The Simple Life (2003) s02e10 Episode Script

It began in Florida.
America Here we come.
A challenge like no other.
Go that way.
- Right or left? - Yeah.
Can Paris and Nicole get from Miami beach all the way home to Beverly Hills by driving themselves? We don't have any money.
- Don't have money? - No.
- Is this a real trailer park? - Yes.
This is not how I wanted to wake up.
But after seven families You a liar! You guys got that something-something.
Whose turn is it to rake the manure from underneath the chicken house? It's theirs.
Nine jobs Ew! Oh, look at mrs.
Fancy-pants.
and one burning question How many more miles to L.
A.
? How the (bleep) should I know? Tonight, with over 1,200 miles to go Oh, my god, this is the same way.
And three states to cross Are you joking with the driving? can paris and nicole finally make it home? - Are you on the freeway? - I don't know.
Maybe.
Good luck, girls.
So tired.
We've been driving forever.
Stop the car, Stop the car! Go like that.
It's attracted to the light.
Hold on.
Is it gone? Roll up your window.
I hate this.
Oh, my god! Oh, my god, oh, my god.
It's still there.
I thought I killed it.
Gone.
It's gone, it's gone.
Great.
Killed it with my Chanel.
That's hot.
Let's take two girls both filthy rich Isn't that Paris Hilton? From the bright lights into the sticks from velvet ropes to cattle pulls let's take away their limousines their credit cards and shopping sprees well, they're both spoiled rotten will they cry when they hit bottom? Heaven knows if they'll survive this simple road trip kind of life.
Where the hell are we? Well, this is it: The final leg of the girls' cross-country trip, right here in Kerrville, Texas.
I can't believe this trip's almost over.
As long as they can finish their next job, there's nothing that can stop 'em from making it home.
- We ran out of gas.
- Shut up.
I swear on my life.
Press the gas.
Go, like It's really funny.
Okay.
Ew, there's bugs everywhere.
What were you looking for? The, like, the thing to open the thing.
Like, if there was an engine problem, maybe you'd look in the front, but there's not.
What do we do-- we're in the middle of nowhere.
Nicole, flag this person down.
Hello? - Hi.
- Hey.
- Hi.
We're stuck.
We ran out of gas.
- Y'all need a ride? - Yeah.
- All right, get in, girls.
- Thank you.
Y'all get in the back so they can get in.
- Hi, guys, I'm Paris.
- I'm Nicole.
- Welcome to the Y-O.
- Thank you.
- Thanks.
I don't even know where I am.
- What kind of place is this? - A ranch.
Did y'all see any animals when y'all came in? - What animals are here? - All kinds of deer and longhorn cattle.
How do they know to stay here? We have a feet-high fence that tells 'em to.
See this bible? Do y'all know what this kind of skin is? No.
Deer? It's a dead animal on a bible? That's a little ironic, don't you think? Not if you read the bible, it's not.
My name is Missy Dries.
I'm the Y-O ranch tours director.
I'm expecting Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie to come out to the ranch.
Looking forward to having a lot of fun.
I'm Missy.
Welcome to the ranch.
- I heard you guys ran out of gas.
- Yeah.
I've got gas in my truck.
Why don't you just get in my truck with me, and I'll take you to where your truck is.
- Will that work ? - Sure.
- Okay.
- Thank you.
Bye.
- Bye, boys.
- What is this place? - Well, it's a working ranch.
Have you guys never heard of the Y-O ranch? No.
Well, you guys are in for a real treat.
You'll see a bunch of real cowboys.
I really don't know that they're cut out to do this line of work.
That's cute.
Look, they have, like, little cabins.
It takes someone with a lot of tough skin and nerve to live the cowboy way of life.
What?! What did you do? Where is it?! Paris, are you okay? What is it-- it's going to climb on me.
It's a stick.
There is no bug.
I do not see a bug.
No, it was a bug with legs moving its butt around.
I hate this.
Oh, my god.
Well, what do you want to do? - You want to ride in the front? - Yes.
Get your stuff up there.
- Those are your shoes? - My shoe broke.
Nicole and Paris are going to have to toughen up if they're going to get through this.
So brutal.
I think it's funny that you guys really ran out of gas.
- Hello, ladies.
Murph's my name.
- Hello.
Paris.
Jim Murph is our trail boss.
He's going to be with us today.
I've been here at the Y-O ranch probably about 25 years.
I'm out here in wide open range on this 40,000-acre ranch.
Couldn't get any better.
It's a Murph special.
I'll have a latte.
- You guys have lattes here? - No, just playing.
- Are you kidding? - Not on a working ranch.
We have a big day planned for you girls.
Basically, what we're going to do is drive some cattle about three miles down the road, and, um, we need to get going here pretty quick if we're going to get done before noon tomorrow.
- Tomorrow? - Tomorrow.
All night till tomorrow? - I do mean all night till tomorrow.
- Yeah, right.
- I'm not kidding.
- "Yeah, right.
" - Are we walking? - No, no, we'll be on horseback.
She just had a little incident.
- What happened? - I got thrown off a horse.
- Did you really? - And it ran me over.
It really hurts.
- Did you get back on? - Not yet.
Really? You didn't get back on after you fell off? No.
I got airlifted to the hospital in a helicopter.
Wow.
Well, what a good opportunity for you to get back on a horse.
You girls are about to live the legend.
All right, we're going to brand some cattle first.
It's so mean.
Girls, the reason we brand is because it's a sign of ownership.
Better get over here where you can see.
I have nine tattoos, and I have never been in this much pain.
Let him up, boys.
It's a necessity.
Every rancher does it.
Not only is it the cowboy way, it's what we're going to do today.
I'm an animal activist, and I really won't do it, so I don't believe in that.
I think it's wrong.
I don't want to do it.
These calves have to be branded with the Y-O to be identified.
So, you just need to make sure you get the job done.
- We have another idea.
- Another idea? They'll be marked, but not your way.
- What other way are you talking? - The Beverly Hills way.
Animal friendly.
The neighbors are going to laugh at us.
It looks much better.
You guys should always do it this way.
Yeah.
These are 1,500-pound animals with seven-foot horns, and y'all are putting hearts on them.
And named him Billy.
- Billy? - Yup.
He's farting.
Poor thing.
You wrote "poop" on it? "Poop," and a little arrow.
That's mean.
Where the poop comes from.
How'd you like it if someone wrote "poop" on butt? We're going to do this.
Let's get you girls on your horses.
Paris, are you ready? They want me to get back on a horse, and I'm a little nervous, so I don't really know what to do.
It's your call.
We'd like to really encourage you to ride.
I know that you've come off before.
What's the old saying? If you fall off a horse, you get up, dust yourself off and you try again.
Unless you get picked up in a helicopter and flown to a hospital.
That's tradition out here.
It's pretty much the cowboy way.
Let's just I'll do it.
- Really? - Yeah.
All right.
I've got to admire you.
A lot of people won't get back on after they been throwed off.
Whatever happens, if you get right back on, you'll lose that fear a lot quicker.
She cowboyed up-- I'll have to give her that.
I was very proud of her.
.
.
Okay? Yeah.
He's nice.
- Is this y'all's first trail drive? - Yeah.
I've seen movies like it.
All right, let's go.
Move them this way, slow! Go! Move your big, freckled asses.
Go! Go! Move it! Go! They're not listening.
This way, girls.
Get behind all of them! Go, go, go, go, go, go, go! Good cows.
Let's go, guys! Head 'em up! Move them to the right a little, guys! Whoo! All right, girls, it's y'all's turn to call.
Okay, what do I do? Say "sook.
" Sook! Perfect, perfect.
Whoo! Sook, come on.
Sook! Sook, I said! He's leaving.
Hey! Hey! Uh-oh.
Look how cute Bill is.
Freckle-puss.
How much further is it? We have a little ways.
All day, dear.
Are we halfway done, or no? - No.
We just got started.
- Oh.
I'm falling asleep on the horse.
Can we take a nap? How much farther is it? Oh, it's about five, six miles.
You keep saying "around the bend.
" We went around, like, Are we going to stop for lunch? A little picnic? Is there sandwiches, or anything? This way, girls.
I'm over this.
Let's just take the horses and peace out.
Let's go, guys! Head 'em up! - That's a good hiding spot.
- Yeah, it is.
Girls, where'd y'all go?! Girls! Girls! My legs are killing me.
I need to stretch.
I'm getting off.
Our horses ran away.
You girls need to understand something real quick.
This is a 40,000-acre ranch.
If I hadn't looked up because those steers were getting away, I would have never found you guys.
The herd is leaving.
They've got them scattered all over the place, and I need you guys to help us get them back.
Okay.
The herd is way over there.
Can you hear them from here? We know where it is.
I'm following you, then.
Okay.
Go, horsie.
Get him, Paris.
Get that spotted one right there.
Let's go.
Move it! Nicole, there's one behind you.
Go! Girls, that was probably some of the best work I've seen you do all day.
Thank you.
Where's the nearest bathroom? Anyone want a s'more? Ew.
It's good.
This seems fun.
You guys get to just, like, ride horses and, like, sit by the fire with your friends, and you get paid for it.
It definitely is a different way of like-- something that we're all accustomed to.
I mean, we were all born and raised, you know, country folks.
You guys have never been to L.
A.
? Never been to L.
A.
I've never been to L.
A.
- New York? - Miami? - Never been to Miami.
- Negative, negative.
We spend 360 days a year right here.
You guys got to just see it, at least.
For what? What do you mean, "for what?" We got out of the city to come here.
Well, life on the open range begins at daybreak, so everyone's up and ready to go.
You guys ready? Well, almost everyone.
Come on, we're burning daylight.
We're ready to go.
Where's our cow? Y'all's cow? I don't know.
I seen him when we left the trap back there.
Eh, he's still back there.
Wild Billy.
Why don't you guys just drive them in a truck instead of doing it this way? Well, look at the terrain area they're in.
We can't get a truck and trailer down here.
And what are you going to do with them when they get over here? We're gonna go to slaughter.
What? Ours? Billy? We don't want that to happen.
- What? - They're going to kill Bill.
Oh, my god.
You guys can't kill him.
Well We painted him.
- He's ours.
- Life is tough.
Don't crowd 'em too much, now.
Just stay out the way of them.
Push 'em on up, Missy.
Ooh.
There's Bill.
There's Bill.
Somebody needs to shut that gate and stay at it.
I hear the truck coming right now.
- I really feel bad for the cows.
- I know, they're killing all of them.
I know.
We should say something.
What are we going to say, it's a cow farm.
Look here, miss, you understand, we're not going to pay y'all but for one day.
We had two days of work here, but y'all kind of slacked up on us, and so, uh, here's for the one day instead of two days.
I hope that will work for you.
We really want to keep Bill.
Yeah, we don't want you to take him.
He's going on that trailer.
What if we give this as a down payment? The steer belong to somebody else though.
We've contracted them out.
We can break the contract.
That always happens in Hollywood.
This is not Hollywood, kid.
The only thing that I can imagine is that they would want to keep him as a pet in their front yard.
And animals aren't pets, they're animals.
What if we pay double? It'd be a good deal.
I think I'd bargain for it.
Surely they're good for their word.
They look like they are.
- Let's do it.
- All right.
Thanks.
- That's a deal then.
- It's a deal.
We can turn ol' Bill out.
I'd rather have a hug from you good lookin' girls than just a handshake.
I can't hardly see them girls gettin' out and feedin' him and shovelin' (bleep) and cleaning his stall and everything, but they would pay somebody to do it.
There goes Bill.
I don't think I'd ever like the girls to come back and help us work here on the ranch.
Um, I think it cost us more money to have them work out here than it would be for us to just have our regular crew.
Hey, Murph.
Can I have $20 for gas? "Can I have $20?" I always was a sucker for a beautiful woman.
Well, with the cattle drive over, the girls are ready for the most important drive of all.
- We're going home.
- Thank god.
This road trip has been very, very interesting.
We had fun.
Airstream big chrome airstream leave the world behind me but it was kind of neat just to, like, see all of America.
In my airstream free, I don't wanna be I love this horse.
Stuck in the city with the cars and people downtown waiting in a line wishing I was far away where no one knows my name.
It's so funny.
Who's been your favorite family? I liked the Cash family.
They were cool, how they, like, sang all the time.
Every family's been so different.
Bye! Free, I don't wanna be stuck in the city with the cars and people downtown We drove all the way from Florida to California.
You mean I drove from Florida to California.
But you were with me.
I can't believe we did it.
Hi, everyone.
We're back.
I think she missed her cell phone.
I think she missed her house.
Hopefully, she missed me.
Hi, mom.
Paris is an adventurous girl.
And I can tell you right now, she is having a blast.
I think she would do it again in a minute.
Is this really it? Paris! Can you imagine me and Nicole in this bed for a month? No.
This time around, who was more of the troublemaker? No, 'cause we both, like, feed off of each other's energies.
It's totally understandable that they would do this together.
I could not see Paris doing it with anyone else.
And I couldn't see Nicole doing it with anyone else.
We're so happy you came to our party.
We're happy to be home, and we had a great time on the road.
And to all of you who think we couldn't do it .
.
we did it.
Well, it's been a long, hard road, but the girls are finally home and back to their normal lives.
I'm so glad to be home.
Loves it.
Loves it.
Loves it.
- Excuse me, miss Hilton? - Yes.
You and miss Richie have a guest.
- Who? - Who? Will be right out.
Yay, Billy's here.
Come here, you sexy bitch.
He's so big.
Where do I sign? Welcome to L.
A.
, Bill.
Welcome home.
Miss hilton, you must be worth a trillion bucks Can we give him away now? Get the feelin' that you don't really give a I hate him.
You've got to keep Paris away from the animals.