The Great North (2021) s02e07 Episode Script

Skidmark Holmes Adventure

1 - Look up there - What do you see? Nature and stuff - Like a rock - And a tree Oh, the Great North Way up here, you can breathe the air Catch some fish Or gaze at a bear Wow Oh, the Great North Here we live, oh, oh Here we'll stay, oh, whoo From longest night to longest day In the Great North.
Oh, I'm so nervous to see where I got assigned for Careers Week.
I promise you from the bottom of my heart that I will support your arbitrarily assigned career - no matter what.
- Oh, my God.
I got The Bean Factory? I can't believe I signed up for that just so I could be angry when I got it.
Ah! I got my first choice! MommaPoppa's Ristorante? "Tastes so nice, you want to eat it twice.
" I can't believe you'll be working with Noodie the Noodle.
- Who's Noodie the Noodle? - Oh, the restaurant's mascot.
A person-sized noodle who walks around.
He's ruffled my hair a time or two.
If a giant noodle touched my hair, I would shoot it on sight.
I love the beaded curtain you walk through to go to the restrooms.
And the children's six-piece jigsaw puzzle at every table.
Who doesn't love to see a rooster - come together like that? - Oh, and you'll love it, you always get a huge bowl of free pasta with whatever entree you order.
It's always served at exactly my body temperature, so I can hardly feel it passing through me.
Oh, my favorite thing is their famous dessert cart.
Ah, it would be a dream to have one of my desserts ride the dessert cart.
Immortalized in colorful plastic for all eternity.
Yeah, I don't suppose anyone's interested in the scoop on where I'll be working, but the headline is Are you perhaps working at the newspaper, Judith? Ooh, great guess, Moon! But I'll be doing the reporting here.
Yes, I'll be working at the paper.
And I'll be hosting our first student aboard The Mighty Kathleen.
My protégé is a young woman named Bethany.
You've met Bethany, remember? She got my 11th birthday party at Cheese Wagon cancelled because she brought me a dead bird as a gift? Well, a dead bird is a great reminder of the fragility of life.
With any hope, she'll be as excited to receive lasting knowledge of commercial fishing as I am to impart it.
And Wolf, Honeybee, and Moon will be there to help me show her the ropes.
I got those new ropes last week in Death Cliff.
Oh, yeah! Those ropes are sick! Well, I think it's great you guys get to test out your dream jobs and see if they're as cool as you thought they would be.
My dream job is to be a personal shopper for the stars.
Can you imagine going to Kroger for Nicole Kidman? Oh, you must be Ham.
Oh, my God, look at this handsome boy.
Poppa, Poppa! Get out here.
Ham's here! Oh, my God! - Is this boy an angel, Momma? - He's so skinny! Sit down before you fall down, you must be hungry.
Noodie! Noodie! There you are.
Bring some lasagna for this boy.
Wow, o-okay.
But I am here to work.
Would you listen to him, Momma? This good boy wants to work right away.
Momma, what is it? Momma.
He's like the child we could never have.
- Oh, I'm so sorry.
- My ovaries are like old dried grapes.
No, Momma! I love your ovaries.
Oh, this old flatterer.
Noodie! Where's the garlic bread? Momma! He only has one arm.
Sorry, Noodie.
Next time, you tuck it under the arm, okay? Hi, Mr.
I'm Ham.
- So, Ham, tell me about yourself.
- Well, I love your restaurant, and I want to learn the business because I bake cakes.
A baker.
- Did you hear that, Momma? - All the other boys are out there riding motorcycles and chewing gum and this boy's at home baking beautiful cakes.
Your dessert cart was one of my first inspirations.
Well, if things go well this week you never know.
Maybe one of your desserts will end up on the dessert cart.
- What? No way.
- Ah, it'll be so nice to have an extra hand for the week.
You know, Noodie certainly wouldn't mind an extra hand.
He's belly laughing, look at him.
Gill? What are you doing here? This is my assignment for Careers class.
I overheard you say, "I'm putting the newspaper as my first choice.
" And now here we are.
Welcome to the Lone Moose Wind.
As our junior Career Week employees, you'll be doing the most important jobs in the journalism industry making copies, filing and bringing me exactly three Red Vines every day at 4:15.
- And seven more Red Vines at 4:30.
- Excuse me? Um, will there be an opportunity to write a story? I'm very interested in getting my first byline.
What if I brought you a really juicy scoop? Sure.
Write your juicy scoop on a Post-It and put it under my Red Vines.
Less talky, more coffee.
Go refill the pot, kid.
Do you mind tackling the coffee, Gill? - I'm going to look for my scoop.
- I love you, Judy! - Er, I mean, I'd love to, Judy.
- Thanks, Gill! You must be Bethany.
It's not the name I would have chosen for myself, but I was a baby at the time.
Completely powerless.
You probably won't be needing that sword.
We fish with nets.
It's not for fish.
It's for pirates.
You know, Bluebeards, Blackbeards, scalawags some of 'em are ghosts rattling around in chains.
May I ask why there's no cannon on this boat? I've been begging you to get a cannon for years.
When the ghost pirates try to board the ship and there's no large ordnance to shoot them with, - don't blame us.
- Yeah, Dad.
Don't blame us.
All right, well, let's set sail.
Aw, if he stares at that girl any harder, his eyes are going to literally turn into hearts.
Oh, man, then he'll have three hearts, no eyes, and a huge crush.
Classic pre-teen combo.
How would you two feel about renewing your vows on horseback? It would be a shoo-in for the paper's wedding page.
Horses? Mm-mm, that's a no for me.
Anyone who considers an unwashed carrot a "treat" is just off.
Also, one bit my armpit at the county fair.
Judy, I'm gonna have to defer to Honeybee here.
If you bite my wife, you're out of my life.
Ham, how was your first day? I basically just shadowed Poppa and Momma and Noodie, but tomorrow night I get to be out on the floor, bussing tables and living the dream! When you work there, do they tell you who's inside Noodie the Noodle? No, it had the costume on the entire time I was there.
It even drove away in it, its one tiny linguini arm gripping the wheel.
Scoop alert! Scoop alert! "Scoop alert"? That's not something we say.
My dog, Bubble, found three lynx kittens and she's raising them as her own.
Unlikely animal friends? Our readers love those.
All right, write it up and you've got yourself a byline.
Gill? Bye-bye byline.
Beagle Bubble Bombs Judy's Journalism Journey.
Row in eayear indoray Push the tray of desserts Here's pasta for you Oh yon dee yo lin don doo Bus the table and wave at Noodie Dee ya dee yo You did great tonight, Ham.
Busboy? More like best boy.
Oh! I got one more chore for you before you skedaddle.
At the end of the dinner It's time for a swimmer It's a total cinch, you give the pasta a rinse.
Wah Okay, here's what you gotta do.
Gather up all the uneaten pasta, give it a quick rinse, and then you put it in the walk-in so we can serve it tomorrow.
You got it? I got it! - All done! - Ham, I meant all the pasta.
The stuff in the bus tubs? - Yep.
- But that pasta's dirty.
Well, only till we clean it, Ham.
At the end of the day, I don't throw myself in the trash.
I take a shower and Poppa's good as new! Right? - I guess - And make sure you get all of it.
We don't throw any of it away.
Holy ravioli.
See anything strange on the water lately, Dad? Dead bodies? Mermaids? Swimmers you can tell are peeing in the water? No, but I saw a desk chair floating in the open ocean once.
That was a real thought-starter.
Gotta tell Bethany.
Probably thrown there by an office pirate.
Dad, do you enjoy working? Mostly, yes.
I can't control the weather, or the fish, but overall, work gives me a feeling of contentment.
Why do you ask, Ham? Was working at a real restaurant harder than you expected? There are definitely a few things I'd do differently.
Well, perhaps you should say something, Ham.
A good boss always listens to suggestions.
Like when Judy suggested that we warn each other when we poop in the tiny boat bathroom.
That 15-minute cooling-off period really raised morale.
Bethany, I'm gonna show you how to sweep water off the deck.
Oh, no, thanks.
Moon is going to walk me through calling "Mayday" on the radio in case of pirates.
- Well, actually, Moon will be - Dad.
Can Honeybee and I talk to you in the wheelhouse? What's up, guys? Are you upset? - We can't all sweep the deck.
- Uh, no, we wanted to alert you to a certain situation that's happening.
With Moon? And Bethany? Oh, no, does Moon want to sweep the deck also? No one wants to sweep the deck, Beef.
- Moon has a crush on Bethany.
- Oh.
Oh Moon, I need someone to show Bethany how to call "Mayday" on the radio in case of pirates.
Now we're talkin'.
Um, excuse me? Poppa? Ah, what can I do for you, my young Ham? I, uh I just wanted to ask you about the pasta rinsing.
It just seems like, maybe, we could just make new pasta every day? Ham.
Have you been talking to people about rinsing the pasta? No, just you, Poppa.
You were right to bring it to me.
Ham, when you run a restaurant, you need a lot of food, and that costs a lot of money.
Momma and I, we're not rich, you know? We operate on a very thin margin, and we like to keep our prices low for hardworking families.
Everyone in Lone Moose is like our babies and we want them to be fat and happy.
Why do you want the babies to be sad, Ham? - Why do you hate babies? - Sorry, sorr I don't.
You worry too much, Ham.
Now let's give everyone a good dinner tonight, huh? Ow! Oh.
Hey, Noodie.
C-Can I go by? Okay.
You're not mov I'll just Yep.
So, Crispin, have you witnessed any mall crimes - that I can write up for the paper? - Gloria! No.
They've got this place locked down pretty tight, Judy.
Thank you.
Didn't that cup say "Gloria?" Excuse me! That smoothie is supposed to be for a "Gloria.
" Smoothie snatching, Santiago? Well, sometimes I just like to give a woman's name and pretend I'm picking up a smoothie - for my imaginary wife.
- Oh.
Santiago I know, I know.
Will someone in this mall please shoplift?! Ma'am, I'm looking at you.
- No! - Fine.
Wash the pasta Squishy, squishy, hey, nasty, nasty Serve the pasta, it's disgusting Hey, washy, washy, oh, servey, servey Nasty pasta, oh, noodie, noodie Noodie, noodie, oh Wash, serve hey! Hello, son.
I left you some spaghetti in the fridge.
- What? Why would you do that? - Ah! What was I thinking? You're probably full of delicious Poppa's pasta, huh? Uh-huh.
I'm gonna go take a shower even though I'm not sure I can ever get clean.
Well, I recommend using soap.
It's worked for me all these years.
Oh, no.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no There's something's going on with the shower.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no No! Ham? Are you having a difficult bowel movement? Do you want a glass of water? No.
I just saw a spider.
Don't get bitten by it.
If it's radioactive, it's a whole thing.
Excuse me, young man, I ordered the farts.
Oh, hi.
What are you all doing here? We thought we'd surprise you, son.
It was my idea to come without telling you.
I've been a total prank-aholic lately.
Yesterday he told me I had something on my face, and when I said, "What?" he said, "A beautiful smile.
" And you know? It made me feel beautiful.
- I call 'em "Positive Pranks.
" - Oh! Ham! This must be your family.
I see the resemblance.
The Tobins are here! Momma! Noodie! We have special guests tonight.
Poppa Paul knows who we are, guys.
Now, who's ready for a little bit of Poppa on their plate? Uh all of us? Perfect.
Pasta for everyone! Ham, your family's hungry.
Go get-y the spaghetti.
No, no, no.
I can't feed my family dirty noodles.
I know.
I'll make them fresh pasta.
Ah! Noodie, what are you doing? Maybe a better question is what are you doing, Ham? - I - You don't have to make the pasta.
It's already made.
Ham, always working so hard.
I've got the bowls all ready for you.
Go on, Ham.
Just, uh, gonna go tell 'em.
- It's the right thing to do.
- Ham.
Come with me.
Take a seat.
Sit on any papers you'd like.
Wow, it really smells like fish in here.
Ah, yeah.
Well, the fish hate when you clean the tanks, so, eh, what are what are you gonna do? Ham, Momma and I were chatting and we thought since your family is here tonight, you can make them a special dessert and we'll put it on the dessert cart.
- Are you serious? - Yes, I'm serious! Remember, we told you, we're a team, a family.
You do for us, we do for you.
- You understand what I'm saying? - I think so And who knows? If tonight goes well, maybe there'll be a little plastic version of your dessert that'll be on our cart permanently.
Permanently? Wow.
To think of someone finding my dessert after the apocalypse, in the rubble.
- What a dream.
- So we have a deal? Mm-mm-mm-mm.
I don't know what you do to make it taste so good, Poppa, but whatever it is, keep doing it.
Oh, we will.
We will.
Off to look for scoops again! If I don't find a story soon, my journalism career could stall before I ever get to be a burnt-out reporter.
You don't know of anything weird going on around town, do ya? Um, actually Ah! - Ham, you okay? - Uh, yup.
Everything's fine.
I should probably get to work because I love it and everything's normal there.
Normal, normal, normal.
There you are! Your dessert was so good.
Everyone's asking for Ham's Chocolate-Cherry Pizza Cake.
"Looks like a pizza, tastes like a sweets-uh!" Um, Momma, can I talk to you? What's wrong, my beautiful boy? I love being part of the MommaPoppa family, but I'm having trouble with the, uh the pasta rinsing.
I told Poppa I'd keep it a secret, but it feels kind of wrong.
To me.
And disgusting.
- To me.
- Oh, Ham, I know.
It's something Poppa started back at the beginning when we didn't have two meatballs to rub together.
Maybe it's time for a change.
You know what? I'll talk to Poppa.
- You will? - Of course! You worry too much.
Thank you for talking to Poppa for me, Momma.
Talking to me about what? Ham, I left my salad starter out in the car.
It's a green bag in the back.
Would you go grab it for me - while I talk to Poppa? - Mm-hmm.
Oh, God, that smell! Green bag.
Where is it? Where is it? This can't be it.
It says "Mice For Snakes"? Yep, it's it.
Momma, no! Ugh, you're bad too? Ham Tobin, what have you gotten yourself into? Momma and Poppa are filthy? Ham Tobin, what have you gotten yourself into? Stop.
Momma and Poppa are filthy.
Another day without pirates.
Dad? What do you think the chances are that we're gonna encounter pirates in the next couple of days, specifically right after school? May I look into that and get back to you, son? Sure, Dad.
Thank you for your consideration in this matter.
Hey, Ham-a-lama-ding-dong.
What's up? You know how you were asking me earlier - if anything weird was going on in town? - Mm-hmm.
Welp, I got a scoop I gotta let loose.
Holy cow.
This is big.
This is very big.
And gross.
Very gross.
I'm so sorry I let you eat garbage.
There was just a lot of pressure and I was blinded by the glory of the dessert cart.
It's completely understandable.
Who knows how old some of those noodles are if they never throw them out.
In and out of dozens of mouths, resting on hundreds of chins.
You know the sign for infinity? Think about that as a noodle.
An infinite loop of pasta washing.
We need proof.
I know.
I'll come in disguise.
I'm a storied princess from a faraway monarchy whose father has sent her to find the perfect restaurant to hold the coronation of his heir! Or I could take some pictures with my phone? Mm, yeah, that could work.
Hey! Noodie, give me back my ph Oh.
Well, well, what do we have here? Ham.
What are you trying to do, huh? Uh I was just taking some pictures.
So I could remember my time here.
Don't lie to Poppa.
You don't like it, the rinsing.
Look, Ham, I didn't want to have to tell you this, but we have to wash the pasta.
We can't afford new pasta, because Momma - she's sick.
- I don't believe you.
- Then Noodie's sick.
- No, Poppa, you can't just switch who's sick.
Ham, you were gonna use these pictures to ruin us.
I said I would talk to Poppa.
Why are you so impatient? You don't trust your Momma? I saw your car, Momma.
You're part of this.
You were keeping salad in a bag that's specifically meant for mice.
It's so gross! Aw, Ham, Ham, Ham, Ham, Ham.
Poppa, I know what this is about.
We were gonna wait for your last night, but here.
It's your dessert, Ham.
For the cart.
It just came back from the molder.
They said it was the most beautiful fake dessert they ever made.
Everyone was crying.
Everyone was crying and now I'm crying.
I'm so proud of my son.
I'm not your son.
And I'm not keeping your weird secrets anymore! Yes, you are, Ham.
- You broke my heart, Ham.
- Get out of here.
And take your Cherry-Chocolate Pizza with you.
- Noodie, give him the boot-y.
- It's fine, I can wal Ah! Ah, ah! Whoa Ah, man.
I forgot to ask them to sign my class credit slip.
Oh, hey, there's Noodie.
Maybe he'll sign it.
Oh, hey, Noodie.
Ah! Ah! Ah! It's all right here, - including photos.
- They sauced my phone, but I had already uploaded them to the cloud.
Cloudy with a chance of justice.
Write it up and you've got yourself a byline, Judy.
What are you waiting for? Balloons aren't gonna drop from the ceiling.
Congrats, Judy.
I'm glad you got your story.
Thanks, Ham.
I'm gonna get my byline, and you're gonna be a hero.
You're like Erin Brockovich, but with pasta instead of contaminated water.
More like Erin Pasta-vich.
Oh, that's good.
I'm gonna put that in my article.
Kids, I think I may have spotted pirates off the starboard side.
Now, come on, you two, we can't let them overtake the boat.
Ahoy there, ship guys! Mind if we come aboard? Babe, we're pirates.
You gotta be more intense.
We're gonna cut you from mouth to anus and then stuff yer insides with gold! - Geez, Honeybee.
- See? This is where the cannon would come in handy, Mr.
Is that all you got? You know what? Don't be mad, Moon, but I've decided to switch sides.
I just like their whole vibe or whatever.
Sorry, Dad.
I'm with Bethany.
Argh! Let's filet some Beef! Uh-oh, Dad! Cover your anus! So, Bethany, just because the Careers class assignment is over doesn't mean the good times have to end.
Moon, I really loved my time here, but Career Week is over, and I have to get back to what I usually do after school, - which is absolutely nothing.
- Understood.
Goodbye, Mr.
Goodbye, Moon.
I'll never forget you.
Thanks for doing the pirate adventure, Dad.
I know Bethany's too old for me, but I might ask her out when I'm ready to start dating - in 20 to 34 years.
- You're welcome, son.
I have some great first date suggestions.
For instance, I know a wonderful fallen log off Highway 49.
It's often very dry.
It makes for a delightful sit.
Sorry I blew the whistle on your favorite restaurant, Dad.
That's okay, son.
There's plenty of restaurant fish in the sea.
It's just a bummer.
Working at the restaurant was my dream and it turned out to be a nightmare.
Sometimes that's what working a job is: finding out that that job isn't for you.
Hey, but maybe you'll open your own bakery someday.
Yeah, and you can rinse off the cakes at the end of the night.
You know what? I didn't eat a bite at that restaurant.
I knew something was off when I saw that creepy noodle guy.
I have good people sense, and also good noodle-people sense.
The important thing is that Momma and Poppa learned their lesson.
That place is gonna be shut down for a long time.
Are they open again already?! Minestrone pony! They are! - So, nothing I did meant anything? - Nobody cared about my story? You both did the right thing.
A sad but true fact of life is sometimes you do the right thing and no one cares.
But I am definitely proud of you guys.
Thanks, Dad.
I'm proud of me, too.
So, are we thinking we're eating at MommaPoppa's tonight, or - Wolf, no! - Okay, just checking.
But if you guys want to just drop me off here at the corner I am not gonna go eat there.
Pick me up in an hour? Hey, there, kids and hey, there, parents Hey, there, guy alone named Terrance This is fun for all, not just the foodies - It's a little dance we like to call the Noodie - The Noodie Stand tall like a tube with your legs and feet And wave your one little arm to this funky beat Now spin around and shake it loose You're the funniest noodle in all of Lone Moose Rinse off your body, wash off that sauce Swivel your hips like you're the boss If you're wearing a frown and you're feelin' moody Just cheer yourself up by doin' the Noodie Cheer yourself up by doing the Noodie.

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