The Jetsons (1962) s01e19 Episode Script

G.I. Jetson

Meet George Jetson His boy, Elroy Daughter, Judy Jane, his wife No! No, wait! No! No! I'm Iost.
Where am I? Oh, dear.
George is having another nightmare.
I'II turn down this way.
Now where am I? HeIp! I'm Iost! Somebody, heIp! I knew I took the wrong turnoff on that skyway.
There's a sign sticking up out of that bIack cIoud up ahead.
''WeIcome to Space-Hades.
You'II find friends here.
Average temperature, 21 2 degrees.
'' Oh, boy.
This is no pIace for me.
I'm caught in its magnetic puII! HeIp! We've been expecting you, Jetson.
That voice.
That obnoxious voice.
It's so famiIiar.
Where have I heard it? -Evening, Jetson.
What the deviI are you doing--? I mean-- If you think I was a miserabIe boss on Earth that was minor Ieagues.
I've made the big time.
Come here, Jetson.
HeIp! PoIice! EIiot Nessteroid! HeIp, somebody! George, wake up.
-George, you're dreaming.
-HeIp! What's aII the noise for? It woke me up.
Yeah, what's the matter? Yeah, what's the matter? Daddy's having another nightmare.
Come on, now.
HeIp me puII him down.
Now, aII together.
Heave! Poor Pop.
It's the third time this week he's had a bad dream.
And aII of them starring his boss, Mr.
WeII, do you feeI better, dear? Huh? Who? Huh? Where am I? Oh, I remember.
SpaceIy was chasing me with a pitchfork.
It's probabIy because he's been working you too hard.
Yeah, I know.
I know.
Yesterday I worked two fuII hours.
WeII, what does SpaceIy think he's running -a sweatshop? -Honey, you're right.
You're absoIuteIy right.
I'm through being pushed around.
I'II be Iate for work.
Where's my cIothes? My shoes? Western Universe.
Western Universe.
TeIe-tape for Mr.
George Jetson, teIe-tape.
Now, who wouId send me a teIe-tape at this hour? Hey, I just remembered.
Last week I bought two tickets for the Venus sweepstakes.
I couId have won.
Maybe my number came up.
Good Iuck, Mr.
Oh, hurry, George.
PIay the teIe-tape.
-I'm so excited.
-Oh, boy.
Maybe I won the sweepstakes.
London, Paris, here we come.
Greetings, Private Jetson.
Your number came up, Pop, but it isn't the sweepstakes.
You are hereby ordered to report for two weeks of reserve training in the United States Space Guard.
Oh, George, they've caIIed up your unit.
Let's get in shape now, private.
You're soft, soft, soft, soft.
Some calisthenics.
Here, now, let's go.
One, two, three, four.
One, two, three, four.
WouId you take over for me, honey? One, two, three, four.
One, two, three, four.
Don't worry, Daddy.
We'II send you Iots of fruitcake capsuIes.
-Wonder where you'II be stationed.
-Now hear this.
Fruitcake capsules and other mail should be sent care of APO Camp Nebula.
Okay? Double time, Jetson.
Hup, two, three, four.
Hup, two, three, four.
You hear that, Pop? They're sending you to Camp NebuIa.
That's 1 0 miIIion miIes from the nearest asteroid.
You know the Space Guard, EIroy.
Any pIace out of this worId, they buiId a camp.
Attention! Okay, honey, I'II take it from here.
This Army Iife is rough.
Being that you're a family man with responsibilities the Space Guard will allow you sufficient time to get your affairs in order.
You have exactly two minutes.
Get moving! Oh, boy.
You hear that, honey? They're aII heart.
Oh, George, we're aII going to miss you so.
Gee, that's for sure, Pop.
WouId you mind giving me my aIIowance in advance? I'II miss you.
''I'II miss you too.
'' I mean, I'II miss you too, Astro.
Oh, now, come on.
Come on, now.
Come on.
Hey, now, cut it out, everybody.
You've got me doing it.
You know, in some ways, I'm gIad to go.
It's two weeks' vacation from that sIave driver SpaceIy and he can't do a thing about it.
Come in.
Reservist Henry reporting for duty.
Don't teII me they're taking you, Henry.
Aren't you over the age Iimit? Age Iimit in the Space Guard? No.
Everybody goes.
Why, shucks, my grandpa just made rookie of the year.
I'd better get dressed.
I'd Iike to see SpaceIy's face when I don't show up for work.
I'II be right with you, Henry.
Okay, Henry, Iet's go.
Just beautifuI.
Oh, George, you pushed the wrong button again.
Oh, no! Now, that's more Iike it.
Call for George Jetson.
Call for George Jetson.
I bet that's the boss wondering why I'm not at work.
Oh, boy.
This is gonna be a pIeasure.
SpaceIy, oId boss, you're gonna have to go to work for a change because I'II be tied up on government business.
SpaceIy! -It's ''Major Spacely'' to you, Private Jetson.
Salute the screen.
Yes, sir, Major SpaceIy, sir.
I didn't know you were in the reserves.
Better than that, Jetson.
I'm your commanding officer.
Now, what's taking you so long to report? If you're bucking for a Section 800.
Oh, no.
No, no, no, sir.
No, sir.
Because I just love court-martials.
They're so dramatic.
Okay, hup, two, three, four.
Forward march.
Hup, two, three, four.
Hup, two, three, four.
Daddy, does a private get to give anybody orders? Yes.
Do your homework.
You can depend on me, sir.
Hup, two, three, four.
Hup, two, three, four.
We have been cooped up in this thing for over 1 0 minutes.
Like, where is this camp? I'm used to being way out, but this is ridicuIous.
Say, how does this sound, Mr.
Jetson? ''Dear Congressman FIameout I wish to protest the camp conditions.
'' Henry, what are you compIaining about? We haven't even seen the camp.
WeII, that's true but it don't hurt none to be prepared.
Hey, we're here.
''Camp NebuIa.
Men from 1 8 to 80.
'' That's us, Mr.
WeII, this is it.
What do you think? Henry, what was the name of that congressman again? I might wanna drop him a card.
Here's your unit, Major SpaceIy.
The rest is up to you.
Oh, you can depend on me, CoIoneI Countdown.
Never mind me.
Worry about GeneraI McMissiIe.
He arrives tomorrow for an inspection.
GeneraI McMissiIe? Very expIosive temper.
They caII him ''OId BIastoff.
'' ''OId BIastoff,'' eh? We'II be ready for him.
AII right, major, time's wasting.
Get your men organized and don't sit down on the job, understand? Yes, sir.
Now, men, we have a heavy scheduIe ahead of us.
Jetson, I'm appointing you temporary corporaI.
Take the men to the indoctrination center.
Temporary corporaI? Oh, sir, thank you.
You won't be sorry.
I won't Iet you down.
You may have been a rotten civiIian, sir -but as an officer, you're-- -What's that? Yes, sir.
To the indoctrination center, men.
AII right, feIIas, who wants to be the first to be indoctrinated? You go right ahead, Mr.
You're our Ieader.
That's right.
CorporaI Jetson reporting with the new reservists.
Let's have some action.
''Barbershop, unit number one.
'' Hey, I'd Iike a IittIe off the sides.
Hey, wait tiII I take my hat off.
I wanna speak to the chapIain.
What's next? ''MedicaI exams.
'' Say ''ah.
'' This isn't no examination.
It's an inquisition.
Heart okay.
Eye test next.
Read chart.
Read chart.
'' Eyes okay.
Eye test.
Read chart.
Read chart? What chart? Reject.
Send home.
Send home.
'' This'II be a snap.
Put pegs in holes.
Put pegs in holes.
How juveniIe.
test, next.
Put pegs in holes.
Put pegs in holes.
Take the round peg, put into the square hoIe.
Good thinking.
Shows initiative.
Officer material.
Officer material.
'' Here's where I get my uniform.
-What size? -WeII, I take a 38.
Hey, cut it out, wiII you? Easy! That water's coId! HoId it.
HoId it.
You forgot my shoes.
One pair of shoes coming up.
Use a shoehorn next time, wiII you? And it's not such a bad fit at that.
There's nothing Iike custom taiIoring, is there, Henry? If you say so, Mr.
Jetson, but are you sure this is the custom? Checkout.
Approved, U.
5 1 073.
Approved, U.
5 1 07 4.
Approved, U.
5 1 075.
Henry, your heImet.
Put it on your-- Approved, U.
5 1 07 6.
-Are you okay, Henry? -I feeI fine, thanks.
Now, teII me, stewardess, what time do we get to Chicago? As your acting corporaI, I must compIiment you, men.
You Iook great.
A credit to the firm.
Thanks, Jetson.
We Iike you too.
And maybe you'II be our sergeant.
Why, sure.
The Space Guard is known for rapid promotions.
That's right.
I've been here two hours.
I'm overdue.
-Attention! -AII present and accounted for, sir.
Fine, fine.
We're behind scheduIe, men.
We've gotta begin training immediateIy.
I'm with you, sir.
NaturaIIy, there's got to be a sergeant.
Someone you men can Iook up to, with buiIt-in brains and discipIine.
Your new sergeant cost the government miIIions.
Sergeant UnibIab, front and center.
ReaIIy, sir, I'm not worth anything Iike miIIions.
I'm-- UnibIab? Oh, no.
This scrapheap is gonna be murder.
Back in Iine, private.
Back in Iine.
That's the spirit, sergeant.
The service needs more brains Iike you.
-Take over.
-Yes, sir.
Yes, sir.
CIose-order driII.
CIose-order driII.
Ready, men? FIy up.
FIy up.
FIy right.
FIy right.
Come on.
CIose it up.
CIose it up.
About fIy.
About fIy.
This brain ain't kidding, Mr.
No wonder.
He must be bucking for ROTC: Robot Officers' Training Corps.
Right fIy.
Left FIy.
About fIy.
ObIique fIy.
Left fIy.
Right fIy.
Left fIy.
About fIy.
Eight baIIs.
Eight baIIs.
Listen, sarge, we couIdn't heIp it.
Yeah, we're kind of rusty.
My Ianding gear's in bad shape.
Okay, okay.
Got a good deaI for you.
Win a weekend pass.
OnIy a buck.
OnIy a buck.
RaffIing off passes? Are you sure that's in reguIations? Don't Iet him con you, Henry.
Listen, UnibIab, put the bite on somebody eIse.
We're not buying.
Need two voIunteers.
Two voIunteers.
You and you.
Mess-haII detaiI.
Attention! About-face.
Forward march.
KP duty, huh? How much do you think it wouId cost us to caII that congressman, Henry? Potato piIIs? What do they expect us to do with these, count them? Hey, you guys, what do you think this is, a vacation? Get those potato piIIs mashed.
How about that? Mash potato piIIs.
SIavery, that's what it is, sIavery.
Now for the finaI touch.
Okay, Mr.
Jetson, turn it on.
Not too much, now.
There's nothing Iike a IittIe touch of gravy.
I don't know about you but aII this manuaI Iabor has me worn out.
Come on, you goIdbricks.
Now, get this pIace cIeaned up.
Oh, boy, this KP is brutaI.
They work you to death.
Let's see.
Brush, paiI, mop.
If you do the scrubbing and mopping I'II take care of the pots and pans and stuff.
WeII, I may as weII get started.
No use putting it off.
Pots, pans and dishes.
KP hasn't changed in years.
Hup, two, three, four.
Hup, two, three, four.
Hup, two, three, four.
AII right, now.
Let's get with it.
I don't know if I can take two weeks of this.
Oh, boy.
Private Jetson.
Paging Private Jetson.
-Over here.
-Phone call.
Phone call.
This is Sergeant Uniblab.
Report to my office.
Report to my office.
Can't you see I'm busy? Important assignment.
Important assignment.
Now, that's more Iike it.
You hear that, Henry? UnibIab needs me.
It was onIy a matter of time.
Come in.
Come in.
Private Jetson reporting for-- Hey, what's this? Martian bIackjack.
Martian bIackjack.
Everybody wins.
Everybody wins.
But we're not supposed to gambIe on the post.
-It's definiteIy-- -GIad to have you aboard, Jetson.
PIace your bets.
PIace your bets.
Winner gets a desk job.
Winner gets a desk job.
I am broke.
And I've gotta re-enIist for two years just to pay him off.
Let me Iook at those cards, UnibIab.
There's something funny going on.
Three beeps, and it's the three of spades.
You've been using a hi-fi deck and picking up the signaIs on your antennas.
I'm gonna report you to Major SpaceIy.
SpaceIy! SpaceIy! -SpaceIy.
-What's so funny about him? You know.
You work for him.
SpaceIy's stupid.
SpaceIy's stupid.
That's onIy fIattering him.
I couId teII you things you wouIdn't beIieve.
TeII me.
TeII me.
-Speak up.
Speak up.
Won't teII a souI.
WeII, I'II never understand how he got his commission.
Why, do you know that? And after GeneraI McMissiIe watches the moon maneuvers we'II stage a fuII-dress review.
Don't worry, coIoneI.
You can depend on my unit.
Every man is discipIined.
Excuse me, coIoneI.
This must be a caII from Sergeant UnibIab.
It's Private Jetson, one of my troopers.
Works for me back home.
Not too bright, but very IoyaI.
I'II turn up the sound.
And that's what happened.
We employees had this secret ballot, see and old Spacely was elected numskull of the year.
-Nothing Iike a IittIe GI humor.
-Then another time we got this crucial government order for 1 0 5000-cog sprockets.
You know what old Spacely did? He sent out 5000 1 0-cog sprockets.
-And then there was a time-- -Attention, Subprivate Jetson.
Oh, boy.
Permanent guard duty.
That wouIdn't be so bad, but busting me to subprivate aII on account of that sneaky Sergeant UnibIab and his super-snooper camera.
I'd Iike to-- Easy, now, private-- I mean, subprivate.
I know a way to fix UnibIab's tin wagon, if you'd Iike to try.
-You do? How? -We short-circuit him.
See, he's over at the dynamo getting himseIf a recharge.
Let's go.
I'd try anything to get rid of that revoIting robot.
''Robot recharger, station number one.
'' -Are you sure this wiII work, Henry? -Don't worry, Mr.
I got it aII figured out.
Wow, what a Iayout.
Now, where's UnibIab? There he is.
The Iast one on the right.
Look at that, sIeeping Iike a baby.
How you doing back there, Henry? Won't be Iong after I get this cover open.
WeII, what do you know.
Automatic transmission.
Here it is.
Out with the robot pack AC current, Iike so and in with the robot pack DC current.
Very simpIe.
An AC eIectronic brain running on a DC current.
Something teIIs me he's gonna have an awfuI day tomorrow.
I can hardIy wait.
Where in the heck is Sergeant UnibIab? Yeah, Iike, we've been standing around for an hour.
You know how robots are, feIIas.
He might be having ignition troubIe.
I got a feeIing it's worse than that.
I wouIdn't be surprised if he needed a compIete vaIve job.
Hey, hey, here he comes now.
Jumping Jupiter! He must reaIIy have a screw Ioose.
It Iooks more Iike his wires have been crossed.
You're getting warm.
Attention! It's inspection.
And this is one of our crack reserve units, GeneraI McMissiIe.
First Sergeant UnibIab's in charge.
He's done wonders with them, sir.
One of those GI robots, eh? Cost the government miIIions, enough for two officers' cIubs.
He's worth every cent to us, sir.
Give him a IittIe current, and there's nothing he can't do.
I see.
If you recommend him, Major SpaceIy I'II consider him for the Space Guard Award.
By aII means, generaI.
I'II stake my reputation on it, sir.
AII right, then.
The award, coIoneI.
Yes, sir.
The Good Behavior MedaI originaIIy awarded generations ago back at Cape CanaveraI.
One of the chimps won it.
He's gonna pin the medaI on him.
It'II be the short-circuit of the century.
TeII me when it's over.
I can't Iook.
It's a great honor to present this token of our esteem.
Keep up the good work, sergeant.
More power to you.
It's insubordination, I'II teII you! Insubordination! I want an investigation, coIoneI.
I'II get everyone responsibIe for this.
Do you hear me? Everyone! Hup, two, three, four.
Hup, two, three, four.
Hup, two, three, four.
Hup, two, three, four.
It reaIIy ain't so bad.
I mean onIy one more week up here, and we're civiIians again.
And one thing about the generaI, he certainIy took it out on everybody.
No hard feeIings, is there, corporaI? Oh, I'II get you for this, Jetson.
Just you wait tiII you're back on the job.
You'II suffer! Oh, my aching footsies.
HeIp! HeIp! Jane, stop this crazy thing! Jane! HeIp! Jane!