The Rockford Files (1974) s06e07 Episode Script
Nice Guys Finish Dead
Stop in the name of the law! You're in some trouble, Freddie, and I'm willing to help you.
But you've gotta get yourself in focus.
This is the pendant, honey, okay? Stop looking at my chest.
This guy is the killer.
And you can quote me on that one.
Don't shoot at him, you turkeys! We have a killer who looks like Kato and dresses like Bozo the Clown.
Well, I think we should follow this lead and catch our killer, Jim.
Oh, nothing to it, eh, Lance? Well, it won't be easy.
These things never are.
What now, Lance? (PHONE RINGING) ROCKFORD ON ANSWERING MACHINE: This is Jim Rockford.
At the tone, leave your name and message.
I'll get back to you.
(BEEPS) DUSENBERG: Jim, Frank.
I put a new outlet in the kitchen.
I lay in the cable and the box.
Then I pulled the breaker, just like you said, and both of my TVsets start burning.
What do I do now? With the convention, sir? Huh? Valet parking.
Huh? Would you like me to park your car, sir? This is my first convention.
Where do I go? Ballroom, second floor.
Okay.
Valet? No, why don't you just park my car? I'll use the bathroom upstairs.
First nomination, I hear.
Yeah, this is the first time.
Carmine was nominated for the Goodhue in '56.
He didn't win, but he should have.
Well, I think the nomination is actually the award.
Don't you believe it, Rockford.
Nobody cares for a loser.
What was it you did that got you nominated? Well, it was really kind of technical.
In its own way, it was fascinating.
You know, it set precedent in the field of accident insurance.
Probably ended up in a hell of a shooting, huh? Well, no, no, no, actually, what I did was I timed the affidavits that were issued during the investigative phase Carmine was in a shootout in '56.
He was wounded, but he saved the bank hostages.
He should have won the Goodhue that year.
Everybody said so.
Carmine, honey, show him your scar.
I got a slug in the right arm.
Here, I'll show you.
See, the thing that intrigued me about the case was there were six statements and all of them corresponded to the investigating officers' original report.
Sounds like a good deal.
Here you go.
Take a look at this.
Nice.
This case that you were nominated for.
What's it about? You You researched something? Yeah, yeah.
It was really kind of fascinating.
Come on, May.
Don't let the poor guy go over it again.
Let's get some more booze.
Yeah, well, see you.
Hello, Carmine.
Hi, Lance.
Boy.
There goes a swell guy.
You know, Carmine should've won the Goodhue in '56.
But that's life.
Well, fellow nominee, how's tricks? Well, I'm not having too much luck with this drink.
This is your first nomination, isn't it? Yeah, yeah.
First time ever.
But I think the nomination is really the award.
And you deserve it.
I think you should win.
Well, I don't think so.
As a matter of fact, I think you will, Lance.
The case I had was a bit of a snore.
Just a bunch of silly timings of a bunch of silly affidavits.
Come on, Jim.
What are you talking about? You think that because you weren't nominated for some cornball shootout that you're not gonna win? What you did set legal precedent in accident cases that'll stand for years.
Timing those affidavits.
Finding the two minute and 35 second omission Fifty-seven.
Oh, I beg your pardon.
Not that it matters, but it was two minutes and 57 seconds that was missing.
I think it's fascinating, Jim.
And just between you and me, I voted for you, because I think it's that kind of nose-to-the-books investigation that should be recognized in our industry more.
I wish you hadn't of voted for me, Lance.
Oh? Why? Well, I didn't vote for you.
I voted for myself.
Really? Oh, well.
In my whole life, I never voted for myself.
I always do.
Well, I guess I shouldn't have sent the letter, either.
Letter? Well, the one asking the membership to vote for you on the grounds that accident investigation law is an important and growing part of our industry.
Lance, I mean, really, there was nothing to it.
I mean, it's just a bunch of silly timings.
You know, I wrote my doctoral thesis in evidentiary procedure on the pre-trial phase of accident investigation.
It's a fascinating field, Jim.
And you're on the leading edge of it.
Doctoral? You have a doctorate? It's nothing, really.
I took some night school courses, did it in my spare time.
See, I always say that spare time is a resource.
We should use it wisely.
What do you do in your free time, Jim? Fish.
Sometimes I go to the ball game.
Hey, fellas.
Uncle Vern wants to get things started.
Good luck, Lance.
I voted for you, despite the letter that you sent.
Thank you, Larry.
I think Rockford's case is a real drowsy number.
I just can't get behind it.
Yeah, well, I I think the nomination is really the award.
Crap-ola.
Cute kid.
Vern's business has really picked up since he brought his nephew in.
Larry's a very aggressive guy.
He's brought in a lot of new electronic surveillance equipment.
Don't you think we ought to get seated? You know, they really should have put us at a table near the front.
You're going to have a long walk.
Testing, one, two, three.
One, two, three.
Is this working? MAN: Sure, it's working! Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to the 27th annual awards dinner of the United Association of Licensed Investigators.
May I start by welcoming all our out-of-state guests and by saying how glad we are to have you with us.
And, well, without any further ado, I'd like to introduce the president of our association, and my uncle, and just one all-around great guy, Vern "The Hawk" St.
Cloud.
Come on up, Uncle Vern.
A funny thing happened on the way to the convention tonight.
I stopped to get a bite to eat in a restaurant, and I ordered the chicken a la Maserati.
Well, it turned out to be a hen that was run over by an Italian sports car.
(LAUGHS) Vern's as funny as ever.
He's trying, Jim.
Give him a chance.
But seriously, folks.
The saddest thing in the world is a one-fingered pickpocket.
All he can steal is Life Savers.
(LAUGHS) (CLEARS THRO AT) Okay.
Now that we've had a good laugh, I'd like to move right along to the business at hand, the presenting of the Goodhue.
Well, the Goodhue is awarded annually by the membership to the private detective who has done the most for his profession this year.
Now, without further ado, I'd like to get right on with the nominees.
The nominees are James Scott Rockford of Rockford Investigations for evidentiary research in the precedent-setting Rittenhouse Insurance Group versus Federated Van Lines.
Rockford spent hours timing affidavits and finally discovered a missing two minutes and 35 seconds in a tape.
Fifty-seven.
It resulted in the case being won or something.
Nice, Jim.
(PEOPLE APPLAUD) The next nominee, which is Lance White of Lance White Investigations.
Lance saved three 10-year-old girls from certain death, risked his life in the midst of gunfire and brought all three to safety.
He received this city's meritorious achievement award, the mayor's plaque, and the chief of police intends to honor him for bravery at the June policeman's banquet with the medal of valor award.
Now, let's hear it for Lance.
One incredible act of heroism! (AUDIENCE APPLAUDING) (PEOPLE WHISTLING) And the third nominee is Mike Sheffield.
He was wounded attempting to keep surveillance on a top underworld figure.
And he pulled himself out of his car and continued the surveillance on foot, eventually observing a heroin transaction.
Now, that's hanging in there! Unfortunately, Sheff's still in the hospital recovering from that one.
But we'll keep his Goodhue for him.
Okay.
Now the envelope, please.
(MAN WHOOPING) And the winner is Well, apparently the winner is James S.
Rockford.
(LANCE APPLAUDING) Don't make it too windy, Rockford.
It's a long agenda.
Just say, "Thank you.
" Thank you.
(PEOPLE APPLAUD) Thank you? What kind of acceptance speech is that, kid? (LAUGHS) Now, while we're getting ready to dig into those terrific roast beef dinners, I'd like to move right along and present the speaker of the evening, Senator Harmon D.
Zinota.
(PEOPLE MUTTERING) Come on.
Wait a minute now.
I know he's not very popular with this group.
We all know that he's been trying to get invasion of privacy measures passed in this state that some of you feel will hurt our industry.
It's gonna put us all out of business, that's what it's gonna do, Vern.
What do we have to listen to him for? VERN: We felt we should hear from Senator Zinota personally.
Learn firsthand what he intends.
It's a very important issue.
It affects our very livelihoods.
Now I'd like to present to you Senator Harmon D.
Zinota.
Senator Zinota? Senator Harmon D.
Zinota.
Senator Zinota? Senator Zinota? Hello there.
Is this thing working? Senator Zinota? What's going on in here? What'd you do to him? (STAMMERING) Hey, no.
I mean, I Now wait a sec.
(GRUNTS) Help! Help! Help! Help! Help! He killed the senator! He killed the senator! GUARD 1: Hold it, you! GUARD 2: Hey, buddy, wait up! ROCKFORD: Freddie! Beamer! GUARD 1: Stop! Hold it, fella! Somebody call the police.
Anybody see who did this? It was that mechanic guy, the one who's always putting stories in Detective Digest.
What's his name? Bummer? Beamer! (GRUNTS) GUARD 1: Hold it right there! Don't shoot at him, you turkeys! Wrong way! Stop! Stop! Hey, watch it! BEAMER: Oh, no, I'm out of gas.
Oh, no.
What's wrong, Freddie, huh? Why'd you run? Huh? Why'd you run? Huh? Why did you run? Huh? Why did you run, Freddie? Because people were chasing me, Jim.
Okay, come on, you're gonna turn yourself in.
I don't wanna.
You're gonna.
I don't wanna! I don't wanna! You're gonna! You're gonna! Come on.
You didn't kill him, right, Freddie? Who? Kill who? Senator Zinota.
Is he dead, too? Then who was that guy in the can, Jim? Senator Zinota.
That was the guy in the bathroom.
The guy in the bathroom was (STUTTERS) Oh, no! Freddie! Freddie! Freddie? Freddie? Hey, Freddie.
Huh? Oh, no.
Are you there, Freddie? Hey, hey, hey, come on.
No.
Oh, no.
All right, come on, Freddie.
Fred! Freddie, there must have been 200 guys in that room, any one of which could have had a motive to kill that senator.
You just happened to be the one who stumbled in after he got killed.
I always dreamt of winning a Goodhue.
I always dreamed it.
I guess my career's over now.
My Goodhue will never come.
Freddie, this thing isn't going to be too hard to beat.
If you hadn't run, you'd probably be home free.
A Goodhue.
I am holding a Goodhue.
Freddie.
Hey, Freddie.
Hello, Freddie! You know, Jim, this proves that you are the best private eye in the world.
Now, if I have to turn myself in, I wanna know you're gonna help me.
Hey, Freddie, this thing isn't too much.
As far as my being a good private eye, there must be, oh, a hundred, a thousand guys that you could hire who could do the same Jim, I want you to promise me you're gonna help me.
Freddie, Freddie, if I had the time, I'd be in there swinging with both hands.
But my problem is right now is A Goodhue.
I am holding a Goodhue.
Freddie! Will you quit it with the Goodhue, huh? It's just a dumb award.
It's nothing! Jim, that's your Goodhue! Freddie! It's a dumb statue! Now, forget it, will you? It's nothing! You're in some trouble, Freddie, and I'm willing to help you.
But you've gotta get yourself in focus.
They are gonna hang me, aren't they, Jim? They're not gonna hang you, Freddie.
They're gonna give you a lie detector test, that clears you.
Bing, bang, boom, you're out the front door and you are home sleeping tonight.
A test? Jim, I am no good at tests.
Even in elementary school when they were easy.
Sometimes I don't even understand the questions.
Freddie, it is not a hard test.
They're going to ask you some questions and you tell them the truth.
Oh.
I can do that.
Well, which is it? Freddie Beamer or Arnold Beamer? Well, it's Freddie now, but I was born Arnold.
I changed it because I found out I didn't like Arnie as much as I thought I was gonna like it when I found out that was my name.
I need a yes or no answer, Lieutenant.
Phrase the question so he gives us a yes or a no.
Is your name Fred Beamer? That is what I am trying to tell you.
Yes or no, mister? Yes! For the last five years.
Before that it was Arnold.
I'm not very good at tests.
I probably should have told you guys that.
I'd probably be a lot better if I had my glasses, but Rockford knocked them off and I couldn't find them.
(CLEARS THROAT) Okay, I'll make a short statement here.
REPORTER: Are you helping the police? Is this thing working? Can I hear me? Of course.
Let's go.
We're rolling.
Okay.
Now, what happened was our convention was destroyed by this mechanic, who I want you to know is not a member of the United Association of Licensed Investigators.
Now, this guy tried to get in a half a dozen times, but we blocked him because he doesn't have the credentials and because he spends three or four days a week working on cars.
How about the murder? Do the police have any solid evidence? Solid evidence? You kidding? They got the guy who did it.
He gonged the senator in the john and took off.
Come on, fellas.
What do you want? This guy is the killer.
And you can quote me on that one if you like.
That's all for now.
Wait a minute, Uncle Vern, I've got something to say.
Gentlemen, the U.
A.
L.
I.
Would like to let you know that we're setting up an information center, and any further statements to the press will be made at the Hopalong Cassidy Suite at the Gene Autry Hotel.
Thank you very much.
REPORTER 1: Are you guys helping the police? Come on, give us some answers, will you? REPORTER 2: It has to be political.
Jim? Hey, Jim.
ROCKFORD: Yeah, Freddie? Jim, I didn't pass.
What are you doing here, Rockford? I brought him in, remember? So, what are you looking for? A letter of recommendation? Move out of the way.
Come on, let's go.
Lancer.
How's tricks, Chappy? It's a tough one.
Real tough.
The guy Yeah? He's a driveller.
Oh, no.
You got it.
A real loser.
Damn near shorted the lie machine.
Don't have enough on him to hold him for murder, so I'm just gonna drop the hot car charges on him hoping he can't make the bail.
Some days are like that, Chappy.
The case? Yeah? Can I help? I hope so, Lance.
I'm hanging out a mile on this one.
I could use your help.
Hey, Chappy.
Yeah, Lancer? Count on it.
(SIGHS) Hell of a guy.
Fred Beamer.
I would have been here sooner, but my bondsman made me go all the way to Malibu just to get the pink slip to my car.
Oh, that's heartbreaking.
Just sign the release here.
Now, look, you can probably get some coffee, and then you can pick your friend up out back in about 20 minutes.
Who is it? Who's there? Lance.
Where'd you go? Well, I had to pick this up at the desk.
You can't take it into the jail area.
You can't take a radio in jail? How come? It's a gun.
You can't take a gun.
Oh, a gun.
Hey, I carry a gun.
Hey, a PI's got to pack a gat, right? It's part of the job.
Well, that's the kind of fallacy that can get people killed, Fred.
You see, a gun is a tool.
A dangerous tool.
A tool that we professionals must respect because a person can get hurt with a gun.
And that's why I never load this one.
That's why I know that no one will ever suffer because Lance White was invited on a case.
That's what you tell the cops so you can pack the heater, but you and I both know it's a jungle out there.
I mean, after all, we stalk the night.
Sometimes a PI has got to pull his iron and drill holes in mobsters because the PI's life's insecure, it's dangerous.
Death comes quickly on little cat feet (BEAMER GROANS) You all right? You okay? Fred? (GROANING) What we'll do is we'll go back to my place, sit down with a little cognac and some Respighi and work this out.
I never liked Respighi very much.
They always put too much cheese on it.
Mind if we have a steak and a beer, or something like that? Respighi is a classical composer, Fred.
We listen to his music, and it helps us to relax.
You see, the human mind is a wonderful and resourceful tool.
A tool that stores and catalogs all sorts of information, some that we don't even remember.
For instance, when you went into the bathroom, was anyone coming or going in or out that you remember? Yeah, sure.
Who? Me.
See? Already we're making some progress.
Are you all right? What happened to your glasses? I lost them when Rockford tackled me in the bushes.
Well, let's go find them.
Where were you? Westlake Drive, I don't know where.
Westlake Drive? The police will have marked the spot where the stolen car was.
Shouldn't be too hard to find.
Rockford tried.
He couldn't find them.
Nonsense.
BEAMER: Where is Rockford, anyway? Oh, he's around someplace.
I'm really disappointed.
He said he'd help me out on this deal.
LANCE: Well, he'll turn up shortly.
Lance, Beamer? Oh, excuse me, excuse me.
Lance! Beamer! Lance! Lance! LANCE: Did you ever stop to think that the light from the sun, Fred, has traveled trillions, hundreds of millions of miles just to light up this day? We're never gonna find my glasses.
Rockford hunted.
He really did.
When you look at the sun and the stars, the majesty of the firmaments, our little problems here in space and time just seem very small indeed.
And when you add to that the fact that you have friends, good friends, friends who want to help you, Fred, well, this old world just seems a whole lot better, doesn't it, Fred? Don't you think you ought to load that gat in case we gotta smoke a bad guy or something? Here we are.
Police markers right ahead.
I'll get your glasses.
You'll never find them.
It fell down in those bushes there, Lance.
You'll never find them in those weeds.
Hey, you're Lance White.
I've seen you about a half a dozen times.
Now I know who you are.
Welcome to the case, Fred.
Now, let's go do what I like to call a little skull work.
We'll buckle on the old think hat and see what we come up with.
It was right along here on this road somewhere where Rockford threw his Goodhue away.
Threw it away? Yeah, he said it was just an award.
It didn't mean anything.
You know, I'm proud of Jim for knowing that.
For realizing that a little brass and marble isn't important.
It's what we learn from the achievement that counts.
LANCE: That's Jim's car.
What's he doing here? What you doing, Jim? (STAMMERING) Oh, well, nothing.
I was I lost my Goodhue? Yeah, yeah.
Well, I I thought it might be good in the trailer.
You know, just good for business.
Oh, I don't think so, Jim.
I have seven of them and I keep them in the closet.
You see, I don't believe in displaying awards.
I think it's what we learn from the achievement that counts.
But let me see if I can help.
Well, I don't think you're going to find it.
I looked for the thing for 15 minutes.
I don't Let's go back to my place.
We've got some skull work to do.
This guy's great, isn't he, Jim? You should've seen the way he found my glasses.
Yeah? Yeah, well, I don't even know why I was looking for it.
I just happened to be driving by here at the time.
(CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYING) Okay.
I remember Senator Zinota left about three minutes before the scream was heard.
I also remember Beamer leaving about 30 seconds before the scream.
Wait a minute.
You remember all that? Of course, Jim.
Don't you? No.
There were people coming and going.
In and out.
How can you remember that? I don't know.
I just do.
It's funny, isn't it? Well, it's a couple of notches past funny, Lance.
It's ridiculous.
I always remember most everything that happens.
I usually do.
I have total recall.
The mind is a wonderful tool, Jim.
How would you know? Mikelson left almost right after Beamer.
Then Mrs.
Tooley.
Then old Don Frazier came back from the kitchen.
I remember the waiter made a left-to-right cross in front of me with a tray of glasses.
He was taking it into the lobby.
That's the tray that Mikelson fell into.
Lance Then Tom Sherrill went to the bar in the lobby.
He came back with two drinks.
One of them looked like a Scotch, the other was a soda.
Lance Then one of the Escobal brothers, Raoul, I think it was, went into the bar.
He was limping slightly.
Lance, nobody can remember that good.
I mean, nobody.
Oh, you're right.
I'm fuzzing out on a few things right in here.
Oh, well, how could you? Right when you were getting up to my acceptance speech.
And it was a lovely speech, too, Jim.
I said, "Thank you," Lance.
"Thank you" is not a lovely speech.
What I'm getting at here is I don't think, given the way I have reconstructed it, that Fred could have had the time to kill the senator.
I think I'd swear to that.
This guy is terrific, Jim, you know that? Oh, yeah, he's really terrific.
You know, Lance is perfect.
Yeah.
Lance is perfect.
He never makes a mistake.
It's the Fosdick Syndrome that causes all the damage.
You see, the people in back and on the sides always eat it.
I understand that you're bitter, Jim, because on our last case I got the girl.
You got the girl, you got her father's company and five million dollars.
I got bad shrimp at the wedding.
She died, you know.
Two months after our marriage.
(STAMMERING) I'm sorry, Lance.
That's just It has been a bad day.
It was bittersweet at the end.
We knew she was going.
Took a trip.
The last weeks were paradise.
After she went, you know what I did, Jim? You gave away all the money you inherited.
To the Boys Club of America.
Do you think we could get back to the case here? If Freddie didn't kill Zinota, who did? It's a good question, Lance.
Who did? That is something we are going to find out.
My friend, I think it's time for another clue to pop up.
It doesn't work like that, Lance.
Sure it does.
Fred will remember something, and we'll be on our way.
BEAMER: Now that you mention it, Lance, I do remember something.
Of course you do.
What is it? A guy coming out of the head.
I passed him going in the door.
Don't you love it, Jim? I hate it.
It always unravels just like this.
Just when you think you're out of luck, up pops a clue! It's what makes this job worth doing.
Who was it? I don't know.
I didn't look at him.
Sure you did.
The human mind is a wonderful tool, Fred.
You just don't remember what you saw.
But I have someone who'll help us with that.
A hypnotist.
Her name is Brandy Alexander.
She owes me a favor.
You see, I saved her life once.
Long, long time ago.
(GLASS SHATTERING) I'm sorry.
It's all right, Jim.
It's not important, I understand.
Let's take my car.
Hi, Vern.
How's tricks? How's tricks? Is he kidding? Makes us look like a bunch of bongo players! LANCE: We're working on a hot lead, Vern.
Beamer remembers a guy leaving the bathroom as he was entering it.
It had to be the killer.
Oh, sure, this make-believe shamus remembers a guy coming out, huh? That's his alibi! Don't you see that? He killed him! He gonged poor Senator Zinota to death.
Squashed his melon in the can.
Who do you guys think you're kidding here? I didn't touch him.
You did it, bub! Where does this guy get off? You say that one more time, and Fred Beamer is gonna take action.
And that is a warning.
Oh, look at me.
I'm shaking all over.
You did it, Sherlock.
And Larry and me are gonna prove it.
That's it.
Put 'em up.
Oh, come on.
Put 'em up.
(LAUGHS) (GRUNTS) Now, if you guys are smart, you'll dump him back in stir when he comes to.
(ENGINE STARTING) I'll teach that guy to mouth off.
Freddie, let me tell you something.
Freddie, there's one thing you never do.
You never say, "Put 'em up.
" You smile at the guy, then sucker punch him.
You always say, "Put 'em up," Jim, to let your opponent know you're about to swing.
There, you see? You see what I'm telling you about this guy? You take his advice, you're gonna spend half your life sitting down hard.
Jim, I think we should get to Brandy's house and find out what Fred knows.
I'm telling you, Lance, I just don't think that a hypnotism is going to work here.
Oh, it always does.
She'll put him under and he'll remember everything he saw.
Every little detail.
I don't believe she'll be able to hypnotize Freddie.
Sure she will.
Now, I know what I'm talking about, Lance.
In order to hypnotize Beamer, what does he have to do? Nothing.
No, no, no.
One thing.
What is it? I don't know.
Concentrate.
You see? I can't see.
Where are my glasses? See? BRANDY: You're feeling drowsy, very drowsy.
Your eyelids feel very heavy.
So heavy you can't hold them open any longer.
You're feeling sleepy.
You're concentrating on sleep.
Your eyes are very heavy.
You want to close them.
Close your eyes.
Close your eyes.
Close your eyes, buster.
Am I under now? I feel like I'm under.
(SIGHS) I really think I'm under here.
I feel very sleepy.
Okay, okay.
We're going to start from the top.
Try and concentrate, okay? I think I was under there.
At the end there, for a second or so.
I was really under.
It was great.
Okay.
Now, just relax.
Okay.
I want you to look at the pendant, okay? Okay.
This is the pendant, honey, okay? Stop looking at my chest.
Okay.
If you help me, I can help you.
Good.
Good.
Now You're feeling drowsy.
Very sleepy.
Your eyes are feeling heavy.
You want to go to sleep.
Your eyes want to close.
You're fighting to keep them open.
Finally.
Finally they close.
Good.
You're going under.
You're sinking deeper and deeper, but you can hear every word that I say.
You will listen only to the sound of my voice.
Good.
All right, we're going back to last night.
The banquet at the hotel.
You go to the bathroom.
You walk in and you pass a man on his way out of the bathroom.
Do you remember, Fred? I remember.
I passed him on the way to the bathroom.
He's faking it.
(SHUSHING) BRANDY: And you glanced at the man.
I glanced at the man.
And you saw him.
I saw him.
And you're going to describe him now.
I am going to describe him now.
So, do it, honey, okay? BEAMER: I Six foot four.
Bald and muscular.
Very, very muscular.
Good.
What was he wearing? He was wearing He was wearing What was he wearing? Clothes.
He was wearing clothes.
What kind of clothes was he wearing? He was wearing nice clothes.
Nice.
Kelly green jacket, bright blue slacks and he had a hat with a feather.
Okay.
Open your eyes.
(SIGHS) Look, I'm sorry.
Do you want me to try again? What a strange feeling.
I was really under there.
You really put me under.
Whammo! Under I went.
She's good.
You're great.
Hey, Lance, she's terrific.
You really are.
You're terrific.
How did you know he was bald if he was wearing a hat? A hat? I'm telling you he's faking it, folks.
Faking it? Listen, I was under there, and I remember that guy.
You were wonderful.
Yeah.
Look, I don't think he was hypnotized, but you can't tell.
Maybe.
He doesn't concentrate very well, so it's hard to get him to sleep.
You did the best you could.
And we have more now than we had a minute ago.
Oh, sure.
We have a killer who looks like Kato and dresses like Bozo the Clown.
(CHUCKLES) How much do I owe you, Brandy? I'd settle for a dinner.
I wish I could.
I have so little time these days.
I'm open on Friday night.
I'm open right now.
Please call me, Lance.
Please, I miss you.
And I miss you.
Why is it that circumstances keep us apart? That's a tough one.
Would you mind giving us a moment alone? Oh, sure, sure.
Shall we wait in the car? We don't really just have a moment, do we? Time is valuable, Brandy, and I'm on a case.
Perhaps some other time.
You know, I really think she liked me, Jim.
I would've paid her or tipped her, but I don't think you have to do that with friends, do you? Well, while we're on the delicate subject of money, Freddie.
You know, I put my car up as security against your bail.
I'd kind of like to get that little arrangement squared away.
Jim Lance made my bail.
Wrong.
No, Lance picked you up.
I signed the bail bond papers.
So I'm the one that's on the hook for you.
Sure.
That's him with the glasses.
What's he doing? He's moving back and forth like a duck in a shooting gallery.
Let's take him on the next cross.
I was under there, Jim.
She put me under.
She's really wonderful, isn't she? You know, I really think she likes me.
(TIRES SCREECHING) Oh, no.
Stop in the name of the law! (PANTING) Lance, I think you better load that gat.
Look at this guy, this cat.
He's chasing Daffy all over the place, he runs right off the roof.
Kaplooie.
Whacko.
Right in the puss.
Watch the egg on top of his head raising, look at it.
Couldn't we find a news program or the Saturday Boston Pops or something, Fred? Hey, why don't you turn on the Dodgers ball game? It's gonna be on in about five minutes.
We can watch them while we're eating.
Look at him go, he's chasing him.
The little duck goes under the Dutch doors, the cat doesn't see it.
Whack! Boing! Maybe we should forget about lunch and follow up a lead or something.
Which lead did you have in mind, Lance? We don't have one, Jim.
Then I guess it'll be a little hard to follow up then.
Come on, you and I both know that when you need a lead one always shows up.
That's the way it works.
No, it never shows up, Lance, never.
Watch my lips, never.
Hey, guys, look at this.
What's that? When I found the senator last night, that was in his hand.
Sure it was.
Yeah, I put it in my pocket and forgot all about it.
This could be the lead we've been waiting for, Jim.
Wait, wait a minute.
Let me get this straight.
Ten seconds ago, we had no leads.
Nothing, hmm? That's right.
And now, Beamer pulls this picture of a band leader or something out of his pocket and says it was in the dead man's hand.
And now he tells us it's been in his coat for 18 hours, and it shows up right when we need it, hmm? That's exactly right, Jim.
What's the problem? Oh, no problem.
No, no problem at all.
I just wanted to get it straight.
I may wanna tell an analyst.
(LAUGHS) Well, I think we should follow this lead and catch our murderer.
Oh, nothing to it, eh, Lance? Well, it won't be easy.
These things never are.
You know, this guy looks like an army officer or something.
There's something different about him.
I can't quite put my finger on it.
Oh, yeah, yeah, sure.
See, the hat.
The way he's got it on the back, a little to the side.
Of course, if it had a feather in it, I'd feel a lot better about it.
Well, sure, it's going to be hard, thankless leg work, getting out there, hitting the bus depots, finding who this driver is.
A bus driver? Absolutely.
That's an RTD uniform.
You see, ever since the energy crisis, I've taken to riding buses for all non-essential driving, Jim.
We have to conserve.
It's a little inconvenient, but I like to do my part.
Shall we get going? Mmm.
VERN ON TV: There is no doubt in the minds of the U.
A.
L.
I.
That Fred Beamer committed the horrible murder of Senator Zinota.
Now, why the police let him go is hard to understand.
So, there you have it as the story unfolds.
Mr.
Beamer was let out on bond this morning.
As of this broadcast, he remains at large.
This is Clyde Matson from the Gene Autry Suite of the Hopalong Cassidy Hotel.
This guy's gonna fry me if he keeps talking like that.
The police are gonna have no choice but to arrest me.
Come on, Fred.
Things will work out.
They always do.
We gotta put a cork in Vern St.
Cloud.
Yeah, Vern St.
Cloud, please.
James Rockford.
Yeah.
Yes, it is convention business.
Yeah.
When? All right.
Yes, thank you.
Larry St.
Cloud got beat up a couple of hours ago.
Vern's on his way to the hospital.
So, let's go.
(SIGHS) Let's go.
LANCE: Hey, things will work out, Fred.
Buck up.
Every dark cloud has a silver lining.
I just love it when you talk like that.
It's great.
I know.
Everybody does.
That's why I do it.
All right, all right.
Come on, let's go.
Come on.
WOMAN ON PA: Dr.
St.
Clare.
Dr.
St.
Clare.
He's in 357.
Call Cardiology.
What happened to you? Who beat Larry up? Well, Larry and me, we was working on this real tough surveillance case, a fight fixing thing.
And Larry, he was taking pictures and he got spotted.
LARRY: Get them out of here, Uncle Vern.
You heard the punk.
Out.
Okay, Vern.
But you lay off the TV spots.
You keep turning up the heat on Beamer, we can't move.
Well, pardon me all to hell.
Just lay off.
How you doing, Lar? Can you get them out of here, Uncle Vern? Hey, a guy's gotta do what a guy's gotta do.
LANCE: A PI will get roughed up now and again, but don't seek revenge, Larry.
Two wrongs don't make a right.
Uncle Vern.
VERN: Will you let the kid alone? I have a picture here.
Maybe of the killer, maybe not.
We're off to find out.
Recognize him? Wasn't this guy a band leader? A bus driver.
Says who? Says Lance.
He rides the bus to conserve fuel.
Oh, I was gonna tell one of those energy jokes at the convention.
You know what the Arab said to the gas pump? Just can it, Vern, huh? And you lay off the press, or we're gonna file assault and battery charges.
You hit Beamer this morning.
Lance and I are witnesses.
Can you get them out of here, Uncle Vern? I think I'm gonna hemorrhage.
You heard the punk.
Out.
Get out! Now I know where I saw that guy.
Who? Who? Larry St.
Cloud.
He's the guy who came out of the bathroom.
He's the guy I passed.
Larry? He's 5'7" and slender.
What happened to the gorilla with the feathered hat? Jim, I had to tell her something.
She was nice.
Oh, that's great, Beamer.
You're just great! The missing link, Jim.
LANCE: You all right, Mr.
St.
Cloud? Oh, that punk kid.
He hit me after all I done for him.
Where'd he go? I don't know.
He just hit me and took off.
The dispatcher recognizes him.
His name is Carl Richman.
He's on number 5396.
It's coming together like a great piece of music.
A state senator and a bus driver.
What's the connection? Some things you just have to accept.
You know, this is just a hunch, Jim, but I think the bus driver had something on the senator.
Maybe the senator was having an affair with the bus driver's wife.
Just where did that come from? Hunches don't come from any place, Jim.
They're just hunches.
That's how we solve our cases.
We get hunches, they turn out to be right, and the case gets solved.
Gee, I don't know how you survive as a private investigator, Jim.
You don't seem to know any of this stuff.
That's right.
End of the line.
Everybody out.
You got that right.
You? Why? It's one thing when you come to me and you barf about the senator having an affair with your wife.
But it's another when you barf to everybody about our arrangement.
Well, you never said you were gonna kill him.
It happened.
You gave me the info on the senator and your wife, and I paid you good for it.
Now you're nothing but a loose end.
Now move it.
Come on, move it.
That looks like it.
Let's go.
That's it.
That's the bus.
We'll pull it over, Jim.
We'll board it.
How, Lance? Something will turn up.
(POLICE SIREN BLARING) Good.
Good.
That's exactly what we need.
What are you doing? I have to stop.
Okay, get ready, Jim.
Never mind that, just keep moving.
Move it! Come on, move it! What now, Lance? Trust me! (HONKING HORN) (HONKING HORN) We've got company.
Take the next right.
(HORN BLARING) Put 'em up! I hated to do that.
Hey, Jim.
Lance is just wonderful, isn't he? "Trust me.
" VERN: And so on behalf of my nephew and myself, I'd like to apologize to this entire body here.
Apparently, Larry decided that because the St.
Cloud Agency had invested in so many electronic surveillance doohickeys, that the senator's legislation would hurt our business.
Kill it, probably.
So Larry started surveillance on the senator.
He obtained evidence that the senator was having an affair with a bus driver's wife.
He tried to blackmail him into withdrawing the legislation, but the senator wouldn't buffalo.
So Larry got angry, he lost control and he killed him.
Now Beamer saw Larry, witnessed them in the men's room.
So apparently Larry hired two other guys to kill him.
And when they failed, there was a dispute about the payment, and Larry was beaten up.
And you know the rest.
Is this thing on? Can you hear me? Now, before we adjourn, there are two pieces of unfinished business.
Apparently, the committee feels that this fella, Beamer, the mechanic, should be in the association.
So as of now, he's in.
I'm in.
I'm in the association.
Lance.
Thank you, Lance.
Jim was the one who did it.
And finally, I asked for a recount on the Goodhue votes, and, just as I suspected, there was an error in the count.
The real winner of the Goodhue award this year, and just as we expected, was Lance White.
Not James S.
Rockford, as previously announced.
Rockford will have to surrender his statuette to the award committee on or before the 15th of this month.
Lance! Come on up here and get your award.
Oh, Jim, I'm sorry.
Hey, forget it, Lance.
The nomination is the award, as I always say.
But you've gotta get yourself in focus.
This is the pendant, honey, okay? Stop looking at my chest.
This guy is the killer.
And you can quote me on that one.
Don't shoot at him, you turkeys! We have a killer who looks like Kato and dresses like Bozo the Clown.
Well, I think we should follow this lead and catch our killer, Jim.
Oh, nothing to it, eh, Lance? Well, it won't be easy.
These things never are.
What now, Lance? (PHONE RINGING) ROCKFORD ON ANSWERING MACHINE: This is Jim Rockford.
At the tone, leave your name and message.
I'll get back to you.
(BEEPS) DUSENBERG: Jim, Frank.
I put a new outlet in the kitchen.
I lay in the cable and the box.
Then I pulled the breaker, just like you said, and both of my TVsets start burning.
What do I do now? With the convention, sir? Huh? Valet parking.
Huh? Would you like me to park your car, sir? This is my first convention.
Where do I go? Ballroom, second floor.
Okay.
Valet? No, why don't you just park my car? I'll use the bathroom upstairs.
First nomination, I hear.
Yeah, this is the first time.
Carmine was nominated for the Goodhue in '56.
He didn't win, but he should have.
Well, I think the nomination is actually the award.
Don't you believe it, Rockford.
Nobody cares for a loser.
What was it you did that got you nominated? Well, it was really kind of technical.
In its own way, it was fascinating.
You know, it set precedent in the field of accident insurance.
Probably ended up in a hell of a shooting, huh? Well, no, no, no, actually, what I did was I timed the affidavits that were issued during the investigative phase Carmine was in a shootout in '56.
He was wounded, but he saved the bank hostages.
He should have won the Goodhue that year.
Everybody said so.
Carmine, honey, show him your scar.
I got a slug in the right arm.
Here, I'll show you.
See, the thing that intrigued me about the case was there were six statements and all of them corresponded to the investigating officers' original report.
Sounds like a good deal.
Here you go.
Take a look at this.
Nice.
This case that you were nominated for.
What's it about? You You researched something? Yeah, yeah.
It was really kind of fascinating.
Come on, May.
Don't let the poor guy go over it again.
Let's get some more booze.
Yeah, well, see you.
Hello, Carmine.
Hi, Lance.
Boy.
There goes a swell guy.
You know, Carmine should've won the Goodhue in '56.
But that's life.
Well, fellow nominee, how's tricks? Well, I'm not having too much luck with this drink.
This is your first nomination, isn't it? Yeah, yeah.
First time ever.
But I think the nomination is really the award.
And you deserve it.
I think you should win.
Well, I don't think so.
As a matter of fact, I think you will, Lance.
The case I had was a bit of a snore.
Just a bunch of silly timings of a bunch of silly affidavits.
Come on, Jim.
What are you talking about? You think that because you weren't nominated for some cornball shootout that you're not gonna win? What you did set legal precedent in accident cases that'll stand for years.
Timing those affidavits.
Finding the two minute and 35 second omission Fifty-seven.
Oh, I beg your pardon.
Not that it matters, but it was two minutes and 57 seconds that was missing.
I think it's fascinating, Jim.
And just between you and me, I voted for you, because I think it's that kind of nose-to-the-books investigation that should be recognized in our industry more.
I wish you hadn't of voted for me, Lance.
Oh? Why? Well, I didn't vote for you.
I voted for myself.
Really? Oh, well.
In my whole life, I never voted for myself.
I always do.
Well, I guess I shouldn't have sent the letter, either.
Letter? Well, the one asking the membership to vote for you on the grounds that accident investigation law is an important and growing part of our industry.
Lance, I mean, really, there was nothing to it.
I mean, it's just a bunch of silly timings.
You know, I wrote my doctoral thesis in evidentiary procedure on the pre-trial phase of accident investigation.
It's a fascinating field, Jim.
And you're on the leading edge of it.
Doctoral? You have a doctorate? It's nothing, really.
I took some night school courses, did it in my spare time.
See, I always say that spare time is a resource.
We should use it wisely.
What do you do in your free time, Jim? Fish.
Sometimes I go to the ball game.
Hey, fellas.
Uncle Vern wants to get things started.
Good luck, Lance.
I voted for you, despite the letter that you sent.
Thank you, Larry.
I think Rockford's case is a real drowsy number.
I just can't get behind it.
Yeah, well, I I think the nomination is really the award.
Crap-ola.
Cute kid.
Vern's business has really picked up since he brought his nephew in.
Larry's a very aggressive guy.
He's brought in a lot of new electronic surveillance equipment.
Don't you think we ought to get seated? You know, they really should have put us at a table near the front.
You're going to have a long walk.
Testing, one, two, three.
One, two, three.
Is this working? MAN: Sure, it's working! Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to the 27th annual awards dinner of the United Association of Licensed Investigators.
May I start by welcoming all our out-of-state guests and by saying how glad we are to have you with us.
And, well, without any further ado, I'd like to introduce the president of our association, and my uncle, and just one all-around great guy, Vern "The Hawk" St.
Cloud.
Come on up, Uncle Vern.
A funny thing happened on the way to the convention tonight.
I stopped to get a bite to eat in a restaurant, and I ordered the chicken a la Maserati.
Well, it turned out to be a hen that was run over by an Italian sports car.
(LAUGHS) Vern's as funny as ever.
He's trying, Jim.
Give him a chance.
But seriously, folks.
The saddest thing in the world is a one-fingered pickpocket.
All he can steal is Life Savers.
(LAUGHS) (CLEARS THRO AT) Okay.
Now that we've had a good laugh, I'd like to move right along to the business at hand, the presenting of the Goodhue.
Well, the Goodhue is awarded annually by the membership to the private detective who has done the most for his profession this year.
Now, without further ado, I'd like to get right on with the nominees.
The nominees are James Scott Rockford of Rockford Investigations for evidentiary research in the precedent-setting Rittenhouse Insurance Group versus Federated Van Lines.
Rockford spent hours timing affidavits and finally discovered a missing two minutes and 35 seconds in a tape.
Fifty-seven.
It resulted in the case being won or something.
Nice, Jim.
(PEOPLE APPLAUD) The next nominee, which is Lance White of Lance White Investigations.
Lance saved three 10-year-old girls from certain death, risked his life in the midst of gunfire and brought all three to safety.
He received this city's meritorious achievement award, the mayor's plaque, and the chief of police intends to honor him for bravery at the June policeman's banquet with the medal of valor award.
Now, let's hear it for Lance.
One incredible act of heroism! (AUDIENCE APPLAUDING) (PEOPLE WHISTLING) And the third nominee is Mike Sheffield.
He was wounded attempting to keep surveillance on a top underworld figure.
And he pulled himself out of his car and continued the surveillance on foot, eventually observing a heroin transaction.
Now, that's hanging in there! Unfortunately, Sheff's still in the hospital recovering from that one.
But we'll keep his Goodhue for him.
Okay.
Now the envelope, please.
(MAN WHOOPING) And the winner is Well, apparently the winner is James S.
Rockford.
(LANCE APPLAUDING) Don't make it too windy, Rockford.
It's a long agenda.
Just say, "Thank you.
" Thank you.
(PEOPLE APPLAUD) Thank you? What kind of acceptance speech is that, kid? (LAUGHS) Now, while we're getting ready to dig into those terrific roast beef dinners, I'd like to move right along and present the speaker of the evening, Senator Harmon D.
Zinota.
(PEOPLE MUTTERING) Come on.
Wait a minute now.
I know he's not very popular with this group.
We all know that he's been trying to get invasion of privacy measures passed in this state that some of you feel will hurt our industry.
It's gonna put us all out of business, that's what it's gonna do, Vern.
What do we have to listen to him for? VERN: We felt we should hear from Senator Zinota personally.
Learn firsthand what he intends.
It's a very important issue.
It affects our very livelihoods.
Now I'd like to present to you Senator Harmon D.
Zinota.
Senator Zinota? Senator Harmon D.
Zinota.
Senator Zinota? Senator Zinota? Hello there.
Is this thing working? Senator Zinota? What's going on in here? What'd you do to him? (STAMMERING) Hey, no.
I mean, I Now wait a sec.
(GRUNTS) Help! Help! Help! Help! Help! He killed the senator! He killed the senator! GUARD 1: Hold it, you! GUARD 2: Hey, buddy, wait up! ROCKFORD: Freddie! Beamer! GUARD 1: Stop! Hold it, fella! Somebody call the police.
Anybody see who did this? It was that mechanic guy, the one who's always putting stories in Detective Digest.
What's his name? Bummer? Beamer! (GRUNTS) GUARD 1: Hold it right there! Don't shoot at him, you turkeys! Wrong way! Stop! Stop! Hey, watch it! BEAMER: Oh, no, I'm out of gas.
Oh, no.
What's wrong, Freddie, huh? Why'd you run? Huh? Why'd you run? Huh? Why did you run? Huh? Why did you run, Freddie? Because people were chasing me, Jim.
Okay, come on, you're gonna turn yourself in.
I don't wanna.
You're gonna.
I don't wanna! I don't wanna! You're gonna! You're gonna! Come on.
You didn't kill him, right, Freddie? Who? Kill who? Senator Zinota.
Is he dead, too? Then who was that guy in the can, Jim? Senator Zinota.
That was the guy in the bathroom.
The guy in the bathroom was (STUTTERS) Oh, no! Freddie! Freddie! Freddie? Freddie? Hey, Freddie.
Huh? Oh, no.
Are you there, Freddie? Hey, hey, hey, come on.
No.
Oh, no.
All right, come on, Freddie.
Fred! Freddie, there must have been 200 guys in that room, any one of which could have had a motive to kill that senator.
You just happened to be the one who stumbled in after he got killed.
I always dreamt of winning a Goodhue.
I always dreamed it.
I guess my career's over now.
My Goodhue will never come.
Freddie, this thing isn't going to be too hard to beat.
If you hadn't run, you'd probably be home free.
A Goodhue.
I am holding a Goodhue.
Freddie.
Hey, Freddie.
Hello, Freddie! You know, Jim, this proves that you are the best private eye in the world.
Now, if I have to turn myself in, I wanna know you're gonna help me.
Hey, Freddie, this thing isn't too much.
As far as my being a good private eye, there must be, oh, a hundred, a thousand guys that you could hire who could do the same Jim, I want you to promise me you're gonna help me.
Freddie, Freddie, if I had the time, I'd be in there swinging with both hands.
But my problem is right now is A Goodhue.
I am holding a Goodhue.
Freddie! Will you quit it with the Goodhue, huh? It's just a dumb award.
It's nothing! Jim, that's your Goodhue! Freddie! It's a dumb statue! Now, forget it, will you? It's nothing! You're in some trouble, Freddie, and I'm willing to help you.
But you've gotta get yourself in focus.
They are gonna hang me, aren't they, Jim? They're not gonna hang you, Freddie.
They're gonna give you a lie detector test, that clears you.
Bing, bang, boom, you're out the front door and you are home sleeping tonight.
A test? Jim, I am no good at tests.
Even in elementary school when they were easy.
Sometimes I don't even understand the questions.
Freddie, it is not a hard test.
They're going to ask you some questions and you tell them the truth.
Oh.
I can do that.
Well, which is it? Freddie Beamer or Arnold Beamer? Well, it's Freddie now, but I was born Arnold.
I changed it because I found out I didn't like Arnie as much as I thought I was gonna like it when I found out that was my name.
I need a yes or no answer, Lieutenant.
Phrase the question so he gives us a yes or a no.
Is your name Fred Beamer? That is what I am trying to tell you.
Yes or no, mister? Yes! For the last five years.
Before that it was Arnold.
I'm not very good at tests.
I probably should have told you guys that.
I'd probably be a lot better if I had my glasses, but Rockford knocked them off and I couldn't find them.
(CLEARS THROAT) Okay, I'll make a short statement here.
REPORTER: Are you helping the police? Is this thing working? Can I hear me? Of course.
Let's go.
We're rolling.
Okay.
Now, what happened was our convention was destroyed by this mechanic, who I want you to know is not a member of the United Association of Licensed Investigators.
Now, this guy tried to get in a half a dozen times, but we blocked him because he doesn't have the credentials and because he spends three or four days a week working on cars.
How about the murder? Do the police have any solid evidence? Solid evidence? You kidding? They got the guy who did it.
He gonged the senator in the john and took off.
Come on, fellas.
What do you want? This guy is the killer.
And you can quote me on that one if you like.
That's all for now.
Wait a minute, Uncle Vern, I've got something to say.
Gentlemen, the U.
A.
L.
I.
Would like to let you know that we're setting up an information center, and any further statements to the press will be made at the Hopalong Cassidy Suite at the Gene Autry Hotel.
Thank you very much.
REPORTER 1: Are you guys helping the police? Come on, give us some answers, will you? REPORTER 2: It has to be political.
Jim? Hey, Jim.
ROCKFORD: Yeah, Freddie? Jim, I didn't pass.
What are you doing here, Rockford? I brought him in, remember? So, what are you looking for? A letter of recommendation? Move out of the way.
Come on, let's go.
Lancer.
How's tricks, Chappy? It's a tough one.
Real tough.
The guy Yeah? He's a driveller.
Oh, no.
You got it.
A real loser.
Damn near shorted the lie machine.
Don't have enough on him to hold him for murder, so I'm just gonna drop the hot car charges on him hoping he can't make the bail.
Some days are like that, Chappy.
The case? Yeah? Can I help? I hope so, Lance.
I'm hanging out a mile on this one.
I could use your help.
Hey, Chappy.
Yeah, Lancer? Count on it.
(SIGHS) Hell of a guy.
Fred Beamer.
I would have been here sooner, but my bondsman made me go all the way to Malibu just to get the pink slip to my car.
Oh, that's heartbreaking.
Just sign the release here.
Now, look, you can probably get some coffee, and then you can pick your friend up out back in about 20 minutes.
Who is it? Who's there? Lance.
Where'd you go? Well, I had to pick this up at the desk.
You can't take it into the jail area.
You can't take a radio in jail? How come? It's a gun.
You can't take a gun.
Oh, a gun.
Hey, I carry a gun.
Hey, a PI's got to pack a gat, right? It's part of the job.
Well, that's the kind of fallacy that can get people killed, Fred.
You see, a gun is a tool.
A dangerous tool.
A tool that we professionals must respect because a person can get hurt with a gun.
And that's why I never load this one.
That's why I know that no one will ever suffer because Lance White was invited on a case.
That's what you tell the cops so you can pack the heater, but you and I both know it's a jungle out there.
I mean, after all, we stalk the night.
Sometimes a PI has got to pull his iron and drill holes in mobsters because the PI's life's insecure, it's dangerous.
Death comes quickly on little cat feet (BEAMER GROANS) You all right? You okay? Fred? (GROANING) What we'll do is we'll go back to my place, sit down with a little cognac and some Respighi and work this out.
I never liked Respighi very much.
They always put too much cheese on it.
Mind if we have a steak and a beer, or something like that? Respighi is a classical composer, Fred.
We listen to his music, and it helps us to relax.
You see, the human mind is a wonderful and resourceful tool.
A tool that stores and catalogs all sorts of information, some that we don't even remember.
For instance, when you went into the bathroom, was anyone coming or going in or out that you remember? Yeah, sure.
Who? Me.
See? Already we're making some progress.
Are you all right? What happened to your glasses? I lost them when Rockford tackled me in the bushes.
Well, let's go find them.
Where were you? Westlake Drive, I don't know where.
Westlake Drive? The police will have marked the spot where the stolen car was.
Shouldn't be too hard to find.
Rockford tried.
He couldn't find them.
Nonsense.
BEAMER: Where is Rockford, anyway? Oh, he's around someplace.
I'm really disappointed.
He said he'd help me out on this deal.
LANCE: Well, he'll turn up shortly.
Lance, Beamer? Oh, excuse me, excuse me.
Lance! Beamer! Lance! Lance! LANCE: Did you ever stop to think that the light from the sun, Fred, has traveled trillions, hundreds of millions of miles just to light up this day? We're never gonna find my glasses.
Rockford hunted.
He really did.
When you look at the sun and the stars, the majesty of the firmaments, our little problems here in space and time just seem very small indeed.
And when you add to that the fact that you have friends, good friends, friends who want to help you, Fred, well, this old world just seems a whole lot better, doesn't it, Fred? Don't you think you ought to load that gat in case we gotta smoke a bad guy or something? Here we are.
Police markers right ahead.
I'll get your glasses.
You'll never find them.
It fell down in those bushes there, Lance.
You'll never find them in those weeds.
Hey, you're Lance White.
I've seen you about a half a dozen times.
Now I know who you are.
Welcome to the case, Fred.
Now, let's go do what I like to call a little skull work.
We'll buckle on the old think hat and see what we come up with.
It was right along here on this road somewhere where Rockford threw his Goodhue away.
Threw it away? Yeah, he said it was just an award.
It didn't mean anything.
You know, I'm proud of Jim for knowing that.
For realizing that a little brass and marble isn't important.
It's what we learn from the achievement that counts.
LANCE: That's Jim's car.
What's he doing here? What you doing, Jim? (STAMMERING) Oh, well, nothing.
I was I lost my Goodhue? Yeah, yeah.
Well, I I thought it might be good in the trailer.
You know, just good for business.
Oh, I don't think so, Jim.
I have seven of them and I keep them in the closet.
You see, I don't believe in displaying awards.
I think it's what we learn from the achievement that counts.
But let me see if I can help.
Well, I don't think you're going to find it.
I looked for the thing for 15 minutes.
I don't Let's go back to my place.
We've got some skull work to do.
This guy's great, isn't he, Jim? You should've seen the way he found my glasses.
Yeah? Yeah, well, I don't even know why I was looking for it.
I just happened to be driving by here at the time.
(CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYING) Okay.
I remember Senator Zinota left about three minutes before the scream was heard.
I also remember Beamer leaving about 30 seconds before the scream.
Wait a minute.
You remember all that? Of course, Jim.
Don't you? No.
There were people coming and going.
In and out.
How can you remember that? I don't know.
I just do.
It's funny, isn't it? Well, it's a couple of notches past funny, Lance.
It's ridiculous.
I always remember most everything that happens.
I usually do.
I have total recall.
The mind is a wonderful tool, Jim.
How would you know? Mikelson left almost right after Beamer.
Then Mrs.
Tooley.
Then old Don Frazier came back from the kitchen.
I remember the waiter made a left-to-right cross in front of me with a tray of glasses.
He was taking it into the lobby.
That's the tray that Mikelson fell into.
Lance Then Tom Sherrill went to the bar in the lobby.
He came back with two drinks.
One of them looked like a Scotch, the other was a soda.
Lance Then one of the Escobal brothers, Raoul, I think it was, went into the bar.
He was limping slightly.
Lance, nobody can remember that good.
I mean, nobody.
Oh, you're right.
I'm fuzzing out on a few things right in here.
Oh, well, how could you? Right when you were getting up to my acceptance speech.
And it was a lovely speech, too, Jim.
I said, "Thank you," Lance.
"Thank you" is not a lovely speech.
What I'm getting at here is I don't think, given the way I have reconstructed it, that Fred could have had the time to kill the senator.
I think I'd swear to that.
This guy is terrific, Jim, you know that? Oh, yeah, he's really terrific.
You know, Lance is perfect.
Yeah.
Lance is perfect.
He never makes a mistake.
It's the Fosdick Syndrome that causes all the damage.
You see, the people in back and on the sides always eat it.
I understand that you're bitter, Jim, because on our last case I got the girl.
You got the girl, you got her father's company and five million dollars.
I got bad shrimp at the wedding.
She died, you know.
Two months after our marriage.
(STAMMERING) I'm sorry, Lance.
That's just It has been a bad day.
It was bittersweet at the end.
We knew she was going.
Took a trip.
The last weeks were paradise.
After she went, you know what I did, Jim? You gave away all the money you inherited.
To the Boys Club of America.
Do you think we could get back to the case here? If Freddie didn't kill Zinota, who did? It's a good question, Lance.
Who did? That is something we are going to find out.
My friend, I think it's time for another clue to pop up.
It doesn't work like that, Lance.
Sure it does.
Fred will remember something, and we'll be on our way.
BEAMER: Now that you mention it, Lance, I do remember something.
Of course you do.
What is it? A guy coming out of the head.
I passed him going in the door.
Don't you love it, Jim? I hate it.
It always unravels just like this.
Just when you think you're out of luck, up pops a clue! It's what makes this job worth doing.
Who was it? I don't know.
I didn't look at him.
Sure you did.
The human mind is a wonderful tool, Fred.
You just don't remember what you saw.
But I have someone who'll help us with that.
A hypnotist.
Her name is Brandy Alexander.
She owes me a favor.
You see, I saved her life once.
Long, long time ago.
(GLASS SHATTERING) I'm sorry.
It's all right, Jim.
It's not important, I understand.
Let's take my car.
Hi, Vern.
How's tricks? How's tricks? Is he kidding? Makes us look like a bunch of bongo players! LANCE: We're working on a hot lead, Vern.
Beamer remembers a guy leaving the bathroom as he was entering it.
It had to be the killer.
Oh, sure, this make-believe shamus remembers a guy coming out, huh? That's his alibi! Don't you see that? He killed him! He gonged poor Senator Zinota to death.
Squashed his melon in the can.
Who do you guys think you're kidding here? I didn't touch him.
You did it, bub! Where does this guy get off? You say that one more time, and Fred Beamer is gonna take action.
And that is a warning.
Oh, look at me.
I'm shaking all over.
You did it, Sherlock.
And Larry and me are gonna prove it.
That's it.
Put 'em up.
Oh, come on.
Put 'em up.
(LAUGHS) (GRUNTS) Now, if you guys are smart, you'll dump him back in stir when he comes to.
(ENGINE STARTING) I'll teach that guy to mouth off.
Freddie, let me tell you something.
Freddie, there's one thing you never do.
You never say, "Put 'em up.
" You smile at the guy, then sucker punch him.
You always say, "Put 'em up," Jim, to let your opponent know you're about to swing.
There, you see? You see what I'm telling you about this guy? You take his advice, you're gonna spend half your life sitting down hard.
Jim, I think we should get to Brandy's house and find out what Fred knows.
I'm telling you, Lance, I just don't think that a hypnotism is going to work here.
Oh, it always does.
She'll put him under and he'll remember everything he saw.
Every little detail.
I don't believe she'll be able to hypnotize Freddie.
Sure she will.
Now, I know what I'm talking about, Lance.
In order to hypnotize Beamer, what does he have to do? Nothing.
No, no, no.
One thing.
What is it? I don't know.
Concentrate.
You see? I can't see.
Where are my glasses? See? BRANDY: You're feeling drowsy, very drowsy.
Your eyelids feel very heavy.
So heavy you can't hold them open any longer.
You're feeling sleepy.
You're concentrating on sleep.
Your eyes are very heavy.
You want to close them.
Close your eyes.
Close your eyes.
Close your eyes, buster.
Am I under now? I feel like I'm under.
(SIGHS) I really think I'm under here.
I feel very sleepy.
Okay, okay.
We're going to start from the top.
Try and concentrate, okay? I think I was under there.
At the end there, for a second or so.
I was really under.
It was great.
Okay.
Now, just relax.
Okay.
I want you to look at the pendant, okay? Okay.
This is the pendant, honey, okay? Stop looking at my chest.
Okay.
If you help me, I can help you.
Good.
Good.
Now You're feeling drowsy.
Very sleepy.
Your eyes are feeling heavy.
You want to go to sleep.
Your eyes want to close.
You're fighting to keep them open.
Finally.
Finally they close.
Good.
You're going under.
You're sinking deeper and deeper, but you can hear every word that I say.
You will listen only to the sound of my voice.
Good.
All right, we're going back to last night.
The banquet at the hotel.
You go to the bathroom.
You walk in and you pass a man on his way out of the bathroom.
Do you remember, Fred? I remember.
I passed him on the way to the bathroom.
He's faking it.
(SHUSHING) BRANDY: And you glanced at the man.
I glanced at the man.
And you saw him.
I saw him.
And you're going to describe him now.
I am going to describe him now.
So, do it, honey, okay? BEAMER: I Six foot four.
Bald and muscular.
Very, very muscular.
Good.
What was he wearing? He was wearing He was wearing What was he wearing? Clothes.
He was wearing clothes.
What kind of clothes was he wearing? He was wearing nice clothes.
Nice.
Kelly green jacket, bright blue slacks and he had a hat with a feather.
Okay.
Open your eyes.
(SIGHS) Look, I'm sorry.
Do you want me to try again? What a strange feeling.
I was really under there.
You really put me under.
Whammo! Under I went.
She's good.
You're great.
Hey, Lance, she's terrific.
You really are.
You're terrific.
How did you know he was bald if he was wearing a hat? A hat? I'm telling you he's faking it, folks.
Faking it? Listen, I was under there, and I remember that guy.
You were wonderful.
Yeah.
Look, I don't think he was hypnotized, but you can't tell.
Maybe.
He doesn't concentrate very well, so it's hard to get him to sleep.
You did the best you could.
And we have more now than we had a minute ago.
Oh, sure.
We have a killer who looks like Kato and dresses like Bozo the Clown.
(CHUCKLES) How much do I owe you, Brandy? I'd settle for a dinner.
I wish I could.
I have so little time these days.
I'm open on Friday night.
I'm open right now.
Please call me, Lance.
Please, I miss you.
And I miss you.
Why is it that circumstances keep us apart? That's a tough one.
Would you mind giving us a moment alone? Oh, sure, sure.
Shall we wait in the car? We don't really just have a moment, do we? Time is valuable, Brandy, and I'm on a case.
Perhaps some other time.
You know, I really think she liked me, Jim.
I would've paid her or tipped her, but I don't think you have to do that with friends, do you? Well, while we're on the delicate subject of money, Freddie.
You know, I put my car up as security against your bail.
I'd kind of like to get that little arrangement squared away.
Jim Lance made my bail.
Wrong.
No, Lance picked you up.
I signed the bail bond papers.
So I'm the one that's on the hook for you.
Sure.
That's him with the glasses.
What's he doing? He's moving back and forth like a duck in a shooting gallery.
Let's take him on the next cross.
I was under there, Jim.
She put me under.
She's really wonderful, isn't she? You know, I really think she likes me.
(TIRES SCREECHING) Oh, no.
Stop in the name of the law! (PANTING) Lance, I think you better load that gat.
Look at this guy, this cat.
He's chasing Daffy all over the place, he runs right off the roof.
Kaplooie.
Whacko.
Right in the puss.
Watch the egg on top of his head raising, look at it.
Couldn't we find a news program or the Saturday Boston Pops or something, Fred? Hey, why don't you turn on the Dodgers ball game? It's gonna be on in about five minutes.
We can watch them while we're eating.
Look at him go, he's chasing him.
The little duck goes under the Dutch doors, the cat doesn't see it.
Whack! Boing! Maybe we should forget about lunch and follow up a lead or something.
Which lead did you have in mind, Lance? We don't have one, Jim.
Then I guess it'll be a little hard to follow up then.
Come on, you and I both know that when you need a lead one always shows up.
That's the way it works.
No, it never shows up, Lance, never.
Watch my lips, never.
Hey, guys, look at this.
What's that? When I found the senator last night, that was in his hand.
Sure it was.
Yeah, I put it in my pocket and forgot all about it.
This could be the lead we've been waiting for, Jim.
Wait, wait a minute.
Let me get this straight.
Ten seconds ago, we had no leads.
Nothing, hmm? That's right.
And now, Beamer pulls this picture of a band leader or something out of his pocket and says it was in the dead man's hand.
And now he tells us it's been in his coat for 18 hours, and it shows up right when we need it, hmm? That's exactly right, Jim.
What's the problem? Oh, no problem.
No, no problem at all.
I just wanted to get it straight.
I may wanna tell an analyst.
(LAUGHS) Well, I think we should follow this lead and catch our murderer.
Oh, nothing to it, eh, Lance? Well, it won't be easy.
These things never are.
You know, this guy looks like an army officer or something.
There's something different about him.
I can't quite put my finger on it.
Oh, yeah, yeah, sure.
See, the hat.
The way he's got it on the back, a little to the side.
Of course, if it had a feather in it, I'd feel a lot better about it.
Well, sure, it's going to be hard, thankless leg work, getting out there, hitting the bus depots, finding who this driver is.
A bus driver? Absolutely.
That's an RTD uniform.
You see, ever since the energy crisis, I've taken to riding buses for all non-essential driving, Jim.
We have to conserve.
It's a little inconvenient, but I like to do my part.
Shall we get going? Mmm.
VERN ON TV: There is no doubt in the minds of the U.
A.
L.
I.
That Fred Beamer committed the horrible murder of Senator Zinota.
Now, why the police let him go is hard to understand.
So, there you have it as the story unfolds.
Mr.
Beamer was let out on bond this morning.
As of this broadcast, he remains at large.
This is Clyde Matson from the Gene Autry Suite of the Hopalong Cassidy Hotel.
This guy's gonna fry me if he keeps talking like that.
The police are gonna have no choice but to arrest me.
Come on, Fred.
Things will work out.
They always do.
We gotta put a cork in Vern St.
Cloud.
Yeah, Vern St.
Cloud, please.
James Rockford.
Yeah.
Yes, it is convention business.
Yeah.
When? All right.
Yes, thank you.
Larry St.
Cloud got beat up a couple of hours ago.
Vern's on his way to the hospital.
So, let's go.
(SIGHS) Let's go.
LANCE: Hey, things will work out, Fred.
Buck up.
Every dark cloud has a silver lining.
I just love it when you talk like that.
It's great.
I know.
Everybody does.
That's why I do it.
All right, all right.
Come on, let's go.
Come on.
WOMAN ON PA: Dr.
St.
Clare.
Dr.
St.
Clare.
He's in 357.
Call Cardiology.
What happened to you? Who beat Larry up? Well, Larry and me, we was working on this real tough surveillance case, a fight fixing thing.
And Larry, he was taking pictures and he got spotted.
LARRY: Get them out of here, Uncle Vern.
You heard the punk.
Out.
Okay, Vern.
But you lay off the TV spots.
You keep turning up the heat on Beamer, we can't move.
Well, pardon me all to hell.
Just lay off.
How you doing, Lar? Can you get them out of here, Uncle Vern? Hey, a guy's gotta do what a guy's gotta do.
LANCE: A PI will get roughed up now and again, but don't seek revenge, Larry.
Two wrongs don't make a right.
Uncle Vern.
VERN: Will you let the kid alone? I have a picture here.
Maybe of the killer, maybe not.
We're off to find out.
Recognize him? Wasn't this guy a band leader? A bus driver.
Says who? Says Lance.
He rides the bus to conserve fuel.
Oh, I was gonna tell one of those energy jokes at the convention.
You know what the Arab said to the gas pump? Just can it, Vern, huh? And you lay off the press, or we're gonna file assault and battery charges.
You hit Beamer this morning.
Lance and I are witnesses.
Can you get them out of here, Uncle Vern? I think I'm gonna hemorrhage.
You heard the punk.
Out.
Get out! Now I know where I saw that guy.
Who? Who? Larry St.
Cloud.
He's the guy who came out of the bathroom.
He's the guy I passed.
Larry? He's 5'7" and slender.
What happened to the gorilla with the feathered hat? Jim, I had to tell her something.
She was nice.
Oh, that's great, Beamer.
You're just great! The missing link, Jim.
LANCE: You all right, Mr.
St.
Cloud? Oh, that punk kid.
He hit me after all I done for him.
Where'd he go? I don't know.
He just hit me and took off.
The dispatcher recognizes him.
His name is Carl Richman.
He's on number 5396.
It's coming together like a great piece of music.
A state senator and a bus driver.
What's the connection? Some things you just have to accept.
You know, this is just a hunch, Jim, but I think the bus driver had something on the senator.
Maybe the senator was having an affair with the bus driver's wife.
Just where did that come from? Hunches don't come from any place, Jim.
They're just hunches.
That's how we solve our cases.
We get hunches, they turn out to be right, and the case gets solved.
Gee, I don't know how you survive as a private investigator, Jim.
You don't seem to know any of this stuff.
That's right.
End of the line.
Everybody out.
You got that right.
You? Why? It's one thing when you come to me and you barf about the senator having an affair with your wife.
But it's another when you barf to everybody about our arrangement.
Well, you never said you were gonna kill him.
It happened.
You gave me the info on the senator and your wife, and I paid you good for it.
Now you're nothing but a loose end.
Now move it.
Come on, move it.
That looks like it.
Let's go.
That's it.
That's the bus.
We'll pull it over, Jim.
We'll board it.
How, Lance? Something will turn up.
(POLICE SIREN BLARING) Good.
Good.
That's exactly what we need.
What are you doing? I have to stop.
Okay, get ready, Jim.
Never mind that, just keep moving.
Move it! Come on, move it! What now, Lance? Trust me! (HONKING HORN) (HONKING HORN) We've got company.
Take the next right.
(HORN BLARING) Put 'em up! I hated to do that.
Hey, Jim.
Lance is just wonderful, isn't he? "Trust me.
" VERN: And so on behalf of my nephew and myself, I'd like to apologize to this entire body here.
Apparently, Larry decided that because the St.
Cloud Agency had invested in so many electronic surveillance doohickeys, that the senator's legislation would hurt our business.
Kill it, probably.
So Larry started surveillance on the senator.
He obtained evidence that the senator was having an affair with a bus driver's wife.
He tried to blackmail him into withdrawing the legislation, but the senator wouldn't buffalo.
So Larry got angry, he lost control and he killed him.
Now Beamer saw Larry, witnessed them in the men's room.
So apparently Larry hired two other guys to kill him.
And when they failed, there was a dispute about the payment, and Larry was beaten up.
And you know the rest.
Is this thing on? Can you hear me? Now, before we adjourn, there are two pieces of unfinished business.
Apparently, the committee feels that this fella, Beamer, the mechanic, should be in the association.
So as of now, he's in.
I'm in.
I'm in the association.
Lance.
Thank you, Lance.
Jim was the one who did it.
And finally, I asked for a recount on the Goodhue votes, and, just as I suspected, there was an error in the count.
The real winner of the Goodhue award this year, and just as we expected, was Lance White.
Not James S.
Rockford, as previously announced.
Rockford will have to surrender his statuette to the award committee on or before the 15th of this month.
Lance! Come on up here and get your award.
Oh, Jim, I'm sorry.
Hey, forget it, Lance.
The nomination is the award, as I always say.