The Simpsons s35e07 Episode Script

It's a Blunderful Life

- ♪


- ♪
- Huh?
Our first Thanksgiving
since Homer passed away.
- More turkey, please.
- Aw.
Thank God we still have his hologram.
All right, everyone.
Get out your remembrance candles.
Granny Lisa, why do we light a candle
every Thanksgiving?
In remembrance of the great blackout
that almost destroyed our town
when we actually had to
write things down by hand.
It started on a cold November day.
Back when you could actually
see snow outside of a museum.
[KENT] Goodbye, Autumn,
hello, Novem-brrr.
A powerful winter storm
is headed our way.
- Homie.
- Aloha 'oe ♪
Homie, wake up.
Aloha 'oe [GROANS]
This isn't Hawaii. It's never Hawaii.
It's just stupid America.
There's a winter storm coming in.
[SCOFFS] Winter storm.
I refuse to be scared
unless there's some
terrifying new term for it.
It's an arctic blast with a bomb cyclone
and a chance of firenado,
or as we in the news business call it,
- and "arcticonado."
None of us call it that, Kent.
Pipe down, Arnie. I'm selling hoodies.
- Homer, this is important.
- Hmm?
Did you put up the storm
windows like you promised?
[LISA] There are two things I've
learned are completely worthless:
Scented toilet paper and a
promise from Homer Simpson.
I'll put 'em up right after work.
You're going to work in that?
It's Hawaiian day,
and the guys elected me
King Kamehameha.
Let the goofing off at work commence.
Ew, bacon.
Now, kids, I know the forecast
says it's triple-mitten weather,
but the good news is,
it's less than one week till Turkey Day.
Can we please not call it "Turkey Day"?
You're celebrating the
slaughter of a living thing.
Lisa, you always slaughter the mood.
You know, there are some
amazing faux turkeys to eat now.
Said no one, ever.
Right now, they're perfecting the taste,
but in the future,
faux turkeys will taste really good.
Nope. Still sucks. [GROANS, COUGHS]
But for this year,
my menu is already up on the fridge.
And it really means a lot to me.
It's our first Thanksgiving with Maggie.
I'm finally not pregnant,
so I can drink.
I call a drumstick.
Nice try, boy,
but we agreed I'd get both drumsticks
every Thanksgiving on
the day you were born.
Aw, no fair.
I was too young to sign that.
I believe this is your foot, is it not?
- And I had it notarized.
- Why you giant
[LISA] But the worst was yet to come.
That Thanksgiving would surpass
Christmas and my birthday
as the saddest day of the year.
Welcome, or as they say in Hawaii:
You're probably wondering
why we chose this special day
to have this celebration of you,
my workers
and dear, dear friends. [CHUCKLES]
Smithers, I need a distraction
so those unionized money-sucks
don't see the new cheaper replacements
I'm bringing in to take their jobs.
Why don't we throw a Hawaiian day?
Now enjoy, relax, mahalo,
knowing your jobs are secure
and I could never replace you.
Nothing ulterior about that statement.
We love you!
That's the last we'll see of them.
Welcome, nonunion workers.
In an older era, they'd call you scabs.
Now you're just friends
without benefits.

See here, Smithers,
here's my theory ♪
Of how to cut down
what people earn ♪
Every worker should be nonunion ♪
That's the genius of Monty Burns ♪
They've got no health care,
they've got no dental ♪
There's just one bathroom,
so they take turns ♪
And all the money
and all the power ♪
Are in the clutches
of Monty Burns ♪
Hallelujah ♪
Make us grovel ♪
For your energy ♪
Speed up the core,
speed up the core, man ♪
Speed up the core,
speed up the core, man ♪
Speed up the, speed up the,
speed up the, speed up ♪
The core ♪
Rig detectors and
bribe inspectors ♪
Skip the training
'cause no one learns ♪
Even people who ain't too clever ♪
Can work for
minimum wage forever ♪
Broken parts can
be glued together ♪
For Monty Burns ♪
Monty Burns, Monty Burns ♪
- Monty Burns. ♪
Smithers, how do these nonunion
avocado toasts sing so well?
Oh, they're all graduates of
prestigious college theater programs.
- Ah.
- That entire section is Julliard.
[HARMONIZING] It's this or teach. ♪

Somebody should clean these up.
I nominate King Kamehameha.
I'm starting to think this
king thing is just a trick
to get me to do all the work.
No, no. It's a very great honor,
your gullibility.
- Hmm. [GRUNTS]
Mm, mm.
- Whew! Not gonna make that mistake.
[AUTOMATED VOICE] Waste disposed safely.
Thank you.
Now to call Jeff Bezos and Elon Musk
and reclaim my title of
the world's most
self-serving billionaire.
Where can I plug in my phone?
Uh, sir, I'm afraid we already
over-amped on that outlet.
I'll over-amp you.
Put it out! Put it out!
We don't know how. ♪
But we can dance Stravinsky's
"Firebird" around it.
Homer, what did you do in there?
I did exactly what I was supposed to do.
Attention, plant employees.
See? She'll tell you.
Plant meltdown imminent.
Please take this time to
get right with your God.

Now please put your name
tag inside your mouth
for the easy identification
of your skull.
Where are you going?
Uh, to get help.
Don't leave me, Uncle Monty!
- Smithers, did you grease the struts?
- Yes, sir.
Yarr you kidding me?!
[AUTOMATED VOICE] Fire extinguished.
Plant ruined,
and you are all now out of work.
- Happy Thanksgiving.
[LISA] We had no power and
no prospects of getting any.
- What is it? What is it?
- We'll never know!
[LISA] But whenever there's
a threat to civilization,
good people always set
aside their differences
and blame a scapegoat.
All right, so, who screwed up here?
- Homer?
- [CHANTING] Homer. Homer. Homer.
I agree.
We should find a scapegoat, but who?
[CHANTING] You. You. You.
I can't believe this.
I love you guys,
and now you want to
throw me under the bus?
Great idea.
Hey! "Throwing someone under the bus"
is a figure of speech.
Like, "I'll start my diet tomorrow,"
or "I love my children equally."
Okay, Homer. Fair enough.
Ten-second head start!
Ten, nine, eight, seven
You could've at least done Mississippi!
- [GASPS] Who's there?

Watch it. I have pepper spray.
[HOMER] Mmm pepper spray.
I put in all the storm windows,
and I bought brand-new batteries
for all the flashlights.
- Huh? Huh?
[LISA] There was nothing
that alarmed my mother more
than a helpful Homer.
Homer Simpson,
did you have anything to do
with the blackout?
Everybody thinks I did, but I didn't.
But I don't care because
you believe me, Marge, don't you?
I'm trying.
Eh. Could've been worse.
Once again,
the whole town is mad at Dad.
Bart, do you know how many furious mobs
the average family has to contend with?
Hmm, six?
Zero. Zero!
You did do this.
Marge, in every marriage,
a spouse gets to say one time,
"you have got to believe me."
Yes, and you've done it 18 times.
Look in my eyes.
You've said that before.
Hold my hand and look in my eyes.
You've said that before.
Hold my hand,
look in my eyes and feel my heart.
Also, if you can examine my prostate
All right, all right.
I don't know.
- Mom!
I was aiming for his eye.
Mom, Dad, please give us hope.
It's what parents do.
Don't worry, kids.
The government will help.
The government cannot help itself,
let alone you.
I have just been authorized
to commission a study
on whether or not a study
should be commissioned.
Finally. Thank you.
So, to take your minds
off your troubles,
I propose some kind of games.
Either "hunger" or "squid."
With that in mind,
tomorrow we will begin
with everyone attempting
to kill Milhouse.
I finally got picked first.
[WOMAN] Take this.
No laptop, no kindle. What do I do?
[GASPS] I'll read a book.
- Hmm.
I might learn something.
This pioneer girl was happy.
I'm not happy.
This is a nightmare.
My pa moved us out of Wisconsin
because he thought it was too fancy.
And before you want to be me,
answer this:
Did you ever kill a chicken?
Sorry, I'm a vegetarian.
So was I.
[LISA] That as the moment
I began my remembrance book.
[IN FRONTIER ACCENT] And in my memory,
I sound like this.
People were made of stronger
stuff in pioneer days,
until they died of agony at 39.
Well, if nothing else,
I can try to save Thanksgiving.
[GASPS] The food is gone.
Homer, is there an explanation?
Yes, there is.
- I
- No more explanations.
I can't take it. [SOBBING]
Dad, I'm really sad. What do I do?
I don't know. Go outside.
- Build a snowman.
- I can't bring another life
into this awful world.
- Shoo!
I have a little juice.
I can call tech support.
- You think you miss the Internet?
Hear ye, hear ye.
The latest Matrix movie
was severely disappointing.
Do not take the red pill
or the blue pill.
You need no dose for this one.
End of "tweet."
Hey, like.
In fact, I'm going to "follow" you.
- Yes, mute.
- Giving you likes and following you ♪
- Mute, mute.
You! How dare you
show your face in here.
Moe, it's me.
And beneath all the
drinking and the jokes,
we have a real relationship.
And that means something.
What are you getting at?
Come on, man.
Deep down, we kind of love each other.
Love you, too.
[HOMER MOANS] It's hopeless.
Everyone in this town hates us.
But some not as much.
I brought firewood.
Whoa, Grampa. How'd you score that?
For your information,
I grew up in a cruel world like this,
back in the '30s or '50s,
or whatever makes sense now.
[LAUGHS] Now let me get
that fire going for you.
[ALL] Ah!
Grampa, you saved us!
old people have a lot of wisdom
if you take the time to
She said thank you.
We were more than happy.
We were a family again.

Oh, what was that?
Go back to sleep, sweetie.
Tomorrow's Sunday.
You don't have to start
your chores till 4:00 A.M.
[YAWNS] Thanks, Grampa.
We'll finally be rid of that
Homer Simpson once and for all.
And then I'll be the town idiot.

Oh, my God! "City celebrates
explosion of the Simpsons."
That's "expulsion" of the Simpsons.
Oh, whew.
Which means they kicked us out forever.
Damn it!
Why won't people believe I'm innocent?
- Oh, it's hopeless.
- Whoa, cool!
[SIGHS] I guess there's one good thing.
At least there's no more stupid
Howdy, neighbor.
I asked them to move my
house right next to yours.
Well, at least you believe me, Flanders.
Yes, but I also believe in
a Holy Ghost no one can see.
In the name of the Father and
the Son and the spooky plus one.
[GROANS] I haven't slept for two nights.
Because my choice is either
to be furious at you for the lie,
or to believe you and feel like a fool.
Okay, okay, I'm going to believe it.
Ugh. Now I'm actually in pain.
No pain, no gain.
I can't go on faith anymore.
I have to have a reason to believe you.
There is. Oh, my God.
Do you remember when you thought
I ate the food in the fridge?
Well, I didn't.
I put it under the snow
to keep it fresh.
Like in Lisa's stupid pioneer book.
Oh, my God.
[GASPS] You're telling the truth.
And if you're telling
the truth about that,
- then you're telling the truth about everything!
- Mm-hmm.
- Mm.
- Ooh, Homie.
But if you're an innocent idiot,
instead of a guilty nitwit,
how do we prove it?
By finding the person who was behind it.
And there's only one
man who it could be.
The town villain.
No! Burns!
Smithers, I've eluded justice yet again.
May my uppance never come.
[MARGE] Not so fast!
We know what you did.
Yes, but you're also standing
on top of my trap door.
It, uh, doesn't work without power, sir.
Fine. Smithers, do it manually.
You can't move. That's cheating.
Take him away, boys.
Get the kiddie cuffs, Lou.
I have to take responsibility
for something I did?
[CHUCKLES] Ridiculous.
Montgomery Burns,
we will give you the stiffest punishment
any billionaire ever gets.
A fine you can easily pay.
I make more than that in the time
it took me to say
"I make more than that." Ha!
I'm so glad you guys love me again.
We're still a little mad.
This brought back a lot of memories
of stuff you actually did do.
Remember, Homer,
I was gonna be an orthodontist.
But no more, thanks to you.
What if you all have
Thanksgiving dinner with us?
All you have to do is put
our house back where it was.
It's never just dinner.
There's always something.

in the years that followed,
there would be other
blackouts and other mobs.
But they never blamed my father again.
- Bart?
- Your story was so long
I died of boredom.
Also, I finally got a drumstick.
Mine now.

"Pa had walked back after 23 miles
"with an orange for Christmas.
"Poor Becca didn't get to taste it
"because she passed that
morning from scarlet fever.
So they zested the rind over her grave."
[YAWNS] That's great, Dad.
Maybe we should stop here.
No, I have to see if Euchariah
sold the pelts in town
to those untrustworthy Canadians.
They didn't pay him for last time!
Okay, you just tell me
what happens later.
"And in the spring,
an orange tree grew over her grave."
- [LISA] Enough!
- [GRAMPA] Okay!
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