The Starter Wife (2008) s01e03 Episode Script

Hour Three

Previously on The Starter wife the Spielberg brunch? Yup.
Dry toast and water.
But, you know, really great designer water.
Molly, the Murdochs want us over for drinks Oops Can it wait? I want a divorce.
I'm a starter wife.
I tried to re-up for a Mommy and Me class and he said it was booked.
Okay, bye now.
Bye.
Step back everyone.
She's just a little cranky.
Of course, I'm cranky.
I haven't eaten in 12 years! Why don't you take my house in the summer when Pappy and I are in France? You knew and you didn't tell me? Things are a little delicate right now.
I don't want Kenny to think that we've chosen Molly over him.
You can do better.
I'll be in touch.
Bambi hated that I was different.
Bambi? My sister.
She-she microwaved my hamster.
You told me that there was no other woman.
Is that because Shoshanna hasn't gone through puberty yet?! Paying this invoice for 12 chairs has pretty much wiped out the rest of your checking account.
Oh, God.
I'm kayaking! Thank you for saving my life.
Let's see if it's a life worth saving.
I'm sorry, you can't work here anymore.
What? I'll give you some money to tide you over.
50,000 will tide me over.
That's Hollywood.
And you got out.
Hi Lou, it's Molly.
Just confirming Friday night 7:00.
Kiss me.
I don't know anything about this man.
I don't care.
Yes, I do.
If I Google the name Sam, will it tell me if he's married? You okay? Yeah.
Mr.
Lewis again? Oh, no, Sam? What's-what's the deal on Sam? He's a good guy.
A loner, obviously.
Does he have a job? Not since I've been here.
Very cute, though.
Considering.
Considering Detectives Parks and Smith.
It's on the left.
What's that about? Oh, Mr.
Manahan's housekeeper found the house open this morning and panicked.
I couldn't find Mr.
Manahan, so I called the police.
We were supposed to have dinner last night.
He didn't show.
You should go tell 'em.
Broken scotch bottle, overturned chair.
No sign of forced entry.
This lady say he didn't show up for dinner last night.
There's a stain on the deck.
It might be blood.
Did you call Mr.
Manahan? No.
I just assumed he wasn't coming.
Had you argued? No.
It was just a-he- it was our first, you know- our first date.
We've known each other forever.
He's my husband's boss.
Well, soon-to-be ex.
Was the date confirmed? Yes, Sunday night.
Well, we didn't exactly speak.
I left him a message.
So Mr.
Manahan never actually agreed to come? Not exactly.
No.
Well, I'll tell you what.
We're gonna take a sample from the deck, and we'll follow up if he hasn't come home by Monday.
All right? All right.
You expect us to believe that a dame like you is used to snapping her fingers, and the guys come running? She didn't say that.
I wasn't positive he was coming.
Did you cook? Easy, Joe.
Did you cook?! Yes, yes, I cooked! Six courses over three days.
I drove to Santa Barbara for-for figs.
Pathetic.
It's true.
I try and try, expecting something in return, and there never is.
I was a slave to my husband, and he left me.
I cooked for days, and Lou doesn't bother to show.
I have to chase a man down the beach for a kiss.
A great kiss, by the way.
I go 90% of the way expecting someone to care enough to go the final 10%.
Is that too much to ask?! With those bags under your eyes? Hello? Joan! Finally.
Are you having the greatest time in France? Why are you whispering? I don't have time to explain.
I'm in Ojai.
Ojai? What happened to France? I don't have time for questions.
You're not in France? Expect a call.
You're not strolling down the Champs Elysée? Someone will be listening in.
Were you kidnapped on your way to France? No, worse than that.
I'm in rehab.
rehab? Don't make me repeat myself.
I'm standing in a closet, and if they find me in here with a phone, they'll take away my dessert.
Wait, you went for help, and you didn't tell me? I'm fine.
You know I'm fine.
Pappy made me.
I didn't tell you 'cause I didn't want you to think I had a problem- which I don't.
Except for a husband who thinks I do.
This doctor's insane! And I got myself into a pickle.
But I've missed you.
How are you? Oh, I'm okay, things are nuts.
There's this guy- Lou was supposed to come to dinner, but now he might be missing.
Don't tell me, I don't have time.
I need you to pretend to be Bambi, my sister.
You don't have a sister.
Just play along.
My turn to sweep out the crafts room.
Excuse me.
Rehab? Can't pay.
Can't pay.
Can't pay, Can't pay,can't pay, can't pay.
Can't pay.
Guess I don't need two piles.
Hi.
Wow.
I, uh-I brought food.
Oh, God, what's next, shampoo and toothpaste? The bad news is that you can't afford me anymore.
But the good news is now we can date.
Oh, you surprised? Yeah, I usually fly below people's gaydar.
This is so nice.
but But you can't even think about having a relationship right now.
?Enough said.
You still have to eat.
And breakfast is the most important meal of the day.
Lou never misses the Monday meeting.
We've got a movie coming out this month.
He'd have to be dead, bloody, or in a ditch.
We'd like to rule out that possibility.
He's been missing for 48 hours.
Did Mr.
Manahan have any enemies? You don't get to where he is without making some enemies.
He's top of the heap.
Everybody wants to be there.
And you're next in line.
Not as simple as all that.
There's a whole process.
There are other candidates.
You have to go through the board.
That said, it's a formality more than anything.
After all, I am the president of the studio.
It's the job I was born for.
Were you aware that your wife asked Mr.
Manahan to dinner on Friday? Uh, Molly and Lou? Yes? Bambi, it's Joan, your big sister.
Hi.
It's so good to hear your voice.
How long has it been? Fourteen years- since Mom died in the fire.
Tragedy- I still have nightmares.
Which we both know you started.
Don't try and deny it.
I'm not.
I wasn't sure you remembered.
I remember everything with the help of my wonderful doctor, who is sitting here right now making sure that I don't let you manipulate me, or deny any of the horrors you put me through, which led me to drink, and now that I'm facing, will help me to stop.
Okay.
Thanks for calling.
We need to have a confrontation so that I can get to a place where I can go home.
You have to come here.
It's the only way.
Come there? But- I told my doctor that you might be hard to find after all these years.
But he's helped me to see that you are the key to my freedom from drinking.
You are the key to my freedom.
Okay.
Well, you found me.
Be sure you call again with all the information.
Don't leave anything out.
I'll get you the information.
You owe me, Bambi.
Good-bye.
Ow! You can just feel the evil.
Oh! Durango Pictures chief Lou Manahan is officially missing.
If you have any information as to his whereabouts, please contact the number on your screen.
This afternoon, Durango's president of production, Kenny Kagan, made this statement.
We at Durango are naturally very concerned about Lou Manahan's disappearance.
Our prayers are with him, and we fervently hope he will return safely to us before the opening of Double Vortex on August 30th.
Thank you.
Hi.
Haven't seen you for a few days.
You told me not to ruin it.
True.
If I never saw you again, this might qualify as my most successful relationship ever.
You look like one of those sleek, pampered women.
But you have a spark.
And it's dangerous.
Dangerous? Well, not dangerous.
Yeah, I know it is.
But something's about to ignite.
And I want to be there when it does.
So do I.
Wow so far you're not ruining it.
You know my deal by now.
I don't think that kind of thing defines who a person is.
So far, you're not ruining it.
Careful I might ignite.
Do you want to go out sometime? My treat.
I'm not completely insolvent.
So you don't think I'm easy um Starbucks? Starbucks.
On Thursday at 2:00? I'll have to check my schedule.
Oh, wait, I don't have one.
I'm free.
You've gone from Lou to the homeless guy? Homeless? You mean, like, sleeping on a friend's couch? No, like, on a box under a bush.
You didn't know? And relax your back.
Good, and rise.
One vertebra at a time.
Excellent.
Okay, girls, now let's find a partner for our half-moon pose.
Cricket! Hey, too bad you're not at the Colony this summer.
Your old pal Molly's providing some good entertainment.
How is she? Eh-desperate.
First she's tacky enough to throw herself at her husband's boss.
Then she sets her sights on the local beach bum.
Ooh, quite the equal-opportunity slut.
She's worth 20 of you.
You can forget the Fergie lunch.
Worth it.
Where are they? They? Oh, you mean your Nana and the dog that don't live with you.
I don't know, and I don't care.
And you ain't gettin' your stuff till you pay for the new carpets, you hear? go head go head it's OK About time.
Tater and I are starvin'! Shh.
we can go sleep tonight We're adults, Sam.
We can't follow through on every impulse, no matter how much we want to.
I thought you were an out-of-work actor.
But I hear you're something a little more dangerous? Dangerous dangerous.
A loner.
The local who keeps out the riffraff.
Maybe with a word or a stare- or a stare- or a stare.
Or a dirty fight inside an empty warehouse.
That's so much hotter than an actor.
It's not about you or about your circumstances.
It's too soon for me.
I'm too raw to get into another relationship now.
You need to let me walk away-away however painful frustrating excruciating it is.
Coffee, please-small.
Is that it? No-okay Uh iced.
Same.
So that's $4.
08.
Five, six, seven, eight.
Thanks.
How long have you been homeless? I'm not good at small talk either.
Three years.
You're-I just- I don't get it.
I'll tell you anything you want to know, Molly.
Okay.
Do you have any kind of mental illness? No.
Yes, you do.
No, I don't.
Yes, you do.
No, I don't! It's a little homeless humor.
Please don't make me play 20 questions, Sam.
I like the way you say my name.
I killed a man.
It was an accident.
I spent five years in jail in New York.
Whatever life I had before I knew was over, and I couldn't rebuild it.
Go on.
I floated around, I traveled.
Europe and Asia.
I mostly concentrated on staying drunk and blowing my savings.
Then when I came to, I made my way out here.
And I subsist.
I don't want to make a dent in the world, you know.
I've already done that.
I don't want to do it again.
Those are the highlights.
Mm, I'm- I'm pretty confused.
You took me by surprise, Molly.
I haven't felt anything that would- well, anything in a long while.
But I'm not gonna change.
I'm not gonna get a job or an apartment.
I'm not gonna take you out for nice dinners.
This is my life.
I don't think about the future.
But right now I can offer you friendship and comfort.
And if it makes any kind of sense in your life I would love to make love to you.
Can I think about it? You know where to find me.
Actually, I don't.
How do you survive? I do odd jobs for Mrs.
Caldecott.
She lives at 153- Taffy's owner.
um She lets me shower at her place.
She's a saint.
Home sweet home.
What did you do before? Investment banker.
Pretty ironic, huh? It's a little drafty, but you can't beat the rent.
Well, I like what you've done with it.
Uh, was this always here? I wanted to keep the original integrity of the place.
Oh, you have.
This is the bedroom.
And the, uh, library.
Oh I love Philip Roth.
Especially the Zuckerman books.
The Zuckerman books.
Do you want to borrow The Anatomy Lesson? I- it's okay.
Thanks.
Well, thank you for- for coffee.
I'm gonna show myself out.
Okay? I was lying.
I have a perfectly good job in middle management.
Ahh I don't want to pretend to be Joan's fake sister.
I'm a terrible actress.
This is sexy.
It's supposed to be a spider.
Why couldn't she make it a butterfly? How are you dealing with the missing earlobe? Well, Bambi had it- I had it- Let's get into character.
I had it surgically corrected in prison.
That was really good.
Liar.
It was okay.
Joan doesn't need rehab, she needs a publisher.
Why did Pappy do this? I know he's kind of rigid, but she doesn't drink more than we do, does she? Pappy's a Puritan.
Now, storm in there, call Joan a lying biatch, and go get our friend.
Fuzzy? I like fuzzy.
Yeah? Yeah.
We'll take fuzzy.
that? now? Yes, this is the last time that we stay in a motel that's got a vacancy-ugh.
It's a bad sign.
This is a bad sign.
Thank you.
Don't crash it! Bambi.
You betcha, Doc.
Where's the lying bitch? Let's get this party started.
Bambi! Spider tattoo and all, Sis.
Wanna see the one on my ass? Uh, no, thank you.
Matches Joan's.
We got it in Tijuana! You tell him that story? Bet not.
Please, take a seat.
Miss me? Like a whore misses the clap.
I have to say I was mighty surprised to hear from you.
I know.
It wasn't a good surprise, Sis.
I know.
Because if you gave a crap about me, I would know where you were before you got yourself into a jam.
Kinda pisses me off.
Oh, you're pissed off? I'm the one drinking Crystal Light with dinner! Joan, remember, honesty without anger.
What if we're honestly angry, Doctor? I- I don't blame you for being honestly angry.
and But I'm desperate, Bambi.
I'm here, ain't I? You don't give me any credit, Sis.
I have a heart.
Right, somewhere underneath those gel pads and Wonderbra.
Proceed, Peter.
Joan has prepared a statement of the things that she needs to say to you.
Whoop-de-doo.
And you will get a chance to respond after.
Move your ass.
You're goosin' me! Heh-hey hey hey hey now! Oh, we've been journaling- fun.
"I have thought about this for a long time.
"What do I feel under all the pain you have caused me?" Gas? Betrayal, of course.
Oh, so close.
"For years, my self-esteem- Blah blah blah! This is not going to work.
Your sister will not engage with you.
You want me to marry my own sister?! What kind of place is this here?! You see what I mean, Doctor? She perverts everything! This is why I drink.
I'm getting in touch with my feelings.
Okay, keep going.
But don't tell me, tell her.
Okay.
Why, Bambi, why? Why must you destroy everything you touch? Why did you- why did you kill my little pet? My little Skippy? I hated that dog.
Cat bunny hamster.
Which is why I poisoned ran over suffocated- Oh, yes you did.
And that's why our house caught on fire.
I am so tired of taking the rap.
Don't you remember the blender sparking when you made Ma her morning daiquiri? It always sparked.
Yeah, but who put Grammy Pickle's oxygen tank right next to it? Me? I- I left Grammy Pickle's oxygen tank next to Ma's daiquiris? That's it, Joan.
Come on, now, let it all out.
This is what we've been waiting for.
You're on your way.
I can't go on, I'm so sorry.
Molly, "Grammy Pickle"? Molly? Where did you get that from, Molly? Grammy Pickle! I told you never to call me that.
My name is Bambi! Bambi! Grammy Pickle called me Molly.
But she was, like, cuckoo! Of, God, I'm gonna pee my pants.
Oh, my God.
Nobody makes a mockery of my Clarity Harbor.
Oh, try saying that three times fast.
You are no longer welcome here, Mrs.
McAllister.
Please leave.
Come on, Baby.
Hold on,Molly.
I don't have anyplace to put them.
"Public nuisance.
" They don't have a citation for ugly chairs.
You got an hour to get rid of them.
You'd think I'd brought in the Crips.
Way to go, Bambi.
I'll be there with bells on.
So there I am, standing in front of this sad little campsite.
I can't even call it a campsite.
That makes it sound recreational.
It's more like a little place he lives in- at-on.
All I could think of is going to bed with him.
Hmm your bed.
Or, more precisely, my bed, since his bed has a zipper.
Oh, I know, the issues are huge.
Like he's homeless? Or do you mean he's a night owl, and you're a morning person? Listen to yourself.
Yes, it's crazy.
But when I'm with him, it doesn't seem so crazy.
You're thinking with your winky.
Get laid by a guy with clean underwear.
Everything will become clear.
Joan, I really like him.
Forget it- I'm back.
He's out of the picture.
A party.
With rented chairs.
Tell me they're rented.
They're rented, they're rented.
Ms.
McAllister, I thought you were in France.
Oh, God, this is a bad idea! No, it isn't, she won't mind! Which one of you is Joan? Which one of you swapped spit with a hobo? Wait, I can guess.
I'm Joan.
And this is my skanky sister Bambi.
But you can call her Molly.
I'm Vera, Lavender's grandmother.
I want to thank you so much for inviting us to stay with you.
She didn't, Molly did.
She didn't really mean it.
We got evicted, and Molly offered to let us stay here, just until we could find another place.
I did.
Their landlord is a jerk.
She has $50,000 in student loans, and I thought you wouldn't mind.
What with being in France and all.
Mi casa, su casa.
Two more refugees.
Malibu Colony- the Ellis Island of the West.
Drinks, yes.
yes yes Rodney, drinks.
hi Joan Oh, hello, sweetheart.
Is this a new dolly? Oh-holy mother, what's that? That's Tater.
She's rented too.
Drink up.
Only one missing is Cricket.
Sasha better be on time.
Cricket's gonna be home from the PTA in less than two hours, all right? Sasha will be on time.
Money talks, nobody walks.
Can you hear me now? That would be a no.
Gonna have to fly solo.
Guerilla filmmaking.
What happens if you have to tell me something? I'll email you.
Got your Blackberry? Email-uh, yeah.
Okay, so start on her face, go wide, and be sure and get the money.
Kenny, listen to me, there's only one take here.
I'm gonna want a combination- You only have one take! I'm gonna want a combination of frightened, anxious, and guilty from you, all right? I am frightened, anxious, and guilty.
It's not playing.
You need to reveal a little bit more between of what's going on inside without going too broad, okay? I want you to let the audience in, but leave 'em wanting more.
Kenny, I've directed 16 films.
Of course I know what you mean! That's is.
That's exactly the energy I'm looking for.
Now save it, huh? Save it for the scene.
Perfect, right? Yeah, great chair.
action.
Come in, please.
Take a seat.
Please right here.
Oh, hello, cheese.
Ah, well-oh.
Let's get this over with.
Yes, I have to find apartment, thanks to you.
Hey, hey-oh, oh my- Oh-oh my- There's the money shot.
50,000, like you demanded.
Oh, wait, no- all right, hold on.
Genius.
There's a word for this.
It's what you spend on watch.
Don't worry about it.
It's-it's delayed.
Please let me.
Nope, don't, don't-don't Get in the chair.
Uh, envelope-here.
There you go.
Not done counting.
God, is he bad! Here I was expecting you to trust me.
Slide it.
All right, get a frame.
There it is-oh.
Oh-oh, my- God, talk about hitting your mark.
Improv do something.
Three one-hundred, four one-hundred.
I am going to need letter of recommendation.
Nice profile.
You've got to be joking! Or else I am going to need lot more money.
What should I write? Russian nanny will screw for $50,000! There's the name of my next movie.
Here, sit, please.
Let's just-okay.
Look this way for me.
Maybe there is a part for you there after all.
Pick it up, pick it up, pick it up! I would give so much for that to happen.
Oh, I'd better get that.
That's probably important.
When we were making love in your grotto, your Blackberry was not so very important.
Aah! Uh, this is, um awkward.
It's actually an impromptu screen test.
Oh, hello, Mrs.
Stewart.
Well, I was- I was just picking up my severance pay.
Looks like Jorge miscalculated.
No, actually, it's all here.
Deportation, jail, or we just never see or hear from you again? Uh Get the hell out of my home! Sorry.
You need to get out too.
Not enough ice in her water, but she's really happy with the pillows.
Here's to honesty without anger.
Grammy Pickles.
To Wonderbra.
Can I come back? I- I know you must hate me, but I've missed you so much.
Please forgive me.
Of course.
I forgive you.
I'm never gonna forgive myself for not being there for you after what you- I forgive you.
Coming back east with me when my dad died.
Filling out all those forms again for me when the Russian adoption agency lost them, and I wanted to give up.
I forgive you.
Making me laugh at every function we've been to together for the last ten years.
Would you take yes for an answer? I forgive you.
How else am I gonna tell you about the stupid things I've done.
You can't have stupid.
I have stupid.
No, I have stupid.
She does-she has stupid.
You have to take something else.
Brokenhearted.
How about brokenhearted? I can play this any way you need me to.
You want me to call him a cheating bastard, and help you burn his clothes, I'm there.
You want to hear what a great husband and father he's been for 16 years, I can do that too.
I don't know.
What do you think? You're asking me? Because of my proven genius in relationships? You really like this man, even though he's- he doesn't have a place to live? You're the nicest person I know.
No, no.
Yeah I think I do like him.
A lot.
Don't tell Joan.
Don't serve Nana in bed.
Not unless you want her here forever.
Molly this means more to me than you'll ever know.
I'm not lonely anymore.
Me neither.
we? any? Hey, Molly, can you come here? They need to ask you more questions.
Yeah, we heard you had a rather intimate lunch at Zen-Oh with Mr.
Manahan.
You did? I'm sorry.
Oh- No, it was a sham.
Lou was pretending to fall all over me because everyone was snubbing me.
I couldn't even get a table.
Oh, no.
It's okay.
But then we were playing this stupid junior high school game to make everyone think that I was desirable and popular, when I'm not.
Which we three have already established, right? I'm sure Lou finds you attractive.
Really? But then he would have come over for dinner.
I mean, he knew what that invitation meant.
We're all grown-ups.
You invited him to dinner? Oh, you missed a lot.
I'm sorry.
Did he seem despondent at all? Between pitying me and ordering off the menu? We haven't traced it yet, but it seems he moved some money around recently, and, uh, put his affairs in order.
So you think he ran away? He made a new will.
Suicide? That wasn't his.
And it matched the blood on a child's Band Aid we found there.
Curious George? Yeah, Curious George.
Was your child over there? No.
Then how did you know it was Curious George? Mrs.
Kagan, a man's been missing for a week.
If you have any information, you really need to tell us.
I bandaged the cut of a homeless man.
His name is Sam.
He does odd jobs for Mrs.
Caldecott.
How well do you know this Sam? Not at all, apparently.