The Suite Life of Zack & Cody s01e06 Episode Script
The Prince & The Plunger
London, I need a moment of your time.
Mm, make it quick.
I'm taking ivana to the gym for a workout.
We wouldn't want ivana getting love handles, now, would we? You see them, too?! [Gasps.]
L-listen.
Your father called to say he will be able to attend the father/daughter dance at your school this Saturday.
Isn't that wonderful? But I was supposed to go to Lizzie ashcroft's house this weekend.
JUST TELL Lizzie YOU'RE BUSY! Oh! Uh, uh, uh You know, I think you should be more excited that your father is coming to town.
Tell you what.
You can be excited for the both of us! Well, I am.
In fact, I've had all of my ties pressed.
And I got a new suit, and my shoelace is missing a tip.
It's missing a tip! Oh, why do you always give me a wedgie on the bus?! Because we can't afford a cab.
Hey, arwin.
Hey, guys.
Remember those remote control cars you had that broke? Yeah.
Uh-huh.
Well, I used some old pipes from the air conditioning and turned them into RUMBLEBOTS! EXCELLENT! Arwin, you rock! Yeah, I know.
I rock.
Aah! Oh! Ooh! Whoa! Oh! Oh! Oh! My toe! Excuse me! Oh! I was never here.
Neither were we.
Neither were we.
Here I am in your life here you are in mine yes, we have a suite life most of the time you and me got the world to see so come on down just me and you know what to do so come on down it's you and me and me and you we got the whole place to ourselves you and me, we got it all for free so come on down this is the suite life we've got a suite life [Punches thrown on video game.]
Take that! Oh, yeah? Take this! What's going on in here?! Nothin'.
Nothin'.
Aha.
Guys, I told you no more teen-rated games.
And you still haven't made your beds?! What am I, your maid? No.
She is.
Muriel, I do not want you cleaning the boys' room today.
That makes 2 of us.
I want the boys to do it.
When they're done here, send them to 318.
It's a pig sty.
[Doorbell rings.]
[Shouting.]
Isn't anyone gonna get that? HAVE YOU EVER ACTUALLY SEEN HER CLEAN ANYTHING? Yeah.
The food out of our fridge.
Well, well.
Looks like maddie finally came around.
It's--it's for mom.
Hey, mom, get out here.
Someone sent you a forest! What are you talking abo-- oh, my! Those are lovely.
Ehh, he should've sent you chocolates.
Why? 'Cause you're out.
There's a poem.
"The midnight sky churns to morning blue, "I thank the heavens I work near you.
Love, your secret admirer.
" I never had a secret admirer before.
Oh, these need more water.
Did you see how those flowers made mom smile? Yeah, it's great.
If she has a boyfriend, she'll be so busy being all girlie with him, she'll leave us alone! And she'll be happy.
And we'll be able to play that video game.
And she'll be happy.
And we won't have to make our beds! And she'll be happy! You're so selfish! Can't you think of anything except mom's happiness?! So, mom I think you should find out who the secret admirer is.
You do? Yeah.
Let's face it, mom, you're not getting any younger, and if someone finds you attractive, you should jump at it.
So you guys would really be ok if I started dating? Yeah.
It's like I told Cody-- if it makes you happy, it makes us happy.
Well, if the secret admirer reveals himself, I'll consider him.
That is if he's not a stalker or an ex-felon.
Don't knock it till you tried it, honey.
Ah! Everything is in place for your father's visit? Yeah.
Everything except my father.
Oh, not to worry.
He will be here.
Now, what are you going to wear to your father/daughter dance? Something elegant and classic? I'm thinking tube top and hot pants.
Do we feel that's appropriate for a school dance? We feel it's appropriate for a beach house, which is where I'll be when daddy can't make it.
I;M sure he'll be here.
This is a father/daughter event AND HE'S THE FATHER PART.
And here's the daughter part, off to buy a bathing suit.
Toodles.
Maddie, we need to talk to you.
Does it have to do with who sent your mom the flowers and poem? Man, news travels fast around here! Nothing happens at this hotel that I don't know.
But who could it be? I don't know.
Then who? Hello! Hunk at 12 o'clock! I bet it's the new guy-- serge the concierge.
He's single, your mom's age, and he's working on a romantic novel.
He's writing a book? He's reading one.
All: WE KNOW WHO YOUR SECRET ADMIRER IS! Whoa, whoa, whoa! One at a time.
Your secret admirer.
We know who it is.
Aw, guys, I appreciate your trying to find him, but I've got too much going on to date right now.
I mean, I've got my career, you kids I've started an Afghan It's serge.
Oh.
Well, then how many Afghans does a girl really need? I can't just go over there.
Come on, Carey, live a little.
Ok, maybe you're right.
I will.
Somebody give me a push.
Hi.
I was in the neighborhood.
Hello.
I'm Carey Martin.
I know.
I've seen you sing.
You're really quite wonderful.
Thank you.
And I'm a big fan of your conciergeIng.
Listen, this may sound silly, but I received some flowers and a lovely poem, and I was just wondering, did you send them? How did you know? A girl can tell.
Looks like mom's back in the dating game! And we're back in the video game.
[Sighs.]
It just goes to show you You're never too old to find love.
I don't know, honey.
When I go online, I'm a 24-year-old named Britney! [Doorbell rings.]
Mom, your not-so-secret admirer is here.
Carey: I'll BE RIGHT OUT.
Why don't you boys get acquainted? Oh, great.
I love kids.
So, when do you guys jump in your jammies and run off to sleepy-bye, huh? When we were 5.
Now we wait until it gets darky-poo.
Right.
I'm not getting a very good vibe from this guy.
We don't know much about him.
Don't worry, I'm all over it.
So Ever been in prison? No.
Wear a toupee? No.
Got kids? No.
Ever been married? Pets? No.
No! Jeez, fella, what's wrong with you?! Right now, you.
Hi, guys.
You look terrific.
Thank you.
Mm.
How's it goin'? Great.
Great.
Cute kids.
Oh, guys, maddie can't sit tonight, so I asked Muriel.
She should be here soon.
Maybe we should wait.
No.
No.
No! No! I'll--I'll get the door.
Alrighty, then.
LOVE YOU.
Boys: LOVE YOU.
Cody: GOOD NIGHT.
What a jerk.
Yeah.
But more importantly, until Muriel gets here, we can have Teen-rated fun! Great.
I'll grab my blanket.
[Alarm buzzer.]
Aw, man, mom blocked the game! I know! Arwin can unblock it.
He can unblock anything.
Remember that toilet last week? Eww! Eww! Let's go.
[Knock on door.]
Hey, arwin.
Hey, guys.
Whoa! This place is so cool! Thanks.
Thanks.
Sorry about the, umAhem-- the mess.
I haven't, uh-- I haven't had visitors down here in Well, ever.
Um Hungry? [Beep.]
I've got this hooked up to the kitchen.
Awesome! Yeah.
They send me down whatever's left over.
Last week I got a ham! I think it was a ham.
Hey, arwin, we were hoping you could fix this for us.
Our mom blocked it.
Yeah.
She won't let us have any fun.
Oh, I don't buy that.
Your mom's terrific.
Besides being a great singer, she's pretty and smart and really, really nice and Did I mention pretty? [Chime.]
She really lights up a room, doesn't she? Hey, arwin, you like poetry? Ahem.
Yeah.
It, uh-- it relaxes me while I spackle.
[Telephone rings.]
Excuse me.
you're on with arwin.
Yes, sir.
Yes, sir.
G-gotcha.
Gotcha.
Gotcha.
Uh, I gotta go.
Moseby needs me.
The South elevator's making that UUUHHHHHHH-AIEEEEEEE TCH-CHUNK SOUND AGAIN.
I'll get your game back to you later.
Ok! I'm just gonna take this with me.
Cody, do you see what's going on here? Arwin reads poetry, he thinks mom is pretty.
He has a picture of mom that lights up when he claps.
Which means mom's on the date with the wrong guy, and it's all our fault.
We gotta do something before mom gets the urge for serge.
Carey: AREN'T YOU GUYS SUPPOSED TO BE IN BED? Mom, there's a problem.
We need to talk.
Where's Muriel? Oh, she's fine.
We fed her, let her watch tv, and she went to sleep right on time.
Muriel.
[Snorts.]
Oh, the girls were just perfect darlings.
That'll be 30 bucks.
Thanks.
Good night, Jodie.
Good night, pat.
Well, she was close.
So what's the problem? Serge is not your secret admirer.
It's arwin.
The guy in the overalls?! Yeah! Yeah! Oh, no.
I think you're mistaken.
Serge told me he wrote the poem.
[Doorbell rings.]
Hey, guys.
I unlocked your game.
I also removed all the killing and fighting, so it basically stinks now.
The-- [nervous laugh.]
Have fun.
Hey, arwin, tell mom about the poem and flowers you sent her.
Tell her it wasn't serge.
[Stammering.]
Kids! Heh heh.
Their imagination.
Heh heh.
I gotta go.
Well, that was embarrassing.
Guys, I know what's going on.
What's going on here is that serge lied about being your secret admirer.
No, this is about your fear of losing your mother to someone else Which is common for children of divorce between 9 and 15.
Mom, have you been reading those parenting books again? Guys, you did a good thing helping me get back into dating, and we'll all be ok with it after we have an open and Frank discussion.
Ok, we think-- I'm going out with serge tomorrow night.
End of open and Frank discussion.
Arwin! Aah! We need to talk.
I can't.
Moseby's got me running around like crazy getting ready for tipton's arrival.
I don't have time to talk about me being your mom's secret admirer.
Oops! SO IT WAS YOU.
That was easier than I thought.
But why'd you say you weren't in front of our mom? Well, because A woman like your mom would never go out with-- [scoffs.]
A guy like me.
I mean, look at me.
I hold up my socks with duct tape.
Besides, she's going out with that serge guy now, and she really seems to like him.
That's 'cause she thinks he wrote your poem.
Good point.
You just have to have a little confidence in yourself.
Yeah.
All you really need to do is wash up, get some new clothes, do some flossing, and maybe something about that smell.
I could floss.
We're gonna need some help.
Now, arwin, this is a practice date.
Pretend Muriel is Carey.
All right, thrill me, plunger boy.
Now say something charming.
You've got beautiful earlobes.
That was wrong, wasn't it? Yes.
[Muriel snoring.]
And your date has nodded off.
Carey? Wake up.
[Snoring.]
Is the date over? No.
You fell asleep.
Well, can you blame me? This guy could put coffee to sleep! Isn't this exciting? I see you wore your dress.
I need something to wear over my bathing suit.
[Helicopter approaching.]
It's him In the tipton helicopter! See, you were wrong! Told you! TOLD YOU! TOLD YOU! YOU'RE RIGHT! HE IS HERE! He came for the father/daughter dance.
Oh, I hope he likes my dress.
I hope he likes my lobby.
Play.
Play.
[PLAYING HAIL TO THE CHIEF.]
That's not daddy! Miss tipton, your father sends his apologies.
Something came up in Argentina and he has to remain there for the rest of the week.
Ok.
So what'd he get me? Diamond necklace.
Cool.
He didn't show.
I was so looking forward to show-- [voice cracking.]
He promised! I GOT A BAND! And it's a very pretty band, too.
I mean, we can't get upset every time he can't make it when he promises to.
I know, but I'm upset.
Come on.
Come on.
Give us a smile.
No.
Come on, just a little smile.
Ehh! No, I've always had a love of poetry.
So who's you favorite poet? Oh, there are so many of them.
I'm gonna have to say Dr.
Seuss.
Cat, hat That man was a genius.
Ok, it's time for operation "get serge out of here and replace him with arwin.
" That's me.
Sorry.
Ok, here's what we do.
Serge's job is to help the guests.
I'll call him and pretend to be an upset guest.
Here.
Use my cell phone.
He's speed dial number 9.
[Cell phone rings.]
[Beep.]
Serge the concierge.
[Middle eastern accent.]
Dis is prince bapa-lapa shamalama ding dong.
My wife needs 10 gallons of goat milk for her bath.
I must have it immediately, or your government and Mr.
moseby will hear about it! I have to take care of a guest problem.
I'm sorry.
I'll be right back.
That's ok.
I understand.
I'll keep him busy.
Ok, arwin, this is it.
I want you to go out there and show my mom just how charming and cool the new you is.
Got it! Charming, cool.
Arwin! Yeah? Booger.
[Clears throat.]
Carey.
Arwin, is that you? You look great! Thanks.
[Nervous chuckle.]
No duct tape.
Um, so, um Don't tell me you are eating here alone.
Uh, no.
My date should be right back.
Ok.
Sit down! Oh! Come here! Oh! Tell her a story.
Oh! Oh! So Uh, I was, um Up in room 312 today Uh, leanin' over the toilet Uh, plunging-- in and out, in and out, in and out-- and water and who knows what else comes splashing everywhere You don't say.
Yeah.
And then Pop! Out comes a wad of hair the size of your head.
[Chuckles.]
[Cell phone rings.]
[Beep.]
Serge the concierge.
[Mid-east accent.]
I am princess bapa-lapa shamalama ding dong.
Where is my llama milk? Llama? Your husband said to get goat milk.
My husband prince bapa-lapa shamalama ding dong is a ding dong! [Phone hangs up.]
[Crying.]
[Gasps.]
Oh, moseby! I was just checking the clean linens.
Whoever does the laundry should be fired immediately.
This wouldn't have to do more with your father not showing up for the father/daughter dance, would it? [Voice cracking.]
Maybe.
I just thought he might actually show up this time.
Mm.
I know just how you feel.
In fact, if you're not doing anything, I would be honored to be your escort to the dance this evening.
Thank you.
YOU ARE GOING TO CHANGE, RIGHT? SoI'm trying to fit an 1/8-inch wing nut onto a 2-inch flange.
Call me crazy.
You're a daredevil! How's it going? This is a disaster! All he can talk about is plumbing! How come he didn't use the stuff I wrote down?! 'Cause it stunk! You know I can hear you over there.
[WHISPERING.]
I think our cover is blown.
Great, now you whisper! Arwin, my kids obviously think you're a great guy, so I figure they must've talked you into this whole scheme? And by the way, you look great.
Really.
Thanks.
Thanks.
Thanks.
But apparently Zack and Cody don't like the guy I'm with right now.
They seem to think he isn't exactly telling me the truth.
[Clears throat.]
Arwin? Uh I'm--I;M the one who hasn't been truthful.
You? About what? As the wind whips my soul, I shall not tarry.
To my utter despair, I bid adieu to Carey.
Oh, my--arwin! IT WAS YOU.
Arwin, I'm flattered that you like me enough to send flowers and write beautiful poetry andBathe, but-- but?! Not the but! You're a sweet guy, but I don't think this is gonna work out.
[All sigh.]
I should probably stick to admiring from afar.
It's much less painful yeah, but nothing ventured, nothing gained.
Which is what she usually says to get us to eat broccoli.
The point is, just 'cause it didn't work out with me doesn't mean it won't work out with someone else.
That's nice of you to say, but I don't think it'll ever happen for me.
Arwin Lookin' good.
Nice piece of broccoli.
Nothin' ventured Nothing gained.
Mm-hmm.
Heh heh heh heh.
Come on, guys, I know you don't like serge, but I need you to trust that if a guy's no good, I can figure it out all by myself.
But you didn't figure out that serge was a lying doofus! Now, now, let's not call people names, even if they are lying doofuses.
We just wanted you to be happy.
I am happy.
This was our first time dating, and no one was severely injured.
I call that a success.
And it was nice getting out there again.
Nothing ventured Nothing gained.
Exactly.
Broccoli? Carey, I'm so sorry.
I've been running all over town for some princess bapa-lapa shamalama ding dong, and it turns out there's no one at the hotel with that name.
There's no one in the world with that name.
Guys, give us a minute? Serge, you know, that poem you wrote me was so lovely I wrote a little something for you.
Violets are blue, roses are red, my boys were right-- go soak your head.
Yeah! Yeah!
Mm, make it quick.
I'm taking ivana to the gym for a workout.
We wouldn't want ivana getting love handles, now, would we? You see them, too?! [Gasps.]
L-listen.
Your father called to say he will be able to attend the father/daughter dance at your school this Saturday.
Isn't that wonderful? But I was supposed to go to Lizzie ashcroft's house this weekend.
JUST TELL Lizzie YOU'RE BUSY! Oh! Uh, uh, uh You know, I think you should be more excited that your father is coming to town.
Tell you what.
You can be excited for the both of us! Well, I am.
In fact, I've had all of my ties pressed.
And I got a new suit, and my shoelace is missing a tip.
It's missing a tip! Oh, why do you always give me a wedgie on the bus?! Because we can't afford a cab.
Hey, arwin.
Hey, guys.
Remember those remote control cars you had that broke? Yeah.
Uh-huh.
Well, I used some old pipes from the air conditioning and turned them into RUMBLEBOTS! EXCELLENT! Arwin, you rock! Yeah, I know.
I rock.
Aah! Oh! Ooh! Whoa! Oh! Oh! Oh! My toe! Excuse me! Oh! I was never here.
Neither were we.
Neither were we.
Here I am in your life here you are in mine yes, we have a suite life most of the time you and me got the world to see so come on down just me and you know what to do so come on down it's you and me and me and you we got the whole place to ourselves you and me, we got it all for free so come on down this is the suite life we've got a suite life [Punches thrown on video game.]
Take that! Oh, yeah? Take this! What's going on in here?! Nothin'.
Nothin'.
Aha.
Guys, I told you no more teen-rated games.
And you still haven't made your beds?! What am I, your maid? No.
She is.
Muriel, I do not want you cleaning the boys' room today.
That makes 2 of us.
I want the boys to do it.
When they're done here, send them to 318.
It's a pig sty.
[Doorbell rings.]
[Shouting.]
Isn't anyone gonna get that? HAVE YOU EVER ACTUALLY SEEN HER CLEAN ANYTHING? Yeah.
The food out of our fridge.
Well, well.
Looks like maddie finally came around.
It's--it's for mom.
Hey, mom, get out here.
Someone sent you a forest! What are you talking abo-- oh, my! Those are lovely.
Ehh, he should've sent you chocolates.
Why? 'Cause you're out.
There's a poem.
"The midnight sky churns to morning blue, "I thank the heavens I work near you.
Love, your secret admirer.
" I never had a secret admirer before.
Oh, these need more water.
Did you see how those flowers made mom smile? Yeah, it's great.
If she has a boyfriend, she'll be so busy being all girlie with him, she'll leave us alone! And she'll be happy.
And we'll be able to play that video game.
And she'll be happy.
And we won't have to make our beds! And she'll be happy! You're so selfish! Can't you think of anything except mom's happiness?! So, mom I think you should find out who the secret admirer is.
You do? Yeah.
Let's face it, mom, you're not getting any younger, and if someone finds you attractive, you should jump at it.
So you guys would really be ok if I started dating? Yeah.
It's like I told Cody-- if it makes you happy, it makes us happy.
Well, if the secret admirer reveals himself, I'll consider him.
That is if he's not a stalker or an ex-felon.
Don't knock it till you tried it, honey.
Ah! Everything is in place for your father's visit? Yeah.
Everything except my father.
Oh, not to worry.
He will be here.
Now, what are you going to wear to your father/daughter dance? Something elegant and classic? I'm thinking tube top and hot pants.
Do we feel that's appropriate for a school dance? We feel it's appropriate for a beach house, which is where I'll be when daddy can't make it.
I;M sure he'll be here.
This is a father/daughter event AND HE'S THE FATHER PART.
And here's the daughter part, off to buy a bathing suit.
Toodles.
Maddie, we need to talk to you.
Does it have to do with who sent your mom the flowers and poem? Man, news travels fast around here! Nothing happens at this hotel that I don't know.
But who could it be? I don't know.
Then who? Hello! Hunk at 12 o'clock! I bet it's the new guy-- serge the concierge.
He's single, your mom's age, and he's working on a romantic novel.
He's writing a book? He's reading one.
All: WE KNOW WHO YOUR SECRET ADMIRER IS! Whoa, whoa, whoa! One at a time.
Your secret admirer.
We know who it is.
Aw, guys, I appreciate your trying to find him, but I've got too much going on to date right now.
I mean, I've got my career, you kids I've started an Afghan It's serge.
Oh.
Well, then how many Afghans does a girl really need? I can't just go over there.
Come on, Carey, live a little.
Ok, maybe you're right.
I will.
Somebody give me a push.
Hi.
I was in the neighborhood.
Hello.
I'm Carey Martin.
I know.
I've seen you sing.
You're really quite wonderful.
Thank you.
And I'm a big fan of your conciergeIng.
Listen, this may sound silly, but I received some flowers and a lovely poem, and I was just wondering, did you send them? How did you know? A girl can tell.
Looks like mom's back in the dating game! And we're back in the video game.
[Sighs.]
It just goes to show you You're never too old to find love.
I don't know, honey.
When I go online, I'm a 24-year-old named Britney! [Doorbell rings.]
Mom, your not-so-secret admirer is here.
Carey: I'll BE RIGHT OUT.
Why don't you boys get acquainted? Oh, great.
I love kids.
So, when do you guys jump in your jammies and run off to sleepy-bye, huh? When we were 5.
Now we wait until it gets darky-poo.
Right.
I'm not getting a very good vibe from this guy.
We don't know much about him.
Don't worry, I'm all over it.
So Ever been in prison? No.
Wear a toupee? No.
Got kids? No.
Ever been married? Pets? No.
No! Jeez, fella, what's wrong with you?! Right now, you.
Hi, guys.
You look terrific.
Thank you.
Mm.
How's it goin'? Great.
Great.
Cute kids.
Oh, guys, maddie can't sit tonight, so I asked Muriel.
She should be here soon.
Maybe we should wait.
No.
No.
No! No! I'll--I'll get the door.
Alrighty, then.
LOVE YOU.
Boys: LOVE YOU.
Cody: GOOD NIGHT.
What a jerk.
Yeah.
But more importantly, until Muriel gets here, we can have Teen-rated fun! Great.
I'll grab my blanket.
[Alarm buzzer.]
Aw, man, mom blocked the game! I know! Arwin can unblock it.
He can unblock anything.
Remember that toilet last week? Eww! Eww! Let's go.
[Knock on door.]
Hey, arwin.
Hey, guys.
Whoa! This place is so cool! Thanks.
Thanks.
Sorry about the, umAhem-- the mess.
I haven't, uh-- I haven't had visitors down here in Well, ever.
Um Hungry? [Beep.]
I've got this hooked up to the kitchen.
Awesome! Yeah.
They send me down whatever's left over.
Last week I got a ham! I think it was a ham.
Hey, arwin, we were hoping you could fix this for us.
Our mom blocked it.
Yeah.
She won't let us have any fun.
Oh, I don't buy that.
Your mom's terrific.
Besides being a great singer, she's pretty and smart and really, really nice and Did I mention pretty? [Chime.]
She really lights up a room, doesn't she? Hey, arwin, you like poetry? Ahem.
Yeah.
It, uh-- it relaxes me while I spackle.
[Telephone rings.]
Excuse me.
you're on with arwin.
Yes, sir.
Yes, sir.
G-gotcha.
Gotcha.
Gotcha.
Uh, I gotta go.
Moseby needs me.
The South elevator's making that UUUHHHHHHH-AIEEEEEEE TCH-CHUNK SOUND AGAIN.
I'll get your game back to you later.
Ok! I'm just gonna take this with me.
Cody, do you see what's going on here? Arwin reads poetry, he thinks mom is pretty.
He has a picture of mom that lights up when he claps.
Which means mom's on the date with the wrong guy, and it's all our fault.
We gotta do something before mom gets the urge for serge.
Carey: AREN'T YOU GUYS SUPPOSED TO BE IN BED? Mom, there's a problem.
We need to talk.
Where's Muriel? Oh, she's fine.
We fed her, let her watch tv, and she went to sleep right on time.
Muriel.
[Snorts.]
Oh, the girls were just perfect darlings.
That'll be 30 bucks.
Thanks.
Good night, Jodie.
Good night, pat.
Well, she was close.
So what's the problem? Serge is not your secret admirer.
It's arwin.
The guy in the overalls?! Yeah! Yeah! Oh, no.
I think you're mistaken.
Serge told me he wrote the poem.
[Doorbell rings.]
Hey, guys.
I unlocked your game.
I also removed all the killing and fighting, so it basically stinks now.
The-- [nervous laugh.]
Have fun.
Hey, arwin, tell mom about the poem and flowers you sent her.
Tell her it wasn't serge.
[Stammering.]
Kids! Heh heh.
Their imagination.
Heh heh.
I gotta go.
Well, that was embarrassing.
Guys, I know what's going on.
What's going on here is that serge lied about being your secret admirer.
No, this is about your fear of losing your mother to someone else Which is common for children of divorce between 9 and 15.
Mom, have you been reading those parenting books again? Guys, you did a good thing helping me get back into dating, and we'll all be ok with it after we have an open and Frank discussion.
Ok, we think-- I'm going out with serge tomorrow night.
End of open and Frank discussion.
Arwin! Aah! We need to talk.
I can't.
Moseby's got me running around like crazy getting ready for tipton's arrival.
I don't have time to talk about me being your mom's secret admirer.
Oops! SO IT WAS YOU.
That was easier than I thought.
But why'd you say you weren't in front of our mom? Well, because A woman like your mom would never go out with-- [scoffs.]
A guy like me.
I mean, look at me.
I hold up my socks with duct tape.
Besides, she's going out with that serge guy now, and she really seems to like him.
That's 'cause she thinks he wrote your poem.
Good point.
You just have to have a little confidence in yourself.
Yeah.
All you really need to do is wash up, get some new clothes, do some flossing, and maybe something about that smell.
I could floss.
We're gonna need some help.
Now, arwin, this is a practice date.
Pretend Muriel is Carey.
All right, thrill me, plunger boy.
Now say something charming.
You've got beautiful earlobes.
That was wrong, wasn't it? Yes.
[Muriel snoring.]
And your date has nodded off.
Carey? Wake up.
[Snoring.]
Is the date over? No.
You fell asleep.
Well, can you blame me? This guy could put coffee to sleep! Isn't this exciting? I see you wore your dress.
I need something to wear over my bathing suit.
[Helicopter approaching.]
It's him In the tipton helicopter! See, you were wrong! Told you! TOLD YOU! TOLD YOU! YOU'RE RIGHT! HE IS HERE! He came for the father/daughter dance.
Oh, I hope he likes my dress.
I hope he likes my lobby.
Play.
Play.
[PLAYING HAIL TO THE CHIEF.]
That's not daddy! Miss tipton, your father sends his apologies.
Something came up in Argentina and he has to remain there for the rest of the week.
Ok.
So what'd he get me? Diamond necklace.
Cool.
He didn't show.
I was so looking forward to show-- [voice cracking.]
He promised! I GOT A BAND! And it's a very pretty band, too.
I mean, we can't get upset every time he can't make it when he promises to.
I know, but I'm upset.
Come on.
Come on.
Give us a smile.
No.
Come on, just a little smile.
Ehh! No, I've always had a love of poetry.
So who's you favorite poet? Oh, there are so many of them.
I'm gonna have to say Dr.
Seuss.
Cat, hat That man was a genius.
Ok, it's time for operation "get serge out of here and replace him with arwin.
" That's me.
Sorry.
Ok, here's what we do.
Serge's job is to help the guests.
I'll call him and pretend to be an upset guest.
Here.
Use my cell phone.
He's speed dial number 9.
[Cell phone rings.]
[Beep.]
Serge the concierge.
[Middle eastern accent.]
Dis is prince bapa-lapa shamalama ding dong.
My wife needs 10 gallons of goat milk for her bath.
I must have it immediately, or your government and Mr.
moseby will hear about it! I have to take care of a guest problem.
I'm sorry.
I'll be right back.
That's ok.
I understand.
I'll keep him busy.
Ok, arwin, this is it.
I want you to go out there and show my mom just how charming and cool the new you is.
Got it! Charming, cool.
Arwin! Yeah? Booger.
[Clears throat.]
Carey.
Arwin, is that you? You look great! Thanks.
[Nervous chuckle.]
No duct tape.
Um, so, um Don't tell me you are eating here alone.
Uh, no.
My date should be right back.
Ok.
Sit down! Oh! Come here! Oh! Tell her a story.
Oh! Oh! So Uh, I was, um Up in room 312 today Uh, leanin' over the toilet Uh, plunging-- in and out, in and out, in and out-- and water and who knows what else comes splashing everywhere You don't say.
Yeah.
And then Pop! Out comes a wad of hair the size of your head.
[Chuckles.]
[Cell phone rings.]
[Beep.]
Serge the concierge.
[Mid-east accent.]
I am princess bapa-lapa shamalama ding dong.
Where is my llama milk? Llama? Your husband said to get goat milk.
My husband prince bapa-lapa shamalama ding dong is a ding dong! [Phone hangs up.]
[Crying.]
[Gasps.]
Oh, moseby! I was just checking the clean linens.
Whoever does the laundry should be fired immediately.
This wouldn't have to do more with your father not showing up for the father/daughter dance, would it? [Voice cracking.]
Maybe.
I just thought he might actually show up this time.
Mm.
I know just how you feel.
In fact, if you're not doing anything, I would be honored to be your escort to the dance this evening.
Thank you.
YOU ARE GOING TO CHANGE, RIGHT? SoI'm trying to fit an 1/8-inch wing nut onto a 2-inch flange.
Call me crazy.
You're a daredevil! How's it going? This is a disaster! All he can talk about is plumbing! How come he didn't use the stuff I wrote down?! 'Cause it stunk! You know I can hear you over there.
[WHISPERING.]
I think our cover is blown.
Great, now you whisper! Arwin, my kids obviously think you're a great guy, so I figure they must've talked you into this whole scheme? And by the way, you look great.
Really.
Thanks.
Thanks.
Thanks.
But apparently Zack and Cody don't like the guy I'm with right now.
They seem to think he isn't exactly telling me the truth.
[Clears throat.]
Arwin? Uh I'm--I;M the one who hasn't been truthful.
You? About what? As the wind whips my soul, I shall not tarry.
To my utter despair, I bid adieu to Carey.
Oh, my--arwin! IT WAS YOU.
Arwin, I'm flattered that you like me enough to send flowers and write beautiful poetry andBathe, but-- but?! Not the but! You're a sweet guy, but I don't think this is gonna work out.
[All sigh.]
I should probably stick to admiring from afar.
It's much less painful yeah, but nothing ventured, nothing gained.
Which is what she usually says to get us to eat broccoli.
The point is, just 'cause it didn't work out with me doesn't mean it won't work out with someone else.
That's nice of you to say, but I don't think it'll ever happen for me.
Arwin Lookin' good.
Nice piece of broccoli.
Nothin' ventured Nothing gained.
Mm-hmm.
Heh heh heh heh.
Come on, guys, I know you don't like serge, but I need you to trust that if a guy's no good, I can figure it out all by myself.
But you didn't figure out that serge was a lying doofus! Now, now, let's not call people names, even if they are lying doofuses.
We just wanted you to be happy.
I am happy.
This was our first time dating, and no one was severely injured.
I call that a success.
And it was nice getting out there again.
Nothing ventured Nothing gained.
Exactly.
Broccoli? Carey, I'm so sorry.
I've been running all over town for some princess bapa-lapa shamalama ding dong, and it turns out there's no one at the hotel with that name.
There's no one in the world with that name.
Guys, give us a minute? Serge, you know, that poem you wrote me was so lovely I wrote a little something for you.
Violets are blue, roses are red, my boys were right-- go soak your head.
Yeah! Yeah!