The Simple Life (2003) s05e06 Episode Script

NARRA TOR: Previously on The Simple Life.
Paris, Nicole and Dr.
Diana are faced with five dysfunctional couples.
Welcome to Camp Love.
This is all about love building and love boosting.
Actually, our issue is just trusting that we're gonna be together forever.
NARRA TOR: Paris and Nicole dig deep to help the couples grow.
It's called the (BLEEP).
You lick.
(EXCLAlMS lN DlSGUST) Are you married, or are you dating, or I'm not married right now.
I'm definitely still scared to.
You might be feeling that, "Why buy the milk when you get the cow for free?" NARRA TOR: At a romantic winery, the girls finally get the couples to make a love connection.
You're the stars, you're the moon.
Are you listening? NARRA TOR: With romance in the air for the campers, Paris finally decides to take a chance on Hunter I actually think that Hunter is a nice guy.
You should give him a second chance.
NARRA TOR:but gets a rude surprise.
Let's take two girls, both filthy rich From the bright lights to the wilderness From way uptown to an old campground Will they survive the simple life? Let's take away their limousines Their credit cards and shopping sprees Well, they're both spoilt rotten Will they cry when they hit bottom? Hea ven knows if they'll survive This simple campers kind of life PARlS: Where the hell are we? ED : Good morning, Camp Shawnee.
It's time to get up.
It's a chilly 54 degrees.
Come on, let's get partying.
Let's get started.
NARRA TOR: After a late night at the winery, the couples campers rise slowly, but Paris is wide awake and wants to talk about last night.
-Do you think Hunter really likes that girl? -What girl? The one who was working at the restaurant.
I went to go look for him and he was hiding behind this car, this girl all over him.
It was just weird, like, seeing him with someone else.
So last night at the winery, you kind of disappeared for a while.
Yeah.
-Well, did anything happen? -We kissed.
Yeah.
Really? -I don't care.
It was just different.
-Yeah.
I could definitely try to make it work with, you know, Paris, but she wants to be quote-unquote friends.
Watch that.
Point it that way.
Did you see my purse? You smell What are you wearing today? -Paris Hilton.
-Oh, you're wearing your own Well, that would make sense, wouldn't it? -You've gotta be kidding me.
-What is it? My purse that I've been looking for all morning.
-Your purse? -Did you do that? Why would you think I did it? 'Cause you're the only one who raises the flag beside me.
-You're so mean.
-Why would I do that? I'll see you later? -Yeah? -Hey.
What're you doing? Eating snacks.
Do you want some? -Yeah.
-Yeah.
It's like the mother lode here.
Check this out.
We love to eat.
How do you like camp so far? It's hard, especially 'cause it's couples' camp.
-I miss my girlfriend.
-You just do not see her at all.
That's crazy.
-Snacks make it better, though.
-Snacks make it better.
I'll have to hang out in here more often.
You got all the good stuff.
I know, we have, like, all the good -Did you do that? -No, I didn't do that.
I just got here.
I didn't even know you had snacks.
Who's playing, like, pranks on me? That's the oldest joke in the book.
-I know.
-That's got to be an Ed thing.
-That's totally, like, an old joke.
-It's so lame.
I'm scared to open anything.
I'll just starve to death now.
(LAUGHlNG) Hi, girls.
-Oh, you look stunning.
-Thank you.
NARRA TOR: Away from the pranks, Dr.
Diana starts today's counseling with an exercise in communication, prompting Paris to open up for the first time about her most infamous moment.
So what are the secrets that I missed? Ninety-five percent of adults have sexual fantasies.
There's been times when Danny will, like, be talking about this other girl that's, like, in the room with us.
He's just talking about her being there? -Yeah.
-lt changes it up.
You have to always have an affair going in your marriage.
And the affair has to be with your partner.
Are you seeing anybody now, Paris? I just became single.
I just like to go to movies and then get sweet text messages.
I don't really care about any, like, sexual stuff, like, at all.
Because you're in the public eye, do you feel like you have to be even more guarded? I know people say a lot of mean things about me and You know, over one incident in my life that was really bad, that happened with someone I was with for a couple of years, who totally screwed me over.
And now people judge me and assume that's how I always am.
That was, you know, one night with someone I was really in love with.
That's so unfair.
PARlS: But it hurts me because I'm not like that and it just hurts my feelings that people think things like that about me.
'Cause that's not who I am.
I've never been that way.
As long as the closest people to you love you for who you are, like, the rest Everyone else doesn't matter.
-It's who you keep close to your heart.
-PARlS: I know.
LlNDA: And we know you now.
If anybody says anything, I'm gonna sock him.
You just start up with me, mister.
NARRA TOR: After a long week of therapy, most of the campers are delighted in their relationships.
But Kim wants to take the next step with Dom all the way down the aisle.
So when you get married, she'll be your maid of honor? -And vice versa? -Yes.
When I get married, you guys can definitely come.
-Thank you.
-Oh, yeah.
It'll be fun.
-Where do you want to get married? -I have to get engaged first, ladies.
Oh! I wanna be with her forever, but I don't know exactly what's gonna happen just from coming to camp for a few days.
My ideal outcome at the end of this camp is for us to continue to grow together.
We're just in love.
(GROANS lN DlSGUST) NARRA TOR: Dr.
Diana 's counseling has helped most of the couples grow closer, but their happiness only makes Dom and Kim 's commitment issues seem that much bigger.
The next exercise is called "face-to-face time.
" Couples don't spend enough time face to face.
The bedrock of a relationship is actually paying attention to who you're with.
So we'll have our first couple.
Come on up.
I need you to sit facing each other.
Put your left hand right here, and put your other hand on your heart.
Now, one of you will start and say, "At this moment, I feel," and end the sentence with whatever comes to mind.
-At this moment, I feel really exposed.
-DR.
DlANA: Good.
And at this moment, I think your eyes look really kind.
At this moment, I feel like you're really nice.
At this moment, I feel You're choking me.
At this moment, I miss us.
At this moment, I'm feeling connected with you.
DR.
DlANA: Beautiful.
Okay, next couple.
Paris and Hunter.
Actually, I'm dating Nicole, not Hunter.
-I feel, like, cheesy.
-DR.
DlANA: It is cheesy.
But where the ultimate cheese gets you is into stuff that is really scary.
At this moment, I feel kind of awkward.
DR.
DlANA: A little bit more.
At this moment, I feel green.
At this moment, I feel like A jackass.
How's it going with your girl? Did you guys talk about anything serious last night? We've been talking about serious stuff the whole time we've been here.
The whole marriage thing keeps coming up with both of us.
My main problem is that I can't really afford to buy her the ring that I want to buy her.
That's kind of my problem right now, or I would probably have already proposed to her.
NARRA TOR: While Paris thinks about how to help Dom and Kim, Patrick prepares another shock for his favorite counselors.
(HUMMlNG) -Oh, my God! -What happened? It looks so lame.
-Now it doesn't.
-Who do you think did this? -Ed.
-Ed.
All right, if he wants to play that game All right.
We will see.
We will see.
(BARKlNG) What are you doing? -I'm chain-sawing his desk in half.
-Yeah, right.
He played pranks on us.
We have to do it.
It's probably been his desk for, like, 100 years, passed on from generation to generation of Camp Shawnee.
Then we will have a very camp-related funeral for it.
I'm gonna do it with or without you.
I'm gonna do it with or without you.
Actually, he needs a new desk anyway.
-Look at it.
-Exactly.
-It's, like, all scratched.
-I'm doing him a favor.
Okay.
-Do you even know how to work it? -Put your foot right there.
Good.
There's oil getting on my hands.
-lsn't it so hard? -Yes.
(ENGlNE STARTS) Oh, yeah! (WHlRRlNG) (SHRlEKS) (CHUCKLES) Is it really in half? (EXCLAlMS) NlCOLE: Oh, my God! Let's get the hell out of here.
(BOTH SHOUTlNG) What the hell? NARRATOR: Mistakenly thinking that their camp director has been pulling pranks on them, Paris and Nicole turn the tables in a big way.
-That is wrong.
-ED: I can only suspect two ladies.
Nicole and Paris, please come up to my office right now.
(WHlMPERlNG) PARlS: Actually, I have an idea of what this might be about, Miss Texas Chainsaw Massacre.
(BOTH LAUGHlNG) -PARlS: What's up? -NlCOLE: Hi.
Hey, girls.
Can you take a seat? Did you two do this to me? -Payback's a bitch.
-Payback for what? PARlS: Putting my purse up the flagpole.
-NlCOLE: Putting a cougar in our bedrooms.
-ln Nicole's bed.
What are you two talking about? You pulled pranks on us.
What are you talking about? I did not.
Why would I go around pulling pranks? We thought that the only person that would do it was you.
Girls, I'm gonna have you put it back together.
Do whatever you can.
I gotta go out and cool down a little bit.
I'm sorry but I'm out, all right? I thought he did those things.
Did he really not? How are we supposed to put this together? -All right, are you ready? -Oh, yeah.
PARlS: Oh, it's gonna fall apart.
We put a chair to hold it up.
I feel like I'm going crazy.
-You're seriously gonna tape it? -What else do you want me to do? Look.
Yo, have you been pranking us? -Maybe.
-You're gonna be sorry.
Keep one eye open when you sleep.
So we did this to Ed for nothing.
Now I feel bad.
We fixed it.
Let's go.
NARRA TOR: Having patched up Ed's desk, Paris is ready to help fix one last couple's relationship issue.
-What's going on over here? -It's a surprise.
-Hello.
-Hey.
-Dominic.
-Caryn from XlV Karats.
Welcome.
We brought some jewelry for you to take a look at today.
Very Paris.
Very classic.
Why don't you come take a look? What do you think is the best as far as my situation? I feel like for her she wants something classic and beautiful, and out of all of them I think this is the most beautiful.
-DOM: This is pretty exciting.
-I love ring shopping.
-It's gorgeous.
-That's, like, the most amazing thing ever.
This is your surprise.
For real? PARlS: If that's the only thing holding you back, I want you guys to be together.
If I got that ring I'd be so happy, so I know that she will.
Will you do it with Nicole and l? -We'll help out.
-lf you don't make me look like a fool.
Would we ever do that? But you have to come up with something romantic.
All right.
-Bye-bye.
-Bye.
-Are you nervous? -Yeah, very nervous.
I know she's gonna say yes.
-Jorge! -How are you? We'll practice on Jorge.
DOM: Oh, Jorge, you look beautiful.
So you're in Vegas, you're all, like, hot and heavy.
You know I love you, and I just wanted to ask you if you would please marry me? -No.
-What? -No.
-That's not cool.
PARlS: Do it one more time.
This time, like you really want her.
-You know I love you so much.
-Yes.
-I was wondering -Oh.
-if you would see it in your heart -Wow.
-to marry me and be with me forever? -Sure.
That was beautiful.
Thank you.
That was perfect.
-You think that's good? -Of course.
-I appreciate it.
-Yeah, it's gonna be fun.
NARRA TOR: With all the campers feeling the love and Dom ready for his big moment, Paris and Nicole decide to end couples week with a celebration.
-How are you? -Great.
We wanted to do the renewal ceremonies for all the couples.
We kind of, like, want to make it a surprise for you, too.
Wonderful.
NARRA TOR: With little time to plan, Paris calls in a favor from a very special friend to help set up the couples ' happy ending.
Hello? NARRA TOR: Then, she and Nicole break the good news to the campers.
So we're setting up a love ceremony for you all.
So we want you guys all to write down what you love about each other.
We think you guys are all great couples, and we hope this brings you all closer together than you already are.
-MAN 1 : Thank you.
-MAN 2: Thank you.
I second that.
(ALL LAUGHlNG) I think these feathers are cute.
-They, like, make it all -Yeah.
funky.
-I think it definitely needs some glitter.
-Yeah.
-This is gonna look so pretty.
-Looks like a fairy wonderland.
We were wondering if you guys will help be our escorts -for today with the couples? -Yeah.
Sure.
-Shouldn't be a problem.
-Sounds good.
But you have to take off these shirts.
It's a love ceremony, it's gonna be, like, a special event.
-Oh.
-Okay.
We know you love taking your shirt off, Hunter.
No! All right, so, Paris, why don't you paint Hunter and I'll I think you should.
I'll do Matthew.
-Your muscles are, like, getting in the way.
-I'm sorry.
-It's gonna look really good.
-We're gonna have, like, sunburned hearts.
-Perfect.
-To tonight, then.
Thank you.
You got it.
I think she's mad at me.
NARRA TOR: Paris may still be mad at Hunter for kissing the waitress at the winery, but that won't stop her from renewing some love.
You guys look like Caesar.
PARlS: Let's all hold hands.
(HUMMlNG) -Are you guys excited? -You guys are gonna love this.
So this is the triangle of love and these are your cupids.
I have to take care of something.
Patrick, will you come with me for one second? All right.
NARRA TOR: Paris and Nicole haven't forgotten Patrick's pranks.
Don't worry, I won't do anything to your son.
ED: All right, behave yourself then.
Okay, everyone.
Welcome today to recommitment ceremony.
Nicole and I worked very hard on this, so I hope you appreciate it.
Nicole's tied up right now.
I actually have a special friend that I called to come and help.
I think she'd be the perfect host for this.
She's gorgeous, she's beautiful.
Here she is.
(ALL CHEERlNG) PATRlCK: Somebody! Mom! NlCOLE: You pulled pranks on us.
NARRA TOR: While Nicole tends to unfinished business with Patrick, Paris introduces a special minister.
Here she is.
Jenna Jameson.
Hi, everybody.
-Hi.
-Hello.
I'm really excited to be here and have this whole recommitment ceremony, because everybody knows how important love and trust and commitment is to me.
-JENNA: Let's do it.
-PARlS: Let's do it.
Nick and Phoebe, will you guys please come down? NlCK: Here we go.
It is time now for you guys to exchange your vows and tell each other why you're so special to one another.
What I love about Phoebe is her personality, her sense of humor.
That brings me closer She just makes me laugh all the time.
It's the best.
-That's really sweet.
-I know.
Hurry up and Oh, I didn't think you were gonna do something sweet.
I promise you that I'll always be there, just like you want me to.
I wanna continue being your best friend.
You are my one true love.
You are the nicest guy I've ever met.
I just want to say I love you, and I promise to share some of the secrets and the toys.
This is getting better and better.
I promise, for the next 53 years, not to raise my voice, no matter how much you irritate me.
My love for you will always stay hot! By the power vested in me, Jenna Jameson, I renew both of you.
-Congratulations.
-Thank you.
We have our last couple now, Dom and Kim.
We've been together for three years and all of it has been wonderful.
And I promise I'm always gonna love you.
You're my princess and because of that, I got you a special gift.
(KlM CRYlNG) My gift.
(ALL WHOOPlNG) -Will you marry me? -Yes.
-It's beautiful.
-lt is.
Did you pick it out? -He picked it out.
-KlM: Really? How? -It's a little secret.
-LlNDA: Oh, my goodness.
Thank you, everyone.
I wanna thank Jenna Jameson.
I love you.
-Thank you, Jenna.
-JENNA: All right Thank you all for coming to camp and I hope you had a great time.
I've learned a lot from all of you, and you, and this -Your lives will be changed forever.
-WOMAN: Definitely.
Miss Hilton, you must be worth a trillion bucks NARRA TOR: After the ceremony, our couples will live happily ever after.
(EXCLAlMS) But after messing with Paris and Nicole, not everybody will ha ve a fairy tale ending.
Hey, has anybody seen Patrick and Nicole? Where are they at? Help! Mom! Somebody! Ms.
Hilton PA TRlCK: Somebody! NARRA TOR: Next on The Simple Life.
This week, the name of the game is survival.
Chop someone's nuts off with it.
This little critter right here is going down the pie hole.
(ALL GASPlNG) -Yeah, I think you're really great.
-You are, too.