The Tick (1994) s02e10 Episode Script

The Tick Loves Santa!

[alarm buzzing] [sign buzzing] [ticking] [bell ringing] Ho ho ho! Merry Christmas.
[coughs, wheezes] Merry Christmas, Santa.
But, Daddy, that's not Santa.
He's all skinny.
[loud coughing] But, Daddy! I'll explain when we get home, Son.
- [explosion] - [sirens blaring] Oh, man, it's the heat! [sirens approaching] [man] Freeze! [panting] I repeat, freeze! [grunting, panting] Ho ho ho! Merry Chris - [punch hits] - [body hits floor] Freeze! I am freezing! That low-life stole my Santa suit.
Oh, OK.
You! Freeze! [Arthur] Tick, I don't know.
Maybe they're plums dipped in sugar, maybe they're made out of sugar.
I just don't know, I never had one.
But, they're dancing, Arthur.
They're dancing in my head! [Arthur] Tick! [sighs] Can't we just go home? We're done shopping for today.
We've got to get ready for our party.
Arthur, time is the enemy.
We only have two days, that's 48 hours, - that's 2,880 minutes.
- [siren] Arthur! There's only 172,800 shopping seconds till Christmas! [sighs] There goes another one.
Arthur, it's It's Santa.
Tick, don't be silly.
But, Arthur, look at those rosy cheeks.
The cottony beard.
And watch - [stomach growling] - [Tick giggling] See, his belly jiggles just like a bowl of jelly.
[chuckling] Hey.
What? Santa, what are you doing here? Did you get my list? [siren blaring] Get out of my way, you blue freak.
[stammers] OK, forget about the pony.
Arthur, the cops are after Santa.
There must be some mistake! - Tick, I - Santa, wait up! [panting] Uh-oh.
- [Tick] Santa! - [shouts] What happened? What's going down? I said buzz off! Santa, please, I can help.
- Santa! - [man] All right, spread 'em, Kringle! - We got you covered! - No, wait! Don't shoot! Tick, you don't understand.
No, Mister, you don't understand.
He's jolly! - [shoes scraping roof] - Whoa, whoa! - [crackling] - [screaming] No! - [sizzling] - [groaning] [man] Man, he's gone.
I mean really gone.
[man 2] Yeah, we're gonna have to fill out a lot of paperwork on this one.
We fried Santa! Tick.
Tick! Tick, that wasn't Santa.
The police explained everything.
He was a bank robber.
We fried Santa.
I know.
Come on, Tick.
Everything's gonna be OK.
Let's go home.
[grunts, panting] Huh? [chuckling] Ho ho ho.
[all] Ho ho ho.
Ho ho ho! Ho ho ho! Ho ho ho! Ho ho ho! Ho ho ho! [chuckling] Hey, baby, I'm under the mistletoe.
Make my Christmas.
Field Mouse, get under a missile.
Make everybody's Christmas.
Yeah, Field Mouse, of course, make everybody's Christmas.
Tick, come on, you should mingle.
I mean, it is our Christmas party.
Oh, Arthur, you poor kid.
There won't be any more Christmas.
We fried Santa.
Look, Tick, I didn't want to have to bring this up, but Santa Claus isn't, um Actually, OK What I mean is, frankly, he doesn't, uh Tick, get with it.
there is no Santa Claus.
I know, he got fried.
Tick, that's not what we're saying.
No, this is something different, bigger.
OK, there is not now, nor was there ever a Santa Claus.
Wait a minute, you.
I've heard about people like you.
Are you saying you don't believe in Santa Claus? - Oh, please.
- Definitely not.
- Definitely not in Santa Claus.
- Frankly, yes.
[grunts] And you call yourselves "super heroes.
" We won't settle this over eggnog.
But here's something we can all agree on, it's time to go caroling.
- [sign buzzing] - [voice] Ho ho ho.
Buy some more.
Ho ho ho.
Buy some more.
Man, that thing really creeps me out.
It's become a recurrent theme in my nightmares.
[all] Ho ho ho! Ho ho ho! Ho ho ho! [both grunting] OK, boys, load up.
Stereos and TVs, strictly top of the line.
Are these guys great, or what? [voice] Ho ho ho.
Buy some more.
Ho ho ho.
Buy some more.
Ho ho ho.
Buy some - [sizzling] - [voice stops] [all] Ho ho ho! Ho ho ho! Ho ho ho! Ho ho ho! You tell the world, Multiple Santa is coming to town! I may never sleep again.
- We wish you a merry Christmas - [Sewer Urchin] Yeah - We wish you a merry Christmas - Yeah We wish you a merry Christmas - And a happy New Year - Definitely [American Maid] Good tidings we bring - To you and your kin - [howling] Good tidings for Christmas and a happy New Year We wish you a merry Christmas - We wish you a merry Christmas - Oh, don't do this to yourselves.
How can they sing after what happened to Santa? Come on, Tick.
Give it a rest, will you? [Multiple Santa approaching] Ho ho ho! Ho ho ho! Santa, you're back! Ho ho ho! Ho ho ho! [all] Ho ho ho! Ho ho ho! Santa, you're OK! [Die Fledermaus] Santa.
Santa! Take it easy, I've been good.
I've been Aah! [gasps] Ohh! [Tick] So many Santas.
I just can't get my mind around it.
[Santa clone] Whoa! - [growling] - Whoa, whoa, whoa! You're a disgrace to your uniform, buster.
Whoa! - [screaming] - [crackling] [electricity powering down] Ho ho ho [chuckling] Ho ho ho! Ho ho ho! Oh! Too many Santas, very confusing.
Definitely too many Santas.
Ah! OK, gang, show them what you're made of.
Me! [Arthur] Tick.
Tick! Tick, do something! [groaning] No! I just can't hit Santa.
There is no real Santa Claus, you dink.
Grow up! [groaning] [man] Earlier today, Santa clones cleaned out the Muskoe shopping plaza terrifying last minute shoppers and destroying an expensive News 17 camera.
Of course, the camera can always be replaced.
[grumbling] So, Tick That was interesting strategy last night.
You know [chuckles] The one where you just, oh, stood there in the middle of the fight and did absolutely nothing while the rest of us got creamed! I have to admit, you really dropped the ball there, Tick.
[slurping] Yeah.
Definitely a lot of ball-dropping.
Guys, I'm sorry.
But I I just couldn't.
I couldn't hit that jolly face.
I mean, OK.
Odds are it wasn't the real Santa.
But, how can you ever be sure? [Die Fledermaus] Here's a clue: If he jumps up and kicks you in the stomach, it's probably not Santa! [all] Ho ho ho.
Ho ho ho.
Ho ho ho.
Ho ho ho! Ho ho ho! Everybody, pipe down for a second.
I think I got our next move figured out.
You guys are all electric clones of me.
- Right? - Ho ho? Right.
And the more electricity, the more clones.
Right? - Ho ho ho? - Uh-huh.
And where is the greatest power source The City has? Uh uh The hydroelectric plant at the city dam.
Now, I can tap into that baby, I'll have me an infinite army.
The streets will run red with Santas! [chuckling] Ho ho ho ho ho! [all] Ho ho ho ho ho! [Tick] Well, what about that toy pop-gun you've always had? You told me Santa gave you that.
Tick, that's what I believed when I was little.
It's a wonderful fantasy, I know.
But, it's just not real.
Candy Cane to Fruitcake, come in.
The birds have come back to roost, over.
[man] Roger, Cane, we copy.
Tick, Arthur, we're Santa's Little Secret Service.
Merry Christmas.
Eggnog? Cider? Fruitcake, this is Candy Cane.
We're secure, where's Big Red? Big Red! [elf] That's a big Roger, Big Red is on the roof.
[Santa] Ho ho ho! Gentlemen, may we remind you, no sudden movements.
No flash photography.
- [chuckles] - [footsteps approaching] [Santa] Ho ho ho.
Can I have a cookie? Uh OK.
[sighs] Tick, Arthur, how's it going? Here.
A travel alarm clock for you, and for you, an in-the-egg egg-scrambler.
Enjoy.
Tick? Let's talk.
See, chum? He's real.
Come on, Tick, up you go.
My you're a big boy [gasps] aren't you? Tick, I love you like a son.
You've kept the faith longer than any sane adult could.
But, get a grip on yourself! I know what's going on around here.
But, Tick, those aren't real Santas out there making all those kids cry themselves to sleep every night.
Here, have an orange.
[grunts] I tell you what, get off me.
[groans] These Santas are a sham.
And they are naughty.
- Santa! Look, I still - He's got a gun! - Take him down.
- [clamoring] [Santa] Easy, boys.
Sorry about that, Artie.
Most people are nice, but once in a while a naughty little boy loses it and comes after Santa.
Here, have a pencil set.
Now, get out there and save Christmas.
[both] Wow! [all] Ho ho ho! Ho ho ho! So, why do people think Christmas is so depressing? For one thing, we've been fired three times this month.
Or, it could be that whole "lost childhood" thing.
[man] Maybe it's because you never get what you really want.
These Multiple Santas are cagey prey.
First, they're everywhere.
Now, they're nowhere.
- [Arthur] What if we can't find them? - Then, Christmas may be in trouble.
[ringing] - Hello? - Tick, Santa here.
Listen, I forgot to tell you, the dam.
- What? - The city dam.
Where Multiple Santa is launching his assault on Christmas.
He knows everything! - Right, we're on it.
Thanks.
- OK, boys.
Merry Christmas.
To the dam! Hook me up, fuzzball.
It's time to get my jollies.
Listen, I'm not your biggest fan or nothing, but I gotta warn you, that dynamo there puts out enough wattage to power 40 city blocks.
Come on, I'm pumped, I'm psyched! Give me the juice! Okey-doke.
Bon voyage.
- [electricity sizzling] - [screaming] [groans] Ooh, yeah.
[Multiple Santas] Ho ho ho! Ho ho ho! Tick, I can barely keep up.
Yeah, I'd really cook if I had skates.
- Ho ho ho! - Do you hear that? Yeah.
What do you see from up there? - Oh, no.
- What? It's a Yule tide! [screaming] [gasping] Like a great blue salmon of justice, the mighty Tick courses upstream to the very spawning grounds of evil.
- [rumbling] - [Santas] Ho ho ho! Ho ho ho! Merry Christmas to me.
Ho ho ho.
Now, see, this could be why you found Christmas so depressing.
Ho ho ho! Ho ho ho! Man, those Santas were rubbing me the wrong way.
Ew! Jolly new elf, you're heading for a fall.
You! Deck the halls with him, fellas.
Tick! Must save Christmas.
Arthur! Static electricity shorts them out! Their Achilles heel is the noogie! Great.
Help! Season's greetings.
Happy holidays.
Go tell it on the mountain.
Happy new year! Feliz Navidad.
Lowly wretch.
This is the last time you make epic naughty in Santa threads.
- [Arthur sighs] - [Santa] Ho ho ho! Merry Christmas to you! Spoon! [sighs] You know, Arthur, this strange Christmas episode has taught us much.
Now we know that Santa is real.
He's a compulsive gift-giver.
And, he's Christmas all over.
We, like his wondrous reindeer, should carry his message forward.
So, shove that bit in your mouth, shake your mossy antlers and strike your hooves against the sky! Or, just wake up and open your presents.
I mean, what the hey? It's Christmas! Arthur my dancing sugarplums they're back! I know.
Ha! Mine, too.
And they're the best.
Merry Christmas, Tick.
And merry Christmas to you, Arthur.
Merry Christmas!