The Ranch (2016) s02e10 Episode Script

Can't Be Really Gone

Maggie? It's like three o'clock in the morning.
You okay? Yeah.
Little hungover.
Trying to figure out the rest of my life.
You wanna talk about anything? I got up, I got dressed, I was gonna steal your wallet and sneak out.
There's no money in my wallet.
Trust me, I know.
I was about to leave but that would mean heading back to the same old thing I've been doing for the last 40 years.
Same people.
Same conversations.
Same ol' Maggie.
Do you have any idea how much fun I had last night? Well, I have a pretty good idea.
Yeah, yeah, the sex was fine.
[chuckles softly.]
I'm sorry, it was great.
But it was more than that.
It was the whole night.
You know, I I was free.
I don't know it's like the feeling you get when you're 17 years old, and it's the first day of summer vacation, and you just discovered where your sister hides her weed.
I don't wanna lose that feeling.
I get it.
Freedom like that's the best thing in the world.
Except for cocaine.
Fuck, I miss getting high.
Where are you headed next? Well, after what I just said, I should probably hit a meeting up somewhere around here.
Then I got a gig in Albuquerque in a few days.
I'm playing the Bernalillo Winter Harvest.
I go on right after they crown the Bernalillo Armadillo Princess.
You want a ride? You wanna go on the road with me? Well, I wanna go to Albuquerque with you.
After that, who knows? Maybe I'll go to the next town, or maybe I'll just settle down in Albuquerque and open a candle shop.
Well, probably not that 'cause it sounds fucking awful.
Either way, I'm not going back.
So what's the next step? I gotta go back.
I have a few things I have to take care of.
And I can't leave without saying goodbye to my family.
'Cause last time I did that, they just got all pissy.
They're real drama queens.
Family comes first.
Unless, of course, you have a chance to buy a really pure, uncut eight-ball of cocaine.
[theme song playing.]
Hey! Mornin'.
Did you get any sleep last night? [groans.]
I got about three hours.
Had a 20-minute break at the Safeway, slept for half of that.
I fell asleep at that stoplight on Mesa.
Cop woke me up.
Uh, neither one of us could believe I wasn't drunk.
[both chuckle.]
You wanna get breakfast together? Oh, I can't.
I promised my friend, Linda, I'd meet her at the gym before school.
We like to go on the elliptical and watch The Today Show.
I love when Al Roker wishes old people a happy birthday.
- I don't know why.
- [chuckles.]
How 'bout dinner tonight? Uh, it'd have to be early.
I picked up another shift at Safeway.
Oh, and I got an open house at school till 7:30.
Longer if I get cornered by Mrs.
"Katie isn't being challenged enough.
" Having you as a mom, I bet she is.
This sucks.
When the hell we gonna hang out? I get off early on Friday.
I could be here by 4:00.
I don't have to be at the Safeway till 6:00, so, Friday at 4:00.
Well, maybe you can put on the apron, and we can play the stock boy and the I don't know, customer who wants to hook up with the stock boy? [both chuckle.]
Yeah! [gasps.]
- And you'd make a cute stock boy.
- [chuckles.]
All right, you guys about to do it? And I'm gonna go to the gym.
Bye, guys.
Take care, Abby.
Hey, Ab, uh, if that hot redhead from the DQ is there, would you get behind her and sneak some video? You know, like, of her butt? How do you not have to register where you live? I'm always impressed at your ability to make women run out of the room.
Thank you very much, Daddy.
Glad to see you're finally awake.
What are you talking about? It's 5:30.
We start at 5:30.
I'm on time.
Early is on time.
On time is late.
Yeah, you didn't know that? How long you been working here for? Every day feels like his first day.
You know, at Safeway, every team member is valued and respected.
Hey, respect this.
[vehicle approaching.]
- [Beau.]
Maggie? - [Rooster.]
Hey, Mom.
- [Colt.]
What you doing here so early? - It's not early for some people.
On time is on time! I wanted to talk to you guys about something.
I figured you'd be up.
I didn't figure you'd be here.
Yeah, well, Dad came a-knocking, told me Colt was fucking everything up.
Needed to come on back and clean up his mess, so Ha.
That's not what Dad said.
That's not what you said, is it? What's going on? You know, you smell like a bar.
But not not your bar.
Like a like a bar far away.
You know that lowball offer I got on the bar? I'm gonna take it.
You're actually selling the bar? Yep.
I'm leaving.
Oh, shit, I kinda thought that was one of those crazy things you say you're gonna do but you're never actually gonna do it.
You know, like reading a book.
Hold on.
Wait, no, no, no.
You can't leave.
You got a grandkid on the way.
Colt, I know that, but that's like six, seven months away.
Okay, what what if it comes early? You mean on time? Where you going? I have a friend who's playing a show in Albuquerque.
Who's your friend? His name is Clint.
He's a musician.
I'm driving him to his next gig.
Whoa, whoa, wait a second.
This that dude from the bar the other night? That guy? No, no, hold on.
You can't trust that guy.
That guy don't even drink.
Are you fucking kidding? You're going down the road with some guy you met in the bar? It's not about the guy.
Yeah, right.
You could've sold that place three weeks ago.
I don't have to explain myself to you.
I'm doing it.
That's it.
Good for you.
Gee, I just don't think he meant that.
I don't like it either.
You're just walking out on us.
Well, go on, you going, too? [chuckles.]
No, I'm happy for you.
You know, get the fuck outta this town, follow your dreams.
Thank you, Rooster.
And if you gotta come crawling back a complete failure, don't you worry, I'll accept you just like I did Colt.
Hey, Heather! Your baby daddy's here! Well, I was just getting used to you calling me shithead.
[both chuckle softly.]
Give it time, it'll come back.
Hey, Colt.
Wow, you look great.
You got that pregnancy glow.
All that weight you're gaining is going to all the right places.
Real smooth, shithead.
No, it's it's not what I meant.
I mean, you look great.
It's okay.
Hey, uh, I got a doctor's appointment on Friday at 4:00.
You wanna come? [whispering.]
Friday at 4:00? I, um, is is there any way we could do it, like, right now? Yeah, I'm sure there's, like, a drive-through or somethin'.
Look, Colt, it's not that big of a deal, it's just they said I might be able to find out the sex of the baby this time.
Yeah, no, I'll be there.
I'm gonna be there every step of the way with this kid.
And and, uh, not only will I come, I'll, uh, pay for it too.
Did a baby daddy just hand us money without a court order? Should cover all the doctor's bills.
And and I'll have more once I get paid from Safeway.
Safeway? What happened? One of their trucks hit you in the parking lot? I, uh, I got a second job stocking shelves.
So I I also, uh, opened up a savings account for the baby.
You opened up a savings account? That is really sweet, Colt.
Somethin' I wanna do for the little guy, or girl.
Hopefully it's a boy.
Either way, as long as it's healthy, right? Ten fingers, ten toes, and a penis.
All right, here you go.
I suppose you heard what happened last night when you was gone.
- No, what? - Maria told me I was cut off.
Don't worry.
I fired her.
Hank, you can't fire people here.
Agree to disagree.
- Hey, Maggie.
- Oh, hey, Jerry.
Jerry's the guy trying to sell your bar, right? - Yes.
- You're fired.
Well, it's not the first time I've heard that today.
- What? - Oh, it's not important.
We should talk.
I had no idea you were color-blind.
Well, point of fact, I am.
But that's not why I'm wearing my green shirt.
I am actually en route to a Jimmy Buffett concert in Denver.
I've been a Parrot Head since before it was cool.
Okay, I'm just gonna let that one slide right by.
And if you'd like to join me, I have an extra ticket.
And an extra passport to the fifth dimension.
Okay, what's up? Well, um, two bits of bad news.
First, the offer's gone.
You're fired.
I'm sorry.
After you passed, the buyers moved on and decided to purchase the Yarn Barn instead.
And that's the second piece of bad news.
The Yarn Barn is closing.
Fuck the Yarn Barn.
Oh, look who's here.
Hey, Mom.
Hey, Jerry.
Hey, did you guys see they closed the Yarn Barn? [in sad voice.]
I know.
Can I talk to my mom for a sec? Oh, yeah, of course.
I was just on my way out.
But check this out.
I got this at last year's concert.
Oh, shit! The Froot Loops bird! [stutters.]
Yeah, it's a parrot.
It's a toucan.
[chuckles softly.]
Smarter than a lawyer.
Yeah, well, have a good night.
- Goodbye, Jerry.
- Bye.
What's up with you? [sighs.]
I'm sorry for walking away this morning.
You can't leave.
You're my mom.
I'm about to have a kid.
And Dad can't be the only grandparent around.
I mean, readin' Goodnight Moon? More like readin' Government Conspiracy Theory Shot on a Soundstage.
Well, looks like I'm gonna be around, for a while anyway.
The offer for the bar fell through.
You want me to kick his ass? Whose? Yeah, I don't know.
That's just my go-to move when something goes wrong.
Guess, uh Guess, in the end, it's probably a good thing, huh? Good thing? Yeah.
Like you said, now you're gonna be around.
Seriously? So, I just tell you that all my plans for the future fell apart, and all you have to say is, "It's a good thing"? [scoffs.]
Are you really that selfish? I'm selfish? [stammers.]
You're the one that's leaving the family for some guy named Clint.
Ain't even Eastwood.
You know what, Colt? I'm done.
Oh, oh, that's [stutters.]
You're just gonna walk away? [sighs.]
Do you wanna have this conversation? I've devoted my entire life to this family.
And somewhere along the line, I just became invisible.
I'm Beau's wife, or your mother, or Hank's bartender.
I just stopped being Maggie.
And I got a whole list of things that Maggie never got to do.
You know, go to Paris, learn to paint, go on The Price Is Right and kiss Bob Barker.
And that's already gone! So if it makes me selfish to wanna go to New Mexico, not even Mexico, Colt, New Mexico, then I'm fucking selfish.
Hey, Colt.
Hey, guys.
Hey, man.
I just saw that sweet display where they put the, uh, Bud and the Bud Light cans made it into the American flag.
Did you make that? I wish.
I had a little problem with the Charmin pyramid.
Now they won't let me stack anything higher than my waist.
That's cool.
Hey, uh, remember when you used to be a pro football player? - What do you want? - [sighs.]
Well, I just came here to get a case of beer and make fun of you, so one down.
I'm just here for dog food.
- [chuckles.]
- Dog food's on aisle seven.
No, it's on six.
Dad, I work here.
For two days.
I've been coming here for 30 years.
Dog food's on six, razors are on eight and ten items or less seems to be more of a suggestion than a hard-and-fast rule.
[Rooster chuckles.]
[inhales deeply.]
Oh, man what a fucking day.
Dude, you can't drink beer in here.
All right, my manager made that very clear.
I'm not drinking it, just sampling it.
How else am I supposed to know if I like it? You're gonna get me in trouble.
You serious? We ate an entire rotisserie chicken in here one time.
That was a pretty good birthday.
Hey, you wanna swing by the bar and grab drinks tomorrow night while it's still free? I can't.
I already had to blow off Abby - to take Heather to the doctor.
- Ooh.
Plus, you're gonna get plenty more chances.
That offer on the bar fell through.
What's Mom gonna do? I don't know, stick around here for a while, I guess.
I tried to talk to her.
All she did was yell at me.
Fuck it.
I'm confiscating this.
Man, oh, man.
Things get any tougher for Mom, you know? She can't sell her bar and now her son is stocking shelves at the Safeway.
You know, the hair straighteners are on aisle eight if you're sick of looking like a fucking poodle.
[chuckles softly.]
That was a good one.
- [screams.]
- [screams.]
Whoa! You scared the shit out of me! What the hell are you doing on the couch? [sighs.]
I was trying to stay up until you got home.
Aw, that's sweet.
I even cooked you a lasagna, but I fell asleep and it burned.
Do you know none of the smoke alarms work in this house? Oh, yeah, my dad claims he can detect the smoke before they can.
Well, there is a black brick of lasagna in the trash that says he can't.
Is this gonna be the rest of our lives? Hmm.
I just started this job and we're already like two shits passing in the night.
Did you just say, "Two shits"? It's two You know what? Yes, we are.
But hey, we've got Friday.
- Yeah.
- Yeah Friday.
About that.
What? I promised Heather I'd take her to the doctor on Friday.
- Seriously? What about our plans? - Sorry.
I know, but I made a sex playlist on Spotify.
I just She asked And then she said we're supposed to find out whether or not it's a boy or girl.
You know, hopefully it's a boy.
But either way, you know, boy.
Well, of course you should go.
- It's just - Are you mad? No, I'm - disappointed.
- Aw, that's even worse! It's fine, okay.
I wanted to hang out with you, that's all.
- I'm sorry.
- But we can't.
So whatever.
We'll just go to bed.
We're both tired.
- [sighs.]
- I'm sorry.
Nah, it's fine.
We'll talk about it in the morning.
Do I smell smoke? Hey, Ma, can I talk to you? Oh.
Can it wait? It's been a really long day.
I just want to finish up, smoke a joint, eat a whole pan of brownies.
You know, you could save some time, you combine those last two things.
Well, that's a dangerous game.
'Cause the higher you get, the more brownies you want, and before you know it, you're buying a fucking buffalo to put in your bar.
So, what's up? Oh, so, uh, I went over to see Colt at Safeway, you know, mostly 'cause I wanted to see him in an apron.
That was a great call, 'cause he looked fucking stupid.
And that's why you came over? I mean, that would be enough, but, no.
He, uh He told me the offer fell through.
So, I got a plan.
Look, he already had that idea.
There's no one's ass to kick.
First of all, there's always someone's ass to kick.
And second, I don't need to, because I'm gonna take over the bar.
We talked about this.
You're a rancher.
Ma, the point is you sacrificed your whole life for us, all right? It's about time we do something for you.
Aw, you don't know how sweet that is to hear, but I No, no, no, no, no, no.
There are no buts, okay? Now you were the best mom.
You used to let us sneak into R-rated movies.
You looked the other way when you found my Playboys.
You pretended not to notice when we were re-filling the Jack Daniels bottle full of apple juice.
What? I never did any of those things.
And you just described a horrible mother.
Don't matter.
I'm taking over the bar and you don't got a say about it.
Rooster, I can't let you give up on your dreams so I can chase mine.
Even if ranching is my dream, being given a building full of alcohol is a very close second.
Now, I'm taking over the bar.
You don't like it, I'm gonna have to kick your ass.
Like you could kick my ass.
So, can I take over the bar? I guess you are.
Hold on.
I'm not sure I like this.
Well, how 'bout we celebrate with a free beer? But then, life moves on.
Got a little kick.
Oh, my.
Colt, are you okay? Huh? [grunts.]
Oh, yeah.
I just, uh, ate a pepper.
Wasn't even hot.
What're you doing here? Well, I figured we couldn't make time after work, so maybe we can make time during work.
And I just I felt bad for getting pissy about the doctor's appointment.
That's so sweet.
Well, if you were the type of guy to blow something like that off, I wouldn't want to be with you.
Mmm So, when's your break? Oh, fuck! Fuck, that is spicy.
Whoo! - Really? - Yeah! I hardly felt it.
[clears throat.]
Shut up.
A break I I gotta put these cucumbers out.
- All right.
- Yeah.
All right, I'm done.
What do you wanna do? Well does the break room have a lock on the door? It does.
Do you know what I'm thinking? Pretty sure you're thinking about sex, but I'm afraid it's one of them situations where I say, "Sex," and then you say, "Is everything about sex to you?" - And then I gotta act like I was kidding.
- It's sex.
Abby, come on.
Is everything about sex to you? [laughs.]
Fuck, that's hot! - Whoo.
- And it's about to get hotter.
I'm sorry, I really thought that door was locked.
It's fine.
It was their fault, really.
I mean, who throws a surprise retirement party without telling the entire staff? I never want to show my face in there ever again.
I doubt anyone saw your face, Ab.
Well, got the rest of the night off, what do you wanna do? Well, school is two blocks from here.
Pretty sure the teachers' lounge is empty.
I don't think I've ever said this before, but let's go to school! [laughs.]
What're you doing here? Well, I came to return your mother's ring.
'Cause I still remember at the wedding when she said, "This ring stays in the Bennett family whether you do or not.
" Charming toast.
So, I'm leaving tomorrow.
Good luck to you.
Really? That's all you have to say? What do you want me to say? You're running off with some musician like a damn teenager.
I tried to get you to go with me last time, but you didn't want to leave.
This town isn't good enough for you? There's more to the world than this town.
Once in your fucking life, why can't you just be supportive? Because I don't want you to leave.
Okay, well, when's it gonna matter what I want? I don't know what life looks like without you.
I mean, we get separated.
And now divorced.
But you were always close by.
You're the one I'd come talk to when times got tough.
I mean, who am I going to disagree with? Well, you disagree with everyone.
No, I don't.
Beau, I'm not dying.
I'll be back when the baby's born.
I have friends here, and Lord knows I'm gonna have to check in on the boys.
And believe it or not, I'm gonna wanna see your cranky old ass once in a while.
I still think you're making a mistake.
Oh, that was another thing your mother said in the toast.
Just so you know I'm not doing this for a man.
I did that once.
When I left Nebraska for Colorado to come live with a tall, skinny rancher who voted for Jimmy Carter.
Even though to this day will not admit it.
If I had the chance to do it again, I'd do it the exact same way.
Except for letting your mom talk at the wedding.
I wouldn't change anything either.
Except for voting for Carter.
Do you really want this? I do, Beau.
I'm gonna miss you, Mags.
I'm gonna miss you, too.
And I love you, Beau.
I love you, too.
Also, um, the offer fell through on the bar, so Rooster is gonna stop working here to run it.
What? Okay, bye! I'm so sorry.
I had no idea the janitor was gonna be there.
Why the fuck did he try to join in? It's a lonely job.
All right, check it out.
First official pour as a bartender.
Who would've thought I'd be slinging drinks for a living? I feel like you've been training for it your whole life.
Yeah, I was a bit of a child prodigy.
[inhales deeply.]
So, you're not mad? Nah, I'm tired of fighting.
You're making your mom happy and that's a good thing.
Seems like a trap, but I'll take it.
- Hey, guys.
- Hey.
What's going on? Why are you guys toasting? Were you making fun of me? Huh.
Dad did you change your will? Nope.
Still leaving everything to the fucking dog.
What are you doing here? Saying goodbye.
I'm leaving tomorrow.
What? I thought the offer on the bar fell through.
Yeah, it did.
I'm taking it over, so she can get out of here.
You know, some would say best son, some would say favorite.
But the headline will read, "Jameson 'the Rooster' Bennett, motherfucking hero.
" Yeah, so, everyone's just okay with Mom abandoning us? I mean, I'm not excited about it like when you left.
Why are you enabling this shit? Dude, I'm running a bar now.
I'm gonna be enabling all kinds of shit.
Did you hear anything I said to you earlier? No, I heard you, but I don't have to like it.
It's not up to us.
Yeah, hit him, Mom.
He deserves it.
I know this isn't what you want.
No, it's not.
Right now is not a good time for you to go.
Well [scoffs.]
But that's just the thing, Colt, there'll always be a reason not to go.
A baby, a wedding, Rooster screwing up at the bar.
But all those things will also be reasons to come back.
Look, you don't have to like it.
I'd just feel a whole lot better leaving if I didn't think you hated me.
I don't hate you.
I'll never hate you.
I just I'm not gonna apologize for wanting to have my mom in my life.
Okay, I'll take that.
Let's drink some fucking whiskey.
Finally something we can all agree on.
All right.
To the Bennetts, the best goddamn family in Colorado, and to their best son.
[clicks tongue.]
Even when we're apart, we're always together.
[Rooster chuckles.]
[cell phone ringing.]
Hey, Mary, uh, now is not really a good Is everything okay? - What happened? - [glass thuds.]
Oh, fuck, yeah, I'll be I'll be right there.
Everything okay? Uh, Heather's in the hospital.
- What? - There's something wrong with the baby.
Thought you saw her today at the doctor.
I did.
Everything was fine.
I I don't know what's going on.
[country music playing.]

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