The Ranch (2016) s04e09 Episode Script

Welcome to the Future

1 Here's your stuff, Bennett.
Yeah, we'll see.
You had my keys.
Kyle Busch bottle opener.
Denver Broncos bottle opener.
Jesus Christ statue.
Doubles as a bottle opener.
I use the halo.
Sign here.
Where's my TRESemmé conditioner? - This is everything you came in with.
- No.
Ah, of c That's my shea butter and hibiscus oil.
Sign the fucking papers! Hey, Wilkerson.
Why you look so good? You doin' something different with your hair? No, but thank you.
Make a copy of your paperwork, and you can get outta here.
So what the hell happened? I thought you'd be in here for at least a couple nights.
Better call Abby and tell her not to come over.
I don't know.
I was sitting in my cell, definitely not cryin'.
Old Wilkerson comes in, told me they dropped the charges.
So Lisa Neumann caved.
Fuck, yeah! She folded like Kenny Rogers when he knew not to hold 'em.
Here you go.
- Here's your conditioner.
- Ah-ha.
This is Kroger brand.
Fuck you, motherfucker! Cowboys ain't easy to love And they're harder to hold They'd rather give you a song Than diamonds or gold Lone star belt buckles And old faded Levi's And each night begins a new day You don't understand him And he don't die young He'll probably just ride away Mamas don't let your babies Grow up to be cowboys Don't let 'em pick guitars And drive them old trucks Let 'em be doctors And lawyers and such Mamas don't let your babies Grow up to be cowboys [COLT.]
Hey, Daddy.
Guess who just beat Lisa Neumann.
I'll give you a hint.
I'm standing next to a guy with some impressive equipment in his slacks.
It's Colt.
You're outta jail 'cause I just sold Lisa Neumann Iron River.
What? In exchange for her dropping the charges and keeping the dam down.
You got everything you wanted.
Jesus! You sold this place? Okay, Dad I appreciate what you're doing here.
Okay? But I I had this.
You didn't have shit! You were in a goddamn jail cell! Just 'cause I was in jail don't mean I was gonna lose! She had no right to put that dam up.
And a jury would have said so.
Now you go back and tell her the deal's off, and I'll go back to jail.
It's done.
Jesus Christ, Dad! Iron River's been in this family for a hundred fuckin' years! [SHOUTING.]
You just gave it away? She had pictures of you blowing up her dam.
You weren't gonna get outta this.
Well, I guess we'll never know, will we? 'Cause, once again, you just never believe in me.
Are you fuckin' kiddin' me? I just sold everything I had to save your ass! [QUIETLY.]
It wasn't your fight.
If you'd have just left it alone, I coulda saved both of our ranches.
Your whole life is full of things you coulda done.
Just not full of things you have done.
Just gonna move this ax.
I guess we all can't be perfect like you, Dad.
Luckily, we got the great Beau Bennett.
He just knows best for everyone.
If I really knew what was best, you'd still be sittin' in jail.
- [COLT.]
- Hey, Peapod.
Look, I know everything going on with your dad and the ranch.
This is probably not a great idea to do this now, but Here.
Why would you give me Will Vallery's paper on the importance of John Adams' contribution to America? [ABBY.]
That was supposed to be our divorce papers.
What did I give Will? How dumb is this Will guy, anyway? It's not John Adams, it's Sam Adams.
And course he's important, he invented beer.
Here you go.
I'll look at 'em tonight.
Sure you'll be okay with her overnight while I'm on this field trip? 'Course.
Hey, sweetheart.
Look who's wearing their "Littlest Broncos Fan" sweatshirt.
- I could fit you right in a helmet.
Christmas card.
She feel warm to you? She's been fussin' all morning.
- I hope she's not getting sick.
Maybe I should try and get outta this field trip and stay home with her.
Really? [DOG BARKING.]
Look, I know we had our disagreements, but I'm a good dad.
If her temperature goes up, I'll give you a call.
I'll make sure she drinks a lot of fluids.
And, no, it won't be Bud Light, like when I'm sick.
Okay, fine.
Just text me right away if anything changes, but double-check first.
I mean, last time, you called me in a panic 'cause you thought she'd cut her forehead, but you'd just dribbled Arby's sauce on her.
- It wasn't a very happy day for me either.
Last bite of that sandwich was really dry.
Hey, man.
What's up? Well, I got it running, but now the rack and pinion's shot.
All right.
So it won't turn.
Just like my car in college.
Lucky for me, though, we had a bar and a DQ a straight shot from my dorm.
Although it was tough when you picked up a girl at the bar.
You had to hope she lived on Elm.
Or was down to hook up in the DQ.
Yeah, well, it's gonna be a day or two before we can use it.
Although, this might be crazy, but I think the DQ in Curranville might be a straight shot from here.
Oh, shit.
Peyton's temperature.
- What's that thing? - A temperature gun.
Yep, still at 99.
Hey, fun fact.
A worm is the exact same temperature as my balls.
Hey, Colt.
What you doin' here? You see that bad Yelp review about Neumann's Hill? You gonna have to take that up with Bolt Cennett, whoever that is.
Actually, I got let go.
But it's fine.
I have a degree from Texas A&M and over seven years of experience.
And my replacement dropped out of high school and knocked up Lisa Neumann's niece.
His way sounds a lot easier.
Luke Matthews, nice to meet you.
Hey, if you're looking for a job, we're taking on unpaid interns.
I've been here a few months.
I love it.
I'm down about $40,000.
I appreciate the offer, but I'm a buyer for Outback now.
I'm interested in buying cows from you.
- Oh, man, that'd be huge.
- We don't have to hug, Colt! Yeah, we don't have to, but we will.
- Buddy boy! - [CHUCKLES.]
All right, my boss, he's got a bid from Neumann's Hill.
But, I showed him your Crowd Cow thing, and he loved the idea of goin' independent.
He also loved your slogan.
"Let us put our beef in yer buns!" I need 400 head by next fall.
They'll not pay top dollar, but wanna lock in the price now.
You got a fucking deal.
This ranching's awesome! Four Four hundred head.
That's [SCOFFS.]
Well, I mean We'd love to do somethin', but our herd ain't that big.
We can probably do a hundred.
Yeah we wanted to do it all in one shot.
I was in the area and thought I'd ask.
You know, hold on.
I When I was playing quarterback for the Sioux City Bandits, our center was getting married.
"Tiny" Tim Cortez.
Huge guy.
Tiny pecker.
We were throwin' him a bachelor party, right? We couldn't afford a stripper, so the whole team threw in.
And I know 75 bucks don't seem like much, but in Sioux City, Iowa, that gets you a homecoming queen.
I mean, 1973 homecoming queen, but still And And that is why you should buy from us.
What if we did the same thing with the cows? There's a lot of great independent ranchers around this town.
Why don't we all throw in and we do 400 head under one contract? That works for us.
We're doing a deal with Outback.
All right.
Say it with me, Rich.
Outback: Australian for beef.
That's Foster's.
So Now I just want a beer.
Listen, Mr.
Hollister, we're talkin' about Outback here.
It's like the Red Lobster of Australia.
Okay? We ain't never been able to get in with a premium buyer like that before.
And the best part of the deal is that we're taking it away from Neumann's Hill.
And we already got the Kincaids and the Hendersons.
Oh, fuck the Hendersons! I don't even know what they did, but I love that.
This all sounds great, Colt.
- I'm in.
- Fuck, yeah! Mr.
Hollister, I really appreciate you putting aside what happened between me and your daughter to do this.
What happened between you and my daughter? Not a goddamn thing.
Luke, what do you say we celebrate with a toast? Actually, I don't drink.
Well, okay.
I suppose we'll have beer then.
- [BEAU.]
Hey, Roger.
- Hey, Beau! [BEAU.]
What's goin' on? Oh, no.
Your boy Mike get stuck in our well again? No.
Well, I'll check when I go.
I was just finishin' up some business here with the boys.
How you been? How's Maggie? Actually, we're divorced.
I got remarried.
How's Cheryl? She passed away seven years ago.
I'm sorry to hear that.
Well, good catching up.
You too.
Take care.
Mike, you out here? What kinda deal you doin' with Hollister? Teaming up with the Hendersons, the Kincaids.
We're all gonna sell some cows to Outback.
You gotta be careful what you gettin' into.
Ah, here we go.
It's a bad idea 'cause I came up with it.
No, 'cause a lot of things can go wrong you might not have thought of.
Like what? Like when Hollister thinks his cows are worth more.
Or Kincaid shows up ten heads short.
Or the fuckin' Hendersons act like the fuckin' Hendersons.
There you are again.
Offering up your opinion when I never asked for it.
Look, whatever happens, we'll figure it out.
Do whatever the fuck you want.
Good luck.
I been lookin' for you.
I did my best to lure you out.
I made fish and I put on Rachel Maddow.
What are you doin'? Well, since I'm not a rancher anymore, I'm getting rid of all this useless crap.
Should I check the bottom of the pile for Colt? How you doin'? This must be very hard for you.
Lisa was already in charge of my cattle.
I'm 73 years old.
I was gonna have to figure out how to stop sometime, anyway.
Would this have been my first choice? No.
But it is what it is.
Would you like a manure spreader? Wow! You really know your way to a woman's heart.
But, no, thanks.
Hey! You're not really throwing away the Iron River brand, are you? This is just a fuckin' piece of iron now.
I worked this land my whole life.
So did my dad.
And his dad.
For what? So I can sell to a fuckin' corporation, for a kid that doesn't give a shit? If you're trying to tell me that brand means nothing to you, maybe I need that manure spreader after all.
Maybe I was wrong to sell.
Maybe I shoulda just left him in jail.
You ran a ranch for 50 years.
Sacrificing that for your son doesn't mean you made a mistake, it makes you a good father.
Does it, Joanne? Or is a good father one that makes his kid suffer the consequences for his actions? Well, that's easy to say, but he's the only son you have left.
But when does it end? I mean, he's been this way his whole life.
When he was, like, eight, I took him to this stupid pizza joint.
They had all these games and characters.
He kept trying to pull the pants off a mascot.
I shoulda let that giant rat kick the shit outta him.
Look, he doesn't always do the smartest thing.
But he's fighting for what he believes in.
Something you used to believe in.
He's trying to keep this way of life alive.
Don't tell me you think he coulda won.
I have no idea, but neither do you.
I mean, nobody thought he could make the Peterson place work.
He has no money.
He got hit by a wildfire.
He didn't sell his herd and yet he's still standing.
Yeah, until he fucks up again.
Ah! Jesus! Beau! He just got three ranchers to believe in him.
Why can't you? Hey, is that my Keurig in the trash? Uh-oh, that is not good.
Someone's running real hot.
I gotta get you in an ice bath ASAP.
This thing's not a toy.
Yeah, well, neither was my ex-wife's fine china, but it didn't stop me from practicing skeet shootin' with it.
Yeah, she's still at 99.
Got a full belly and a clean diaper.
The only thing left to do is order me a "Father of the Year" beer koozie.
What are you reading? Is that the first time anyone's asked you that? It's me and Abby's divorce papers.
I just keep lookin' 'em over, I can't bring myself to sign them.
Yeah, buddy, I get it.
I mean You're about to say goodbye to someone who a big part of you still loves.
I'm doing the same thing.
Goodbye, friend.
If you're not ready to sign, you should talk to her.
See if you can get back to whatever made her fall in love with you.
I'll start by growin' back that old mullet.
Well, maybe you're right.
I don't wanna give up.
I'll talk to her one more time.
- What's the matter, Peyton? - [PEYTON SCREAMS.]
Yeah, don't worry.
Papa's not gonna grow a mullet.
Though I would look glorious.
- Wouldn't I? - [CELL PHONE RINGS.]
- Oh.
It's Oh, shit, that's Hollister.
- Here.
You take her - Okay.
- [COLT.]
Yeah, all right - Okay.
- Hey, Mr.
- [LUKE.]
Wanna go - look at some stuff? - [PEYTON SCREAMS.]
- Hey.
Hey, what's this? - [SCREAMING SUBSIDES.]
What's that? Is that a birdie? Huh! Is that a cloud? What's that silver thing? Is it an airplane? Or like your Papa Beau would say, [DEEP VOICE.]
"A fucking government drone come to take our freedom away"? [COLT.]
You gotta be kiddin' me.
What about the other ranchers? Unbelievable.
I Yeah, you have a good fuckin' night, too.
What was that about? The other ranchers are out.
We're gonna lose that Outback deal.
What? Why? I don't I.
Apparently, Lisa Neumann found out about the deal, made crazy big offers for all their ranches.
That's bullshit.
We had a deal.
Yeah, well, not anymore.
Oh, my God.
- What the fuck are you doing here? Err, I just need a place to stay.
Maybe you should stay in the truck you stole from me.
I owe you an apology for that one.
No, you Hey, look at me.
- You owe me a fucking truck for that.
- Okay.
If I could turn heroin into a truck as easily as I turned a truck into heroin, I would.
Listen, you gotta leave.
Just go.
I need to get away from the place I'm staying.
Okay? I don't feel safe there.
I'm a fucking idiot 'cause my instinct is to say, "What's the matter? How can I help?" But know what? Let's cut to the chase, shall we? - I've got Let's see 53 dollars.
- No.
Come on.
- There you go, take it.
- I don't want your money, okay? I just need a place to stay.
- [LUKE.]
All right.
Not my problem.
- Luke, I'm scared! Okay? I can't go back there.
- Get the fuck out.
- [HUFFS.]
You're serious? Get your shit and get the fuck outta here! - [MARY.]
Jesus! - You screw me over four times.
You think I'm gonna hang out for a fifth? - Fuck! I don't need your fuckin' money.
- Oh, right.
- Fuck you! - You'll be back All right.
What are you doin'? Don't worry, it's safe.
I tested it out on a Thanksgiving turkey.
Although when I put it down, Drake dragged it into the woods.
But he won't do that with Peyton.
I think.
I'm not worried about the swing, okay? - I'm worried about Peyton being sick.
And you have her out here in 40-degree weather.
- Hey, she likes it.
She's all bundled up, - I got a hat on her.
I took her temperature, it was only 99.
That's only one degree over the legal limit.
You know what? I can't believe this.
I know I shouldn't have left.
Now I can't be alone with my daughter.
You can't be alone with a fucking turkey.
Okay, you're right.
I was wrong.
I'm just a fuckin' idiot.
- That's not what I'm saying.
- Yeah, it is.
I'm not a good enough rancher for my dad, I'm not a good enough husband for you, I'm not a good enough father for Peyton.
I just wish you would think about things before you did 'em sometimes.
Well I think I've thought enough about this, so here you go.
It's over.
It's official.
I know you're mad at me, but I'm not the one who did this.
You did.
Well I guess I got what I wanted.
- [BEAU.]
Hey, Abby.
- Hey, Mr.
See you around.
- You all right? - What do you want, Dad? Dale was over at Kincaid's this morning.
He said your deal fell apart.
So what yeah You wanna tell me, "I told you so"? Joanne says people don't enjoy hearing that as much as I enjoy sayin' it.
So, what's your plan? Probably drink a lot of water, so I don't get dehydrated from cryin'.
So you're just gonna give up on the deal? Seriously? I'm just never good enough for you, am I? First, it's a stupid idea, and now I'm giving up too soon.
I never said it was a stupid idea.
I said you had to be careful.
You know what made you a great quarterback? - My arm.
- God, no.
When a play fell apart, you never gave up on it.
The pocket could collapse, and you didn't panic.
You always saw things others couldn't.
And you'd make a great play out of nothing.
I mean, I had a good arm.
Colt, I'm not gonna be able to tell you what you want to hear about your arm.
I probably never told you this enough, but nothing made me prouder than watching you play.
You never told me that.
Well, I should have.
And I'm sorry about that.
You're not a quitter, Colt.
You never quit on a play.
You never quit on your career.
And you never quit on getting your own ranch.
That's exactly what I was doin' with Lisa Neumann till you stepped in.
And I might've been wrong.
But what's done is done.
That deal you put together with the other ranchers, it's a good plan.
All the other ranchers are out, Dad.
It's over.
And everyone said it was over when you were five points down and had to drive your team 80 yards in less than a minute, with no time-outs, to win the state championship.
But you did it.
Now, figure this out.
And do it again.
Oh, well, at least they all showed up.
Hey, that's the guy who stole your calf and shot at us.
Yeah, that's Toby Henderson.
Fuck the Hendersons! Okay, now I get it.
Toby's a shithead, man, but you can't hold a grudge against everybody that shoots at you in this town.
Hey! How's it going? What's up, fellas? Look, I really appreciate y'all comin' down.
Look, we're sorry about this, Colt.
Oh, no.
Yeah, you ain't got nothin' to be sorry about.
I mean, Lisa Neumann's offering you a great deal.
But I think the the only question is Why is she offering it? Wow! Now, that's a thought-provoking question.
Lisa only made them offers 'cause she's scared.
She's afraid.
'Cause if we can take this deal away from her, we can take any deal away.
This doesn't have to be a one-time thing.
We could do other deals.
You know, chicken nuggets are a big thing.
Why not cow nuggets? Alone, we can't compete with Neumann's Hill.
But together, we can.
This ain't just about fightin' for ourselves, this is about fightin' for our town.
They don't buy their tractors here, they don't buy their feed here, they hire their own vets.
This is our time to draw a line in the sand.
- [LUKE.]
- This is our time to fight for our town.
- I misread the room on that one.
- Yeah.
Colt, I can't worry about saving the whole town.
I gotta worry about my family.
And that money's gonna mean a lot to them.
I'm barely hanging on as it is.
My baler went down this morning.
Okay, all right.
Well, you can borrow our baler.
Right? We don't just have to share deals, we can share resources.
Yeah, like if someone's tractor only drove in a straight line, you know you guys could loan 'em yours.
Yeah Look If this is really about your family, why are you selling your family ranch? My great-grandfather passed down Iron River to my grandfather, who passed it down to my dad.
And when my football career was over, I had a place to come home to.
Then why'd your dad sell? He took the money.
No, he cared more about losin' his son than he did losin' his ranch.
My dad only sold 'cause he didn't feel like he had a choice.
But we do.
Look we gotta save our family legacies here.
Hollister, what's Mike and Kathy gonna do if you sell your ranch? They gonna work at Walmart? Mr.
Kincaid, what about Jack, Becky? You think they're gonna be happy living in their little apartments in the city? Toby, what you gonna do if your dad sells his ranch? I mean, even a shit rancher like you deserves a chance.
Fuck you, Colt! Fuck you, too! [CUSTOMER TALKING LOUDLY.]
What do you say, fellas? [DOOR OPENS.]
Hey! I talked to all them guys again.
How'd it go? They're all back in.
No shit.
It's like leading the team down a football field again.
Guess anything's possible when you got a rocket launcher for an arm.
Don't make me drag out all your game footage, son.
Hey, I I need to say thank you.
Don't thank me.
I didn't do anything.
You're the one that made it happen.
It's not about tonight.
It's about you sellin' Iron River.
Think I understand why you did it.
It wasn't 'cause you don't have faith in me.
It's 'cause you'd do anything to save me.
You're my family, Colt.
Peyton is my family.
This is just a chunk of dirt.
Both know it's more than that.
It's I got an idea.
Jesus, Colt! I don't think I could survive another one of your "ideas.
" [SIGHS.]
Found this in the trash.
Along with a perfectly good Keurig.
Yeah, well, I'm fresh outta cattle.
I don't have a use for a brand anymore.
Your granddad gave this to your dad.
He gave it to you.
I remember holdin' it when I was a kid imaginin' someday I'd put it on my cattle.
You know, Lisa Neumann can buy our property, but she can't take our legacy.
I know my cows don't have the Iron River bloodline.
But I do.
So, I was hopin' you'd be okay if I put the Iron River name on my cattle.
I'd like that.
Thank you.
Love you, Dad.
I love you too, Son.
You know, if this was a movie, we'd probably hug right now.
Yeah, probably would.
You love me more than the Iron River Ranch.
We're not huggin'.
He rides up on his horse And you feel that cold, bitter wind Look out your window and smile Don't let the old man in Look out your window and smile Don't let the old man in
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