The Horror of Dolores Roach (2023) s01e07 Episode Script

Bye, Felicia

So, where we meeting 'em?
[LUIS] Kane 'n Abel's Pizza.
A few blocks from here.
I checked 'em out
after the Gideon thing.
- Mm-hmm.
- Get this, they use duck fat
in their crust.
Yo, I know, right?
We got to check them out 'cause
maybe I can do the same thing
- with the fuck fat in my dough.
- With the what?
You know, dead Fatfuck's fat.
- Not duck fat, fuck fat.
- Okay, shut up.
What the fuck is wrong with you?
Why is everything a fucking joke to you?
It's not a joke.
It's, like, a genius idea.
Gives all my crust that special flavor,
even the vegetarian.
We're supposed to be
getting out, all right? Not
And that's what we're gonna do,
but we're not gonna do it tonight,
you know, I thought
I thought he was gonna bring the check
- when we met them for pizza?
- He is, he is,
but I got to use up
all that meat we got.
That you got me.
- Then, we'll be gone.
- Mami, chill.
Cálmate, okay?
Pretty soon we're gonna
be in our very own
little witness protection situation.
Poof. We're gone.
[DOLORES] Like Dominic.
Yo, Dolores.
Oh, hey, Jeremiah. Hi.
What's up? How you doing?
[DOLORES] I ain't blinking,
man. Move on.
Oh, Jeremiah, get my order?
Back to the usual count of pork butt,
short rib, chicken thighs.
- We Gucci?
- Oh, we Gucci. We real Gucci.
But what is "goodness" but salvation
which comes in stratiform clouds?
- Because
- All right, Jeremiah, we got to go.
[JEREMIAH] Because what
are stratiform clouds
other than a proof of
our existence in the sky?
Which means we are all
each everywhere.
- All right, that's cool. Bye.
- Cool.
- Bye.
- Have a good one.
[DOLORES] Bye, Jeremiah.
He knows, Luis. I told you, man.
Look, no one's gonna believe him.
The dude's more nuts than a
Bellevue full of squirrels.
Yeah, but we're about two
minutes away from somebody
who isn't fucking nuts figuring it out,
- so don't get cocky.
- I'm not.
Hey, D. It's giving double date.
It's giving double date.
Oh, wait, wait, wait.
Look at my hair.
Don't we look cute? Take a picture.
[JONAH] But nothing about
your empanadas,
the-the artisanal qualities,
your personal flair, the subtleties,
none of that will change.
Okay? I-I believe craftsmanship
and profit can coexist.
Hmm, he is so smart, isn't he?
And in the meantime
Listen, I'm a, I'm a little short,
but I cashed out my life savings, okay?
That's a five percent down payment.
Whoa, whoa, bro, 15K?
I thought we said 300.
- I know, I know
- What, you think my legacy
- is worth $15,000?
- 15K is your life savings?
Wait, he can explain.
Look, The-The Property Group funds
are all in my dad's name.
[LUIS] Bro, I used to smoke
up with kids like you
in Greenpoint all the time, papa.
You ain't got, like, a trust?
Well, I haven't heard from
my dad since last week
It's been so upsetting.
[JONAH] I-I need both
my parents to sign off
on accessing my trust.
Just forge the signature.
I can't forge a signature
for-for this kind of withdrawal.
I mean, it involves
fingerprints, a notary.
- [NELLIE] A notary, Luis.
- [JONAH] Yeah.
Hey, I-I got this, guys, okay?
- It's my mom's card.
- Ooh.
- [SERVER] Great, thanks.
- [LUIS] So, wait, wait, wait,
we just got to wait
for your dad
to resurface?
[JONAH] I mean, I
I can't get you more
than this until he does.
But, look, my lawyers
are gonna have to draw
up the contract anyway,
and-and they don't work
for me, they work for him.
We can't wait for you.
I can't wait for your
lawyer or your dad.
- What's the rush? If we just
- [LUIS] Do you know how painful
this is for me?
It's like selling a part of myself, man.
And, I mean, I want to do it.
I want to grow the business,
like we talked about,
but if we got to string
this along, then [SCOFFS]
Nah, man.
No, forget it.
But there's nothing else I can do.
What about the rent?
Well, the-the rent will be
absorbed into the buyout.
No, I mean, while your dad's gone,
somebody's collecting rent on
all your properties, right?
- Of course, yeah.
- All right, so who's in control of that?
- Right now, me.
- He's the boss with the sauce.
- Okay, so just
pay this from the rent, and then,
when your dad gets back,
reimburse him from your trust.
[NELLIE] That's a great idea, D.
Use the-the gross rent revenues?
- Yeah.
- Um
That-That's not really
technically available to me.
I just, I just handle it.
Okay, I got to be honest, Jonah,
either we close this deal tonight,
or we look for another buyer
now that there's interest.
You decide.
Look, I-I'd have to wait
till first of the month.
- That's when the rents are due.
- [DOLORES] We can do that.
- End of the week. We can wait for that.
- Yeah, that's cool.
- Okay.
- Yes.
Okay, deal. Um You'll have the money
by E.O.D. on the first.
Cashier's check.
[JONAH] Yes, yes, cashier's check.
To Empanada Loca and its legacy.
[ALL] Salud.
[DOLORES] This shit is good, Luis.
You really grew this yourself?
Yeah, kinda.
'Cause I figure it's all
gonna be federally legal
in like five seconds anyway,
and no one deserves to profit off it
- more than you.
- I don't get it.
If you got it covered up,
why not just grow it inside?
'Cause it's not legal yet, D, you know.
I can't have that kind
of incriminating shit
inside my fucking apartment.
Oh, but you got chopped-up
bodies downstairs.
You draw the line there?
we are gonna take that
Pearlman money [GRUNTS]
and we gonna buy
ourselves a little casita
in Vermont.
No, no, no, Luis, not Vermont.
Isn't it, like, 95% white?
Right? I thought you said
we were gonna blend in
like witness protection,
that's what you said.
All right, all right, not Vermont.
I don't want Lyme disease anyway.
Oh Colorado.
We can grow some weed,
open up a dispensary
and a spa in the middle of a strip mall
between a Kohl's and
a church. Fresh start.
Who do you want to be in your new life?
I've been thinking about
what I want my name to be.
Uh Felicia.
Okay, you want your name to be Felicia,
- that's weird, but okay.
- No, no, no, no, you gonna be Felicia.
- What?
- See, look. Check it out.
Listen. Ohio still
laminates their licenses.
I made these this morning.
This is how we're gonna
open up the new account.
Dolores is a beautiful name,
but it means sorrow.
And I can't have you sad no more.
Felicia means happy.
- You really had to use my mugshot?
- Mm.
Everything that girl
wanted 16 years ago
Yeah, super fucking naive.
Jesus, I don't want to see this.
- No, no, no, no, no, no.
- No, take it.
No, no, no, no,
'cause now she gonna get it all.
You deserve
a real nice, happy life, Felicia Rocha.
[DOLORES] He's an idiot,
but I believe him.
Who you gonna be?
Check it out.
What the fuck, man?
What kind of stupid-ass name
is Hector Pector, you idiot?
- That's Fatfuck's name.
- No, it isn't.
Yes, it is. It was on his license.
- No, it isn't.
- Yeah, all I do
- is change the picture.
- Okay, but you don't even know
- if he has a-a record
- Damn, mami.
or a warrant out for his arrest.
I can't do anything right with you.
Well, apparently, you cannot.
This a stupid-ass fucking name.
No, no, listen, listen, listen.
I'm not gonna let you push
me away no more, okay?
And I know you trying to do that because
you've been hurt. Hmm?
Okay, I didn't go to college
or nothing like that,
but I love you. Hmm?
I love you.
And I'm not going anywhere, except
on a Greyhound bus to
Colorado with my girl Felicia.
[NELLIE] Dolores, help! Luis!
- There's so much blood!
- What was that?
- What the hell?
- That had better be a sea lion.
- Nellie, we're here.
[DOLORES] Okay. Oh, God.
Oh, my God, what happened?
- Uh
- I fell.
- I'm gonna call 911.
- Ugh.
I was drawing the bath,
and all of a sudden there's
greasy blood pumping out of the drain.
I think I dislocated my leg.
Wait, that's-that's not your blood?
[SOPHIA] You think I'd
still be alive if I bled out
like this? It's those
freaking pipes. You
you don't fix nothing in this house.
You take the money, and you
Doña Sophia, it's fine.
Just relax, just relax.
The same thing has been
happening in my bathroom
all morning. I've called your
office oh, I don't know
- Ten times.
- Blood in the pipes?
- You know what? I'm calling 311.
- I know my tenants' rights.
- No, no, no.
Please, please, don't do that.
I'll-I'll-I'll take care of it.
No, no, check it out. I-I know a bunch
of plumbing shit when
my dad was super here.
You know, let me take care of
it before you make that call.
- Okay.
- Thanks, bud.
Uh, no problem.
They're coming, girl, they're
coming, they're coming.
No, no, they steal my things.
- Uh, what things?
- No, my things.
- It's all garbage.
- Okay.
Doña Sophia, I get it, I get it.
You don't want anyone
in your space. I get that, okay?
So here's what we're gonna do.
Very carefully, we're gonna get you up.
I haven't left the building in in
- [NELLIE] Four years, Grandma.
- [CRYING] I can't leave.
- I can't leave.
- [DOLORES] Yes.
Yes, you can, okay?
I know what it feels like
when you think your space
is the only safe space in the world.
What if I told you we
won't let anyone in?
Okay? Will you trust me?
- Okay. Okay, all right.
- Yeah?
- Okay, guys, come on
- Help me up, help me up.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- I'll bring the paramedics up.
I'm not getting involved in anything.
- Okay, okay.
- Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
- What? What?
My oxygen.
Don't worry, Doña Sophia,
they got plenty of oxygen
at the hospital, all right?
A-And my romance novel,
- the one I'm halfway through.
- Uh-huh.
- [WINCES] My Heart So Wild.
- Okay.
We'll make sure that we have somebody
- bring it for you, all right?
- Okay,
is anybody gonna do anything
about the blood in my bathroom?
- Nope. We're gonna leave it right there.
- ¡Ay, Dios mío! ¡Ay, Dios mío!
- [DOLORES] Okay.
- You're riding along?
- Yes, yes, yes.
Oh, and the nice nice ex-con, too.
- Just breathe, just breathe.
- Just breathe.
If anyone calls 311,
if Jonah calls his plumber
Ah, don't worry,
don't worry, D. I got it.
- Don't worry about a thing.
- Okay.
[PARAMEDIC] Ready? Here we go.
[TV HOST] And we're going for an
Where can I find my MASH? [LAUGHING]
[NELLIE] Uh, how much
fentanyl they give you?
I need coffee.
I'll get it. Stay with your abuela.
[NELLIE] No, no, no, no, it's fine.
- You want anything?
- No, I'm good. Thanks.
You're not as much of a
puta sucia as I thought.
You're not as much of a
vieja pendeja as I thought.
- You okay?
- Mm. [LAUGHS]
I'm sorry I was [SIGHS]
I'm not used to people
knocking on my door anymore.
I get it.
If I could lock myself in that basement
and never leave,
I would.
What'd you want anyway?
Ugh I-I It's so stupid now.
I I just thought
maybe you knew where Dominic is.
Ferret-faced ladies' man? [LAUGHING]
Nah. [COUGHS] Little shit.
He didn't even tell his abuela Elena
where he was at,
just sent a Christmas
present once a year.
No return address, huh?
The young lady who talk funny
dropped things off for him.
- Talked funny? How?
- You know
'Allo, mate. [LAUGHS]
- Like British?
- No, no, more like
Crocodile Dundee.
- Australian?
- Yeah, that was it.
If he was trying to be low-key,
why'd he send a white
girl with an accent
to deliver presents a-and
money to an old Dominican?
It ain't exactly under
the radar. [LAUGHS]
[DOLORES] Dominic with
some Australian white girl?
He barely left the goddamn
Heights. Unless
Georgie used to buy weed from Dominic.
She's the one who introduced us.
What are the odds?
Was her name Georgie?
[DOLORES] Professor Dundee
fights for people
wrongly imprisoned.
Maybe she never fought for me
'cause she was too busy with Dominic.
What are the odds?
Dolores Roach? [CHUCKLES]
[DOLORES] What am I doing here?
God, what are you,
what are you doing here?
I thought that you were
I mean, I heard that y-you were
I was. I was in, uh, prison.
Uh, just got out a few weeks ago.
- Well, I
- I was wondering
- Can we talk?
- I was just leaving,
unfortunately, but rain check?
Are you still in your old neighborhood?
Just only for a few more days.
You don't have, like,
a half hour you can spare?
I, actually I would, but
I have to go meet my kid.
I'm sorry.
Oh, wow. You got a kid?
- Oh, yeah, we don't need to talk about
- How old?
- We don't have to do all that. It's okay.
- Why?
- No, it's
- Why? It's okay.
Walk me to the train.
- Okay.
- Okay. [CHUCKLES]
Dolores, I
I haven't been in touch
with Dominic since, I mean
probably that night uptown
right when you moved in with him,
after your father's funeral.
That was 20 years ago.
Once I stopped smoking pot, he, I guess,
didn't have much use
for me. I think that's
all I meant to him, really.
But then who else could it be?
You know, I mean, it's
not like he had a ton
of white girlfriends with accents.
- What?
Oh, well I didn't see you very much
after that either, did I?
Once you were in his world.
We were so close, and then we weren't
close, and, you know,
that's fine, that's life,
but how would I know
who he was friends with
or not friends with?
Yeah, you're right, I guess, you know.
People drift.
And didn't you say that
lady was on fentanyl?
That's the stuff that killed Prince.
[SIGHS] Yeah, she must not have
- I'm sorry.
- Oh.
I thought of you when Prince died.
How pissed you were at
me that I'd scratched
your Purple Rain CD,
and it kept skipping
at that one song. [LAUGHS]
And I wondered where you
were at that moment. I did.
Same place I was at
for 16 years, Georgie.
Yeah, okay, I know that. I just
I wanted to reach out to you, but
Well it was uncomfortable.
Oh, wow, I'm so sorry
that my prison sentence
- was uncomfortable for you.
- No, I mean,
I didn't even know whether
you wanted to hear from me,
or whether we were friends, or
You know, the other day, I came here,
and I thought I didn't say hi to you
because I was embarrassed
- Don't be embarrassed
- No, stop.
Please let me finish, please.
Now I know I didn't say hi
because I wanted you to eat shit.
That entire time I was rotting
in a cell,
you were making a living
off of pretending to be
a champion for people
just like me, but you
ignored your own friend
when she needed you the most.
- Go fuck yourself, Georgie.
- Mm-hmm.
There it is. That's it. That is why.
Where is it? What is it?
What is it? Why?
People drift?
Fuck, you're mean.
You always were to me.
Oh, God, I'm not the only
person who "drifted" from you.
Who's the common denominator, Dolores?
[DOLORES] Mean? I'm sort of getting
used to "serial killer," but mean?
Oh, what the fuck
happened here?
No, the-the shitty A/C,
it crapped out.
Temperature rose, ice melted,
so all this shit slid into the pipes,
- clogged everything up.
[DOLORES] Why are you
putting it on ice, man?
Just throw that shit in
the river already.
'Cause this is valuable
meat, mami. All right?
Listen, we probably got,
like, a week left
before we got to get out of here.
So all of a sudden we
stop selling Muy Loco
and Muy Loca, you don't think
people are gonna notice?
Especially Jonah? Nah, we
got to keep business strong
if we're gonna get that
white boy's cash, mami.
[DOLORES] It's scary when
he starts to make sense.
- Where you gonna put all this now?
- I'll figure it out.
You want to give me a hand?
But, Luis, anyone can
walk in and find this.
Who anybody?
Health inspector ain't
coming back anytime soon.
Got an A-minus. Nellie laughs in my face
every time I try to get
her to come in here.
I'll just lock up overnight,
I'll fix the A/C,
and I'll move all this shit
back down there tomorrow.
Really? You still need that?
The guanciale I'm making
from his cheeks? [SCOFFS]
You can't even get
shit that good in Rome.
[DOLORES] Oh, Jesus.
Yo, you all right, D?
If you gonna puke,
you got to get out of here.
- No, I'm not gonna
- Food prep, food prep, come on.
Yes, I know, I know.
I'm not, I'm not puking.
I'm just fried.
[CHUCKLES] "Fried."
- You're a jackass, you know that?
- Oh, yeah, I get it.
It seemed like you were
with Sophia for a long time.
I, uh, called the hospital.
They said that visiting
hours ended a while ago.
And that Nellie and Jonah,
they got back here
around an hour and a half ago.
Went to see an old friend.
I thought you didn't know
nobody else around here anymore.
[DOLORES] I didn't think I did.
So, then, who was it?
Luis am I mean?
Do you want to be mean?
No, no.
I mean, you did just call me a jackass,
like, 30 seconds ago, so
Yeah, I'm sorry about
that. I did. Sorry.
No, no. It's okay.
I am a jackass.
I went to go see this
this white girl that used
to be my friend in college.
She's the one that introduced me
to Dominic in the first place.
He used to be our weed dealer.
And I know, I know it's psychotic
that I can't get over
this, I know it is.
No. I-I get it.
Yeah, some things just eat away at us.
No, but I don't want to be this way.
I don't want to be haunted
by some motherfucker
who fucked my life apart.
I don't. I really, real I don't.
I know.
I've killed four people, Luis.
Three with my bare hands.
And I've never felt
so crazy or so ashamed
as when she said
And then I have you,
and you're so, so
I mean, look at what you've done for me.
Look at what you're doing for us.
Giving up this place, your shop.
And I know how much you love this place.
So that's it, I'm done.
I swear to I'm done, man.
No more. No more Dominic.
It's just you and me, man. Okay?
It's just you and me.
Luis, just fuck me, okay?
Just fuck me.
- No, no, no.
- Just fuck me. Why not?
Not here. Not here, not here.
[DOLORES] This guy's done
everything for me
except one fucking thing.
Luis, I got my period, so just
So if you don't want to
do that, just fuck me.
I-I do, I do want to do that.
[DOLORES] Fucking cannibal.
Dolores, this is as close
as I can be to you.
- I want you inside me.
- I want you inside of me.
- No, Dolores. Dolores.
- Come on, fuck me. Fuck me.
- Dolores.
- Fuck me like a man. Fuck me.
Fuck me!
- Stop, stop! Stop!
- Wha-What are you Ah!
My God, what is that? What
Yo, I What, what
I told you not to
I told you not to do that!
- Why did you do that?
- I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
- I said not to fucking do that!
- Sorry.
- I'm sorry.
Okay. Okay, okay.
Okay, okay, okay, okay.
I'm I'm sorry.
- I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
- No, don't be, don't be sorry. I'm sorry.
- I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.
- I'm sorry that I did that.
I'm sorry, okay? It's my fault.
Forgive me, please,
- I'm sorry.
- No, it's okay.
I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.
Did someone do that to you?
Oh, uh, there was an accident,
and it, and it healed wrong.
What kind of accident?
When I was 12
this girl she really liked me,
and, uh, and it ended.
A girl did that to you?
- A woman.
- A woman?
When you were 12? Who?
A teacher? A coach? Who did that?
My father's girlfriend.
Your father's girlfriend
did that to you?
Nah, nah, she-she didn't, um
It was a result of the relationship.
It wasn't a relationship, Luis.
It really wasn't if you were 12.
No, no, no, no, but I-I'm
okay with it, I'm okay with it.
I'm okay with it. I am, you know.
'Cause I didn't even I didn't
even know, like, it was wrong.
Right? And, like, whatever.
It was a long time ago,
you know, whatever.
- Fuck it. Fuck her, right?
- Right.
Did you ever tell anyone?
My dad. Uh, he, he found out.
Then she left.
She left him.
And they were together, like, ten years,
and, uh, he really loved her.
He really especially after
my mom left us.
And I-I fucked it up for him.
No, you didn't fuck it up.
- That's not true, Luis.
- No, I did. I caused it.
You didn't fuck it up. It wasn't you.
Of course I did, of course I did.
I-I fucking [PANTING]
I broke apart my family, our family.
A-And because of that, I-I
I tried to, you know
I tried to cut it off.
'Cause it was the whole,
the whole thing, you know.
The whole problem was, like,
I, like, fucking enjoyed it and shit.
I tried to do it with
a knife, and, um

[SOBS] I really couldn't cut through it.
I couldn't cut through it,
and, and I
and I was bleeding so much,
and I was gonna pass out
before I could finish it.
So I took a ladle of
hot oil from the fryer,
and I just poured it all down.
Oh, I'm a fucking fucking freak.
Oh, God!
We've both been burned, Luis.
We both got scars.
You ain't got nothing to be ashamed of.
I want to taste you, mami.
[DOLORES] Who can sleep
between the blood in the water,
and Sophia and Dominic
and Georgie, and Luis's accident,
and our escape so close?
[JONAH] I haven't had
this kind of energy
since Rebecca Weiner let me feel her up
after her bat mitzvah.
Do I need to pull up on Rebecca Weiner?
[JONAH] Definitely not, no.
Can I kiss you again?
[JONAH] Can I stay with you tonight?
Just for support. I'll stay
in the living room.
[NELLIE] Have you seen the living room?
[JONAH] I just want you to feel safe.
[DOLORES] Maybe he'll come through.
Maybe he and Nellie will
run the shop together.
Maybe we'll make it out of this okay.
What are the odds?
[DOLORES] Somebody's upstairs.
You don't own the place yet.
Oh, I'm sorry. Is this okay?
Um, I-I wanted to surprise Nellie
with breakfast in bed,
but her kitchen up there
- I know.
- Yeah.
I've seen people store
things in their ovens,
but not usually their microwaves, too.
I like that you're invested.
I like that Nellie's happy, seriously.
So do I.
[DOLORES] Yeah, what are the odds?

[DOLORES] I swear that was locked!
[DOLORES] Bye, Felicia.
Previous EpisodeNext Episode