The Regime (2024) s01e03 Episode Script

The Heroes' Banquet


AGNES: Alain?
What did I say? What did I say?
Three distinct soils from
three distinct local ecosystems.
That's what the Corporal asked for.
That's what it's gotta look like.
Christ, can't we just
slip her some blinis?
If you want the Foundling Guard
to play marimba on your gonads, yeah.
I can't keep on like this.
Dressing like a
peasant, dishing out slop
whilst the goon squad does me
a colonoscopy with their eyes.
Buck up, Malcolm. You might
get fired by lunchtime.

Lift your arms.
Oh, yes, it's tingling.
- Yes.
- Yes, I can really feel that, actually.
- It's supposed to be.
- Mm, yeah, it's lovely.
What is this? It's not boiled.
Um, no, sir.
Uh, sautéed, uh, in butter.
You have shit in your ears?
I said boiled and salted. Take it back.
Come on, take it back,
your fancy French bullshit.
This crunchy one has got a bit
of, um, zing to it, hasn't it?
- Mm.
- I-I know I'm a broken record,
but are you sure it's safe to eat?
- It can't be nutritious.
- HERBERT ZUBAK: Oh, it's very good for you.
It's what we used to
eat when we had nothing.
Yes, but we don't have
nothing now, do we?
We, in fact, have quite
a lot of something.
That's exactly your problem, my friend.
- Your friend? I'm not your friend
- ELENA: No, no, no, no, no.
Come on, Nicky.
We trust Herbert's
folk remedies, don't we?
They cured us of the
wretched mold, after all.
- We'll go over more cuts later, right?
- ELENA: Yes.
The great culling of the fuckwit army.
A-Actually, on that point, um,
the staff is growing a
bit jumpy with the firings.
S-Sorry. The contractions or wh
Um it-it's all a bit brutal.
- It's good.
- Not hugely terrific for morale, is it?
Well, sorry, Nicky, but we can't
have dead weight on the payroll.
You know, we need a lean operation.
- No baby fat.
- And no leeches.
Lenny, I have those
financials for you to review.
- The thing.
- What thing?
The thing. You know, my love
the Belize fund.
No, later. Later, yeah?
Now, I have to make preparations
for Daddy's birthday.
You can handle the, uh, cabinet
meeting by yourself, can't you?
- SINGER: So, are you going to tell me?
- SCHIFF: Tell you what?
Why you are dressed like
an effete goatherder?
I have no idea what you mean.
Oh, my God, Victor.
Don't tell me you've gone
rural to please him. Hm?
SCHIFF: Beg your pardon, certainly not.
Trying to dodge the boot, huh?
Why don't you go and show the Corporal
your imported silk undies, too, eh?
- Mr. Ploughman? See how he fancies those.
- Oh.
Oh, you look exceedingly well, Corporal.
I will be leading the meeting today.
Oh, I trust the Chancellor is well?
She's fine.
I see. Well, glad to hear it, Corporal.
actually, we have a
small gift for you, sir.
It's a bejeweled Frankish sword
in the style of what historians believe
the Foundling himself would've had
- I don't need your fucking sword.
- Yes, of course.
So Chancellor Vernham
asked me to read you this.
"Corporal Zubak and I have decided
jointly on a package of reforms,
one that is pursuant to our policy
of improving the lives
of working families.
Greed and foreign money
must be stricken from
our national character.
And we shall introduce a new policy:
Large-scale transference
of private property
from the landowning elite
to the working classes.
We must enact these broad
reforms as soon as possible."
I-I say well done, Corporal.
So, it's land reform, is it?
That's what I said.
So then you'll know of the
risks involved in land reform?
Traditionally, economic
slowdown, food scarcity?
You'll have brushed up on
your South African history?
I said we are doing it.
(CHUCKLES) Then we'll look into it,
once we have the Chancellor's go-ahead.
No, you already have it. I
just fucking read it to you.
No, (CHUCKLES) of course,
of course. It just
I just meant her
official comp-compliance.
You will start planning it
now because I told you to.
You understand?
Yes, (STAMMERS) yes, of course.
Certainly, sir. I-I'm sorry if I
Remember what happened
to Emil Bartos hm?
- Yes, sir, but
- That was just the beginning.

Very well, Corporal.
Thank you. We'll get
started on everything.
Well, my friends, all
hail the Foundling's heir.


ELENA: My loves,
from atop our proud mountain peaks
and over the fields of
flowering sugar beets,
we hear the song of our ancestors.
They beckon to us, calling us homeward
to the values and traditions
we once cherished.
And in their simple joy and wisdom,
we discover the sacred
and self-evident truth.
This beloved land must belong to you.
So, very soon I will deliver
what previous Chancellor
Edward Keplinger
failed to deliver: A
comprehensive program
of land reform.
I will take back
what the fiendish
oligarchs stole from you
and eradicate rural poverty forever.
shall your labor be forsaken.
Never again shall our dream be denied.
Cut it. Was that good?
- HERBERT: Perfect.
- Was it? Are you sure?
- HERBERT: Perfect.
- Wasn't too earnest?
Lovely, lovely, ma'am.
Uh, we will need to discuss
how we budget for this.
It could require dipping
into the holding company.
ELENA: Uh, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no. We keep all that separate.
Thank you, Mr. Singer. Herbert?
HERBERT: It's fucking great, right?
Just like in our dream, remember?
Hm? Yes! No, yes. No, exactly like it.
Yes. Land reform.
Chunky words. Exciting.
I'll spare a thought for the Americans.
They'll be in fucking fits over this.
No, Elena. We don't think
about them anymore, alright?
They are gone now. It's just
us and our people right here.
(CHUCKLES) No. No, of
course. Only being puckish.
NICHOLAS: Oh, here you are, my love.
They brought your tea.
Shall I pour us some?
I've been thinking, Lenny.
It-It really punches
through, land reform.
- Yes, I think so.
- Yeah. The Robin Hood of it all.
- You do see the problem, don't you?
- The problem?
You can't be Robin Hood and the king
at the same time.
- The holding company, Lenny.
- I can do both.
Both? No, you-you can't
give the country back
while continuing to stash
half of it in your purse.
We skim a little cream
off the top. It's fine.
It's more than a little cream, my love.
Surely she doesn't mean "reform"
in the most literal sense
of changing the form of what is?
She doesn't care what she means.
She would bankrupt this country
if that Belligerent
Buffalo tells her to.
- The plan was always to elevate him.
- SINGER: Elevate him, yes.
Not turn him into Herbert
the fucking Terrible.
It is because of him that
our cobalt mines lie dormant.
Because of him, our GDP is
shrinking like a sphincter.
He has made the American cash cow
leave for greener pastures.
She'll lose interest. She always does.
What if this time, she doesn't?
I'm working on it.
Madam, as per your request,
I've compiled a full report
on recent American media
trends and intelligence chatter.
And the dominant
conversation, of course,
continues to be Taiwan.
With tensions escalating,
the U.S. State Department's
attempting to engage China
Oh, no, let's start with Europe, yeah?
Well, eh, uh, yes. Yes, of course, um
Well, uh, we've seen increased focus
on Germany's troubled markets
No, no. Closer to us.
- Closer than Germany, Madam. Yes.
- Mm-hmm.
Well, the U.S. continues
to eye opportunities
for investment in the Faban Corridor.
Now, our assets in the
region are monitoring
But nothing on us, no?
No fun crackle on, um
Oh, God. Kansas frump?
You know, what's her name?
Um, Ho Senator Holt.
Well, Madam, I would say
the new isolationist policies
devised by Corporal Zubak and yourself
appear to have succeeded.
You and your government
figure minimally in
American media of late.
- Hm.
- It seems as though that they've moved on.
Which is what you wanted, of course.
Yeah, of course.
Happy almost birthday, Daddy.
Christ, (CHUCKLES) look at you.
Painted up like a Dutch whore.
Here. These are dead. You're dead.
Lots in common. Much
to discuss. (SNIFFS)
(SCOFFS) Well, we've
gone very rural here.
You're going to hate it.
Well, tough tits.
Oh, stop looking at me like
that. I'm f I'm fine.
I'm better than fine, actually.
I've just, um, well, I haven't been
sleeping well, that's all.
And, uh, it happens to be a
terrific idea, land reform.
Yeah. It's not weak or boring.
You're, you're, you're wrong.
And just because it
isn't big enough for you.
You and your Faban
annexation pipe dreams.
(SCOFFS) Fuck.
This is the real
world, Daddy grow up!
And you're wrong about Herbert, too.
Yeah I'm fully in
control of that situation.
- Yes, I am.
What's the matter?
Oh, do you feel threatened?
Because he's a real man?
And you're a dried-up old cricket
with teensy little balls.
Oh, you're jealous?
Is that it?
Is that why you're trying
to drive me mad, like Mummy?
Well, it won't work.
(SCOFFS) I am father-inoculated.
I I spit you out, I
refuse you, I reject you
because you are fucking pathetic!
No, no. I'm sorry. Sorry. No, sorry.
Just, uh
Let's just forget about
it, shall we, please?
Yeah, I don't want to spoil
your big day tomorrow. Sorry.
Sorry, Daddy.
HERBERT: Warm up, Elena.
- Come on!
- Alright. God.
Shoulders back.
Come on, from the hips, from the hips.
- Here Here.
What is it?
Nothing. I'm just, uh, I'm fine.
I'm just a bit tired, that's all.
HERBERT: A bit tired?
I was just
talking to Daddy earlier
- I just was thinking, is it,
(GRUNTS) is it right, land reform?
Is it what we need?
No, it is. It-It, it
is. I-I think it is, yes.
I just I don't want the
rope going slack, that's all.
No, I-I-I, I do think it will work.
Yes, I do like it.
No, what are you doing?! God, wh
- Come here.
- What?
- Come here. Get on the floor!
- Ow, ow!
- Ow! Ow, my hand!
- Come on, get down!
- Next to the vent!
- You're hurting me!
- Closer to the vent.
- No, no, no, no.
Come on, no. Right next to it.
- (CRIES) No, no, no!
- Right next to it!
Come on, breathe. (INHALES)
Come on, breathe your fuckin' poison!
- Come on!
(MUFFLED) No, I can't! I can't!
I'm sorry. (CRIES)
I can't.
I can't do it. I can't.
Elena, you cannot do it
because you are not cured.
You are still sick in the head.
It's not inside these walls.
It's inside you. Let it out.
- What?
- Really let it out.
Tell me everything.
What are you hiding? Tell me everything.
Oh, God. (HEAVY BREATHING) Everything?
Oh, well, fuck me. I don't know.
Where would I begin?
It's, it's everywhere. There's Right.
Slush funds in Belize,
state bank, the holding company.
Fucking a billion or more in assets.
My name, Nicky's name
through our partners.
Thousands, thousands of fucking strings
of-of-of money,
purloined from local businesses,
farms, pension funds.
- Just, just, just shit I can't ever unravel.
- Mm.
It's just, I have made
such a fucking mess.
I'm sorry. (GROANS, SIGHS)

Ouch, that hurts.
Poetry has always been the lifeblood
of any thriving civil society,
and with the blessed
help of our government,
these poetry centers
shall be the fountains
from which our national
spirit might quaff,
if I may say poetically.
What is it?
- What the fuck happened?!
- She's alright.
- Well, Elena, what happened?
- Oh, thank you
Look, I'm fine. This is ridiculous.
We were exercising, and I-I overdid it.
This is unacceptable, Corporal.
You can't push her like this.
She hasn't been eating well.
HERBERT: She's been eating well
for the first time in her life.
I'm f I'm fine.
(SIGHS) I just slipped.
It's that gym floor, Nicky.
It's like a fucking dolphin's back.
Okay. Fetch Agnes. We're getting
the Chancellor a proper dinner.
- Uh, no, you're not.
- Now listen, Corporal,
I've been very patient with your
process these past few months,
and I believe we've
accommodated each other
with as little friction
as can be expected
under the circumstances.
But now my wife's health and
happiness have been jeopardized.
HERBERT: No. She's
happy and she's healthy.
The only one who is not is you.
NICHOLAS: I beg your pardon?!
Oh. Oh, just stop it, you two!
If my energy is low, it's
because I'm not sleeping.
Not sleeping?!
You're a housecat on opium, darling.
- She's not sleeping well.
- It's true.
It's your twitching, Nicky.
It's your hypnic jerks.
Well, how can I sleep with
all that foot jiggling?
- NICHOLAS: Well, why didn't you say so?
- I'm sorry.
It's just Well, we had a little chat,
and perhaps you and I
ought to try a night apart.
What-What do you mean?
I just need to regulate, Nicky.
I-I don't understand.
Is this just for tonight?
Yeah, yeah. Just for tonight.
Just a night, or (STAMMERS) a few.
And this is your idea or his idea?
HERBERT: It's our idea.
(STAMMERS) It's Herbert's suggestion,
- which I agree with.
Pardon me, Madam. How can I help?
Hello, Agnes. You would like
to know how you can help?
Yes, Corporal, if you please.
Yes, I do please.
I please to (YELLS) fuckin' hang
you out that window by your ankles!
(SOFTLY) Oh, God.
What is it that's your concern, sir?
Elena nearly died sliding on
that ice rink you call a gym.
- Herbert, please, I-I
- No, it's alright, madam.
Corporal, I can assure
you that the gymnasium
and indeed every inch of this palace
has been maintained to the standard
to which it's always been maintained,
which is to say, the very highest.
Mm, you harm her again, we send
you to the zoo as lion food.
Do you understand?

Yes, Corporal.
Think we understand
each other quite well.
Get out!
Oh, God. Out! Everyone, please.
I just I'm getting an early night.

AGNES: Alright, everyone, eyes up.
Eyes up.
Good morning.
Madam and Corporal Zubak
have asked that the menu
for Joseph's birthday dinner
include "folk cuisine of
thorough and rigorous nutrition."
- My condolences to your whisks.
(QUIETLY) Almost out of Oskar's pills.
(QUIETLY) Yeah, I can't.
Peter I need them.
And if I deviate from
the new medical regime,
he'll have me in prison by suppertime.
I'm sorry.
And there we are.
Or more like this probably?
- No, ri-right. Right a bit.
- No? No, right, right, right.
- Oh, stop it, oh, stop it!
- Only joking.
- Just
Is your wrist still hurting?
A bit.
Our friend Diazepam might do you good.
Ease the pain.
No, Nicky, uh, Herbert's
given me a tincture thingy.
And that's working, is it?
Stop it.
I'll wait for you downstairs.
And who the fuck are all these people?
I thought it had to be a
birthday party with real people,
not some fancy fucks and fine china,
so, uh, I took the liberty of inviting
some of our people from the countryside.
It's a great opportunity.
Yes, you know, to, uh, to tell them.
Tell them what?
What you told me about the money.
- To tell them? Uh
- Yes, you don't have to tell details.
You just tell them you made mistakes,
that you took from them,
and clean your conscience.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
- I-I-I don't think I'll be doing that.
- Why not? Why not?
Well, (STAMMERS) it's
do ya know, it's not really
that sort of occasion, hm, is it?
No, it's-it's more of a
celebration. Yes, that's it.
- HERBERT: Elena
- Let's sit down there.
ELENA: Welcome.
I'm so thrilled you are all here
because you are the real people
and that's what my
father would've wanted.
As for you, birthday boy
83 today. Congratulations.
Daddy, you and I both know that you are
- still very much here with me.
And so happy birthday to Daddy and, uh,
- (SINGS) Many more ♪
And I bless you all for joining us.
HERBERT: Hello, everyone, uh,
I am not, uh, really good
at speeches, but, um
my people had a toast:
build it as tall as you want,
but you build it from our earth!"
Our earth, yes!
And I would like to add
sorry, we would like to add,
we are terribly sorry
for everything that has
been taken away from you.
Your toil, your hope, your money
ALL (SINGING): Happy birthday to you ♪
Happy birthday to you ♪
- Happy birthday, dear Joseph ♪
- Happy birthday, dear Daddy ♪
- Happy birthday to you ♪
- Happy birthday to you ♪
Happy birthday, Daddy.
now, listen, I know I said some
things yesterday that weren't,
weren't very kind, and
I just I (SIGHS)
- I just want
- (DISTORTED) Shut your fucking mouth.
(GASPS) I'm sorry, I
And stop apologizing, girl.
I w I wi I will.
These hogs may call you Chancellor,
but I know who you really are.
Tell me who I really am.
A vapid, feckless, political whore
with no principles.
A comic figure, bereft of vision,
easily ruled.
All tits and no spine.
- Like your mother.
- Yes. Yes, I-I kn I know.
Oh, God. Can't you speak properly?
(STAMMERS) Don't Stop saying
that. I-I-I'm trying, Daddy.
You always just lie back
and take it, don't you?
That's why the Americans loved you.
Are you going to take it from him?
He has you sucking his cock, doesn't he?
Answer, you ugly bitch.
Listen to me
be bold for once in
your hollow little life,
seize the mantle of history.
Yes. Yes, I'll try. I'll try, promise.
I promise, Daddy.

HERBERT: I'm having a land reform
planning meeting after this,
so I will, uh, fill you in
on everything later, yes?
ELENA: I think I'll
join the meeting today.
Agnes? Would you ask Mr.
Laskin to let them know, please?
- AGNES: Yes, ma'am.
- Thank you.
Well, here we go.
Strap in, my fuckaneers.
I-I-I think I've come around, actually.
Uh, well, yes, yes.
Yes, I-I think perhaps this,
uh, might be a marvelous notion.
Oh, sure. Redistribute
property, tank the economy,
empty the grocers.
White Zimbabwe, here we come.
So, uh, i-if one had a
summer cottage at Lake Ober,
somethin' like that wouldn't be,
as it were, "redistributed," would it?
SCHIFF: Uh, Madam
Chancellor, Corporal Zubak,
so glad you could both join us.
SINGER: Indeed. We have
prepared for you both
a planning precis regarding the
rollout of what we'd like to call
the Vernham Agrarian Reform
and Development Program.
So, if you'd like to take
a glance at the land reform
planning packets in front of you,
we thought we'd might
like to start with, uh,
well, Section One: Farm Expropriation.
Now, this has been adjusted
to our current budget
Minister Singer, that's
not where I'd like to start.
SINGER: Wh Oh, very well, Madam.
- Where would you like to start?
- The land itself.
- Right, um, in so far as ?
- Securing it.
SINGER: Securing it?
Obviously, one needs to secure
the land before reforming it.
SINGER: Well, uh, certainly, Madam, um,
uh, and in terms of the actionable
Priority one is to protect the
security and autonomy of our people.
And a program of reunification
with our Faban brothers
is the only way to
ensure our sovereignty.
I think this might get some chatter
from our American friends,
don't you think, Mr. Laskin?
Madam, I hope my report, my counsel,
did not animate this.
Oh, no, no. Not at all. (CHUCKLES)
Though I imagine your
job is about to become
quite interesting.
- What are we
- Still our plan, my love.
Taking back what's been stolen,
which would be impossible
without reuniting
with the Faban Corridor first.
Yes? Good?
Good. It's cleaner this way.
And it's actually the only way.
- Yeah.
- Madam, if you are indeed proposing an annexation
of the Faban Corridor,
I must ardently advise extreme caution.
Madam, no contingency plans exist.
We would be playing the invasion by ear.
No one knows how the
NATO powers will react,
and if the security forces
in the Faban zone resist,
it'll be a bloodbath.
Mr. Laskin, no one is
proposing an invasion. No one.
This is an expression of peace and love
towards our countrymen
across the border.
- LASKIN: But, Madam
- Onwards, my friends.
So, let's aim to mobilize
by end of the week?
I think that sounds reasonable, yeah?
Oh, and Herbert, we
should send you out there.
Give you a new title,
something like, um,
Faban Freedom Captain.
Yeah, something like that.
Something fun, snappy.
Yeah? Good.

My loves. At long last, we have arrived
at the sacred hour of our
glorious dream realized.
Indeed, it appears a
reckoning has finally arrived
for all who ever desired
Faban self-determination.
I have dispatched top aides,
including newly appointed
Faban Freedom Commander Herbert Zubak,
to ensure that these ancestral lands
are reclaimed with the utmost care.
Chancellor Vernham and her supporters
have vied for these 800 square miles
of ethnic mountain land for years.
REPORTER 1: Chancellor Vernham's
regime has been careful
to describe the operation
as a "lawful annexation."
REPORTER 2: Vernham's
defiant turnabout
REPORTER 1: But the shots we're seeing,
unmarked vehicles moving
silently into Faban territory,
are impossible to deny.
This is all the hallmarks
of an occupation.
This isn't an occupation, my friends.
Even as I speak, the Faban Parliament
is voting unanimously
to approve this reunion.
REPORTER 3: A mere 12
days after Vernham entered
the Faban Corridor illegally.
Sources say Faban legislators
have been forced at gunpoint
to unanimously approve annexation,
making it official.
REPORTER 4: The White House
responded swiftly today,
calling the invasion "a tragic assault
"on Faban self-determination
and a mockery of NATO
peacekeeping efforts."
The developments in the
Faban Corridor this week
underscore the importance
of our transatlantic partnerships.
(ON TABLET) Chancellor Vernham
calls this a reunification,
but we know the truth:
She seized this land illegally,
and there will be consequences.
REPORTER: Chancellor
Vernham's long-held dream
of regaining control
of the Faban Corridor
is finally being realized.
Most would agree that a reunion
with our Faban brothers and sisters
is a cause for celebration.
But what will be the
long-term effects on our

ELENA: Sit, sit, sit.
(EXHALES) Nice to see
you all. Good morning.
JOURNALIST 1: Madam Chancellor,
does last week's military operation
- in the Faban
- "Military operation"? No. (CHUCKLES)
Let's not use these words:
"Military operation."
No, not a single shot has been
fired in the Faban Corridor
and there have been no casualties.
Madam Chancellor, to what
extent does this reunion
violate international agreements?
The agreements to which
you refer are archaic
and, therefore, not legal.
All we are doing is realizing our dream,
our dream of a new Europe,
without limits, without cruelty.
And I assure you our actions are
in full compliance with the law.
- Who's next?
- Madam Chancellor?
- ELENA: Yeah.
Have you thought through
all the possible risks?
Economic sanctions, a possible visa ban?
ELENA: Did you ask the United States
if they thought through
the possible risks
of their exploits in Afghanistan, Iraq,
Yemen, Libya, Indonesia,
Central America,
every corner of the world?
Actions which were carried
out at great human cost
with no resulting UN
sanctions whatsoever.
Did you ask them about that, did
you? No, I didn't think you did.
JOURNALIST 2: Madam, the stock market
- ELENA: Yeah.
- has declined sharply and exchange rates
- have hit record lows.
- Yeah, money likes quiet, you know?
Right now, there is noise.
Our erstwhile friends
across the Atlantic
are responsible for that noise.
But once they settle
down, the markets will too.
- Yes, but
- Yeah, this is no longer a conversation.
Let me finish.
there are times when one
must choose the hardest road.
I have chosen that road,
and I have done so in
the name of liberty.
- JOURNALIST 3: Chancellor? Chancellor?
- ELENA: Thank you.
Ooh, (CHUCKLES) what have we here?
I present you a cornerstone
of the Monastery of the Holy Trinity.
It's the ancient spiritual home
of our brothers in the Faban lands.
- Ah
- Simple peasants once fought to get this relic back
from the land that it leaves.
Like in our dream, Elena.
Well, that's that's lovely.
Thank you.
Elena, as soon as we can,
we should start on the rest.
ELENA: The rest?
Yes, of our dream, land reform.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, of course.
No, we must give land reform
the best chance of success.
When the Faban turbulence is behind us.
Our budget has shifted now,
and significant aid will need to be sent
to the Faban Corridor.
And the rest of our funds,
we ought to set aside,
in case of any repercussions.
So, when will our dream come true?
This is our dream.
The remainder of which
we'll budget for next year.
- Or the year after.
- Year after?
We can't afford to be careless, Herbert.
Land reform is simply too important.
Bloody hell.
What the fuck do you want?
AGNES: I've been instructed
to bring you this.
- What is it?
- These are the clothes she wants you to wear
for the banquet tonight.
Isn't that lovely for
the Faban victory party.
I'm not wearing this nutcracker shit.
- She requested that you do, Corporal.
- Stop calling me that.
Do you want me to help you?
It's alright. I've got some spare
undershirts in there for you.
Why are you being nice
to me? It's stupid.
(SIGHS) Well, I'm just
doin' me job, my stupid job.
Hail the conquering hero.
You're smiling.
The entire Western world
is about to pig fuck us
with sanctions and you're smiling.
Now, look, I say you're stressed,
but you must admit, our plan to
sideline the Corporal has worked.
The plan, sir, was to get
back to business as usual.
This is emphatically
not business as usual.
I suppose my head knows that's true,
yet I must confess, my
heart feels oddly tickled.
I think you'll find the
imminent demise of our economy
slightly outweighs the
benefits to your love life, sir.
You don't think we could ride
out those sanctions somehow
with our new plan C?
Oh, yes. China. A cold,
heartless superpower
that's going to sort
out all our problems.
Think happy thoughts, Laskin.
It's time to twist the night away.

I love the outfit, Corporal.
AGNES: Just remember,
if you're feeling unwell,
just come and find me, alright?
- Come and find me.
Smile, darling.

What is he doing here?
Cheers, my love.

Good evening!
Good evening, good
evening, good evening,
and welcome, welcome one and
all to the Heroes Banquet!
Tonight, we celebrate
our returning heroes
and our joyous reunification
with our Faban brothers!
And so the question is:
Are you ready to party?
I'd keep an eye on that
Bordeaux by the way, Madam.
NATO might snatch that
back by the intermission.
And haven't you all scrubbed up well?
- Don't ya all look great?
What do we have down here?
(GASPS) Ooh, it's Emil Bartos,
and he seems to be
chaperoning his granddaughter.
- And-And-And how old is she, if I may inquire?
She looks like she'd be
just as happy with a, uh,
- ice cream and a pony ride.
But let's imagine how
poor, dear, old Keplinger
- is feeling right now.
- Boo!
- COMEDIAN: And you know he's gonna be watchin' this, folks.
You know he's watching this,
up there in his mansion
in the mountains,
- weeping into his chardonnay.
Well, Mr. former chancellor,
of course you hate reunification.
We knew that after
your first two divorces.
friends, uh, let's consider
for a second what's happening
in this very country,
outside these four walls now.
A pointless, needless,
wasteful, expensive undertaking
that's gonna drag on for
years and years and years.
I'm speaking, of course,
about the national poetry centers.
- Oh, dear, oh, dear.
Mr. Vernham's not looking
happy with that one.
- Mr. Vernham's not looking happy.
- Now, that was rather tame.
- Come on.
- COMEDIAN: I'm sorry, Nicholas, if you don't like the material,
maybe you could write a poem about it.
Madam Chancellor? Mr. Bartos would like
to discuss the China brief.
- La-Later, later.
- COMEDIAN: Paging Dr. Freud. Chancellor's husband.
It's very clear who
wears the trousers
What the fuck is a China brief?
I imagine it's where
China is discussed briefly.
- COMEDIAN: Give us a cheer if you're Special Forces!
The Air Force!
The Security Service!
(CLEARS THROAT) Now, Nicholas,
I have a submission for you.
- I don't know if you're still taking submissions
- NICHOLAS: Go for it!
- Go!
- but my, uh, literary assistant will bring it.
- Thank you.
Very good, very good.
COMEDIAN: It goes something like this:
"There once was a man so astounding
"Whose job was so very confounding
"He lived at the palace
"And tugged on his phallus
And shouted, 'My
granddad's the Foundling!'"


- Oskar! Alright. It's okay.
- Deep breaths. Deep
- Fuck off.
- I'm trying to help!
- You had your chance to help. Fuck off.
You're alright. Mum's here. Oh!
It's only a joke. It's a joke!
(LAUGHING) All a big joke.
Yeah, a joke.

Don't forget tomorrow,
the bankers, the zoo.
- Hm?
- Yes, yes. (KISSES)
- A demain.
- NICHOLAS: A demain. Bonne nuit.
Well, I did enjoy it.
It was patchy. You know, (SIGHS)
comedy is like that.
Absolutely no one's good at it.
You look tired.
- Are you tired?
- No.
Bit cranky?
(SIGHS) Okay.
- You sure?
- Yes, I'm sure.
Well, I'm not sure I
believe you, but whatever.
- Long night. (CHUCKLES)
- What is that? Have you always done that?
- Done what?
- That sniff. You do a sniff now.
- A what?
- Well, you know, a little (SNIFFS)
- I do?
You're not aware of it?
- How can you not be aware of it?
- I don't know.
You're not aware
there's something you do
many times a day that
you never used to do?
think I do a sniff, no.
But you do. I just told you that you do.
Does it bother you?
No no, doesn't bother me.
May be a bit irritating that you
won't acknowledge that you do it.
- Oh, you find me irritating?
- No, that's not what I said.
(SIGHS) Well, it's how you seem with me.
(SCOFFS) It's how I seem, is it?
Tonight. Now.
Oh. I was barely
aware of you tonight.
Yeah, that's what I mean.
Because I was celebrating
my country and our people.
Must my attention always be on you?
Why are you meeting with Bartos?
I might not be.
Answer me.
Why are you meeting with Bartos?
Because he's free to practice business
and his business is of
consequence to my country.
No, this man is of no consequence to us.
None whatsoever.
- Well, you know, just a check-in.
- Check-in on what?
Stuff. Few things.
Maybe, perhaps, an option.
- Ah.
- A free trade deal
with the largest nation on Earth
who oppose our enemies.
Is that, is that a crime?
"You may build it as tall as you like,
but you build it from our Earth."
Oh, sweet.
That something your mummy
would sing in the beet fields?
No, Elena Look at me.
- It's our dream.
- (SIGHS) Your dream.
- What?
- Your dream, not mine.
I don't fucking dream.
Oh, God, is that so shocking?
Jesus Christ. Fucking grow up.
Maybe I occasionally dream,
but I, I don't remember them.
I do.
Yes, you do.
Your dreams come from
the mind of a child.

- Wh
- You're not enormously bright, are you?
- Excuse me?
Big baby ox man.
Your father always
knew that you are weak.
Poor baby ox.
You steal money from
poor people, you hide it,
and you turn your soul to shit.
I bet you dream about
fucking me, don't you?
Yes, you do.
You dream about fucking me.
(CHUCKLES) But I don't
dream about fucking you.

Mm. Hm.

I thought you were
fun. You used to be fun.
Hm. You're boring now.
You don't deny it.
That you dream about fucking me?
you do not have a graceful mind.
- Keep sputtering, Ox.
- Don't call me fucking ox!
- I'm not an ox, you hear me?
Look at me. I'm not a fucking ox!
(STRUGGLING) No, you're a butcher.



Thank you, Agnes.
There is one thing I'd like
to speak with you about, ma'am.
Yes, what is it?
The folk remedies
prescribed by the former
Chief of Health and Safety
have not been working,
and, um, Oskar has been
having seizures again.
What?! Agnes! Why was I not told?!
AGNES: I'm sorry.
I mean, I wanted to
be honest with you now.
Well I'm glad you're honest with me.
Mother to mother.
Eh, yes, of course, we must resume
Oskar's prior treatment immediately.
Thank you, thank you, thank you.
- That means I can't tell you how much that means.
- But
co-parenting is about honesty,
and for you to have withheld
information about Oskar's condition,
well, it doesn't make me feel like
we're operating in good faith, Agnes.
Yes, I think the best thing for Oskar
would be for him to stay here with me,
so I can supervise his treatment.
Because I, I really can't
trust you right now, Agnes.
That's so disappointing.
I'm sure you understand.
Yes, I, um
- Thank you. That's all.
- I


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