The Neighborhood (2018) s04e20 Episode Script

1 All right, everybody, look.
My mama's gonna be here soon.
Feet down.
Dave, you know how you usually go on and on about how great I am? I know, I'll turn it down.
No, no, no, no, no, no.
I need you to turn it all the way up.
Sometimes she forgets the light I bring into the world.
I'm gonna need the full Dave.
Okay, full Dave.
Locked and loaded.
Calvin, she's coming to see her baby boy get the Chamber of Commerce Award.
Mama Marilyn's leaving a luxury cruise with Calvin's brother just to be here.
Now, that is a proud mother.
Oh, where was my proud mother when I got my award in fifth grade? It was for perfect attendance, Marty.
And you didn't attend.
You don't see the irony in that? Look, I just want this visit to go perfectly.
Sometimes my mom can be a little hard to please.
(LAUGHS) A little? Mama Marilyn is a gangster.
She's the only one who can crack on Pop without him cracking back.
Well, it's called respect.
And a little fear.
(CHUCKLES) I grew up in the '70s.
Whuppin' kids was still in style.
- Yeah, that's it.
- It's true.
- (DOORBELL RINGS) - Ooh, she's here, y'all.
Ooh, I got flowers for her! Okay, baby.
- Hi.
- Oh, my God! Ooh, girl, you look beautiful as ever.
- Thank you.
- Hey, my grandbabies.
- You see me! - I see you.
With faces like these, why don't I have tons of beautiful great-grandbabies? Well, Marilyn, I'd settle for just one ugly one.
You must be Dave and Gemma.
- Hi! - Hi! Oh! I feel so warm and safe.
Hey, Mama.
- Oh, there you are.
- Yeah, yeah.
You're looking good, baby.
But you got to start exfoliating.
Yeah.
Oh, no, uh, right.
Uh, Mama Marilyn? No need to exfoliate perfection.
I mean, do you see those pores? No, you don't, because they don't exist.
Dave, come on.
Y-You're embarrassing me.
Come on.
Welcome to the block, welcome to the neighborhood ♪ Welcome to the hood.
♪ Mmm, girl, if I had a cookbook, I'd put your recipes in it.
(LAUGHS) I understand why your business is booming.
- Aw, thank you, Marilyn.
- Yeah.
Well, you know, Calvin's auto shop is doing great, too.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But I can't eat a car.
(BOTH LAUGH) You know, Mom, uh, the city is literally giving me an award for how my business serves the community.
I think I'm doing all right.
Lighten up, Calvin.
Everything does not have to be about you.
Well, you know, tonight kind of is.
Well, you know, Calvin getting an award is pretty impressive, don't you think, Marilyn? It was 30 years ago when I got it.
They weren't just handing them out to anybody back in the day.
Mm.
And they still aren't.
How cool is it that Calvin is following in your footsteps? Yeah, yeah.
You know, actually, I was just thinking it should be called "the Butler Award.
" Oh, that's good, that's good.
They should call it "the Marilyn Butler Award.
" Because I got it first.
Well, mine's gonna be shinier than yours because it's new.
What-what's that, Calvin? Uh, I was just, I was saying that I like your new hairdo.
Oh.
♪ That's either potato chip grease or glue.
Only one way to find out.
Oh.
Peanut butter.
That's nasty.
This is why I always get my own bowl of chips.
Hey, so what's this history collage you guys are working on? We're learning about the Elaine Massacre in Arkansas.
Hmm, I never learned about that in school.
Hundreds of Black people were killed in a riot in 1919.
The book says that state officials tried to cover it up.
Oh, this is a part of the new diverse studies program that your mom started, huh? Yeah, Mom doesn't want us growing up as clueless as you guys did.
(CHUCKLES) Well I don't want to be clueless, so I'm gonna learn with you guys.
My dad says there's lots of people who'd rather act like those things never happened.
Well, unfortunately, he's not wrong.
Boys, set your alarm.
It's time for me to get woke.
I'm sorry, he learned it from TikTok.
There's nothing I can do.
♪ And where would Calvin's Pit Stop be without my Tina? She's the engine of my life with the performance chassis that is built to hug my road.
Ooh, that's fire, baby! Hold up.
You're not really gonna use that tonight, are you? Not anymore.
No.
Uh, so what time does this little thing start tonight? Uh, well, this "little thing" starts at 6:00.
Aren't you gonna get ready? Yeah, yeah, I'm just working on my acceptance speech.
How hard is it just to say, "Thank you, God, thank you, Mama," and get the hell off the stage? Um (STAMMERS) Marilyn I am supposed to introduce Calvin tonight, but since you're here, why don't you say some nice words about him in my place? Oh, Tina, that's a wonderful idea.
- Thank you.
- Okay.
Uh, Mama, you sure you can put together a speech at the last minute? Last minute is when I do my best work.
Oh, babe.
Um, I probably should've run that by you first.
I'm sorry.
No, you know what, don't be.
- Thank you.
- Mm.
Now my mama will be forced to brag about me in public.
You know? I wonder what she's gonna talk about first.
You know, my business savvy, or how the community loves me? Or oh, oh! Or how humble I am.
♪ (GRUNTS) Stop fighting me, Double Stuf! Excuse me, Mrs.
Johnson? Yep.
Stan Simmons, Eden's dad.
They said I'd find you by the vending machine.
That's sad.
Um (CHUCKLES) - How can I help you? - I just want to say I'm, uh, really struggling with this new diversity curriculum.
- "Struggling"? - Well, not me.
More Eden.
I mean, there's educating, and then there's burdening our children with guilt, which can lead to depression and God knows what else.
Well, we certainly don't want any of that.
Mm-hmm.
But the goal is to tell the truth about our country's history.
But by being exposed to this curriculum, she's feeling responsible for things she had nothing to do with.
Like race riots and slavery.
Well, our children didn't fight the British, but we teach them about the American Revolution.
I just think it's important for our kids to get the full picture.
I was hoping to avoid this, Mrs.
Johnson, but, um I donate a lot of money to this school, and I'd hate to take it and my child elsewhere.
I think the old textbook gave the right picture.
If you donate so much money, why don't we have better vending machines? ♪ (INDISTINCT CHATTER, LAUGHTER) Wow, Pop, it is crazy how this night is supposed to be about you, but, uh, everybody is loving on Mama Marilyn.
Well, that's all right.
Because in a minute, she's about to give me all my props.
Now sit down and eat your little sea bass.
Fun fact.
Marty, this is the quiet part of the dinner.
Uh, you okay? I'm fine.
Why do you ask? Well, you're double-fisting rosés.
They're small.
I just can't stop thinking about that big donor from school.
I've gotten more calls about the new book.
If we lose donations over this, I could lose my job.
Well, I think you need to let all the parents voice their opinions.
I mean, if you're gonna go down, go down fighting.
You know what, you're right.
I'll call a meeting and explain how important this new curriculum is.
- Yeah.
- Thanks, honey.
Two more rosés, please.
Relax, one's for you.
♪ Okay, all right, everybody, here we go.
- Forks down, cameras up.
- Get your camera.
Welcome, everybody.
Here to introduce this year's Excellence in Business award winner is a recipient herself for her employment agency, and my first crush.
Mrs.
Marilyn Butler.
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE) Uh, uh, Tina, get me a napkin.
This-this is about to get deep, I'm sure.
Okay.
Thank you, everyone.
What can I say about my son, Calvin that he hasn't already told you about himself? (LAUGHTER, CLAMORING) Okay, ev-everybody starts their speech off with a joke.
Yeah, yeah.
Oh, yeah, no.
That was a pretty good one.
I always knew Calvin would be his own boss.
He had to be.
No one else would hire him.
(LAUGHTER) Calvin, your mom is killing it.
All my laughs are fake, by the way.
I'm so sorry, baby.
Asking her to do the intro was a mistake.
No, Marty's outfit is a mistake.
This is a disaster.
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE) Wow.
Seriously, since there were so many people tonight who thanked me for helping them start their businesses, I think I should get this award again.
- (CHEERING, CLAMORING) - Wow! We love you, Marilyn! Sit on down, Frank.
Stop flirting.
(LAUGHTER, WHOOPING) But, seriously, this award is a great honor for my son.
I'm sure he's gonna cherish it like it's his first one.
Because it is.
(LAUGHTER) Oh! This has got to be almost over, right? If there's a God.
I can go on and on about Calvin, but why do that when he's so much better at it? Ladies and gentlemen, this year's honoree and his own biggest fan, my son, Calvin Butler.
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE) Go, Daddy! Oh, she thinks she got jokes? I got jokes.
Ca-Calvin, don't do it.
She's your mother.
You'll regret it.
Just stick to your speech.
Baby, you'll be fine.
All right, go ahead, baby! - That's my husband! - Go, Dad! Go! You want me to stay up here with you? Make sure they keep laughing? (CHUCKLES) No, Mama, I got it.
Uh, Frank? - Would you mind? Thank you.
- Oh, yeah, yeah, of course.
Yeah, please, go with Frank, Mama.
Thank you.
And, uh thank you, Mama, for those kind words.
(LAUGHTER) If it wasn't for your endless positivity, who knows where I would be today? (LAUGHTER) I mean, it's that kind of motherly love and support that keeps me going.
(LAUGHTER) Is he making fun of me? Oh, the tiramisù is delicious.
Did you have some? ♪ (LAUGHING) CALVIN: And again, I just want to say thank you to my wonderful mother, my beautiful wife, my two sons, and the Chamber of Commerce for this great award.
Thank you guys so much.
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE) So that's how you get your laughs, huh? Making fun of your mama? I just read from my speech.
Just be happy you can't read my mind.
(SIGHS) Ooh.
Calvin, I've got to say I'm kind of afraid of your mom.
Well, I'm a grown-ass man, Dave, and I'm not.
- Oh, I think she's coming back.
- Okay, okay (STAMMERING) ♪ And that's why I stand behind my decision.
This book is not teaching an alternate history.
It's teaching the history of America.
- (CHEERING) - Yeah.
The floor is open for comments.
You did great, hon.
I'm really proud of you.
Me, too.
You know, I like watching you take on the masses.
And by "masses," I mean "ignorant asses.
" (CLEARS THROAT) Stan Simmons, Eden's dad.
The world's already a scary place.
We don't need our children's innocent minds filled with stuff they don't need to know about by so-called educators.
Let our kids be kids.
Did he just say "so-called"? Yes, he did.
Hold my earrings.
This might get ugly.
TINA: Mm-hmm.
Here, hold my earrings, too.
I'm her ride-or-die.
Can we say something? Grover? What are you kids doing here? We came to say we don't want the old book.
We like the new one.
We want to learn the truth about our history.
Yeah, we're not scared.
We can handle anything.
We eat the lunch here.
We are the youth KIDS: And we want the truth! Sorry, Dad, I'm not uncomfortable.
You are.
These things happened.
I need to know about it.
(STAMMERS) You kids are too young for all of this.
I disagree.
If my son's old enough to experience racism, then your daughter is old enough to learn about it.
- Yeah.
- (CHEERING, APPLAUSE) Y-You're making a big mistake.
And it's gonna cost you.
Mr.
Simmons, I know in my heart if we don't tell the whole story, that will be the mistake.
But if parents like you are gonna threaten to pull your donations over this, then this isn't the place for me.
No, Ms.
Johnson, we love what you're doing.
I'd be happy to donate more money so our kids can learn their true history.
Us, too.
Oh, count me in.
And my kids don't even go to this school.
♪ Thanks again for your hospitality, Tina.
And thanks for the ride to the airport, boys.
Somebody else was too busy.
Well, I don't remember somebody asking me.
Well, I'm sorry you had to cut your trip short.
Ouch, man.
It's already uncomfortable enough.
I don't need you poking me.
Mama Marilyn, are you sure you can't stay for another day or two? Uh, thank you, Malcolm, but I know when I'm not wanted.
Again just reading from my prepared speech.
Mm-hmm.
Disrespected by my own son.
"Disrespected"? Me disrespecting you? (LAUGHING): Oh! Wow! That is rich.
Boy, are you coming for me? No, Mama, this my house right here.
- I need you to understand this - Oh! Oh! Oh! - (MUTTERING) - Oh! Okay, oh, oh, wait, okay, all right! It is time that you both acknowledge that you are just alike.
Spicy and lovable all wrapped up into one.
Which is why I love you both.
But nobody is leaving my house until you talk things out.
That's right, I said it.
♪ Well, I guess Tina told you.
I thought she was telling you.
(BOTH LAUGH) Ma, I just wanted this visit to be different this time.
I mean, I was proud of that award, and I wanted you to be, too.
Calvin, I am proud of you.
Well, it doesn't feel like it.
In fact, it's never felt like it.
My whole life, I've been second with you.
I mean, and I'm your firstborn.
Curtis he gets all the attention.
And I got all the wisecracks.
You didn't need my attention.
Like Tina said, we're just alike.
Good-looking, intelligent, independent and thick-skinned.
- You see what you did? - What? You were talking about me, but really, it was a compliment about you.
Oh, that's where I get that from.
Son, you were the kind of kid that if I said there was something impossible for you to do, you would get up the next day and just do it.
Well, why did I get a whupping when you said it was impossible for me to drive your car? Baby, you were only 12 years old.
I mean, it was a small car, you remember that? - It was a little bitty car.
- Yeah, I remember.
Look, you were a shooting star then.
You're a shooting star now.
Well, that would've been a nice line for your speech last night.
But where's the fun in that? (BOTH LAUGH) Calvin, I love the man you've become.
Despite the fact that you was gonna kick my ass out.
No, you were the one that wanted to leave.
Well, now I'll stay a few extra days.
And you can make it up to me.
(BOTH LAUGH) - My baby.
- Thanks, Mama.
- Thank you, honey.
- So, uh how many extra days we talking? ♪ I'm playing, I'm playing.
You know, it's been a while since I've stretched out the old karaoke cords, but Mama Marilyn, you are in for a treat.
Oh, no, baby.
We're gonna save you for last.
- Okay, baby, start us off.
- Baby, you know I'm tired.
Hey sista, soul sista ♪ Go sista, flow sista ♪ He met Marmalade down in old New Orleans ♪ Struttin' her stuff on the street ♪ She said, "Hello, hey, Joe ♪ You wanna give it a go?" ♪ - Gitchie, gitchie, ya-ya, da-da ♪ - Ooh ♪ Gitchie, gitchie, ya-ya, here ♪ Yeah, well, well ♪ Mocha chocolata ya-ya ♪ - Say what ♪ - Creole Lady Marmalade ♪ (ALL CHEER) Oh voulez-vous coucher avec moi, ce soir ? ♪ - Come on, y'all! - So you still want to follow this? Nope.
Voulez-vous coucher avec moi, ce soir ? ♪ Voulez-vous coucher avec ♪