The Tick (1994) s01e05 Episode Script

The Tick vs. the Breadmaster

[Buzzer.]
[Man scats.]
[Tick.]
I'm not sure I approve of this interruption, Arthur.
When we're on patrol, our first order of business must be the patrol! Tick, if we don't do the shopping we won't have anything for dinner.
Very well, then, shop away.
I will patrol the supermarket! [Laughs.]
Hi.
I'm Milkie, the milk boy.
Would you like to try a free sample? I would indeed.
Ahh! Dairy goodness.
- Hi, Stuart.
- Hey, Arthur.
How's it goin'? - You still a superhero? - Oh, yeah.
Ah, there you are, Arthur! - Hello, Stuart.
- Hey, Tick.
[Phone rings.]
- Uh-huh? - [Man.]
Evacuate the builing! Tick, you've got some You know right here.
Gad! A crumb? An errant particle? I am besmirched.
Uh-huh.
There.
Did I get it? Uh-huh.
Yeah, right! Oh, sure.
Whatever you say, buddy! No, no, Tick.
Here.
Some guy called the Breadmaster said he planted a loaf of bread in the building! And it's set to go off at noon.
Well, it's almost noon now.
[Ticking.]
[Alarm.]
OK, that's half a pound.
Hey, that's That's bread! Run, Stuart, while you still can! There's evil on the rise.
Yeast devil, back to the oven that baked you! I've got a terrible headache.
Milk moustache! Good heavens! Arthur, save yourself! Ouch.
Tick, hang on! Ahh, so warm! So soft! Could sleep forever Fight it, Tick! Don't go under.
Uh, yes.
Must resist it.
Mustn't succumb to rapture of the bread.
[Groans.]
[Groans.]
Oh, good show, Arthur! You've given me another shot at this thing called life.
- Arthur! - [Whimpering.]
Puppy! [Barks.]
I'm afraid it's a bust, Arthur.
Save what you can! [Customers scream.]
[Sirens.]
Oh.
That's quite good! It must be a terrible shock.
I'll say! I don't have bread insurance.
Don't despair, Stuart.
You can rebuild! Here! Start with these.
Cottony swabs.
Hello? Am I speaking to the Whitebread Baking Company? This is the Breadmaster with a question for you.
Have you no shame? Have you no decency? Can you not cry for the millions victimized by your barbarism? Hang on a second.
Buttery Pat? I need three more pans.
Because of you, the masses know nothing of real bread! Oh, yes! I've sampled that pallid, flavorless sponge you peddle.
It sticks fast to the roof of my mouth.
It rolls eagerly between thumb and forefinger into hard, tasteless pearls.
Yes, I want to register a complaint.
Your bread is a disgrace! Hear me, perpetrators of bread crime.
Your punishment is at hand! Ho! Ha! I must say, little chum, your instincts are improving.
Stopping at Stuart's proved more heroic than I anticipated.
Some heroism.
Tick, the place was demolished! Details, Arthur.
You're obsessing again! Hmm.
More bread! [Sniffs.]
Wait a minute.
Hmm.
You know I think this is the same guy.
[Sloshing.]
Tick, look.
The Whitebread Baking Company! This Breadmaster seems to have something against the food industry.
I think it's the baking industry in particular that he's mad at.
So, this guy's a baker and he's evil Who would know about evil bakers? I know.
The City Baking College! [French accent.]
Yes, I've been ze dean here for over 25 years.
And in all zat time I had only one student with enough skill to devise bread bombs like the ones you describe.
In fact, zat same student was expelled from this very institution.
- Why? - Why? For pursuing perverse baking experiments.
Flagrant violations of ze baker's code.
You know.
Projectile Danish, floating pies That sort of thing.
He baked the muffin that stole my car.
But he was expelled in disgrace! A bitter, broken baker.
[Sighs.]
I haven't heard from him since.
[Phone rings.]
- Hello? - Remember me, ean? The Breadmaster? The object of your miserable, petty jealousy? I remember you! You, who denied me my baking license by [sobs.]
expelling me.
And why? Because your tiny ego could not withstand the threat of my culinary genius.
Well [laughs.]
toay at exactly five o'clock your tyranny ens! Dean! A loaf of bread has been found in the basement.
Can I call you back? We have a situation here.
There! Examine it for yourself.
Then tell me we're not dealing with suspicious baked goods! Not baked goods, professor.
Baked bads! [Ticking.]
Time? [Ticking.]
Hmm.
50 seconds to defuse a loaf of bread.
Not good.
Bread knife.
Uh, here.
- Sacré bleu! - Ten seconds! [Alarm sounds.]
Unnhh! Evacuate the building! This bread's gonna blow! - You heard him! - Must be running now.
Allez, allez! Unngggh! Growwff! Wait a minute.
- Oh, no.
- Good heavens! What have you done? [Groans, burps.]
Tick! You did it.
You ate that bread into submission.
[Gasps.]
This villainous baker means business! [Burps.]
Oh, nuts! The Tick did what?! Grrr! I should have known that sooner or later a superhero would get involved.
The times, Pat, have become desperate.
Which calls for desperate measures.
Very big measures.
Measures that will make the entire city rue the day they ever chartered that college of charlatans! Get me the mayor's office.
And this so-called Breadmaster has issued an ultimatum to Mayor Blank.
He's emane common baking ingreients in enormous quantities.
An if they are not elivere per his instructions, he will escalate his brea bombings.
Mayor Blank announce his ecision at a press conference earlier toay.
I have OL' the elivery of the supplies the Breamaster emans.
But Your Honor, isn't it the city's policy to refuse all terrorist emans? Well, yes, I suppose you coul call these terrorist acts.
But they're also acts of baking.
Very fast an very big baking.
Are you OK? [Burps.]
I have to be, chum.
We have much important work ahead of us.
We must let this base baker accumulate his sundry ingredients.
But when he gets to the sugar, he'll fin the bitter taste ofjustice! Breadmaster! Your culinary crime wave has crashed against the shores of justice! Nice! So, vermin, we meet at last! Butter me, Pat.
[Tick.]
Heads up, Arthur.
Incoming dinner roll! [Screams.]
Hang on, little chum! Unhh! Get this dinner roll off me! [Strains.]
Whoah what? Gad! He's giving us the slip! Whoaahh! [Thud.]
[Both laugh.]
Persevere, embattled sidekick.
We'll break this bread yet! [Arthur gasps.]
My wings! [Groans, strains.]
Phew! Hey, look! They must have dropped it.
More rolls! And this.
A soufflé recipe! Lemme see.
Ten pounds of Cook for A clue, no doubt! Divide by 200, carry the Oh, no! If I understand the proportions correctly, when that big a soufflé rises it'll swallow the city whole! Where could he mix ingredients in that quantity? - [Crashing.]
- A large enclosed space Like a stadium.
Or a skating rink.
Or The municipal swimming pool! I suppose I should regret that we had to leave the sugar behind, Pat.
But I'll still have my revenge on the city.
And it will be just as sweet! [Tick.]
All right, Breadmaster.
That'll be just about enough of that! Chef of chicanery, your buns are mine! Rolls away! Waagghh! You'll have much time to hone your baking skills in the prison mess hall! Perhaps, but you're too late to stop my self-baking soufflé.
Already rising! It will smother the city! Ha ha! - We've gotta do something.
- More thinking.
We are well challenged, small friend.
Actually, a loud noise would - That's it.
A sonic boom! - A sonic boom? A sonic boom would certainly ruin a giant soufflé.
But how to cause one? [Knocking on window.]
[Tick.]
Bullet! [Sleepy groans.]
Bullet, get up.
It's an emergency! What? Who's there? Bullet, it's the Tick.
Wake up! A huge soufflé is about to consume the city and we need your cannon.
Uh, OK.
OK.
Let me put on some pants.
[Arthur.]
We need a sonic boom to make the soufflé fall.
[Yawns.]
Uh-huh.
Listen, I want you to double No, triple the explosive charge you usually use.
A triple charge? No! The explosion alone, not to mention the speed it would generate, could finish a normal human being.
I'm betting that I'm just abnormal enough to survive! [Yelps.]
[? Triumphant music.]
Well, it looks like you've averted yet another threat to the city, Tick.
Yes, and the city looks almost peaceful under a blanket of freshly fallen soufflé.
But let us not forget the lesson that we can learn from this, Arthur.
That man was not meant to tamper with any of the four basic food groups! Hmm.
Could use a little sugar.

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