The Knights of Prosperity (2007) s01e06 Episode Script

Operation: Caught on tape

Yo, dig this.
We the knights, baby.
The knights of prosperity 107 Van hoogstratten.
Mr.
Jagger decided to go buy pants, Wants a little on-Site security.
Think you can hold down the fort by yourself? Sure.
Can i ask a question? Where does a guy like that buy pants? Anywhere he wants, van hoogstratten.
Anywhere he wants.
Lucky son of a bitch.
I'll be back in two hours.
When the cat's away, The mice will rob mick jagger.
Hello? Eugene, get your pasty white ass over here.
Why? What's going on? For the next two hours, i'm all alone.
Are you serious? Oh, yeah.
It's robbing time, baby.
Halt, intruder! Oh, my god.
A black security guard.
Now i don't know who you are, But you're not gonna rob mick jagger.
Now kiss the floor.
Oh, no, i lost my gun, and in addition, I'm overpowered.
hiya! ow! Ooh! wait, guys, this is no ordinary door.
This is a threshold to greatness, A portal to a- excuse me, are we stealing the door? No.
Then can we praise it as we run through it with the things we're stealing? Yes.
oh! Whew! Finally, huh? Whoo.
squatch, what the hell you doing? What? There are cameras here! you told me that once we got in the apartment There were no cameras! We're not in the apartment! This is still the foyer! Oh, my god! Well, now i'm caught on tape! stay calm.
That's easy for you to say, gourishankar! You're snugged up in your little mask! Gourishankar?! Oh, i'm sorry.
For six weeks, it's been gary, gary, gary! Now all of a sudden, it's gourishankar?! Which, of course, is not my real name.
the security guard, he's coming back! aah! we best get out of here, partner.
why are you talking like that? Aw, shoot, I accidentally slipped back into my normal speaking voice- Me being a resident of texas, U.
S.
A.
Oh! Rockefeller? Hey, can you get your hands on that tape? Rockefeller, you okay? Huh? Oh, god! I mean, uh, uh, reginald? Ooh, we're not supposed to know that name either! Uh, there's a very good explanation for all of this.
Screw it.
They got our asses in a sling now.
Not if we get our hands can you do it? I'll get right on it.
Once i get helped to standing.
Guys, come on, grab a handful! Come on! there's a yellow rose in texas that i am gonna see I'm telling ya, we need to leave the country.
Some of us just got here.
What if we change our appearance through plastic surgery? No plastic surgery.
Do addictive.
Hey, y'all.
Rockefeller! Did you find the tape? Please tell us you found the tape.
Well, i found out the tape Stop pussyfootin' and tell us the deal.
The tape ain't a tape.
It's a little bitty file on the hard drive at burton security headquarters.
Now they off for the weekend, But they gonna watch it first thing monday morning.
Guys, what do you think? Can you tell it's me? Joe college, gettin' it done.
Just to let you know, when i go to prison, I'm gonna have to join the aryan nation to stay alive.
Nobody's going to prison.
We're gonna break into burton security, And we're gonna destroy that file.
Okay, i can get us some launchers, But i can't get grenades.
No, we don't have to blow it up.
You said it's on a computer, right? So we just have to hack in.
And i know just the computer whiz to do it.
Who? Who's the wheeze? Our boy louis! He studied computers in college.
Uh, yeah.
Well, i-I i- A little bit, But, uh, i mean, i- I'm not really a-A whiz.
Hey, hey, hey, don't be modest, kid.
Oh, come on, louis.
We need you, baby.
Yeah! Okay.
Yeah! Yeah, yeah.
all right, fine.
Okay, uh, it's up.
Uh, now i just need to log in to their interface.
Come on, talk to me we're in! Oh, my god! yeah! Yes! Good job, kid.
Yes, yes! What do you wanna do? Uh, we can "pay your bill," "Change your billing address," "suspend service.
" What? Let me look at that.
You're at their home page! I could have done that! You- Louis, we have to hack into the system So we can delete the footage! Let me check, uh, under "frequently asked questions.
" Oh, you're just an idiot.
Oh, god, does anyone here know anybody who knows computers? Well no.
Whoa, hold on.
Your "no" said no, But your "well " said yes.
Come on and spill it, ali baba! There is nothing to spill.
I have a son whos in fact a genius with computers, But he and i do not speak.
So moving on whoa, whoa, wait- You have a son? For our purposes, no I have not seen the boy since the ultrasound.
Well, how do you know he is a genius with computers Because my ex-Brother-In-Law larry told me.
Well, get to the point, Because we got reservations at the gray bar hotel, And check-In is in 48 hours! Okay, here is the entire megillah-Many years ago, This beautiful girl named bini gets into my cab.
One thing leads to another, and before you know it, It's "whim-Wham, thank you, sam.
" You ain't saying that right.
Two days later, we get married.
Then, first night, first position- Om, she gets pregnant.
Who does that? So, as you can see, we began growing apart mediately.
You're despicable.
Louis, step aside so that i can spit on gary.
Okeydoke.
Excuse me, i will have you know That i have always paid child support.
I did everything the court ordered me to do! It's "wham-Bam, Thank you,man" Look, gary, you gotta reconnect with your son.
Until a couple years ago, I thought it was "halloweem," With an "m.
" True story.
Bini! So nice to see you.
Please, have a seat.
Why am here, gourishankar? You're right.
We can talk up later.
Bini, i've been doing a lot of soul-Searching.
And did you find one? Oh, bini, you're funny.
You're hilarious.
You're the female indian don rickles.
Remember that.
You really are.
Bini, i want to meet my son.
I think the time to meet your son was 13 years ago, not now.
tell her she looks very pretty.
Don't put that all on me.
I will remind you that my leaving back then Was a very mutual decision made by the both of us.
And my decision to leave now Is unilaterally made by just me.
Good! I, uh, guess she doesn't care about the money you have now.
Who are they? They manage my millions.
Yes, i wrote several very popular ringtones.
Maybe you've heard them.
Uh, do you know oh, boy, that was a big seller.
Or maybe you know boy, did that baby pay out.
You know, i get a little check every time the phone rings.
You're telling me you're a millionaire Because of ringtones.
Yes, i have a gift.
Even if you're a millionaire, why should i let you see ajay? Well, 'cause he's, uh, thinking of making a new will, And he's gonna put the kid in it.
Oh, i'm sorry if i said too much, sir.
You're fired! What do you-What do you mean that i'mi- I'm- Get out of here! You sicken me! Go! I will let you see ajay if you promise me That you will provide for his college education At the school of his choosing.
Done, done, done and done.
That is how we rich people close deals.
You can pick him up tomorrow.
Done.
Done-Done.
Done! whoa.
This kid's even nerdier than louis.
I resent that comment, mr.
Squacieri.
Oh, i'm sorry, louis.
You're nerdier.
Hello, ajay! I assume you're my millionaire father, But who are those other people? Uh, we work for your father.
In what capacity? Personal assistant.
Personal trainer.
Accounts receivable.
I comb the shetland ponies.
slash security.
Okay, everyone, let's hop in the cab and go to the park.
You drive a taxi? Yes.
It's an eccentricity.
All us millionaires have them Travolta has his jets, And i have my 1998 mid-Size sedan.
You know, sometimes i just drive around all day With the meter running.
That seems superfluous.
Yes, yes, nothing but the best.
How can i possibly ask him to hack into a computer for us? You can't just after bad? You gotta bond with him first, father-Son style, And then ask him.
How am i gonna bond with him? He won't even look at me! Talk to him, play with him, Make animal balloons if you have to, but go do it! She's right, okay? You got 2 hours to make up for the last 13 years.
All right.
I'm going in.
You got a girlfriend? No.
No? Ever play any kissy-Kissy? No.
Really? When i was just a little bit older than you, I once had a romantic interlude With the cafeteria lady at my school.
What? At the end of the day when the hairnets come off, They're just ordinary women with needs.
Me and my friends have a pledge To remain virgins until marriage.
I have nothing in common with this person.
Why could he not be more like me? Look, no offense to our father of the year here, But we're running out of time, and this ain't working, okay? So i suggest we change the course and let my friend Mr.
Andrew jackson take a crack at this kid, huh? Listen, ajax, we got a little proposition for ya.
Ajay.
Right.
We heard that you were a computer genius, And it just so happens we need a computer genius.
So what do you say- For 20 whole dollars- You do a little something for us, huh? If my father's a millionaire, why you only offering me $20? Our asses being hoisted by our own damn petard.
Enough of this charade.
Ajay, i'm not rich.
I made that all up so that i could see you.
Why? Because there comes a time when a father needs his son to help him stay out of jail.
What? No.
The only reason i came here is mom said if i didn't, She'd take away my mechwarrior cards.
I love those! I wanna go home now.
Ajay, will you please help your dad? He's in real trouble.
Fine.
What do i have to do? Yes! Yes! All right! Yeah! all right, ajax! Thanks, kid! we'll explain everything.
They've got application level behavior blocking.
It has an asymmetrical cipher.
Probably a 128-Bit encryption key.
Hey, what are you doing? He hates me.
He's a kid.
He probably doesn't know what to think.
Bad news.
Can't do it from here.
Why not? All you goona do You gotta breach the firewall, you crack the encryption And you upload a virus that crashes the whole system.
What are you talking about? I don't know.
I saw it on "24.
" Do it.
This is real life.
The only way of deleting that file Is if i use a computer in the main building.
I could probably got the key with my id But we might need more bodies in there.
Uh, i'll go In case something goes wrong.
see? I'm not the devil.
I have a heart of gold.
i'll go, too, and that should be enough.
How am i gonna get you two in? I just so happen to have two suits that make you invisible.
No one ever notices the lowly janitor.
Hey, art.
Hey, reginald.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Who's that? Uh this my son tyree.
My lady so white, she like a nurse's uniform.
oh! yeah! all right.
Ooh! Yeah, good to see you, man.
Ah hey.
Huh? So you end up with an indian kid from that? Oh, man, i don't question the big boss, You know what i'm saying? I'm an intelligent design guy all the way.
All the way.
Come on, baby, give daddy a hug.
I said give daddy a hug, man.
There it is- video surveillance supervisor.
Oh, my god, we're too late.
He's gonna watch the tape! Not necessarily.
Hey, listen, everybody's headed to the break room For some, uh, birthday cake.
Whose birthday is it? Steve's.
All right, i'll stall him.
You guys get to work.
So what did you mother tell you about she and i, anyway? I'm a little busy right now.
Yes, yes.
Type, type, type.
She told me you cheated on her.
I knew it! I knew she told you i cheated on her! Which, you know, i did, but can we please not talk about this? You see, the funny thing is, Your mother- She kind of agreed to it.
Yeah.
See, we each gave the other a, uh, Fantasy free pass, you know, sort of as a joke.
Hers was denzel washington.
Mine was helena bonham carter.
So anyway, one day i'm out driving my cab, And who do you think gets in? Hmm? Hmm? Hmm? I don't care.
Mm.
Helena bonham carter.
Okay, her name was debbie, but very similar coloring.
Oh, come on! Put yourself in my shoes! You're driving your cab, and this beautiful woman gets in And says, "take me to 73rd and lex.
" You would've done the same thing after you got married.
What are you doing? Uh, i was told to move these.
I can't get out.
Just doing what i'm told.
I think i'm getting close.
Ajay, i have something i want to say to you.
You kinda talk a lot.
You need me.
I think you've got that backwards.
Yes, no, i need you to delete the file But i'm your father wait, i got it.
Was it friday night at 9:07p.
m.
? Yes, yes.
That's it.
Mick jagger's apartment? Who's mick jagger? You know, a, uh, friend of a friend.
To erase this completely out of the system, I need to reboot the computer.
When i hold down these keys, i need you to pull that plug.
On three.
One, two no.
What? I need you to listen to me, And when i pull that plug, our work here is done, And i will never see you again.
I'd rather risk going to prison.
Suit yourself.
Okay, my going to prison will help no one, So i'll pull the plug, and then we'll talk.
One, two, three.
This is insane! You've gotta move that.
without authorization? But you've got the authorization to put it there? That's a completely different type of authorization.
Oh, look, me crullers over there.
Gary, go say good-Bye to ajay.
What's the point? I can't reach him.
I said everything i could possibly say.
How about the one thing you didn't tell him? Ahh.
No idea.
How about "i'm sorry"? I'm sorry? Yeah.
I'm sorry for being a stupid booby.
Go, brother.
You'll sleep better tonight, i promise.
Ajay, i am sorry that i did not live up To my responsibilities as your father.
And you don't have to decide right now, But would you consider letting see you again sometime? I guess.
Ha! Eugene, grab the camera.
I want a picture with me and my son.
I got it right here! All right, say "cheese.
" This turnin' to a damn tearjerker.
You're gonna sleep good tonight After making an amends like that, huh? Oh, yes, definitely.
Well, sort of.
What-What- What do you mean? Uh ajay is not the only one.
There have been many oterhs that have sprung from my loins, And i have not been super great about seeing them ever.
Well, you know what? We're not going to jail.
We have a whole day to kill.
I got a little idea.
We the knights, baby.