The Real Ghostbusters (1986) s02e27 Episode Script
Venkman's Ghost Repellers
1
Ghostbusters ♪
♪There's somethin' strange ♪
In the neighborhood ♪
Who you gonna call? ♪
Ghostbusters! ♪
There's somethin' weird ♪
And it don't look good ♪
Who you gonna call? ♪
Ghostbusters! ♪
I ain't afraid of no ghost ♪
I ain't afraid of no ghost ♪
Who you gonna call? ♪
Ghostbusters! ♪
Who you gonna call? ♪
Ghostbusters! ♪
I don't like this fog, Chief.
We're too close to the parallelogram.
The what?
The New Jersey parallelogram.
Sort of a small, nasty version
of the Bermuda Triangle.
If you believe in such things.
Like I do now.
Whoa.
Chief, sound the collision alarm.
Helmsman, bring us a boat!
The tanker
was last reported 130 miles
west of Ambrose Light.
One, two
In that area known
as New Jersey parallelogram.
This brings to seven the total of ships
that have vanished in that area
since 1980.
Hey, Peter.
What?
Another ship's been lost
in the New Jersey parallelogram.
So?
So we should go out there.
Clean that place up.
Ray, who lives there?
No one. It's in the ocean.
Then who's going to pay us?
Why, I thought it would be nice.
Hi, guys.
Good morning, Miss Janine.
So good of you to join us.
Sorry I'm late,
but I just had to buy this darling poncho.
It's you. It's definitely you.
Well, actually, it's much more you.
Read the label.
"Venkman's Ghost Repeller?"
"Invented by the father
of chief Ghostbuster
Peter Venkman?"
I don't believe it.
He's doing it to me again.
You mean that cute old man
really is your father?
Cute is one way of putting it.
Con man is another.
Oh, I think it's sweet.
It'll make this a family business.
Sweet enough to get us all arrested.
That's fraud, Peter.
I know, I know.
He's made a career out of selling things
that don't exist.
Why me?
Well, maybe they really work.
Hey, Slimer.
Yeah, you.
Hey, toro, toro, toro.
Useless.
It won't even stop Slimer.
Peter, my boy, you're looking well.
Dad! Ponchos?
How could you do this to me?
Do what? No one's been hurt.
They're fine ponchos, Peter.
That's not the point.
They don't repel ghosts.
And they don't attract them either.
What's the big deal?
You are going to land us all
in litigation heaven.
I'll have lawyers following me around
for the rest of my life.
Sir, Peter's right.
What you're doing is illegal.
Son, I don't mean to break the law.
I just bend it a mite.
A smidge.
Besides, there aren't any laws
about ghosts, are there?
No, not exactly, but
Well, then?
There you have it.
Tell you what.
Why don't I cut you in.
All of you.
-Oh, I, I don't know.
-Yeah, well,
it's not really our thing,
you know.
We have ghosts to bust.
And I figured if I could get you boys
to endorse my Ghost Repellers
Forget it, dad.
That's cheating.
You're taking people's money
and giving them nothing.
OK, son, I understand.
I never meant to hurt anyone.
I'm only trying to make the world better.
Like you, fellas.
But I'll stop if that's what you want.
I do, dad.
So long, boys. Miss.
It was nice meeting you.
See you around, Peter.
He's not a bad guy.
He just can't make an honest buck.
He's a con man.
I'm not surprised.
Genetics.
It's in your blood.
There he goes.
Now, Ray.
There's one more.
Swing, batter.
Hey, excuse me.
Which one of you is Dr. Mulch?
I got a delivery for you.
Not us. You sure you want this pier?
It's pier 70.
Deliver to MS. Applegon .
ISS expedition
to the New Jersey parallelogram.
-What?
-Is that it?
Yeah. Thanks.
Say, what is that
parallelogram thing anyway?
An area of extreme psychic turbulence
and dangerous cross riff convergences.
Uh, if you say so.
I can't believe
anybody would wanna go there.
I would.
Yeah, I figured you would.
Not me.
All I wanna do is eat.
Come on, guys.
Thank you, Dr. Venkman.
With your Ghost Repellers,
we should do fine.
My pleasure, Dr. Mulch.
Always happy to further
the cause of science.
When do you sail?
Tonight.
I'm so looking forward to this.
Yes. 10 degrees south.
It's right along here somewhere.
Sir, with all due respects,
there is nothing here.
The parallelogram is a myth.
This fog's hardly normal,
Captain.
Put on your Ghost Repellers.
They'll protect us.
Captain.
No, thank you.
Sir, the Gyro compass
is going haywire.
Whoa!
Whoa!
- Heard from your dad?
- Nope.
Expect to?
Yes. I expect he'll send
a letter from Alaska
saying he's selling
the Eskimos ice makers.
Which one of you is Peter Venkman?
I am. What's wrong?
Three days ago the motor ship, Applegon,
sailed from New York
searching for the New Jersey
parallelogram.
We lost contact eight hours ago.
Wow, Peter.
We would like you men to go in
and bring them out.
We'll pay any reasonable fee.
-Wow!
-Why us, captain?
Doesn't the coast guard find lost ships?
The last radio message spoke
of a mysterious fog closing in,
and then luminous spirits
attacking them.
Ghosts, they said.
Captain, I'm sorry,
but we're booked solid
for the next week.
I get seasick,
I hate the ocean
I have two words for you,
Ghost Repellers.
My dad?
The same.
I love the ocean.
It's big and wet.
And we're going on a cruise, Ray.
Wow!
Yeah, wow.
The coast guard
reported the Ms. Applegonvessel
overdue Tuesday.
Oh, no.
It's all my fault.
Peter was right.
East river marina, and hurry.
We've arrived
at the last reported position
of the MS. Applegon .
What do we do now?
Now we look for a big, thick fog bank.
Like that?
Egon, what is that?
Some sort of energy gate.
Try not to get too close to the lines.
No good.
I can't hold her.
-Hey, what's that?
-Egon, what now?
As long as we don't disappear
we'll be all right.
Oh, nuts.
Hang on!
At least we're past the worst of it.
I wouldn't be so sure, Peter.
-Aah!
-See?
I hate it when he's right.
I've had friendlier nightmares.
Everybody OK?
If we're not dead, I guess I'm fine.
We're alive, or I couldn't do this.
Hey, what gives?
There's enough psychic energy
in here to raise Atlantis.
That thing should be going crazy.
Egon, did you break the meter?
No, listen to me.
I fixed it.
Everything is ectoplasmic energy in here.
So I reversed the polarity on the meter.
Spengs, you genius.
It only picks up reality.
Like us.
Or the liner.
Egon, you get the gold star for today.
How's the boat?
Considering there's no water under us,
she's running pretty well.
What now?
We wait until the meter picks up
a large chunk of reality and follow it.
I got a signal.
How strong?
.04.
No good. It's too small.
For a liner that size it'll have to be
at least six or seven.
Maybe it's a lifeboat.
No. Probably a malfunction.
Keep going.
Go on, beat it.
Follow someone else.
Ahoy!
Dr. Venkman,
what happened?
I don't know.
Say, how do you steer in this stuff?
I don't think I'll be able
to con my way out of this.
Torpedo! Left side!
Whoa!
Whoa!
Egon, what's going on here?
Well, can you imagine
folding yourself?
I guess so.
Do you know what origami is?
Egon, you little maniac.
Are you saying that this place
folds reality?
Actually, it crumples it up.
Things run every which way.
No two lines intersect. See?
Like the Bermuda Triangle?
Except that the New Jersey parallelogram
has more suburbs.
I got a heavy reality reading.
Over there.
Why do we have to tow them?
Anything that moves in here,
moves on its own.
Like the torpedo.
Upside down, vertical, horizontal,
you won't know the difference.
So we have to stay together
till we get out.
OK.
Ahead, five degrees to port.
How much longer?
Egon says we can be out
of here any time now.
As soon as he locates the entrance.
Dead ahead.
Steady. Steady.
This is it.
Hang on.
You did it, you mad scientist you.
Thank you, coast guard.
We'll be fine from here.
Look, captain, isn't that
Boat off your port bow.
That boat belonged to the Dr. Venkman.
wha
He tried to rescue us,
but he couldn't get near the ship.
Peter, you don't suppose he's
Still in there?
Probably.
What do we do now?
I really hate this place.
Hey, Peter, we'll find him.
I ought to leave him here.
It's the perfect place for him.
Nothing here is what it seems either.
What is that thing?
The battleship bismarck.
It was sunk in 1941.
Let's get out of here.
Where's that torpedo when you need it?
Sorry.
Look. Over there.
I'm getting a signal.
Steer for that hole.
That way.
Egon, you idiot.
No, this is right.
Trust me.
We're all gonna die!
I used to hate rides like that
at Coney Island.
Ooh, man.
I think I broke something.
I think I broke everything.
Look.
Oh! Oh! No!
Get away from me,
you nasty little
Back! Back!
Boy, this is hard work.
Watch out!
Boys.
Back off!
No, you don't!
Quick, get them!
Got them!
Uh-oh. That's not all we got.
You OK?
I think so.
What have you got to say for yourself?
Thanks for saving the boat.
I had to put a deposit on it.
What's happening?
Our shooting weakened
the structure of the dome.
It's breaking up.
We've gotta get out of here.
We made it!
All right!
And there goes the parallelogram
once and for all.
What a waste.
If only we could've studied it.
Look, we're the first four guys
to ever single-handedly destroy
a wonder of the unnatural world.
After this, dad,
I hope you'll go straight.
Son, you can count on it.
Anything for me?
Pretty postcard.
Who do you know
in northern Alaska?
It's from dad.
What's he say?
Did he go straight?
Well, he got a job.
He's selling ice boxes
to Eskimos.
Gee, with that kind of persistence,
maybe he should work for us.
Peter, put that down.
Peter. Hey, Peter. Peter!
Oh, Peter.
Ghostbusters ♪
♪There's somethin' strange ♪
In the neighborhood ♪
Who you gonna call? ♪
Ghostbusters! ♪
There's somethin' weird ♪
And it don't look good ♪
Who you gonna call? ♪
Ghostbusters! ♪
I ain't afraid of no ghost ♪
I ain't afraid of no ghost ♪
Who you gonna call? ♪
Ghostbusters! ♪
Who you gonna call? ♪
Ghostbusters! ♪
I don't like this fog, Chief.
We're too close to the parallelogram.
The what?
The New Jersey parallelogram.
Sort of a small, nasty version
of the Bermuda Triangle.
If you believe in such things.
Like I do now.
Whoa.
Chief, sound the collision alarm.
Helmsman, bring us a boat!
The tanker
was last reported 130 miles
west of Ambrose Light.
One, two
In that area known
as New Jersey parallelogram.
This brings to seven the total of ships
that have vanished in that area
since 1980.
Hey, Peter.
What?
Another ship's been lost
in the New Jersey parallelogram.
So?
So we should go out there.
Clean that place up.
Ray, who lives there?
No one. It's in the ocean.
Then who's going to pay us?
Why, I thought it would be nice.
Hi, guys.
Good morning, Miss Janine.
So good of you to join us.
Sorry I'm late,
but I just had to buy this darling poncho.
It's you. It's definitely you.
Well, actually, it's much more you.
Read the label.
"Venkman's Ghost Repeller?"
"Invented by the father
of chief Ghostbuster
Peter Venkman?"
I don't believe it.
He's doing it to me again.
You mean that cute old man
really is your father?
Cute is one way of putting it.
Con man is another.
Oh, I think it's sweet.
It'll make this a family business.
Sweet enough to get us all arrested.
That's fraud, Peter.
I know, I know.
He's made a career out of selling things
that don't exist.
Why me?
Well, maybe they really work.
Hey, Slimer.
Yeah, you.
Hey, toro, toro, toro.
Useless.
It won't even stop Slimer.
Peter, my boy, you're looking well.
Dad! Ponchos?
How could you do this to me?
Do what? No one's been hurt.
They're fine ponchos, Peter.
That's not the point.
They don't repel ghosts.
And they don't attract them either.
What's the big deal?
You are going to land us all
in litigation heaven.
I'll have lawyers following me around
for the rest of my life.
Sir, Peter's right.
What you're doing is illegal.
Son, I don't mean to break the law.
I just bend it a mite.
A smidge.
Besides, there aren't any laws
about ghosts, are there?
No, not exactly, but
Well, then?
There you have it.
Tell you what.
Why don't I cut you in.
All of you.
-Oh, I, I don't know.
-Yeah, well,
it's not really our thing,
you know.
We have ghosts to bust.
And I figured if I could get you boys
to endorse my Ghost Repellers
Forget it, dad.
That's cheating.
You're taking people's money
and giving them nothing.
OK, son, I understand.
I never meant to hurt anyone.
I'm only trying to make the world better.
Like you, fellas.
But I'll stop if that's what you want.
I do, dad.
So long, boys. Miss.
It was nice meeting you.
See you around, Peter.
He's not a bad guy.
He just can't make an honest buck.
He's a con man.
I'm not surprised.
Genetics.
It's in your blood.
There he goes.
Now, Ray.
There's one more.
Swing, batter.
Hey, excuse me.
Which one of you is Dr. Mulch?
I got a delivery for you.
Not us. You sure you want this pier?
It's pier 70.
Deliver to MS. Applegon .
ISS expedition
to the New Jersey parallelogram.
-What?
-Is that it?
Yeah. Thanks.
Say, what is that
parallelogram thing anyway?
An area of extreme psychic turbulence
and dangerous cross riff convergences.
Uh, if you say so.
I can't believe
anybody would wanna go there.
I would.
Yeah, I figured you would.
Not me.
All I wanna do is eat.
Come on, guys.
Thank you, Dr. Venkman.
With your Ghost Repellers,
we should do fine.
My pleasure, Dr. Mulch.
Always happy to further
the cause of science.
When do you sail?
Tonight.
I'm so looking forward to this.
Yes. 10 degrees south.
It's right along here somewhere.
Sir, with all due respects,
there is nothing here.
The parallelogram is a myth.
This fog's hardly normal,
Captain.
Put on your Ghost Repellers.
They'll protect us.
Captain.
No, thank you.
Sir, the Gyro compass
is going haywire.
Whoa!
Whoa!
- Heard from your dad?
- Nope.
Expect to?
Yes. I expect he'll send
a letter from Alaska
saying he's selling
the Eskimos ice makers.
Which one of you is Peter Venkman?
I am. What's wrong?
Three days ago the motor ship, Applegon,
sailed from New York
searching for the New Jersey
parallelogram.
We lost contact eight hours ago.
Wow, Peter.
We would like you men to go in
and bring them out.
We'll pay any reasonable fee.
-Wow!
-Why us, captain?
Doesn't the coast guard find lost ships?
The last radio message spoke
of a mysterious fog closing in,
and then luminous spirits
attacking them.
Ghosts, they said.
Captain, I'm sorry,
but we're booked solid
for the next week.
I get seasick,
I hate the ocean
I have two words for you,
Ghost Repellers.
My dad?
The same.
I love the ocean.
It's big and wet.
And we're going on a cruise, Ray.
Wow!
Yeah, wow.
The coast guard
reported the Ms. Applegonvessel
overdue Tuesday.
Oh, no.
It's all my fault.
Peter was right.
East river marina, and hurry.
We've arrived
at the last reported position
of the MS. Applegon .
What do we do now?
Now we look for a big, thick fog bank.
Like that?
Egon, what is that?
Some sort of energy gate.
Try not to get too close to the lines.
No good.
I can't hold her.
-Hey, what's that?
-Egon, what now?
As long as we don't disappear
we'll be all right.
Oh, nuts.
Hang on!
At least we're past the worst of it.
I wouldn't be so sure, Peter.
-Aah!
-See?
I hate it when he's right.
I've had friendlier nightmares.
Everybody OK?
If we're not dead, I guess I'm fine.
We're alive, or I couldn't do this.
Hey, what gives?
There's enough psychic energy
in here to raise Atlantis.
That thing should be going crazy.
Egon, did you break the meter?
No, listen to me.
I fixed it.
Everything is ectoplasmic energy in here.
So I reversed the polarity on the meter.
Spengs, you genius.
It only picks up reality.
Like us.
Or the liner.
Egon, you get the gold star for today.
How's the boat?
Considering there's no water under us,
she's running pretty well.
What now?
We wait until the meter picks up
a large chunk of reality and follow it.
I got a signal.
How strong?
.04.
No good. It's too small.
For a liner that size it'll have to be
at least six or seven.
Maybe it's a lifeboat.
No. Probably a malfunction.
Keep going.
Go on, beat it.
Follow someone else.
Ahoy!
Dr. Venkman,
what happened?
I don't know.
Say, how do you steer in this stuff?
I don't think I'll be able
to con my way out of this.
Torpedo! Left side!
Whoa!
Whoa!
Egon, what's going on here?
Well, can you imagine
folding yourself?
I guess so.
Do you know what origami is?
Egon, you little maniac.
Are you saying that this place
folds reality?
Actually, it crumples it up.
Things run every which way.
No two lines intersect. See?
Like the Bermuda Triangle?
Except that the New Jersey parallelogram
has more suburbs.
I got a heavy reality reading.
Over there.
Why do we have to tow them?
Anything that moves in here,
moves on its own.
Like the torpedo.
Upside down, vertical, horizontal,
you won't know the difference.
So we have to stay together
till we get out.
OK.
Ahead, five degrees to port.
How much longer?
Egon says we can be out
of here any time now.
As soon as he locates the entrance.
Dead ahead.
Steady. Steady.
This is it.
Hang on.
You did it, you mad scientist you.
Thank you, coast guard.
We'll be fine from here.
Look, captain, isn't that
Boat off your port bow.
That boat belonged to the Dr. Venkman.
wha
He tried to rescue us,
but he couldn't get near the ship.
Peter, you don't suppose he's
Still in there?
Probably.
What do we do now?
I really hate this place.
Hey, Peter, we'll find him.
I ought to leave him here.
It's the perfect place for him.
Nothing here is what it seems either.
What is that thing?
The battleship bismarck.
It was sunk in 1941.
Let's get out of here.
Where's that torpedo when you need it?
Sorry.
Look. Over there.
I'm getting a signal.
Steer for that hole.
That way.
Egon, you idiot.
No, this is right.
Trust me.
We're all gonna die!
I used to hate rides like that
at Coney Island.
Ooh, man.
I think I broke something.
I think I broke everything.
Look.
Oh! Oh! No!
Get away from me,
you nasty little
Back! Back!
Boy, this is hard work.
Watch out!
Boys.
Back off!
No, you don't!
Quick, get them!
Got them!
Uh-oh. That's not all we got.
You OK?
I think so.
What have you got to say for yourself?
Thanks for saving the boat.
I had to put a deposit on it.
What's happening?
Our shooting weakened
the structure of the dome.
It's breaking up.
We've gotta get out of here.
We made it!
All right!
And there goes the parallelogram
once and for all.
What a waste.
If only we could've studied it.
Look, we're the first four guys
to ever single-handedly destroy
a wonder of the unnatural world.
After this, dad,
I hope you'll go straight.
Son, you can count on it.
Anything for me?
Pretty postcard.
Who do you know
in northern Alaska?
It's from dad.
What's he say?
Did he go straight?
Well, he got a job.
He's selling ice boxes
to Eskimos.
Gee, with that kind of persistence,
maybe he should work for us.
Peter, put that down.
Peter. Hey, Peter. Peter!
Oh, Peter.