The Graham Norton Show (2007) s18e13 Episode Script

New Year's Eve Show

1 Hey, everyone.
It is New Year's Eve! Yeah! And we are counting down to the show.
Here we go, everybody.
- Ten, nine, eight, seven, six, fiv - Whoa, whoa, whoa! Hold up! Hold up! It's Will Ferrell, everybody! CHEERING Hold up, please.
Erm Thank you, thank you.
Uh, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, everyone, there's been a terrible incident, a gigantic magical flying wine truck has collided with the studio - and there are hundreds of bottles of Sauvignon blanc everywhere.
- What? - I kid you not! - LAUGHTER What an idiot.
Come on, people.
Five, four, three, two, one Let's start the show! CHEERING This programme contains some strong language.
LAUGHTER evening, one, and good evening, all.
Welcome to the show, I'm Graham Norton.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE We have a fantastic show for you tonight, some amazing guests, including a handsome young man who's making quite the name for himself, that's Will Ferrell! CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Wow, that guy that guy is ripped! Really ripped! There was no wine.
That is not your beard and that is not your body.
- Go away.
- This wasn't any? - Wait, wait.
- I saw a wine truck Wait! Will Ferrell, everybody! CHEERING He'll be back.
He'll be back later.
He will.
Will Ferrell, oh! So, it's New Year's Eve! Everyone have a good Christmas? AUDIENCE: Yes! Did you? LAUGHTER Really? You don't look well! We've got a great show for you to enjoy tonight, wherever you're celebrating.
Whether it's on the beach, on the ski slopes, or on your own local high street.
That's me.
It really is a magical time of the year, isn't it? And, ladies and gentlemen, we are bidding farewell to 2015 with a great line-up of guests.
Not just Will Ferrell, he'll also be joined by his Daddy's Home co-star, Mark Wahlberg, everyone.
Yes! CHEERING AND APPLAUSE They'll be here later.
And we'll have a performance of one of this year's bestselling hits, from Years And Years, they're here.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Adorable! But first, this man has had a phenomenal year, winning the Bafta, Golden Globe, and Oscar for his portrayal of Stephen Hawking in The Theory of Everything, now he's tipped for further glory playing the first person to undergo gender reassignment in The Danish Girl, welcome back Eddie Redmayne, everybody! Yay! CHEERING AND APPLAUSE This way, this way.
Hey! - Happy New Year! - How are you? - I am really well.
Lovely to see you.
Have a seat.
And joining Eddie, it's the Oscar-winning actress who wowed us in The Hunger Games, X-Men, and Silver Linings Playbook, now she's Golden Globe nominated again for her role in the rags to riches movie, Joy, please welcome, for the first-time to the show, the wonderful Jennifer Lawrence! CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Yay! - Always wanted you! - You'd only to ask! - Aw! - Well, you're here! - Thank you.
- Sit down! Sit down! Oh! I'm leaving my lipstick there, cos I think we're going - to be here for a while, right? - I love that, emergency lipstick.
- I did, yeah, I should hide it from the camera.
- Yeah! And, if you guys don't know, this is where babies come from.
LAUGHTER - Look, showbiz babies.
- I'm so happy I picked this dress! It's a nice, sparkly - I'm just going to get drunk and then I won't care.
- Yeah! It's New Year's Eve! CHEERING - Don't forget that.
- I don't know.
I really hate New Year's Eve.
- I've never had a good New Year's Eve.
- Always a disappointment.
Always disappointing, everybody's always chasing a good time Jennifer, Jennifer, on message, this is New Year's Eve.
- Oh, right.
- People are watching this! - I'm on The Graham Norton Show.
You're depressing them now, they're thinking - Do people think this is how I am spending New Year's Eve?! - No, that's my point! LAUGHTER - That's so sad! - I know - I'm working! - They're thinking, "No wonder she hates it!" - Yeah! - No, no! So, in real life, you're doing nothing? - Hmm I don't know.
I'm going to, like, plan on doing nothing, and then, if something lands in my lap I don't know, I always end up, like, disappointed.
- Drunk, but disappointed.
- That's my life! SHE LAUGHS That's the title of my memoir! Damn, I should've got that title! - Eddie, what are you doing? - I am Do you know what? My wife and I, we're renting this place in the countryside, - and we were hoping it was going to - I would love to! - Come! Unfortunately, I don't think there are any carpets or anything.
- But we're stubbornly - Why does Jennifer need carpets? She doesn't, just bring a sleeping bag, join us around the fire, that's the plan, I think.
I think he means that I'll only go if there's a red carpet! Yeah, there's no red carpet! Sorry! How will you get in? Where do I step? Just in the car, "How does this happen?" Well, listen, Jennifer is returning to our screens in the latest comedy drama directed by David O Russell.
It opens tomorrow, it's called Joy.
You play Joy, so tell us about Joy.
Joy is the story of Joy Mangano, also inspired by other women who inspired David, and she is a mother of two working at Eastern Airlines, she gets this brilliant idea for this mop, and it's about her journey to sort of make it happen, and then the story of success afterwards.
I have now had far too much whisky to promote this movie! No, but what's great about it, because it is a true story, - that you think you know where it's going, the plot - Yeah.
.
.
and then it's just like, "What just happened?" - It is a mad story.
- Yeah, thank God that's not what I said! I mean, you think you know what's going on and then it's like, "Mrgh!" And then, it's like, "Yeah!" That's how I feel like talking about it now, cos you're totally right.
Yes.
There are a lot of ups and downs, and some beautiful and scary, ugly sides of success.
- Yeah! - What's it like working with Robert De Niro? - Oh, it's so fun.
- Is it kind of fun working with pals? - Have you ever had repeated? - No, never, no-one wants me back! - Yeah, once bitten! - Ah All right, let's watch a clip, this is a clip from Joy.
- You watch it, I'm going to change.
- LAUGHTER - OK, sorry, play the clip.
- You look lovely.
You look great.
This is you and Bradley Cooper, and you fighting for your place on QVC.
You said to me that David Selznick, the son of immigrants, married Jennifer Jones, an all-American girl from Oklahoma, because, in America, all races and classes can meet and make whatever opportunities they can.
And that is what you feel when you reach into people's homes with what you sell.
You said that.
CHEERING "Yay, me! I'm amazing!" I should have cymbals! - "I'm fantastic!" - God, I'm useless! - You're so good, and so good in this.
- Thank you.
And, of course, the third time you've worked with David O Russell.
- Yeah.
- And it sounds like, when he's directing you, he doesn't really have a filter.
Did he ever have a filter? - He certainly doesn't have a filter any more.
- Erm, no.
He doesn't have a filter with anything, but he's just pure cinema, he's just pure I think it's really lovely.
Cos I grew up doing sports.
So whenever directors try to get emotional, "I think the character would be, at this point" I'm like, "What does that mean?" Like, David's just like, "That sucks!" You know, that makes sense to me.
"OK, got it.
I'll do it better this time.
" - He doesn't really say that to you, does he? - Of course! He was breathing behind me when we were doing the diner scene on Silver Linings, he's behind the booth, laying there, and he has a monitor, and he goes like, "Grrr!" And I can hear his breathing, and I'm like, "He doesn't like this!" And then he'll go, "Oh, it's bullshit, it's just bullshit.
" And I would just be like, "What do you want?" And he'd be like, "Just do it without bullshit.
" And then, eventually, I learned that meant lower my voice a little bit.
And so now, we just always work together, - cos he knows bullshit equals lower voice.
- Yeah.
- Shorthand.
Eddie's one of those You like the chatting about it, don't you? I need to be mollycoddled and told I'm great - in order for me to do anything! - No, you do not! - I promise I do.
- I like - I'll never forget that head smack, from - what's it called? - Theory Of Everything.
No, but this, when we did this interview together, like, Jen, who's done more stunts and sort of action, brilliant set pieces, we were trying to talk about Theory Of Everything, and she kept going back to the head smack - I'm sorry.
- .
.
when I hit my head.
She was like, "Tell me how you did it!" I know, you literally won an Academy Award for this performance, and I haven't said one thing to you about anything artistic about the movie.
I'm like, "How did you do that head smack, bro?" In the interview, trying to create some really complicated way in which I did it, whereas actually they just sort of put a foam bit on the floor and they just tied my hands and made me do that Oh! Even whacking your head on foam without holding your - That's scary! - So brave! LAUGHTER - Cheers! - Well done, you.
Well done, you.
Now, I don't want to jinx anything, but Eddie Redmayne was here last New Year's Eve.
As he left the building, I said, "Good luck with the Oscars.
" Only won an Oscar! He won an Oscar, ladies and gentlemen! CHEERING AND APPLAUSE - Thanks for that, Graham.
- Yeah! - Very generous.
I was, right before he ran out, when you were introducing him, I realised, we had been like talking and catching up, and then you're like, ".
.
Academy Award winner" I was like, "Oh, my God, I totally forgot! Congratulations!" Never talked to you after that.
- And again - Not on purpose! - Not on purpose! And again, it's weird, cos you don't want to talk about these things, but, you'd a bad one, was it the night you won your Oscar? The night I won - I don't want to talk about that night, I had a whole meltdown.
- OK! That sounds riveting, I want to talk about that! It was a series of things, it was like a birth control confusion, so I was like hormonal, I fell on my face, I forgot to thank the director, so I was just like, "What does it all mean? Nothing!" I just came home crying And then, my friend, like, ordered the wrong pizza, it wasn't thin crust, it was thick crust, I was just like SHE SOBS I imagine very different scenes in the Redmayne household.
- Slightly different.
- Oh, really? Well, basically, I have a plethora of brothers, and their sort of favourite thing is to sort of come I did this film a couple of years ago called Savage Grace, with Julianne Moore.
- Keep going, quickly.
- What's disastrous? - What? - No, no, you left them at "come".
- Come! - LAUGHTER - Oh, God! - What did he say? What? It's going to get worse, so I did this film a couple of years ago, called Savage Grace, and it was one of my early, one of the first jobs, I was so proud of it, it was with Julianne Moore, it involved incest, I played her son, and she sleeps with him, to sort of try and change his sexuality, anyway - LAUGHTER - .
.
I was so pleased to have got a job, I was so proud of it, and they came to the London Film Festival premiere, and it was only as I was sitting down, surrounded by my family, with all my brothers, sitting next to my Dad, basically looking like this, as I was about to do a love scene with my mother in the film, just to see what his reaction would be.
Basically, that's always their thing, see who can get closest to Dad, - in order to watch what his perilous reaction is going to be.
- Oh, yeah! - Ooh! - I had to kick my brother out from award season for a little bit, cos he tried to arm wrestle Matthew McConaughey.
He was, like, not into it, it was Winter's Bone, nobody knew who I was, so he was - So there was that.
- He took down McConaughey? And my mum is your How is your mum during premieres? - She's pretty good, actually.
- She's normal? But only because I always say to her I remember we had this amazing experience at the Tony Awards, when she came as my date, and I said - That's cute.
- .
.
"Mum, what happens is they come up on cameras, "and they look at your face, so when I don't win, you have got to look - "You know, you can't get, 'Grr!' you know, really angry.
" - Yeah! And my mum I love my mum, she is quite competitive.
Anyway, this moment happened, and I was nominated for a prize, and them, I was lucky enough to win, and I was so elated, but my mum, I'd given such a grilling to, she's just sort of sat there.
- LAUGHTER - "I'm not allowed to react!" - I'm like, "I've won!" - That's so funny.
The whole family, the whole family I'm sure, will be very proud of your new film, The Danish Girl.
It also opens tomorrow, and it's had a lot of press.
And it is an extraordinary story, and more extraordinary, because it is mostly true, all true, or? Yes, it is based on Lili and Gerda's life, this couple who lived in 1920s, in Copenhagen, and, um, Lili was one of the first people to transition, to undergo gender confirmation surgery in the 1930s.
And it's really about this It's a really passionate love story about these two, kind of, extraordinary people.
And this film, they've been trying to get it made for years - It's been a long road, Graham! - Yeah! And what's odd is that, now that it finally comes blinking into the light - Mm-hm.
- .
.
it's hit this moment when these issues - are more high profile than ever before.
- Yeah.
- But that is just coincidence? - It is.
It's been 15 years in the making.
And I was making Les Miserables about four, five years ago, and Tom Hooper, the director, he gave me the script, and he didn't say anything about it.
He gave me this surreptitious brown envelope and he said, "Have a read of this.
" and I was completely sucker punched by it.
I found such a beautiful story.
And I said, "Where can I sign up? He was like, "No, no.
"This film's probably not going to happen for a while.
" And, as you say, it's come out at this time, and there's such a shift in the past year, of trans issues coming to the mainstream, but kind of what was staggering for me was their story happened almost 100 years ago, and it's sort of astounding how little progress there's been, only in the past couple of years there really has been some change.
And one of those weird things for you, as an actor, that, suddenly, you have to become a kind of spokesperson, - or you're kind of representing, in a way.
- Well, it's I mean, it's incredibly, um For me, it's wonderful, because the story is so beautiful, and the people I met, preparing to play the part, people from the trans community, who were incredibly generous, and so, the whole thing has been a privilege, really, and getting to - not in any way talk for the community - because - but really to try and be an ally.
Learn to be an ally.
- Yeah! All right, we've got a clip from The Danish Girl.
This is you and your wife, who we must also mention, - cos she's fabulous! - She's wonderful.
- Alicia Vikander.
And this is the morning after Lili's first public appearance.
Exactly what happened between you - and Sandahl last night? - Nothing.
It was nothing.
- Did he know it was you? - It wasn't as simple as that.
I watched him kiss you, Einar, so could you please make an effort? He may have known who I was, but I wasn't always m-me.
There was a moment when I was just Lili and I think that he could see that.
- Do you see? - But Lili doesn't exist.
- We made her up.
- I know.
- We were playing a game.
- I know we were.
But then .
.
something changed.
CHEERING Wow.
As I've already said, that comes out tomorrow as well.
Now, the thing is, because it's so unusual to have two such young Oscar winners - This normally happens - That's why we're friends! - Yeah! You're part of an elite club.
But the other thing you share is quite short-lived careers in modelling.
- I thought you said just "shortest careers"! - I know! - Wow! - I was like "Oooh! Oh.
" - Happy New Year(!) - Yeah! - So, because you What was your big break? - Was it Vogue? Esquire? - Where are we going with this? - I think all of the above! - Talk about modelling.
Talk about it! - Or was it, in fact? - Want me to talk about my modelling? - I think HE'S about to talk about my modelling! - Oh, my God! - Do you have pictures? - Yes, because, he did Look at these.
Like, it's hard to make a jumper sexy.
- True that.
- LAUGHTER But I think he has managed it.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Has wool Has wool ever looked hotter? - I mean, seriously - Here's the thing, your sweater his eyeballs.
LAUGHTER God, that was a high point - Oh, my God! - .
.
but I think you can actually still buy that, and the point of that is you can learn to knit it yourself.
- Oh! - So you guys can take one of those home and knit it yourself.
So I can buy the sweater, - and then I have to do it myself as well? - Yeah! Actually, there's a classic thing in here.
So you know when you want something for Christmas and say to your mum or granny, "I'd really like a trendy sweat top, "I'd like a really nice, trendy, zippy-up top"? And then they knit it for you.
LAUGHTER - "NO!" - Yeah, that's the Christmas nightmare! - It is, isn't it? - Yeah.
But you still do some modelling, don't you? - Sporadically and very unsuccessfully.
- Stop it! - You do big brands! - I don't know any of this! I did a campaign for Burberry, which was very amazing.
I did it a few years ago and Mario Testino shot it.
- Oh! - And I remember It was when I was just starting out and, in this photograph, there was sort of a model, and me, an actor, wannabe actor, and a musician.
And Mario Testino, who I'd never worked with, who is one of the most extraordinary, brilliant people, but, in that moment, he was almost like a parody of himself.
So, we had to run and jump for the photograph.
And he goes, he's literally got the camera there, and he goes MOCK ITALIAN ACCENT: "OK, so, darling, "you supermodel, you rock star, Eddie, you movie star, "I'm Mario Testino, and one, two, threego!" LAUGHTER And I leapt into the air I leapt into the air and these two, sort of, pros, and me, at the end, going But he gets the photos, because they're so natural ones of sort of shock and minor despair and wonder, - I think, at the same time.
- Cos you - You don't have my pictures - I don't! - .
.
and I'll tell you why.
Yes, tell us why, because really, - an amazing job to get.
- I was an Abercrombie model.
- Get in.
- Abercrombie and Fitch, ladies and gentlemen! - Don't make your hoots! - Wait till the end of the story! - Pre-emptive hoots! So my pictures never came out, I did like the whole campaign, and the pictures never came out, and I didn't know why, and my agent wrote and asked why, and they literally only responded with the photos.
LAUGHTER Because they, like, their whole idea was, like, "We want real people.
" So they, like, got I don't know, we were on a beach, and they threw us a football and they were like, "Play football!" And all the other models were playing football, like, in the pretty way.
You know, like Not me! I was All of the photos, I've got a red face, covered in sweat, my nostrils are flared, I'm like, "Aargh!" .
.
in the back of a picture.
At one point, a girl yelled, "Get her away from me!" LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE So I'm desperate to see those photos.
You won't see them in a store, that's for sure.
Good luck.
Good luck to both of you and really I wish you all the best with both these movies and with 2016.
Ladies and gentlemen, Eddie Redmayne and Jennifer Lawrence.
CHEERING Yay.
CHEERING DROWNS OUT SPEECH And so And so to my next Hogmanay guest.
Will Ferrell has made us laughed with films like Elf, Old School, Talladega Nights and his star turn as legendary anchorman Ron Burgundy, while Mark Wahlberg is a multi-talented actor/producer who has given us drama in The Fighter, action in The Departed and comedy in Ted and The Other Guys.
Now they're back together in the hilarious new movie, Daddy's Home.
Here's Will as the stepfather trying to impress the kids in front of real dad Mark.
One lucky fan is going to get a chance to shoot from half-court to win a family vacation to Disney World! CHEERING That's right, and our lucky fan is sitting in section 113, row six, seat one.
Where is he? Let's see it! Where is he? It's me.
It's me.
I win.
I win.
I'm going to Disneyland.
I'm going to make it right.
Yay! All right, sir, what's your name? First off, I love my kids.
He loves his kids! Let's give it up! CHEERING This one is for Dylan and Megan and Sarah and Dylan.
Nothing but net.
All right, he's going for it, nothing but net.
SHE SCREAMS, CROWD GROANS Please welcome Will Ferrell and Mark Wahlberg.
CHEERING Nice to see you.
Hello.
Sit down.
Sit down.
Hey! - Oh, naughty, yes.
- Naughty.
- Oh! Yes! Yes! - Yes! - I know! - Yes! CHEERING It's a little later.
It's a little later, - so we thought we might roll out some real drinks - Great.
- .
.
because, Will Ferrell, you have a bar in New York dedicated to you.
- Apparently, I do, yes.
- Have you been? - I haven't been.
- That seems almost rude.
- A little.
- They don't want him to come.
It's a Will Ferrell-themed bar, but they don't want Will Ferrell.
- It's called Stay Classy, right? - Yes.
Stay Classy New York.
- Is that what it's called? - Stay Classy New York.
Yeah, it is.
- We've got a selection of cocktails.
- I've been.
- You've been? - Yes.
- Have you really been? - I was invited, yeah.
- LAUGHTER - I haven't been invited yet.
I can offer you There's a cocktail called Great Odin's Raven.
- There's Smelly Pirate Hooker.
- Mm-hm.
- There's a Whale's Vagina.
Or, my favourite, I Piss Excellence.
- Er, fancy any of those? - Well, I've got to go for a Whale's Vagina.
- A Whale's Vagina is That's the Whale's Vagina.
OK.
- OK.
- That's a Smelly Pirate Hooker, that one.
- Yeah, give me the Pirate.
OK, have a Pirate Hooker.
And I'll have Piss Excellence.
How is your Whale's Vagina? From what I remember, that's exactly what LAUGHTER .
.
it should taste like, yeah! - Cheers.
- Oh, it's very potent.
Yeah.
- And Happy New Year's.
- Happy New Year! Happy New Year, everyone.
Happy New Year.
So now, of course, Christmas has gone.
How was Christmas, Mark Wahlberg? - Christmas was wonderful.
- Yeah? - Yeah.
- What was your best present? - I didn't get anything.
- No, Mark! I didn't get anything.
And I didn't give the kids anything.
LAUGHTER I figured why bother? - Yeah, tough love.
- Exactly.
Didn't we just do this last year? I mean, come on.
- They're not going to remember anyway.
- Do something original.
- Yeah.
- Christmas for you must be amazing, cos you're Elf.
- I, er Yes, I'm Elf.
But that's too scary for my children.
They don't It's not too scary for mine.
How do I get Elf to show up to my house? - So I can be cool.
- 50,000 euros.
That's not a problem.
Do you have the tights on under the suit? I have the tights on right now, yes.
I've been wearing them since Christmas Day.
- It's Christmas - Yeah, yeah.
As I say, the two of you bring us a festive treat in Daddy's Home, and it's in cinemas everywhere now.
And it's a very kind of modern family comedy in that it's about a stepfather coming face-to-face with the biological dad.
Yeah, it's kind of, I mean, the story of kind of the blended family that we're coming across more and more and, yeah, I'm the stepfather to your kids and I pride myself on being the world's greatest dad.
I cry a little too much, I'm very emotionally available .
.
which is sickening.
- And, er, then, Dusty comes into the picture.
- Who is - A real man's man.
- Yes.
- Yeah! - And as I say, it's really, really funny.
Lots of big laugh out loud moments, - like the moment in the clip we just saw.
- Right.
- And Which people thought was real.
When we were filming it.
We shot it in a national basketball game and we only had six minutes, so they basically said, "At half-time, "stay in your seats, because you can be in a scene of a movie," but they didn't tell them what we were doing and then, all of a sudden, Will stumbles onto the court pretending to be drunk and hits the cheerleader.
I had at least five or six Whale's Vaginas going in.
LAUGHTER And it just went viral.
People were going crazy all over the internet.
People thought I had wandered into a live NBA basketball game and had taken the liberty to peg a cheerleader in the head, and that I should be severely reprimanded, which I couldn't argue with, but But also, it's just as well you are good at sports, because, you know, it'd have taken me forever to try and hit that cheerleader in the face.
He hit that poor girl about five times in a row.
I said, "I think we got it on the first take," he was like, "Oh, no, no, no.
I need another" "I don't think she wants to do it again.
" - "I just need one more.
" - She did.
She told me she did, OK? Relax.
Listen, you're both dads yourself and, Mark, we've talked about your parenting style.
- You're firm, but fair in the Wahlberg household.
- Yes.
- But you are very involved.
You're very hands-on.
- Mm-hm.
- You go to all their sporting games, if you can.
- Oh, absolutely.
Yeah.
But they're not liking me at the games any more.
I get a little too crazy.
I get a little too passionate.
- I know, because they've taken pictures of you.
- Oh, God! There's another picture.
You're really going for it in this next one.
Look at that.
Rargh! You do kind of think, - you must know - Is that you coaching? - I'm on the sidelines.
- Oh, you're on the sidelines.
- I'm just with other parents.
- OK.
My wife, always She'll take Cos I bring these chairs, she takes a chair and sits down the other end.
Acts like she doesn't know me.
But EVERYONE knows you.
Don't you think you should just tone it down? - I can't help it.
- I've been there.
He just played in the championship game and I couldn't even eat.
I mean, my stomach was in butterflies.
He's nine.
My stomach was in butterflies and, oh, God, it was crazy.
I lost my voice for about a week, screaming, yelling.
- Did they win? - No.
- Ooh! So I had to beat him.
LAUGHTER I had money on that freaking game.
So did I.
A little red button thing like, "Is Mark joking?" - Will, you coach.
- I coach.
I've experienced the same thing.
- You forget - He'd be the worst coach! - Why? Because they could be down 20, "Don't worry, guys, you're doing really good.
You know what? "There are a lot of positive things happening.
Why are you crying? - "It's OK.
" - "You learn more from defeat than winning.
" LAUGHTER Have you ever said that out loud, Will? - Sadly, that's exactly my strategy.
- Oh, my God! - Yeah.
But I did have a moment where I was screaming at my oldest son, who was ten years old at the time, and I was like, "Magnus! MAGNUS! MAGNUS!" And he stops in the middle of the game and he's like, "What?" And I realised I had lost my mind and I just said, "Never mind.
"Just try to get closer to the ball" But it's hard.
It's hard to not get wrapped up in the excitement.
It must be hard, because everyone must recognise you at a game.
Usually.
Usually.
I was growing my moustache out for Anchorman 2 and coaching on the sideline and the opposing coach was like, "You look familiar.
" And I go, "Yeah.
" "Are you that actor?" I'm like, "I think so.
" He said, "Is that moustache real?" I said, "Yes, why would I be wearing a fake moustache ".
.
at a kids' soccer game?" - It's happened.
- "Honey, hold on, I've got to put my fake moustache on "so that I'm unrecognisable.
" And this is your second movie together, so you obviously get on.
- Yeah.
Swimmingly.
- Good.
Happy to hear it.
But you have offended co-stars, Will Ferrell.
Was it Harrison Ford? - What happened with him? - On, yeah, this was not good.
You worked with Harrison Ford? He shot on the first day of Anchorman 2 and we were all very nervous to work with him.
That's him, by the way.
- Audiovisual aid.
- Yeah.
- That's him.
And he came into the trailer and, you know, it's Harrison Ford, right? And I'm very diligent, as is Mark, when we're filming.
Go to bed early, don't usually go out to dinner, and he As he's getting his make-up off, he's like, "Dinner?" And I'm like, "No, I'm good, I have something in my trailer.
" And then he leaves and I realise I just turned down Harrison Ford for dinner.
Um That's the end of the story.
LAUGHTER It's kind of worse than that, isn't it? - It's not like you were saying you had other plans.
- Not at all.
- You just said, "I'm going to eat something" - I'm going to eat a bad Styrofoam case full of food provided to me by catering.
I'm not going to choose to have dinner with you, Harrison Ford, where you can regale me in stories.
I'm choosing my boiled chicken.
- Yeah.
- Have you seen him again? I haven't.
I've tried to find him.
- I have.
- Have you had dinner with him? - Yes.
- What has he said? He told me to tell you to go fuck yourself.
LAUGHTER I highly doubt that.
And that you are a pompous, arrogant piece of shit.
I love that Mark Wahlberg is saying this, and I look down and my next question is, "Mark Wahlberg, "you had an extraordinary gig a few months ago.
" - Oh, with the Pope? - Yeah! LAUGHTER You hosted the Pope.
- Yes, I did.
- Did the Pope recognise you? - Er, no.
He hasn't watched television since the mid-80s.
Except he does love The Graham Norton Show and he's going to be appalled at your language.
I already apologised for my language in the movies that I've done.
I didn't know if he was a movie fan or not, and I was hugging this young boy who has an amazing voice, I mean, really a gift from God, and, all of a sudden, he comes out and goes, "I really loved you in Ted.
" This kid's, like, 10-11 years old.
I said, "That's inappropriate for you to watch that.
" And then I had to apologise and explain myself.
And did you hang out in any sense? Er, no, we had a brief encounter, I was able to say hello and we exchanged some pleasantries and that was pretty much it.
I've never I mean, I've met presidents.
I've never seen so many people from all walks of life.
Two million people were at this event to come to see, - just to get a glimpse of this man.
- Wow.
- And he was on the move.
Originally, he was going to leave and they started basically cutting bits of the show as we were going.
I'm hosting the show, so they're telling me, "Well, this is going and that's going.
" But then, er Er, what is his name, that wonderful singer? - Um - Tony Bennett? - No.
- Josh Groban? - No.
- Placido Domingo.
Harry from One Direction.
- You're making it harder to remember.
- OK.
- Sorry.
- What kind of music? Opera.
He's a wonderful gentleman.
He has a problem with his eyes.
- WOMAN: Andrea Bocelli.
- Andrea Bocelli.
- Bocelli.
- Yes.
A problem with his eyes! LAUGHTER I think he's blind, Mark.
LAUGHTER APPLAUSE INDISTINC "Kept bumping into things! I-I He's a problem!" So, anyway, then the Pope decided to stay and then and then Bocelli kept going and singing more and more songs! And then , they had a moment together.
Cos he couldn't see the signal to stop.
LAUGHTER - That's what the lady was doing! - She was like - I thought she was - "We're good!" - I thought she was - "The Pope left.
" LAUGHTER APPLAUSE Right! It's time for music and we're delighted to welcome back a young band for whom 2015 has been an amazing year.
Here performing one of their biggest hits, Shine, please welcome Years & Years.
CHEERING # I remember us alone # Waiting for the light to go # Don't you feel that hunger? # I've got so many secrets to show # When I saw you on that stage # I shiver with the look you gave # Don't you hear that rhythm? # Can you show me how we can escape? # Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh # And I was biting my tongue # And I was trying to hide # Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh # And I'll forget what I've done # And I will be redefined # Cos it's shaking the sky and I'm following lightning # I'll recover if you keep me alive # Don't leave me behind # Can you see me? I'm shining # And it's you that I've been waiting to find # I'm holding it all tonight # I'm folding it all tonight # You know that you make it shine # It's you that I've been waiting to find # I'm holding it all tonight # I'm folding it all tonight # You know that you make it shine # It's you that I've been waiting to find # Now that we can hear that sound # Now that you can hold me down # You can pull me under # You can raze everything to the ground # Everything I can arrange # And every part of me you change # Just hold me together # Tell me that you'll always want me to stay # Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh # And I was biting my tongue # And I was trying to hide - # Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh - No, no, no, no # Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh # And I'll forget what I've done # And I will be redefined # Cos it's shaking the sky and I'm following lightning # I'll recover if you keep me alive # Don't leave me behind # Can you see me? I'm shining # And it's you that I've been waiting to find # I wanna be the one you steal # I wanna be the one you shield # I wanna be the one that your love That your love can heal # I wanna be the one you steal # I wanna be the one you shield # I wanna be the one that your love That your love # Cos it's shaking the sky and I'm following lightning # I'll recover if you keep me alive # Don't leave me behind # Can you see me? I'm shining # And it's you that I've been waiting to find - # I'm holding it all tonight - Tonight! - # I'm folding it all tonight - Tonight! # You know that you make it shine # It's you that I've been waiting to find - # I'm holding it all tonight - Tonight! - # I'm folding it all tonight - Tonight, yeah! # It's you that I've been waiting to find Ah-ah-oh! CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Thank you.
Years & Years! Well done, guys.
Come over and join us do.
Aw! Come on, guys.
Come on, do.
Well done.
Well done.
Well done.
Well done.
Well done.
Have a seat.
There you go.
Years & Years, it's Mark Wahlberg and Will Ferrell.
ALL EXCHANGE GREETINGS Sit down.
Well done.
Happy New Year.
Are you good? Hi.
Yeah.
"Yeah, yeah!" Oh, sorry.
Oh, my gosh.
LAUGHTER Aw! I'm quite emotional.
I was going to ask you what was I was going to ask you what were your highlights of 2015, but this is probably it.
Still got his hand on my back, by the way.
- Just to let you all know.
- It's just comfort.
- Aw.
But it has been an amazing year, cos this time last year people didn't Well, I didn't know who Years & Years were.
Cheers.
- You don't know who we are, though.
- Oh No.
LAUGHTER That's OK.
- I was singing that song on the way over! - I do now.
- Yeah.
- I'm all in.
LAUGHTER So, apart from this, apart from this, what are you doing tonight? Um Oh, yeah, cos it's New Year.
- A Whale's vagina.
- Whale's vaginas.
What does it taste like? - Whale's vagina.
- He wouldn't know.
LAUGHTER GRAHAM: And you would? APPLAUSE Oh, right, that's a "gay thing".
"Yeah, why would he know what a whale's vagina tastes like?" "Not like me! Herman Melville over here.
" OK, listen, midnight is fast approaching, so let's have a final visit of the year to our Big Red Chair.
So who's here? Oh, hello.
Hello.
You're on the television.
I know! Happy New Year.
Happy New Year.
What's your name? My name's Alex.
Alex.
Lovely.
Are you from Scotland? Yes, I am.
Home of Hogmanay.
And what do you do? I'm an engagement manager for a student union.
She's not dressed right for the red chair.
What do you want her to wear? Looks like that skirt's going to go flying over her head.
Well, we may find out in a minute, Mark.
Waiting patiently.
You keep your eyes on the prize.
LAUGHTER Everywhere.
Everywhere.
OK, do you have a New Year's resolution? Yes.
It's to not be so vain.
Not be so vain.
Yes.
Hmm! OK, off you go.
OK, so, a couple of years ago when I was at university, my friend Catherine and I were cycling to netball practice, so LAUGHTER There she goes.
You saw nothing.
You saw nothing.
We really didn't.
We didn't! We didn't! OK, who's up next? Hello! Hello.
What's your name? I'm James.
James.
All right.
And where are you from, James? I'm from London.
OK, lovely.
And what's your New Year's resolution? So, my New Year's resolution next year is going to be never to get in a helicopter with Ed Miliband.
Good resolution! We could probably all make that resolution, sure.
And probably keep it.
Ed Miliband! LAUGHTER If Ed Miliband turns on the TV now, he'll be so amazed.
"They remember me!" His New Year's resolution will be not to get in one with me.
Oh, OK, so what happened? Sorry, yes.
So I used to be an Army officer and, when I was a captain, I used to be the aide to the commander of British forces in Afghanistan.
Oh, yeah, OK.
Ed came out to visit, I was managing his visit, and I'd called in a helicopter to take us to the next serial, but then, I realised that, the day before, I'd had Afghan food and I had a bit of a gurgle in my stomach, and I ran towards the portaloos that were the one side, just the other side of the helicopter landing site but I didn't make it, and I ended up being covered in what you can imagine you'd get from eating too much Afghan dairy.
Anyway, I heard the helicopter come in to land So, just one second.
He shat himself.
He shat himself.
- We're clear.
- Where's Ed Miliband in this story? I heard the helicopter coming in to land.
Ed Miliband's there.
You missed that bit.
Ed Miliband was visiting, he's visiting him, he's now shat himself and a helicopter's landing.
- He has or Ed Miliband? - He shat himself.
Ed Miliband, dry as a bone, good as gold.
- For now.
- I'm with it.
- Yeah.
So Ed's at the H&S with all the party, the press, everything like that.
I have to run, covered in my own shit, all the way to the helicopter, run onto the helicopter and I get on and I go right to the back.
But who comes and sits next to me but Ed? And, as you know, if anyone has shit themselves, once you've started, once that's gone, you can't stop it again.
LAUGHTER So he's sat there next to me, he knows, and it comes flowing out again as the helicopter lifts off.
In the grooves of the Chinook, it's going up and down.
There's only one person that knows it's me.
There's the girl that's the door gunner, the RAF door gunner, she's just got her eyes burning into me, just knowing exactly what's happened.
The helicopter has to be downed for cleaning for two hours, taking it off-line.
And the best bit is that, when Ed was flying back from Kabul to London, the plane that he was flying on had to get diverted to Muscat because he came down with the same sickness and he was stuck there for 24 hours.
Oh! That is a very good story.
You've got a question? Stay there.
You were going to walk, but we need a quick question.
What's the name of the restaurant and are they open on New Year's Day? - Great goat! - You can walk.
- Thanks.
CHEERING That was compelling.
That was compelling.
Well done, everyone in the Big Red Chair.
And if you would like to join us on the show, and have a go in that chair, you can! Contact us via our website at this very address.
That is it for tonight and indeed for this year.
Thank you to all my guests tonight - Jennifer Lawrence and Eddie Redmayne CHEERING AND APPLAUSE .
.
Years & Years CHEERING AND APPLAUSE .
.
Mark Wahlberg CHEERING AND APPLAUSE .
.
and Mr Will Ferrell! CHEERING AND APPLAUSE We'll be back on Friday, the 8th of January with musical guest James Bay, comedienne Tracey Ullman and the magnificent Ralph Fiennes.
Until then, have a very happy New Year.
Good night, everybody, bye-bye!