The Neighborhood (2018) s03e06 Episode Script

Welcome to the Turnaround

Oh, hey, Dave.
Oh, hey, Calvin.
What's wrong? It's been a whole three seconds, and I'm not thinking of an excuse to go inside.
Yeah, we just got a call from Gemma's sister Brittany.
She's back in town and she's on her way over.
I thought you told me she was in jail again.
Well, she was, but she got out early.
This time without having to dress up like a guard.
You know, that was pretty impressive, making a mustache out of a mop.
I just figured that we wouldn't have to see her for a while.
You know, now that TSA has banned her from every major airline.
You know, family like her, they always find a way.
Last Christmas, my cousin Daeshawn couldn't afford a plane ticket, so he put himself in a crate and shipped himself home.
I'm just afraid of what she's gonna want from us now.
The first thing Daeshawn wanted was a glass of water.
You know, she says that she's turned her life around, but it's always the same thing with her.
You know, she shows up looking for a handout, her life is a total mess, and she expects us to fix it all.
Hi, Dave.
Brittany? Here's a hundred bucks for picking me up.
I've been banned from more car services than major airlines.
Daeshawn didn't show up like that.
His legs were asleep and he was covered in packing peanuts.
It's so awesome you came to visit, Aunt Brittany.
My friends can't believe I'm related to a TV star.
Sweetie, being on Locked Up Abroad doesn't make you a TV star.
Maybe not, but being on it three times does.
High five.
Here we go, drinks for everyone.
Brittany, I put yours in a to-go cup in case, you know, you need to go.
Dave, don't be rude.
But seriously, Brittany, don't let us keep you.
Don't worry, guys.
I know I was a bit of a handful last time I was here, but this trip's different.
Oh, well, we already know that because there isn't a stolen school bus parked out on our front lawn.
You told me to pick Grover up after school.
You didn't tell me how.
So then, uh, why exactly are you here? I'm in town on a business trip.
We're not investing.
I don't need investors.
In fact, I'm in town to meet some potential clients for my new fashion line.
- You started a fashion line? - Uh, yeah.
And you deserve some of the credit, Gemma.
Last time you kicked me out, I realized all those things you said to me were true.
I didn't have a purpose and I needed to find one.
Well, we knew school bus driver was out.
Anyways, I-I love clothes, and I've always been good at sewing, so I decided to go for it.
And pretty soon I was selling my own designs at private parties.
In fact, I'm wearing one of my best sellers right now.
Oh, my God.
You made that? Dave, isn't this incredible? It is.
Some would say unbelievable.
Well, believe it, Dave.
And to prove to you that I've turned my life around, I want to pay you guys back for all the money you're lent me over the years.
What? Brittany, no, no, no.
This is way too much.
No, that's right.
I stole a lot, too.
This is amazing.
You know what would be really amazing? If this thing actually clears.
What are you doing, Dave? Brittany just gave us a check for all the money that she's borrowed.
Crazy thing is, I think it's real.
Let me see that.
Damn, for this kind of money I'll be your sister-in-law.
You know, I can't count the amount of times that she has suckered money out of us.
Well, you don't have to.
She wrote 'em all down here on the memo line.
I guess I should just be glad that she paid us back.
You know what? You should take that money and do something nice for yourself.
Like taking me out for a steak dinner.
Actually, you know, I have a better idea.
Oh, you're gonna give me the money and I can go by myself? No.
You and I are gonna go to an escape room.
Oh, come on.
- Not this again.
- Oh, come on, Calvin.
I have asked you a thousand times, and you always say no.
Because every time we're in a room together, I want to escape.
I promise you it's gonna be fun.
Fine, I'll go.
You know what, in fact, maybe we should start practicing right now.
Now, what I'd like Oh, man, he is gonna be good at this.
Well, Brittany wasn't lying.
She's really staying at the Four Seasons.
This time in a room she didn't enter through an air-conditioning duct.
Well, I got to say it sounds like your sister's really turned over a new leaf.
Mm, I don't know.
She's burned me so many times before.
Literally, once, when she torched her car for insurance money.
You know, Gemma, people can change.
Calvin used to complain all the time about me getting too many speeding tickets.
So you started driving slower? Hell no, he just stopped complaining about it.
Now, that's change right there.
I guess you're right.
I mean, if she has changed, and I didn't support her, what kind of sister would I be? Exactly.
So be happy for her.
Like how I am when I blast over speed bumps and catch some air.
You know what I should do? I should host one of those private parties for her fashion line.
Oh, I like that.
I could invite some of my coworkers from school.
I can bring some of my friends from the church.
- That'd be fun.
- Oh, perfect.
Brittany will love this.
I'm gonna call her right now.
Or we can drive over and tell her.
I could get us there in seven minutes flat.
Now, this is an escape room.
Look at all the saws and blood splatter.
It's like we're actually in a serial killer's basement.
Dave, we walked through a P.
Chang's to get here.
My name is Andy, and I'm your host.
Welcome to the worst night of your lives.
Way ahead of you, pal.
Now, Calvin, pay attention.
Everything he says or does can be a clue.
Even his name, Andy.
What's Andy backwards? Ydna.
It's Ydna.
Would you do me a favor and grab that chain saw and just kill me now? Okay, so you've been abducted by a serial killer.
No one outside can hear your screams.
The killer must have soundproofed the walls.
Uh, no, we did after P.
Chang's complained.
You have one hour to escape, or your friends and family will never hear from you again.
Or you can just give me a ringy-dingy on this if you want to give up.
Your time starts now.
Okay, Calvin, am I crazy, or were his shoes on the wrong feet? And if they were, what could that possibly mean? Dave, this has got to be the lamest thing that Welcome to my little playroom.
Okay, this ain't funny.
I'm gonna show you some of my toys.
And when I'm done, you will become my second and third victims of the night.
Second and third victim? Who was the first? No! That-That's it, I'm out.
Give me the walkie-talkie.
No, Calvin, we are not giving up.
We are gonna get out of here by following the clues.
It's what Andy would have wanted.
Dave you can stay in here and get murdered, but I am going out there and I'm getting some kung pao chicken.
Give me the walkie! No! Why the hell did you do that? Because you promised to give this a shot, and I'm gonna make sure that you do.
Okay, if you let me out, I'll give you him.
I can't believe you did this for me, Gemma.
Of course.
I wanted to show you how proud I am of you.
Well, it means a lot.
Even more than that time you let me live in your attic for a month.
You lived in my attic for a month? Gemma, Brittany, I would like you to meet the pastor's wife Sister Sabrina.
She puts the attitude in the beatitudes.
You know, Sister Sabrina, I used to want to be a nun, but then I found out that they couldn't Okay, let's get started.
Uh everyone make yourselves comfortable.
First, I want to thank all of you for coming tonight.
It means so much to me to be able to introduce you to my sister, instead of warn you about her.
Anyway, you guys didn't come here to listen to me.
You came to buy some clothes from the hottest new fashion designer in town.
Brittany, take it away.
Thanks, sis.
You're my inspiration.
And I dedicate my entire clothing line to you, because without you, this would have been impossible.
Speaking of impossible try breaking out of this sexy dungeon harness.
And if you buy tonight, I will throw in this studded spanking paddle at half price.
Spank! And for anyone that wants to have a hell of a night, this dirty little devil is up to no good which is why she needs to be locked up with these furry handcuffs.
Oh, my Lord.
Don't worry, they're a lot more comfortable than the ones cops use.
Trust me.
We have got to do something.
I am trying to get into heaven, and Sister Sabrina is my referral.
Okay, uh, well, uh, thank you, Brittany.
That was, uh, very informative.
Who knew pasties came in different sizes? But I'm not done.
I haven't even gotten to the kinky stuff yet.
Fine, but you're not even holding that right.
What the hell was that? I told you, the Dirty Little Devil.
Isn't it cute? It even comes with a vibrating pitchfork.
I can't believe I let you scam me again.
What are you talking about? You lied to me.
You said that dress you wore yesterday was part of your line.
Everything today was X-rated.
Okay, so was that dress.
The straps are edible.
Two bites and you're naked.
Oh, my God I didn't know you were such a prude.
I am not a prude.
But I am a principal, and half the women out there work for me.
And the other half are from Tina's church.
Because of you, she might not get into heaven.
You're overreacting.
It's just lingerie.
You know what? This is my fault.
I never should have trusted you in the first place.
I don't even know why I'm surprised anymore.
Okay, that's not fair.
No, what's not fair is that no matter how much I try to support you, you always let me down.
Oh, my God, nothing I do is enough for you.
I finally find something that I am good at, and it's still not up to the standards of Little Miss Perfect.
Which also happens to be the name of my crotchless angel outfit.
Calvin, I'm reading the killer's diary, and based on his childhood, you know, I'm starting to think that he's the real victim here.
Well, skip to the end.
I want to know who kills you first: him or me.
Okay, Calvin, you can sit there and keep complaining, or you can get into the spirit and help me solve this last puzzle.
We don't have much time left.
What do you want me to do? Okay, start looking for clues.
The door has a keypad lock on it, which means we need to search for a four-digit code.
Okay, while you do that, I'll just start punching in random numbers.
No, Calvin, don't.
Doing that could trigger some sort of trap.
Okay, fine, no random numbers.
I'll try the year I was born.
All right, I'll try the year Tina was born.
Calvin, I'm-I'm telling you, please.
Listen to me, you're just gonna make things worse.
Dave, there's no way I could make tonight any worse.
Okay, now, hey, we don't know this is on me.
- I'm so sorry.
- I had nothing to do with it.
- I apologize.
- It was all her idea.
- Please forgive me.
- I'm offended, too.
I can't believe I let Brittany do this to me again.
What are you complaining about? The next dirty devil I see might be the real one.
And you know what else? She had the nerve to call me "Little Miss Perfect.
" Which is also the name of her Yeah, yeah, I know.
And what-what does she even mean by that? I'm "perfect" just because I was popular and got good grades and dated the quarterback? Damn, you were that girl? Forget Brittany, I hate you right now.
So what? I'm supposed to feel bad just because she feels like she couldn't compete with me? No, you don't need to feel bad.
But you got to admit, it must have been tough living in your shadow.
Maybe a little.
But I just want what's best for her.
I love her.
And obviously she loves you, too, which is why she is desperate for your approval.
What are you talking about? Come on, Gemma.
Brittany flew all the way over here from Michigan, okay? She said it was about business, but if you ask me, what I think she really wanted was to show you that she has finally accomplished something.
You think so? I know so.
You should have seen the look on her face when you were introducing her.
Her smile was brighter than this neon ball gag.
I guess.
For trashy lingerie, it is pretty well-made.
I mean, look at the stitching around where the nipple would be.
- Oh, yeah, that's quality work.
- Yeah.
You know, it strikes a careful balance between comfortable and freaky-deaky.
Sister Sabrina? Please don't kick me out of your church.
Actually, I came back because I wanted to make a purchase.
You do? Well, don't look so surprised.
Church folk get down, too.
I didn't get six kids wearing a muumuu.
Now, where are those fuzzy cuffs? Ooh.
I can't believe this.
Look what you got me into.
Me? I solved every puzzle except for the last one, and then you just started punching in random numbers.
You know, I don't have to stand here and listen to this.
Oh, okay, fine.
Two can play that game.
Did you just turn your back on me? Yeah, I just turned my back on you.
Doesn't feel very good, does it? Hell no, it doesn't, because now our butts are touching.
You know, I just don't get why, whenever we do something I want, you can't even try to have a good time.
Because you always want to do something stupid.
Now-now stop moving around.
You're starting to press me like a panini.
That is exactly the attitude that I'm talking about.
You know, tonight could've been fun if you had at least given it a chance.
Wh-What do you want from me? You know I don't like these puzzle things.
Wh-What, am I supposed to think that these three splatters of blood here and these five splatters of blood down here are some kind of clue? W-Wait a second, I have the same pattern over here.
I-I have three and then five.
Hold on.
Maybe my three and five plus your three-five Maybe that's the last code.
Well, punch it in before time runs out.
It worked.
Nice! How about that, creepy laughing dude? Looks like you're not the only one killing it in here.
You smell that, Calvin? That is the smell of freedom.
No, my friend, that is the smell of P.
Now let's go murder some moo shu.
Hey, sis.
If you're here because something is missing from your house, it wasn't me this time.
I stole this bracelet from you years ago.
So what do you want? I came to apologize.
I said some pretty terrible things to you that I wish I could take back.
But you got to understand, I was really embarrassed.
Well, I'm sorry I embarrass you.
What do I need to do to get your approval? Be a doctor? A lawyer? Just tell me, because I know a guy, and I can get a license tomorrow.
You don't need my approval.
I know I don't need it.
But it doesn't mean I don't want it.
Gemma, you're my big sister.
I look up to you.
I'm sorry.
Instead of supporting you, I got caught up in my own feelings when I should've been thinking about yours.
It's okay.
No, it isn't.
You are doing something with your life, and you're really good at it.
And I am really proud to be your big sister.
You really mean it? Absolutely.
And if I ever say anything that makes you feel any different, just slap one of your leather muzzles on me.
Thanks, Gem, that means the world.
And I'm really sorry I made you look bad in front of all those people from work.
Actually, you didn't.
What is this? A list of orders.
Turns out I work with a bunch of freaks.
Oh, hey, babe.
How was the escape room with Dave? Well, we actually had a pretty good time.
If I'm ever really trapped in a serial killer's basement, I hope Dave's there with me.
How was the fashion party? Did you buy anything? Well, as a matter of fact, I did pick up a little something.
Babe, I think I saw one of those in the serial killer's basement.
You might have escaped from him, but you're not gonna escape from me.
I was a little bloated from the Chinese food.
But I can rally.
Okay, here we go.
Wait, wait.
Turn it on the other side.
- Okay, okay.
All right.
- Okay, there we go.
- Ooh, ooh, ooh, come on.
- Hey, Calvin, you left your wallet in the Get out, Dave.

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