The L Word s01e10 Episode Script


1 (Liz Phair sings "Flower") Bring in the pussy light.
Are you good? And action.
China, get started.
- Amber, really get into it.
- (moans) And in walks the principal.
You ready, man? You got wood? OK, so first you're mad.
Get in there.
Girls, you're embarrassed and surprised.
Now you're hot.
China, blow him.
Give her a facial.
When he's done that, look up and say, "That was great.
" - That was great.
- That was great.
Oh, Tina.
It'll take time, but we'll get through it.
All right? We'll get through it.
Come on.
- (Tim) I'm so glad you came over.
I'll call you.
- (woman) Have a good day.
Bye, Tim.
Hi, Trish.
- Hi.
- Um I'm just on my way to the grocery store to get some bread for toast.
I, um I've forgotten my wallet and my keys, so I'm just gonna go get them.
Where's my head? And when does it start prepping? Mm-hm.
(giggles) So when do I have to go to Virginia? It's exciting.
All right.
All right.
Thanks, Val.
- You're going to Virginia.
- As the personal for Drew Barrymore.
A huge fashion picture.
My budget's three times what it was on Darkness.
That's wonderful.
But I wish you had discussed it with me.
I don't know what there is to discuss.
I got offered a job.
I took it.
What about our summer holiday? I was organising the house in Hydra.
I never signed off on Hydra.
We talked about it.
I didn't say book a house.
Did you book a house? I wanna spend time with you.
You've been here six weeks this year.
Don't you wanna spend time together? Come and be with me now.
Come on.
Now, the fact is, I can't afford not to take this job.
Do you have any idea how much you owe? A lot.
Sweetheart, I want you to have your beautiful dream.
Then I have to go to work, don't I? To take care of you.
And while I'm gone, you can resume your little thing with Jenny.
I know you don't wanna be here with me now.
You want Jenny.
(Alice) And he's rough.
It's like, he fucks me, you know? It's hot.
- Yeah, that's wicked hot.
- It is.
It really is.
'Cause there's not that bullshit of like, "I'll do you, you do me", "Have we had equal time?", all that crap.
Just 'cause you're riding the big, fat weenie doesn't mean we do it wrong.
- Now that you're out, let's give you a mullet.
- No.
- It'll be hot.
- No! - She's not a bull dyke.
- Thank you.
The thing is, though, you guys, I've only slept with him, like, five times, so if I'm late - You're late? - For my period.
I'm sure you learnt in fifth grade that's part of your reproductive cycle.
- So what are you saying, then? - I'm saying if I'm late, it wouldn't be Andrew's.
- Would it be Lisa's? - Wow.
He'd be the first lesbo in history to pull that one off.
- So the world we live in is a godless one? - Art mirrors the world we live in.
Do you think the fact that you're homosexual makes you morally bankrupt? I am a pervert.
Only a pervert could show this work.
I didn't know I was being taped.
That is not what I said.
She twisted it.
You can be sure this tape has been sent to every conservative congressman, along with this lovely document, a life-size painting of the President in an SS uniform, Jesus sodomising Mary.
And this is a doozie.
This is a live-performance piece? Are you sure this is art? - Absolutely.
- We put it to a vote, Bert.
It's important.
The museum's behind it.
You are gonna have to learn how to deal with Fae Buckley.
She was caught off-guard.
It could happen to anyone.
They will try and get at you on legal grounds.
The law's on your side, but not the political climate.
There's two ways to go.
One: they'll rant and rave while we look the other way.
That is what we've been doing, while they call us pornographers and paedophiles.
- Or we meet them head-on.
- I wanna challenge Fae Buckley to a debate.
The woman's a gladiator in the public arena.
She always wins.
Let's do it.
- What am I gonna do if I'm fucking pregnant? - Get an abortion, Al.
You could give the baby to Bette and Tina.
The kid would belong to all of us.
- Instead of two mommies, six mommies.
- No, Bette and Tina'd be the moms.
- This is gonna be entirely natural.
- OK.
- As long as it's not too crazy or - Or too cool.
- We'd be the kid's extended family.
- Great idea.
There's no bigger karmic blessing than doing something selfless for another person.
How about a little support for me? Bette would have hired somebody to do this.
I would have done it for you.
I'm not gonna come to your show tonight.
I'm sorry, I can't.
- Hey, it's OK.
- I'm sure Bette will come.
I wouldn't want you to do anything you're not up to doing.
But don't you think it'd be good to get out? It's great.
I look good, right? - You look hot.
- You look excellent.
Look at this.
From the neck up.
We have to do something about your clothes.
- I'll take her to Fred Segal.
- I got these at Fred Segal.
Madam Cherie, line three.
She requires your attention immédiatement.
(toots horn) Hello.
- Hi.
- Hi.
- Where are you taking me? - It's a secret.
Let's go.
Well? Well, I don't know why we're here.
Steve and Harry own most of this block.
They're developing it.
And I've convinced Steve to invest in you.
So you can open your own shop.
- No way.
- Way.
But don't tell him I brought you here.
Isn't it just oozing with potential? It's beautiful.
It's un-fucking-believable.
I'd keep this like the old barber shop.
No big reception desk.
Just the cutting stations right here.
The waiting area where you have sofas and tables.
I see it mid-century moderne, kind of kitschy but chic.
I'm thinking pool table.
And up here it could be the colouring or shampoo stations.
- Shane.
- Yeah? Look at this.
Ah, fuck.
Yes, please.
I know I was only, uh, 12 weeks but I feel like I lost someone I was with my whole life.
My baby boy.
Just the last week we found out that it was gonna be a boy.
You'll try again.
I know it's hard to think about it right now, but you'll try again.
Tina's devastated.
Frankly, that's the way she should be feeling.
She's grieving.
- What about you, Bette? - I see you steady and strong.
Letting Tina lean on you.
Has it sunk in for you yet? - Have you cried? - Believe me, it's sunk in.
But Karen asked you a specific question.
Have you cried? I don't need to cry.
I wanna see some episodes of Insight.
Can you get some tapes? Hey, Tina.
Now's the time.
When something terrible happens and you're in a black pit of despair, do something for people who can't tell you what despair is because it's all they've ever known.
I'll be there all day tomorrow.
- What did he want? - He wants me to volunteer.
Maybe you should check it out.
- Are you gonna make it to Kit's show? - I really don't want to.
Kit understands.
Excuse me.
Excuse me.
Can I get? - This is funny.
I had group today.
- Miss my ass? Did you guys talk about me gettin' outta there? We had a few other things to talk about, but it's not as intense without you.
This is the last place you'd expect to see me? - I never figured you'd be a Kit Porter fan.
- She's my sister.
Excuse me.
Here you go.
Meet my ex.
Bette Porter, this is Candace Jewell.
Nice to meet you.
Do you wanna sit with me and a couple of my sister's friends? - Where's Tina, by the way? - She wasn't feeling well.
- Hey.
- Hey, baby sis.
This is Yolanda and Candace.
This is Slim Daddy.
- Hi.
Nice to meet you.
- And now please put your hands together together, together, together for Kit Porter! (cheering) Whoo! This is so cool.
It's overwhelming.
I think I need a drink.
I was just kiddin'.
My baby sister is here tonight.
She has helped me go down that straight and narrow.
In the house tonight is Slim Daddy! (cheering) I don't know what I wanna say, but there's no one like this woman.
Kit Porter is a real motherfuckin' diva.
Y'all gonna give it up for Kit.
- I respect that she's your woman.
- She's not.
You met my woman.
Oh, right, right.
Well, I still think the two of you would you know? Yeah.
Lord have mercy on me.
- Hold on - Sing this song, Kit.
To our love We can Rise above All the things that people Seem to think they know They're just words We shouldn't listen Any more Here in the dark Nothing else matters Here in the dark All I wanna do is think of you And I I know that I'll never say goodbye I pass by the California Arts Center every morning.
- I'm doing a job nearby.
- What job? My partner and I are doing the carpentry on a loft.
- You're a carpenter? - Hey.
Sure you don't wanna hang out with us, baby sis? We got everything for everyone who needs anything.
Yeah, I'm sure.
I've gotta get home.
Well, I guess I'll dream about the two of you 'cause I got the basic instinct about you.
Don't you get my sister into any trouble.
I can handle it.
- Thank you.
Thank you.
All right, then.
- I'm so proud of you.
Listen, I should really get home.
It was nice running into you.
Nice to meet you.
Check out the museum one day on your lunch break.
- This is ridiculous.
- I'll get it.
These staff are so slow.
They're useless.
You shouldn't be doing that.
It's their job.
- Well, they're busy.
I'm helping them.
- You're coddling them.
- We didn't order - It's a gift from me.
- I wanna be in Paris this morning.
- I wanna be in profit someday.
My treat.
Put it on the books.
- Kate Moss, eat your heart out! - Look at you! If I didn't know it was you, I'd think someone hot just walked in.
- I feel stupid.
- (Shane) You look so sexy, Dana.
- Really? You like the hair? - Great! - What are you doing? - Me? I'm drinking coffee.
You can't do that.
Bette and Tina'd kill you.
- Bette and Tina would kill her because she's - I I'm sorry.
- Alice might be pregnant.
- "Might" being the word I'm clinging onto.
We thought it was karmically destined because Bette and Tina want a baby so badly.
- You'd have a baby - Bette and Tina would adopt it.
Eh, you can't say anything.
They don't know.
- And you might be misreading the karma.
- The karma.
Do you know what an extraordinary gift that would be? - They're making sure I know that.
- To all of us.
The whole DNA model of family is being reinvented.
We're making a new world that reflects the way we love and - I'd like to see that reflected somewhere.
- What? Um - I'm gonna take care of this today.
- It's mine.
I have a tab to pay.
I'm gonna check out this raw space with Steve Jaffe.
- Yeah? - He's talking about opening up my own salon.
- No way! - You gonna call it Shane, Shane? Yeah, I'm gonna go.
You look great.
- Bye.
- Hey, thank you.
Take care.
There's a line at the counter.
Marina, there's a line.
- Seems to be a communication breakdown.
- Shane, hold up.
I'll see you later.
I gotta go.
Thank you for the croissants and coffee I couldn't drink.
- Aren't you late for something? - Yes.
- Wait for me.
- Thank you.
Thank you.
- Bye.
You look great, really good.
- Thanks.
- Is there something you wanna say? - No.
You pick a fight in front of these people and then you make like you're hurt or victimised? Want someone to come to your rescue? - Maybe.
- Who, Marina? I already rescued you.
Remember? - Hey.
- Hey.
- We'll take the Jag.
- All right.
We're gonna drop my daughter on 3rd Street, so she can kill my hard-earned bucks on an outfit that looks like it's from a reject bin.
That's fine.
I was hoping you might hang out with Clea for a while.
Just something.
- Well - Well, you know what, she she quit college after six months.
She's flailing.
I thought you could spend a little time with her today.
She might open up to you.
Just an instinct I have.
- I don't know, Steve.
It's - I would consider it a favour.
No, I've checked.
I'm checking it twice now, actually.
You've told him we're a non-profit organisation, it's a tax write-off? Well, then, you should let him know that we're waiting for him.
We got a grant to hire a law firm, so 50,000 LA garment-industry workers have health benefits for the first time.
That was our biggest project.
Mostly we deal with very human-scale stuff.
I wanted to tell you, we have a gay and lesbian alliance.
I don't know if you'd be interested.
I think I'd like to do something with kids, underprivileged or at-risk children.
(speaks Spanish) Esai is working to bring down Clay Patterson, the televangelist whose refinery is giving cancer to hundreds of kids in the south LA hood.
He's a bastard.
He gets around every court injunction.
- Some Christian, huh? - Have you ever come across Fae Buckley? - Ben Coughlin just resigned from the board.
- (Bette) You're kidding? He got 62 letters with his company credit card chopped in pieces from people who don't want office supplies from a blaspheming pornographer.
- Shall we get back to work? - Organs of dead animals decomposing.
A man strangling himself while masturbating.
You call that art, Miss Porter? Those are inflammatory descriptions, Miss Buckley, of works of art in large exhibitions.
You didn't answer the question.
What makes that art? (phone buzzes) Excuse me.
It's Tina.
She's been having a rough time.
- Baby, are you all right? - I'm with Oscar.
Oscar Alvarez.
- I'm in the middle of - You won't believe what he does.
- (man speaks Spanish) - Hey.
- Look what we found on Fae Buckley.
- You're doing Fae Buckley research? Yeah.
She was responsible for getting that teacher fired at the University of Missouri.
Child-porn charges based on her three-year-old naked on the beach.
I've been doing this all day.
I've got a highly paid PR firm working with me.
This is what Oscar does, OK? Just listen.
- Is there a problem? - Tina needs to find something of her own.
Tina needs help to get out of a depression.
You gotta look at this.
I think you and your people might find this pretty interesting.
Clea'll be right out.
Now, I want you to know I will not forget this.
Cherie is planning this big mother-daughter trip to Paris.
You should hear her.
Sounds like she's planning the Camp David Summit.
Now, Clea doesn't wanna go.
See if you can't change her mind.
Have a good time, sweetheart.
Look, I know this is lame, but your father asked me to do this, OK? Crap.
- All right, this should be pretty easy.
- Mm-hm.
Shit! Fuck me! - (Shane) Sorry.
- (Clea laughs) - Nice work.
- Can I go one more? Yeah.
I haven't played this game since I was seven.
- No? I never did this as a kid.
- Your parents never took you? They weren't around.
I met my mom once.
- Wow.
You didn't live with her? - No.
(Clea) Wow.
Can I show you something? Do you mind? - Sure.
- May I show you something? Before you hit the ball, try bouncing a few times.
Bounce? OK.
- Wanna try it? Ready? - Yeah.
One, two, three Ah, well.
Just about.
- Nice, though.
- Yeah, it was a great technique.
- Almost there.
- Smart-ass.
- Ah, well.
- Shut up.
Here Cums The Principal.
What is this? Hang on, hang on.
Just turn it off.
What is it? Fae Buckley produces porno videos? No, no, no.
See that girl right there? She's 17.
She ran away from home when she was 14.
Her father was abusing her and her mother couldn't or wouldn't stop him.
Child Services report we pulled has all the gory details.
But her porn star name is China.
Her given name is Cora Buckley.
They know I'm gay.
I just don't wanna talk about it with them.
They're such pervs.
Why are they pervs? They have this cabinet they keep locked in the media room.
One night they got drunk and left some stuff out.
Consuela was cleaning and just happened to push play on the VCR.
Up pops my mom, buck naked, riding my dad, whipping him with his switch.
It was pretty gross.
But you gotta give it to your folks.
I mean, they wanna keep their life interesting.
And they they still wanna get it on.
You know, I've never met anyone like you before.
Well, that's not necessarily a very good thing.
Tell me more about your parents.
How come you didn't live with them? No, no.
No, I - No, I can't do that.
It's not right.
- Why? - It's not what your dad had in mind.
- God, I don't care.
I'm involved in a few things that I - I don't want - Like drugs? What? Yeah, that's part of it.
- What if it's not true? - We got hold of the police records.
Fae paid off a district judge to expunge the record.
- Why has it never come out? - Our people don't know how to play this game.
We're progressives, accused of being morally bankrupt.
They have skeletons in their closets and we don't touch them.
We take the high road, wind up in the ditch.
We leave our dirty laundry hanging out.
They wave it around and make us look like perverts.
We have to get into their closets.
We cannot afford to be so high-minded.
We're getting killed.
(woman sings ballad) - Hey.
- Hi.
Dana, right? Jenny.
- Are you alone? - Yeah.
- Can I sit with you? - Yeah, yeah.
- Here, sit.
- I've never done this before.
- Never been to a bar before? - No, a women's bar by myself.
- Oh.
Me neither.
- Oh, yeah? Alice was supposed to come, but her boyfriend called, so - Alice is bisexual? - Yeah.
This is like something out of the 1950s.
It's so butch and femme.
It's the oldest lesbian bar in LA.
It probably hasn't changed since the '50s.
But really it's no different than any other club.
You have a drink, talk to people you have nothing in common with, realise how unlikely it is you'll ever meet anyone who's right for you again.
So you have met someone right for you? We broke up.
It's messy.
I know that.
- No, no.
It's no problem.
It's fine.
- It's small.
There aren't too many places to sit.
So, you're a tennis player? Mm-hm.
What's that like? - I train a lot.
- Wow.
That's really interesting.
- I go on tour.
- Wow.
I don't have anything to drink.
Do you want juice? - Sure.
- OK.
- So this is where you write? - Yeah, yeah.
I pretty much do everything in here, as you can see.
It used to be my writing studio, um but you know that thing with Tim and I? - Oh, right, yeah.
- So he's letting me stay here so far.
And I pay him rent, which is kinda weird.
(sucks noisily) - Oh, gosh.
- I'm so sorry.
- Oh, God! I'll get 'em dry-cleaned.
- No, it's OK.
I know there's worse stuff on it than that.
(coughs) Here.
Um Just Oh! OK.
- (clunk) - Oh! - Sorry.
Did that hurt? Here.
- It's all right.
- It's OK.
Um You know, why don't - What? - Is this no good? - Why don't you go on top? Here.
That's OK.
This is a really bad idea.
- Isn't it? - It's really bad.
Maybe we should stop before it gets too grim.
- Maybe we should just be friends.
- Yeah, yeah.
I'll just grab this.
Oh, God.
I am so PMS.
It's good to get off my feet.
I have so many functions this month.
- It's good to see you.
- These boots would look amazing on you.
- I need to talk to you.
- I got you a present.
- I can't.
- Try it on.
I can't.
Look, Cherie, if I'm gonna do business with you and your husband, I'm not getting involved in your marriage.
I'm sorry.
You're not trying to break up with me, are you? 'Cause that would be a very very bad thing to do.
Do you like fucking me, Shane? I love it.
Steve'll never find out.
- I'm not wearing any underwear.
- I know.
I can see that.
- You're crazy.
- You have no idea.
- (Tina) Does it lack - (Bette) OK.
Does it lack Does it lack serious literary, artistic, political or scientific value? - Good.
- Insight's just down here.
What are you gonna do when she baits you? "Why are you such an angry lesbian?" "Miss Buckley, why are you such a lying, scheming bigot?" OK, sorry.
"I don't deny I am a lesbian, and it makes me angry when people who haven't seen the work distort and misrepresent it to the public and media.
" - Is that better? - It's a little combative, but it's good.
What else are we forgetting? We did critical thinking, First Amendment, censorship in America.
The Kurosawa quote.
What is it? "Never avert your eyes" Baby, you are so prepared.
Just relax.
Take a deep breath.
OK? You're gonna be great.
Thank you for being here with me.
I know how hard it is for you now just to get out of bed.
I'm gonna be OK.
I know.
- Let's do this is front of Fae Buckley.
- I'm there.
(music and laughter) - Tim! No! - Come on.
I am gonna get you with this.
(Tim laughs) (squeals) Be nice! - Jesus Christ, it was - Bette, I am so glad to see you.
- I have been looking forward to this.
- So have I.
I see you've met.
Nice to have you again.
- I'm glad to be here.
- Darla will take you to make-up.
See you on set.
It must be hard to find your colour.
It's so in-between.
I guess Darla will have to mix.
- What did she mean? - She knows personal details.
- That you're half black.
- Is that a crime? She was trying to psych you out.
It worked.
Bette, the board is fine with it, I'm fine with it, if you wanna use that video.
- (she laughs) - (phone rings) Fuck.
Wait a second.
I'll be right back.
- Hello? - Hi.
- OK.
Tim, we need to talk.
- Can't it wait? No, it can't.
Every minute that goes by you're gonna get into deeper trouble.
- You shouldn't be dating a student.
- It's none of your business.
I know, but what if Randy were to find out, Tim? Tim.
Open the door.
Come on.
- If Randy were to what? - Can you come in? - Don't.
- I'm not doing this in front of her.
- You have no right.
Stay out of my life.
- No.
What are you gonna do, Jenny? Fucking report me? - Fuck you.
- You're obviously that fucking treacherous.
I have with me Bette Porter of the California Arts Center, the museum that is mounting the controversial art exhibition Provocations.
And Fae Buckley of the Coalition of Concerned Citizens, the group leading the efforts to shut down the exhibition.
She needs to loosen up.
She should smile.
When something doesn't go their way, they cry fascism.
I'm sorry this had to happen in front of you, but if you care about him, back off, OK? Let me tell you something.
Nobody in their right minds would believe that you give a shit about what happens to me.
- Are you betraying the public trust? - On the contrary, I'm trusting the public.
What gives me the right to decide what they see? I'm no more entitled than Miss Buckley is to decide what'll uplift and enlighten you.
There she goes with that liberal duck and parry.
It's bad faith to promote an agenda the way this art show does and then claim no responsibility for the immoral behaviour it encourages.
Art is meant to be perceived and interpreted.
It doesn't intrinsically advocate behaviour.
How can you say you're not advocating behaviour? Your whole purpose is to make that lifestyle appear normal, so that more people will wanna try it.
If I were trying to convert people to my lifestyle, as you seem to imply, would I use images of a man flaying himself then trussing up his testicles? That piece makes me so uncomfortable, I can barely look at it.
It won't make anyone wanna be a lesbian.
(debate continues on TV) I opened the '97 Brunello.
Is that the Caparzo or the Castelgiocondo? If it's too expensive, I can always pawn my watch.
Don't be petulant, not if you want me to take you to Antigua.
(Bette on TV).
moral Americans can't decide for themselves whether to go to an art show they might find objectionable.
(host) What about that, Fae? Miss Porter thinks she's clever enough to trick us into believing that filth isn't filth, blasphemy isn't blasphemy, pornography is not pornography, but the stuff speaks for itself.
However hard she tries to defend it, with her fancy language and her insulting logic, all it is is sheer disgusting, filthy, ugly pornography.
She is a pornographer.
I I understand why Miss Buckley is so sickened by the porn industry.
I do.
It's brutal, especially for the poor children and teenage girls who get lured in and exploited because they were running away from something.
Those children lacked love.
They were abused.
How awful it must be to come from a home life so desperate.
There is a world of difference between complex, provocative art and the tragedy of the porn industry.
- (host) What's in the box? - (Fae) Do you believe in God? If you did, this wouldn't be complex.
God has already done the work of sorting through this for us.
Faith makes seemingly complex things simple and obvious.
- God is about the most - The Bible condemns homosexuality.
That's why God took your unborn child from your lesbian lover.
That was a blessing.
That baby is with him now.
So he won't suffer the degradation he would have been subject to had he been born into your depraved life.
(Bette sobs) Monster! I've heard there was a secret chord That David played and it pleased the Lord But you don't really care for music, do you? It goes like this, the fourth, the fifth The minor fall, the major lift The baffled king, composing hallelujah Monster! Hallelujah, hallelujah Hallelujah, hallelujah Your faith was strong but you needed proof You saw her bathing on the roof Her beauty and the moonlight overthrew you She tied you to a kitchen chair She broke your throne She cut your hair And from your lips she drew the hallelujah Hallelujah, hallelujah Hallelujah Hallelujah