The Real Housewives of D.C. (2010) s01e01 Episode Script

Welcome to the District

Washington D.
is the most powerful city in the world.
There's a thin line between politics and social life And it's all about who you know.
Definitely has its code of conduct.
Flaunting money doesn't impress people.
The currency here is proximity to power.
This city is filled with galas and events.
It's important to know which ones to attend.
This town is small.
Everybody has an agenda.
There's social glamour everywhere.
To make it here, you have to watch what you say And watch what you do.
Everyone knows your business, and they will talk about it.
It is not a very forgiving city.
I don't make money.
I spend money.
I give people enough rope to hang themselves, And the smart people don't.
Is my town, and I thrive in it.
I'm after a good time, not a long time.
People have a hard time saying no to me, And that's just been my blessing.
We're super-duper late.
Do we know where we're going? Um, you're supposed to have that in my Calendar, ryan.
You're blaming me? Mom, come on.
I was born and raised in d.
, And I've never left.
We live in mclean, virginia, And we are surrounded by the c.
, Di cheney.
Oh, colin powell living across the street.
It's just an interesting little neighborhood we live in.
Every year, we have a photo shoot to do a holiday card.
Is a political city, And it never hurts to stay connected.
I'm molly.
- I'm glen.
We have a long history of having family portraits done.
- Okay.
- And we decided To bring a little wine to relax-- Awesome.
I'm all about that.
To relax the adults in the group, because That sounds good.
We have a little track record Of getting a little stressed out.
Okay, I understand.
Oh, my gosh, this is so fun, you guys.
Put your head down.
The family portrait is a tradition.
And this family goes way back in d.
My grandfather was arthur godfrey, The legendary tv personality.
And he was very good friends with president johnson.
A lisby He became personal friends with ethel kennedy, D we'd come over, we'd hang out.
Pool parties, and I have fond memories Of hanging out at that kennedy house.
Okay, so now what I want you guys to do Is--is - Guys, come on.
- Ew, it, like, smells.
Okay, look up at me fothesshots.
Some people call me a super mom.
But most days, I'm just trying to keep it together.
This has been so much fun That I don't even need alcohol.
- More cute.
- Mo.
- Flip.
- Okay.
And then a zhush! There you go.
I have five children.
The pride that I feel inside from my kids and my family Is pretty intense.
That's cool.
- No, that's not- - that's not actually acceptable.
- Look at these guys.
I've been married to my husband rich For going on 24 years.
Rich and I met, fell in love, got married, and had children.
Nstn rdth n oater.
I'm gonna ask each of the kids Like, to come up with one word To describe your family.
Just one--one simple word.
- Kind of wide open.
- Disorganized.
disorganized? - Something positive.
- I said open.
Functionally dysfunctional? There is a big difference between living in d.
And living outside on the suburbs.
You can't say you are a native washingtonian And live in mclean.
It just doesn't work.
Most people don't know that d.
Was called The chocolate city.
We went from being known as a city that had A mayor that smoked crack Hbatoin oinckrama backin w he tte.
Hsehe I went to harvard business school, And I met barack obama years ago, And I just knew that that man was going places.
I am a real estate agent with sotheby's realty.
We specialize in high-end homes, At least $1 million.
But we have in our portfolio up to $150,000,000.
You've got to have some money to live in d.
, 'cause it is is not cheap.
Can you tell me again what the price point is? It's $1,250,000.
It doesn't just look pretty.
You know, it's actually functional.
On average, I do about 25, 30 million a year.
- Thank you.
- Thank you.
- Okay.
- Have a good one.
I'm very good at what I do.
Honey baby.
- He - 'sup, 'sup? Oh, my goodness.
- Your favorite.
- Yes, indeed.
Mwah! I've been married for 12 years.
Jason is as funny and silly as they come.
Did you see my picture on facebook? it was so stupid.
So it's a good balance.
He mellows me out.
Mom, I want milk.
I have two beautiful kids.
Heeey! Jason and I are very structured people.
So the kids are on a schedule as well.
Jakey jake.
Morning is gonna be here awfully fast.
I love you, okay, man? - All right.
- All right.
It's okay to be a different color.
- You're this one.
- I'm that one? Why am I that one? Because you're pretty.
My kids say, "you're fun most of the time.
" And I'm like, "okay, I'll take that.
" Mwah! I'm gonna get my hug.
Close your eyes.
Sleep tight.
We got a long day tomorrow.
Walk from the water cooler towards the end of the table.
I run the top modeling agency in washington, d.
That's nice.
Thank you.
Thank you so much.
The only thing I made a note of was her skin.
She was broken out.
Just a little more energy.
She has a great presence.
But she doesn't know how to walk.
- Bye.
- Okay, thank you.
Artist agency Would not be the number one agency for 25 years If we didn't have high standards.
- Hello.
- Ohh.
Glad they break it up and give us a cute guy in between.
There are only so many fashion clients In washington, d.
We cater to the ambassadors, to the dignitaries.
It's a very elite client base.
Mm, you are absolutely fabulous.
I try to be.
There's nothing underneath that shirt but muscle.
Oh, that's good to know.
All right, I'll behave.
Take care, ladies.
That was fabulous.
Thank you, silla.
I love him.
Are you hungry, love bug? My lifestyle has made my children understand That what they have is a blessing.
Well, I have to say, The best part of my day in the casting Was probably all the cute guys.
We wouldn't--we're gonna laugh about that, right, But we know I've never dated a model.
But, the thing is that-- - Well, none that I represent.
I love being a mom.
But I have no desire whatsoever to be married again.
I've been married twice, and having a husband Is like having more children.
I have four already.
Why hello here! Hi, honey.
Oh, my god, look at you.
I love my life.
And having a man is a bonus.
- You look gorgeous.
- Thank you, sweetheart.
- Love that dress.
- I'm a little disheveled.
And ebong just happens to be a six-foot-five, Fabulous bonus.
Mwah! Thank you.
- What are you wearing today? - Real good.
I'm gonna do, like, a very light, Like a cream tone versace.
a versace.
The new d.
Is colorful fashion, beautiful clothes.
You know, you know who this is reminiscence of? Coco chanel.
She always had-- Or, as you saw in pretty woman, The girls were always, like, with pearls And big hats.
- Yeah.
So I spend a lot of time just trying to look good and-- I love to just make an entrance.
President obama, He is-- When we did an event for him for rock the vote, He loves people.
When you first look at me, you think, "god, she has no substance.
" And it was in the oval room, you said.
The oval room.
- Yeah, oval office.
Oval office.
After I talk with them a little bit, They see that I have a heart of gold And there is a whole lot of substance here.
I was the average, normal girl.
Did modeling.
And when I met tareq, He exposed me to a whole different world.
I go to paris for the night for dinner.
He just wowed me.
Wow, this is beautiful.
Oh, my god.
Every little girl wants to be cinderella Or have that fantasy prince.
And I definitely have mine.
That's decorated With eight carats of diamonds throughout.
I was like, "wow, is this too good to be true?" Wow.
Tareq and I live in virginia wine country.
And he's the captain for america's polo cup And owner of oasis winery.
We travel in every day to washington, d.
For business, charity events, Dinners, meetings.
So hotels have been a big part of my life, Making it easier.
Yeah, I just like the convenience.
Oh, they spoiled me.
This just makes it the perfect weekend, right? Chocolate, champagne.
We've spent a fortune in hotels.
Jade, I'm gonna fall off this thing! Mommy! Yow! It's giving me a wedgie! I moved out from the uk 18 months ago.
I grew up southwest of london.
And coming from there to the suburbs of washington Is quite a reality check.
The girls are so excited about moving to america.
'cause all british children Aspire to being american children.
You actually sound american now, Cause you love being american.
Oh, my god, do you have two dogs? Within a month of being here, They're the happiest they've ever been.
You know, this morning when I was with my editor, She said to me, "what do you girls find The most different things about america?" Spelling, definitely.
My first test, I got, out of 20, I got five.
And so, yes, so spelling.
What else? Everything super-sized.
And the people are bigger.
Oh, yeah.
Okay, stay just like that.
I moved out to washington To join my childhood sweetheart, charles.
Head up slightly, darling.
He's a well-known white house photographer.
Stay just like that.
Charles has been photographer for nearly 20 years.
He was with the bush administration Ghfot years at the white house.
Then he was traveling on the campaign With obama for two years.
He's one of the best photographers in america.
Okay, now I'm gonna get you to look straight at me.
I've been writing a book on my travels And my life's experiences.
My book is called, inbox full.
Like a mobile.
It's full of messages.
And a book is all about the journey Of leaving my ex-husband, And the trials and tribulations Of a single mother.
's a very conservative town.
So I'm sure there lots of my book Which will shock a lot of people.
But, you know, uh, hey, we are in washington.
Coming up next - Where's lynda? - This is only sponsors.
I have no desire to ever go to That little goat rodeo.
- It's a great day.
- I know.
It's beautiful.
Amazing, look at it.
Hello, washington d.
The america's polo cup, I planned it with my husband.
And we put on this big day.
- How are you? - Awesome, awesome.
We both did it.
- I'm so proud.
We both did it.
We did it together.
- I love you.
- Oh, I love you too.
The america's polo cup is the kickoff, really, For the season of galas, balls, parties, Cocktails, and networking.
I mean, this is the power players, you know.
This is the who's who In terms of every segment you can imagine.
You'll see senators, delegates, Congressmen, and the ambassador of india, Who's a beautiful woman.
It's a big event.
Ladies and gentlemen, Michelle jones, Appointed by president barack obama.
This game is a true reflection Of the relationships that we have around the world.
Thank you.
Ah, what a blast.
I love you.
You look gorgeous.
Those are great shoes.
It finally comes down to orbit on the field.
Kicks it post on the end of the mallet.
This the best spot.
My role is the people.
I am one of the motivators in the crowd.
I love you.
Oh, I love you.
I am a hugger.
If everybody would just take a minute And hug someone, It can save the world.
Yes, we can.
Boo! - It's so crazy.
My gosh, there's a ton of people, boo.
- It's so crazy.
- It's great.
It's off the hook.
This is a total success.
I love you.
You--we're always together.
- We're always together.
- Always.
Where's lynda? I don't know if she was invited.
Was she invited? - Oh, I - This is only sponsors.
- Okay.
- So she hadn't sponsored, so - Okay.
- Yeah.
- Oh, all right.
Even if she's a friend, I cannot work with people who are not being professional.
- People bought tickets.
- Oh, they bought tickets.
They bought tickets 'cause it helps the charity.
They should have bought a ticket.
Yeah, it's cool.
When I have worked in the past With the america's polo cup, nobody got paid.
It's not good for my business, And it's definitely not good for the city.
A whole lot of other fabulous people bought tickets.
So it's cool.
I just have no desire to ever go back Or be associated with that little goat rodeo.
But you're here, boo.
I'm here, boo.
That's all.
- You're here.
- You know.
Look at this.
Look at the purple hat.
Look at that purple hat.
Look at that hat.
OhMy Washington is very closed doors.
I heard about the polo cup, And I thought it would be a good way for me To meet some people in d.
It's very busy.
There we go.
Oh, my gosh! Thank you for being here.
This is so fun.
It's good to get everybody together.
There's a fly-over.
And some really dodgy clothes as well.
Do--I know.
I love that.
I love that word.
I love that.
"dodgy clothes.
" I--on the beach.
Okay, let's do it together.
Yeah, I'm up for that.
Cat is the new girl in town.
So I wanted to make sure that I let her know That we're excited she's here.
And we made a pinky pact that we'd, uh, I'd take her horseback riding.
Bye, baby.
- Bye.
See you later.
Nice back shot there.
Salahi is there.
Salahi in front.
Salahi shoots.
Booyah! Tareq salahi! There you go, michaele.
He got a goal.
My husband got a goal.
I'm pretty excited.
Oh, michaele is 5,000 miles an hour, Attention span of a gnat.
She's pretty crazy.
Thank you, friends.
Nice meeting you.
Are you coming to dance with me? Yes, I'm dancing with you now.
Edwina is d.
She's a republican, a lobbyist.
A brilliant woman.
You love dancing? I don't really have time.
- Yeah.
- I do a lot of work.
- Okay, let's-- - a lot of lobbying.
- You work a lot, you lobby.
- Yeah.
I did it once, edwina.
did you like it? I liked it.
Um, I went in the-- in richmond, And I lobbied and-- Oh, you lobbied at the state level.
- Yes, at the state level.
- Yeah.
And it was hard.
I really like edwina.
She's a fellow girl lobbyist.
I--I'm working on health care reform.
Out of virginia.
- Oh, yes.
Oh, I'd love to talk to you more about that.
Laser-focused on that.
Oh, hi, girl.
We're hot.
I think we've met before.
I'm edwina rogers.
- Hi.
- So nice to meet you.
- Nice to meet you too.
So where are you originally from? Uh, I'm originally from london.
Or just outside london.
I go to london about every ten days--I love it.
What do you like so much about london? Well, I give a lot of speeches.
And I've worked for a number of senators And a couple presidents.
In britain, we're not that into politics.
- You are now.
- Well, yeah.
I'm here now.
I'm into it.
So, I'll see you guys around the party here.
Sounds good.
That really sounds good.
Nice to meet you.
- How you doing? Doing good? - We're having a good time.
Everybody loves it.
Everyone's having a great time.
Polo in the uk is done in a pretty major style, And a really classy affair.
Probably a lot more money thrown at it.
I was expecting something a bit bigger.
I wasn't very impressed.
Let's do it.
- Okay.
- Cheers, you guys.
Okay, here's to your birthday.
Your birthday dinner.
So who all is coming to this party? I really love cat's energy.
I think she's great.
I love the fact that she's from "brit'ain.
" And I just think she's gonna be in our little circle.
No, we really need to get to know her.
I know.
She's great.
So tomorrow night is my birthday party.
And ebong and lynda, very generously put together A nice group of people to honor me.
Stacie turner is free.
She's gonna join us.
Is michaele coming? Michaele and I go way back.
But I think it would be a little bit strange To have her there.
It's kind of weird to think about her in the mix.
Also, tareq wants us to come stomp grapes.
- Are you in? - I'm sure he does.
He needs the help right now.
It's like October grape stomping, harvest.
Oh, no, I don't think so.
Only the white grapes.
I'm not about the dark grapes.
- Okay.
- I'm not a grape.
- The white grapes.
- I'm a prune.
Coming up next She's losing weight.
She needs to be spoken to.
She' a danger zone.
All right, mama.
Come on.
to the closet.
access denied.
Get out of my way, girl.
One finger only can open this.
The only way to get in my closet Is by putting my left index finger On the key pad.
aaah So lolly moved back home.
She ended up broke, And it's been a little stressful, yeah.
I don't like this fabric.
It doesn't look good on me.
A lot of people think the biometric lock on my closet Is a little extreme.
But when you have a daughter who shares your same size And your same style, You have to take measures into your own hands.
Nobody can get in that closet except for me.
My fingerprint only.
I know, isn't that fun? - I'm excited.
- You know what? I was thinking it through last night, And I felt like I just don't want to exclude anyone.
Who are you excluding? Well, michaele.
I didn't invite her.
- Well, invite her.
- I think I should call her And see if she's In town.
It's very typical of my mom to want to include everybody.
She never wants anyone to be left out.
She tries to include everyone and everything.
That doesn't always work out, but That's kind of her way.
- Mary! - Hi.
How are you? Good.
How are you, beautiful? I'm good.
I have a birthday party That ebong has throw together very last minute.
And I really want you there.
- I love you.
- I know, I love you too.
So can you come? - I'll be there.
- Okay, awesome.
- Love you.
- Love you back.
- Love you.
I feel so much better.
That's great.
Let's bounce.
- Hi, guys! - Hi! Fancy meetin' you here! Hi, beautiful.
You guys are beautiful friends.
Birthday year.
Hello, cat! Look at you, gorgeous.
Mwah! You are so beautiful.
Thank you.
- Ohh.
- You look beautiful.
When I saw michaele and tareq, I just felt like, why are they there? Just wanted to make sure that you were included.
- This is so great.
- I know.
You open those doors to inviting people Let's say that are on a second-tier level, It just seems so Unnatural.
Hi! Ohh Maybe mary was feeling a littleGuilty About not having invited them.
Please be seated.
Please be seated.
We're gonna start dinner shortly.
Please? I've heard say that mary enjoys her birthday so much That she creates an entire month That she can celebrate.
But tonight is about mary.
And I just have to say that, knowing her Has been a real blessing.
So thank you so much, and happy birthday.
Thank you, lynda.
Happy birthday.
How long ago did you guys meet? Oh, it's funny.
I met her two years ago.
I always think it's very entertaining, An old woman with a much younger man.
Especially a man twice her size And half her age.
So, yeah-- He still drives me crazy.
Hey there.
Tomorrow is the black caucus.
- Yeah.
- I'm going to that.
- You're going to the gala? - Yes.
How 'bout you? - No.
- I'm going.
- I'm sure it'll be fun.
Here we go.
I've never been to your apartment, have I? You have to come.
You've been invited 1,000 times, At fashion group, all that.
I met michaele 15 years ago, Before she knew her husband.
She's changed a lot.
You invited me for wine, I remember.
We were gonna have a glass of wine.
We were at that-- - that's right.
At the belgium embassy.
- Belgium.
It had been about six months since I had seen michaele.
And I thought she just appeared thinner.
Michaele, she's always been tall and thin.
She just seems frail.
Are you gonna make a wish? A birthday wish? Any time, baby.
Any time.
I find out that I'm seated net to ted gibson, The guy who charges a bazillion dollars For a haircut for the stars.
I knew for a fact that stacie and ted would hit it off.
Girlfriend, I was just like, I saw that.
You're like what? What? We were having a great conversation here.
You guys are gonna be good friends.
Salons need to integrate.
We have different hair, different needs, But why do we have to be in a different salon? There's a wave to ride here With our new administration.
With the beautiful couple we have leading our country.
I just thought it was, like, ridiculous.
I thought it was completely ridiculous.
Integrations of salons? Mary's a little tipsy.
It's her birthday.
Let's just keep drinking champagne.
- Hi, girl.
- Erika! - How are you, mama? - Mwah! How you doing? - Good.
Well, we are set for tomorrow.
- We are? - janet's chef.
Janet's chef is coming to my kitchen? Yes! Okay Who do you want to come? Since we went to mary's dinner - Okay.
- I think she should come.
"mar-y!" I've been calling her "mar-y" for, like, ten years.
A hoot.
Michaele probably won't eat.
Michaele's like this big around.
Michaele, it's like "here's a little salad, michaele.
" "girl, we're having real food here.
We got" - Hello? - Hey there, cat.
It's stacie.
Hi, stacie.
Do you remember erika from the party? Yes.
She is good friends With a guy named cheo, Who is janet jackson's chef.
And he's gonna be in town, And he is gonna do a cooking class for us tomorrow.
That sounds completely up my street.
Charles is on the road tomorrow with, uh, oh, joe biden, All day and all evening, So I'm a free agent.
- Okay, ciao.
- Thanks a lot.
- Good, good, good, good! - Yes.
Did she say something about joe biden? Well, you know, her husband is, um, The white house photographer.
So she was saying - Hot, hot, hot.
That he was shooting joe biden all day.
Okay, well, that'll be fun.
So I think-- good choice.
- Cheers.
- To fun.
You know what I was doing yesterday? - Yes.
- I flew to north carolina.
- And then you drove back.
- And then I drove back.
Every time I looked out the window, I could have sworn I saw someone Playing a banjo.
Um, bum, bum, bum, bum.
It was just like deliverance.
Um, darling, what was last night like? - It was great.
- What was it, anyway? It was mary's birthday party.
Give us some juicy gossip.
What--what are all these people like? Mary, mary's wonder woman.
She's got five children And about 15 million businesses.
And, uh, and still looks fabulous.
And, uh, lynda's tiny and very petite And is very sweet, With this giant boyfriend.
Michaele and her husband tareq, who you'll like.
Tareq? What's his deal? He is the captain of the u.
Polo team.
- Whoa! - And he's got a, um - That's pretty incredible.
- His wine vineyards.
Michaele, I'm kind of in a The jury's out.
How funny.
Is very closed doors.
And the fact that charles is away Makes it even harder for me.
But, thankfully, I managed to make some really good friends.
Suddenly, d.
Is a much better place to be.
Anyway, it was good fun.
All right, so I'm just gonna sit out here, And I'll help you choose.
Or you don't need me, do you? I'm a grown-ass man.
I can dress myself.
You always need my input, though.
That is true.
Rich got an email from washingtonian magazine Saying that he was chosen As one of their style setters this year.
First look.
I don't see you in red right now.
Red is a-- is for later in the season.
I really do look like I'm coming out with these pants.
Why do you think you even got this award? The washingtonian magazine publisher Is one of my best friends.
I mean, I want to make kathy happy.
This is very nice for her.
She's really-- Hookin' me up.
I think it's laughable that I get picked As a stylish person.
It's not like you're most stylish.
You're a style setter.
When mary looks at rich, It's either with, like, little sparkles in her eyes OrDaggers! I think you need to be proud, And I think you need to own it.
Yes, ma'am.
All right, well, we got to hustle.
Okay, hon, you ready? I am.
I am.
Aww, you look great.
Very nice.
I think it's a good choice.
Is this the ass of a 45-year-old man? I don't think so.
What do you think? Very rock 'n' rollish.
Are you nervous? Are you like a dentist? I gotta talk to you with my mouth full or something? Can I get your dandruff? Okay, let's go.
We're late.
All right.
We are late.
Bye, guys! Be good! Yeah, whatever.
excuse me? BratsWhat did I just hear? bye! Behave.
Love you! The washingtonian style setter party Is usually comprised of politicians, Professionals athletes, Successful business people, AndRich amons.
Very proud of him.
He's hot! Look at him.
Sanju bansal is a washington style setter.
For showing that a busy father of five Can also be a trendsetter, Rich "ahmans" is a washingtonian style setter.
The name is pronounced amons.
Come on, this is your honoree.
Let's get it right.
Whoo! thank you.
And a bag, and a bag.
Thank you.
Aw, look at him.
So cute.
Three hours a week, that's it! Yay, big daddy! Ohh! - Look what I won! We have one more award.
So lynda erkiletian Is a washingtonian style setter.
- You are so sweet.
- Thank you.
- Okay, darling.
- Okay, first of all Look how hot this is.
Girl, this shot is hot.
Lynda and paul have known each other For a long, long time.
And I love paul.
When I first met paul wharton, I just loved being with him, And he made me laugh.
So we became very close.
And it was kind of like people were like, "is he straight?" And I'm like, "are you kidding me?" Now, listen.
I was in my most fabulous polo gear For the polo cup.
- Boo! - It's so crazy.
Oh, my gosh.
Where were you? No, I pass.
But I heard it was beautiful.
I was never planning on being in town.
You bitch.
Darling, don't you start.
Don't you start.
Because I was like-- - Don't you start.
- Because--no! 'cause you know that I wasn't coming.
Okay? So don't you start.
Michaele, fly.
She was awesome.
She was like-- - she's that big.
Her metabolism is like soFast.
You know, I love michaele.
She's coming over to my house tomorrow.
Oh, excellent.
We're gonna try on clothes for the fall gala season.
Well, there's nothing that's going to fit her.
You think she's too skinny? She's always been that-- She is--no, she has never been this skinny.
So she goes- - her face looks good.
Honey, I can count Her bones.
When you're fitting her with clothes, It's a perfect opportunity To say something like, "this would look so much better If you put a little meat on your bones.
She's losing weight to a degree That she needs to be spoken to.
She's a zero.
She's in a danger zone.
Coming up next on the real housewives of d.
C You don't like tyra? She's just hideous.
Hideous? She struts like this.
"and you ain't got it goin' on, baby!" Boo, I got you clothes.
Yeah! Paul wharton is a great friend to me.
He's a big personality in washington, d.
We do a lot of fun events throughout the year together.
Put your hands in it.
Put your hands in it.
This is nice.
I feel bad for the ones in the recession, But this is not that kind of situation.
This is--this is not a recession rack, okay? Oh, wow.
Oh, look at this christian dior.
This is - Oh.
Not a lot of women can wear this.
- Ohh.
- Yes.
This is gonna lay over your curves.
Yeah, you gotta do your little walk.
I gottaOh.
It's the super model.
- I got it.
- Okay.
- Ooh.
- Ooh.
We're going.
Work it.
- Yes, hey.
Here, this is so fun.
I love this.
Do it, baby! Do it! You look great.
- Yum.
- So tell me about last night.
Let's sit.
- Come, come into my boudoir.
All about it.
So, listen There was one thing that happened last night.
- Okay.
- That I-- That I have been asked to talk to you about.
You can talk to me about anything.
Lynda came over to me and she said That she was very concerned about you.
- Oh.
- And your weight.
And she said, "will you please talk to michaele, Because I see every bone in her--" That is so funny.
In her chest.
And-- She's checking me out really good.
I'm--I don't know how I feel about that.
She apparently counted every bone.
You know, I don't see it.
I said, "no, it's fine.
" and she says, "no, paul.
"listen, from the time I last saw her, She says you've lost ten pounds.
" Okay, why is paul telling me this, first of all? Second of all, lynda shouldn't be concerned with my weight.
But she-- boo, do you eat? Um, I'm healthy, I'm happy.
I've always been thin.
Why always pick on the skinny girl? Yeah.
Why us lynda doing that? Why? She's, like, obsessed to talk about me.
Like, just leave me alone.
Okay, stop fretting over the table.
It looks fine.
See, is it red, white? Big, little, yeah.
So switch those two.
- Yeah.
Good? - Yes, I think it's beautiful.
ah! Perfect timing.
- Perfect timing! You get the door.
- Mary! - Hi, girl! How are you? hi.
Oh, cheo! nice to meet you.
So cheo is on the west coast.
And he is janet jackson's personal chef.
Uh, he will be my personal chef for the evening.
And yours too.
Cat! Erika's here too.
She's been-- - hi.
She's been helping put everything together.
Mwah! Halle berry Eat your heart out.
Hi, you guys.
Nice to be here.
- Erika.
Hi! To open the night, We're gonna have a shot of sake.
- Ooh! - Oh! I'm not big on sake, actually.
But I--but I will have a little.
Cheers to Girlfriends and cheo.
Cheo! - Cheers.
- Thank you.
That's good.
That face! Ha! - Different.
- Ugh.
It warms the soul.
My husband charles Had a very busy day in the office yesterday.
At the white house, right? - Check this out.
- Shut up.
Wait a minute, why is joe biden Looking like a rock star, okay? 'cause he's hanging out with my husband.
- He's got-- - that's charles.
Wait a minute.
Chillin' With joe.
They got the shades on! Aviators on, sort of chillin', right? That is soCool.
He's being super cool, Sitting in the back of a stretch limo With the vice president.
That's cool.
How did you land a rock star like that? Timing, darling.
It's all about timing.
And destiny as well.
So I've been dying to hear the story About the romance with you and your husband.
We met when I was 18.
And I didn't see him again Until last January.
And I wanted a refund for the last 18 years of my life.
3, 2, 1--new life! Wow.
He's on the campaign trail.
He's with obama until 2:00 in the morning.
Did obama know about you and the whole romance? Obama and all his crew Knew the romance from day one.
- Ohh.
- Oh, my god.
That's cool.
So they're that close? - Yeah.
- Charles, hook it up.
- Yeah.
- That's cool.
But I've yet to meet him.
So he knows about you, but he doesn't know you.
He lived our romance with charles.
Okay, so you need to have a party.
You need to invite him over, and we'll all come.
So, chef, who else do you cook for? Cooked for tyra banks.
- Ooh.
- Cooked for Oh, no, poor you.
Actually, I cooked for patrick ewing.
Poor--did you say "poor you"? Yeah.
You don't like tyra? Oh, no.
Oh, I love tyra! Tyra banks is like She's the most important woman on the planet In everything she does, wherever she goes.
And it's really dramatic and, yuh! Yuck.
Why? Why, why, why? She's justHideous.
Hideous?! She's beautiful! Yeah, I wasn't talking about the way she looks.
She's beautiful, but she's hideous.
I wouldn't want to cook for her.
I wouldn't want to do anything for her.
I like her.
I like her a lot.
I like that she's a good business woman.
- Yeah.
- I'm sorry.
No, she's like business woman extraordinaire! She's just like this.
"and you ain't got it going on, baby! I should get your ass home.
" Oh, my god.
I was shocked.
- She's just really-- - nah.
Yuh! Those girls were definitely a little offended.
The whole room got a little awkward.
Hey, don't be so surprised.
We've all got opinions.
I'm an opinionated person too.
But she's got me beat by far.
- Whoo! - Okay, we're on to the next.
To the next.
It's getting hot up in here.
Okay, wait, wait! Excuse me.
Get back to this.
Let's get back to this.
Charles won political photographer of the year.
And the inauguration photograph Where obama's standing in the tunnel Before he comes out to be sworn in, With his eyes closed.
That shot.
Cat was clearly Trying to shift all of the attention to her.
Charles' photographs Contributed to him being elected.
And it's-- and it's traditional For the president to come for the award.
And so obama doesn't turn up, And bush was there to congratulate charles On numerous awards.
Which, I'm sorry, I've been really impressed by you And all the hope you give america, But, you know what, obama? You've just gone right down in my estimations, you know? Bush would always be there.
When she implied that bush was a better man than obama, I damn near choked on my food.
Given that her husband works for obama, I didn't think it was that smart.
Bush r.
'd our wedding.
- Which - Really? Obama didn't r.
- Heaven forbid.
- I know.
Uh, he's running a country.
- No, that's nice.
- Yeah, I know, you know-- - What do you think? - What do you think, cat? Believe you me, I'm aware of all the mistakes he's made, But I didn't talk to him about the war in iraq.
George was almost like a father figure to charles In lots of ways.
All of my experiences have been on a personal level.
As a gentleman, he's a class act.
Coming up next George bush forced everyone to agree-- I like george bush.
You like tyra banks.
I am not fan.
We can agree to disagree.
As a gentleman, he's a class act.
- I agree.
- Oh! Come on.
Cat, I'm with you on that.
I'm not gonna get into it.
I know, we're not gonna get into it.
She, like I, respect george bush as a man.
You should judge your leaders by their policies, Not by whether or not they r.
'd to a wedding.
George bush forced everyone to agree-- I like george bush, you like tyra banks.
You know, it's okay.
Everyone was pretty surprised That I have such a high opinion of george bush.
But I don't really care.
There are some social etiquette rules Here in washington.
You try not to let politics get personal.
And cat is a straight shooter.
She says it like it is.
Cat started bashing obama and tyra banks.
And they all happen to be black.
And it was just a little bit off-putting.
Let's keep-- we just won't talk policy.
I agree.
- I think people are different.
How are we getting on, chef? But as a policy, it's whack.
'cause I am gonna try that tuna.
'cause it actually looks amazing.
She's just very brash, And I find that borderline rude.
I am not a fan.
This season, on the real housewives of d.
C An r&b superstar with a record coming out Hook a bitch up.
Wow! We still got it.
We're still rolling.
"his smile was so delicious, He made my body buckle.
" I'm definitely having a hot flash.
I can't believe this is your life.
It's actually called The penile volumetric measuring device.
Is this where the white guy leaves the conversation? That's an insult, That I have an eating disorder.
Talk to me, if it's something about me.
- Excuse me.
- No, excuse me.
Oh, this gonna stir up some .
Tareq and michaele are big ballers.
And they haven't been paying their bills.
Oh, my gosh, we're going to paris! The salahis are going to be hanging with the turners! Whoo! I was adopted.
I found my birth mother.
You found your mom? Oh, my god! Tareq, I know you're american, But let's have some manners.
Let's love everybody.
Love is better than being bitchy towards everybody.
I'm really pleased that everyone else is faking it, 'cause I can't fake it.
WhoCares? You just told a mother that her daughter Is potentially being accused of something That the f.
Is involved in.
You better god damn believe it.
I don't know what the is going on.
Seriously, just chill.
'scuse me? I'm very angry with him.
We snuck in and had no tickets.
You snuck in To the congressional black caucus dinner? We snuck in the side door.
Oh, no.
All of sudden, Five or six secret service guys Come over, and they're like, "you can't be here.
" This is a hush-hush party.
How lucky are you that you got invited? You're going to to the white house tonight? Yes! This couple is being investigated.
They told me that there's no hugging.
That's so hard for me.
The constitution protects fools.
It's bonnie and clyde.
They're gonna go down together.
I got in it for better or worse.
I've stayed because I love tareq.
I've seen scandals galore.
But this one takes the cake.
I respectfully assert my right to remain silent.