The L Word s03e02 Episode Script
Lost Weekend
looks like someone has come up the wrong street, nice sugar.
I'm looking for sex.
You're in the wrong place, sweetie.
Try the safe way in the marina.
It's croweded with straight hot men.
I'm looking for girls.
Go for the dawn, honey.
She's around that corner.
Thanks.
I'm looking for sex.
I'm looking for girls.
Fuck me, so I forget who I am It's too late to stop.
Oh, Jesus.
Saison 3, Episode 2 "Lost weekend" Song : Spotlight - Artist : Roisin How can I count roadkill when I'm driving the whole time? I won, fair and square.
So as the winner, you have to get me a present.
Please.
All right.
Open the glove.
- Oh, my God - It's in that box.
Wait, what are you doing with a gun? Why do you have a gun in your car? It's just a taser.
It's like the cops use.
It just shock people.
I know, but what are you gonna do with it? It's just in case.
You decide to rob a seven/eleven? Look, I can never have to use it.
It's just that.
I get a lot of shoot from people.
- Right.
- Now I can take care of myself.
I'm just gonna put this away.
Now, open the box and get your price already.
Yes, Ma'am.
Holy shit! Be careful, it's all I got.
You know what? Maybe we should wait 'till we get a little clser to LA to ****.
Okay? Song : China White - Artiste : Transientworld Okay.
Hum Did you speak with the The crou The croupier? - Yeah.
- Yeah.
'course I did, Kit.
I spoke with everybody.
The vendors, Absolut.
Elvis and Anna are doing the sound check at five.
- You know that Carmen's - Yeah, Carmen's DJing.
And she's being a little on set.
I know also she's gonna be here to do playback at the sound check.
Okay, well, I gess you're just Mr.
Billie-On-A-Spa.
Spitzboat, that's me.
I'm here to let your youngness into shape.
I'm your boy, Kit.
And frankly, I'm much more qualified to run this place than you are.
Joking.
But I guarantee that after tonight, you're gonna want me to run this joint.
Mm hmm.
We'll see, Mr.
Mary P.
Well, I think the reason why I was with Lisa the lesbian man, is because he wasn't dangerous for me.
You know, I knew I wouldn't get addicted to a guy.
I actually remember having this converation with my friend Tina, That, you know I think guys are kinda easy.
Sorry And I was looking for this pamphlet here, And About all the different kind of love addicts and I'm pretty sure I'm a I'm a OLA Oh, me too.
Yeah, Obsessive Love.
It's the best I mean worst.
There's nothing worst than when you can't let go of someone who's completely over you and distant, abusive, controlling, dictatorial egocentric, unloving, selfish, unable to commit.
And it's my birthday this week and I was gonna tell Hey, happy birthday! Thank you.
Yeah, I just You know, it would be great if Dana would just come by, you know and give me a little prezie, nothing big.
Maybe kiss my ass *** - Get a grip.
- Alice, share.
Thanks, yeah, I mean, I think you guys would be obsessing too.
'Cause our sex was mind-blowingly unfuckingly unbelievable.
And it just kinna, you know, makes you realize that this person could be the one great true love of your life You know.
But she'll be back.
She will be back.
'Cause our love was too intense.
So Mummy loves you too, darling.
Yeah, I see you next week.
You have a wonderfull time at the ballet, I wish I was comming.
Ok, speak to you tomorrow, big kiss, bye.
I wonder for **** got excited about the ballet.
How was it? It sucked.
I have a little surprise for you.
You do? Oh, God, Sorry I'm such a gross bisexual love addict right now - Hi, I'm Janice - Hi.
I know you're having hard time and I'm here to take care of you.
We're exclusively lesbian service.
Did you Hire me a hooker? Alice, it's a lesbian cleaning service.
Lez clean up.
She's going to sort out your entiere appartment.
Oh, my God.
I love you.
Thank you so much, my appartment is so dirty right know and like, - ever since you know - I'ma a big fan of "the Chart" And I'm so sorry about Dana.
Ok, ok.
Thank you.
Thanks.
Ok, great.
Song : Red Rocking Chair - Artist : Dyad You're so fucking beautiful.
And I'm gonna make you come.
While you're driving this.
My girlfriend used to give me head when we drove to school.
Hey, lady.
I'm not your ex.
And I'm not your girlfriend, got it? Right.
- Oh, fuck! - What? Shit! We're out of gas.
- Oh no! - Don't stop Jenny.
Keep going.
Don't blue-ball me.
Hmmm.
Alice, do you want me to clean up around thishuh Around this around Dana.
Alice, what do you want me to do with this Dana thing? Alice is in the loo.
What Dana thing? Jesus! Bloody Christ! Alice!!! What? What the fuck, Helena? Have you completely lost your mind? That's That's no biggie.
It's a fucking shrine, Alice.
A bordering on psychotic and serial killer obsessive type shrine! Dismantle it.
Oh God no, please.
Ok, ok, just let me keep this.
Just let me keep this.
It was really hard to get.
I had to get it in the middle of the night.
You can take the shrine.
You can take the shrine.
Just not this.
Get a box.
- There's a box - Not that box.
You should be ashamed of yourself, Alice.
It's time, to start getting over Dana.
Now, here's what we're going to do: I've tried but in the mean Just listen.
Ok? I didn't have a chance to wash everything, so Great.
I have to pee.
Don't look.
Hey.
Oh my God, How do you do that? I always have.
Even when I was little.
When my dad caught me, he popped me one.
Hello.
Hello.
Hey there fella! - Oh, she's not a - Looks like you need some help.
Yeah we're running out of gas.
Well, not a problem, I'll siphon some out of the RV's.
My name's Hens by the way.
- Hi - Hi, I'm Jenny.
Nice to meet you.
It's my wife Martha.
Hello Martha.
We got some fried chicken in the camper if you and your husband are hungry.
Yes, I would love some fried chicken.
Thank you.
How did you say your name was, son? It's Max.
Song : High Prairie - Artist : Bottleneck You two are so hot together.
At least someone's gettin' a little somethin' somethin' So What's up with the slot machine, Kit? Yeah, you know Billie Blaikie.
He doesn't do anything small.
So you guys are comming, right? It won't be Vegas without you.
Wait a minute.
Are you talking about THE Billie Blaikie? Billie Blaikie? Dude, he's like the best party promoter in town! Kit was thinking about hirring him as her new manager.
Oh my gosh.
Congratulations, lady.
Yeah, that's great if he can keep it in his pants long enough to close out the bar.
Oh, I'm sorry, before we forget, but we can't make it to your baby birthday party tomorrow.
'Cause we have a kinsin Right, the quinceañera.
Yeah, the quinceañera.
Don't worry about it.
It's just really an excuse to have a baby playgroup and half-birthday celebration.
Wait, I don't get it.
What's a quince A quinceañera.
Quinceañera.
Yeah.
Planning a surprise birthday for me.
It's a big birthday party to celebrate a girl who's turning 15 and it's my cousin's birthday, so -Oh - I almost thought they forgot.
So it's kind of like a bat mitzvah.
With tamales.
- Hi.
- Hey! What are you guys talking about? We're having a party for Angelica's six months.
You wanna come? I would love to come to that six-months-old birthday party.
I would Can I I'd love to bring Helena? - Alice - Helena.
I think she should be there.
I think it's time, Bette.
Well, they are good firends.
Yeah, they're always hanging out.
Well, listen Helena, if you really haven't anything else to do then Yeah, it would be fine If you came to the party.
Thank you, it's really sweet of you Bette You know, you really don't have to She does.
What the hell are you doing in here, boy? Can't you read this is ladies' room? Get the fuck out! I'm a girl.
Song : Silk N Vice - Artist : Gerhard Golzo Hey, I got you some lunch.
Hey, just take off, ok? Why? You see that freak there? It was just in the girls' bathroom.
It must be a faggot.
Faggot! Hey, faggot! What did you say? Just let it go, Jenny.
John, you're crazy.
I called you a faggot.
Look man, we don't want any trouble, ok? - No, I don't want any trouble either.
- We're just having some food.
Just want a little talk, you know.
A little talk Look, we're out of here, allright? Dude, leave us alone.
Fuck you, faggot.
- Get out of there.
- Shit! - No.
- No.
Let her go.
Shut up, bitch.
- She fucks you like a man? - Jenny, get back.
Why don't you get back in the truck? I'll show you how real men could fuck.
What did you just say? I said get back in the fucking truck and I show you how a real man could fuck.
Yeah? Jesus Christ.
Fucker.
Well, here's your faggot back.
Why don't you give me a call when you're ready for a real man and we can have some fun, then.
Sure dude, no problem.
- John! - Don't touch him.
Hey, we're not faggot, we're dicks, you assholes.
Fuck you! I hope he's allright.
Fuck, it should have been a real gun.
Girls, boys, punks, freaks, butches, femmes, kings, queens, trannies, trainees, ladies and gentlemen I am Billie Blaikie, your host for this evening and welcome to the Planet first annual casino night : Vulva las Vegas! And let's hear for our cute little DJ, Carmen! Anyway, the money we're gonna raise tonight will go to AIDS project L.
A.
Let's hear for AIDS project Yes.
And that's a much much better cause than the porn websites you spent your money on you, dirty dirty girls.
In a few moments, all bets will be off 'cause the big show is about to start So, get your last few games in, my darlings.
You, dirty, dirty, dirty girl.
And as for me, I'm off to a little league game.
Oh, come on.
There's grand tall women left.
Come on, loosen up lesbians, I know you don't want to talk about that cock and condom stuff, do you? No, you wanna celebrate a snatch, don't you? You wanna venerate the vagina.
You wanna praise the pussy.
Well, rest assured we wanna all praise the pussy here.
Ok, keep drinking everybody 'cause you know what happens when you keep drinking, Everyone looks cuter.
And PS : Here's the money.
Do you think this is it? Yeah, it looks like a typical small-town gay bar.
Come on, let's get inside.
It's just an idea Try 32 red.
No, no these are your chips, really Just take them and try.
Bet the lot, Bett.
You look lucky tonight.
She's lucky, she's my sister.
Come on girl.
- Come on.
- Come on girl.
- Ok, alright.
- Alright, here we go.
Load it up.
Gimme more money.
Oh my God, I actually won.
Eh, congratulations Thanks you.
Nice job.
- No, no, no, no, this is yours - Oh, I want you to have it.
Dental dams, ladies, safe.
Keep it safe, keep it safe.
Thanks.
Hey, I could use a few of those over here, huh ? Who's my tiger ? Song : Bottoms Up - Artist : Hermann Egger And two more tequila here, ladies.
I think I know who'll be taking whom home tonight.
What does that mean ? Let's go, my girlfriend.
- Hey.
- hey.
Wanna dance ? Come on.
- Two more tequilas.
- Tequila ? Sure babe.
Thank you.
Thanks.
Thank you.
Excuse me.
Hi, can we go ? Now ? Yeah, if.
.
What's your name ? Katrina.
Yeah, Katrina, if you don't mind.
I'm sorry, I didn't know you two were together - We're not - We're not.
Bye.
Have you seen David yet ? Is he here ? No, I haven't seen him.
I haven't seen him at all.
So, what do you think ? What do you think of Billy ? Well, the place is packed.
What ? You don't like him ? "I'm on my way to a little league game.
" He was just playing.
It was a joke.
It's not even remotely funny.
Dolls, I give you Elvis, the King and Miss Kitten Witherhip herself.
Ann Margaret ! Thanks, Billy.
Oh, hi there, Twist, twist.
Look at this place, Elvis, gonna blow out.
Song : The Lady Loves Me Artist : Maggie Moore as Ann-Margret and Yvette Narlock as Elvis Woh, what's going on in here ? Hey, David.
It looks like a nightmare.
Well, this is another wild night at the planet.
She said you wanted to talk to me ? Yeah, yeah, I do.
Hey, David ! So ? What do you think ? I think that they're they're freaks.
And this kind of non-sense attracts freaks to one's respectable establishement.
You know what? For a minute I was seriously considering shagging you, Mr.
Izod.
But you're not a very nice fellow, are you? Billy, this is David Ward.
This is Kit's son.
Enchanté then, Dark Star.
And David, this is Billy Blaikie, my new manager.
Oooh You won't regret it, my darling.
See you later.
Your new manager ? David, don't you go pass a judgment on him.
That man has done more for this community than Kit, Kit David has the right to his opinion.
I know he does.
But you know, let me tell you something.
It gives me great joy to see this people in here laughing and partying and living the life they love and loving the life they live.
And I can see that you just can't get done with that, can you ? No mom, I can't get done with that.
Just give me that.
See you both later.
Kit, I really need him to be there tomorrow when Roberta Colly shows up.
I know, I know, okay ? I'll talk to him.
I just need to sleep a little, okay ? He's such an arrogant little prick.
Are you gonna tell me what you want ? Or you're just gonna sit there, acting all weird and silent ? What do you mean "what do I want" ? I mean you say you don't wanna be my girlfriend And then you got a weird and jealous girlfriend on me back there You know It was it was fucked up.
Do you wanna be my outlaw girlfriend, Jenny ? Do you wanna be my friend ? Do you just wanna be my fuck buddy on the road ? What do you want ? I want you to get up against the wall Now open your shirt.
Open.
Tell me you want me to fuck you.
You never let me fuck you.
No.
I can't.
I'm sorry.
Fuck.
I'm sorry.
Come here.
Come on.
Tina ? You're awake ? I'm scared.
It's ok, baby.
What if I can't adopt her ? What if I cant' find the job that I really love ? What if I lose the house ? I feel like.
.
I feel like I don't have any control over anything.
I mean, I don't know what's going on with us ? I don't know if it's just all the changes and.
.
Tina ? Tina ? Hey, little foxy brunette.
- You do look like me, don't you ? - You see ? She's not listening to anything I say.
Oh, I heard you.
I am supposed to take progesterone to help me with the crisis.
But what are you gonna take to help you with you "bigotery" Kit ! I thought we agreed.
I'm sorry, you're right.
We are going to put this all behind us so we can agree to disagree so David would help us today.
Ok, so tell me why I'm here.
What can I do for you, ladies ? Well David Hey, do you want to hold her for a little while ? Go to your uncle David, for a little while.
There's a woman coming over and, uh, in just a little while And we wanted her to see how great you are with Angelica.
You mind if I ask why ? She's our adoption case worker and.
.
and she's making her second home visit today And one of her big concerns is wether or not Is that her already ? - My God.
- Just wait, wait, wait.
One of her, uh, big concerns was whether or not Angelica had an important man in her life and we just thought it would reassure her to let her see you with Angelica.
So that she could see that you're Angelica's main man.
You know what I'm saying ? Hi, Roberta.
I should be alright now.
Ok, let us know if you need more help, ma'ame.
We're just in the neighbourhood.
Thank you, you're too kind.
Sorry, I can't.
What do you mean you can't ? Roberta, you remember Kit Porter.
Bette's sister.
And this is her son, David, Angelica's cousin.
I don't believe in gay adoption.
I think that a child is best raised having both a mother and a father And I think that she will suffer later on in the absence of tradionnal family values.
So I'm afraid that it would be hypocritical of me to stand here and to forge for you.
Especially in front of a government official.
Sorry.
It's nice to meet you ma'ame.
I'm glad to see someone in your family has proper respect for the government.
Song : Leonard The Swan - Artist : Danny Camero This is called The Ultimate Patriotic Act.
It's by a guerrilla girl.
I love it.
Tina hates it.
What, she hates this piece ? Well, that's good, we want the work to release strong reactions.
Not from my life partner.
I want my partner to support me.
What ? Inconditionally ? Well, I don't know.
I mean why shouldn't I expect the person that I'm closest to in the world to try to see things from my point of view, instead of challenging me and questioning my convictions all the time? I, really, I get enough of that, from the world at large.
Are you and Tina okay? I mean, I know it's hard with a new baby.
We don't really talk anymore, we just have arguments for money, arguments about baby-sitters, arguments about bress-feedings, schedules We had this hideous meeting with the adoption social worker this morning.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry, Joy, you really don't need this right now.
Look, I have two other pieces that I can show you Have you talk to Tina ? Maybe if the two of you saw someone together.
We've been to therapy.
We've seen 3 differents therapists in 3 years so Bette, have you ever heard of Mark Epstein ? Is he an artist ? He's giving a talk tonight.
He's a psychiatrist.
But he's also an eminent buddhist philosopher and author.
Oh, right.
"Pure a thought without a thinker".
I remember everybody was reading that when I first moved to New York.
Well, he's got a new book.
It's called "Open to desire".
Open to desire ? I thought I thought buddhisme was about freedom for desire.
I thought desire was supposed to be the root of all evil or something.
Mark's got lot of sense to subject.
I think it might resonate for you Shane ? Shane, come out.
Come on out, let me see.
Oh my God.
You look like you're five.
I feel like a piñata.
You're too small to be a piñata but how about the top of the training wedding cake? - You're not helping me.
- I'm sorry, I'm sorry baby, that wasn't funny, was it ? Let me see.
Well, it's ok.
Oh, come here, come here.
This is help you at all ? - No.
- No? Quiero lamer te hasta que te vengas en mi boca mil veces What does that mean? I'm gonna lick you until you come in my mouth a thousand times - What are we gonna do about the shoes ? - What ? You can't wear those shoes, you have to change them - No! - Yes, stay here, I'm gonna get a pair of chacha heel.
Hi Hi.
Hey there, who are you? - Roland.
Are you the clown ? - I'm the birthday girl, Roland.
And yes, yes I am the clown.
Mummy, mummy, the clown is here.
Song : Bonito Y Sabroso - Artist : Mambo! Mambo! Mambo! Oh my God, Chane, you look so boñita.
Look everybody.
Hola everyone This is Carmen's friend, Chane.
She's wearing my dress.
Where is Marisela ? Shouldn't she be here get ready with the rest of us ? Probably outside smoking cigarette like you did for your quinceañera.
Aye, caya te liosa Carmen Your mama was at Ricardo Lopez car making out with him Mamita, you'd never told me that story ! - That's because it wasn't truly, huh ? - Si, es la veridad.
- Was Carmen good during her quin quince - Quinceñera - Yeah, quinceañera.
- She was an angel, always.
Carmen was the nunes' favourite.
Isn't that true, Carmencita ? Ok, it's Chane's turn now.
Come on Chane.
Oh, mama, no ! Such a pretty face.
I'll make you look beautiful, come.
It's ok, it's ok.
Shane, your hair is a little uneven, but you want me to cut it straight? No.
I mean, no, Thank you, I think.
Okay.
It's good, thanks.
I have another idea.
Girls, sorry to intrude but we have a bit of a disaster on our hands.
The food is disgusting and people are starving.
We're aware.
Actually, it's Alice.
She was under the misapprehension that this was a surprise birthday party for her.
Oh, shit.
It's Alice birthday, I forgot.
Me too.
Where the fuck around here to get a beer.
Sorry, kiddy party Hey, everybody.
It's time for the cake.
Happy birthday! Happy birthday.
That's really cool.
Can I have her? Do you wanna blow out the candles? Ready for a big girl? Yeah! Shane? Shane! There's somebody I want you to meet.
This is Luis.
- Hello.
- Hello.
Go on.
Dance.
Dance.
What's up, Luis? I love her.
Who's that? I love Carmen.
I love her since I was a little boy.
She wants ton see me as a friend.
Maybe you can talk to her for me? Mercedes says your her best friend.
You could tell her I love her.
You know Luis, uh Maybe these feelings you have for Carmen Maybe, there're not the same for her.
- Hi.
- Hi.
Mind if I cut in? Okay.
You don't think this is a little risky? Oh, I didn't tell you that uh In latino culture, It's okay if two girls dance with each other.
It's not exactly queer.
- You left that part out, huh.
- Yes, I did.
I love your hair.
You owe me.
I know, thank you.
You're welcome.
Thank you so much Angus.
I hope you had a good time.
I ran into an ex of mine.
In fact, three of my ex girlfriends are now lesbians.
Oh, that's quite a record.
What can I say, I'm attracted to women who like to go down on other women.
We wanna ask you someting.
Ok.
Tina and I are thinking about hiring a nanny for Angelica, just part time.
And we know that you're looking for part time work.
And we just think it would be great for Angelica to have a man in her life.
You know, I mean, somebody that she's close to.
Scratchy face I know exactly what you mean.
I I'd be honoured.
Great.
Thanks guys.
That was an awsome birthday.
You're welcome.
And I don't think I thought of Dana for like 47 minutes, kinda.
- It's good, right? - Yeah, it's really good.
How was it today, baby, you're really tired.
I know, George is kicking my butt.
It's wired, it's like he wants me to win this tournament more than I do.
Hey, what did Dr Granman say? Shit.
Forgot.
Dana do you have any idea how hard it was for me to get you that appointment? I had to promise to cater a private dinner for him and his wife just to get you in ther before June.
Oh, no.
And you know, that at 30, you should go and get an exam.
you know that.
I know, it's just I'm sorry, I've never been to a male Gyno before.
I think it's wired and I don't want some dude looking at my woodle.
Well then, why don't you just go to a lady doctor? Okay.
But just go, okay? Yes, I think Bette and Tina have a lady doctor.
I'll call her tomorrow, okay? What is this? What's bear night? This will be fun.
Come on.
Song : Whose Making You Cry - Artist : Kayle This is great.
Okay, every single person in my family adores you.
My mother, she absolutely loves you.
I love them too.
You do? Hmm, but I wonder how much they'd love me if they knew I was fucking their daughter.
Well I wonder who's gonna be doing the fucking tonight, because you looked pretty girlly in that dress you had.
Well You look a little girlly yourself.
Song : Feel Like Makin' Love - Artist : D'Angelo No no no, don't answer.
What if that's an emergency? No no no no.
Hi, Jenny.
Huh, Yeah, are you okay? Yeah I'm fine, no no no no no don't worry.
Yeah, we're just taking our time.
We're gonna be there in a couple of days.
Oh, my friend Moira decided to take her pickup truck and we're driving accross country now.
What? My girlfriend? Hang on.
Excuse me, Moira? Are you my girlfriend? We don't know.
It's not desire that's the problem, one of my teachers used to say.
It's that your desires are too small.
This shift in consciensness is what links the worlds of art, therapy and meditation.
James Joyce described the mental posture required to appreciate a work of art as beholding.
If you pull it to close it becomes pornography.
And if you distance yourself, it becomes critisism.
Song : Naked - Artist : Tracy Bonham
I'm looking for sex.
You're in the wrong place, sweetie.
Try the safe way in the marina.
It's croweded with straight hot men.
I'm looking for girls.
Go for the dawn, honey.
She's around that corner.
Thanks.
I'm looking for sex.
I'm looking for girls.
Fuck me, so I forget who I am It's too late to stop.
Oh, Jesus.
Saison 3, Episode 2 "Lost weekend" Song : Spotlight - Artist : Roisin How can I count roadkill when I'm driving the whole time? I won, fair and square.
So as the winner, you have to get me a present.
Please.
All right.
Open the glove.
- Oh, my God - It's in that box.
Wait, what are you doing with a gun? Why do you have a gun in your car? It's just a taser.
It's like the cops use.
It just shock people.
I know, but what are you gonna do with it? It's just in case.
You decide to rob a seven/eleven? Look, I can never have to use it.
It's just that.
I get a lot of shoot from people.
- Right.
- Now I can take care of myself.
I'm just gonna put this away.
Now, open the box and get your price already.
Yes, Ma'am.
Holy shit! Be careful, it's all I got.
You know what? Maybe we should wait 'till we get a little clser to LA to ****.
Okay? Song : China White - Artiste : Transientworld Okay.
Hum Did you speak with the The crou The croupier? - Yeah.
- Yeah.
'course I did, Kit.
I spoke with everybody.
The vendors, Absolut.
Elvis and Anna are doing the sound check at five.
- You know that Carmen's - Yeah, Carmen's DJing.
And she's being a little on set.
I know also she's gonna be here to do playback at the sound check.
Okay, well, I gess you're just Mr.
Billie-On-A-Spa.
Spitzboat, that's me.
I'm here to let your youngness into shape.
I'm your boy, Kit.
And frankly, I'm much more qualified to run this place than you are.
Joking.
But I guarantee that after tonight, you're gonna want me to run this joint.
Mm hmm.
We'll see, Mr.
Mary P.
Well, I think the reason why I was with Lisa the lesbian man, is because he wasn't dangerous for me.
You know, I knew I wouldn't get addicted to a guy.
I actually remember having this converation with my friend Tina, That, you know I think guys are kinda easy.
Sorry And I was looking for this pamphlet here, And About all the different kind of love addicts and I'm pretty sure I'm a I'm a OLA Oh, me too.
Yeah, Obsessive Love.
It's the best I mean worst.
There's nothing worst than when you can't let go of someone who's completely over you and distant, abusive, controlling, dictatorial egocentric, unloving, selfish, unable to commit.
And it's my birthday this week and I was gonna tell Hey, happy birthday! Thank you.
Yeah, I just You know, it would be great if Dana would just come by, you know and give me a little prezie, nothing big.
Maybe kiss my ass *** - Get a grip.
- Alice, share.
Thanks, yeah, I mean, I think you guys would be obsessing too.
'Cause our sex was mind-blowingly unfuckingly unbelievable.
And it just kinna, you know, makes you realize that this person could be the one great true love of your life You know.
But she'll be back.
She will be back.
'Cause our love was too intense.
So Mummy loves you too, darling.
Yeah, I see you next week.
You have a wonderfull time at the ballet, I wish I was comming.
Ok, speak to you tomorrow, big kiss, bye.
I wonder for **** got excited about the ballet.
How was it? It sucked.
I have a little surprise for you.
You do? Oh, God, Sorry I'm such a gross bisexual love addict right now - Hi, I'm Janice - Hi.
I know you're having hard time and I'm here to take care of you.
We're exclusively lesbian service.
Did you Hire me a hooker? Alice, it's a lesbian cleaning service.
Lez clean up.
She's going to sort out your entiere appartment.
Oh, my God.
I love you.
Thank you so much, my appartment is so dirty right know and like, - ever since you know - I'ma a big fan of "the Chart" And I'm so sorry about Dana.
Ok, ok.
Thank you.
Thanks.
Ok, great.
Song : Red Rocking Chair - Artist : Dyad You're so fucking beautiful.
And I'm gonna make you come.
While you're driving this.
My girlfriend used to give me head when we drove to school.
Hey, lady.
I'm not your ex.
And I'm not your girlfriend, got it? Right.
- Oh, fuck! - What? Shit! We're out of gas.
- Oh no! - Don't stop Jenny.
Keep going.
Don't blue-ball me.
Hmmm.
Alice, do you want me to clean up around thishuh Around this around Dana.
Alice, what do you want me to do with this Dana thing? Alice is in the loo.
What Dana thing? Jesus! Bloody Christ! Alice!!! What? What the fuck, Helena? Have you completely lost your mind? That's That's no biggie.
It's a fucking shrine, Alice.
A bordering on psychotic and serial killer obsessive type shrine! Dismantle it.
Oh God no, please.
Ok, ok, just let me keep this.
Just let me keep this.
It was really hard to get.
I had to get it in the middle of the night.
You can take the shrine.
You can take the shrine.
Just not this.
Get a box.
- There's a box - Not that box.
You should be ashamed of yourself, Alice.
It's time, to start getting over Dana.
Now, here's what we're going to do: I've tried but in the mean Just listen.
Ok? I didn't have a chance to wash everything, so Great.
I have to pee.
Don't look.
Hey.
Oh my God, How do you do that? I always have.
Even when I was little.
When my dad caught me, he popped me one.
Hello.
Hello.
Hey there fella! - Oh, she's not a - Looks like you need some help.
Yeah we're running out of gas.
Well, not a problem, I'll siphon some out of the RV's.
My name's Hens by the way.
- Hi - Hi, I'm Jenny.
Nice to meet you.
It's my wife Martha.
Hello Martha.
We got some fried chicken in the camper if you and your husband are hungry.
Yes, I would love some fried chicken.
Thank you.
How did you say your name was, son? It's Max.
Song : High Prairie - Artist : Bottleneck You two are so hot together.
At least someone's gettin' a little somethin' somethin' So What's up with the slot machine, Kit? Yeah, you know Billie Blaikie.
He doesn't do anything small.
So you guys are comming, right? It won't be Vegas without you.
Wait a minute.
Are you talking about THE Billie Blaikie? Billie Blaikie? Dude, he's like the best party promoter in town! Kit was thinking about hirring him as her new manager.
Oh my gosh.
Congratulations, lady.
Yeah, that's great if he can keep it in his pants long enough to close out the bar.
Oh, I'm sorry, before we forget, but we can't make it to your baby birthday party tomorrow.
'Cause we have a kinsin Right, the quinceañera.
Yeah, the quinceañera.
Don't worry about it.
It's just really an excuse to have a baby playgroup and half-birthday celebration.
Wait, I don't get it.
What's a quince A quinceañera.
Quinceañera.
Yeah.
Planning a surprise birthday for me.
It's a big birthday party to celebrate a girl who's turning 15 and it's my cousin's birthday, so -Oh - I almost thought they forgot.
So it's kind of like a bat mitzvah.
With tamales.
- Hi.
- Hey! What are you guys talking about? We're having a party for Angelica's six months.
You wanna come? I would love to come to that six-months-old birthday party.
I would Can I I'd love to bring Helena? - Alice - Helena.
I think she should be there.
I think it's time, Bette.
Well, they are good firends.
Yeah, they're always hanging out.
Well, listen Helena, if you really haven't anything else to do then Yeah, it would be fine If you came to the party.
Thank you, it's really sweet of you Bette You know, you really don't have to She does.
What the hell are you doing in here, boy? Can't you read this is ladies' room? Get the fuck out! I'm a girl.
Song : Silk N Vice - Artist : Gerhard Golzo Hey, I got you some lunch.
Hey, just take off, ok? Why? You see that freak there? It was just in the girls' bathroom.
It must be a faggot.
Faggot! Hey, faggot! What did you say? Just let it go, Jenny.
John, you're crazy.
I called you a faggot.
Look man, we don't want any trouble, ok? - No, I don't want any trouble either.
- We're just having some food.
Just want a little talk, you know.
A little talk Look, we're out of here, allright? Dude, leave us alone.
Fuck you, faggot.
- Get out of there.
- Shit! - No.
- No.
Let her go.
Shut up, bitch.
- She fucks you like a man? - Jenny, get back.
Why don't you get back in the truck? I'll show you how real men could fuck.
What did you just say? I said get back in the fucking truck and I show you how a real man could fuck.
Yeah? Jesus Christ.
Fucker.
Well, here's your faggot back.
Why don't you give me a call when you're ready for a real man and we can have some fun, then.
Sure dude, no problem.
- John! - Don't touch him.
Hey, we're not faggot, we're dicks, you assholes.
Fuck you! I hope he's allright.
Fuck, it should have been a real gun.
Girls, boys, punks, freaks, butches, femmes, kings, queens, trannies, trainees, ladies and gentlemen I am Billie Blaikie, your host for this evening and welcome to the Planet first annual casino night : Vulva las Vegas! And let's hear for our cute little DJ, Carmen! Anyway, the money we're gonna raise tonight will go to AIDS project L.
A.
Let's hear for AIDS project Yes.
And that's a much much better cause than the porn websites you spent your money on you, dirty dirty girls.
In a few moments, all bets will be off 'cause the big show is about to start So, get your last few games in, my darlings.
You, dirty, dirty, dirty girl.
And as for me, I'm off to a little league game.
Oh, come on.
There's grand tall women left.
Come on, loosen up lesbians, I know you don't want to talk about that cock and condom stuff, do you? No, you wanna celebrate a snatch, don't you? You wanna venerate the vagina.
You wanna praise the pussy.
Well, rest assured we wanna all praise the pussy here.
Ok, keep drinking everybody 'cause you know what happens when you keep drinking, Everyone looks cuter.
And PS : Here's the money.
Do you think this is it? Yeah, it looks like a typical small-town gay bar.
Come on, let's get inside.
It's just an idea Try 32 red.
No, no these are your chips, really Just take them and try.
Bet the lot, Bett.
You look lucky tonight.
She's lucky, she's my sister.
Come on girl.
- Come on.
- Come on girl.
- Ok, alright.
- Alright, here we go.
Load it up.
Gimme more money.
Oh my God, I actually won.
Eh, congratulations Thanks you.
Nice job.
- No, no, no, no, this is yours - Oh, I want you to have it.
Dental dams, ladies, safe.
Keep it safe, keep it safe.
Thanks.
Hey, I could use a few of those over here, huh ? Who's my tiger ? Song : Bottoms Up - Artist : Hermann Egger And two more tequila here, ladies.
I think I know who'll be taking whom home tonight.
What does that mean ? Let's go, my girlfriend.
- Hey.
- hey.
Wanna dance ? Come on.
- Two more tequilas.
- Tequila ? Sure babe.
Thank you.
Thanks.
Thank you.
Excuse me.
Hi, can we go ? Now ? Yeah, if.
.
What's your name ? Katrina.
Yeah, Katrina, if you don't mind.
I'm sorry, I didn't know you two were together - We're not - We're not.
Bye.
Have you seen David yet ? Is he here ? No, I haven't seen him.
I haven't seen him at all.
So, what do you think ? What do you think of Billy ? Well, the place is packed.
What ? You don't like him ? "I'm on my way to a little league game.
" He was just playing.
It was a joke.
It's not even remotely funny.
Dolls, I give you Elvis, the King and Miss Kitten Witherhip herself.
Ann Margaret ! Thanks, Billy.
Oh, hi there, Twist, twist.
Look at this place, Elvis, gonna blow out.
Song : The Lady Loves Me Artist : Maggie Moore as Ann-Margret and Yvette Narlock as Elvis Woh, what's going on in here ? Hey, David.
It looks like a nightmare.
Well, this is another wild night at the planet.
She said you wanted to talk to me ? Yeah, yeah, I do.
Hey, David ! So ? What do you think ? I think that they're they're freaks.
And this kind of non-sense attracts freaks to one's respectable establishement.
You know what? For a minute I was seriously considering shagging you, Mr.
Izod.
But you're not a very nice fellow, are you? Billy, this is David Ward.
This is Kit's son.
Enchanté then, Dark Star.
And David, this is Billy Blaikie, my new manager.
Oooh You won't regret it, my darling.
See you later.
Your new manager ? David, don't you go pass a judgment on him.
That man has done more for this community than Kit, Kit David has the right to his opinion.
I know he does.
But you know, let me tell you something.
It gives me great joy to see this people in here laughing and partying and living the life they love and loving the life they live.
And I can see that you just can't get done with that, can you ? No mom, I can't get done with that.
Just give me that.
See you both later.
Kit, I really need him to be there tomorrow when Roberta Colly shows up.
I know, I know, okay ? I'll talk to him.
I just need to sleep a little, okay ? He's such an arrogant little prick.
Are you gonna tell me what you want ? Or you're just gonna sit there, acting all weird and silent ? What do you mean "what do I want" ? I mean you say you don't wanna be my girlfriend And then you got a weird and jealous girlfriend on me back there You know It was it was fucked up.
Do you wanna be my outlaw girlfriend, Jenny ? Do you wanna be my friend ? Do you just wanna be my fuck buddy on the road ? What do you want ? I want you to get up against the wall Now open your shirt.
Open.
Tell me you want me to fuck you.
You never let me fuck you.
No.
I can't.
I'm sorry.
Fuck.
I'm sorry.
Come here.
Come on.
Tina ? You're awake ? I'm scared.
It's ok, baby.
What if I can't adopt her ? What if I cant' find the job that I really love ? What if I lose the house ? I feel like.
.
I feel like I don't have any control over anything.
I mean, I don't know what's going on with us ? I don't know if it's just all the changes and.
.
Tina ? Tina ? Hey, little foxy brunette.
- You do look like me, don't you ? - You see ? She's not listening to anything I say.
Oh, I heard you.
I am supposed to take progesterone to help me with the crisis.
But what are you gonna take to help you with you "bigotery" Kit ! I thought we agreed.
I'm sorry, you're right.
We are going to put this all behind us so we can agree to disagree so David would help us today.
Ok, so tell me why I'm here.
What can I do for you, ladies ? Well David Hey, do you want to hold her for a little while ? Go to your uncle David, for a little while.
There's a woman coming over and, uh, in just a little while And we wanted her to see how great you are with Angelica.
You mind if I ask why ? She's our adoption case worker and.
.
and she's making her second home visit today And one of her big concerns is wether or not Is that her already ? - My God.
- Just wait, wait, wait.
One of her, uh, big concerns was whether or not Angelica had an important man in her life and we just thought it would reassure her to let her see you with Angelica.
So that she could see that you're Angelica's main man.
You know what I'm saying ? Hi, Roberta.
I should be alright now.
Ok, let us know if you need more help, ma'ame.
We're just in the neighbourhood.
Thank you, you're too kind.
Sorry, I can't.
What do you mean you can't ? Roberta, you remember Kit Porter.
Bette's sister.
And this is her son, David, Angelica's cousin.
I don't believe in gay adoption.
I think that a child is best raised having both a mother and a father And I think that she will suffer later on in the absence of tradionnal family values.
So I'm afraid that it would be hypocritical of me to stand here and to forge for you.
Especially in front of a government official.
Sorry.
It's nice to meet you ma'ame.
I'm glad to see someone in your family has proper respect for the government.
Song : Leonard The Swan - Artist : Danny Camero This is called The Ultimate Patriotic Act.
It's by a guerrilla girl.
I love it.
Tina hates it.
What, she hates this piece ? Well, that's good, we want the work to release strong reactions.
Not from my life partner.
I want my partner to support me.
What ? Inconditionally ? Well, I don't know.
I mean why shouldn't I expect the person that I'm closest to in the world to try to see things from my point of view, instead of challenging me and questioning my convictions all the time? I, really, I get enough of that, from the world at large.
Are you and Tina okay? I mean, I know it's hard with a new baby.
We don't really talk anymore, we just have arguments for money, arguments about baby-sitters, arguments about bress-feedings, schedules We had this hideous meeting with the adoption social worker this morning.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry, Joy, you really don't need this right now.
Look, I have two other pieces that I can show you Have you talk to Tina ? Maybe if the two of you saw someone together.
We've been to therapy.
We've seen 3 differents therapists in 3 years so Bette, have you ever heard of Mark Epstein ? Is he an artist ? He's giving a talk tonight.
He's a psychiatrist.
But he's also an eminent buddhist philosopher and author.
Oh, right.
"Pure a thought without a thinker".
I remember everybody was reading that when I first moved to New York.
Well, he's got a new book.
It's called "Open to desire".
Open to desire ? I thought I thought buddhisme was about freedom for desire.
I thought desire was supposed to be the root of all evil or something.
Mark's got lot of sense to subject.
I think it might resonate for you Shane ? Shane, come out.
Come on out, let me see.
Oh my God.
You look like you're five.
I feel like a piñata.
You're too small to be a piñata but how about the top of the training wedding cake? - You're not helping me.
- I'm sorry, I'm sorry baby, that wasn't funny, was it ? Let me see.
Well, it's ok.
Oh, come here, come here.
This is help you at all ? - No.
- No? Quiero lamer te hasta que te vengas en mi boca mil veces What does that mean? I'm gonna lick you until you come in my mouth a thousand times - What are we gonna do about the shoes ? - What ? You can't wear those shoes, you have to change them - No! - Yes, stay here, I'm gonna get a pair of chacha heel.
Hi Hi.
Hey there, who are you? - Roland.
Are you the clown ? - I'm the birthday girl, Roland.
And yes, yes I am the clown.
Mummy, mummy, the clown is here.
Song : Bonito Y Sabroso - Artist : Mambo! Mambo! Mambo! Oh my God, Chane, you look so boñita.
Look everybody.
Hola everyone This is Carmen's friend, Chane.
She's wearing my dress.
Where is Marisela ? Shouldn't she be here get ready with the rest of us ? Probably outside smoking cigarette like you did for your quinceañera.
Aye, caya te liosa Carmen Your mama was at Ricardo Lopez car making out with him Mamita, you'd never told me that story ! - That's because it wasn't truly, huh ? - Si, es la veridad.
- Was Carmen good during her quin quince - Quinceñera - Yeah, quinceañera.
- She was an angel, always.
Carmen was the nunes' favourite.
Isn't that true, Carmencita ? Ok, it's Chane's turn now.
Come on Chane.
Oh, mama, no ! Such a pretty face.
I'll make you look beautiful, come.
It's ok, it's ok.
Shane, your hair is a little uneven, but you want me to cut it straight? No.
I mean, no, Thank you, I think.
Okay.
It's good, thanks.
I have another idea.
Girls, sorry to intrude but we have a bit of a disaster on our hands.
The food is disgusting and people are starving.
We're aware.
Actually, it's Alice.
She was under the misapprehension that this was a surprise birthday party for her.
Oh, shit.
It's Alice birthday, I forgot.
Me too.
Where the fuck around here to get a beer.
Sorry, kiddy party Hey, everybody.
It's time for the cake.
Happy birthday! Happy birthday.
That's really cool.
Can I have her? Do you wanna blow out the candles? Ready for a big girl? Yeah! Shane? Shane! There's somebody I want you to meet.
This is Luis.
- Hello.
- Hello.
Go on.
Dance.
Dance.
What's up, Luis? I love her.
Who's that? I love Carmen.
I love her since I was a little boy.
She wants ton see me as a friend.
Maybe you can talk to her for me? Mercedes says your her best friend.
You could tell her I love her.
You know Luis, uh Maybe these feelings you have for Carmen Maybe, there're not the same for her.
- Hi.
- Hi.
Mind if I cut in? Okay.
You don't think this is a little risky? Oh, I didn't tell you that uh In latino culture, It's okay if two girls dance with each other.
It's not exactly queer.
- You left that part out, huh.
- Yes, I did.
I love your hair.
You owe me.
I know, thank you.
You're welcome.
Thank you so much Angus.
I hope you had a good time.
I ran into an ex of mine.
In fact, three of my ex girlfriends are now lesbians.
Oh, that's quite a record.
What can I say, I'm attracted to women who like to go down on other women.
We wanna ask you someting.
Ok.
Tina and I are thinking about hiring a nanny for Angelica, just part time.
And we know that you're looking for part time work.
And we just think it would be great for Angelica to have a man in her life.
You know, I mean, somebody that she's close to.
Scratchy face I know exactly what you mean.
I I'd be honoured.
Great.
Thanks guys.
That was an awsome birthday.
You're welcome.
And I don't think I thought of Dana for like 47 minutes, kinda.
- It's good, right? - Yeah, it's really good.
How was it today, baby, you're really tired.
I know, George is kicking my butt.
It's wired, it's like he wants me to win this tournament more than I do.
Hey, what did Dr Granman say? Shit.
Forgot.
Dana do you have any idea how hard it was for me to get you that appointment? I had to promise to cater a private dinner for him and his wife just to get you in ther before June.
Oh, no.
And you know, that at 30, you should go and get an exam.
you know that.
I know, it's just I'm sorry, I've never been to a male Gyno before.
I think it's wired and I don't want some dude looking at my woodle.
Well then, why don't you just go to a lady doctor? Okay.
But just go, okay? Yes, I think Bette and Tina have a lady doctor.
I'll call her tomorrow, okay? What is this? What's bear night? This will be fun.
Come on.
Song : Whose Making You Cry - Artist : Kayle This is great.
Okay, every single person in my family adores you.
My mother, she absolutely loves you.
I love them too.
You do? Hmm, but I wonder how much they'd love me if they knew I was fucking their daughter.
Well I wonder who's gonna be doing the fucking tonight, because you looked pretty girlly in that dress you had.
Well You look a little girlly yourself.
Song : Feel Like Makin' Love - Artist : D'Angelo No no no, don't answer.
What if that's an emergency? No no no no.
Hi, Jenny.
Huh, Yeah, are you okay? Yeah I'm fine, no no no no no don't worry.
Yeah, we're just taking our time.
We're gonna be there in a couple of days.
Oh, my friend Moira decided to take her pickup truck and we're driving accross country now.
What? My girlfriend? Hang on.
Excuse me, Moira? Are you my girlfriend? We don't know.
It's not desire that's the problem, one of my teachers used to say.
It's that your desires are too small.
This shift in consciensness is what links the worlds of art, therapy and meditation.
James Joyce described the mental posture required to appreciate a work of art as beholding.
If you pull it to close it becomes pornography.
And if you distance yourself, it becomes critisism.
Song : Naked - Artist : Tracy Bonham