The Starter Wife (2008) s01e01 Episode Script

Premiere

(wizard) Who interrupts my work day? Please sir, I want to go home.
You will travel through the valley of rejection.
Ahh! You live in the land of morning mists.
And you will find your home though it will not be where you left it.
Aah! But first, you must bring me the playlist of Julia Roberts' iPod.
Hurry! I'll call her agent! I'll call her facialist! I'll call her brother! (Scarecrow) Oh, you spilled my drink! Hello? Molly, there's poop.
The Millers' dog again.
Near the-- near the potted [over phone] whatever.
I'll take care of it.
Peggy, there's poop.
Right there.
I wonder what an appendix weighs.
[Molly narrating] You think I'm kidding? I have a rich inner life.
My outer life's not too shabby either.
These are my work clothes.
Chanel, Dior I may not go to an office, but I put in 16-hour days.
I wonder if Manolo Blahnik makes a bunny slipper.
(Kenny) Have you set the menu for the Spielberg brunch? (Molly) Yep, dry toast and water.
But you know, really great designer water.
What do you think? It's been set for three weeks.
Want some details? We're starting with an amusing little gravlax-- Got it.
What's tonight's schedule? Your tux is already at the office.
Limo comes at 5:00.
Do you want us to swing by and get you a chopped salad for the ride? Don't bother.
Just get me one of those energy bars Bob found at that place he went to.
Bob Tunney or Bob Crawford? I'll figure it out.
That's my girl.
Chloe! Did you get the most current tracking report? Uh, we ordered another sample to have before the 10:00 AM meeting.
If it comes in at 9:30, I want to see it by 9:31.
Hi, sweetheart.
Don't forget to share your cookies with Violet Affleck.
Okay, Daddy.
And Molly, for the love of God, you've got to do something about the Millers' pool filter.
Mwah.
Oh, hi Molly! Hi, Barbara.
I brought you a 2000 Lafitte to bribe you, to please please get that pool filter checked out.
Oh, that is so sweet.
Thank you.
We did have it checked out.
There's nothing wrong with it.
It's just a little noisy.
Did you ask if they make a quieter model? Wellif it ain't broke Thank you! ÆÆÀÃÐÜÀÖÔ°³õÉúÖ®×÷ ¡Í·ºÅÇ°ÆÞ¡· µÚ1¼¯ -=ÆÆÀÃÐÜ×ÖĻ×é=- ·­Òë:¹·ÐÜ&Ö½½í&²¨²¨&ÀÖÀÖ&С°× УÔ:С°× ʱ¼äÖá:Uranus&Knlight&Susan&СL&¾ÆÄÒ·¹´ü (Molly) Kenny and I were thrilled when Jaden got into Starting Gate.
It was everything we wanted.
Warm, creative, nurturing and Kenny could cast his movies on Back To School night.
Oh, wait, no no-- I got it.
Thanks.
DON't forget??? Gimme a kiss.
Mwah.
For later.
(Molly) I've often asked myself, "How many millionaire wives does it take to achieve inner peace?" Maybe it's hard to grow spiritually when you worship at the Church of Perpetual Upkeep.
Meg Ryan poached your nanny? Oh gosh, I'm sorry.
Okay, I've got to go.
Someone's calling me.
Bye.
What is it? A pre-Columbian People's Choice Award? Kenny is very proud of it.
He bought it with only five or six people's advice.
Ah.
Is it that bad? Not if you're pre-Columbian.
Well, you know Kenny's taste is eclectic.
There's "eclectic" and there's "What were you thinking?" Hey, he let us do the guest house the way we wanted.
We'll redo the mantle.
And after that the den? Yeah.
Yes.
Yes, yes, yes.
(man) Will that be all, Mrs.
Kagan? Yes, Steve.
Thank you.
So I had a dream last night.
Oh, God, can we eat first? And you were there.
(Molly) Like the scarecrow, Joan is the brains of our little group.
She's my oldest friend.
She hates it when I say that.
That's why I say it.
And you were there.
Rodney isn't so much cowardly as he is a commitment-phobe.
Also the only friend I pay by the hour.
And you were there.
Cricket is all heart.
Her adopted brood looks like the United Colors of Benetton.
Sorry I'm late.
I got here early.
You got lost, didn't you? No, I was buying Jimmy Choos for tonight; they have The Buckle.
I hope you and your shoes have a wonderful time.
Oh, I tried to get extra tickets for you through Jorge.
No luck.
Wanna come watch Charlie Rose with me an Pappy tonight? Do you have to call him Pappy? That's his name.
It's just so on the nose.
Oh, and Rodney isn't? (Cricket) Did you see Amy out there? She couldn't get a table.
(Rodney) No one can get a table.
No, they made it pretty clear to her she couldn't get a table anymore.
Who's Amy? (Molly) She's in our yoga class.
Wife of Bo Farrell.
(Molly) Soon to be ex-wife of.
Oh.
And when you're no longer the wife of Starter wife.
Oh, I can't stand this stage.
When she doesn't realize she's the amputated limb.
Not attached to the body that gets her into parties.
Or 8:00 reservations at Morton's.
But she keeps trying 'cause she feels the same.
The nerves still tingle with the lost importance.
Another carafe over here, please! Oh, I hate this town sometimes.
Me too.
It's a sick business.
Sickening, depraved-- I'm so glad I'm not part of it.
I got you into the premier! Tell me again what I'm doing at a premier of a movie we didn't make.
Ingenue.
We're wooing her for Who's Your Daddy III.
Oh, speaking of which, what's this pet project of Jorge's about? Some boring shlub with a dead kid.
Jorge doesn't want to direct another comedy next, let alone Daddy.
We'll make a two-picture deal but Daddy comes first.
Then we give him 10 million and he can knock himself out.
(Kenny) I don't think it will come to that.
I want to lock him for Daddy and string him along on Dutch Bureaucrat's Son.
Ugh, what a title.
Yeah, says it all, huh? Yeah, "Stay away if you're under 55.
" (Molly) Oh, that dress is gorgeous.
You've got to mingle; you've got to smile.
You've got to remember names.
Hi! All in four-inch heels.
3:00.
Name? Hey, Kenny! Hey, hey, hey! Hi.
Molly, you look beautiful.
Oh, thank you so-- Your name just flew out of my head.
Rick Dunn.
Honey, Rick Dunn.
You remember.
(quietly) Oh, I love you.
(Molly) This is what I call the coal mines.
It's usually hot and sweaty and everybody is shoveling something.
On the floor.
Got 'em, you know? But it's not my thing until the play-offs.
All right, um Wimbledon.
How about a box at Wimbledon? Got 'em too, but thank you for thinking of me.
Thank you so much for that photograph.
Your daughter's so beautiful.
Thank you.
So? I gotta hand it to you.
The whole budget's playing right up there on the screen.
So you hated it.
No! Hey, it's tracking really well.
Your unaided awareness is up.
They're getting your videos on MTV.
Everything's great for you.
(Kenny) Don't worry.
This won't be the last movie you direct.
As long as you can deliver $20 million (Molly) The best part of coal mining is coming up for a breath of fresh air.
At a big Hollywood A-list premiere, Get stupid for my sake.
Thank you! You heard the man.
(Rodney) Oh, those are lethal.
They should've supplied them before the movie.
Okay, where's karaoke? Oh, it's, uh over here next to the tribal chieftain photo op.
I hope it's pre-beheading.
I mean, are you sure Kenny had nothing to do with this bloodfest? Molly The Murdochs want us over for drink-- Oops.
Sounds like fun! Oh, not invited again.
You take the limo.
I'llI'll find my way home.
I'll see you later.
(Kenny) Good-bye.
Hi.
If I paint my face blue, can I go home? Yes.
Kenny? You're cutting out.
I can't hear you.
Tell-- [loudly] Tell me when you get home! Can't it wait? [Kenny over speaker phone] I want a divorce.
I'm staying at the Peninsula.
I'll call you tomorrow.
Oh, my God.
I'm a starter wife.
This is just what I was hoping to avoid.
Really? 'Cause I was hoping to avoid being dumped via Cingular Wireless.
Molly, there's no good way of doing it.
"It? It?"-- this is our marriage.
Kenny, what-- what are you doing? I'm breaking up with you.
You're breaking up with me? This isn't high school! This isn't prom dates and study hall; this--this is our life.
This is Jaden, the house, your parents who-- who finally like me-- Babe-- No, no, don't "Babe" me.
Look, talk to me, talk to me.
Look at me.
[chuckling nervously] Just look-- just--just-- Look at me.
Talk to me.
We're a team.
We're the A-team.
Honey honey, don't do this.
Honey, don't do this.
You don't want to do this.
You're right.
I don't want to do this.
But it's Mmm, it's over.
You gave it your best shot.
My best shot? What--I failed my job evaluation? I work 24/7 making sure that Kenny Kagan never has to remember or do anything that he doesn't want to do, and I do it all with perfect hair! It just felt like the right time to reassess.
Is there another woman? No.
Is this because of the blueface paint? No.
Oh, God.
Point is, when I'm brutally honest with myself, I wonder if this is where I should be.
What about Jaden? Kids are resilient.
Then why are there so many screwed up adults? You didn't happen to bring my mail, did you? No TV before school.
But it's the new Shoshanna video.
Turn it off, please.
(Cricket) Brush your teeth after breakfast.
Good boy.
You don't seem very surprised.
Kenny needed someone to talk to.
You knew and you didn't tell me? I promised.
Kenny and I are friends.
What about Jaden? Kids are resilient.
Then why are there so many screwed up adults? You didn't happen to bring my mail, did you? No TV before school.
But it's the new Shoshanna video.
Turn it off, please.
(Cricket) Brush your teeth after breakfast.
Good boy.
You don't seem very surprised.
Kenny neednn someone to talk to.
You knew and you didn't tell me? I promised.
Kenny and I are friends.
It's brought us closer together.
Cricket, he's given Dutch Bureaucrat to Lou.
Lou likes it.
They want to see a budget.
Okay.
Which means things are a little delicate right now.
I don't want Kenny to think that we've chosen Molly over him.
We're meeting for lunch.
She needs me.
We talk ten times a day.
We share our Prada.
That could c comicated.
What if they get back together? Well, then it's all good.
Oh, Molly! Oh, it's awful.
It totally sucks.
Yeah.
Oh, you poor thing.
Here.
You know, we didn't expect you to come.
You must be overwhelmed.
Well, the fundraiser is in two months.
I'm not gonna let you down.
The invitation looks just great.
Oh, great.
Although I'm not sure about the confetti raining through the words "cervical cancer.
" Don't you worry about it, okay? Lisa's going to take over.
Come on, come on-- up you get.
You do what you need to do.
Okay? You worry about Molly.
Okay, bye now.
Bye.
(woman) Hold on, Mrs.
Kagan.
I'm afraid your membership has been cancelled.
The contents of your locker.
Yeah, right.
My charities have dropped me.
All of my lunches have cancelled.
My club has-has revoked my membership.
Can they even do that? Are the even allowed to do that? Legally, it's Kenny's membership.
Legally shmegally! I'm talking about right and wrong! Yeah, but in the state of California-- You're right.
(Rodney) He's wrong.
I tried to re-up for Mommy and Me class and he said it was booked! Look at my schedule-- empty! Step back, everyone.
She's just a little cranky.
Of course I'm cranky! I haven't eaten in 12 years! (Joan) "Lunch with Joan "my very best friend.
" "Dinner with Rodney.
" Huh? "Whom I like even more than Joan.
" Have you asked if there's anything you can change? Sometimes it's just the little things, like leaving the cap off the toothpaste.
I never leave the cap off the toothpaste.
I roll from the bottom.
I wipe the sink dry! My habits in the bathroom are impeccable! I even-- I even put the seat up for Kenny! We're agreed; nothing to do with the bathroom.
It has nothing to do with anything.
I'm just being Let go.
(Joan) You should've done what I did-- Wait 'til you're 40 to get married and then pick a 60-year-old.
Don't give up, Molly.
Who'll ski the bunny slopes with me at Sundance? We have to save this marriage.
We don't want to save it; it's a mixed marriage.
Kenny's an asshole and Molly isn't.
Molly, have you heard about that new cosmetic surgery [quietly] down there? Australia? Oh, that a new word for it.
I heard Courtney Love's Australia looks like a rosebud now.
Maybe it would get Kenny off his Bluetooth.
Cricket, she doesn't love Kenny.
Hey, no--wait, no-- I never said that.
(Cricket) She never said that.
Okay, fine, I don't feel the same.
But things change.
Love grows in just a different direction.
Infatuation is replaced by-- Affection.
Disgust.
No.
Respect? Contempt.
No.
Familiarity? Tedium.
Yes, but no.
Give it up, girl.
You need to get away.
Regroup.
Why don't you take my house in the summer when Pappy and I are in France? We leave in two weeks.
Malibu Colony is just Hollywood by the sea.
If she doesn't want it, can I-- No.
Mei Mei's birthday party.
It's a week from Saturday, right? Maybe it would be fun ifgirls went out, ike, to tea at the Beverly Hills Hotel.
(MOly)No, don't be silly Gonna miss your dghter's birthday party.
It's really not gonna be all that big a deal.
Lou, The Dutch Bureaucrat's Son is a labor of love for Jorge.
It's his shot at getting an Oscar for directing.
I keep playing that canal dredging scene in my head.
I mean, the clouds, the women weeping silently as he picks up the little wooden shoe, I mean-- Killer stuff.
What kind of budget are we talking about? 27 million.
Uh, we're never gonna spend that on a word-of-mouth movie.
Okay, 26.
5.
We can do it 26.
5.
(Lou) About half of what this party's worth? Hey, did you invite Molly? It was, um before.
I can't believe she's here.
So have we closed your deal yet on, uh, Who's Your Daddy III? No.
Ask for the moon.
Ask for the moon-- Um.
Hi, I'm doing Glass Menagerie at the Burbank Theater for two more weekends.
Oh, great play! Thanks! So, maybe you don't realize how uncomfortable everybody feels right now with us here.
I'm not.
I actually brought a child to the party.
Oh, yeah.
Okay, but from now on, you know, let's plan better.
Mmm.
Hey, Kenny, what's happening? It's all good, man.
Hi, Grant! Listen, can you be out of the house by 7:30 tomorrow morning? You didn't cancel the Spielberg lunch? It's been in the books for months.
(both) Hey! You think I'm gonna leave the house whenever you need it? Well, yeah.
Can I have Jaden tomorrow? They're bringing the kids.
Unbelievable.
Unbelievable.
Hi! Hey, hey, hey! Aha ha.
Ah you know what, Kenny? Take the house for he summer.
I've got other options.
And I will leave Jaden tomorrow because she adores the But I want her back first thing.
Okay, sure.
What am I supposedpp tel he t "Go home before the acrobats so my husband can get his movie made?" I don't know, sweetheart.
But sooner than later, okay? [softly] Oh, God.
And that's what happens when you have out-of-work actors pulling rickshaws.
So how long did you know before I did? I knew before Kenny.
He's not the kind of guy to go the distance.
Spoken by a man who has three ex-wives.
Why'd you even marry that bonehead? He's a marketing genius but he's still a bonehead.
You can do better.
I'll be in touch.
When the dragon avoids you you know it's ti to go.
Molly.
Oh, hey-- I was just leaving.
Oh, oh my gosh, this party is so incredible.
I decided to take Joan up on her offer, so I've got some packing to do.
Look at Jaden.
Oh, my goodness.
She's just having a ball.
I don't know when we're ever gonna get to China.
I'm sure it's not gonna be as fun as this.
Can you, um.
can you call me when she's ready to go? Sure.
Okay, great.
Love you.
I'm so stopping for burger and fries on the way home.
(Molly) I'm glad I'll have a few days with Joan before she leaves.
It'll be healing, like putting alcohol in the wound literally and figuratively.
Molly Kagan? Oh, God, is it that obvious? How did Joan describe me? "No longer young, tossed away first wife fleeing from the life she could no longer have?" Black Lincoln Navigator, license 6GQH52P.
Oh, good, clever.
'Cause I don't want your pity.
That works for me since I've got $50,000 worth of student loans and my grandma and I mi because of her dog.
(Molly) Oof, if I were single Oh, I am.
Parking pass, keys to the house.
Joan's not home? She was picked up about an hour ago.
Welcome to the Colony.
Oh, Pappy, the things I do for you.
Ommmm I am relaxed.
I am part of the sea and the sky.
The part that has gained five pounds in the last three weeks-- stop it.
Okay, who am I? How did I get here? Just jump in anywhere.
Why did I marry Kenny? Ooh, very bold question.
Good for you.
Surely I didn't marry Kenny so I wouldn't have to work.
I liked writing.
I was published.
Mmm, that actually looks good.
Too bad I couldn't afford a pair of tweezers.
Truth is I was lonely.
Uninspired.
My world was black and white.
And then Kenny Kagan came along.
When was the last time you had a decent meal? (Molly) He was a man who knew what he wanted.
And he wanted me.
(Molly) He was funny.
He was charming.
He was romantic.
I was ready for an adventure, and he offered me the yellow brick road.
Who knew that ten years later I'd be in charge of Toto's poop? Welcome to Clarity Harbor, Mrs.
McAllister.
Thank you.
I'm Dr.
Peter Hexton.
Please call me Peter.
I hope your trip was a gift of contemplation.
Holy mother, this is gonna be a long 30 days.
(Molly) Uh, Joan, where are you? Apparently, uh, my bumper goes outside your yellow lines and into Mr.
Lewis' yellow lines which I guess is bad.
Not "apparently.
" It does! (Molly) Yes, Mr.
Lewis, you're right; it does.
And I will-- I will correct this situation as soon as I can.
Um, I need to put my big huge mother of a car into your garage, but I can't seem to find any key to your microscopic car to move it.
Try the guard.
Okay.
Nice neighborhood.
Yeah, I saw the new lease, but after 16 years she's gotten a little attached to Tater.
Can you just wait a couple of months until she's dead? The dog, not my grandmother.
Please.
Mr.
Lewis says my bumper is trespassing.
Oh, you t the parkin czar.
Uh, yeah.
And I can't move my car into the garage because I dYou knowe the keys to Joan's cars.
You know he has cameras trained on all his parking spots.
He can see his spaces from Aspen, New York, and Lake Como.
That's his vacation? I'm Lavender.
Bring our troops home from Iraq; drive the Prius instead.
(Jaden) Mommy! (Molly) I missed you so much! Hi, Ana.
We are gonna have the most wonderful summer ever.
Look-- look at our back yard! Jaden? Jaden? Don't ??? I ??? Jaden, sweetie, sweetie, sweetie.
Sweetie, tell me.
Talk to me.
What happened? Don't want to go! But you love the beach.
And look what I bought! All these great toys we could play with.
Sharks! Oh, sweetie, no.
No.
It ate the boat.
You watched Jaws? [in foreign accent] Mr.
Kenny had all of Mr.
Spielberg's DVDs out.
Of course he did.
You know what, pumpkin? There are no sharks in the water out here.
Okay, how about the sand, hmm? There are no sharks in the sand.
Not even in the movie.
Okay.
Okay, okay, okay.
The ??? If you remember, I tried to talk you-- You didn't try hard enough! Well, unfortunately they're custom and they can't be returned.
I'm not paying for them.
They're hideous.
Get them out of my house.
Hi, Molly.
I'm in designer hell.
Please get back together with Kenny and hire me! He let Jaden watch Jaws! Kill him and hire me.
[Molly over phone] Come over on Fourth of July.
We'll troll the parties together.
Is Molly's Australia coming back to life? No, it's closed for the season.
I just can't hide inside on the biggest weekend of the year here.
[Molly over phone] Even I have a limit to how pathetic I'm willing to feel.
What's not to like? Bye.
Breasts, check.
Those aren't ever going to droop.
Hair those follicles probably don't even exist anymore.
Nothing to be ashamed about here-- oh, God! Is it sharks? Uh, no, worse-- Mommy saw her butt.
[giggling] Can I see it? No, Mommy's putting it away.
Here, how's this? (Molly) You're not losing a husband you're gaining a hundred pounds.
I can live with that.
(Rodney) Well, that's (Molly) God bless you.
Um, you got a fax.
Hmm.
"So we don't cross paths.
" Kenny's party schedule for today.
"Mimosg's, 10:00-10:30.
"Leo's for brunch, 10:30-11:30.
" "Brangelina, 11:30-2:00.
" Oh, he must be offering Brad that, uh, cop thriller.
"Jerry Bruckheimer, 2:00-2:45.
" Like I'm invited.
Oh, who cares? Everyone's blind by noon.
(Rodney) Tom Hanks, Jim Carrey, Ridley Scott.
Oh, but look how pretty it is-- Uh-oh, lost the fax! Wait a minute, I got it.
(Jorge) I know your type of people! Do you think celebrating the Fourth of July suppresses their native nationalities? We could just stay home.
But we always go to the Colony on the Fourth.
(Jorge) All right, who's in my car? Boris would love to! All right, girls.
Looks like you're with me.
Thank you.
(Molly) They couldn't even choke out a hello.
(Rodney) It's like you're radioactive.
I told you.
Which proves that you can be drunk and still remember to shun Molly Kagan.
Can we go home and watch Emeril on widescreen? Mmm.
Please, I'll rub your feet.
I'll answer your email-- anything.
Please, please be merciful.
One more.
Cricket, Cricket-- Cricket, hi! Oh, my goodness, it's been so long.
And you haven't even come to visit me yet.
I've been crazy busy.
Hi! And--and I know how much you have on your plate right now.
You too, Cricket? It'd be a whole lot simpler for you if I just swam out there and sank like a stone, wouldn't it? Yes.
But I'd miss you.
I'll miss you too.
(Rodney) Hmm.
I'm done.
Ohum Nice talking with you.
That's a reallygreatshirt.
And then she said to me-- well, I said to her, really, "15% to 20% R.
O.
I.
-- "what are we doing in this business?" Uh? I don't know either.
So then I left.
I just walked away like I'm doing now.
I'll see you later.
Hey, Johnson! Johnson, no--no-- It's upstairs.
I said it was upstairs.
(Lou) Enjoying my view, Molly? This is your house? For the summer.
I'm renovating the Broad Beach house.
Come on in.
So how's the party? Oh.
A little scary.
Uh, with all due respect to 200 of your nearest and dearest friends.
If I kept a guest list of my nearest and dearest, I could masturbate in the living room without fear of embarrassment.
Ha! Well, at least they respect you enough to show up.
Please, it's not respect.
It's ambition or greed.
Or some variation of wants or needs And I'm the asshole who gets to crush them with a single "no.
" Bu?? And you got out.
I was kicked out.
Lucky girl.
Until we get to the traumatic events that you've been masking with alcohol, we can't move forward.
Forward as in leaving? I don't think you should focus on leaving, Joan.
Your husband called me from France and he agreed that we should take as much time as we need.
But being a vegetarian was traumatic in Staten Island.
I was different and outcast.
I still feel that way.
I think you like being different.
Bambi hated that I was different.
Bambi? My sister.
She microwaved my hamster.
Hi, Joan.
?? Hope you're having a great time in France.
I just thought I'd call and give you an update.
The highlights of the week.
Let's see.
Jaden won't go near the sand.
Cricket broke up with me.
Kenny showed up at the Colony.
Uh, Rodney is having a chair crisis.
And my ass is the size of Ohio.
Oh, yeah, and Ana broke your ice crusher.
I do have a resolution.
Every day, I'm going to try something new.
Ne worry pas about moi.
Looks easy enough.
Ha.
Ooh.
La la la la.
Uh, oh! Okay.
Okay.
Yep.
This is good.
At the end of the day, the only person you can count on is yourself.
Gotta find your bliss, keep on going.
And when you get stuck, Just haul yourself up by the bootstraps.
Let a smile be your umbrella.
Crap! Go for the gold! Ugh.
If there's a time in your life for platitudes, this is it.
Okay.
Ah! Ah, cold.
Oh! Oh ho ho--whoo! Okay, here we go.
Oh, okay.
Okay! Now we're cooking.
Whoo, this is good.
This is good.
Whoo! Whoa! I'm kayaking! I'm an athlete! Thank you for saving my life.
Let's see if it's a life worth saving.
[deep voice] Will you marry me? [high-pitched voice] Yes, I'll marry you.
And we'll be happy together forever and ever.
[deep voice] [makes kisI want a divorce.
I'll be at the Peninsula.
I'll call you tomorrow.
Yee-haw! Wahoo! Oo-yah, Ee! When you told me that there was no other woman, is that because Shoshanna hasn't gone through puberty yet? There was a little overlap, that's all.
We didn't sleep together till I knew for sure I was breaking up with you.
Hey, Chloe can't find the number for the window washer.
Could you call him? I need him before Saturday.
Oh, sure.
Sure.
I'll call the window washer.
And when I'm done screwing his brains out, I'll have him get in touch.
That was pretty.
I think we might need to call information, Chloe.
Jack something? Where were we? Radicchio? You should Xerox that list.
Molly usually kept those things d in the refrigeratori Here? No at the hou Mr.
Kagan, you hired me to assist you with your duties here.
Oh, my degree's in film criticism, not home ec.
Chloe, have a seat.
Um.
I know you were fourth in your class at NYU.
And you're gonna learn a hell of a lot working for me.
But if you're not willing to play whatever position I need you in, I'm gonna cut you from the team.
Your call.
Radicchio.
That a girl.
Here you go, Mr.
Kagan.
Yeah, baby! Here we go.
You stay right here, okay? Just watch.
Here she goes! She loves it! You wanna try? Yeah? Here we go.
Hey, here we go--oh! Oh.
Oh, boy.
It's okay! She's , my goodness.
okey, she's okay.
Dolly! There she is.
She's okay! Ana.
Okay.
You know what, honey? I'm gonna be right back.
Come here.
Come here, come on.
Come on, come on, come on.
Come on.
Good catch.
Thanks.
You know, if I had drowned yesterday, you would've had to run and get it yourself.
Oh, no, the dog would've.
Oh, so I haven't justified my existence yet? Not really.
What if I told you I was an ER doctor, and I save lives on a daily basis? I'd say you spend a lot of time in a bathing suit for an ER doctor.
That's no way to look at a doctor.
You're welcome.
Hey, I did say thank you.
And you said, and I quote, "Let's see if it's a life worth saving.
" Pretty provocative thing to say to a stranger.
Was I supposed to respond? Was I supposed to list my good deeds? It was out of line.
A man saves my life.
Saves my life.
And then asks me if there was any point.
I couldn't sleep all night.
What the hell kind of thing is that to say to a person? Okay, fine, you're right! I can't claim any great contribution to society.
I-I'm not a doctor.
I wrote one children's book, ten people bought it.
And I built my whole life around my husband, my husband who dumped me for a younger woman.
Oh, he denies it.
He says it was something he couldn't define.
And you see Shoshanna in Aloha Girls, trust me, I can define it.
Am I a good mother? God, I don't know! Between one and ten, I'm somewhere in between.
Enough! I'm sorry you were up all night thinking about me.
You do not have to make it sound-- That was a joke.
Oh.
I just have this thing about people plowing through their lives without examining them.
And that does no At all.
I bruise easily.
I'm sorry.
Well nice chatting with you.
Sam.
Sam.
Molly.
Molly.
Taffy wants you to play.
Taffy? Did your wife name him? No.
Right.
Wouldn't wanna get too personal.
See you around, Sam.
I cat decide if I'm more upset with Cricket because she's such a wimp, or because she's not here when there's so much to talk about.
She'll come around.
Yeah, but not while my Kenny outrage is fresh.
When she does come around,then there'll be the awkward week where I'll have to pretend like she didn't rip my heart out.
[loud] See, sweetie? Isn't little Nemo having fun in the ocean? He's not scared at all.
Then there's the breakdown, where I spew my hurt and resentment.
That'll take another week for Cricket to repair with apologies and expensive lunches, and by that time, the festering boil that is Shoshanna will be a dim memory.
No.
I'll keep it alive.
I'll poke it, and prod it, and keep it nice and sore.
I'm so confused.
Part of me is horrified.
And the other part says, "Really? Shoshanna and I slept with the same person?" Cricket'll come around, right? You gave up on tweezing.
Just No, it-- Table for two.
Are you a walk-in? Swim-in.
It'll be awhile.
Your name? Cousteau.
If you'd, um Ladies' lunch.
Very grown-up.
Christmasing in Big Bear? I mean, you've gotta be kidding me! (both) Molly! Look at you.
Sonatural.
Oh, I would love not to care anymore.
Do you have anything for two weary shoppers? Right this way, Mrs.
Pennell.
Great.
How about we go home, and we have PB and J? But I want ladies' lunch, please.
That's so sad.
Lunch with your child.
Ugh.
At least she didn't bring the nanny too.
Thank you, darling.
Please? They make you dive for your own lobster? It might come to that.
We seem to be having a little trouble getting a table.
Really? Really.
Mm-hmm.
Hello, Mr.
Manahan.
Your table's ready.
Hmm.
Come on, come here.
Here we go.
Um How would you describe your job? What? 'Cause I'm looking at empty tables, and I'm looking at these lovely, hungry ladies You see where I'm going with this? I didn't know they were with you, Mr.
Manahan.
Right this way.
Hmm.
Right this way.
Mm-hmm.
She's going out with who? You told her she looked like crap.
I said natural! Well, it's the same thing.
Thank you.
Here.
Miss, um, just to be perfectly clear here, whenever Molly comes in, she's with me.
Even if I'm not here, she's with me.
Yes, sir.
Some sake on the house? Yes.
Anything you like.
On the edge of their seats.
This is so not on my self-improvement list.
Touch my hair a little.
Mm.
Throw your head back and laugh.
Beautiful.
So how'd you like to come over and have dinner Friday night, we'll eat on the deck, make a big public show of affection.
Just for the show of it, of course.
I was only kidding.
You're a real character, Molly.
I--looking at you, II'm not sure how your story ends.
Well, uh Probably with an ironic twist only the French understand.
How 'bout you? Me? Mm.
Nothing we all haven't seen a million times.
I could use a little ironic twist.
You know what I'm talking about? Is that a yes? Oh, Molly, hi! I just came over to extend an invite to Molly for dinner Friday night.
For you and a date.
You know, we're sorry, but we have an evening planned.
Just us, out on the deck, enjoying the full moon.
And you know how we natural women love to howl at the moon.
Well, okay, yeah.
Bye-bye.
Call me.
Me too.
Hey.
You made me late.
Oh.
I am never late.
Oh, about Friday.
I lied about the full moon.
There's no full moon.
But it sounded good.
Is that a no? What's with the nun suit, babe? No, actually, it's kinda sexy.
No.
Tonight, we're gonna have a good bottle of wine and talk.
Talk? Yes, the thing I would've usually done with Molly, but I haven't, and I need to.
So we, you and I We.
are gonna talk first.
Uh, that makes sense, that seems fair.
Shoot.
Kim showed up at lunch wearing her mother's old charm bracelet.
Oh, no kidding? In the beginning, I thought it was cute that she copied me.
It's hard to acquire your own fashion sense.
Everyone copies someone at first.
But the bracelet goes too far.
Too far! Too far.
Everybody knows that's my signature.
Your luscious legs are your signature.
That's not a good answer.
Okay.
Okay, honestly? I did not know that the bracelet was your signature.
I wear it every day! And that makes it your signature? Well, of course that makes it my signature.
Why else would I wear something every day? I don't know.
Are we done yet? No, Jorge.
This is not that hard.
I want you to think about all the things that I've told you, and give me your opinion.
Okay, well It sounds a little weird.
One of those single white female kind of things.
I mean, is she a nutcase? Kim is not a nutcase, she's a bitch.
A bitch who thinks she can replace me.
Yeah, sure, I can see that.
So, okay, what you do Call her up, and you let her know that you know what she's doing, and she can just go screw herself.
Mm-hmm.
I suppose you think that's helpful.
Oh--you want me to call her.
Huh? You wanna get lucky? Oh, boy.
Then name three charms on my bracelet.
The Eiffel Tower.
A heart.
Wha--what? Uh, a Scottie dog.
Uh, the CN Tower.
Uh Uh, there's a battleship on there, I'm sure.
(man) Your feet hate your shoes.
All your shoes.
Joan, where are you? Surely everyone isn't sleeping all the time in France.
Please come home.
Or get a phone that works! The only person I have to talk to is Jaden, and I can't really talk to her about men.
Oh, that's right.
Men.
Plural.
This hot actor type who has a dog named Taffy-- that means he's married, right? And get this, Lou, Kenny's boss, he says I'm different.
That he doesn't know how my story's gonna end.
What does that even mean? I have no idea.
My antenna is broken.
I have scads and scads of enigmatic dialogue to pick apart and analyze, and no one here to help me.
Shh! It's a bunion ad! Shh! Oh, you, shoosh! I can't do this alone! (man) Bunion cream for your feet.
Available at the concession stand and fine footwear stores everywhere.
Paying this invoice for twelve chairs has pretty much wiped out the rest of your checking account.
That and your trip to Fiji.
I amended your pension.
I have a pension? Had a pension.
Good.
You never should have kept your building and youryour staff as long as you did.
Well, you don't catch the big fish by answering your own phones and taking meetings at McDonald's.
Glen and Lola were with me for years.
Yeah, meanwhile, they got a pension.
Thanks to you.
[sighing] Ugh--are we talking bankruptcy? Not if you start living realistically.
The high end of your business is fickle.
Very few can sustain the kind of success that you had for very long.
You're telling me to think small.
Yeah.
And I'm afraid I have to advise you to--to, uh, downsize me.
Right there.
My hand.
Thanks for bringing Jaden back.
They refer to me inside as the mystery date.
Not very flattering.
Well, she did overdo it at the tanning salon.
No, your hand.
Looks old.
Do you think I should get a paraffin treatment? Hard to keep up, isn't it? She's insatiable.
Really? So, you mean, no matter what you do, she's never satisfied? Exactly.
Mm-hmm.
These photographers, they're vultures.
Everywhere we go, just--there's no privacy.
It's crazy.
Hummus.
Kenny, I-I'm concerned about Jaden and Shoshanna.
Don't worry, Molly.
You'll always be her mommy.
I know that.
I'm asking you to keep these parts of your life separate for now.
I mean, you said it yourself.
It's crazy.
And I think Jaden has been through enough.
We all have.
Yes, but she's five.
This is about your mother dating all those guys, isn't it? No, Kenny.
For once, this really is about you.
Okay, all right.
I'll keep them apart.
For now.
Thank you.
[whispering] Crazy.
Cricket? Cricket? Butterfly Shamrock Unicorn.
Sasha.
Oh, I (Molly) Remember that song, You've Got A Friend? Well, I don't.
Coffee? Huh.
Thanks.
Quiet.
What are you reading? Uha mystery.
Why the Rich Lady Brought the Security Guard Coffee.
Oh.
Let me know how it turns out.
Hey.
I could use a study break.
Tater, you got a mouth on you, all right.
Hush up.
So where do you go to school? UCLA.
At least, as long as I can pay for it.
Oh.
Took me seven years to put myself through college.
Grew up in Detroit.
Divorced mom, dad out of the picture.
Worked since I was 14.
Oh, until you married up.
Way up.
I had never been in a foreign car before Kenny, except a VW Rabbit.
Even his toilet paper was better.
Well, I don't blame you.
Because of that thing, I'm about to be evicted.
So if you know any rich, available men My husband.
As soon as he breaks up with Shoshanna.
I always get her castoffs.
Oh, hmm.
Yeah.
Well, as much as I'd like to be the noble ghetto girl with the higher calling, I'm too tired.
I mean, where's the fun? I sure hope you don't think I have the answer.
[laughing] Oh, hell no.
You're pathetic, wandering around here all lonely, whenever your daughter leaves.
I miss her.
Anyway.
Shh.
Oh, um, if you ever find yourself in a jam You can stay with me.
Coffee's fine.
Thanks.
Oh, and, um, keep your doors locked.
There's been a couple break-ins.
Will do.
Oh, stop that, Taffy.
You've already had your walk.
Maybe later, girl.
Here you go, Mrs.
Caldecott.
You need to call the doctor for the next refill.
Oh, thank you, Sam.
(Mrs.
Caldecott) Come on, Taffy.
[laughing] Come on! Come on, you've already had your walk.
Go on, Taffy.
I see you got rid of the dog.
I told you I would, Vernon.
You don't have to go snooping around my apartment.
Bye.
I wasn't snooping.
Oh, good.
Then you must've been consulting with Nana about new carpets.
Very funny.
Ha! Ha ha ha! Annoying ring, isn't it? Got to get that changed.
Yo, Cheryl! How's Tater liking her new home? [laughs] Yeah, oh, yeah.
Yeah.
The house is empty, but the TV's on.
[crying] Mom's gone.
I don't know why.
I hear Bambi laughing.
And then I Oh, I can't.
It's too--too Images, Joan, gather the images.
Okay.
Hairy, rough hands.
Musk, oil, and sweat.
Bambi laughing, laughing.
Talking dirty to the man.
Money.
I see money.
They gave her money for me! Oh! I--I'm heaved into t-the trunk of a car.
My head bangs against the toolbox.
Bumping! Smell of maple syrup! Christmas carols on the radio! Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way Oh, what fun la, la, la, la [sobbing] I've forgotten the words! We have done a lot of hard work today.
I don't think I've ever had a patient recover so many memories in one hour.
Oh, I I'm so depleted.
We need to confront Bambi, Joan.
We need her in here.
No! Maybe not today or tomorrow.
Or the next day.
Or the day after that.
It may take months.
But if you wanna get well Okay.
Wow, honey.
Yeah.
So--so Shoshanna was there the whole weekend, huh? Um, Ana, can you run a bath for Jaden, please? Sure I'll be in in a second.
(Kenny's voicemail) Hey, ho, you did it.
You got Kenny Kagan on the phone.
I'm currently unavailable.
Please, please leave a message at the tone.
Peace.
[beep] Yeah, here's your message.
You are such a schmuck! Call me back.
Okay.
Bye.
He's not really at the dentist, is he? No.
What a coward! He knew I was gonna flip out, and so he sends you.
He told me he wanted me to take notes at a writers' meeting.
When I got to the house, he said it was canceled, and would I bring your daughter home? How did he know that I was even gonna be here? They're not supposed to be back for another two hours.
He says you have no life.
I see.
Bye, Mrs.
Kagan.
Oh, please.
Call me Molly.
? Hi, Lou, it's Molly.
Just confirming Friday night, 7:00.
Let's howl.
You don't need to call back.
I'm not taking no for an answer.
Bye.
Come back here,put that back I'm telling you, stay out of the Colony.
You got it? Pineapple,chili,salsa.
Good job.
What do you think? Blech.
Blech,okay.
Hello.
Hey,oh,wait! Wha-hello? Where you going? Hey! Hey! Stop that dog! Oh.
Oh.
Come on,girl.
Great looking.
Way too much time on the beach.
Malibu Colony.
Must be an out of work actor.
I trained her myself.
Nice job.
She's smart,she's got the breeding.
All I had to do was be consistent.
Amazing.
Planning a party? No.
A date.
You know,when a man and woman make a plan to see each other? On purpose.
I've heard of it.
Hmm.
You've got a boo boo.
It doesn't hurt.
You need a Band-Aid.
Mommy,can we give him a Band-Aid? I don't know.
Is it a leg worth saving? Do you like Curious George? Yeah.
I can't tell whether you're avoiding me or stalking me.
Neither.
Yeah,right.
Thank you.
Mm-hmm.
I gotta go.
Taffy.
Hey,it's not like I can't get a man over for dinner.
The house is empty.
How long we have waited.
Oh,we have to talk.
Uh What happened the other night was a big mistake.
I didn't even know it was you at first.
Which is no excuse for anything.
We don't need an excuse.
Rules are not for us.
Yeah,they are.
No.
You are an important man.
You're a creative genius.
You're a self-made man.
And you are too big for rules.
And I am too naughty.
Your wife,she doesn't appreciate you.
You let me.
N - ah,you have to leave.
What? I - I'm sorry,you can't work here anymore.
What? I'll give you some money to tide you over until your next job,but Two,three thousand? You'll pay me like a prostitute.
What? Why you use me one night,and now you toss me away? No,no,I It took me four months to find this job.
50,000 will tide me over.
F - f That's ridiculous.
Well,perhaps your wife,she will be more sympathetic to this girl you have seduced and now you've fired.
Seduced? I found you naked in my grotto! Fine.
We see how your wife feels.
You just be out before Cricket gets home.
You have a week to get me the money.
I know.
Don't worry,they'll be gone in a few days.
Hey,Molly.
Put the chairs inside.
No,I can't bring them in the house.
There's too much bad karma.
Meet me at the Brentwood house.
I'm going for it.
Lou made it perfectly clear.
Well,not perfectly clear,but clear enough, that he likes me.
And with a little finesse, like can turn into really like.
Okay,it's just a quick in and out.
We're just gonna grab the date clothes and go.
Isn't Kenny at work? You wanna spy? I'm here to support you.
Mm.
It still takes my breath away.
Ugh,he's over-watering the azaleas.
Remember when we found this vase? Oh.
I remember everything.
Mrs.
Kagan! Oh! Oh,it's so lovely to see you.
Hi,Peggy-ooh.
Oh ho ho.
Oh! Ooh! Oh! Hi.
Would you be needing a housekeeper? I can't even - I can't even buy a house until I know what the settlement is.
Well,Mrs.
London got the staff in her settlement.
M- Mrs.
London,uh,she- she was screwing her lawyer.
Well? My-my lawyer's a woman.
Oh.
That's not snooping,that's looting.
They're yours,and Kenny won't even notice.
Look what I found.
Viagra.
Oh.
That must go with this.
Oh.
Hmm.
Please.
Which one do you think gets to wear it? Aah ah ah ah ah! Whoa! Mm.
It's not his color.
No.
Should I put these back? Silly question.
Hey,slip a few of these into Lou's lasagna, wear this,and you got yourself a night.
I don't even know that I wanna have sex yet.
Molly.
This isn't about what you want,it's about what you need.
Kenny and I had good sex- decent sex- sex.
Until the very end, but I can't even remember the last time I had an earth-shatteringly great kiss.
$50,000 to a nanny? What choice do I have? Well,you can go to the police.
Maybe she's part of some whole Russian mafia blackmailing ring,huh? Think of the publicity.
Publicity? It would kill Cricket.
I've never cheated before.
Except for on location.
Except for never! Some people are faithful their whole lives,you know? I've never cheated on Shoshanna.
Don't have the energy, if you catch my drift.
When was the last time you were with a girl in her twenties? Last week.
Right.
I tell you Kenny, I would happily give up this 50 grand in a minute,in a heartbeat, if I knew that the problem would go away.
But what if this is just the first step? You gotta get something on her.
Like,like,a tape of her accepting the money? Wha - You're not a victim in this.
You did nothing wrong.
Just leave it all to me.
Mm.
I don't know what this is about,Lou, but I'm ready.
Gonna shake things up a little.
Stop feeling sorry for myself.
I'm gonna floss.
Kiss me.
Molly Don't ruin it.