The Suite Life of Zack & Cody s03e02 Episode Script
Summer of Our Discontent
Good morning, Mr.
moseby.
Lovely day, isn't it? What do you want? A summer job at the hotel.
Forget it.
We're not hiring hooligans.
Don't you need someone to cover the candy counter while maddie's away? No.
I have found an excellent replacement.
Heh heh heh.
Millicent, how are the candy sales this morning? Sales? I'm supposed to charge people for candy? [Whimpers.]
Yes.
That would explain the cash register.
Oops.
I thought it was an atm.
I guess this cash belongs to you.
Oh, my Here I am in your life here you are in mine yes, we have a suite life most of the time you and me, we got the world to see so come on down just me and you know what to do so come on down it's you and me and me and you we got the whole place to ourselves you and me, we got it all for free so come on down this is the suite life we've got a suite life [School bell rings.]
Ucch.
Why is it so hot in here? Because it's summer school, which you have to go to for failing the eighth grade.
Just English class.
Besides, plenty of our greatest leaders failed the eighth grade.
Like who? Th-there was that Abe guy, with the beard and the tall hat.
He lived in gettysburg and died at the movies.
And yet somehow you passed history.
You better pass this one, too, or I'm gonna take moseby up on his offer to pay for military school, so you can either pay attention now or stand at attention later.
Have fun.
Hey, man.
How's it goin'? Not good.
I'm tryin' to pick a desk.
If I sit by the blackboard, the teacher will call on me, but if I sit in the back and there's a fire, I might not make it out, but if I sit by the window, a large bird could swoop in and carry me away.
Well, here's hopin'.
Well, well, well.
Look who we have here.
I'm Zack.
And you are? Shy, painfully shy.
Don't look at me.
You're in my seat.
Your seat? It's the first day of summer school.
Not for me.
I've been comin' here for 4 years.
It's my name carved in the desk--brick.
Brick? Is that because you're all red-faced and shaped like a giant rectangle? It's short for brickford, you twerp face.
And that would be my nickname.
[School bell rings.]
[Sighs.]
Hello, class.
Welcome.
I am Mrs.
bird.
That's buh-ird.
"Bird.
" Now, there is only one person who wants to be here less than you, and that is me.
So listen up, and nobody gets hurt.
[Sighs.]
Since this is summer school, I thought we would start with some thematic poetry about summer.
Huh? Huh? Wha? Oops.
Sorry.
I mean some rhymy words about the hot time.
Oh.
Ok.
Oh, I get it.
Ok, "shall I compare thee to a summer's day" Who do you think that Shakespeare was addressing? Did you want to answer? Yes.
No.
Yes.
Never mind.
Anybody else wanna take a crack at it? Brick, nice to see you again.
Laura.
Who do you think that Shakespeare is addressing? False? How about you, sweetie? Oh, no.
Everybody's staring at me.
I think I'm gonna hurl.
Movin' my chair.
Movin' my chair.
[Growls.]
Movin' back.
Movin' back.
What about you, skater boy? Uh, I don't know.
Uh I think Shakespeare is hittin' on a chick by tellin' her she's hot like a summer's day.
No.
That's-- that's right.
Good job.
Really? Thanks.
[Coughs.]
Nerd.
There's a nerd in summer school? Where? Hope you guys are gonna clean those up.
Oh, no.
I am a nerd.
Hiya.
Welcome to the Paul revere mini-mart.
The savings are coming! The savings are coming! I'm Wayne.
How may I help you? Well, I see that you have a help-wanted sign in your window.
Here's my rsum.
It's got my school records, volunteer work, achievement awards, and career objectives.
Wow.
You're really smart and organized.
Yep.
I hate that.
I want a helper monkey who will dance when I say, "dance.
" Uh, well, I--I can do that.
[Tentative.]
Eep, eep.
Sorry, kid.
You're just not cut out for the Paul revere what lifestyle?Fest it's just a bag boy job.
Just a bag boy job?! See, that proves how little you know about the grocery game.
Being a bag boy takes skill and training.
Now run along, kid.
Don't be a pain in the Wayne.
Oh.
Hey, Cody.
Hey, London.
Ahh hah! What are you doin' here? I'm hitting up every store, buying up all this week's teen trend magazines.
There's a photo of me scarfing down a crabcake, and it ain't pretty.
Well, it couldn't be that bad.
Whoa.
They should put a toll in that tunnel.
Exactly.
Look, I'm in a rush, so take care of this for me and keep the change.
I can't belive you know London tipton.
I've got a blog dedicated to her, "love to love London.
" I've watched her walk by the store for months just hoping she'd come in and buy some beef jerky and share it with me until our lips meet.
[Kisses, sighs.]
Yeah.
That'll happen.
It will if you want a job here.
Hey Get me a date with London tipton, and you're hired.
Couldn't I just do the monkey dance again? Are you questioning the appeal of wayneco, a division of handsome industries? No, n-not at all, but-- I'll set it up.
Whew! But you might wanna use your employee discount on some breath spray.
And some dandruff shampoo.
Oh.
And ease up on the hair gel.
Ok, I graded your mulitple-choice quizzes.
Mark, you circled "a," "b," "c," and "d" for every question.
It's hard to pick one letter.
Not for me.
"F.
" Haley, you can come out from under your bag.
You got the next-highest grade in the class, a "d" Minus.
I didn't get an "f.
" Whoo hoo! Maybe now grandma will hug me.
Zack, nice work.
Bless you.
Wow.
What'd you get, nerd? It doesn't matter.
A "a.
" You got a "a.
" Ha ha ha ha! Shut up.
Yes, sir.
You should all follow Zack's fine example.
This is a student who cares, someone who went the extra mile, someone who didn't quit at the-- [school bell rings.]
That's lunch.
If anybody needs help opening their pudding, ask Zack.
So, guys, any of you wanna share a peanut butter and banana sandwich? I'll take that as a no.
Hey, Mr.
moseby, have you seen London? I need a favor from her.
Oh.
London doing a favor.
Ha! That's a good one.
Well, it's not a big favor.
I just want her to go on a date with the manager of the Paul revere mini-mart.
Oh.
[Stifles laugh.]
So you've seen him? Seen him? Ooh.
The savings are coming.
The savings are coming.
Ooh.
Heh heh heh.
Hey, London.
Hmm? Do you think you can do me a teensy-weensy favor? No.
Uhh.
You had no idea what I even was gonna say.
You were going to say there's this guy who's obsessed with me because I'm the most amazing person in the world, and he just has to have a date with me.
[Stifles laugh.]
That's not what I was going to say at all.
I was going to say that There's this guy who Works for a fashion magazine.
Ooh! Which one? I read them all.
It's a new one called heiress.
[Gasps.]
Ooh, ooh.
I'm an heiress.
Yes.
That's right.
That's why he wants to interview you, but you don't wanna meet him.
Who says I didn't wanna meet him? You.
Well, what do I know? Set it up.
It's a date, then.
See? Easy as pie.
[Chuckles.]
Yes.
You've just set up a date, which is not a date, someone thinks is a date, and the other person thinks is an interview.
I mean, what could possibly go wrong? You're right.
Maybe I should be there disguised as a plant.
Yeah, that'll fix it.
Who here has heard of Robert frost? And, no, he is not a singing snowman in a Christmas special.
He is a poet.
"Two roads diverged in a yellow wood.
" Now, from the first line, can anyone tell me what season it is? Paprika? No, not seasoning.
Season, time of year.
Zack? [Thinking.]
So easy.
"A yellow wood.
" The leaves are changing.
It's autumn.
Come on, Zack.
You're the only reason I get up in the morning and drag my butt to this monument to ignorance.
What season is it? Baseball season? [Laughter.]
No.
It's autumn.
It is? That must mean summer school's over.
[Laughter.]
Sit down.
Word, bird.
Hey, I'm a poet, and I didn't know it.
I can make a rhyme anytime.
[Laughter.]
Me, too.
Did I mention you have detention? [School bell rings.]
Zack, I don't understand.
You were doing so well.
What got into you? My underwear, and I didn't want it to happen again.
Hey.
Zack, let's go.
He's not going anywhere.
Zackary has detention.
Detention? Great.
Now I'm stuck here, too.
Listen, young man, you're runnin' out fail ou of seasons.
If you think that I am going-- shh! No talking.
[School bell rings.]
Ok, who here has read the rest of the poem? Did you read it or not, mark? Uh, no.
Fine.
Like I wish we could do with the entire summer, let's skip to the end.
"Two roads diverged in a yellow wood "And I--I took the one less traveled by, and that has made all the difference.
" What do you think is frost's point? Zack? This should be hilarious.
[Thinking.]
"Two roads diverged "in a yellow wood "And I took the one less traveled by, and that has made all the difference.
" What frost is trying to say is--is that life is full of choices, and even though it's easier to go along with what everybody else is doing, going the more difficult way will pay off in the long run.
Ha ha ha! Good one, Zack.
Ah ha ha ha ha ha ha! Ha ha-- that was right? That was exactly right.
Good to have you back, Zack.
Aw, Zack.
You know what? That's it.
Look, there's nothing wrong with being smart.
In fact--and this'll probably shock you-- outside these walls, it's considered a good thing.
So go ahead, call me a nerd, but next year, when you're all here, I won't be.
I'll be taking the road less traveled right to the beach.
So who's with me? Apparently no one.
All right, now here's a tip on how to score some mega-points with London.
She loves to talk about herself, so ask her lots of questions, almost like you're interviewing her for your blog.
[Scoffs.]
I was just gonna show off the guns.
Bang! Yeah.
Let's go with my plan.
Bonsoir, everyone.
Ahh hahh! The s.
S.
London has docked.
Ooh.
And the s.
S.
Stands for "super" Something.
Hey, that works.
I'm super something.
Heh.
London, this is Wayne, the guy I was telling you about.
It's a privelege to meet you, London.
I've dreamed about this moment for years.
Well, I don't give a face-to-face to just anyone, but Cody says you're the man in charge.
Yep, nights and weekends.
Uh, y-yeah, yeah.
That's--that's right.
The man never stops workin'.
Ok, now go away.
Wayne wants to talk to a beauty, not a cootie.
All right.
You two have fun.
This way.
So, what do you wanna know about me? Oh, I already know everything I need to know.
You're beautiful and rich.
And that's why you chose me.
Rah! Rah! Who wouldn't?! Ha ha ha ha ha! [Snorting laugh.]
OK.
Well, as an heiress, here are me.
Ha ha.
Favorite things shouldn't you be writing this down? Uh, ok, if you want me to.
I didn't bring anything to write with.
Well, that seems odd, considering you-- dropped your pen.
Uh, in this waiter's pocket.
You know, luckily I came back and found it.
She also loves it when you take notes.
Gotcha.
Thanks.
So you must meet a lot of royalty in your line of work.
Oh, yeah, sure.
We do a lot of business with sal the salami king.
[Gasps.]
I've never been to salami.
Is it beautiful? Ah ha ha ha! Ha.
Ha.
That's really funny.
Cody, what are you still doing here? I'm, uh Having dinner.
Is this blue cheese? [Knock on door.]
Mark, what are you doin' here? Don't worry, nerd.
I'm not here to beat you up.
Whew.
That's a relief.
Actually, I was wondering-- but maybe you don't want to.
But it would be really great if-- uh, I don't think so.
What? If you could do some tutoring.
Aren't you nervous that the rest of the class is gonna give you an atomic wedgie if you do well? Nope.
Hey.
What's up, Zack? Hey, guys.
Hey, Zack.
Dude.
Wow.
Lookin' pretty tonight, Haley.
New bag? Haley: Thanks for noticing.
Brick.
You're here to study, too? Yeah.
I gotta get into high school already.
I mean, I can't deal with those tiny toilets anymore! Well, why don't you all pull up a seat.
Now, let's crack open those books, shall we? So the most important thing to remember is that Shakespeare wrote in iambic pentameter.
Zack? Shh.
Sit down and don't disrupt my class again, or I'll give you detention.
Hey.
You got a date to the prom yet? Oh, shucks.
If only you'd asked me sooner.
So, Wayne, how long have you been writing? I don't know.
Since I was about 10.
I had prolem with es.
Me, too.
Ha! But that hasn't stopped your career.
So how's your circulation? Oh, it's pretty good, I guess.
I have naturally low blood pressure, like a jungle cat's.
Rrrowr.
Aaaand that helps you sell magazines? Helps me sell everything.
No one can resist when captain Wayne sets his phaser on charm.
Resistence is futile.
[Nervous chuckle.]
So, uh, shouldn't we be moving on to the picture-taking portion of the evening? Pictures? I-I'll take it.
Um, uh, the photographer must be in the bathroom.
Um, Wayne, can I borrow your phone? All right, now.
Work it.
[Clicking.]
Work it--work I-- work what? What are you talking ab-- Cody shouldn't be taking pictures of me that are gonna be in a magazine.
Our date's gonna be in a magazine?! Bang! Date? What's going on here? Um, uh, nothing.
You know, uh, just your typical [whispering.]
Interview.
Date.
Am I on a date with London tipton or not? Not.
Cody, am I being interviewed by the editor of heiress magazine? Pfft.
I'm not the editor of heiress magazine.
I work at the Paul revere mini-mart.
Eww.
I'm having dinner with some greasy bag boy? Hey! I'm the greasy assistant manager.
Eww.
Eww, eww, eww, eww.
Eww! Pfft, pfft! Eww, eww, eww.
I think she likes you.
So, Wayne, when do I start? Never.
Is that a firm never? I don't know how it happened, but somehow you all passed this test.
Yeah! Yeah! I'd accuse you of cheating, but I don't wanna do the paperwork.
You know what? Mrs.
bird, with all due repect, I don't think you're giving these kids enough credit.
They can rise to a challenge.
You're the best, Zack.
You rock.
I love you.
Zack, you make a good point.
Starting today, I'm gonna make this class a whole lot harder.
You're the worst, Zack.
You stink.
I love you.
The heart wants what the heart wants.
You know, this is becoming strangely relaxing.
Cody: Hey, Wayne.
You wanted to see me? Right.
Welcome--[Blows.]
-- to the Paul revere family.
Really? You're not mad about the other night? Please.
It takes more than that to derail the Wayne train.
[Chugging.]
Whoo ooh! But the date was bogus.
The pictures you took weren't.
I posted 'em on my blog.
Suddenly a lot of ladies wanna take a spin on the tilt-a-Wayne.
So what's my first job, boss? Unpack that box of bananas from South America.
What's this for? Those tropical spiders can get pretty big.
Oh, I get it.
Try and scare the new kid.
Aah!
moseby.
Lovely day, isn't it? What do you want? A summer job at the hotel.
Forget it.
We're not hiring hooligans.
Don't you need someone to cover the candy counter while maddie's away? No.
I have found an excellent replacement.
Heh heh heh.
Millicent, how are the candy sales this morning? Sales? I'm supposed to charge people for candy? [Whimpers.]
Yes.
That would explain the cash register.
Oops.
I thought it was an atm.
I guess this cash belongs to you.
Oh, my Here I am in your life here you are in mine yes, we have a suite life most of the time you and me, we got the world to see so come on down just me and you know what to do so come on down it's you and me and me and you we got the whole place to ourselves you and me, we got it all for free so come on down this is the suite life we've got a suite life [School bell rings.]
Ucch.
Why is it so hot in here? Because it's summer school, which you have to go to for failing the eighth grade.
Just English class.
Besides, plenty of our greatest leaders failed the eighth grade.
Like who? Th-there was that Abe guy, with the beard and the tall hat.
He lived in gettysburg and died at the movies.
And yet somehow you passed history.
You better pass this one, too, or I'm gonna take moseby up on his offer to pay for military school, so you can either pay attention now or stand at attention later.
Have fun.
Hey, man.
How's it goin'? Not good.
I'm tryin' to pick a desk.
If I sit by the blackboard, the teacher will call on me, but if I sit in the back and there's a fire, I might not make it out, but if I sit by the window, a large bird could swoop in and carry me away.
Well, here's hopin'.
Well, well, well.
Look who we have here.
I'm Zack.
And you are? Shy, painfully shy.
Don't look at me.
You're in my seat.
Your seat? It's the first day of summer school.
Not for me.
I've been comin' here for 4 years.
It's my name carved in the desk--brick.
Brick? Is that because you're all red-faced and shaped like a giant rectangle? It's short for brickford, you twerp face.
And that would be my nickname.
[School bell rings.]
[Sighs.]
Hello, class.
Welcome.
I am Mrs.
bird.
That's buh-ird.
"Bird.
" Now, there is only one person who wants to be here less than you, and that is me.
So listen up, and nobody gets hurt.
[Sighs.]
Since this is summer school, I thought we would start with some thematic poetry about summer.
Huh? Huh? Wha? Oops.
Sorry.
I mean some rhymy words about the hot time.
Oh.
Ok.
Oh, I get it.
Ok, "shall I compare thee to a summer's day" Who do you think that Shakespeare was addressing? Did you want to answer? Yes.
No.
Yes.
Never mind.
Anybody else wanna take a crack at it? Brick, nice to see you again.
Laura.
Who do you think that Shakespeare is addressing? False? How about you, sweetie? Oh, no.
Everybody's staring at me.
I think I'm gonna hurl.
Movin' my chair.
Movin' my chair.
[Growls.]
Movin' back.
Movin' back.
What about you, skater boy? Uh, I don't know.
Uh I think Shakespeare is hittin' on a chick by tellin' her she's hot like a summer's day.
No.
That's-- that's right.
Good job.
Really? Thanks.
[Coughs.]
Nerd.
There's a nerd in summer school? Where? Hope you guys are gonna clean those up.
Oh, no.
I am a nerd.
Hiya.
Welcome to the Paul revere mini-mart.
The savings are coming! The savings are coming! I'm Wayne.
How may I help you? Well, I see that you have a help-wanted sign in your window.
Here's my rsum.
It's got my school records, volunteer work, achievement awards, and career objectives.
Wow.
You're really smart and organized.
Yep.
I hate that.
I want a helper monkey who will dance when I say, "dance.
" Uh, well, I--I can do that.
[Tentative.]
Eep, eep.
Sorry, kid.
You're just not cut out for the Paul revere what lifestyle?Fest it's just a bag boy job.
Just a bag boy job?! See, that proves how little you know about the grocery game.
Being a bag boy takes skill and training.
Now run along, kid.
Don't be a pain in the Wayne.
Oh.
Hey, Cody.
Hey, London.
Ahh hah! What are you doin' here? I'm hitting up every store, buying up all this week's teen trend magazines.
There's a photo of me scarfing down a crabcake, and it ain't pretty.
Well, it couldn't be that bad.
Whoa.
They should put a toll in that tunnel.
Exactly.
Look, I'm in a rush, so take care of this for me and keep the change.
I can't belive you know London tipton.
I've got a blog dedicated to her, "love to love London.
" I've watched her walk by the store for months just hoping she'd come in and buy some beef jerky and share it with me until our lips meet.
[Kisses, sighs.]
Yeah.
That'll happen.
It will if you want a job here.
Hey Get me a date with London tipton, and you're hired.
Couldn't I just do the monkey dance again? Are you questioning the appeal of wayneco, a division of handsome industries? No, n-not at all, but-- I'll set it up.
Whew! But you might wanna use your employee discount on some breath spray.
And some dandruff shampoo.
Oh.
And ease up on the hair gel.
Ok, I graded your mulitple-choice quizzes.
Mark, you circled "a," "b," "c," and "d" for every question.
It's hard to pick one letter.
Not for me.
"F.
" Haley, you can come out from under your bag.
You got the next-highest grade in the class, a "d" Minus.
I didn't get an "f.
" Whoo hoo! Maybe now grandma will hug me.
Zack, nice work.
Bless you.
Wow.
What'd you get, nerd? It doesn't matter.
A "a.
" You got a "a.
" Ha ha ha ha! Shut up.
Yes, sir.
You should all follow Zack's fine example.
This is a student who cares, someone who went the extra mile, someone who didn't quit at the-- [school bell rings.]
That's lunch.
If anybody needs help opening their pudding, ask Zack.
So, guys, any of you wanna share a peanut butter and banana sandwich? I'll take that as a no.
Hey, Mr.
moseby, have you seen London? I need a favor from her.
Oh.
London doing a favor.
Ha! That's a good one.
Well, it's not a big favor.
I just want her to go on a date with the manager of the Paul revere mini-mart.
Oh.
[Stifles laugh.]
So you've seen him? Seen him? Ooh.
The savings are coming.
The savings are coming.
Ooh.
Heh heh heh.
Hey, London.
Hmm? Do you think you can do me a teensy-weensy favor? No.
Uhh.
You had no idea what I even was gonna say.
You were going to say there's this guy who's obsessed with me because I'm the most amazing person in the world, and he just has to have a date with me.
[Stifles laugh.]
That's not what I was going to say at all.
I was going to say that There's this guy who Works for a fashion magazine.
Ooh! Which one? I read them all.
It's a new one called heiress.
[Gasps.]
Ooh, ooh.
I'm an heiress.
Yes.
That's right.
That's why he wants to interview you, but you don't wanna meet him.
Who says I didn't wanna meet him? You.
Well, what do I know? Set it up.
It's a date, then.
See? Easy as pie.
[Chuckles.]
Yes.
You've just set up a date, which is not a date, someone thinks is a date, and the other person thinks is an interview.
I mean, what could possibly go wrong? You're right.
Maybe I should be there disguised as a plant.
Yeah, that'll fix it.
Who here has heard of Robert frost? And, no, he is not a singing snowman in a Christmas special.
He is a poet.
"Two roads diverged in a yellow wood.
" Now, from the first line, can anyone tell me what season it is? Paprika? No, not seasoning.
Season, time of year.
Zack? [Thinking.]
So easy.
"A yellow wood.
" The leaves are changing.
It's autumn.
Come on, Zack.
You're the only reason I get up in the morning and drag my butt to this monument to ignorance.
What season is it? Baseball season? [Laughter.]
No.
It's autumn.
It is? That must mean summer school's over.
[Laughter.]
Sit down.
Word, bird.
Hey, I'm a poet, and I didn't know it.
I can make a rhyme anytime.
[Laughter.]
Me, too.
Did I mention you have detention? [School bell rings.]
Zack, I don't understand.
You were doing so well.
What got into you? My underwear, and I didn't want it to happen again.
Hey.
Zack, let's go.
He's not going anywhere.
Zackary has detention.
Detention? Great.
Now I'm stuck here, too.
Listen, young man, you're runnin' out fail ou of seasons.
If you think that I am going-- shh! No talking.
[School bell rings.]
Ok, who here has read the rest of the poem? Did you read it or not, mark? Uh, no.
Fine.
Like I wish we could do with the entire summer, let's skip to the end.
"Two roads diverged in a yellow wood "And I--I took the one less traveled by, and that has made all the difference.
" What do you think is frost's point? Zack? This should be hilarious.
[Thinking.]
"Two roads diverged "in a yellow wood "And I took the one less traveled by, and that has made all the difference.
" What frost is trying to say is--is that life is full of choices, and even though it's easier to go along with what everybody else is doing, going the more difficult way will pay off in the long run.
Ha ha ha! Good one, Zack.
Ah ha ha ha ha ha ha! Ha ha-- that was right? That was exactly right.
Good to have you back, Zack.
Aw, Zack.
You know what? That's it.
Look, there's nothing wrong with being smart.
In fact--and this'll probably shock you-- outside these walls, it's considered a good thing.
So go ahead, call me a nerd, but next year, when you're all here, I won't be.
I'll be taking the road less traveled right to the beach.
So who's with me? Apparently no one.
All right, now here's a tip on how to score some mega-points with London.
She loves to talk about herself, so ask her lots of questions, almost like you're interviewing her for your blog.
[Scoffs.]
I was just gonna show off the guns.
Bang! Yeah.
Let's go with my plan.
Bonsoir, everyone.
Ahh hahh! The s.
S.
London has docked.
Ooh.
And the s.
S.
Stands for "super" Something.
Hey, that works.
I'm super something.
Heh.
London, this is Wayne, the guy I was telling you about.
It's a privelege to meet you, London.
I've dreamed about this moment for years.
Well, I don't give a face-to-face to just anyone, but Cody says you're the man in charge.
Yep, nights and weekends.
Uh, y-yeah, yeah.
That's--that's right.
The man never stops workin'.
Ok, now go away.
Wayne wants to talk to a beauty, not a cootie.
All right.
You two have fun.
This way.
So, what do you wanna know about me? Oh, I already know everything I need to know.
You're beautiful and rich.
And that's why you chose me.
Rah! Rah! Who wouldn't?! Ha ha ha ha ha! [Snorting laugh.]
OK.
Well, as an heiress, here are me.
Ha ha.
Favorite things shouldn't you be writing this down? Uh, ok, if you want me to.
I didn't bring anything to write with.
Well, that seems odd, considering you-- dropped your pen.
Uh, in this waiter's pocket.
You know, luckily I came back and found it.
She also loves it when you take notes.
Gotcha.
Thanks.
So you must meet a lot of royalty in your line of work.
Oh, yeah, sure.
We do a lot of business with sal the salami king.
[Gasps.]
I've never been to salami.
Is it beautiful? Ah ha ha ha! Ha.
Ha.
That's really funny.
Cody, what are you still doing here? I'm, uh Having dinner.
Is this blue cheese? [Knock on door.]
Mark, what are you doin' here? Don't worry, nerd.
I'm not here to beat you up.
Whew.
That's a relief.
Actually, I was wondering-- but maybe you don't want to.
But it would be really great if-- uh, I don't think so.
What? If you could do some tutoring.
Aren't you nervous that the rest of the class is gonna give you an atomic wedgie if you do well? Nope.
Hey.
What's up, Zack? Hey, guys.
Hey, Zack.
Dude.
Wow.
Lookin' pretty tonight, Haley.
New bag? Haley: Thanks for noticing.
Brick.
You're here to study, too? Yeah.
I gotta get into high school already.
I mean, I can't deal with those tiny toilets anymore! Well, why don't you all pull up a seat.
Now, let's crack open those books, shall we? So the most important thing to remember is that Shakespeare wrote in iambic pentameter.
Zack? Shh.
Sit down and don't disrupt my class again, or I'll give you detention.
Hey.
You got a date to the prom yet? Oh, shucks.
If only you'd asked me sooner.
So, Wayne, how long have you been writing? I don't know.
Since I was about 10.
I had prolem with es.
Me, too.
Ha! But that hasn't stopped your career.
So how's your circulation? Oh, it's pretty good, I guess.
I have naturally low blood pressure, like a jungle cat's.
Rrrowr.
Aaaand that helps you sell magazines? Helps me sell everything.
No one can resist when captain Wayne sets his phaser on charm.
Resistence is futile.
[Nervous chuckle.]
So, uh, shouldn't we be moving on to the picture-taking portion of the evening? Pictures? I-I'll take it.
Um, uh, the photographer must be in the bathroom.
Um, Wayne, can I borrow your phone? All right, now.
Work it.
[Clicking.]
Work it--work I-- work what? What are you talking ab-- Cody shouldn't be taking pictures of me that are gonna be in a magazine.
Our date's gonna be in a magazine?! Bang! Date? What's going on here? Um, uh, nothing.
You know, uh, just your typical [whispering.]
Interview.
Date.
Am I on a date with London tipton or not? Not.
Cody, am I being interviewed by the editor of heiress magazine? Pfft.
I'm not the editor of heiress magazine.
I work at the Paul revere mini-mart.
Eww.
I'm having dinner with some greasy bag boy? Hey! I'm the greasy assistant manager.
Eww.
Eww, eww, eww, eww.
Eww! Pfft, pfft! Eww, eww, eww.
I think she likes you.
So, Wayne, when do I start? Never.
Is that a firm never? I don't know how it happened, but somehow you all passed this test.
Yeah! Yeah! I'd accuse you of cheating, but I don't wanna do the paperwork.
You know what? Mrs.
bird, with all due repect, I don't think you're giving these kids enough credit.
They can rise to a challenge.
You're the best, Zack.
You rock.
I love you.
Zack, you make a good point.
Starting today, I'm gonna make this class a whole lot harder.
You're the worst, Zack.
You stink.
I love you.
The heart wants what the heart wants.
You know, this is becoming strangely relaxing.
Cody: Hey, Wayne.
You wanted to see me? Right.
Welcome--[Blows.]
-- to the Paul revere family.
Really? You're not mad about the other night? Please.
It takes more than that to derail the Wayne train.
[Chugging.]
Whoo ooh! But the date was bogus.
The pictures you took weren't.
I posted 'em on my blog.
Suddenly a lot of ladies wanna take a spin on the tilt-a-Wayne.
So what's my first job, boss? Unpack that box of bananas from South America.
What's this for? Those tropical spiders can get pretty big.
Oh, I get it.
Try and scare the new kid.
Aah!