The Royals (2015) s04e05 Episode Script

There's Daggers in Men's Smiles

1 Three two one.
[TV] 'London's power grid has collapsed.
' [ROBERT] 'They're rioting in South London.
' [ELEANOR] 'Jasper is in South London.
He was supposed to be coming home.
What if he's caught in the middle of it all?' Dad.
I'm sorry.
I have to go.
I won't be coming back.
I've taken a lover, an Italian count.
I've invited him here to stay with me.
- Ciao.
- FML.
[CHEERING] [ROBERT] It's such a great honor to be here today to celebrate this historical establishment turning 500.
I owe you an apology.
For Catherine.
Do you still have feelings for her? - Yes.
- Well, at least you didn't lie about it.
I'd like to be on the list.
[HELENA] Some people would kill to be on that list.
Let's be honest, there are so many more interesting things I could do with my mouth.
[APPLAUSE] Are you okay? I've never been better.
[TV] 'To repeat, London's power grid has collapsed, enveloping the city in turmoil and darkness.
Stay safe, keep calm, and carry on London.
' [The National: Born To Beg] Crushed on the train We stand by the window Sweat through the hot parts of June We hugged it out And ducked it on purpose Nothing else I needed to do I was born - Born - To beg for you - Get out of here! - Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! [EXHALES] Hi.
Hi.
We're here.
It's not a dream.
[CHUCKLES] It's gonna take some getting used to.
What is? Being public? No.
The best part of my day happening as soon as I open my eyes.
I'd say that's the second best part.
What's the first? What are you doing here? I wanted to check on your family.
And I thought you were out of the country.
Dad hasn't answered his phone since the blackout.
We've tried his friends, but he's missing.
So I got the first plane back.
I got through to hospitals on the landline, but nobody has seen Dad.
He probably got evacuated north of the river and his phone battery's gone.
What if it's worse than that? Our head of security has connections at MI5.
I'll see what he can find out.
Looting caused a lot of damage.
What do you say to the troublemakers? Troublemakers? Listen, my family have food and water.
But the people of this nation are my family, too.
Parliament knew a heat wave was coming and an energy collapse was imminent.
Yet they did nothing to prepare or provide.
- There we go.
- Thanks.
And the power is still out in South London.
Maybe it's time I made some trouble of my own.
Excuse me.
Bloody hell, Robert.
The monarchy is supposed to remain neutral! Mic drop, brother.
Yes! "I'll make some trouble of my own.
" You have been a troublemaker for so much less, darling.
Robby was right to speak up.
We all should.
A royal who doesn't keep their head above the fray will soon find it cut off.
Feed the people cake, by all means, but, remember, Marie Antoinette was the first to lose her head.
I like your beautiful heads where they are, children.
There's nothing beautiful about indifference, Mum.
You've both given me a lot to think about.
Thank you.
Robert you wanted a social media update? You called me Robert.
Is that okay? You are number one on my list.
I think it's about time you called me by my given name.
Walk with me.
[WILLOW] "Let This Bridge Be A Symbol.
" They're putting that on shirts.
42 million views in as many hours.
And what Princess Eleanor did is everywhere.
I didn't mean to Sorry.
Wrong place.
Absolutely the right place.
Having you there, helping my sister, means a great deal.
I think they do really love each other.
And it's trending.
Who am I to stand in the way of what's trending? I've got to yell at a load of old people.
Shall we speak later? I'll come and find you.
Nice necklace, by the way.
[DOOR OPENS] [DOOR CLOSES] Darling Wilhelmina, marvelous to see you.
Miss Von Halen.
Erm hi.
Now, then, date deux with Robert and me.
Hook a girl up with some dish.
Oh, gosh, this is awkward.
I believe your second date had to be postponed.
National crisis, and all that.
Right, the blackout.
Ugh.
Candidly, I prefer the world with the lights out.
Plus, if you're the King of England, I have to assume there's a crisis every week.
Think you could get me an hour or two with him? Trust me, he'll be thanking you later.
I'm afraid that won't be possible.
And, I should probably tell you, I'm sort of not just his assistant.
Oh? I'm on the I'm actually number one on his social media team.
And I'm his friend.
Which is exactly why we should be friends.
You scratch my back now, I'll scratch your back when .
.
when I'm Queen.
[CHUCKLES] I could make you my lady-in-waiting.
Believe me, the perks will be huge.
So, tell me, since you know Robert so well, what type of woman does he prefer? Intelligent and sexy? Mysterious and sexy? Or dangerous and sexy? I guess All of the above.
I can do that.
Tell him I called, would you? Bye, now.
There is not a single inch of space in there.
[ELEANOR] Not that drawer! A girl has to have some secrets.
Why don't you just come over here and sit down and rest? And give me something sexy to look at.
Please.
How many of these letters do you get a day? So many that it's breaking my heart.
This one is from this lonely old lady called Dot.
Her cat needs surgery.
Robby's out there doing all that he can to help the people.
I'm stuck here waiting six months for my charity to be set up.
Look at all these forms! It can't be this hard to help people.
- [KNOCK ON DOOR] - Yep? Princess.
Mr.
Frost, you're on the clock.
Desk duty for you.
I need to look into Count Bellagio.
Yeah! No! I'm er I'm on that! Monitors on Count Bellagio.
Background prelim checks on both.
You just got shot, kid.
Slow down.
[DOOR CLOSES] [WINCES AND GROANS] I think it's fun that Gran's got a younger man.
I hope when I'm her age, I have a toy boy.
Boy toy.
And I'm older than you.
So Women live a lot longer than men.
But you'll do for right now.
I gotta go find this Count.
You found me.
What's the world saying now? "King Robert, a true British hero.
" Father of the Nation.
"He will lead us out of the darkness.
" [CHUCKLES] And what do you say? I think I think you have the power to do so much good, Robert.
What? I have to admit, I didn't really need a social media update.
I just wanted a moment with you.
I should be whisking you off to Paris right now for a date, but But England comes first.
Listen, I have to make a speech.
And after I'm done, everything will change.
But this, being here with you .
.
I hope this never changes.
Would you come along with me? I would love it if you did.
[Charlotte OC: Blackout] - Yes, we now have confirmation, - the King is preparing to make an important statement to the nation.
Rumors are it'll be historic.
We now go live to the palace where King Robert is preparing Locked in my heart I couldn't believe how dark On a whim, on a wind, you were summoned to me And the sails They were filled with a torrent of dreams The kiss on her lips Okay, coming to you in five, four, three Over the past several days, I have been humbled and inspired by working alongside some of this nation's greatest heroes, our emergency forces, and the good people of this country who rise above their circumstances, no matter how difficult.
I've heard their heartfelt, urgent pleas for their King to do more.
"Change the way things work in our country, "change it so the system works for the good of all," they say.
"Help us.
You have the power to do so much good, Robert.
" For too long our government has been failing us, and in the past week they have failed us most grievously.
'I no longer trust that they have the interests of the people at heart, a people I am sworn to protect as Defender of The Realm.
Our noble constitution contains a provision, an emergency power granted to the monarch in times of great trouble.
If Parliament fails, and they certainly have, the King is compelled to command that Parliament stand down until such time as good, efficient government can be restored.
' Therefore, as is my solemn duty per the constitution, I hereby announce that Parliament is dissolved.
From now on, the mantle of power rests entirely on me.
Holy shit.
Rule bloody Britannia! 'Good people will tell their children about this day with pride, and future generations will remember it brightly, for I shall lead this nation out of the darkness.
' That brilliant bastard.
'God bless you all.
' Blackout That son-of-a-bitch.
I wonder how long he's been planning this.
It's so goddamn genius, I'm jealous I didn't think of it myself! Your Highness? A word, please? Oh, James Hill, you horrid little leprechaun.
Shut up, Uncle.
Found out anything about Kathryn's father? There are three John Does at the city morgue, and one of them matches the general description you gave me of Kathryn's father.
Your fellow members of Parliament are quite upset.
Can you blame them, Robby? You've made us all obsolete with one stroke of your pen.
It was a bold move.
Some will question it.
A statement from you of full support will help damp down any backlash from today.
With respect, I have to be honest.
I expect nothing less.
I feel you might have overstepped the mark.
That's disappointing.
When I restore power back to Parliament, I was hoping you would be my Prime Minister.
That would be a great honor.
But I'm not gonna be anyone's puppet.
Not even my mother's? You're blackmailing me? I'm not.
But someone is.
I could make that go away.
Pay them off, maybe even have someone arrested.
But you expect loyalty in return? Smart man.
What other choice do you have? - 'I have committed the sin of adultery.
- I betrayed my darling wife, I have betrayed the people.
Please give my children privacy, as we take time to heal.
I only hope my wife Please forgive me, my angel!' Good Lord.
It's disgraceful.
Whatever happened to lying with dignity? I hope he's going to keep his mouth shut about who the temptress was.
If he doesn't, we'll just say it was your double.
- She's on the payroll.
- Fine.
But this is just embarrassing.
So much for someone who can help.
Who says he hasn't helped? He was Parliament's golden boy, now he's as tarnished as the rest of them.
Indeed.
You made a game-changing move today without even consulting me.
I know what your advice was and I know I went against it.
But I also know what I'm doing.
You taught me to trust my own instincts, and you've done your job well.
And now my job is done? You're my mum.
I'll always need you.
But you don't have to worry about me so much.
Relax.
Go enjoy yourself.
What the hell are you doing here? Reading a treatise written by Benjamin Franklin on why older women make better lovers.
He lists eight reasons.
If you ask me, he's missing two.
I've been trying all day to get to you.
So much Duchess, so little time.
You can't spell "Bellagio" without the "O".
[LAUGHS SMUGLY] Number 6.
"Just as in the dark all cats are grey, "the pleasure of corporeal enjoyment with an old woman "is at least equal to a young one, "and frequently superior, "since every knack in the sack has been improved by years of practice.
" [CHUCKLES] They put the man's face on the $100 bill.
Now I know why.
Are you actually trying to ruin my life? How did you even get to the Duchess? I took the money from that reporter who wanted your story, moved to Monaco and scoped out a Royal mark of my own.
You had a great idea there, son.
She'll be dead soon and I'll inherit her fortune.
I have just got out from under the weight of my secrets.
I can't do this again.
You need to move on, Dad.
Either you tell her the truth, or I will.
Oh You're better than that, son.
You're gonna keep my secret secret.
Tell me my only boy isn't a rat.
Count Bellagio is my dad.
Wait, so you're royal? No.
He's not Count Bellagio, he's Earl.
Oh, so he's not a count, he's an earl? No, no, his name is Earl.
He's definitely not Count Bellagio.
He's my dad.
He's pulled this con before.
He charms some wealthy older widow into leaving him her fortune [SNORTS AND GIGGLES] - It's not funny.
- Actually, it is.
And the joke's on him because Gran's broke.
Why do you think she's couch surfing? All the minor royals do it.
But I should expose him, right? I mean, after all the shit Duchy's pulled, she's had it coming.
I dunno.
This guy is toxic.
He ruins everything I care about.
Well, he's not gonna ruin this.
In fact, it makes us stronger.
We're on the same side.
Thank you for telling me the truth.
So, can I meet your dad? - Put it back.
- Che fai? I just admire the beauty.
And the other one.
Hi, I'm Eleanor.
You must be Jasper's dad.
[AMERICAN ACCENT] My son is a rat.
I will keep your secret.
Okay? I promise.
You're actually doing the family a service by erm by servicing my gran, so Your gran is a beauty and a champ.
Clearly, it runs in the genes.
Don't that.
Don't slimeball my girlfriend, Dad.
Not this one.
Go back to Mandy.
Did you sleep with Mandy? Me too.
Who would have thought that we've all slept with Mandy? Huh! Huh.
Ahem.
You called me your girlfriend.
Aw, your generation is so hesitant and politically correct.
Love is never wrong.
Love is never having to say you're sorry.
Love is something you have absolutely no right to talk about.
Mr.
Frost, would you like to join us for tea so you can tell me all about Jasper when he was a kid? - No.
Please don't.
- I'd be delighted.
Great.
You only get one dad, Jasper.
[GASPS] It's not him.
1,000 years from now they're gonna write about what happened today.
Can I get you some water? I mean, this is a monumental, a world-changing shift of power.
Maybe whiskey? How did it feel, being at the center of it today? I'm sitting next to the King of England, who just fired Britain's Prime Minister and the whole of Parliament, changing the balance of world power for the good of the people and I'm hyperventilating.
You're doing great, I promise.
Some pundits have come out against me.
I wish they hadn't.
I wish they had more trust.
Maybe it's right.
Trust should be earned.
[KNOCK AT DOOR] The President of the United States is calling.
And the Kremlin's on hold.
We just need a minute here.
The President of the United States? If it's important, he'll call back.
Shut the door, please.
You're afraid to be so close to the center of power.
But the truth is, I'm afraid you won't be close enough.
I was told never to want, never to expect, not even hope to fall in love.
Not even to dream of it.
My duty was to choose someone right for the country.
Pedigree.
Education.
The right person for the job and to hell with my feelings.
So I shut down my heart.
I told myself that love is for other men.
But when I was young I did secretly hope hope that maybe I could have both, love and duty.
Being around you, I've started to feel something that I haven't felt in a long time.
Like I'm starting to hope again.
I believe that .
.
anything is possible.
I wanted something like this I wanted someone I wanted something like this I was so relieved that it wasn't my dad.
But now I just feel guilty.
What if that man lying there was someone else's father? Or what if he had a family as well that were just as worried? - Where the hell have you been? - Dad! Where have you been? I've been helping people.
No cell reception.
I saw a terrible side to humanity these last few days.
- Horrible.
- Thank God you're okay.
Look at this place.
Locals did this.
Our own neighbors.
Bloody hell! We can put it back together.
Oh, yeah? Gonna call all the King's men? You and your brother? You broke her heart.
I think you've done enough for my family.
Dad, stop.
I've been worried sick and Liam's been by my side the whole way.
Yeah.
And where was he before today? I should go.
Liam.
He's wrong about you.
And so was I.
You're the good brother.
Some days I wonder.
Don't listen to my dad! Kathryn won't admit it, but she needs you.
I know she does and I need her to marry a prince.
Look, you know if the two of you get together, the press won't let it go because of everything that happened with Robert.
- Yet here you are.
- I don't care about all that.
- I just care about her.
- Exactly.
Robert was ashamed to be with her, but you love her for who she is.
Don't give up.
Then he'd ring the bell and run away.
[LAUGHS] Ding-dong ditch, right, Jasper? I never got to do anything crazy like that when I was a kid.
Except the real story is, if no one answered the door, we'd just go around the back and rob the place.
- Oh.
- We are what we are.
No.
You are what you are.
Other people change.
You're not helping me here.
Sorry, Princess, for trying to steal your candlesticks.
No worries.
It's just stuff.
Solid silver stuff.
Those would fetch a pretty penny at the local pawn shop.
[KNOCKS ON DOOR] Somebody's come to visit us and we've got to go and find out who it is.
Now, who can it be? [CAT MEOWS] You go in and I'll come in and show you in a minute.
Oh, what's this? "Take these to the local pawn shop.
They're solid silver!" [GASPS] [MUFFLED SOBBING] Thank you! Thank you [MOUTHS] [FROST] A con is better than any drug.
And believe me, I've tried them all.
[ELEANOR] Me, too.
It's hard to give up the rush.
Mm.
Tell me about it.
Here.
See if you can feel the pins.
The most important thing to remember when you're trying to pick a lock, is that a lock is a lie.
Seems like magic, but the basic techniques can be learned and applied within minutes.
And we lock our things away, lock ourselves away, but none of us is really safe from other people.
You're quite the philosopher.
No, he's not.
He's just a damn conman.
Confidence artist, please.
He's been telling me all about how a con is really just like trying to win the woman of your dreams.
Sound familiar? - Hah! - [LAUGHS] Ah! Now you have somewhere for all your things, Jasper.
You're welcome, son.
I just wanted to see you all settled here.
Gee, thanks, Dad! You're such a kind, helpful father, always looking out for me.
I'll just leave you two alone.
Glad I could help, Princess.
Thanks.
You do realize what he's doing, don't you? Hm? He's trying to pick your lock.
Using all his sneaky little tools, like charm and intelligence - don't be fooled.
Do you know what the best part about meeting your dad is? It's realizing that you're nothing like him.
You left all that he stands for and all that he taught you behind.
What are you doing later? Um I have plans with Rosie.
- Oh, yeah? - Yeah.
What are you doing? [ROBERT] 'That's a state secret, Mr.
President.
' Yes, he who has great power should use it gently.
But firmly, I'm sure you'll agree, Mr.
President.
Khoroshaya shutka.
[CHUCKLES] Yes, talk soon.
Went through security? [CELLPHONE VIBRATES, MUSICAL RINGTONE PLAYS] Leave it all behind Like strangers in the dark Let go, if only for a day Hello, Your Majesty.
So, you found a way to bypass world leaders? 'Creative is my middle name.
' Well, actually, it's Judith.
As in the Book of.
She's one of my heroes.
Didn't she cut off her enemies' heads? Yes.
But they went fairly willingly after she was done with them.
A happy ending, if you will.
'Indeed.
' I enjoyed your mind-blowing move today, Your Majesty.
But I was sad you had to postpone our date and didn't let me blow yours.
I hope we can reschedule at your earliest convenience.
'In case you need a little inspiration, I sent a couple of pics.
' [TV] 'I will tell you.
As a man, King Robert doesn't just have compassion for the people, he has respect for them.
' [JOURNALIST] 'Easy for a guy who has everything.
' [WILLOW] 'Exactly.
He wants for nothing, and has everything to give.
' [CASSANDRA] 'You like them?' Cassandra.
Sorry our date was postponed.
It should have been canceled.
Goodbye now.
'Speaking for myself, as someone who's been lucky enough to work in close proximity with the King, I can tell you he has the confidence and clarity of purpose we all want in a leader.
' He's generous and kind and inspiring.
He inspires me.
I think we are all very, very lucky to have him.
In an age when it's hard to believe in anything, the people trust him.
They have faith in him.
'And so do I.
' My son became one of the most powerful monarchs since Charles I today.
And he told me to relax and enjoy myself.
This feels like my final act.
I'm going to be a dowager.
And one day? A grandmother.
Do you realize I'm going to have to curtsey to whomever Robert marries? And then I'm going to have to curtsey to my own snotty-nosed grandchildren.
- "Hello, Granny" - [LAUGHS] It will be wonderful.
I suppose so.
It might be.
But must I accept growing old gracefully? Not with that body.
And not on my watch.
Let's go out, have some fun.
I can't.
I have to maintain decorum.
Not where we're going.
[Two Feet: I Feel Like I'm Drowning] Hey.
Do you hear that? Ah! A nice hot bath calling my name.
What about you and Len? I am off duty.
That princess is your problem now.
All my friends think you're vicious And they say you're suspicious You keep dreaming And dark scheming Yeah, you do I feel like I'm drowning I'm drowning [CYRUS] Secrets and lies, dear nephew.
- Let it go.
- I will not.
Do you really think Robert sent money to Ted Pryce as a salve to the man's grief? As if! We're taking that lying charlatan down.
- And I won't take no for an answer.
- No! My brother's been an arsehole, okay? But he's not a killer.
We were wrong.
It's time to let it go and actually try to put this family back together.
That's what my dad would want.
Simon wanted to abolish the monarchy.
Robert's done exactly the opposite.
We must topple this arrogant prick and get you the throne.
A throne that he got from killing your father.
No, he didn't! I'm done with you.
And I'm done with this witch hunt.
Kathryn is why I was so driven to destroy my own brother.
My feelings for her.
I understand that now.
And I'm ashamed of myself.
The best thing I can do to honor my father is to be loyal to my brother.
It's time I stand behind him and support his reign.
You fool! You pathetic, gullible Uncle.
Your words are treasonous.
Not to mention I warned you.
I gave you every chance.
Now you're banished.
[SCOFFS] You can't banish me from the palace.
I most certainly can.
But not just from the palace.
You're banished from the country.
If I could curse you to crawl out on your belly, I would.
He's our father's brother.
He had every chance to change.
Could I at least pack? Your things, the few that don't actually belong to the people, will be forwarded on to whichever flea-bitten Third World country lets you in.
So slow, oh, no I feel like I'm drowning I'm drowning If this whole thing is about Kathryn, if being with her will heal your heart, and help end this sibling rivalry, then put your anger towards me down.
You have my blessing.
Please, pursue her.
It's too late.
It's already destroyed.
If you are powerful enough to destroy a relationship, you are powerful enough to repair it.
And I'm not just talking about you and Kathryn .
.
brother.
I'm drowning [WHOOPING] I don't know how I don't know when I lost my mind [SOUNDTRACK MASKS DIALOGUE] Are you okay? What did the power company say? I made a compelling case for why they should get all the lights back on by midnight.
I suppose we'll see.
Those things you said about me today Did I say the wrong thing? Quite the contrary.
Liam and I had our first civil conversation in months and that's because of you.
Those things you say you see in me.
I haven't always been that man.
But you make me want to be.
I owe you an apology, Willow.
Why? For putting you on a list.
I was following the old ways.
I just thought that's the way we do things, but it wasn't fair to you.
I'm sorry.
Look, I know this is moving quickly.
And I was brought up never to act on impulse, but I couldn't have gone through today without you.
And I don't want to go through any more of my days without you.
Will you marry me? This is what it feels like With your eyes closed [WILLOW] 'He's generous and kind and inspiring.
He inspires me.
I think we are all very, very lucky to have him.
' This is where it feels right I don't want a place in another's heart You I don't know what's become of you I'm not giving up on us.
You were the first light in the dark [CHEERING FROM OUTSIDE] You I don't know what we're fighting for Losing our touch alone I'm a political refugee.
I need asylum.
When you don't really want to face the night This is what it feels like With your eyes closed We're a touch apart We're in the middle of the night This is where it feels right I don't want a place - Hey.
- Hey.
How was your night with Rosie? Hm? Oh, it was good.
Yeah, we had a lot of fun.
Don't worry, she's not my type.
[MESSAGE ALERT] It's James Hill.
He says it's urgent.
If this is about that Count Bellagio thing, I was about to make a report.
Grandma's boyfriend will have to wait.
Close the door behind you.
Ballistics are in from the assassination attempt in South London.
That shot was never meant for the King.
It was meant for you.
Tell me what it feels like I don't want a place in another's heart