The Penguins of Madagascar (2008) s01e47 Episode Script

Herring Impaired

Next, the Habitat Owners Association asks that you be courteous to your down-wind neighbours.
What? What's everybody looking at me for? And tonight's final piece of business, the photographer is coming tomorrow.
So, if there aren't any questions, we'll wrap up-- Hey, hey! Wait, wait! Go back to the photo thingy, and be more explain-ary! Every year, a photographer-- Jim, his name's Jim! And though his bread and butter's weddings and bar mitzvahs, he's quite good with wildlife.
Yeah.
He selects one of us to be on the cover of the zoo brochure.
Which is to be me, because who is more cover-worthy than the king of the zoo? Uh, nobody nowhere? Yay, King Julien! Hold on there a second! Maybe the zoo would like a lady on the cover this year.
Okay, yes, maybe.
But where are we going to find one, Marlene? You little--! Forget it, you two.
They always pick Private.
Adorableness is his secret weapon.
Secret weapon? Sure, we all have one.
Mine is fearless moxie, Kowalski's is scientific genius, Rico's is psychotic derangement and Private's is adorableness.
Gee, Skipper, I think anyone could be on the cover.
All you need to do is believe in your dreams! Aww! See? Secret weapon.
He's here! I see him! Huh? La, la, la! Hey, I am being lovable here! There's my little bubby! Just let it flow, Private.
Be who you are.
Beautiful! Adorable as always! Star quality in spades! Oh, ah! Oh, he's in top form this morning.
That little rascal does us all proud.
Yoo-hoo! Mr.
Photographer! Come see how cute I am! Ugh! Maurice, my regal cuddliness is being ignored! Be doing something about it! Ow! What was that? And who moved my camera? Well, hello! Well done, Maurice.
Is he now capturing my delicate yet masculine contours? Uh, no? He's taking pictures of Mort.
Come back, tail! Hee, hee, hee! I know adorable when I see it, and that is adorable! Of course it is! I-- ah! Mort? My tail is yummy! But-- but-- He barely even noticed me.
He was too busy taking pictures of Mort.
Come on now, Private.
You run circles around that puff ball! Speaking of running circles, when Mort was chasing his own tail, didn't you just melt? Yeah! Oh, ahem.
I'd like to strike my comments from the record.
It's not fair! I was here first! Mort can just go and get his own thing, because when it comes to adorable, there can be only one! Pardon us, Private, but we couldn't help overhear your little problem.
Yeah, lucky for you, we're expert problem-solvers.
Huh? Let's just say we know how to take a certain puff ball out of the picture.
Oh, that would be-- wait! No, I'd never agree to anything like that! Hey, nobody's saying you would! Hey, hey! But if something were to take Mort out of the picture, it would be a good thing for you, right? No! No, it wouldn't! And by no, you mean yes.
What? No, I don't want any part of what you're saying! Ahh! You hear that? He don't want no part.
Good.
It's cleaner that way.
Come on, let's go down and Mmm, yummy! Oh! Huh? Ta-da! Check out that! It's an otter wearing a hat! That is so funny! Oh, my goodness! This is a brochure photo op, for sure! Where is that adorable scamp of a lemur? Huh? Ugh! Maurice, what is the problem? I am giving the man my best-est poses.
The "You caught me by surprise!" The "Contemplating the meaning of life.
" The "My fur is so soft! So very, very soft!" Maybe he's not clicking because Mort isn't here.
Ah, well.
There's always yesterday's news.
Ahh, Maurice! Find Mort! I need his photogenic-ness-ness! Mort! Mort, where are-- Now, this! This is the stuff! This is what I like to see! Psst, hey, Private! Is Skipper around? Go, Maurice, I'm busy! Thanks! Skipper, you've got to help me.
Mort's missing! Look, he only ate half his icy pop! So? Let me say that again.
He only ate half his icy pop! What you're saying is Mort's met with foul play.
Foul play? Yo, the fuzz ball is out of the picture! Wink, wink! Oh, no! Oh, ugly! But pick yourself up, dust yourself off.
We can save this.
I told them not to do anything! This isn't my fault, is it? I don't know, is it? Mort? What did they do to you? I am a ghost now! Hee, hee, hee, hee! Private! Fall in! What, all of a sudden he's camera-shy? This I do not need! Now, listen up.
Someone swiped Sad Eyes.
Nuh-uh! I'm right here.
He's vanished without a trace! No one has seen him in hours.
This penguin sees me.
Don't you, penguin? Shh! How's that, Private? Shh-shouldn't we search the lemur habitat? You know, for clues.
Right, let's roll! What kind of heartless sicko would snatch that cute little lumpkin? Mort was the photographer's new favourite.
Hee, hee! So, this was tied to the brochure cover? Oh! He knows! Without a doubt, which means the culprit must be-- Marlene! Hey, guys! I need your opinion.
Which is more cover model? Pink, or polka dots? Marlene, you do know that Mort is missing! Oh, my gosh, that is terrible.
So, pink? Oh, definitely pink.
That's what I thought! Thanks! Go on, Kowalski.
You were saying? Here it comes! I was saying the culprit is-- Me! I did it! I had to! Mort was camera-hogging all my glory! Who knew the depths of my depravity? You didn't do it.
I was with you the whole time.
Really? Okay, disregard the tearful confession, then.
Even though I'm a ghost, I still love your feet.
Yay! Try again, Kowalski.
Who's our culprit? The culprit is Private! Aghhh! You don't look so good.
Bothered about this Sad Eyes business, eh? Um, yes, Skipper.
Very bothered.
Take five.
I need everyone at peak performance if we're going to flesh out this maniac.
Hee, hee, he said "flush"! Can I just finish my sentence, please? The culprit is someone exceedingly mean, or at the very least, not nice.
least, not nice.
Gosh, I'm sorry, Mort.
I never meant for this to happen.
Okay! Can I have an icy pop now? No, Mort! You're a ghost.
I know, look! Hi, wormies! But that means you can never have an icy pop again! You give me icy pop! Or I will haunt you! No, no, Mort! Please don't! I will haunt you, and haunt you, and haunt you until you are very, very sad! Oh, no! No, no! Oof! Private, did you find the clue that cracks this case wide open? No, he found the two clues that crack this case wide open.
Ba-da-bing! Top-drawer work, Private! You led us right to the real villain.
I found the icy pop! Yay! Oh! You got any 3's? Go sleep with the fishes.
Hi-ya! Ow, hey! Hey, ouch! Brutalize them in the eyes! For Mort! Oh, hey.
What'd you do to Sad Eyes, you monsters? Stop! Don't attack Bada and Bing, guys! This is my fault.
They only took Mort because I was jealous of him.
Hee, hee! I'm trans-lucifent! Private! Are you saying you're in cahoots with these hooligans? Yeah, that's right.
Yeah, we had an understanding and whatnot.
No! We had a misunderstanding.
Yes, I was jealous, but I never wanted you to hurt Mort.
Hurt? Whoa, we wouldn't hurt the little guy.
Yeah, he's adorable over there! Look.
This icy pop is all melty.
Can I have another? Sure, knock yourself out.
I like it here! So, I'm just a figgy-ment of your guilty imagin-ma-nation! Yeah, we were just entertaining him while that shutterbug was here.
You know, keep him out of the picture for Private over here.
Oh, well, that's all rather innocent, isn't it? Aww, that's me! It sure is, Mort, and congratulations.
Honestly.
Hey, enough with the chitty-chat.
Mort, back to the cutting and the pasting! Ah, now that is adorable.