The Horror of Dolores Roach (2023) s01e06 Episode Script

1
So good to meet you, Mrs. Morris.
I used to live with your dead
friend's grandson, Dominic,
and I'm hoping you can help me find him
so I can strangle his ass
with my bare hands
for cheating on me and setting me up
to take the fall for him for 16 years.
I told you, kid,
I'm not interested in
being on the radio.
Oh, no, I'm not
I-I brought you some empanadas.
You better not be a Jehovah's Witness.
I left you people in '72.
It turns out, I like Christmas.
No, I'm not
I'm not a Jehovah's Witness.
I'm, like, uh
Hi. Hi, Mrs. Morris,
I'm Dolores Roach
Are you even serious?
- I'm a friend of your
- Oh, I know exactly
- who you are.
- Oh, you do?
- And you got some nerve showing up here.
- I do?
- After what you did to Dominic?
- What I did to Dom
No, I don't think you
I don't think you know the whole story.
- With all due respect
- Mm.
You did or did not serve time
at New York State Correctional Facility
for possession with intent
and assaulting a cop?
- Yeah, I did. I did do that.
- Mm-hmm.
- You embarrassed your man.
- Wait, what?
And his abuela. The entire neighborhood
was talking about you for months.
Please, can I just
Can I Can I explain to you?
Uh, look, I brought snacks.
My friend died in shame.
Vete pa' el carajo, puta sucia.
What? What?
If I could just explain
Jesus, I am recording in here.
Do you not understand Oh, sorry.
Oh, do you have
a, uh, like, 3:00 p.m. available?
Okay, great.
Just keep it down. For me.
You know, I'm just at my work. Okay, bye.
If I can't kill Dominic, goddamn,
I'd love to scratch that
itch with podcast boy.
I'm a puta sucia?
Only for fucking her friend's
grandson's double-dipping dick.
Fucking smart-ass Luis.
Nellie will help me.
I don't need Sophia to like me,
I just need her to tell me
what she knows about Dominic.
I didn't, like, go to Wharton,
but I-I didn't not go to Wharton,
you know what I mean?
Okay, I-I took a ton
of business classes there
while I was at Penn,
and I've got a real head for it,
like my dad,
so-so just know that I
know what I'm talking about
- when I say this, okay?
- Sure.
Franchising.
I I know what you're thinking.
Uh, I don't think you do, man.
I see so much potential in this place.
Luis, imagine Muy Loco
and Muy Loca empanadas
in every neighborhood.
Okay, I-I took a leap
and I had these made,
all right?
Welcome to Empanada Loca,
may I take your order?
Wow, y'all rehearse that?
- Mm-hmm.
- Hey, thanks.
So, uh, where you think
you're gonna put a
drive-through in Manhattan?
Well you're already in Manhattan, right?
Next is Jersey, the
whole tristate area
across the world, even.
You're thinking too small.
And you, my friend,
are not thinking at all.
Well, I didn't mean
I am an artiste, okay?
My work is bespoke.
You think they would
franchise Wolfgang Puck?
- Well, actually
- Yeah, but I get it, though, bro.
I get it, man.
You think because you are who you are
and I am who I am, that I can be bought.
- No. No, no, no, no, no
- Well, you know what, you don't realize
that is some real privileged,
colonialist thinking.
I am not for sale. I cannot be bought.
I am not catering to the masses,
which would be a decline in my quality,
just for you to go ahead
and culturally appropriate
my work and make money off of my legacy.
You got that?
Luis, you'd make money, too.
- Tell him, Dolores, it's a good idea.
- Nah, girl.
I don't want to get in
the middle of this one.
I'm sorry.
Yeah, I'm-I'm sorry.
I-I was just, um, inspired
by-by the way you care about this place.
Yeah? Well, go inspire yourself
out the damn door, then, okay?
Okay, I'll get out of your hair.
I'll get out of your hair.
Jonah, it was such a good idea.
You were Jonah, you were
doing such a good job.
Luis, he was just trying to help.
- For who? Himself?
- No, both of you.
He doesn't want to work
for his father anymore,
and he just wants to do
- his own thing.
- Oh, yeah?
Oh, his own thing?
How would you know that, huh?
What the hell's going
on between you two?
Well, we're just vibin' or whatever.
Oh. They just vibin' or whatever.
Oh, fuck, now he'll never leave.
You should think about it.
Yeah. Enjoy your fifth lunch break.
Banana.
Oh, yeah, um, somebody from
Hudson University called this morning,
and they were asking about,
uh, your application.
Oh, yeah. All right, yeah, that's, um
I'm gonna get to that.
Thank you, thank you.
Shit, man.
So busy today, right?
I know, right?
Who knew that Caleb Sweetzer dude
had, like, a actual following?
- By the way
- Mm-hmm?
where'd you go this morning?
I just went upstairs to,
uh, talk to Sophia.
Why?
'Cause I wanted to see if
she knew where Dominic is.
Thought you were off that shit.
I'm not "on" that shit.
Like, I don't satisfy you?
Not if all you do is bite my thighs
and lick up your own come.
Come on, man, it doesn't have
anything to do with you.
Well, if we keep doing what we're doing,
- yeah, it is.
- No.
Well, you said you didn't want
to see me hurt anymore, right?
- So I got to go and find out
- Well, what about my feelings?
Why the fuck is this
about your feelings?
Oh, I'm not allowed to feel feelings?
Of course you're allowed
to feel feelings.
I feel things. I feel things, mami.
I feel things for you.
Like I want to be with you.
But if you want to go ahead
and be with somebody else
I don't. I don't, though.
- I don't.
- Yo!
- You ready for me, mami?
- Sorry?
I got an appointment in a few minutes.
Yeah, for Hector. That's me.
What, you thought my
mama named me Fatfuck?
Nah, mami, that was
my first grade teacher.
Well, can you come back, please?
'Cause we're kind of
- in the middle of something
- Nah, we good.
We good. She free.
- Do what you got to do.
- Oh, I'm free? Oh, thank you.
Thank you so much,
I'm so glad I got your permission.
Zángano.
You know, I don't usually get
time in the middle of the day
for a massage, but
my boss is, like, MIA.
Go ahead, Hector. Ladies first.
Oh, I'm not taking my eyes off
of you for one second, shithead.
Damn.
So down here's where
the magic happens, huh?
If you think you're getting a hand job,
you can turn right back the fuck around.
I didn't mean it like that.
These magic hands might have
to squeeze that neck so hard,
a dove pops out his ass.
The table or the bed?
Are you fucking kidding me?
Nah, nah, I didn't mean it like that.
You really are a hard-ass bitch,
and I don't mean that in
a bad way neither, mami.
Marcie a hard-ass bitch, too.
Or she was.
Yeah?
So where's she at?
No fucking clue.
She been riding me
for three years straight, so
figured I could use a break.
This baby can hold me, right?
Oh, it's held at least as much.
I'm gonna get ready.
You undress to the
level of your comfort.
You seen this Ruthie bitch
that's been poking around?
Yeah.
What about her?
'Cause, yo,
she said there's actually
two people missing,
Marcie and some dude, Pearl-something.
Oh, yeah?
Uh, you think, uh, they're connected?
I don't know.
That's why I came down here to see you.
Say it, motherfucker, I dare you.
Say this was the last
place your boss was seen.
You got any allergies
I should know about?
Just nuts.
That's how you know I ain't gay.
All right,
I'm gonna have to go under your shirt.
Cool.
Oh, damn, shorty.
Shit.
Mmm.
You know, I didn't know what to expect,
'cause Marcie really thought
this whole shit was a front,
you know, 'cause you worked for
that bitch Dominic or whatever.
Oh, it's like he wants me to do it.
Fuck, I'm, like,
getting a little dizzy, though.
It's just the blood circulating.
Take a deep breath.
Nah, for real.
I'm, like
What's-what's in that oil?
It's coconut.
I told you I'm a allergic.
It's To-to nuts!
It's Coconut is a fruit!
It's not a nut!
- No! No, no
- Oh, Jesus fuck,
I didn't mean it.
Fuck, fuck, fuck.
- Hector! What?
- Epi!
- Epi! Epi, epi!
- What are you fucking saying?
- What, is it What?
- Epi!
Okay, what, what? Shit,
you got a lot of shit! What the fuck!
I wasn't really gonna kill him,
I just meant, like, if I had to.
Huh? What the hell? Okay.
Where? You got a lot of pockets, bro.
Oh, how do I use this thing?
How do I fucking use it?
Okay, I'm trying! Okay!
What What, do I
I just probably put it
in your heart like
like Pulp Fiction? Right?
Hector? Come
No, no, no, no! Hector!
Hector!
What the fuck? No.
Another one's dead. Goddamn it.
If somebody had to die on my table,
I wanted to use my own
This candle smells so nice.
Like cinnamon.
Oh
I mean, up until recently,
I didn't even know the word "empanada."
Is this your first time having one?
Mr. Pearlman had, uh, asked us
about some concerns and
asked us to stop by.
Oh. Well, the more
unexpected, the better.
That way you get to see how
immaculate I keep this place
on a daily basis, even
when it gets busy.
You do seem very popular.
Well, that's 'cause, and I mean this,
we serve the community.
Just like the sign says.
That's my secret.
Oh, Dolores, come here. Come here.
Wha What's going on?
Uh, Shayna, meet Dolores Roach,
Magic Hands herself.
Dolores, Shayna Goldwin,
health inspector
keeping New York safe and clean.
- It's good to meet you, Shayna.
- How'd it go with Hector?
- He's gone now.
- That was quick.
Oh.
That is interesting.
Very interesting.
Let me finish here with Ms. Goldwin,
then I want to hear all about that.
Sure thing. Sure thing.
It's a pleasure to meet you,
Health Inspector.
Shayna, welcome to my kitchen.
Fucking health inspector?
How am I gonna get him off the table
alone with her upstairs?
What the fuck?
- I never don't find them.
- Oh, G
Ruthie, what are you I mean
You scared the shit out of me.
I got something I got
to talk to you about.
I know, Dominic's still alive,
but I don't really have time right now.
- I'm sorry, it's a bad time.
- Dominic's alive?
That'd be a twist.
That's not why you're here?
No.
I'm here for this.
Those texts from father to son,
the spelling, the cadence,
it was all off.
So I get my hands on the phone records,
and it says that those texts came from
a cell tower in Gowanus, Brooklyn.
Now, that's odd.
Awfully far from any of his properties.
So I schlep out there,
and what do you know?
The phone is just sitting on a bench
by the LIRR that goes to Ronkonkoma,
like it was waiting there for me.
So I unlock it on the third try
Last four digits of his Social
And there's an app on there
that's connected to
his pacemaker.
Isn't technology wonderful?
I-If you're looking for Jonah,
he's not here,
but you could probably
ask Nellie upstairs
See, the app tracks the
location of the pacemaker,
and it tells me that
said pacemaker is here.
So I says to myself, I says,
"Ruthie, that doesn't add up."
The man's got gambling
debts in Atlantic City,
a phone in Gowanus,
and his heart in Washington Heights?
No.
That's why I don't trust those things,
the phone, because they're
"Last little mouse in the trap."
Dame Agatha Christie's
longest-running play in the world.
You got anything you want to
get off your chest, Dolores?
It would be in your best interest
to walk away now.
Really?
Where are you going? No.
Dolores,
what has thou done?
Get off!
Come on!
What's going on down there?
Ah, it's just Dolores down there,
you know, doing aerobics.
She's got to stay in shape
to give massages all day long, right?
And she's your business
partner only, or ?
Come on, go work.
Go to work, come on. Dale.
Come on. We got global cuisine to sell.
All right, I want to show
you something real quick.
I don't like to brag, but nobody
organizes their meat like I do.
This right here is, uh,
Dominican steak
Low-rent bitch.
I don't want to be a serial killer!
Well, Mr. Batista
Luis, please. Mr. Batista
was my old man.
That basement is strictly residential,
- correct?
- That is correct.
You do have some dry goods
down there, though, don't you?
If there is any food
storage at all down there,
I'm duty-bound to get my
eyes on it before I go.
Looks like you're just trying
to get into my apartment now, right?
Never mind, I'm sorry.
Uh, we will go down to
the basement soon, Shayna!
We will go down to the
basement soon, real soon,
but before we do that, uh,
I cannot let you leave my kitchen
without showing you my babies.
Check this out. Everybody
thinks that Japanese knives
are the way to go, but,
nah, what you really want
are German blades.
Why won't this lady fucking die?
Okay. Okay, Roach,
I got to level with you.
You put up a good fight,
but you don't get to be as old as I am
in the business that I'm in
if you're not prepared to gut someone
like a pig, and I am,
and I have, and I will again,
so you're gonna let me
walk right out of here,
and we're both gonna
pretend that none of this
- ever happened.
- You think I'm stupid?
I let you walk out of here,
you go straight to the cops.
You think I'm stupid?
You think I want
the cops in my business?
Look, I don't want to kill you.
And you don't want to kill me,
'cause I haven't missed
a matinee in 18 years,
five months and three days.
People will notice,
people who don't just carry stun guns.
I got a following.
So are we okay here?
Pulp Fiction, bitch? Really?
Fuckin' die.
"Out, out, brief candle."
Act five,
scene five.
Watch your step
Oh, my. Okay.
Oh, and, uh, all dry storage
is over here in my private pantry,
cleanest place in the building.
Oh, and that right there is a, uh,
a busted smoke alarm.
Yeah, started going off last night,
but I picked up batteries this morning.
- That's a safety violation, right?
- Yeah.
But I, uh, I'll let it pass,
as long as you get
that broken step fixed.
- Consider it done.
- Good.
Wait, what about that room?
Oh, uh, that's nothing.
Dolores's bedroom. Her little spa.
There's no food storage in there.
Maybe I'll have to come
back sometime for a massage.
Yes, yes, you will. Another day.
Yes, you will. Absolutely, you will.
Okay.
Oh, fuck. Not again. Fuck.
Dolores? It's just me.
We got an A-minus, yo.
Oh
Mami's been busy.
These are gonna make so
many fucking empanadas.
But I got to butcher
them both in a few hours,
or else we can't use them.
'Cause, like, ideally, mami,
you could have spread these two out,
'cause this is gonna be, like,
a challenge, even for me.
I didn't bring her here.
She found me, okay?
Look, Dolores, that's her job.
Yo, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
- What are you doing? Yo.
- I'm doing what you
should have done in the first place
when you took it out
of his fucking chest,
you fuckface!
Okay, whoa. Oh, oh, oh.
Okay, which one of us
- Which one of us hired her
- The only reason this is happening is because
- to find the shitbag criminal
- you left the fucking phone
ex-boyfriend, okay, huh?
- What the fuck did you think would happen
- And that idea was brilliant
- when you brought a finder into our lives?
- In comparison to you keeping the fucking
pacemaker as a trophy,
- which led that bitch right here.
- Okay, okay.
Mira, mira.
You can either antagonize
or you can collaborize.
- Oh, Jesus fucking Christ.
- Okay?
Whew!
I once used a prison toilet
during a salmonella outbreak,
but this is the most revolting
thing I've ever seen.
This is gonna be a minute.
Body this size
Got, like, eight quarts of blood in it.
Yo, yo, if you're gonna puke,
you got to get out of here.
This is a food prep space, okay?
Do not contaminate my meat.
- All right?
- Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
Oh, hey, girl.
There was a lot of noises
coming from down there.
Are you okay?
I need air.
I need a baptism in the filthy river.
I need a lobotomy.
Jesus Christ, and now there
are two more dead people
who will have even more live
people looking for them.
Dolores! Dolores, you okay?
You okay?
I didn't see you.
I promise I didn't see you.
Can you walk? Are you sure?
Lean on me.
If you're following me,
you're not being
particularly chill about it.
I was,
but I lost you at a light.
- Seriously?
- Shh-shh-shh.
Anybody can triangulate
you through radio waves:
the Pentagon,
anybody.
What? Are you high, man?
No, I'm not Luis.
I like being able to think.
Talia says that you need a clear head
in order to tap into
the universal fabric.
- Who's Talia?
- My wife.
I didn't know you were married.
Yeah, she died.
Oh, Jeremiah
No, well, it was just her body.
I know you know what I mean.
Just a body.
Look, the body's just a container.
Right?
I know you see these
these things the way I do.
I know you do.
'Cause
I know what you're doing, Dolores.
I know what you're doing.
What are you talking about?
So, you just got out of
prison for a violent offense,
and you're not back here a week
before the landlord goes missing,
and then, all of a sudden,
Luis is making some new kind of empanada
that neither his dad nor he
made a day before in their life,
with meat that they didn't get from me
or anybody else that I know.
Then the local dealer
who hasn't stepped off
that block in the last 15 years
so much as to take a piss, is gone.
Then you take your little trip
up to New York State Correctional.
I followed you.
I was visiting a friend.
Then Ruthie shows up, and there's no way
you can tell me that that
girl ain't connected.
Okay, you got to stop with
this conspiracy theory shit.
What are you saying?
What am I saying? What am I saying?
I'm saying that food services like mine
are getting squeezed out.
I'm saying
that I'm drowning in IOUs.
I am saying
that I got people
that I want disappeared, too.
I'm saying I saw that musical
with that lady from Murder, She Wrote.
I'm saying I want in.
Oh, my God.
I broke Jeremiah.
Jeremiah
you got it so wrong.
Oh, God.
Oh, God.
He's making you do
this against your will,
isn't he?
Blink twice.
Blink twice,
and I will smuggle you into
the back of that truck,
take you over the bridge,
and you can run away to anywhere
you want to run away to.
Thank you for the steak.
I got to go.
Like killing people's not bad enough,
now I made that sweet
man think it's okay?
It's got to end.
Hey. Hey,
I thought something happened to you.
I was worried.
Listen, man,
I just doubled the body count.
And there's no way that, any minute,
there won't be three more Jonahs
walking in that door, looking for family
and friends and drug dealers.
But we could build a whole
new life together, Luis,
you and me.
How are we gonna do that?
You're gonna accept Jonah's offer.
Not to franchise,
but you're gonna let him buy you out
and then we're gonna take that money,
and then we're gonna run.