The Marriage Ref (2010) s02e10 Episode Script

Bill Maher, Patti LaBelle, Ali Wentworth

Waiting for their soul mate now, right? "I'm waiting for my soul--" it doesn't exist.
No, no.
Find someone you can tolerate.
How about that? Right? Just settle.
Settle.
Find someone you can sleep next to without throwing up And marry them.
- Tonight on the all-new and all-improved The Marriage Ref, Everyone's favorite correspondent From the Oprah Winfrey show, Ali Wentworth.
- That's a horse of a different color.
- The shining stars of Fishers, Indiana, Joe and Ranita Robinson.
- What is that? - What is what? - She has caramel sauce in her hair.
- The host of HBO's real time with Bill Maher, Bill Maher.
Tonight, you're the hooker and I'm Charlie Sheen.
From Atlanta, Georgia the irrepressible Dipak Rath and Sucheta Rawal My dream is to see the whole World.
- Without me.
- She's one of the most respected And admired singers in the world-- The one and only Patti LaBelle.
- This man is pitiful.
She needs to kick his ass.
- And from Millville, New Jersey, The enchanting Anton and Bobbi Kukal.
- Life is not always about money.
- No, but it sure helps, doesn't it? - It--it does.
- Now, please welcome your host, America's comedy sweetheart, Tom Papa.
- Thank you.
Thank you.
Welcome to The Marriage Ref.
I'm Tom Papa.
You know, there's an old adage that says If you have a disagreement with your spouse, The best thing to do Is let a panel of celebrities solve it.
In fact, they should make All your important personal decisions.
They just know more than the rest of us.
And, luckily, we have some right here.
Say hello to our celebrities, everybody.
[cheers and applause] Thank you for being here, guys.
You guys look great.
Thank you very much.
Now, uh, Ali - Yes.
- For people who may not know, You are married to George Stephanopoulos.
Yes, great man.
Love him.
How long have you guys been married? - We just celebrated nine years of wedded bliss.
- Wow.
- Yeah.
Every day is Christmas.
- It's just magical.
- It is.
It's magical.
- And how about you, Patti? You're no longer married.
- I was married for 32 years.
- For 32 years.
- To the same man.
We're best friends now.
Been divorced now for about 13 years.
- Wow.
- And I'm just happy.
[laughter] No, I'm very happy, because we're very, very close.
We're best friends.
- Right.
- You're happy 'cause you got all the jewelry.
- I got all the bling-bling.
- Wow, that is a lot.
- Oh, thank you.
- And, Bill, how long have you been married? - Ah, what am I doing on this show? I never got my toe caught in the trap, Tom.
- Never.
And do you see yourself ever getting married? - Well, you know, maybe, you know.
I mean, I'm not anti-marriage.
People say that.
You said it to me backstage.
- I said-- I yelled it at you.
I went, "you're anti-marriage!" - She did.
- No, look, marriage works For a certain type of person.
- Right.
- A woman.
No.
Uh, it does, And, you know, so far, not for me, But, yeah, I mean, I think every decade you're a new person, And, you know - It could happen.
- It could happen.
- Especially with someone who's newly single - Oh.
I don't know if I'm Bill's type.
Am I? - You are, Especially if that jewelry comes with you.
[laughter] - All right, let's get down to show business.
What's gonna happen here Is you're gonna watch some couples argue, And then you guys are gonna decide who is right, The husband or the wife.
Then at the end of the show, Our studio audience is gonna vote On which of tonight's three winners Is the rightest of the right, And that person's gonna win $25,000 And their own billboard in their hometown Declaring they are right.
- Oh, good.
- That's very good.
- Yeah, it's a good one.
All right, so let's meet our first couple.
From Atlanta, Georgia, It's Sucheta Rawal and Dipak Rath.
[applause] - It was 1998, and I went to this online dating site And look for Indian girl in Atlanta, And only one showed up, So made it very easy for me.
- You know, he was good-looking, Responsible, and very polite.
- She's beautiful inside and outside, And she was a great cook from get-go.
- I have a dream, And my dream is to see the whole world in this lifetime.
- All the countries in the world in her lifetime.
- If I go to seven countries eachear, It'll take me about 30 years.
- Seven countries in one year Without me.
- He's working all the time.
He's always busy.
- Somebody's got to bring bacon back home.
- Always work coming up for you.
You are a workaholic.
- All right, let's, uh, switch roles starting tomorrow.
- Sure.
I'll do it, if that's your dream.
- It's my dream to see the world too.
- It wasn't till it became mine.
- Could you not just minimize your dream And include me? - No, I don't want to.
A lot of women these days travel alone.
Russia - Haven't been there.
- Iceland - I hear it's beautiful.
- Sweden - Didn't make it.
- Dubai - I didn't even know That country existed.
- Finland and Estonia-- that was one trip.
- Finland? - Of course.
- I didn't know you went to f inland.
- Mm-hmm.
- Why--why is my name there? It should read "the world travels of Sucheta.
" Strike off my name.
- Mm-hmm.
If I wait for him, I will be old, and I will die.
- I'm just not buying it.
When she was in Italy, she sent me all these photos-- All romantic setting, in front of a fountain, And she's riding on a gondola in Venice.
- It was so beautiful and so romantic.
- I wasn't there, so I don't see how that can be romantic.
- Hi, Dipak.
This is me in the middle of the Sahara desert.
- You know where I was? Working.
- We came here to see the sunset, And then we camped in the-- under the stars In these very romantic little tents.
It was very romantic.
- There's something missing Like the husband.
If you go to fewer countries, Maybe there's a possibility for both of us to go, you know? - Here are some dates.
Enjoy.
- Oh, that should do it.
That's it.
I should stop complaining.
You got me dates.
How cute--Moroccan dates.
- No, I'll make you some couscous too.
[cheers and applause] - So the issue here is, Is it okay to turn your husband into a house sitter? [laughs] what do you think, Bill? If you were married to someone that was traveling this much, Would that work out for you? - I just think travel, It's where you see new things, Experience new things.
Of all the things you do, If you don't want to do that with your significant other, Then they're not very significant.
- Ooh! - That's a very important That's what I think.
- Right.
[applause] But--but she does say she wants to do it with him.
She pays for her own things, And she wants him to come along, but he wants to work.
- Someone has to bring home bacon.
[laughter] - You need a lot of bacon.
- She's selfish.
She's selfish.
- Selfish? - Yeah.
She's not thinking about his happiness.
How you gonna send a man a picture of you having a fun-- Fun time on a gondola, okay? - Exactly.
- You're by your-freakin'-self.
He's there looking at this.
- This one bothers me too, 'cause you know someone's taking that picture.
- Right.
- Right? Who? Who? - Who? That is the question--who? - Some Italian guy with a camera like, "tell me all about your boring husband in Georgia.
Must be hard to be there.
" - I totally disagree.
I think she's got-- - What? - I think she has it all figured out.
- She's doing her thing.
- Yeah.
- Beca--why? - It's a perfect situation.
He works and makes all the money, And you get to go "live your dream.
" - I would actually appreciate it If my wife came home with stories about Finland Than something that happened at the P.
T.
A.
- That makes sense.
- I agree.
- It does add something to it.
- By the way, I can't wait to go home tonight And tell my husband, you know, my dream.
- What is it? - Well, I would like to have a diamond From every major city in the world.
Diamonds, like her.
- They're all hanging on her right hand.
- Yeah.
- But I think travel is good together, But I think it's good separate.
My--my husband is going to the Middle East tomorrow.
[fakes crying] whoo-hoo! - Now [laughter] Right, there is that mix.
- Yeah, "I'll miss you so much.
" TV, ice cream.
- I just feel sorry for him.
- Because he is saying that he's lonely.
- Because he's bringing home everything, And she's going everywhere.
- Right.
- And I think it's not cute, okay? He can't afford to go now.
Somebody got to pay for their stuff, Even her little trips.
I know she's getting his money.
Don't even try it, miss thing.
- She might be putting all her money towards the trip.
We don't know.
- I have no clue.
When I meet them, I'll know.
[laughter] okay? - Oh, Patti, guess what.
I don't think she's gonna come out now.
- She better come out, Or I'll go back there and pimp-slap her.
[laughter and applause] She better come out.
Yeah.
Next.
- Let's just take a look at her again on the camel.
This might support what you were saying.
- We came here to see the sunset, And then we camped in the-- under the stars In these very romantic little tents.
- Who's "we"? [laughter and applause] Who's "we"? - If I'm the husband, I'm hoping it's the camel.
- Well, when you travel alone, you meet "friends," The same way when you guys get lots of ones And you go out at night with your friends.
- Let's be honest, when women travel, They have a completely different - Yes.
- Set of standards - Yes.
- And morals.
- Yes.
- They do.
- What are you talking about? - Oh, come on.
When women are, like, on vacation - We don't travel topless.
- They purposely go to places Where the men don't speak English - Uh-huh.
- So that they have an affair, And then it's like, "well, it doesn't count.
" - 'cause nobody's talking.
- "he doesn't speak English.
I was out of the country.
" - How is that any different from what you guys do? - We go--we-- wait, wait, wait.
We go to museums [laughter] Take guided tours.
All right, well, good news.
Dipak and Sucheta have actually taken a trip together, And they'll be right here in our studio after this.
- Coming up next The Marriage Ref This husband thinks he's got it in the bag Until his wife drops a bombshell.
- Whoa! Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
- Will it be enough to sway the panel? - What were you teaching on that gondolier? - Find out next on The Marriage Ref.
- Welcome back to The Marriage Ref.
Now I'd like to introduce a married couple Involved in a long-distance relationship.
A big round of applause For Dipak Rath and Sucheta Rawal, everybody.
[cheers and applause] Thanks for coming, guys.
Good to see you.
- Thank you for having us.
- I have to ask, one plane or two? - Two.
- Two.
- Two? - Yes.
- You came here in two planes? - Yes.
- Actually, three-- I had a connection.
- You honestly didn't travel together? - No.
- Really? Why? Where were you? - He was in Montreal working, and I was back home in Atlanta.
- Oh, you were at home? Poor thing.
- Yes, I am home most of the time.
- He left you at home while he was in Montreal? - Does she work at home? Do you work? - I work from home most of the time.
- Oh, you do? - Yes.
- Oh, that gives me more love for you.
- Oh, thank you.
- What do you do at home? - I'm a contractor, and I consult.
- You better work it, girl.
Okay, I didn't know.
I love your outfit.
Finish, Tom.
- Thank you.
- Thanks, Patti.
- First of all, I want you guys to know That I've always invited Dipak to go on vacations with me.
- Okay, that's good for me to know.
- But he's working all the time, and he doesn't-- - To pay for the vacations.
- Well, he gets five weeks off.
But I've invited him to come.
- She's invited you? - He doesn't go.
- Why don't you go? - I would love to go.
But she's come up with this dream Which is just unrealistic.
I want her to wake up, come out of her unrealistic dream, Form a real dream, where I can be part of it.
[cheers and applause] - Well, okay - Yippee! You better work.
- If I may say something You guys are here because you dreamt big At one point in your life.
- So you're dreaming big.
- I'm dreaming big.
It's also because I enjoy learning About different people and cultures, And I write about my travels.
I teach international cooking classes.
- Oh, you do? - So I come back with so much good information.
- What were you teaching on that gondolier? [laughter] - I think it's important to find out Why you don't go.
Why don't you go? - I live in the real world Where I have a job, and And, you know, we've got bills to pay, And there are responsibilities and so on and so forth.
- And sometimes, I got to say, Being on vacation is not always relaxing.
- Right.
- Sometimes it's, you know, Trying to cut an orange with a can opener At 2:00 in the morning, 'cause you just don't have everything.
You know, I mean, that is travel, So I can understand if he works hard, Sometimes you just want to sit in your underwear And watch the game.
- Right.
- Well, that's fine.
- And not try and do-- - He should just let me live my dream, If that's my dream to see the world.
- When you come home from a trip, Is the lovemaking hot and spicy Like your fabulous cooking? - He's never there when I come home.
- Oh.
- What do you mean? Why? Why? - Because he travels for work, So he's gone Monday through Friday anyways.
- Oh, you're gone all the time, traveling for work? - Whoa! Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
- Oh, well, well, well.
- That's a horse of a different color.
- So you're gone all the time.
- He's gone.
- It's the comedian thing.
You don't want to go travel.
- What do you do? - I'm a consultant.
I'm on the road, yes, And in this last six months, I've been on the road.
- So what am I supposed to do, you know? I work from home.
I'm home alone all week.
And if I make any vacation plans, He's gonna cancel it anyway, So I would never be able to go anywhere.
- Can I ask you what you were doing When you were volunteering in Russia? - I was teaching English.
- Yeah, pretty good.
- That's called a work trip.
- All right.
Well, I think we're coming down to it.
I mean, what we have here is you've seen a lot of countries That you have not seen, But you've seen a lot of conference rooms That she hasn't seen.
So it's not gonna be easy, But I think it's time to make the call, And I'm going to start with Patti LaBelle.
Dipak or Sucheta.
- Dipak, I was with you.
- Right.
- But now I hear all the wonderful things That she's doing on these trips.
She's not being a selfish woman.
She's being a helpful woman to other people.
And so I see her in a different light now.
Girlfriend, I like you.
- Thank you.
- You got my vote.
- Ah, one for Sucheta.
Bill? - I think Dipak should di-pack his bags - Oh! - And go on a trip or two.
But I'm basically with him.
- Going for Dipak.
- No.
- Absolutely.
- Interesting.
So it's all up to Ali.
- Ali.
- Sweetie.
- Who is right, Dipak or Sucheta? - She's my girl.
I completely - Thank you.
- Sucheta.
- Yes.
- Come on.
- I--everything about her.
- Everything about her.
Congratulations.
They decided that you were right.
- Thank you.
Thank you so much.
And you may be the winner of $25,000 And your own billboard.
A big round of applause For Dipak and Sucheta, everybody.
- Thank you.
- Now let's meet our next couple.
From Fishers, Indiana, it's the Robinsons.
- We met in speech class back in 1994.
- It was '96.
- '96, oh, yeah.
- Very nice.
- Okay.
The second day of class, I tripped and fell down the stairs.
My friend took me to the hospital, And when we got back, There were flowers on my front door, And they were from him.
- She had it going on, And, what, 9 1/2 years later, we are married with two kids.
Ranita is very strict with our daughter When it comes to her appearance.
- I'm by no means a perfectionist, But when it comes to my kids, there are standards.
- I'm not like that.
I want Naomi to really express herself And kind of stand out in the crowd.
- Honey, are you serious? You can't wear your hair like this.
What is this? We don't have time.
Her bus is gonna be here.
Did you even attempt to do it? - It adds to the flair.
- Really? - We wear it like that 'cause it's awesome-looking.
Ranita has issues with Naomi's hair-- The way I present Naomi's hair.
- He actually thinks that her hair looks nice like that.
- I want to let her grow, Let her just be who she is.
- Joe is bald.
Bald.
You can't send her to school looking a hot mess.
- Hot mess? She looks cool.
- Naomi's hair is like a bird's nest.
Honey, your hair is in the way.
- You can find anything in that.
- Hold on.
Hold on, hold on, hold on.
We got some tape going on here.
- She's got lint all in it.
He is the parent, and he needs to be responsible And make her look presentable.
What is that? - What is what? - She has caramel sauce in her hair.
- I did not sign up - Yes, you did.
- To be a hair stylist.
- You married me, you signed up for it.
Get some grease.
- Oh, whoa, whoa - She has part of me in her, okay? She can't just let her hair go.
He just doesn't know what to do with it.
He thinks the grease is gross.
But black people need grease.
- She is a free-spirited individual, And she likes to express herself.
- She's five years old.
- She is proud of who she is.
- Joe has brainwashed Naomi.
- She doesn't need to hide behind four pigtails.
- I love Joe, but something's got to change.
- You should try your hair all crazy and wild sometime.
- You think I want to look like that? - Well, you should give it a shot.
- Are you kidding me? [applause] - So the issue here is, Should you be expected to braid your daughter's hair When you're a bald, white man? - Listen, that baby has nappy hair.
- Right.
- Okay? There's a thing about nappy hair.
Did you see all that little hair Left in the comb after the mother combed it? - A lot.
It looked - She had stuff stuck in her hair From weeks or years ago.
That kid needs some clean hair.
The father is wrong.
The mother is on point, okay? Give it up.
Give it up.
- What do you think, Bill? You think it's a father's - I don't know why we can't let the girl Wear the hair natural like that.
- You never had black hair.
Okay? - Uh, I've had it on my pillow.
- Okay, that's Oh.
Oh! [cheers and applause] So I am your type.
Tom, I'm his type.
- You are.
[laughs] - I am your type.
- She is your type.
- You're everybody's type.
- Thank you, baby, but listen.
I believe in the wife, okay? The kid needs clean hair, okay? It can be nappy when it's braided, But part that stuff and find out who's living in there.
- Right.
- To be fair, I think I know Where Joe's getting his inspiration.
- Okay.
Oh.
- Patti LaBelle, ladies and gentlemen.
- Oh, my goodness.
Yeah.
Okay, my friend Norma Gordon stuck that hot comb on my hair And burned the fool out of me to get me that look, But that was nappy before she touched it with the hot comb.
- It was.
It took a lot of work.
- Oh, yeah.
- It takes-- - So it's not easy being a black girl with hair, Nappy hair.
- Yeah, but, Patti, you were going for a specific look.
I would think that that-- - You think I wasn't? Girlfriend, I been going for a specific look For 45, 50 years, okay? - You've had a lot of looks.
- That is a specific look Called the guard at Buckingham palace.
- Call it what you want.
It could be that, or it could be the chicken holder.
I used to put chicken in the top of that, okay? [laughter] - What about the dad role in this? - I would never let my husband even dress my kids, Because they would go to school Looking like hookers with snow boots in the summer.
So--let alone do their hair.
I mean, frankly, I wasn't bathed much as a child, And I don't remember anybody actually doing my hair, But when I look at this couple, I think that daughter is adorable with that crazy hair.
- She is.
- So I-I think he's the rightest.
- The rightest? Wow, you're going all the way to the end of the show.
- Yeah.
- [laughs] - Thank--thanks a lot, everybody.
- All right, we're gonna meet the Robinsons Right here in our studio As soon as they get out of hair and makeup-- Mostly hair.
We'll be right back.
[cheers and applause] - Welcome back to The Marriage Ref.
And now here they are, Direct from Indiana, The perfectly coiffed Robinsons, everybody.
Welcome.
Thanks for being here.
- Thank you.
- Thanks for having us.
- You guys look great.
- So the reason we're here is to talk about Naomi's hair.
Isn't it crazy? There is no way that he should send her to school Looking like that.
- I love Naomi's hair like that.
- Her hair looks like a mop.
- I-I love it.
No, no, no, you got to show your individuality.
Have it big.
- She is gonna get teased by children at school.
That is ridiculous.
There is no way.
- Naomi looks cute no matter what she's wearing.
- But her hair needs to be tamed, Don't you think? - Why? - Because it looks like a mop.
- Thank you, thank you.
The baby's hair needs to be tamed.
That's all I'm saying.
The baby's a black baby.
Well, she's mixed.
- Yes.
- So you should have known When you signed up to be with girlfriend That girlfriend would probably produce babies with nappy hair.
- That's right, and she needs grease-- - But she's asking a white man to do her hair.
- Thank you.
Thank you.
- What's the weirdest thing you ever found in there? - I found lint.
I found caramel sauce.
I found jelly-- I mean, anything she eats.
- Car keys.
Like, "where are my keys?" - Well, 'cause she's learned that from her eating habits.
- There's been tape-- I mean, anything, you name it.
- Are we not shampooing before we do the hair? Maybe there's a hygiene issue.
- No, no, no.
- Oh, no, there's a hygiene issue When he gets her ready.
I mean, you don't put lotion on her.
Her elbows are ashy.
- Okay, okay, okay.
- He's so white.
[laughter] - I have to get ready for work while I have to get her ready.
It's just not enough time to put grease and all this stuff.
I mean, first of all - That's the operative word, "grease"-- For the elbows too.
- Elbows.
- You know what I have on my legs now? Vaseline grease, okay? Because I have ashy knees.
- Mm-hmm.
- So you put it on there.
Under this wig, I have grease on my own freakin' hair.
I have cornrows under here, okay? Get that baby right.
- When she handed [cheers and applause] - I also think it is very important, Her being a little girl, That she knows how to grow up, look presentable, And do her hair.
- She already is-- - We need to be role models for her.
- She already is smart in school, okay? She--she has my personality, okay? - Yeah.
She certainly doesn't have your hair.
- She doesn't need my hair, 'cause collectively that's what we got for her -- This big, poofy hair.
I'm not saying it has to be all crazy, But I want Naomi to get discovered, And for her to do that, she has to stand out.
- Does everyone in America have to be in show business? Doesn't anyone want to be a teacher, a doctor I mean, really? - That's right.
Exactly.
Yeah, I mean, it looks awesome.
- He wants her to be discovered.
I got you.
I got you.
- Okay, Joe, I have to say something.
I supported you, And I think for somebody Who wants to have a child in show business, Um, don't you watch those documentaries about pageants? You've got to do her hair and her makeup.
You got to frill her out and put on high stiletto heels.
- She need to learn to do those things.
- She'll have makeup people do all that.
- Oh, she's got to get discovered first.
- Look what the did for me.
I mean, I look good just because of the makeup people.
- All right, I think we're ready to make the call here.
Let's make the final call.
Who's right, and who's wrong-- Ranita or Joe? I'm gonna start with you, Bill.
- Well, I'm gonna vote for Ranita, Because I don't like getting a kid into show business At the age of two.
- All right.
That's good.
One for Ranita.
- What do you think, Patti? - I've been in show business for 50 years, And I believe in show business.
That's why I wore my hair that way, So people could notice me and give me a better break, Because I'm not one of those Madonna girls or anybody, So I have to work harder - Stand out.
- Because I'm a black woman.
Okay? So let's be real.
The baby could be cool With washed, beautiful, big hair to be discovered, So I go with Joe.
I want you to change your attitude - Whoa! - Because it's so hard to get in show business For a black child who has a white father.
- From Indiana.
- Listen.
Listen, be quiet.
- How you gonna get discovered outside of that? - Why do you have to get discovered? I don't understand.
- Because, Bill, it's hard out there for a pimp.
- It is.
- Okay? That's what I'm saying.
- Okay, Joe, I have to say something.
I supported you very early on when I was thinking like, "this poor guy-- how is he supposed to know How to do this hair?" But now that you want your daughter to be a star, I'm with you, honey.
- Oh.
- Congratulations.
You win.
- Thank you.
- You're right.
And you might be the winner of $25,000 And your own billboard.
- Yes.
- So stick around for that.
A big round of applause for the Robinsons, everybody.
All right, we have to take a break.
Stay right there.
- Coming up, Bill Maher gets politically incorrect.
- Tonight you're the hooker, and I'm Charlie sheen.
- And Patti has a Dr.
Phil moment.
- She needs to whup that ass.
- Will everyone kiss and make up? Come back and find out on The Marriage Ref.
- All right, welcome back.
Let's meet our final couple.
All the way from Millville, New Jersey, Anton and Bobbi Kukal.
- On our first date, he took me to the beach, And he told me he'd written a musical in his head, And he was just so creative, So immensely creative and sweet.
- I love you because you think that.
- [laughing] - I consider myself an artist.
I've always loved writing.
I've always loved drama and theater.
In 1995, I started Mystic Realms.
We teach theatric skills with live-action role-playing-- Getting in costume, experiencing a world With sword and sorcery and magic, As if it was real.
[all shouting] We got the cult of Shivakis right through the Dark Forest-- Butchers of women and children! - Oh, no.
- Let's go! - He started Mystic Realms about 15 years ago.
- There it is.
- But he doesn't make any money.
- My wife was supportive of it eight years ago.
She was less supportive of it four years ago, And now she'd really like me to go out and get myself a job.
When we started dating, I was involved in this project.
- When we started dating, you were in law school too.
- Before Mystic Realms, I was an attorney.
- During that time, He still worked on Mystic Realms as a business, But it wasn't full-time.
I mean, he was a lawyer.
- This is a passion of mine.
You know, this is my dream.
[harp playing] And it's the dream of not just myself, But of many people who participate in Mystic Realms.
- Good job! - I'm a teacher, And teachers don't make a lot of money.
- Mystic Realms has become my calling.
It is--it is really the opus of my life.
- You got to be kidding me.
Like, really? - She wants a financial contribution.
I'm building a dream.
Life is not always about money.
- No, but it sure helps, doesn't it? - It--it does.
I don't think that I'm so crazy To want to go out there and pursue this dream That we call Mystic Realms.
- He is the hardest-working man I know who doesn't have a job.
- [grunts] [applause] - So the issue here is, If you have to pay real bills, How long are you allowed to work in the land of make-believe? Bill, what do you think? - Oh, I can't wait to go off on this guy.
Get him out here right now.
I mean, first of all, you know, This is what's wrong with this country.
This is why this country-- this guy in particular-- In the horrible hole we're in.
People do not want to grow up, And I also hate this overused word--"passion.
" This guy has a passion For basically being nine years old And living in a fort in the woods.
[laughter and applause] - So you think what he's doing is good? [laughter] What do you think, Ali? - On the one hand, I understand his passion, Because I know that there are times In my marriage when, you know, We're maybe struggling with adoration, And there's kind of a dry sexual period, But when he No, but seriously, But when he puts on a sorcerer cape And he bejewels his face and has a wand, It's--it's a nice pickup in the bedroom.
No, I, um - Mystical.
- I, uh--I'm with Bill.
I got to say "freak," And, uh, I-I don't think the woman Should be teaching "real children" school While he's, you know, [shouts] King Arthur's Whatever the hell he's doing.
- This man is pitiful.
She needs to kick his ass.
- I agree.
Yes.
- He makes no freakin' money.
- Right.
- This is a 15-year journey.
- Uh-huh.
- Baby boy, if you didn't get it after the second year, Go--go back with the lady.
Try to get a real job.
Go back to that lawyer firm.
- Will this change your opinion at all, That Bobbi and Anton met At a live-action role-playing game? - Oh, really? - That's how they met.
- Oh, so she plays? - She was dressed up Like one of those squirrel people or something.
- Oh, no, she wasn't.
- Yeah, when they met.
- So, fine, save that for the bedroom, Like you said you do role-playing.
- Yeah, save it for the bedroom.
- Right.
- Tonight you're hooker, and I'm Charlie Sheen.
Like, whatever, you know [cheers and applause] - No, you didn't.
- But this is, you know - Patti.
Patti.
It's actually a fun game.
Try it.
- Oh, okay, I'll listen to you.
- I'm always Charlie Sheen.
[laughter] - It's the more fun role.
- I have to say, she needs to whup that ass.
- Really? - Can I say "ass"? - What about--you can say "ass.
" yeah, you can say "ass.
" - Whup it.
I don't have time to play with these kids-- No time to play with Mystic Realms.
- You can say "ass"? - Can you say "ass"? - I said it.
A-s-s.
- Well, get this [bleep] out here.
[cheers and applause] What? I-- - I love you! - All right, we're gonna do just that.
In a moment, we will all be transported to a Mystic Realm With Anton and Bobbi Kukal.
We'll be right back.
[cheers and applause] - Welcome back to The Marriage Ref.
Please welcome the very mystical Anton and Bobbi Kukal.
[cheers and applause] Oh, good to see you, Bobbi.
Nice to see you, Anton.
All right, now, this is opus of your life.
This is very, very meaningful to you, this thing - Yes, it is.
- This Mystic Realms.
- That's right.
Mystic Realms is, uh-- you saw the footage? - I did.
- Interactive drama, Where people come together in this community, And they learn acting.
Sometimes it's the first time These people are exposed to these kind of theatric arts-- The acting and drama - Right.
- And prop making and costume making And sword fighting and all those things.
- What do you call it, Bobbi? - I-I don't call it the opus of his life.
I mean, I just think the opus of our life, You know, for me, is my kids.
It's not - Oh, you have kids? - We have kids, yes.
- How old are they? - They're eight, six, and three.
- Wow.
- We have three kids.
- Do they partake? - Well, actually you have four kids.
You have one right next to you.
- Oh, no.
- I have - I think I'm starting to see how this is going to be.
Yes, our children do participate.
- They do.
- As they should, Because they're children.
- There's--there's really-- There's so much more to it, though, Than what that clip showed.
I mean, it's not just-- He spends a lot of time and effort, And he's very creative, and he writes.
He writes all the time.
And I just think that there has to be-- I mean, he's giving so much of himself to these people.
- People around you is, like, 20 people? How many? - It looked like more than that.
- We have 300 active members.
- 300 members.
- I only saw, like, 20 or 30, But I saw that your heart was in it, And you're such a giving man, And your wife is so understanding, But she wants you to be a lawyer.
- Well, I want him to do-- I want him to do something that makes him happy, But I want something to come back.
- We all have hobbies.
We don't make them our livelihood.
That's why they're called hobbies.
They're things you do in your spare time for fun.
- I think-- - He has followers.
You might want to turn it into a religion.
- I think I think we're misunderstanding here.
Um, what I'm doing is, I'm sharing my dream with other people So that they can actually go and live out their dreams.
Have you ever wanted to be a hero? I think everyone here has wanted, I mean, to be someone, Do something heroic, And that's what these people do.
Every time they come to a Mystic Realms event, It's good versus evil, where good can win.
- That's playing heroic.
Heroic is a fireman actually rushing into a building.
- Absolutely, but-- - This is just playing in the woods.
I mean, and, you know, dude, You don't have to tell me about arrested development.
I was hanging out in nightclubs till I was 49.
So I'm not judging, But at least my development got arrested in adulthood, You know.
- Okay, I don't see that.
- Is it too much to ask That the two guys come in the middle and duel? - This is just too much, okay? - This is - This is--no.
Bill - Do it.
Take it, baby.
- I'm not trying to take it.
I'm trying to make it for him.
It's too much, boo.
You need to simmer down now, okay? For real, because you're so good as a lawyer.
I know you are.
[laughter] - Uh-oh.
- Oh - Patti LaBelle.
[cheers and applause] [cheers and applause continue] - Oh.
Ah.
- All right.
I think you made your case.
And I also appreciate you, because Because of you, I got to kiss Patti LaBelle.
So what we're going to do now is make the final call, And I'm gonna start with Patti LaBelle.
Who is right, Anton or Bobbi? - Bobbi.
- Bobbi.
- I--yeah - Got to go with Bobbi.
- Because Anton has this dream.
It's almost impossible, baby.
It's hard out here for Patti LaBelle, So I know you trying to wear costumes and stuff and do you.
It's not working.
- All right.
Ali? - Me? - Yes.
- Well, first, let me just ask, Do your characters, like, put curses and stuff on people? - No? Okay, Bobbi.
- Say yes, Anton.
Anton, say yes.
- I got to side with Bobbi.
- Going with Bobbi.
All right, and, Bill? - Yes, I think this has been an intervention-- I do-- more than anything else.
- All right, our panel has spoken.
Congratulations, Bobbi.
You win.
You might be the winner of $25,000 And your very own billboard.
A big round of applause for both the Kukals, everybody.
[cheers and applause] All right, we're gonna find out who's the rightest When we come back.
Stay right there.
- Coming up, it's a battle royale Of epic proportions.
- All right, audience, the time has come.
Please vote now.
- Who will win all the marbles? Whose face will appear on this billboard? Find out next.
- We're back with tonight's finalists.
They're all hoping to be the rightest of the right And the winner of $25,000 and their own billboard.
Here's a quick reminder Of the arguments they won tonight.
Ranita Robinson with the to-do over the daughter's do.
- Joe has brainwashed Naomi.
- She doesn't need to hide behind four pigtails.
- I love Joe, but something's got to change.
- Ranita, why are you the rightest? - I just think it's important for a young girl to be-- You know, have role models And to look presentable and look nice.
Even if he wants her in show business, Part of the real reason he doesn't want to do her hair Is 'cause he's just being lazy, And I just don't think that's right.
- All right, good strategy.
Make the people care about a small child.
Sucheta Rawal with the frequently flying wife.
- When she was in Italy, she sent me all these photos-- All romantic setting, in front of a fountain, And she's riding on a gondola in venice.
- It was so beautiful and so romantic.
- I wasn't there, so I don't see How that can be romantic.
- All right, Sucheta, why are you the rightest? - I think I'm the rightest of the rightest, Because it's a question of an individual's dream.
And my husband--I would love for him to be there, But if he can't, then he shouldn't stop me.
- All right.
And Bobbi Kukal with the fight over the fake fighting.
- Mystic Realms has become my calling.
It is--it is really the opus of my life.
- You got to be kidding me.
Like, really? - She wants a financial contribution.
I'm building a dream.
[applause] - Bobbi, why are you the rightest? - I am the rightest of the right, Because I think it's really time for him To come into the real world and And get a job And do something to contribute for our family.
- Wanting a husband here in the real world.
All right, audience, the time has come.
Please vote now.
Now, you guys are not voting, But who are you rooting for? - Bobbi, I think you're the obvious one, And I think if you had a billboard Of just a picture of you and your husband In one of his executioner's masks, Holding a turkey stick, People would probably side with you just based on that, But I'm going with you.
I think you're the rightest.
- Sucheta.
You think Sucheta's the rightest.
- I think Sucheta's-- it's a more difficult thing, You know, that situation, and I think she's - All right, you think she'll be the rightest.
Okay, Bill? - I got to go with Bobbi.
We don't make any adult decisions, 'cause they're not fun, and we have a passion for fun.
- Good point.
Patti? - I go with Bobbi.
- Bobbi? - Yeah.
- Oh, two.
- Mystic Realms will never make it like P.
Diddy.
- Okay, the results are in.
It's time to find out who will be the rightest.
In third place, with the fewest votes, Not the winner of $25,000 Or their own billboard Ranita Robinson.
Sorry, Ranita.
- That's all right.
- Give her a round of applause [applause] 'cause that's all she's gonna get.
And now it's down to Bobbi and Sucheta.
One of them will win $25,000 and their own billboard, And the other gets nothing.
The rightest of the right And the winner of $25,000 and their own billboard is [drumroll] Bobbi Kukal! [cheers and applause] Congratulations.
Let's bring out-- let's bring out Anton.
- Thank you.
Thank you.
- Anton, come on up.
Come over here.
Bobbi, over here.
Now, you've won $25,000, And you are the rightest.
You're gonna get your own billboard, But only one person can make this official, So, Anton, let's hear you say it.
- You were right.
[cheers and applause] - Here's what your billboard will look like.
Okay, that's our show.
We'd like to thank our panel, Ali Wentworth, Bill Maher, and Patti LaBelle.
- Whoo-hoo-hoo! All right! Oh, yeah! Take that! - My shield's gonna rust! - [laughing] - All couples tonight Will receive a five-night stay in an oceanfront room At the Westin Diplomat Resort & SPA In Hollywood, Florida.
Airfare furnished by Orbitz.
Sync and Corrections by Gatto