The Real Ghostbusters (1986) s03e09 Episode Script

Loathe Thy Neighbor

Ghostbusters! ♪
There's something strange ♪
In the neighborhood ♪
Who you gonna call? ♪
Ghostbusters! ♪
There's something weird ♪
And it don't look good ♪
Who you gonna call? ♪
Ghostbusters! ♪
I ain't afraid of no ghost ♪
I ain't afraid of no ghost ♪
Who you gonna call? ♪
Ghostbusters! ♪
Who you gonna call? ♪
Ghostbusters! ♪
So this is the haunted house, huh?
That's what the people who live here say.
Wow, It's great.
Just like in the movies.
So, let's see what's playing.
-Oh, great doorbell, huh?
-Yeah, great.
Uh, We're the Ghostbusters.
Wait, wait, don't tell me,
you're the butler.
We've been expecting you.
Man, this place is pure textbook.
Great attention to detail.
Ho-ho, yeah, great.
May I take your coats, gentlemen?
-No, thank you.
-You're welcome.
Something tells me
we're in for a long night.
I just hope we make it
all the way through it.
Ah! Welcome, Ghostbusters.
I'm Mr. Micawb.
May I offer you some worm wart tea?
Why, yes. Thank you Mr. Micawb.
Nice place you've got here.
What is worm wart tea?
I don't know.
But if it's got a worm in it, I'll pass.
Oh, my, it's cold.
Not to worry.
It will only take a moment to heat.
Oh well, I never cared much
for worm wart tea anyway.
How about some warm yak milk?
-No, you got me there.
-No, thanks.
-No, I never work on a empty stomach.
-I'm highly allergic, actually.
Bello, aren't you going
to introduce our guests?
Gentlemen, my wife, Lucrecia.
Yeah, hi.
Pleased to meet you, gentlemen,
and whatever.
Welcome to our humble home, Ghostbusters.
Please forgive the mess,
but we're in the midst of spring cleaning,
in preparation for a family reunion.
Ptui! Yuck!
Cool it, Slimer, you can play later.
Perhaps, Mr. Micawb,
you could describe
the supernatural problem
you've been having.
We don't have a problem.
Now, Thaddeus,
the Ghostbusters are professionals.
We want them to investigate.
We'll have the problem solved in no time.
Wanna bet?
Nice doggy.
Oh, good doggy.
Nice to meet you.
I wouldn't do that, Slimer.
It might come off.
His name's Patchwork. I made him myself.
Should have followed the instructions.
Father, I finished cleaning
the northwest wing.
Excellent, Lydia.
Perhaps you'll show our guests around
after I've explained about the ghost.
Of course, Father.
As my husband said, our house is haunted.
No, it's not, Mom.
Hush, Thaddeus.
We've tried to get rid of the ghost,
but without much success.
Have you actually seen the entity, sir?
No, but we hear it.
-Is that it?
-No, that's our cuckoo clock.
That's it.
Anyway, with our relatives
coming tomorrow,
we really need professional help.
Ooh, yummy.
So we'd like you to spend the night
since that's the time
the ghost seems busiest.
Will you excuse us for a moment?
Come on, let's take the job.
We could learn a lot about haunted houses.
Man, these people are weird.
If anyone's haunting this house it's them.
Yeah, he's right.
I'm with you, Winston.
I sure don't wanna spent the night here.
Well, folks, I'm sorry, but, uh
By the way, we'll pay whatever the price.
Money is no object.
Well, sounds good to me.
How about you, guys?
This is the ballroom.
Nice. Kind of,
reminds me of Shea Stadium.
This house definitely has
very high readings.
But of a type I've never seen before.
Thaddeus, what happened?
It wasn't me. I just got here.
I trust that kid about as far
as I can throw him with one hand.
Wow. This is great!
Look at all the books.
There's over 3,000 books here.
Some of them hundreds of years old.
I'm showing rising
supernatural activity in here.
Readings remain very strange.
-What's with the books?
-It's the ghost.
He's done this once before.
-What do you think, Egon?
This is an extremely powerful force
we're dealing with here.
So how do we stop it?
-Blast 'em.
-Peter, wait. This might help.
It's the Golden Grimoire. A book of magic.
Hope you're a fast reader, Ray.
Here's a spell that might work.
Nice reading, Ray.
Thanks. It felt right.
-I have a suggestion.
-Go for it, Egon.
Well, I believe it would behoove us
to observe greater territorial degrees
as we disperse our individual energies.
What did he say?
He thinks we'd cover more
ground if we split up.
Looks, kind of quiet in here.
Long as it's not too quiet.
Excuse me?
I didn't say anything.
-Then who did?
-Then who did?
Nice shot, Winston.
Yeah, it was, wasn't it?
Did you get it?
He sought us, Mr. Micawb.
I came to tell you dinner is served.
Great. We're starved.
How is your investigation
going, gentlemen?
Well, not much luck yet, Mrs. Micawb.
But we'll get this spirit
before your family reunion.
-Trust us.
-Oh, I do hope so.
Our relatives will be here
first thing in the morning.
Yum, yum.
Bon appetit, gentlemen.
Just like Mom used to make.
If the Spider Hair Fondue
isn't to your liking
do try the second course.
Spider Hair Fondue?
Oh, boy!
Ancient Tree Mold smothered
in a spicy Bat Breath Sauce.
Low calorie I hope.
What are you doing, Egon?
Making a doggy bag?
I'm saving this for my
collection of spores, molds and fungi.
Yeah, oh!
Hey, anyone in here that doesn't want?
I may never eat again.
The dessert was the worst.
Chocolate moose.
I think I lost a filling
in one of the antlers.
What we need is some fresh air.
What's up?
We're locked in.
Oh no!
Not for long. I've had enough of this.
No need to worry, gentlemen.
That wasn't it.
You've only set off our burglar alarm.
Yes. We feel much safer
at night with it on.
There are a lot of weirdoes
out there, you know?
Krego will show you to your room.
Pleasant dreams.
-We appreciate it.
This way, gentlemen.
Your room, gentlemen.
Sleep tight.
Are you kidding me?
Frankenstein's bride wouldn't sleep here.
I don't know. I think it's, kind of, neat.
You know, I've been thinking
with all these relatives coming tomorrow
maybe we're gonna be the entertainment.
That's an uncomfortable thought.
I scared you, I scared you.
That wasn't funny, kid.
Yes, it was.
I used this to make the sheet glow.
Pretty clever, huh?
Give me that.
Go play with Frankenstein's dog,
would you?
It's one of Ecto's tires.
I mean, it was one of Ecto's tires.
Come on, Patchwork, these guys are lame.
I don't know about you guys,
but something tells me
I'm not gonna get much sleep tonight.
Why not resume our search
for the spiritual entity
so we can retire to our own beds?
I'll buy that. Let's go.
Yeah, let's go. Yeah.
The readings are still very strange.
If this is a supernatural entity,
it's totally different from any others.
Egon, wait a minute.
Maybe it's not supernatural,
maybe it's paranatural.
That's a possibility.
OK, Ray, I give up.
Guys, what's the difference?
Well, supernatural means something
that was once human,
like a ghost.
And a paranatural being is totally alien,
not life as we know it.
Tell me, is that supernatural
or paranatural?
I don't know, but we're about to find out.
-A vacuum cleaner?
-A vacuum cleaner?
You OK, Spud?
Yeah, I'm OK.
There you are.
Mother's looking for you. Go on. Shoo.
Have you found anything yet?
Nothing definite, but whatever it is
it's coming from in there.
Let's check it out.
There's most definitely something
behind this bookcase.
It's probably a hidden passageway.
Houses like this are full of them.
Check it out, Slimer.
How do we get in there?
-Any ideas, Lydia?
-I'm afraid not. Sorry.
The secret trigger could be anywhere.
Hey, a copy of Nameless Horrors
and What To Do About Them.
This has been out of print for years.
Great stuff.
Did you see that?
Ray's whistle. That was the trigger.
Try it again, Ray.
Hmm. Guess I didn't hit the right pitch.
How about getting me
out of here, guys?
Let me try.
There's a lot of weird noises
coming from the end of this passageway.
There's something down there, all right.
Let's find out what.
What is it?
Some type of resinous growth, I imagine.
Hey, aren't you glad you asked?
Sounds like we found
what we're looking for.
Locked. So what else is new?
This key will open any door.
Full stream, guys.
No, don't!
Kid, I don't mind telling you,
you're beginning to get on my nerves.
What are you doing here, Thaddeus?
I'm trying to tell you,
don't go in that room.
And why not?
Well, I was trying to make
a playmate for Patchwork,
and I, sort of, opened up
a doorway into another dimension.
So you let a paranatural
being into our world.
And it's locked in that room.
Boy, are you gonna be in trouble
when Mom and Dad find out.
Patchwork! No! Get away from the door!
What is that thing?
I don't know, but it's big,
it's weird, it isn't happy.
Let's take it.
Watch it. This guy's everywhere.
And I thought nothing
could be uglier than dinner.
Wait till you get a clear shot.
We don't wanna hit the little Spud.
This isn't getting us anywhere.
Our beams don't affect it!
You OK?
Sure, if this is OK.
Uh-oh. We've got problems.
You mean, we didn't before?
Oh, boy, I see what you mean.
This isn't getting us nowhere fast.
No, it's working. Look.
It can only absorb so much energy.
Keep shooting. Full stream.
Egon, I gotta hand it to you,
I knew you'd come up with something.
So what's gonna happen?
It's going to explode in
precisely five seconds.
Explode? We're out of here.
That's right, move!
Is that horrible thing gone?
It didn't belong in our world.
We sent it back where it came from.
One way, I hope.
What was all that racket?
You'll be happy to know,
Mr. and Mrs. Micawb,
that your house is no longer haunted.
No more than usual, anyway.
How nice.
Wonderful news.
And just in time for our guests' arrival.
Come, you must meet them.
You must be the famous Ghostbusters.
Everyone is just dying to meet you.
Hors d'oeuvres?
Don't get too close, it may bite.
Looks like leftovers from dinner.
Yeah, from a year ago.
Most unappetizing.
Oh, good!
Yum, yum.
This is good.
Oh, God!
Get that stuff away from me.
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