.
And as you said, It's not our business To pass judgment on our guests.
We're here to make people feel welcome.
Fine.
Where are you going? To get my jockey suit and lantern.
I'll stand on the lawn, make them feel at home.
Well, this just doesn't seem fair.
Rose.
How come he gets to dress up And I don't? Rose, take table 5.
Oh, no.
Not them.
Do you know what they're doing here? I have a pretty good idea.
I haven't seen drooling like that Since they sat me At the zombie table at shady pines.
Good evening, sir.
And how is your wife tonight? Uh, fine, thank you.
What will you have? Gee, I'm not sure yet.
Honey, should we have some wine while we decide? Sure.
What do you suggest? I have a lovely chardonnay that might be nice Before you burn in hell For the rest of your lives.
Rose, honey, as a general rule, Don't damn the guests.
I'm sorry, But this is a very personal matter to me.
I've seen this all before.
Let me tell you a little story About a couple I knew back in st.
Olaf.
He was strong, and she was docile, Almost contented, you might say.
They were married in a pasture Where they used to graze.
It was a lovely wedding-- Wait, wait, wait.
Graze? Oh, yes.
They were cows.
But anyway A few moments after the ceremony ended, When they were leading the bride to the barn To cut her out of her dress, The unspeakable happened.
The unspeakable? Yes.
Yes, another cow Floozy A shameless, painted cow Who'd let anybody milk her Well, she began to make eyes at tim.
Tim? Who's tim? The bull.
Roland, stay with me on this.
Anyway, all I know Is that wedding ring wasn't in tim's nose five minutes Before he caught floozy's eye.
Oh, sure, we turned our backs And tried to pretend We couldn't hear what was going on, But how can you not hear the cowbells? Oh, those bells Those awful, awful bells.
I can still hear them clanging.
Not so cute When she's telling the cow story, is she? You're not hanging that flag in here.
Well, of course I am.
Do you know what this flag represents? This flag belonged to big, big granddaddy hollingsworth.
He used to bring it To all our fine old southern family picnics, Where all the cousins would gather.
Everybody was courteous and mannerly, And gentlemen would ask ladies For the favor of a dance.
Cousin rex would be home on vacation From colonel bob's school for bad boys.
And he'd ask me for the favor Other than the dancing favor, And we'd Ahh, It's a grand old flag.
I see.
This is just good old-fashioned fun.
O.
K.
How about on Tuesday nights We hang the nazi flag, hire an oom-pah band, And dress you up like eva braun? It's not the same as the nazi flag.
It is to me.
When you see this flag, You see some southern fairy tale With a guy in a white suit Tipping his hat, saying, "evenin', miss blanche.
" Evening.
Sorry.
You were making a point? That's not funny, blanche.
That's ancient history.
You know it.
Things aren't like that anymore.
Uh-oh.
Here they come.
So are we going to check them in? Can we afford not to? After they're checked in, I want this flag to come down.
Well, welcome, ladies, to the golden palace.
Please don't eat the mints.
What's doing, rose? Oh, it's pretty quiet.
I've called the smiths every minute and a half So they won't have time to start rolling around.
I did the same thing On dorothy and stan's honeymoon.
Drove them crazy.
You might want to try it with a german accent.
Sophia, you're terrible.
Achtung! [with german accent] your strudel is ready und-- I'm sorry.
Wrong number.
Thanks.
They sounded scared.
May I help you? Yes.
A reservation for mr.
And mrs.
Smith.
I see.
Mr.
And mrs.
Smith.
Mr.
And mrs.
Smith are here.
That's right Mr.
Old-enough-to-be- her-father smith And the lovely Mrs.
This-sure-beats- doing-it-on-the-floor- at-the-office smith.
First of all, You can kiss "employee of the month" goodbye.
Again? Look, rose, I know these people.
They're regular customers.
They really are the smiths.
Oh, my gosh.
Achtung.
I'm an exchange student.
Why is that flag still there? Blanche didn't get to it yet.
Oh, I see.
Hey, what are you doing? I don't want this here.
I swear.
If you're not making such a thing.
I remember once when big, big granddaddy hollingsworth-- Just stop it! This flag, mrs.
Devereaux, Is not about college football games Or quilting bees or fried chicken on Sunday.
It's about colleges that won't let me in.
It's about companies that won't hire me.
It's about crosses being burnt on people's lawns today.
Not in the evil past, Not just in the south, all over.
The north is just as bad.
Damn yankees.
You honestly don't get this, do you? I don't see where there's anything to get.
This is just a flag.
To me, it's a bunch of wonderful family memories.
I don't want to work for anybody who feels that way.
I don't think I can.
Why, roland-- I'm just going to look for another job, blanche.
Well Hey, chuy, What's this on tomorrow's lunch menu? "sausage on split bread"? That's a hot dog.
Who's going to want that? Let me tell you something.
I've seen thousands of people line up For a little piece of sausage Because it's the only food available.
They suffer in silence As they inch up towards the head of the line With rain beating down on them.
Don't tell me I don't know what people want.
It was that bad in the barrio? No.
It was last Sunday at the dolphins game.
Listen, do you think I'm wrong? Yes.
Shouldn't you let me finish my sentence? No.
There's a couple in this hotel committing adultery.
I know it's not the in thing, But I happen to believe in family values.
Don't start with family values.
After sal died, I had to be a single parent.
I took care of dorothy the best I could.
Oh, sophia, dorothy took care of you.
Oh, that would explain the free food.
We should have a policy Against people coming to our hotel To commit adultery.
Don't tell me you never went to a hotel To have a little fun.
I may have gone, But not with somebody else's husband.
Actually, once, I did wind up in a hotel bed With someone other than charlie, But it was an accident.
You had an affair, little miss goody two shoes? Well, I'm shocked.
I don't know what to say.
It wasn't an affair, technically.
See, charlie and I Used to go to the st.
Olaf hotel every few months To spice things up.
We'd have a nice dinner And go up to our room And dress up like o favorite storybook characters And then make love.
Nothing unusual.
Perfectly normal.
Yikes.
One night, charlie went in the bathroom to put on-- Well, this is a little embarrassing.
We're all adults here.
There's nothing to be embarrassed about.
He went in to dress up like the big bad wolf.
Sick.
She's sick.
Now, stop it.
Sorry.
I don't understand About people who dress up like storybook characters.
Of course I was lucky.
Without his clothing, Sal looked like wee willie winkie anyway.
Can I finish my story? Well, when he went into the bathroom, I turned out the lights.
Why bother putting on costumes, Then turn out the lights? Now I do feel silly.
Oh Rose The affair.
Well, we wanted to order room service, But the st.
Olaf hotel doesn't have it.
They just have dumbwaiters.
Are we talking about a little elevator dumbwaiter Or just a guy who was a dumb waiter? Little elevator.
O.
K.
But the guy who got off it wasn't that bright, either.
I mean, he saw me in bed, and he crawled in.
I thought it was charlie.
So I said, "grandma, what big eyes you have.
" He said, "the better to see you with, my dear.
" I said, "grandma, what big teeth you have.
" He said, "the better to nibble you with, my dear.
" Then charlie came out of the bathroom And said, "who's that sleeping in my bed?" I was so confused.
I'll bet.
Don't take me now, lord.
Don't let this be the last story I ever hear.
[man] ha ha ha! Ha ha ha! [woman] oh, ha ha ha.
[man] oh.
No.
I'm going to be more tolerant.
Oh, harry.
Ha ha ha.
[man] ha ha ha! Ha ha ha! Oh, please.
Wait.
I'm sorry.
It won't happen again.
We're checking out of 207.
Was something wrong? Yeah.
This woman's what's wrong.
Rose, what did you do? Nothing.
She completely invaded our privacy.
Oh, come on.
It's not like I got in bed with them.
O.
K.
, so I got in bed with them.
She started singing hymns.
And she started babbling something About hearing cowbells ring.
This used to be a nice, little discreet hotel.
What's it turning into? We're doing the best we can.
You shouldn't have her here.
And you shouldn't cheat on your wife.
My wife is none of your business.
It so happens this woman and I Have a very special, meaningful relationship.
I won't have you cheapen it.
Let's go, um Arlene.
Right.
Arlene.
How could you? I'm sorry.
We're barely making ends meet.
We cannot afford to offend any guests.
I'm sorry.
You did the right thing, rose.
I did? I did the right thing.
I did? Yeah.
Sometimes what you believe Is more important than business, Although what some people believe is unbelievable.
I'm not some kind of bigot Because I love this flag.
I resent that implication.
You just stop that right now.
Oh, yes, ma'am, miss devereaux.
Old roland don't want to cause you norouble at all.
You hold on to that one.
He's a good one.
What did you say? "he's a good one.
" Roland Wait.
I don't feel like that woman in there.
I don't feel that way at all.
Can't you see that flag ties what you believe And what she believes together? That flag's legacy is alive Whenever I walk down the street with friends And a white person crosses the street 'cause they're afraid Or when I'm in the elevator And you're huddled in the corner Wondering what I'm going to do.
Sometimes I want to go "hooga!" Oh! Just to break the tension.
Please don't tell me about that flag.
I've battled it all my life.
I'm sorry for everything you have been through, But what am I supposed to think About all my family, all my friends? O.
K.
When I was in school, Maybe I was less sensitive than I could have been.
I was just doing what all my friends were doing.
They were my friends.
We were just acting like everybody we knew acted.
Oh.
And then that When I had my first baby-- Well, the hospital was packed and, uh And I had to share a room With a young black woman.
George made a big stink About the accommodations.
She had to have heard him.
Her baby was as cute as mine.
Cuter, in fact.
Rebecca was an ugly baby.
Turned out fine.
Ugly baby.
You can get an idea of how she looked If you catch sophia with her teeth out.
The point is What am I supposed to do and think about my family? What am I supposed to think About all those people I love? What am I supposed to think about me? Everything I grew up believing in, All of my wonderful memories, They're--they're all tarnished now by Oh, god.
By the truth.
I owe you an apology.
No.
You don't owe me nothing.
Will you stay? You really have to start listening to me When I tell you something is bothering me, And I'll try to understand Why some of these things mean so much to you.
The whole world is messed up right now.
I'd like to see that get better.
In order for that to happen, White people have to start making positive assumptions When they see people of color, And people of color could make positive assumptions When they see white people.
Things are just messed up.
Blanche, let's just try and get rid of all the barriers And just trust each other, o.
K.
? Right on.
Captioning performed by the national captioning institute, inc.
Reservrvations for smith.
Oh, really? Is there a mrs.
Smith? Har har.
No, but there's a mr.
Jones.
Oh Well, that's a relief.
You just won't believe what goes on In the hotel business.
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