The L Word s01e09 Episode Script

Luck, next time

Mm.
Where you going? I would like to go to the bathroom.
So, are you coming back? Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Hurry back, lover.
What a lez! Babe, I thought you were supposed to be gone.
No, I've got 5 minutes.
Well, do you mind moving your car, because the guys are here with the tank and they can't get through.
What tank? It's okay, she's gonna move it.
You gonna move it, or what? Is that one of those birthing tanks? Yeah.
Well, since when did we agree to have the baby in water? Since I decided to give birth that way.
I didn't wanna bother you with it.
It's six months away, I don't understand why you're buying this now.
Because, I got a good deal on it.
It would have been more to rent it.
And what is Doctor Wilson saying about this? She thinks it's great.
So, you've talked to her about it, but not to me? Baby.
Please, move your car.
Yo, whassup! Hi, Slim Daddy.
Hey, how you doing today? Pretty good, yeah.
You know, I really wanna thank you for giving me a ride to the studio.
Shit, why wouldn't I wanna ride with a beautiful woman like you? Uh, Miss Porter.
Do you want a smoothie? Uh yeah.
What's in them? Fruit.
Tell her what kind we got.
We got strawberry, orange, some berry-type thing, and, uh peanut butter.
Y'know, just in case.
I will take, uh, the strawberry.
You like that? Yeah, it's good.
But I think I'd like it better if I could, um, drink it myself.
You drinking the peanut butter one.
Mr.
Piddles? There's something important I have to tell you.
Do you remember Lara? You remember how how she used to come over all the time and stay over sometimes and we'd move around a lot and together? Mr.
Piddles, Lara's gay.
So am I.
You still love me? Oh, you're the best cat in the world, Mr.
P.
Shhh.
What are you doing here?! I've come to get you out of bed.
C'mon.
Let's go.
I've had enough of this.
C'mon.
Oh shit sorry.
Mr.
Piddles.
Okay.
C'mon.
Some of us have it worse, you know, Dana.
Some of us are dating lesbian men.
Okay? C'mon.
Look at her face she's searching for a feeling.
It's like she's longing for faith.
She'd do anything to get it.
To feel it.
I love this work.
It is really cool.
Can I help you? Uh uh, Bette Porter.
I'm Bette Porter.
These are for you.
There's no card.
Who are these from? Um it, uh, doesn't say.
Tina? No.
Tina's into practical gift-giving.
Is that supposed to be art? It's not supposed to be.
It is.
I guess Hustler and Penthouse may put out some pretty good art, too.
Can you make sure he leaves the building? Yeah.
What is gonna cheer you up? Hello? Uh, hello, yeah.
I was wondering if your refrigerator is running.
Oh, it is? Go.
They said "yeah.
" C'mon.
Well, then, you better catch it! Mom? You have got to talk to this woman and I mean it.
Why? Because you don't know if she's coming around Okay.
It's her.
Let's go.
No! Hello? Yes.
Okay.
Ye I I know, it wasn't funny.
Yeah.
She is.
She wants to talk.
Hello? Yeah.
Yeah, I know.
But, mom, I'm not! I O okay.
O fine, fine.
Bye.
Well? It's like I came out to a piece of wood I mean, she didn't even mention it.
That's good.
She's accepting it through denial.
She's setting me up on a blind date with her friend Mildred's son! At least it's not shock therapy.
What?! Uh, what are you doing? Hello.
I'm getting coffee.
No, you are not.
Cherie Jaffe is your six o'clock and she's not gonna wait for you.
Be nice.
- Hi.
- Hi.
Uh, I'm looking for a Shane McCutcheon.
I'm Shane.
Okay, um these are Mrs.
Jaffe's records, treatments her hair has undergone in the last 5 years, a list of preferred products to be used on her hair, and ones that you must, under no circumstances, use.
If you've read and understand the information, you can just sign right here.
It's no problem.
Thank you.
Allright.
That's Shane.
Sorry, what? That's Shane.
Great.
Hi.
Hello.
And 5, 6, 7, 8.
And one, two, three, four, and five, six, seven, eight! One, two, three, four, right here.
One, five, six, seven eight.
Okay, let's try one more time.
Let's get back to formation.
You a fan, or are you just watching? Oh, hello.
I'm I'm waiting for my sister, Kit Porter.
Kit's sister? Her half-sister.
Hm.
Beautiful half, I'm supposing.
Mmm, more like the gay half.
Is that so? Mm-hmm.
Mm.
That's sexy.
Very sexy.
Hey, man, what's the matter with ya'll people we torturing ya'll or somethin'? 'Cause I got a gang of people that'll love to be in this position that ya'll in.
Ya'll need to fix ya'll faces up in here.
There you go, my girl, you having fun, yet, baby? Ah, oh.
Yeah.
If that's what you wanna call it.
Ahh, this motherfucker's trying to kill me! You know I can't dance unless I drink.
Yeah, that's what I like to see.
Just like that.
You know, me and your sister, we had a little talk.
She's a very interesting lady.
Did she tell you that she was into women? Yeah.
That's one of the things we have in common.
Matter of fact, where your girlfriends at right now? We don't usually travel in packs.
It'd be nice if you have them come by here tomorrow.
You know.
Bring some excitement to this here video.
Wait a minute, for me or you? Shit, I figure we could share.
Yo, Slim, the dancers he brought ain't nothin', man, let me tell you what I got.
He certainly lives up to his reputation.
Which one? He's such a flirt! He's a playa! And I'm telling you, he plays with everybody.
Believe me, I didn't think it was because I was special or anything.
Aw you are special, you're my sister! And also, will you call Gwynnie and get three tickets to "Coldplay" for Clea? But don't tell her, allright? Because I wanna see if she keeps this job.
I'm not about to reward her if she quits.
Okay.
I think that's it.
Why don't you go to "Neiman's" and pick up my "Manolos", - I think Lonnie's holding them for me.
- "Neiman's"? Yes, "Neiman's"? Okay.
Bye Tell me what you want.
I want so many things.
But in terms of what you can do for me? I want a change.
I want something new.
Excellent.
Yeah I know what to do.
Just, take this off.
And there's some smocks in the back.
D'ya like it? Yes.
It's Prosecco.
In northern Italy, they serve it on tap.
Thanks.
It's lovely, isn't it? Mm-hmm.
I like to start with something bubbly.
But I find champagne can be too full of expectation I like to keep things simple.
So how did you meet Harry? Through a friend.
I have to say when he told me I should come see you, I thought he was full of shit.
As usual.
But then Ellie Zimmer walked into the LACMA benefit two weeks ago, and I almost didn't recognize her.
I mean, that woman has not looked good in 12 years.
There she was, looking stunning.
You did an amazing job.
Thank you.
So, how did you get Harry to fall in love with you? Well, I didn't sleep with him.
"The Gift of the Magi" is one of the most perfect stories that's ever been written.
Talk about economy of language.
If it's a success, then it'll travel to New York, then L.
A.
And it should, because there was extraordinary people involved.
Are you referring to yourself? And a few others! So says "the prima ballerina".
She was pretty terrific.
Francesca, uh, was a big fan of "the prima ballerina".
I had sex with her, and now Marina's pretending to be jealous.
It's just the way it happened.
There's this woman who was getting a costume fitting, and Francesca proceeded to seduce her.
Which I think is a bit unethical.
You do? Do you find that hard to believe? Yeah.
Ethical isn't really the first word that comes to mind when I think of Marina.
You sound angry.
No.
Well, she's beautiful.
And that compensates for a multitude of sins.
Doesn't it? C'mon! It's a compliment to be the topic of conversation.
Isn't that right, Jenny? Yes.
Harry? You asshole.
I'm calling you to say thank you for begging me to go to Shane.
Say hello Harry.
Hello, Harry.
Uh-huh! No.
Oh, she's amazing! She's a genius! Yeah.
First of all, for giving me a great haircut, and second of all, for not sleeping with you! So call me when you get out of your K hole, okay? Thank you, Mrs.
Jaffe.
Give that to Shane? Sure! - I love my hair.
- Gorgeous.
After you.
See you again.
Shane? What? Mrs.
Jaffe left this for you.
Cool.
200 bucks.
Nice work.
Don't forget to sweep up.
Don't do that.
I want you to know how difficult it's been to get you out of my mind.
Why are you saying that? Because you're acting like you're the only one with feelings.
Well, that's because you act so cold, it's really hard to know that you have any.
If you're so angry, why did you accept this invitation? Because I wanted to know why someone would work so hard to make someone fall in love with them and they really don't give a fuck.
Work so hard.
Ah, great.
That's a great assessment on who I am! Well, you tell me who you are! You keep asking me that! Obviously you're not paying attention! You know what's so sad? It's that you don't know how much you mean to me that's I thought it was a little quiet down here.
Sorry.
It's okay.
Is it? The thing about Marina is that when she focuses on you, you feel like you're the only one that exists.
It's her gift.
I don't blame you for falling in love with her.
But maybe you use your gift a little too freely.
What's this? That's the wine Jenny brought.
Guess I'll open this then.
So, Jenny.
Tell me about the story you've been writing.
The one about the demons.
Marina says it's really quite good.
Is it finished? So, this is what the two of you do.
You go and you make these little conquests.
And then you go home, and you compare notes.
You try to make each other jealous in order to find the other desirable.
I wouldn't be so self-righteous.
You're not exactly an innocent bystander.
Classy.
I'm sorry the evening turned out like this.
But there's something you have to understand.
When I go away, Marina can do whatever she wants.
As can I.
But when I come back, I want my home the way I've left it.
I hope that isn't too much to ask.
Thank you.
Hi.
Hi.
Jen.
Mm-hmm? Feel like watching a really bad Kung Fu movie? Yeah.
It's pretty stupid.
Kinda what I'm in the mood for, though.
No, stupid is good.
C'mere.
C'mon.
I love you so much.
Are you mad that I made a decision? No.
I I ju I just feel a little left out.
I, uh get this feeling from you that you're so proud to be with me.
And it makes me feel really safe and loved.
It's great.
But lately, I haven't been feeling it.
So, I've just been, uh trying to concentrate on myself, been trying not to get scared about it.
Hi.
Morning.
Morning.
I love being here with you.
Can I tell you something? It's over.
Between Marina and me.
I went over to her and her girlfriend's house last night.
I have never met anybody like that in my life before.
It's all about their own egos, and they don't care who they hurt, and they just draw you into this web for some kind of a sport.
I'm not gonna see her ever again.
I threw a bottle of wine at their house.
What are you doing? I took a giant fucking step backwards.
I don't wanna be back together with you, Jenny.
I mean, I I don't know who you are! I mean, you just you start talking about Marina and her girlfriend and how phony and manipulative they are and all I can't think is that's you! That's who you've become.
It's like you've done this thing, and you can't wash it off.
It's in you I I don't want it in me.
Fuck you, Tim.
I am not apologizing anymore.
Are you gonna answer that? No.
It's Lisa.
Here.
Lemme see it.
Guys, I need I.
Ds.
Right.
Hello? No, she stepped away from the phone for just a minute.
Heh.
Okay, wow.
Allright, uh, hold on a second.
Okay, here.
He says he can hear you breathing.
I.
Ds? Yes.
Here you go.
We're here to see Kit Porter.
Okay.
I don't know.
Let me ask the car.
Do you guys feel, subconsciously, maybe we possibly forgot to invite Lisa 'cause he's a little bit different? Yes.
Dana! Give me the phone.
Hey, Leese? Hi, Look.
It it completely slipped our minds.
Look, you have to stop being such a lesbian.
No it's not cute.
And you are gonna chase the girls away, I promise.
Sorry.
I'm not showing anything here.
She should have left our names at the gate.
Yo, is there a problem? Sorry, I, uh, don't mean to hold Mr.
Daddy, but, uh, I can't let these women on the lot.
Sure you can.
They with us.
These are Slim Daddy's people.
All of them.
Well, yeah.
Ca c'est son agente This ones his, uh, business manager.
That one over there, that's that's his accountant.
Little Blondie in the back, that's his P.
R.
lady.
And, uh this one over here well she's just a friend of them.
Came along for the ride.
So, what you say partner, you cool with that? Yeah, I'll set them up with some passes.
Allright, then, thanks.
- Appreciate it.
Appreciate it.
- Thanks.
Thank you.
Yo, um.
Slim Daddy would like you to discuss some of his business plans with you, if you got a minute.
Uh well, well surely he would want his accountant to be there too? I don't know about all of that.
Well, as his business manager I would have to insist.
Allright.
Yo, Slim! I got a little something hooked up for ya.
- Hey.
- Hey love.
- Hey.
- 'Sup.
So who is this? This is my partner, Tina.
Hello.
- What's up, Tina? How you doing? - I'm good.
So what ya'll got, a little business relationship or something? Uh we're life partners.
What, ya'll married? I see.
So you got yourself a little commitment, huh? And what about your sister, you think she'd be interested? Or is she with a chick, too? Uh, no, Kit is not gay.
But I thought you said she was.
No, I said I was.
She gonna kill me when she finds out the direction I took with this video.
Shit, I feel like I did this.
No, look, she's having fun.
She's being mounted.
Let's cut, cut it.
Everybody back to first positions please.
Playback Action I want to do that dance.
Wait.
You do not wanna do that dance.
Oh, look.
This is hard, Shane.
Do you see this? That's because it requires a sense of rhythm, Alice, that you don't seem to posses.
At all.
- You two married, too? - Us? No.
We're just free-wheelin'.
Who's this? I'm Shane.
Uh I'm sorry.
Have a seat.
It's like some weird carnival mirror or something.
I know.
Lets cut! Cut it.
I can't do this.
I can't I can't do this.
You know, I love the song and I really want to be in video, but I just can't be in it like this, you know? Hey, when I stopped drinking, I promised myself I would never make a fool of myself again.
Look, it's my bad.
I put the ladies in the video 'cause I thought this was what you wanted.
I thought this was your thing.
You did that for me? That was sweet.
Look, It's not about the girls.
It really isn't.
It's just that hey, I ain't 20, and I ain't nobody's hoochie, and I just said to myself, "Why am I putting myself through all this?" You know? If they don't like me and my song, thi this is not going to convince them.
Uh, sorry to interrupt, excuse me, but um I have to keep shooting.
Are you in or not? Excuse me, kid.
If it wasn't for Kit Porter, wouldn't be none of us here.
Wouldn't be no song.
Wouldn't be no video for you to shoot.
So what you meant to say was, you fixin' to sit yo ass over there and figure out how to get this right, right? Oh, there's someone here to see you.
- Hi.
- Hello.
Um, Cherie's hosting a benefit this evening for the Woman's Cancer Project and she'd like you to do her hair.
What, tonight? Yeah, Tonight at 5:00.
Can I let her know that you'll be there? Y yeah.
Excellent choice.
Here's the directions.
Thanks.
Please be on time, Mrs.
Jaffe gets grumpy when she's made to wait.
Bette Coffee.
So, as far as I've figured out, the people responsible are the Coalition for Concerned Citizens.
They've kinda all but stood up and said they did it.
Um they've been tracking the show since New York but they're all ready to get serious here in L.
A.
because, as they see it, uh "L.
A.
is the capital of filth and degradation".
- They sent these? - Uh, yeah.
When did they arrive? Uh, a couple of days ago, I thought it was junk mail.
Okay.
I just I I want you to get me as much information as you can.
Just find out who runs the thing and who funds them.
I need to find out what we're up against.
- Right.
- Okay? Runs and funds.
Yeah.
- Hello, Miss.
- Hi, uhI, um I parked there.
Is that okay? - Yes.
- Okay.
The Mrs.
, she wait for you upstairs.
Okay.
- Hello.
- Hi.
Okay.
So should I, um should I do what I did last time? I was hoping for a little more.
Oh, well what kinda more? Lots more.
Oh.
Oh, I see.
It's good for you.
You're constantly complaining about feeling sluggish.
Not constantly.
Pretty close.
And lately I feel like you bring that fatigue into the bedroom.
I mean, I make love to you and then when it's my turn, you're too tired, and I dont want to make you, but I end up not having an orgasm and it's frustrating.
So you're pumping me full of spirulina so you can come? No, God.
I'm just saying that you don't eat that well.
And if you would just cut out the red meat it might help.
Allright.
I'll be back in a minute.
- Hi.
I'm Dana.
Fairbanks.
- Andrew.
Sit Down.
Andrew.
Thanks.
- So.
- So! - I, uh talked to your mom on the phone.
- Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
She, uh she said you're a tennis player.
Oh, yeah! Yeah.
It's fun! You know.
It's, uh, it's fun.
It's h it's hard work, though.
Well, It shows.
You have a really beautiful body.
Yeah.
Okay.
You know, I don't understand why you need to be set up.
When your mother showed me your picture I was, like Was it a Subaru ad by any chance? - Oh, you did a Subaru ad? - Yeah.
Yeah.
The slogan was "Get out and stay out.
" Oh, is that like an outdoorsy kind of Gay thing? Yeah.
Look, um That's me okay? I'm I'm a lesbian.
Don't look at me like that, okay, I don't want to have sex with you and another woman, I'd just I would want to have sex with the woman, allright.
I'm that gay.
I'm sorry you had to come all the way out here and do this.
It's okay.
Great! That's great! Well, gosh, allright then! - Well, it was great meeting you! - It was good to meet you.
Take Care! - Way to go.
- Score.
Bonjour Hi.
Alice.
- Nice to meet you.
- Andrew.
You handled that really well.
Hey! How did it go? I feel great! Well, It all happened so fast I, uh, couldn't think of anything else.
So, Andrew.
You're straight? Or Uh, yes? Completely? No shades of grey or anything? Uh, none.
Wow.
Fascinant So, you have no sexual ambiguity, no variation on your orientation or Is she flirting with him? You're not hiding a vagina in there? One testicle? Yeah.
I just told my first straight guy that I was gay and not even to bother trying! Good for you.
Congratulations! Mm! You're fucking amazing.
Mm! I can't wait to tell Harry! He's gonna be so jealous.
Cherie? Oh, my God! It's Steve! - Cherie! - Oh fuck.
Jesus, fuck.
Here take it! Shit! -Fuck.
You have everything? -Yeah.
- You're good? - I got it.
Hello? Honey! You're always interrupting me when I'm not ready yet.
Well, I thought you'd be dressed by now.
I'm just getting my hair done.
Oh.
Looks good.
It's the just-fucked look.
Yeah? Well, it works for me.
Hi.
Ah.
You must be Shane.
My hands are wet.
That's okay.
Uh yeah, you look great.
It's good to be able to put a face to the name.
Harry won't stop talking about you.
She's the best.
Yeah.
Okay.
Let me see excellent You look lovely.
It was nice to meet you.
- So, um if I if I need a touch-up, I'll call you.
- Yep, yep! Yo.
Hey, hey, hey, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Hold on a second there.
- Cherie said she forgot to pay you.
- No, no, no.
What are you talking about? It's your money.
You earned it.
You have a real talent.
You made my wife look hot.
Serious.
I saw her.
I thought I was gonna bang 'er right there.
You know how many men think that about their own wives? None.
You could be a gold mine, you know that? - Thank you.
- Got my eye on you.
Oh, good, you got them! I had to go to three different bookstores.
"Monkeys Go On Strike".
Don't laugh.
"Monkeys Go On Strike" was my favorite.
Second only to "Aardvark Makes Pasta".
That's great.
My dad used to read these to me when I was little.
Are you gonna be one of those moms that's always reading to Tina's stomach? It's reading to the baby, James.
Shit, I'm late for a doctor's appointment with Tina.
Um can you finish gathering the information and just have it ready for me in the morning? Yeah.
That everything you need? - Yeah.
- Good luck.
Ten bucks says Tina laughs at "Monkeys Go On Strike".
- Hello! Excuse me.
Do you work here at the museum? - Yes! I do.
Great.
Can you tell me if Isabella Pernao's work has arrived yet? Well, I'm not at liberty to say whether Miss Pernao's work has arrived.
But you're expecting it.
The work blaspheming Jesus Christ.
The piece references a Jesus figure in a symbolic way, not a literal one.
How is Miss Pernao's work relevant to anyone, Miss Porter, except to degrade and offend anyone of the Christian faith.
Well, it's relevant because we have to have other perspectives.
Not everyone is of the Christian faith; not everyone believes in Heaven or Hell.
Art reflects that.
It's a mirror of the world we live in.
So, according to the C.
A.
C.
, the world we live in is a godless one.
No, that's not what I said.
Miss Porter.
Do you have children? Simple question.
My partner and I are expecting a baby.
Shame on you, Miss Porter.
Shame.
You are making this world a darker place for your child to live in.
Miss Porter! Do you think that the fact that you're homosexual makes you morally bankrupt? By your definition I'm a pervert, since really what you're trying to say is only a pervert could show this work.
Thank you for your frankness.
Oh.
And I hope you liked the flowers.
They're just my way of saying, "Nothing personal.
" Fae Buckley! Bingo! I didn't say that.
I said, uh I've made some interesting choices.
It sounds like you made some pretty bad ones.
Now, what was that mandate? Simple boy-on-girl sex with no complicated stuff? Alice Fuck.
Okay.
I I might have to ask you to leave.
Shhhit.
Hi.
How can you do this? Lisa Dude.
Your name's Lisa? Harsh.
It's my taken name, allright? Okay.
We weren't doing anything.
Allright? He represents everything that is wrong in the world and all you want to do is have sex with him! Hey! Take it easy.
I don't have to take it easy, allright, pal? I'm her lesbian lover! Whoa.
Just got not-worth-it.
- Uh I I'll call you or - Sure.
Okay.
Great.
- Looks like you got your work cut out for you.
- Yeah, dyke drama.
You know how it is.
No.
You know what, Lisa?When I first started seeing you, I wanted something simple and easy.
And instead I end up with the most complicated interpretation of sexual identity I've ever encountered.
You know, I mean, you do lesbian better than any lesbian I know!! Okay.
And I don't want a lesbian boyfriend.
I'm sorry! I want a boyfriend who's straight, or a I want a lesbian who's a girl! Hello.
I'm sorry I'm so late.
Oh You would not believe what happened to me if I told you.
Is Tina not here yet, or am I later than I thought? Bette, um, please.
Have a seat.
Have a seat.
Where's Tina? Bette, I I'm afraid I have some bad news.
During our examination, I was unable to locate a heartbeat.
The fetus has stopped thriving.
This is usually due to some congenital problem, it's kind of the body's own way of ending a pregnancy.
It's really very common in first-time pregnancies.
Moreso than is even talked about.
Stay here, okay? Stay right here, I'll be right back.
Excuse me! What the hell do you think you're doing? Telling people the truth! You shut that off! You have no right you shut it off! That stuff you're showing in your museum, it's pornography it's filth! - This is my home! This is my family! - It's disgusting! You have no right to show it! - You have no right to come here, do you hear me? - You have no right to corrupt children! You take this back to Fae Buckley and you tell her if she ever, ever, tries something like this again, she will regret it! You're going to hell! timing by witches