The Jetsons (1962) s01e20 Episode Script

Miss Solar System

Meet George Jetson His boy, Elroy Daughter, Judy Jane, his wife I'm sorry, SaIIy.
None of these new dresses seem to suit me.
Let me show you our new faII Iine, dear.
FaII Iine? But it's aImost spring.
No, this is our Martian faII Iine.
Oh, weII.
Perhaps I may find something.
Oh, dear.
Much too daring.
I saw this in a Paris shop this morning.
No, no, no.
Too compIicated.
Oh, SaIIy, it's beautifuI.
Now, this is what I meant.
And we have a noveI accessory that goes with that dress.
I'II show you how it works.
I think I'II caII GIoria and see if she Iikes my new dress.
CaIIing GIoria.
Hi, Jane.
Can you come over for a minute, GIoria? I've got a new dress to show you.
Oh, step out so I can see it, Jane.
You know I can't stand the suspense.
Show me.
Show me now.
-I'II show you as soon as you get here.
-I can't wait that long.
Oh, GIoria, you onIy Iive next door.
It'II just take you a second to get here.
I don't care if I see your dress or not.
I'll be right over.
It Iooks gorgeous on you, Jane.
It's out of this worId.
It's a Pierre Martian originaI.
They were cIosing them out at the SateIIite Shoppe.
You reaIIy Iike it, GIoria? Jane, it's you.
WaIk in it.
OnIy 1 0.
98 for the dress and $50 for the extension cord.
-A steaI.
-I hope George thinks so.
He hasn't seen it yet.
He and EIroy are watching TV.
Then why don't you surprise them.
Make one of those big dramatic entrances.
Good idea.
Just Iet me put on a IittIe matching makeup.
Just a touch of green Iipstick.
Think wild! Drink Cosmo Cola! One gulp and you're in orbit! Cosmo Cola has a 200 megaton rating! Hey, what happened? Cough up some money, Pop.
Oh, boy, this pay TV has gotta go.
And if it's transportation you need let Rent A Rocket put you in the pilot seat.
Next time you have business on the moon, remember, Rent A Rocket! WeII, that was a short trip.
I wonder if they gave him his money back.
It's the Fred SoIarvan Show! Oh, boy! I Iike Fred SoIarvan.
Don't you, Pop? Yeah.
He's Iike a reIative who comes over once a week.
And here he is, your favorite relative who comes over once a week: Fred Solarvan! Good evening, Iadies and gentIemen.
We reaIIy have some wonderfuI guests tonight.
I'd Iike to start off by introducing one of your favorite foreign movie stars.
We aII know her name.
The gIamorous Gina LoIIojupiter! -Hey, Pop, it's Gina LoIIojupiter! -Gina LoIIojupiter? -EIroy, what are you doing here? -Aw, Gina-whiz.
-Get going on those homework tapes.
-But, Pop-- EIroy, come on now.
Come on.
Go, go, go! Okay, I'm going, going, going.
Oh, boy! I got to see Gina in 3-D.
You look lovely tonight, Gina.
Thank you, Fred.
It is a pleasure to be back here on Earth.
Gina, I understand you will be appearing tomorrow night at Venus City, the Miss Solar System beauty Contest.
That is right, Fred.
There will be loads of lovely girls competing for the title.
The show will be on TV, you know sponsored by the Spacely Sprocket company.
Good oId SpaceIy, that's my boss! I hope to contribute a little something to the contest festivities.
Is she kidding? A IittIe something? Oh, I better put her back on the screen.
Now, Gina, have you any advice for the girls in the beauty contest? WeII, they shouId understand the proper way of waIking.
-WaIking is very important? -Oh, yes, Fred.
It can mean the difference between winning and Iosing.
Here, I'II show you.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah! I see what you mean.
Oh, wait tiII George sees this far-out frock.
Oh, I know he'II Iove it.
It's your dream girl walking Hello Hi, there, honey.
It's me, Janey.
George? Wake up, dear.
George? George? -Hi, Gina.
-''Hi, Gina''? WeII! WeII, what a pIeasant surprise.
I was just watching the Stuntley-Dinkley Report.
Don't you notice anything about me? Sure, I do.
You Iost weight.
You gained weight.
I know.
You had a haircut.
Whatever you did, you're aImost good enough -for the Miss SoIar System beauty contest.
-AImost good enough? -WeII, I Iike that.
-And I Iike you.
Now, take off that oId housecoat and put on something nice and we'II go get some chicken chow mein capsuIes.
How does that strike you? How's this strike you? What did I say? What did I say? Oh, don't cry, Jane.
Frank is the same with me.
He and his Miss SoIar System! I've got a good mind to enter the contest myseIf.
-That wouId teach him.
-Yeah, that wouId reaIIy-- Say, remember that picture you took at the New Year's Eve party in that tantaIizing masquerade costume? I know the one.
I stiII have it.
George wanted me to tear it up.
He said it was too-- I think I put it in this drawer.
Here it is.
Oh, it's a reaI sizzIer, aII right, Jane.
Why don't you send it in to the contest committee just for fun.
Oh, I couIdn't.
Me, a housewife, compete against aII those IoveIy young-- Wonderful.
Let's really hear it for Gina Lollojupiter.
More! Give us more! More! That settIes it! Where's that picture? I'II show him who can be gIamorous! ''Miss SoIar System, brought to you by SpaceIy Sprockets.
'' Oh, you know, I've aIways wanted to be a teIevision sponsor.
You can cause so much panic.
I think I'II start with Jetson.
He shouId be working at his desk.
Not there.
I bet I know where he is.
Just as I thought, at the water cooIer again.
And now, feIIow empIoyees, I wouId Iike to read you my Iatest company buIIetin.
It's titIed '' 1 01 Ways to Goof Off at the Office and StiII CoIIect Overtime.
'' Jetson! What are you doing? Goofing off, sir! -Report to my office! -Yes, sir.
Oh, boy.
The boss sure sounded mad.
You caIIed, sir? Why? Why? Why do I put up with you? I don't know, sir.
I mean, sorry, sir.
Listen, Jetson, don't make any pIans tonight.
You're going to a beauty contest.
Oh, pIease, Mr.
SpaceIy, I Iook terribIe in a bikini.
Don't be funny, Jetson.
You're going to be the assistant to the judge.
I am the judge.
After aII, as sponsor, it's my duty to see that the girIs get a fair hearing.
Or shouId I say, ''viewing''? Oh, boy.
I'II pick you up at 7.
Oh, I'm sorry.
I can't make it, sir.
You see, Janey's mad at me so I bought some theater tickets to make up.
You henpecked husbands are aII aIike! Why can't you Iearn how to handIe your wife? Pardon me.
Pardon me.
-Yes? -Mrs.
SpaceIy's on the Iine, sir.
-On the Iine, sir.
SpaceIy--! Okay, put her on.
What takes you so long to answer? WeII, you see, snookums, I was discussing our production quotas.
Don't hand me that.
It's that beauty contest again, isn't it? Have you decided on the judge? And it better not be you.
Me? Judge? Oh, of course not, dear.
In fact, Jetson and I were just going over a Iist of candidates.
Weren't we, Jetson? -Yes, judge.
-Did he say, ''judge''? No, I said, ''Oh, fudge.
'' I mean, don't judge him hastiIy, Mrs.
Judge-- Mrs.
Sponsoring a beauty contest at your age.
-I've a good mind to go home to Mother.
-Yes, dear.
And you forgot to turn off the sonic sudser when you did the dishes.
-Yes, dear.
-Why wasn't the linen changed? -And the Food-a-Cycle cleaned? -Yes, dear.
Yes, dear.
Housework! Nothing but housework! Now I've got this whoIe darn Iiving room to do.
I'm just a drudge.
That's aII I am.
An underpaid drudge.
Pick up your feet, please.
Pick up your feet, please.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Hot coffee.
Hot coffee.
-You're welcome.
Come in.
Oh, Jane, honey, the maiIman just Ieft this speciaI-deIivery tape.
It's from the Miss SoIar System contest.
Oh, the entry committee.
WeII, they must have gotten the picture I sent in.
Oh, hurry, Jane.
PIay it.
The suspense is kiIIing me.
AII right.
AII right, GIoria.
Dear 36-26-36, the contest committee has received your photograph and may we say-- Therefore, by unanimous consent, you are hereby invited to compete for the title of Miss Solar System.
Hear that, Jane? You're in! You're in! But, GIoria, I don't think I can go through with it.
First prize is a million dollars.
I've changed my mind.
I'm going through with it.
And besides, George needs to be taught a Iesson.
And in edition to the pinup category all contestants are required to participate in a-- And we use the term loosely-- A talent contest.
TaIent? TaIent? -But what can I do? -Fake it, baby.
Fake it.
See you tonight in Venus City.
Signed-- Oh, don't worry, Jane.
You can aIways sing.
I don't know.
What am I going to teII George? He'd be furious if he knew.
Oh, reIax.
We'II think of something.
It's me, dear, your IittIe space bunny.
I'm back in the hutch.
I've got a surprise.
I picked up theater tickets for tonight, and-- Tonight? But, Jane, we've got that big PTA meeting.
PTA? Oh, oh, yes.
Yes, the PTA.
Oh, I'm sorry, George.
I won't be abIe to make it.
A very important meeting.
We're discussing how to combat deIinquency on the moon.
-But the tickets! -I've got to get dressed for the meeting.
If you're hungry, there's coId-cut capsuIes on the tabIe.
-And, George, don't wait up.
-But the tickets! CoId-cut capsuIes? WeII, that does it.
First, I'II get cIeaned up a bit.
I'II shave, comb my hair, brush my teeth.
I guess I shouId have this outfit pressed.
Let her go to the PTA meeting.
I am going to a beauty contest.
Have tape measure, wiII traveI! WeII, we're aImost there, Mr.
Jetson, how many times have I got to teII you? CaII me ''Judge.
'' But, Your Honor, supposing your wife sees you on TV.
You'II be another case for Dr.
Ken Spacey.
I've aIready taken care of that.
You've heard of the mystery guest.
WeII, meet the mystery judge.
She'II never spot me as the mystery judge.
Nobody wiII know my reaI identity, eh, Jetson? No, Your Honor, who are you? Got you fooIed too, haven't I? As Yogi Bear wouId say, ''You're smarter than the average boss.
'' Hey, there it is.
Venus City Convention HaII.
''WeIcome to the Miss SoIar System Contest.
'' Oh, boy! What a night this is gonna be.
Yes, Earth peopIe, it is a gIorious night here at the Miss SoIar System Contest.
Oh, and there's movie queen Gina LoIIojupiter trying to sIip in unnoticed.
Hey, you forgot the searchIights! HeIIo, heIIo, darIings! I Iove you.
I Iove you aII, darIings! What did I teII you, friends? She's just Iike the girI next door.
ReaI humiIity, reaI humiIity.
Look who's coming this way.
It's our contest judge who prefers to remain anonymous.
Good evening, Judge Anonymous.
Good evening.
Okay, Jetson.
The judge wouId Iike to thank SpaceIy Sprockets for the priviIege of appearing tonight.
SpaceIy, the favorite sprocket of the sprocket Iovers everywhere.
Make mine SpaceIy.
S-P-A-L-C-E! You idiot.
You speIIed it wrong.
Come on, the girIs are waiting.
What seat number? What seat number? -Judge's box, pIease.
-Yes, sir.
Yes, sir.
Oh, boy.
How about this, sir? A seat right on the stage.
I'd Iike to be cIoser.
Scorecards! Get your scorecards! AII the vitaI statistics! Pardon me, judge.
May I have your autograph? A pIeasure, my dear.
Love and kisses, the mystery judge.
-Thank you! -Mine too.
Oh, this is the Iife, eh, Jetson? Hope you don't mind the same message, sweetie pie-- ''Sweetie pie''? You interpIanetary worm.
Oh, how are you, Mrs.
Judge--? Mrs.
SpaceIy! Where did you--? I mean, where--? HeIIo.
Quiet, you assistant worm.
Ladies and gentIemen the Miss SoIar System Contest is about to begin but first, a word from our sponsor.
HeIp! Thank you, Mr.
Just wait tiII I get you home, buster.
Take over for me, Jetson.
I've just resigned from the bench.
Head them off at the dressing room, men.
The mystery judge rides again.
And this court is now in session.
And here they are, the stunning contestants.
Let's give a great big weIcome to Miss Saturn.
Notice her native bathing suit, foIks.
AII those IoveIy rings! Ring-a-ding-ding! And here is the one and onIy Miss Mars! Take me to your Ieader! Here we have Miss Big Dipper! And Miss SateIIite! I'd sure Iike to go into orbit with her.
And now Iet's say heIIo to Miss Comet! What an entrance! Oh, boy! My mother warned me about those fast women.
And now, Iast but not Ieast, a very Iate entry from Earth Miss Western Hemisphere! That's what I'd caII a weII-grouped fIock of moIecuIes.
Something about her rings a beII.
And now we'II begin our taIent contest.
First, Miss Saturn, who majors in space Iiterature, wiII give us a reading from one of her favorite EngIish cIassics.
Miss Saturn! Twinkle, twinkle, little star How I wonder what you are, darling Up above the world so high Like a 50-carat blue-white diamond In the sky Thank you, darIings.
Great! WonderfuI! Encore! And now here's Miss Mars with a musicaI speciaIty.
The Galaxy Concerto by Irving GaIaxy.
What a gaI! She's done everything but whistIe ''Dixie.
'' Very taIented! I wonder what she does for an encore.
Here's our next taIented contestant, Miss Western Hemisphere! Thank you.
It's a pIeasure to be here in friendIy Venus City.
I hope some day you peopIe wiII come down to Earth.
That voice, I'm sure I've heard it before.
Oh, no, just wishfuI thinking, I guess.
I'd Iike to sing an oId American foIk baIIad that's been handed down for generations.
Hit it, feIIas! What a doII! She's got everything.
Too bad aII girIs aren't Iike her.
Oh, weII.
Somebody's gotta be in the PTA.
It's pIanetary pandemonium up here, Iadies and gentIemen! Miss Western Hemisphere has just stoIen the show! Here she comes to receive the crown from the judge! Of course, before we crown you, you must remove your mask.
-Jane! -George! Oh, honey, I thought that you toId me when you came in that you were going down to the.
Beauty contest ends in uproar! Winner and judge disquaIified! Miss Mars awarded titIe! Read aII about it! Now, that's what I caII injustice.
Taking away your titIe just because the judge happens to be married to you.
But remember this, crown or no crown, you'II aIways be my beauty queen.
Oh, George, that's poetry.
Sheer poetry.
WeII, that settIes it.
-SettIes what? -This.
-Gina? -Right.
I'm resigning from the Gina LoIIojupiter Fan CIub.
HeIp! HeIp! Jane, stop this crazy thing! Jane! HeIp, Jane!