The Sopranos s04e07 Episode Script

Watching Too Much Television

What do you hear? What do you say? Welcome home.
Youngstown, my ass.
Look at this guy.
You look like you were in Miami.
- Yeah, you look like you were in Miami.
- Good to be home, skip.
What can I get you, Paulie? After four months inside? How about laid? - It's Papillon.
- Hello, Sil, how are you? I heard you were getting laid all the time.
- Come here, you little prick.
- Hello, Chrissy.
Let's have a drink.
Come on, pass them back.
- Hey, over here.
- There you go.
All you guys! Salute.
Just a second.
My song.
Welcome home.
Come on.
What the fuck? Why is this his song? Paulie, say hello to Brian Cammarata, Carm's cousin.
He's a financial guy.
How you doing, kid? So, just back from college? Let me talk to Paulie for a sec, all right? Nice meeting you.
Have a seat.
How you doing? You okay? Just thank God that piece of shit from Youngstown finally copped to that gun.
I could've been wearing an orange jumpsuit till I'm 90.
Well, you're home now, that's the important thing.
Here, get back on your feet.
Thanks, T.
Not that I don't appreciate it but I could've used a boost when I was gone, too.
Fucking bills.
Then there's Ma with the private home care.
You know she almost lost her spot at Green Grove? An extra $5,000 it cost me just to hold her place.
You're here 30 seconds, you already got a fistful of cash not to mention the no-show jobs I got for you.
- You're right, Ton'.
I know.
- Enjoy the party.
I will.
Were you having dinner at Citris last year when a man threw a drink in Richard Cross' face? Yes.
Subsequent to that incident did Mr.
Cross telephone Rusty Arnold? Yes.
And the folowing day were you informed that the man in question had suffered a fractured skul? Your honor, objection.
This whole line of questioning is irrelevant.
You may answer, Miss Costelo.
l don't think l'm supposed to, Judge.
l just made my ruling, you are required to answer.
But isn't there some law about testifying against your husband? Excuse me? Richard and l were married the night before last in Reno.
Your honor the defense requests a conference in chambers.
We'l stand in recess for 15 minutes while the court confers with counsel in chambers.
Bailiff, wil you escort the jury out? Did she say anything to you about this? What we saw in that courtroom is a transparent attempt by Richard Cross to subvert the intent of the marital privilege.
Hey, she's his wife.
Where are my pants? There's some mouthwash and shit in the back.
We'll go get breakfast.
Oh, aspetta, I'll go with you.
Any investment advice for an ambitious young man such as myself? Buy land, I guess.
God ain't making any more of it.
That's what Will Rogers said.
It's true, my house is worth nearly triple what I paid.
Location's the key, right? Otherwise you get stuck with shit.
Sometimes there's money in shit.
How do you mean? - Nothing, I don't know.
- We're just talking here, come on.
I don't know.
Some guy I went to school with, this black guy we worked one summer for this not-for-profit housing group.
Told me about some scam his minister was involved with up in Harlem.
I read about this.
Forgazee Mortgage Loans or something, right? - Actually, you ever hear of HUD? - Housing development, yeah.
HUD was set up to help minorities and low-income families to be homeowners.
There are more programs for these deadbeats, I swear to Christ.
If the feds guarantee the home mortgage, the banks figure, why not? They'll loan the money.
You get a front man to buy houses in some crummy neighborhood.
Talking about some real shitboxes.
Maybe they're worth $100,000 apiece.
Next, you tie up with some non-profit organization who goes to HUD and says they intend to buy these houses from your stooge.
They're gonna convert them to homes for working-class blacks, blah-blah-blah.
Thing is, though All right, sit tight.
I'm gonna be a while.
I'll be over here.
Maurice and I met in college.
All the way to the University of Michigan to make friends with a guy who lived 20 blocks away from me.
You should've seen the Jew-fro on this guy.
Out to here.
So, Maurice, Ron tells me you're from down Roseville Street.
My father was a typesetter for the Star-Ledger.
No shit? - Sixth and Orange.
- Then we were practically neighbors.
Yeah, that's why he moved.
- Hello.
- Carmela, it's me, Furio.
I guess I missed you this morning, I was in the bathtub.
The reason I call I leave my sunglasses in some place, I don't know.
You're kidding.
Let me have a look around.
So how is everything? How's your dad? Not so good.
But I get the pictures from the housewarm finally.
Good, bring them next time.
l wil.
There's a pretty one of you.
That's sweet.
l don't see the glasses, Fur'.
That's okay, I probably leave them home.
Al right.
If I find them, I'll give you a call.
I see you soon.
The summer of '67, we're both home on break.
I'm interning at the state legislature and he What were you doing? - East Newark Food Co-op.
- Right.
But come July The Newark riots.
What a fucking summer that was.
Later that year, Maurice and I helped organize one of the first black voting drives.
Maurice, were you around for Anthony Imperiale? - The White Knight? - Around? - Who do you think he was fighting against? - "Italian pride, keep Newark white.
" Aspiring Klansmen, some of those boys.
So this group you got now, the Urban Housing League.
What's the story there? Like many non-profits we've fallen on hard times.
Republican administration, plus a proliferation of new charities post 9l11.
Sounds like you got a lot to talk about.
I'm gonna hit the showers.
Maurice, nice meeting you.
Same here.
I took the liberty of filling Maurice in on the broad strokes.
Okay, we got a guy, Dr.
Fried, he's a urologist.
We'll give him $500,000 of our money.
Have him grab up these four houses on Garside Street for $125,000 apiece.
The old First Ward.
Once we own the houses, we got an appraiser who'll play ball.
He's gonna re-appraise them in the $300,000 range.
What you do, Maurice, is take the phony appraisals to HUD.
Tell them your urban housing thing wants to buy up these shitholes.
Convert them to low-cost housing for working families.
Once HUD guarantees the mortgage app, you take it to the bank.
They cut a check, and we work it up nice.
At which point, I assume my organization fails to make the mortgage payment.
Unforeseen construction delays and repeated vandalism force the project into dissolution.
We all walk away from the houses.
Your cut'll be in the 10 percent of the profit range.
My office'll write a letter in strong support of your application.
Sounds about right.
Tony, good.
You're still here.
- Is there a problem? - No problem, I just wanna talk to you.
You remember that time in Atlantic City? You brought Irina, your old girlfriend? Yeah, the cystic fibrosis thing, the fundraiser.
This is awkward.
Irina and I are seeing each other.
What? You're fucking kidding me.
I met her that night at the fundraiser.
I gave her my card.
She was having some problem with her landlord.
She called me months later, after you two broke it off - one thing led to another - All right, take it easy.
It's ancient history.
I wanted to tell you.
I feel like I owe you an explanation.
What am I, her father? You're both adults.
Enjoy yourself.
It's more than that.
I care for her.
Very deeply.
Roz and I are separated.
The heart wants what the heart wants, I guess.
The heart also wants what the dick wants.
Okay, who's gonna scrub my back? Ralph, you steal my water? Oh, girl l'd be in trouble if you left me now Man, I love this song.
The Chi-Lites.
The best.
Believe it or not, The Chi-Lites were signed to the same label as Tommy James and them damn Shondells.
See, a lot of people think that, but they're wrong.
Chi-Lites were on Brunswick.
See you soon.
So, Tony, anyway Look, she's a great girl.
Beautiful girl, a little needy.
Frankly, I'm glad to have her off my payroll.
Thanks for understanding.
Wish you nothing but the best, bro.
Fried, you are now the legal owner.
Eat my dust, Donald Trump.
- Hey, Adriana.
- Jesus Christ! Why don't you go haunt a house or something? It's been a while, figured I'd check in.
So you crawl up my ass? What do you want, Robyn? I heard Paulie Gualtieri's out of jail.
- What do I know? - How does Christopher feel about that? Christopher likes Paulie, they're friends.
Is that a crime now, too? How is Christopher anyway? He looked tired last time I saw him.
If you're gonna turn me into a traitor, fine but do me a favor and stop asking about him like you give a shit how he is.
How is he doing with his drug problem? He doesn't have a drug problem.
How are you doing, Ade? Really.
I'm fine.
We're both fine.
As a matter of fact, we're thinking of finally getting married.
You have a good time today? Yeah, it was cool.
I love the ocean.
Feel like taking a ride? See that church? Your great grandfather helped build that almost 80 years ago.
He was a stonemason, the old man.
Came over from Avellino with $4 in his pocket.
Yeah, but I saw in a book where you could get a hotel room for, like, 10 cents a week then.
Room service must've been, like, one or two cents a meal.
Room service? We're talking about history here, A.
Your family's history.
Newark's history.
- Who gives a shit about Newark? - I'm making a point.
This neighborhood used to be beautiful.
Hundred percent Italian.
The 1920s, most of them right off the boat.
Most Italians couldn't even find a church that wanted them.
So what did they do, did they cry? Did they go to the government with their hand out? No.
They took care of their own problems.
They said, "You don't want us here? Fine.
We'll build our own, a better one.
" Look at all these buildings around here.
Most of them are falling down into the ground.
But that church is still standing.
You know why? The bricks? 'Cause our people give a shit, that's why.
Every Sunday, Italians from the old neighborhood drive miles to come here to pray.
They keep this place alive.
So how come we never do? Buy land, A.
, 'cause God ain't making any more of it.
This is advice I'm imparting to you as your father.
Now what? Are you afraid? Right, like I haven't seen places like this before.
See those houses over there? I'm buying them.
Those crappy ones? What for? For an investment.
What have I been saying? I don't know.
Real estate.
Buy real estate.
Dad, the black dude's coming over.
- Hey, what's up? - What's up? Five-O? Yeah, I'm Starsky and this is Hutch.
Smoke, crack, or crank? No, thank you, we're just having a look around.
- No eyeing if you ain't buying, man.
- Thought this was a free country.
Unless you want something, motherfucker, get the fuck off our street.
The language on you.
- You blow your father with that mouth? - What the fuck you say to my sister? Relax, I don't want trouble.
I'm showing my son the old neighborhood.
This is our neighborhood now.
Guinea motherfucker.
Yeah, I can see that.
So that's a crack ho.
Keep your fucking cracker ass off my motherfucking block! Come on, ease up.
She's really gonna marry him? - What is wrong with this girl? - Come on.
Moltisanti's a great catch.
Tall, dark, and sociopathic.
From a strategic standpoint, do the nuptials help us or hurt us? If they do get married brings them closer, obviously.
And by extension, gets her closer to Tony.
It could cause her to stop cooperating.
The guilt becomes overwhelming.
Remember Angel Diletto? I think it's more likely to have the opposite effect.
His problems really become her problems.
If they have kids, that's even more pressure.
The Dilettos never had kids.
I wouldn't count on children.
She's had some issues.
Female trouble.
Maybe Darwin was right.
Nature really does weed out the nimrods.
So what do we do, people? Yay or nay? Supportive or discouraging? If anyone objects to this marriage, speak now or forever hold your peace.
I say neutral or supportive.
Even if we discourage it, she'll go through with it anyway.
Agreed then.
They have our blessing.
To the happy couple.
These doctors own so much property.
You're going to buy four houses on Garside Street? You've certainly got your work cut out for you.
One day at a time.
Keep on keeping on.
Come on in.
You know, it really would've been better if we met over at Denny's.
What are you worried about? I was in the neighborhood.
So, what's up? Can I get you something? Scotch, right? I sent some of my guys down there to start gutting the place.
Turned out one of the houses was a crack den.
- So? - What, "so"? - We got to get them out of there.
- Why didn't your guys roust them? Oh, nice.
Bunch of white guys setting off caps in the ghetto.
That won't attract any attention at all.
- What do you want me to do? - Exert some influence, make some calls.
Get the donut squad to go down there and roust the shitbags.
Tony, it's not that easy Hello, Tony.
How you doing, hon? I'm very good.
No, I'm very well.
Thanks you very much.
She's taking a class at the community college, English as a Second Language.
You sound great.
Ronnie, I'll go make some lunch, some egg salad? Great.
You hungry? No.
Go light on the mayo.
Look, when you're dealing with squatters' rights or anything having to do with the homeless it can get very tricky.
Homeless? They're a bunch of fucking crackheads.
I understand they're gumming up the works.
But try to see the big picture.
The HUD approval came through.
In two weeks, we're gonna be looking at a huge windfall.
See, that's why you're a politician and not a businessman.
Maximum value is the big picture.
There must be $7,000 of copper pipe in there, if they haven't taken it out already.
I still don't know what you expect me to do about it.
Okay, all right.
We'll take the $7,000 out of your end? - Well, no, but - Come on, Ronnie.
University of Michigan.
Fucking figure it out.
Good dinner, baby.
- Let's get married.
- Whoa! Where'd this come from? I don't know.
It's gonna be two years we're engaged.
Let's just go down to City Hall.
City Hall? What are we, schwugs? You said you wanted a big wedding anyway.
I don't care about that shit.
I just want you.
It'll be cheaper anyway, we could buy a house.
Plus, a wife can't testify against her husband.
You can't have a club, stay out all night getting high when you have a kid.
What if we didn't have kids? Fuck that! What's the point of being married? I mean, what if we can't? If I can't? Would you still love me? Of course I'd still love you.
Why? There's something you should know.
A long time ago, years ago I had a medical procedure.
It was before we met.
My uterus got pierced.
- Both of them? - There's only one.
That's ovaries.
So what does that mean? You can't get pregnant? My doctor said it might be hard.
A friend gave me the name of a specialist in Manhattan.
You knew you were damaged goods and you never fucking told me? How could you call me that? Jesus fucking Christ! How could you lie to me like that? I tried to tell you once.
I wanted to.
I was afraid that you wouldn't propose.
You don't get it, Adriana.
I don't have a son, the Moltisanti name ends! That's it! - We could adopt.
- Yeah, that's great! Some kid with chinky eyes called Moltisanti! He'd get his ass kicked every day! You said you'd still love me.
That doesn't mean I'll fucking marry you! She's a great girl, Christopher.
You don't want to lose this one.
T's right.
You could have more kids than the Kennedys if you're married to some twat, what good is it? Gotta have balance in a relationship.
I know all that.
But what if the kid thing never happens? Come on, medicine today? Technology? You want my advice? And this is nothing about Ade or anybody else.
Stay single as long as you can.
Come on, what are you saying? No offense, but ask me, marriage and our thing don't jive.
Everybody we know is married.
Not everybody.
You love her, right? Yeah.
You know.
Then do the right thing.
When the shoe was on the other foot, your spleen she stood by you, right? Do you want to end up like my uncle Junior? Or worse, like Paulie? Exactly.
All right, thanks.
I've got to think about it.
All right.
- Ron! - Hi, Lenore.
What a nice surprise.
We're overdue for that dinner, the four of us.
- We absolutely are.
- Here they come.
We're late for practice.
He's in the den.
Okay, thanks.
The fact is, Mo, these people are criminals.
Drug addicts and dealers who've been occupying that house illegally.
What about the police? Get the seller, the urologist, to make the call.
They're crack addicts.
They'll be back there living in two hours.
The deal was for me to effectuate the purchase of these houses, period.
I realize that.
Nobody mentioned anything about violence.
We renounced it, remember? Then Eldridge went into the codpiece business.
I'm in a bind here.
What do you expect me to do? - Get some of your people to handle it.
- What people? Well, we can't send whites in there.
People of color.
You run a youth gang outreach program, don't you? - I'm on the board, Ron.
- Fine, I understand.
Take the $7,000 this is costing out of your end then.
Come on.
You know what I pay in child support to my first wife.
The chances I'm taking with this.
I'm putting it all on the line if I get caught.
Get some kids, gangbangers, whatever, you throw them some money.
When you think about it from a policing standpoint it's one group of recidivists beating on another.
Stop trying to justify it.
It's about the $7,000.
Let me tell you something else.
Guys like Tony, you don't fool around with these people.
My son I don't know what he understands.
I'm trying to tell him about the immigrants.
He's talking about room service.
We need to talk about your recent behavior in here.
- Your angry tirade? - You want to talk about that now? That was weeks ago.
It was my judgment that at the time you were in crisis about Gloria's suicide.
Didn't you get the flowers I sent? Your behavior was unacceptable, Anthony.
You cannot have these outbursts and expect to redeem yourself with an FTD bouquet.
I'm sorry, all right? It's good that you're sorry, but no, it's not all right.
We've been down this road before.
I know.
The fact that you're angry is fine.
And it's okay to talk about your anger.
But when it manifests itself in physicality it becomes unacceptable.
I never laid a finger on you.
You loomed.
- You threw my tissue holder.
- Then I picked it up.
I was very upset.
- You lied to me.
- I did not lie to you.
You withheld information about a very sensitive subject.
All right, look.
I know what I did was wrong.
Okay? And you may not believe this but I did exercise impulse control, and I have been controlling my anger.
This thing with my son, I went to show him the old neighborhood and we got accosted by these crackheads.
One of them had a gun.
The other one threw a bottle at my car.
Now it may not sound like much, but I let it go.
I drove away.
Well, in the future, I'll ask that you extend to me the same courtesy you would a crack addict.
All right, as long as we're being truthful here, you know, opening up? I've been holding a grudge against you for recommending that Wendi Kobler that half-assed adolescent shrink.
That stupid bitch almost sent my daughter to Barcelona.
You're right, it's no excuse.
l knew l hit something last night when l turned off the road.
Up and at them, Lieutenant.
How was your ride? Busted brake line.
- Yeah, what's it look like? - Like a busted brake line, man.
Good morning, honey.
- Can you fix it, B.
? - Gonna try.
Thanks, Hannibal.
l need those.
What do you need my tools for? Going to get my hands on the tape that'l prove Calvin Cutter's a murderer.
l won't leave the county without proof.
The tape won't do us good if we can't get out of the county with it.
Listen, I've been doing some thinking the kid thing and all.
I'm not happy that you lied to me.
But I think I want to try and deal with it.
Really? I love you, Adriana.
I want you in my life.
I love you, too, Christopher.
Are you high? You gotta start with that now? - I just want to be sure it's real.
- It is real.
I love you.
When can we get married? I was thinking maybe our anniversary, we could go to Vegas.
Vegas? Want to get married by some Elvis impersonator? - We would save money at least.
- No, it's a sacrament, Ade.
Why don't we have it here? All your friends could come.
We'll have it in the great room, or in the yard even, if it's nice out.
We can have Artie cater it.
I think Christopher will ask Tony to be his best man.
I am sure he will be honored.
- Does your mother know? - You're the first person I've told.
We'll decorate the whole house with mums.
Believe me, you will not save any money in Vegas.
My cousin Jackie and her husband Tommy, $60,000 at blackjack.
- I'm getting married! - I know! Give me some of that.
Remember, just shoot the ceiling and shit.
No 187 s.
Get the fuck out my house, motherfuckers! Get out and stay out! Hey, mister.
I'll kill you if you come around here, bitch.
Don't come back here no more.
Get the fuck out before we kill your asses! Fucker's got a.
9 mm! All right.
Don't come around here no more.
That's my brother.
Get out of here, you filthy bitch! Go! I told you young people that crack is some bad shit.
Fried, $1,300,000.
Tiffen, you take possession as of today.
Good luck now, and congratulations.
Thank you, Doctor.
For you.
- What's this? - It's a music box.
Holy shit.
A Patek? Yeah, me and Ralph got lucky on a new real estate investment.
You actually did it? - I was just speculating.
I never - Relax.
- Your name will never come up.
- It's not that, it's just The American taxpayers They pay for airport security, look how well that's going.
Give me a fucking break.
This is like a $15,000 watch, Tony.
I can't take this.
It's just a little thank you, that's all.
, what are you doing down there? It's me, Carm! Down here with Bri'.
- I'm just borrowing some tools.
- All right.
Thank you for this, really.
I gotta get dressed.
- Furio, hi, good morning.
- Good morning.
Come in.
What are you doing out in the cold? Today I'll wait in the car, I think.
Why? Don't you want some coffee? The motor is acting funny.
I need to keep my foot on the gas pedal.
Well, okay.
I was looking forward to seeing those pictures.
I'll let Tony know you're here.
Furio's here.
You doing some work on the house? Yeah, you know.
Sinking some anchors for a wall mirror.
Thank you.
How's the mousse? Fucking great.
I tell you the shit you miss when you're inside? There was a week where I would've killed for some Good & Plentys.
Should've told me.
I would've sent you some.
I know you would've.
See, that's the thing though.
What I need's not your problem.
- What do you mean? - Fucking Tony.
Four months I'm up there, like the Man in the Iron Mask.
Not one visit.
Not even a fucking phone call.
- The guy didn't reach out at all? - When do I ever complain? Paulie, look, the guy's the boss.
You visit a guy in the can these days You know the feds.
You give someone the time of day, it's a criminal conspiracy.
So he can't phone? You fucking did.
Even before I left, he was treating me like the ugly girl at the dance.
I'm sucking wind, and he's rolling in it with that fucking Christ killer.
Hesh? Fucking Zellman, fucking real estate scam.
The Frelinghuysen Avenue thing.
We had some words.
- Tony made it right.
- It's a different one now.
I'm not sure what it is.
All I know is fucking Ralphie's going around bragging about how much they're making.
Listen, John, I know we talk sometimes.
I tell you my problems, you tell me yours.
I have the highest regards for Carmine.
He thinks the world of you, also.
Even still, this shit don't leave the table, right? I'm hurt that you even have to ask.
As far as we know, those transformers are perfectly safe but I'll propose an ad-hoc study.
- Thank you, assemblyman.
- Okay, bye-bye.
Olmstead called regarding lunch, and you've got the zoning hearing at 4:00.
I'll call him later, I'm going to make a stop.
I'll see you back at the office and make sure that she's on the list for the fundraiser.
- Does this go your cousins? - No, Verrazano Salvage, ask for Gene.
Don't forget the fireplace mantles and the wall sconces.
Downtown, the yuppies pay top dollar.
We're on it, Ton', don't worry.
What brings you to beautiful downtown Newark? Meeting with one of my constituents.
- You going to be at the Bing tomorrow? - I don't know yet.
Maybe I'll see you over there then.
Maybe you will.
Is it going to be a nice house here now? I'm taking it.
I'll put it on my card, okay? It's with my clothes.
I'll get the seamstress.
I can't believe you're finally doing this.
So sudden, too.
The best part is going to be seeing how much people give us.
Lisa told me at her and Ricky's wedding, Bobby Canzoneri didn't cover his plate.
Shut up.
$40 in an envelope, not even a card.
I'll tell you, though, the main thing about getting married? I can never be called to testify.
What do you mean? - A wife can't testify against her husband? - Right.
Actually, though, I don't think that's actually true.
What do you mean? They did a whole Murder, She Wrote about that.
This butler thought his wife couldn't testify against her husband but it turns out, legally she actually could.
To claim marital privilege, three conditions must be met.
The communication must be made during the course of the marriage.
Anything said before you were married is fair game.
Two, the communication must involve only the spouses.
The presence of a third party destroys the privilege.
Three, communication can't be made in furtherance of a crime.
Oh, my God, it's a simple question.
Can they make me testify or not? The short answer? Probably.
In organized crime, a RICO, the feds will spend a fortune putting on their case.
Believe me, if they want you to testify, they're going to find a way.
Here you go, 10 percent apiece.
Technically, it's a little less but our friend rounded you up to an even $60,000.
There's plenty more where that came from.
A lot of poor families need affordable housing in Newark.
Ronnie, listen I didn't want to say this.
- No hard feelings? - Of course not.
- You sure you're all right? - I'm fine.
You're just being - You're being awfully quiet.
- I don't know, tired.
- You ever feel bad about any of this? - What do you mean? When I think about where we started out I used to think what I did made a difference.
The anti-drug programs, the voter drives.
But over the years it's like shoveling shit against the tide, you know that.
I guess.
You cut corners, but you help out.
Do the best you can.
If it ain't us, it's going to be somebody else.
Really, I mean What are we supposed to be, the only honest men? We were going to lead a revolution.
The revolution got sold, Ronnie.
You heard the Beatles for H&R Block? Sometimes I feel like I should be punished.
Come on, let's get something to eat.
Here's something I never thought I'd say: To the federal government.
Depends on which department.
A cappuccino maker, this is great.
Is that the Capresso? You'll love that, Ade.
Cappuccino now.
He used to drink Bosco.
I got it at Fortunoff's if you want to exchange it.
No scissors, bad luck! That's from me.
I can't count how many cheese melts I've made for Silvio in that thing.
Here, open this one, Ade.
Oh, girl l'd be in trouble if you left me now 'Cause l don't know where to look for love Oh, girl You got anything to drink? What's going on? What's up? Look, why don't you just calm down and I'm perfectly calm.
We can talk about whatever's bothering you.
Tony, this is crazy.
Come on, fuck! Tony, no! All the girls in New Jersey, you had to fuck this one? Go ahead, cry like a bitch.