The Life and Times of Tim (2008) s03e06 Episode Script

Pudding Boy; The Celebrity Who Shall Remain Nameless

Now you're looking at a man that's getting kinda mad I had lots of luck but it's all been bad no matter how I struggle and strive I'll never get out of this world alive my fishing pole's broke, the creek is full of sand my woman ran away with another man no matter how I struggle and strive I'll never get out of this world alive.
All right, everybody, settle down.
And welcome.
We're here today to bring glory upon three newly-promoted executives at Omnicorp.
- To bestore-- - That's not a word, Marie.
To bestow? --Our gratitude.
- I got this.
- Yes sir.
And what better way to say "thank you" than with a brutal mean-spirited roast? - A roast? - Stan, I think you're up first.
One, Tim does not deserve this job; two, I think he will fail miserably.
That is all.
- That's not a joke.
- If this company were to hire an independent auditor, it would be revealed that Tim is overpaid and underqualified.
It is simply a fact-- not up for discussion.
"Tim is underqualified" is not a joke.
- There's no joke there.
- He is terrible.
He should be fired, all right? Structurally, there's no joke.
Just be a good sport, okay? It is a roast.
Guys, all joking aside, Tim is my best friend.
He's been there with me at the low points.
And it turns out they're bec- that I had so many low points.
He's a bad dude.
Oh, everyone enjoys a good roast.
Tim, how's it going? - Hey, you crazy son of a bitch.
- Pardon me? Oh hey.
You ready for the trip? I'm just practicing for this Minneapolis presentation.
Well, I gotta kind of stop you right there - Why would I not go? - People don't take you very seriously as a person.
- People respect me.
- No, they don't.
- That's the impression I get.
- But you only see things through your own small beady eyes.
I need somebody that people respect as an executive.
- Who? - Boing.
- Marty.
- You're sending Marty? Damn straight.
He's the safe bet.
No hard feelings.
I've been doing this a long time.
- Can I just say it? - What? This is gonna be ruthless, but on business trips he's a different guy.
He nails whores, he does coke and he pukes - and shits in his pants.
- Oh please.
Marty gets things done, Tim.
He may have a sensitive stomach and a bit of a blue streak and maybe he does have a penchant for Cinemax, but beyond that, he is a closer.
You could learn a lot from him.
I'm gonna put my foot down here.
Boss, I was promoted for a reason.
I'm a skilled executive.
Now let me do my job.
All right.
Marty, I'm gonna let the kid run with the ball.
- Tim, you're back in.
- Thank you.
Sorry, mart.
- You son of a bitch.
- You talkin' to me? You just cost me a business trip and I love business trips more than anything in my life, including my wife and two boys.
You love going to Minnesota and staying in a holiday inn - more than you love your children? - You passing judgment on me? A little bit.
The big guns from N.
Y.
City! Hello, boys.
This here is Tim-- our shining young prodigy at Omnicorp.
- Nice to meet you.
- Hey, have I met you before? I don't know.
I never get into weird situations, so-- Wait a second.
You're the pudding boy.
- Oh fuck.
- Ken.
I'm not.
I'm not.
Holy mackerel, you are! Man! Gentlemen, what is it we're talking about? - Look it up on YouTube.
- No, I heard-- - No, here it is.
Got it.
Check it out.
- Please.
With pudding this good, sometimes things can get a little messy.
Oopsie-doopsie.
I made a pudding whoopsie.
Oh, pudding boy, you filthy rascal.
Minnesota's finest old style pudding.
A family favorite since 1923.
Oopsie-doopsie.
Okay, fine fine.
- Wow.
- Oh, that's great.
I was in a regional pudding ad when I was 10 years old.
To be honest, I can't believe you even remember it.
It aired in Minnesota for years.
- It's a classic.
- Well, I'm not here to talk about that.
- It's funny, we had a laugh-- - Tim, say the line.
Come on, you gotta say the line.
- I'm not gonna say the line.
- If you run into tom cruise, he's gonna say, "You had me at hello.
" - Say the line.
- Come on, puddin' boy.
- Say it.
- Oopsie-doopsie.
I made a pudding whoopsie.
I can't believe we're seeing this.
Do the dance.
- I'm not doing the dance.
- Oh, do the dance.
- Boss, you gonna-- Come on.
- I'm not doing the dance.
- Do the fucking dance! Tim, I think the only way to get out of this might be if you dance.
Okay, fine, here's the dance.
- Good God.
- How's that? - This is unbelievable.
- Tickle him, Ken.
Tickle him.
- Don't tickle me.
- No one's tickling anyone.
I gotta tickle you a little bit.
65 years in business and I have never experienced such an unmitigated disaster.
What do you mean? That was great.
- We were schmoozing.
- That was not schmoozing.
- Social-- - No, that was not socializing.
He got me in a headlock and made me dance.
- It was great.
- It was some of the worst business behavior - I've ever seen ever.
- I beg to differ.
- What would you know? - All right, we just need to figure out our next play.
Tim, there's no next play.
The clients see you as a dribbling pudding-pusher.
I'm still doing the presentation, right? - I'm pulling you out.
- Because I did a pudding commercial.
You chose to do a pudding commercial over doing this presentation.
- You made your choice.
- I knew that thing would come back to haunt me.
Somebody else will be taking your place.
Gonna be fantastic.
- You're flying someone in.
- Oh yeah.
- Who? - You really need me to say it? - I love sitting in business class.
- Mm-hmm.
- I've got an m.
B.
A.
, you know.
- That's nice.
- Uh, so do I.
- No.
I don't think you got the kind of m.
B.
A.
That I got.
I'm talking about a Marty boner alert.
Are you kidding me? Nothing to worry about, everybody-- just a Marty boner alert.
I'm Marty by the way.
You filthy rascal.
How could you never have told me about this? - I was 10.
- It is adorable.
- I was 10.
Leave it be.
- I am sending it to my family immediately.
- Please don't.
Please don't.
- Come on.
- Hold on, hold on.
- What? - What's happening? - I'm getting under the table.
- Why are you getting under the table? - The clients are here.
- Okay.
- I don't want 'em to see me.
- They're gonna make me dance.
- Go do it.
I am a junior vice president at Omnicorp.
- You have to dance, Tim.
- I am not dancing.
March over there and do it.
All right, you know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna lay down the fuckin' law, show 'em the real Tim, the 25-year-old Tim.
- Do it.
- The grown man, right? - And maybe the dance too.
- I'll keep that in my back pocket.
- Ken and Jim.
- Oh hi.
Puddin' boy.
Oopsie-whoopsie.
Yeah, we said we were not gonna do that again today.
Yeah, you're right.
Look, uh, Tim, - from the bottom of my heart,- Sorry about the tickling, sorry about the dancing, sorry about shoving you.
I'm sorry we carried you around on our shoulders for so long.
You know, it went past the point where people do that and just ended gratuitous.
Just businessmen blowing off some steam.
But, I mean, we went up the elevator with you on our shoulders and then back down again and out into the parking lot.
- I feel embarrassed now.
- Yeah.
- Hey, you wanna join us? - Oh, yeah.
That'd be great.
Well, you must be quite the rising star over there, a guy your age representing Omnicorp? It's not about age.
It's about knowledge of the material.
- When it comes to new media-- Hello, Minneapolis.
Holy shit.
That guy's moonwalking right now.
I am hetero.
Hoo hoo hoo! - Jesus.
- This is a shameful display.
I might actually know that guy.
- You know the moonwalker? - No.
Hey fellas.
I'm Marty with Omnicorp.
- What an entrance.
- You should see my exit.
- What? - Anyway, I was just walking the guys through - the basic overview of-- - Yeah, listen guys, I gotta take a dump.
Tim, why don't you just come with me? - Marty.
- I gotta take a dump.
I didn't really need to take a dump.
That was a trick, Tim.
- Great trick.
- Sounds like you're really screwing up, man.
- I just started to turn this around.
- Yeah? - These guys like me.
- Then why was I put on an express flight out here? I don't know.
Why don't you go home? I'm here to show you how it's done.
I don't need-- Marty, I've seen you on business trips.
- Yeah? - It's all coke and hookers.
Yeah? Well, that's what business trips are and that's how 90% of the world's business transactions are made.
- 90%? I question that statistic.
- 90%.
How do you think Goldman met Sachs? On a bender in Rhode Island, snortin' coke off a burlesque dancer's butt.
- That is a fabricated story.
- Well-- Coke and burlesque dancers-- off their butt-- that is how it all-- coke is old.
It was going so well.
I really wish you hadn't shown up.
My home life may be shit, my boys may insult me every day and my wife may be clinically depressed, but I am the lord of the road.
Follow my lead, son.
- Are you trying to be inspirational? - Yes.
That is depressing as hell.
All right, where were we? New media? A round of Jagermeister, please.
Okay, great.
Four Jagermeisters.
- No no no.
- No.
- Jagermeister? - Yeah.
- Jagermeister?! - Please give us a minute.
Oh sure.
Oh my God.
Oh, you're pudding boy.
- How does everyone know this? - What's pudding boy? - You don't know this? - No sir.
Tim was in a pudding campaign as a kid - and he's famous around here.
- Oh my God.
- You haven't changed a bit.
- I have in so many ways.
- Oh no no no, no no.
- So grown up.
- You look the same.
- Holy shit.
- You're the first famous person I've ever met.
- Famous? - Do you know Brad Pitt? - Yes, he does.
- Oh my God.
- Marty, what are you doing? We need to milk this, show these clients a good time.
- Do you want to party with a celebrity? - Yeah.
Yeah.
Good.
Tim's got Robert Wagner in his speed-dial.
- Whoa.
- How do you know Robert Wagner? I hang out with a lot of older old-school Hollywood legends.
- Really? - From a commercial? Yep.
Call him, Tim.
I'm gonna call Robert Wagner? - Right now-- heart to heart.
- Call him.
All right.
I'm getting his voicemail.
Hey rob, it's Tim.
I heard you're in Minneapolis.
If you're still awake, even though you're 81 years old, why don't we meet up and party? I'm with some business guys.
- Oh my God.
- We'll have some Jagers and then go out.
- Do you want to go with us? - Oh-- oh yes.
- She doesn't.
She's working.
- I do.
Oh no no no no.
No, I get off in 20 minutes.
We're all gonna get off in 20 minutes.
Am I right, gentlemen? Ugh.
a motherfucker from the NYC - What are we doin'? - We're just letting Minneapolis know we've arrived.
Yeah, I live here.
All right.
- We're just honking at teenagers.
- Somebody get this guy a drink.
Keep laying on that horn, Tim.
Why do you want me to keep honking? I don't even get it.
- Yeah.
- Just honking? Yeah, beep beep.
Come on.
She likes the honking.
- Honk honk.
- I love it.
I'm not sure it's fun, but it sure is disrespectful.
Hey Tim, do you think you could swing by the hotel and drop us off? - Yeah, I apologize for this.
- It turned into a weird evening.
Oh no.
Oh fuck, pudding boy.
- Hide me.
- Shit.
I have an open container in my lap.
- Marty has a bag of cocaine.
- Tell them I'm 18.
I wouldn't survive in jail.
- Hey, you need the license-- - Sir! - Whoops.
No? - Sir, would you please step back into your vehicle? - Do you want to see the rental agreement? - Get back in your vehicle.
Do not make me.
Get back in the vehicle now.
Tim's getting in the vehicle.
Oh man, this is not good.
- Say the catchphrase.
- Say the-- what? - Yes, say it.
- What kind of bizarre advice is that? - I'm not saying the catchphrase.
- Sir? Sir.
- Hey, listen to me.
- Hey.
I'm gonna need you to stop whispering.
- Have you been drinking tonight? - Say it now.
- Do it.
- Everyone can hear you.
That's not whispering.
It'll work.
Hey, can I-- - Can I just say something in case it helps? - Say it quick.
Oopsie-doopsie.
I made a pudding whoopsie.
Did you just use a singsongy kind of rhyme - to tell me that you shit your pants? - What? who is shit-your-pants drunk.
I'm gonna need you to send a wagon, preferably one that'll be easy to hose out.
If you let me do the dance, I think this'll all go away.
I do not want you getting out with shit in your pants.
Please stay where you are.
I mean, does anyone-- does anyone know what "new media" even means? To illustrate my point, let me tell you about the time I was on a trip to Raleigh-Durham, by way of Akron-Canton.
And I was in a hot tub with two hookers.
He's clearly not sticking to the deck I prepared.
And we were just drinking some courvoisier and bubbles were shootin' up their cracks.
So in your opinion, this presentation's going well? - You like his performance? - Say what you will about Marty, but he's never been arrested for filling his slacks with poop.
No matter how I struggle and strive I'll never get out of this world alive.
Oh, quite a camp-out here.
- Whoa.
- Hey dudes.
- Hey.
- Hi.
Listen, we've got a lot of groceries here.
Do you mind? You guys walking up to us and bragging about how much groceries you have? "Look at me.
I got groceries.
" I'm not bragging.
I'm saying they're heavy.
- Oh, I see.
Yeah.
- We need to get inside.
- Do you mind? - Yeah yeah, Mr.
I've-got-so-much-food- it's-too-heavy- I-can't-carry-it.
Oh yeah, "I got food I gotta bring into my home.
" Look at this smug son of a bitch.
Um, can we just get by? Yeah yeah, sure.
Five dollars.
- Five dollars? - Excuse me? Toll.
Got a toll.
- Yeah.
- There's a toll to get into the building? - Toll booth.
- What? Guys, honestly, I can't afford it.
What am I seeing here? I'm seein' hot pockets, o.
J.
You give me the hot pockets and the o.
J.
, we'll call it even.
They're my two favorite things in the bag.
This is getting tedious.
Give us the whole bag.
We'll choose what we want and whatever we got left, you get back.
I'm gonna take control.
I'm gonna give you guys the food.
- Yeah.
- All right.
Everybody wins, everybody wins.
I can't believe you just did this.
- We're all having a nice day now.
- Macher.
I can't believe that you gave them hot pockets and orange juice.
- I-- Amy-- - Why did you do that? It was a panic-stricken decision.
Now you're encouraging them and they're never gonna leave.
Well, get used to 'em.
They seem like nice guys.
Knock knock.
- Knock knock knock.
- Oh wait.
Bashko, are you saying "knock knock knock" out there? It's me Bashko.
Whadduuuuuuup? That's dated.
Whadduuuuuuup? - Remember? - What's going on, Bashko? I ask the rude homelesses to leave.
- Oh, good job.
- Good.
- So they're gone? - No, absolutely not.
The opposite.
They follow me inside the building and now they're camping out in lobby.
- What? - Just for your knowledges.
- Are you drunk? - I may be, little.
You're not a great superintendent.
I'm not the worst.
Goodbyyyyyye.
Tim, we're moving out.
Normally, I'd have a snappy comeback, but I think you're right.
So yeah, the thing about us is just how how we value the concept of community.
Mm-hmm.
- Call me old-fashioned, but where have all the neighbors gone in this world? - Hmm.
- Oh, well said, Tim.
- Well, very-- - Can I say, Sharon-- - Sharon? It is Sharon, right? - It is.
- I went to school with a girl named Sharon.
- Really.
- Good lookin' lady.
- Oh.
- Gee, I-- - We usually go off and vote in private, but I think we're all comfortable with you becoming tenants, - so congratulations.
- Agree.
- Wow.
- We nailed it? - Thank you guys.
- I have to say you actually did really nail it.
- I was quite impressed.
- The only thing is we have this one privacy form - because we have a celebrity that lives in the building.
Mm-hmm.
That's a big form.
What's it say? It just says you won't tell anyone that he lives here and if you do, you're gonna be subject to legal action and quite possibly eviction.
- I think we're okay with that.
- We're okay with that? Where do we sign? - You were great.
- Thank you very much.
You should be that way all the ti.
- I am.
- You're not.
- That's my personality.
- Not even close.
- Smooth, relaxed and charming.
- Really, no.
We should have talked about that privacy thing.
I don't know how I feel about that.
This guy sounds like a serious egomaniac.
We don't even know who he is.
I don't wanna know.
I gotta say, I miss-- I miss Bashko.
Oh, you miss Bashko-- the sweaty Ukrainian superintendent who never bathes, always steals our mail and tried to spit on my mom's butt? The more you say, the more I miss him.
- Need a hand there, mate? - Oh no, I'm good.
Well, nice to meet you.
- What a dick.
- Who are you talking about? Our famous neighbor.
I just met him in the elevator.
No way.
Who is it? Who is it? - You ready? - Yes.
- Hugh Jackman.
- What?! Hugh Jackman lives in this building? - No way.
- He's trying to act all down-to-earth.
He says, "Hi, I'm Hugh.
" He is so hot.
Sexiest man alive.
He was voted "Sexiest man alive.
" - Who says, "Hi, I'm Hugh"? - Hugh Jackman.
Hugh hot-fucking Jackman.
Are you kidding me? Why are you so excited? I've never seen you like this.
- If he said hi to me, do you know what I would do? - Say hello? - I would rip my shirt off.
- You're just gonna get naked in the elevator? In front of him, yes.
You realize he's famous for playing a Wolverine.
That's basically a muskrat.
You're attracted to a half-man, half-muskrat.
Yeah, if they're named Hugh Jackman.
Hugh Jackman the muskrat? Any day.
Brooke, you smell nice.
This place is amazing, Amy.
Never acknowledges what I say.
She never acknowledges when I talk.
Thank you.
I could not be happier.
Hey, there he is, there he is.
- Thank God.
- Hey.
- You okay? - I just saw the biggest celebrity I have ever met in my life.
- He held the door open for me.
- Really? - You're never gonna guess who it is.
- Hugh Jackman.
Wait, how'd you-- does he live here? Okay, while we can't say whether he actually lives here - That means it's real.
- I can say there is a chance that he may or may not show up tonight at this party.
- Shit.
- Can't confirm or deny.
- Oh my God.
- I have so many questions about Australia.
Hate to be the buzzkill.
He's not gonna come.
- Why? - Why, Tim? - I sent him an invitation.
- I might have thrown it away.
- What? - What? I threw it in the garbage disposal and poured tomato sauce on it.
Do you have, like, a serious mental problem? - Not really.
- Why would you do that? Why would you do that to van Helsing, bro?! You know what? He's the sexiest man alive.
I think he'll get over it.
Fuck this, man.
I'm outta here.
Let's fuckin' walk, people.
- Let's get outta here.
- Yeah, we're out.
You're gonna leave the party because Hugh Jackman's not coming? This party is a full-tilt suck party now.
Buzzkill.
I am glad at least one of my neighbors isn't taken in by Hugh moron Jackman.
You-- you were on the invite list? Hi, I'm your neighbor Eddie.
Hey, I'm Tim.
This is Amy.
- Hey, you guys.
- Oh wait.
Are you Eddie the mattress guy? Bingo! That's right, I'm Big Eddie's mattresses.
- Thanks for coming.
- By the way, I've run into this moron Jackman! - You don't have to-- - What an idiot! You're talking a little loud, by the way.
It's part of my persona with selling the mattresses and I'll be darned if I can't get out of it.
- So I'm gonna go.
- Why, because someone's telling the truth about Hugh moron Jackson? Here's a boomerang.
Enjoy your little bitch session.
I'm off.
- Goodbye.
- Are you telling me you really feel this way?! Come on.
People tell me I get overexcited bout Jackman.
This has never happened to me.
Party got more and more awkward towards the end.
- There's my son.
- Your what? My son.
I think of you like my oldest son.
Why are you saying positive things to me? I just feel like-- I feel close to you and I think we should spend more time together.
Um, we could start with just hanging out, - just hanging out in your building.
- Rodney told you.
- That son of a bitch.
- What are you talking about? - It's a secret.
You can't tell anybody.
- I'm not gonna tell - that I will sue you.
- What I will sue you.
About? - I'll take you to court.
- You have my word.
I have to meet him.
He's my favorite, okay? I mean, this guy, he can sing and dance - and mc and host.
- Eh.
He appeals to men.
He appeals to women.
He's funny.
He's dramatic.
He's masculine.
He's tough.
He's kind.
He's sweet.
He's sensitive.
He has ridiculous pectoral muscles and a tiny waist.
And I wanna know when we're hanging out.
This is definitely in the top-five weird conversations I've had with you.
Hey Tim, Tim.
Don't disturb me.
I'm counting the envelopes.
Forget the mundane things.
You'll never believe what I just saw.
- Yeah? - Young lady carrying groceries, - not even struggling, and she's trying to - No way.
open the door up to the building.
- Yeah? - Guess who comes up behind her, and opens the door for her, and says, "Here, darling, let me help"? - You? - Not me.
Hugh Jackman.
Unless that was a play on words, then it was brilliant and hats off to you.
"Here, darling.
Let me help"? - What is that? - What is he? The most polite guy in the world? Oh, nobody-- nobody talks like that.
Unbeliev-- "Here, darling, let me help.
" Who is he? Fred Astaire? This guy's gotta be stopped.
Should we say something? Ah, u know, I don't know what to say.
I throw him horrific glances.
And I tell you, the day that guy moves out, I am gonna be singin', dancin', whistlin' and hummin'.
- You know what? - What? - Look me in the eye.
- Yes? This already feels tense.
One week from now, let's reconvene in this very spot.
If Hugh Jackman's still living here, I'd be shocked.
Wow.
This is intense.
You've never seen Tim in action.
This is what it looks like.
This is-- this is beautiful.
You're kinda like a wizard, a mundane wizard.
Look who's back.
Hey, look who it is.
- Hey.
- It's our old friend hot pockets.
Hot pockets.
H.
P.
, what's happening? How'd you guys like to make some money? Uh, make? No it's doing what you do every day, doing what you love.
- Shitting in foyers? - Pretty much.
- Not far from it.
- Hey.
I want you to harass someone at my new building.
- He's a celebrity.
- Who is it? I can't tell you who it is 'cause I signed a document.
He made you sign a document? This guy sounds like an asshole.
- He took my thumbprint.
- What? You don't have any more thumbprints? Listen, if you hang out in front of the building, you'll recognize him, I'm pretty sure.
Harass him.
Make him move.
Make his life miserable.
- We'll make that guy move.
- I love it.
We'll make him move faster than we made you move.
I'm a little embarrassed by that, to be honest.
What are your guys' names, by the way? I don't remember.
I go by "The Shadow.
" You can always tell if it's a celebrity by their shoes.
- Yeah.
- If they're wearing shoes, they're probably a celebrity.
That's true.
John Goodman has shoes.
Excuse me.
Taxpayer who isn't covered in filth coming through.
Come on, let me-- let me in.
- That's-- that's Big Eddie.
- Big Eddie.
Oh, you seen my commercials.
Congratulations on being sober for two seconds.
Every homeless person in this city knows who the mattress guy is.
Thank you very much.
Coming from you guys, that's great.
But since you don't have the money to buy one, why don't you shut up and get out of my way.
Here's a harmonica.
Well, I used to have a mattress until you took it and then you restored it and sold it.
- Yeah, that's what you do.
- You're stealing from the homeless.
- You owe me a futon.
- Come on.
I spent big money getting your hobo stench off of those mattresses.
You people must-- - You must design smells.
- "You people"? You're scum! Hey, let's kick his ass! Son of a bitch, stealing from homeless people.
Go play dominoes for 12 years in a park! Hey, you got Tim on the line here.
- Hot pockets? - H.
P.
! - Heya, hot pockets.
- Let us in.
We got your neighbor on the run.
We got him.
We got him running scared.
I love it.
I'm buzzing you in.
What have I done? Open up, Eddie.
Eddie.
Come on, open up.
We got nowhere else to be, man.
- We're homeless.
- Hey.
Guys.
- Whoa.
- It's Hugh-- - Hugh Jackman.
- Hugh Jackman.
Impressive body of work, sir.
Thank you.
It is an honor to meet Hugh Jackman fans.
Guys, what's going on here, more importantly? This fucking bastard in here, he's a mattress thief.
- Yeah.
- And we got a score to settle.
Guys, listen to me.
If you do this, you're gonna get arrested.
Now I was just on my way out to grab some pancakes for dinner.
That's what we're gonna do right now.
We're not gonna get arrested.
We're gonna go eat pancakes on Hugh Jackman's dime.
- Pancakes for dinner.
- That's really nice of you.
You're a hell of a guy, Jackman.
I appreciate that.
- Hey pal.
- No.
- Please no.
- Eddie, it's me.
- Ahh.
- It's your buddy Tim.
Oh hey, Tim.
Boy, is it good to see a friend in these circumstances.
- I got great news.
- Lay it on me, my friend.
I think I took care of our unwanted neighbor.
You did? Oh no way.
- My little army of homeless people-- - Hold it.
You were responsible for those filthy hobos? With all due respect, nobody calls them hobos anymore.
How about shit-covered zombies? Hobos is fine.
Hobos is fine.
It figures trash like you would know people like that.
- You're mad? - What do you mean, am I mad? - It's good news, it's good news.
- No, it's not good news.
I live in this building because I want privacy and I want to be associated with classy motherfuckers! - I'm a classy motherfucker.
- No you're not! Go sort through your mail, asshole.
Hmm.
Short-lived friendship.
I just wanna say how happy we are in this building - and just-- - Home sweet home.
I'm sorry, but Amy and Tim, we are going to have to evict you.
- Wait, what? - What? - No.
- Why? Because you broke the confidentiality agreement.
No, we didn't tell anyone that Hugh Jackman lives here.
- He doesn't.
- He doesn't? He is just subletting for a few months while filming a movie.
Big Eddie is the celebrity.
- The mattress guy? - Uh, the mattress king.
He's the #1 bedding retailer in the tri-state area.
Okay, but regardless, what does that have to do with us? You know what? Let's not dwell on it.
Let's have a fun eviction.
We had a great weekend here.
Good living with you.
- Home sweet home.
- Just shut up.
All right.
- You're letting in the heat.
- Oh boy.
- Hey! - Look at this guy, eh? - Come on in.
- No no no.
What are you doing here? A little bit of this, little bit of that.
We figured since we did Tim that favor, you guys wouldn't mind if we crashed here for a few days.
Favor? These guys did a favor for you? They weren't supposed to talk about it.
Guys, I'm a little disappointed in you.
Especially you, the shadow.
It's our first fight.
I bet a nickel I could tell you if it was heads or tails I'm not gonna worry wrinkles in my brow 'cause nothing's ever gonna be all right no how no matter how I struggle and strive I'll never get out of this world alive