The Time of Our Lives (2013) s01e08 Episode Script

Episode 8

This is the speech I wrote for your wedding.
We saw her first in Sydney, She came out with a couple of hundred little kids, all packed together like sardines in a Qantas jet from Saigon.
Ow! What the hell's going on? I hurt her arm.
Who's the stupid, filthy pisshead? There's a huge hole in the wall.
That's the beginnings of the renovation.
Trust me.
I always feel scared when you say stuff like that.
I wanna see Carmody.
We've gotta come to a formal arrangement.
Are you a comedian? Well, I try to be.
I don't have any friends.
I just wanna apologise for the other night.
I'm taking some prescription medication, it collided with the alcohol.
He's just offered me an audition for a spot on breakfast radio.
- OK, ready to go, mate? - Yep.
Right, just a bit closer.
OK, and here we go! And we are back! In fact, this morning we're the beast with the two backs as we welcome to the microphone the Big Cheese, the Big Kahuna, the man about town who has just opened the coolest comedy venue in the world.
It's Mr Wise Crack! Morning! The good Herb! Hey, now, Herb, I've had the pleasure of playing your little comedy club! You have, Gaz.
Interesting night, actually.
I haven't seen too many sets performed lying down.
Shh, sit down.
I thought I would try something new! Yeah, no, you weren't there, were you, Dan? No, I missed it, unfortunately.
Yeah, so did Gaz, actually.
No, no, no, in fairness, it's quite a sad story, actually.
We do think that someone might have been spiking his bourbons with alcohol, so I'm not Hey, hey, listen, I was a little tired, I was a little emotional, so I decided to sleep through the second half.
And do you think it went well? Considering I woke up surrounded by beautiful women, it can't have been all bad.
Well, you know, when one of them's pumping your stomach and the other's inserting a catheter, it doesn't count, does it? Oh, Herb, can you hang around for a bit? Yeah, yeah, yeah, only if you promise to put your pants on, though.
Done deal! I'm gonna put on some pants.
Later, we're gonna hear who is appearing at the Wise Crack this week, and, Bam-Bam, what's happening after the break? After the break, it is being time for the Gag Reflex, Mr Gaz! I cannot wait, and remember, the best joke of the week is gonna win $1,000.
There it is! I thought he did well.
So do I! Hey, I've got a joke that I think might work for Gag Reflex.
OK, there's two fish in a fish bowl, and one says, 'How do you drive this thing?' I don't get it.
Neither do I.
Oh, that's not it.
No, that's not it.
There's two fish in a tank, and one says, 'How do you drive this thing?' Oh, OK, I get it.
A tank.
Damn it.
I blew that.
Well, jokes aren't your strong point.
Yes, they are! Hmm, I gotta go.
Do you reckon you'll ever get around to painting that wall? Oh, I'll put it on the list! Can I get a goal? Here I come! Ready? OK, now, this time it's Marla and you against me, OK? Here's your goal.
Between here and here you gotta kick the ball, OK? - Carmody, you got it? - Got it! Goal! Yay! Well done! Hi! Oh, thank you.
Found any friends yet? What? I'm I'm Jed.
We had dinner.
Well technically you took me to dinner.
Oh, yeah, yeah, that's that's right.
This is my son, Carmody.
Hi, Carmody.
Oh! Man of few words.
Nice to see you again.
See ya.
I'm hungry.
I'm starving! Let's go home.
Hey! Um, do you maybe wanna grab some fish and chips? Oh, no, sorry.
We're just going home.
No worries.
Go! Have some fun! No! Go on.
I can stay till later.
No-one's home at my place anyway.
Are you sure? Go! Hey, Carmody! I'll be home later, OK? Can I have a kiss? I'll see you soon.
Come on, little man, let's get Oh, dear.
Yeah, fish and chips sounds nice.
Battered sav? Chiko roll? It's like you're watching a film, but then you realise you've come in late and missed the beginning, so the rest of it never makes sense.
How old were you when you were adopted? Nearly four months.
It was right at the end of the war.
I was flown out as part of operation Baby Lift.
That's pretty full-on.
How many babies left Vietnam? Altogether thousands.
It's hard to imagine.
I thought I might go to Vietnam after the Cambodia trip, to see if I can find out anything about my birth family.
Yeah, take as long as you need.
Are you staying for dinner? No, I just came to get some summer clothes for my trip.
Vietnam is so close to Cambodia, so I was thinking of going there for a few days after the job finishes.
For a holiday? Not exactly.
I want to try to find my birth mother.
Why? It just feels like the right time.
What's changed? Look, Mum, I know you don't understand, but it's like It's like a feeling inside me.
I wanna know where I came from.
I wanna see people who look like me.
I'm Asian.
I know you don't see it, but it's the first thing that everyone else sees.
Popcorn, will you play with us? Yeah, OK.
Will you play dress-ups with us? No chance of that.
I tell you what, let's get a footy and we'll kick it around the backyard.
Don't worry, Mum.
I'll be alright.
So, am I still your only friend? Yeah, I suppose so.
Yet you never call me.
No wonder you haven't got any friends.
Yeah, I'm obviously going wrong somewhere.
Hey do you want one? I made 'em.
Oh, OK.
They have got one secret ingredient.
What's that? Hash.
What else have you got in there - Rohypnol? No, not today.
I made 'em at a friend's house last night.
I forgot they were in there to be honest.
I'll have one.
This one.
I haven't taken drugs for 15 years.
Now I realise what I've been missing.
So, when you say that this is your textbook, what are you studying? Medicine.
So, you're gonna be a doctor? I am.
So, you're not a comedian? You can be both.
It's not really a 'one or the other' type scenario.
What sort of doctor? A medical one.
Let's go.
Whose trampoline is this? I have no idea.
When I was a kid, I was on the trampoline every day.
Life was so boring! I had nothing to do.
Whereabouts did you grow up? Oh, a tiny country town.
You wouldn't have heard of it.
I think you're gorgeous.
Oi! What are you doing? Hi.
I would really like to make a time to talk about Carmody's living arrangements.
Do you want it to be just the two of us, or would you like me to see if we could get a mediator? I know you weren't too keen on it before, but it might help speed things along.
No, a mediator is fine.
Are you alright? Yep.
Well, my lawyer recommended someone.
Should I give her a call, or would you like to organise it? Oh, no, you go ahead.
Well, uh see you later.
Where did you meet Alice? What? I was wondering where you met Alice.
At a club function in Sydney.
Was it love at first sight? No.
Did you have fun? Yes, yes, I did.
Did you? Yes, we played snakes and ladders, and at about seven, he began to look really tired, so I put him to bed with just one story.
Oh, which one? Uh, it was Hop On Pop.
Oh! I love that one.
I love it! Did you love it? It's a it's a good one.
Mmm! Well, I'll see you in a few days.
Yes, of course.
Thank you again.
Oh! I really appreciate everything that you've done for me, Marla.
Oh, I love hugging you.
Have a good night, mate.
Thanks very much.
G'day, boys! Hey! Hi.
Rob Bamford.
Hey, mate.
Luce Tivolli.
Uh, Bam-Bam from the radio show, yeah? Yes.
Yes, I am.
So, who's on the bill tonight? Not funny, not funny, not funny, not funny, idiot! Who's for a drink? I'm fine.
See you at the bar.
So, Bam-Bam, breakfast radio - good gig? Yeah, it's great.
I just get paid to laugh at everything Gaz says.
Everything he says, day after day, after day, after day.
You're very good at those voices, though.
Mate, can I have a private word with you? Yeah.
Mate, you were trending on Twitter today.
Great! Yeah! I don't know what that means.
It means people were talking about you, and that means people were talking about us.
Fair enough.
We're looking for a third man.
What for? Do you want to join the show? What - permanantly? Nothing's permanent in radio, mate, but yeah, come on board full-time.
Anyway, I gotta go.
Someone will call you tomorrow.
Welcome aboard.
Oh! Come on, Bam-Bam.
Let's go.
Stop boring poor old Luke! It's Luce.
What are you talking about? Of course you're gonna take it! Garrick's a knob! Who gives a Oh, shh.
Mate, you're gonna make more money than you've ever earned in your life just for talking about yourself for three hours a day.
They talk about money? No.
Well, it's going to be a lot.
But do you think Garrick was a knob before he started in breakfast radio, or do you reckon breakfast radio turned him into one? That's a good question.
May have made him more engorged.
More turgid? He did seem slightly more hardened.
You're funny, Luke.
Shh! I'm really worried for Chai Li.
She's been through so much this year.
Well, we can't stop her.
I'm scared for her.
She might find nothing.
Or worse! She might find something she'd rather not know.
Well, we can't tell her what to do and we can't stop her from going.
All we can do is be around to pick up the pieces if we have to.
Mmm! Come on.
She'll be alright, and so will you.
You're starting to feel better already.
So, at roughly 20 past, Debbie's in doing a TV wrap-up, and then after the news, of course, it's the first part of Gag Reflex.
Now, you're familiar with that? Yeah, it's, like, the joke telling competition.
Yep! Yep! Then there'll be a break, then the second half of it.
We decided who's won Five to go, guys.
And then straight into the news.
Where's Garrick? Aren't we almost on? Three, two, one.
OK, let's go! Where's my rundown? Here you go.
Bam-Bam, ramp up the laughter, will you? How are people supposed to know I'm cracking funnies if you're not laughing? So true.
Herbal? Yep? Don't overthink it.
Here we go.
Good morning, Melbourne.
Hi, everybody! What's the rumpus, fellas? Hey, look who's here, Gaz! Your mum's waiting outside.
You hop in the car.
I want to talk to Bernadette for a moment.
How's she been the past few weeks? Oh, pretty good.
Well and truly settled into school.
Did you notice any repercussions of that thing with Luce? What thing? You know, when they had that fight and he grabbed her arm.
When did that happen? It was a couple of weeks ago.
What were they fighting about? Well, she wanted to stay with me because she thought it would make Luce and I fight less, and he insisted she go with him.
Oh, dear.
He grabbed her and pulled her arm.
He didn't mean to hurt her, but he did.
It was a pretty big deal at the time.
Georgie was inconsolable.
But anyway, keep an eye on her? See ya.
OK, if you think $1,000 would make your life a little easier and you're sitting on a big fat joke that will crack us right up, give us a call tomorrow after the eight o'clock news.
Herb, you're the funny guy! Get the ball rolling! Erm, yeah, it's uh Bam-Bam! A dyslexic walks into a bra! That's what I'm talking about.
If you can top that, give us a call tomorrow! Mate you gotta think quicker than that! Is that on the run-down? Not everything's on the rundown.
Geez Louise! And it's coming up to nine o'clock! So, just like a bucket of prawns left out in the sun, we are off! Bye, everybody.
Goodbye! Scratch you later! 'Scratch you later'? Yeah? Oh, dear, oh, dear! OK, who's for an early lunch? Er, not me.
Yeah, sure.
Do you like tequila? Yeah.
Right, now, let's go get a couple of heart-starters right up us before lunch, my shout.
Er Hi.
I'm Caroline.
Jo Price.
Have a seat.
OK, so, what we're here to discuss is the parenting arrangements of Carmody, your five-year-old son.
Yes, that's right.
OK, so, Caroline, can you tell me how Carmody's been cared for up until this point? Um, I'm Carmody's primary carer.
Matt has a very demanding job.
He often works weekends.
OK, so, Matt, keeping that in mind, how do you see yourself as having the time to parent Carmody? Well, I will make the time.
I think, because of what we're going through, it's very important that Carmody maintains a strong relationship with both of us.
Caroline? I don't think Carmody has any kind of relationship with Matt.
Well, obviously I disagree with that.
You don't know anything about him.
You don't know what he likes to do, what he likes to eat.
I mean, Matt knows nothing about Carmody's diet.
For example, I've recently found that Carmody reacts strongly to gluten, so I'm trying to keep his diet gluten-free.
He doesn't react strongly to gluten! How would you know? Unless I've missed something, you are the person who's determined he's got a problem with gluten.
No doctor has ever diagnosed him, but she's run off and had him tested twice - twice! I'm not gonna fight with you, Matt, but I am not gonna let him stay with you if you give him foods with gluten in them.
And I am not going to put him on a special diet that's completely unnecessary.
I mean, he's already a weird little kid.
You want to make him even weirder? Don't say that about your own son.
Do you see what I'm dealing with? Matt, you said that you would make more time for Carmody.
What arrangement would you propose? Well, I'd like Carmody to come and stay with me one night during the week, and two nights on the weekend.
Absolutely not.
Excuse me, Chai Li Tivolli, where would I find her? Just that way.
Thank you.
Hey, Dad.
Hi, chicken.
How you feeling? Yeah, I'm pretty good.
Look, I know you're busy, but I just wanted to talk to you about this Vietnam business.
Now, I know Rosa would feel a lot better if you weren't going to Vietnam Dad On your own.
Does Mum know you're here? Look, I'm not gonna tell you what to do, but I know your mother would feel a lot better if you were to take someone with you.
So, have you thought about one of your brothers? Luce can't afford it, and I'm not going with Matt.
OK, well, I'd just like you to think about it, OK? G'day, Ray.
Oh, Ewan.
I was just on my way out.
Walk you to the door.
OK, I've got an idea.
Why don't we do a call-in about dumb stuff people have done when they're really drunk, like taking a piss in the cupboard or getting into bed with your flatmate, that kind of thing? Mmm, not the most original idea.
Right, what are you sitting on, Herb? And remember, there's no such thing as a bad idea.
Um oh, uh, once I got really pissed and starting making all these prank calls to a guy I was working with Except for that one.
When I was about 13, Mum came home drunk from the RSL club and proceeded to have a lengthy disagreement with our grandfather clock.
He only chimed in with a comeback every 15 minutes.
OK, that is unreal.
Really? That's gold.
Call in and tell us the stupid stuff you've done when you've been drunk.
Now, Herb, a little birdie tells me your mum used to like a drink or two.
Uh, well Hang on a second! We've got our first caller on the line now.
Oh, speak of the devil! I've been told it's Herb's mum! Hello! Is that you, Mrs Ireland? Yes, yes, good morning, Gaz.
Good morning, Herbert.
Morning, Mum.
Hello, I wanted to ring up and tell you about the time I came home from the RSL after a few too many shandies and got into a fight with our grandfather clock! Oh, yeah.
Yes, you see, Gaz, I used to be a lady boxer, and when I got home and I heard the clock strike one, well, I heard the bell and I come out swinging We're making a robot.
Pow! Take that, pendulum Hang on Then I started using strategy, you see.
I let the clock think that it was winning.
I have heard you were a bit of a clock teaser.
Oh, bye-bye, Gaz.
Bye-bye, my darling boy, Herbert.
Bye, Mum.
Oh, go on, give us a call.
Tell us the stupid stuff you've done when you've been under the weather.
God, nothing's sacred, is it? No.
You're a good sport.
And we're back.
It's 8:17.
Let's check out the traffic.
Where we left off last time, Matt wanted to have Carmody three nights a week, and you, Caroline, pretty strongly disagreed with that.
I think Matt should see Carmody, but I think he never spent a lot of time with him on his own, so I think what Matt's asking for is too much, too soon.
Could I just stop you right there, please? Do you mind rephrasing things a little? Rather than saying three nights a week at Matt's, why not say four nights a week at Caroline's? 'Cause what you're stating implies that he should be with Caroline, and any day spent away from her are days spent away from his true home or true parent.
Well, I am certainly not meaning to imply that one parent is truer than the other, but if his primary carer has been Caroline and she is staying in the family home, then time spent with you may, at first, seem like time away from what he sees as usual.
I think we should ease Carmody into staying away from me.
Has he ever had nights away from you, Caroline? Very occasionally he stays with his grandparents or his cousins.
But he hasn't had that many nights away from me either.
Yes, he has.
He hasn't stayed with you since you left Because you won't let me see him! Matt, I would like Caroline to finish what she's saying.
Oh, OK! I was in charge of all the parenting, all the household management, all the money management.
That was my domain, and I was happy to do that, so that Matt could work and build up his career to look after us.
He was never there.
He worked all the time, and I thought it was for us, but it wasn't It was.
Let me speak! Just let me say what I need to say without rolling your eyes and without interrupting me or making fun of what I have to say, OK?! Let me speak! Matt was building a career and a life and now he is gonna share that with someone else, and I just feel like Carmody and I have done all the hard yards, and now someone else is gonna benefit.
Carmody was always saying to me, 'Why isn't Dad here? Why can't Dad come to Luna Park? Why doesn't Dad kick the football with me?' And I would always say, 'Because he's away, looking after us.
' But he wasn't, he was away meeting someone else, and now you want to take my little boy away from me, and that's just it's just too much.
G'day, Dad.
Hey, son.
How was work? Oh, you know, usual dramas.
These young kids, they just need a lot of hand-holding.
Erm, well, while you're here, could you help your father move some heavy boxes? I don't need Matt to help me get a box.
Well, I might as well do it.
I'm here now.
Which one is it? The one on the bottom there.
It's Chai Li's baby things.
Did your mother ask you to come around and do this? No.
I know she did.
Then why are you asking me? What's happening with this custody business? She won't let me see him unless I stick him on this sort of bogus diet, because she's decided he's gluten-intolerant, even though he's been tested, he hasn't got a problem with it! That's Caroline.
She creates problems when there's none! Well, don't start World War III over what sort of bread he has to eat.
So, I should support her madness? The moment Carmody was born, you tied yourself to Caroline for the rest of your life.
Now, you two can make it as hard as you like on one another, but don't make it any harder than it needs to be for that poor little boy.
If she doesn't want him to eat gluten, don't give him any.
Who cares? Give an inch, Matt, and maybe Caroline will give an inch, then who knows? You might just manage to meet somewhere in the middle.
I'm the princess of the castle! I'm the princess of the castle Hello! I'm the princess of the castle and you're the dirty rascal! Thanks for looking after him.
Oh, it's a pleasure.
I'm the princess of the castle and you're the dirty rascal! How'd it go? Uh not good.
Matt wants Carmody half the time.
I can't bear that.
What do you think's fair? Oh, one day a week at the most.
That's not very much.
I don't know why he wants to see him at all.
He's never bothered with him in the past.
I think Matt loves Carmody.
I do.
Would you like any tea? Oh, yes! White with one, please.
I'll get some sugar.
Oh, yum! Mum, look at me! Hey, king of the castle! Yay, a windmill.
Matt's trying to build a relationship with his son.
I see that as a good thing.
If I don't have Carmody, I'll have nothing.
You haven't got nothing.
You've got us.
And I'm quite prepared to sell you one of the twins.
Are you looking after yourself? Are you doing anything just for you? Uh, well, I went on on a date.
Who with? This guy I met at Luce's club.
He's 25.
You sly dog! The Hercules' doors opened on a Phan Rang under siege.
Mortars and rockets were hitting the perimeter of the airstrip, and many of the larger buildings were burning Things got a lot worse in Vietnam, and they decided that they had to bring these babies out quickly Looks like absolute mayhem.
Dive into Saigon very, very quickly, and get out very, very quickly, and when we did get out of the Hercules, we realised there was a lot of gun smoke, and so we were only on I was on that flight.
One of those kids was me.
I nursed one little girl who was about I suspect about six.
She just clung to me, you know, the whole time coming out from Saigon back to Bangkok, then You alright? When we got on the bigger plane, they weren't so scared.
I feel sorry for all those little babies.
The airlift of orphans has come to a halt, and no-one's certain when or if it will be renewed.
See you, guys.
Good morning.
Mate, I am so sorry.
I fell asleep.
I only just woke up.
Just a bit hard to do it all on my own, you know? I'm sorry.
Can I shout you a beer? Yeah, sure.
How much did we make tonight? Oh, probably enough to get a kebab on the way home.
So, how are you liking the world of radio? Um, yeah, it's a steep learning curve, you know.
Live radio three hours a day, it sucks up a lot of material, but it's a major adrenalin rush.
Hey, I heard that stuff you did about your mum this morning.
It was not cool.
Not cool.
Went too far.
Hi! Hey.
Are you the guy from the radio? Uh, yeah, I guess I am.
I love you guys! Your name's Herb, right? You just started? That's right.
I reckon you're hilarious, especially when you do those pranks on each other.
That's it's so funny! Thanks.
Uh, can I buy you guys another beer? Oh, yeah, sure.
Would you like one? Oh, no, thanks.
I gotta go.
Got a session in the morning, so I'll see you later.
See ya.
Feel like going out? Sure! Alright, alright, alright, here we go.
Alright, come on.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, come on! Yes! Welcome to radio, my friend! Oh, yes, a classic there from Noiseworks.
I tell you what, fellas, it's been a bit quiet of late, but I'm looking forward to hearing some new stuff real soon.
Now, this morning, we're talking the girlfriend, the wife, the other half, her indoors, she who must be obeyed, the old war department.
Oh, you can't say that! OK, you've got Darren on the line.
Are you able to go to Georgie's parent-teacher meeting next week? It's on one of our club nights, and Maryanne's gotta work.
I can get Mum to babysit.
Isn't it better if you or Maryanne go? I mean, I don't know what's going on with her.
I'm not her parent.
You're as good as.
Well I don't know.
I'll have to check.
And Herb's been taking a call.
Guilty as charged, Your Gazliness, and we've now got Clint on the line.
How you going, Clint? Me? No, it's Ben here.
Ah, sorry, Ben! Ben, uh, sorry about that.
What does your wife absolutely refuse to do? Hey, hey, and remember, fellas, let's keep it clean.
She won't wash the car.
Oh, didn't I just say 'keep it clean'? Actually, you know, I was over at a mate's place the other night, and I know every time they've had a fight because he starts kind of fixing up a different part of the house.
To say sorry? Yeah, yeah.
So, how does the house look? Like an explosion.
Explosion! Oh, OK, let's call a spade a spade.
This guy is a dead-set stuff-up! Yeah, yeah.
No, look, he's always renovating the house to make up for it, but then he stuffs that up too.
He has to renovate his renovations, which, of course, he gets wrong.
He's gotta renovate the renovations.
It's a very vicious cycle! Sounds like a bad reality show! What does he do for a crust? He's a musician.
Codeword - unemployed.
Right, now, it's time for comedy.
Who's gonna tell us what's happening Got time for an early lunch? Time's an abstract concept.
Will there be tequila? Si.
Arriba! I understand how angry she is with me, but I would like her to acknowledge that it is important for Carmody to have a relationship with me.
Can you acknowledge that, Caroline? Yes.
I don't want to take him away.
And I will do the gluten diet - the gluten-free diet.
But one night a week is too little.
I want a real relationship with my son, and one night a week just isn't enough to do that.
Well, being away from him three nights a week is too much for me.
What if we come up with an interim plan maybe just for the next year which you can then review? Could Carmody spend every second weekend at Matt's, and then in the alternate weeks, spend one night with him during the week? OK.
OK, that's fine.
But can I ask, over the next few weeks, that Carmody come and stay with me for a few nights in a row so I can re-establish a relationship with my son? OK.
Thank you.
Smooch! Hey.
Thought I'd have a go at getting your wall painted.
Why? Why? How else is it gonna get done? Is is that because I'm such a stuff-up? Oh, you heard the show? Mmm.
Didn't mean anything, mate.
I just gotta talk so much crap.
I was just filling up air time.
I don't wanna be the butt of your jokes, mate.
It's kind of the basis of our relationship.
I take the piss out of you, you take the piss out of me.
Not in front of a million people, I don't.
You should try it.
It's a hoot.
You know what? Use your own life all you want, but don't use mine.
Oh, settle down, mate Oh, piss off.
You know, Herb, why don't you go to your own home for a change? Ah.
The barman said that you're the new guy on the Gaz and Bam-bam show.
I am.
Well, I don't think you're that funny.
Fair enough.
Like, why are you even on the radio? I'm funnier than you! Mate, I just wanna eat my schnitzel in peace.
Oh! Too good to talk to me, are you? No, it's not that.
'Cause if you weren't on radio, you'd be a no-one.
Hey, I'm talking to you, mate.
Can you answer me? Yep, I can.
Now, piss off! Alright, so, here's a lesson I learned the hard way.
You shouldn't sleep naked if you have a tendency to sleepwalk.
Like, you know that dream you have where you'd in a crowded place and suddenly you realise you're naked? I had that dream the other night, right? I was in a crowded place and suddenly I was naked, and I woke up to find myself naked in my lounge room with my three female housemates, the landlord, and the real estate agent, who happened to be doing a routine inspection.
Ladies and gentlemen, I don't want to brag, but I think I might be getting my bond back.
Hey, I've been Jed.
You guys have been great.
Cheers! Hey, nice to see you.
You good Hey! I'm glad you could make it.
Just caught the end, but you were great! Cheers.
How do you guys know each other? Um, well, we met here, actually, and Jed just told me to come back and see his stuff another time, so I thought I'd come back tonight.
Hey, do you want a drink? Oh, no, I've got to go.
Why? I've gotta get back to Carmody.
We'll talk soon.
Hey, wait! What was all that about? Oh, it's just it's not my world.
Hash cookies and comedy rooms? I'm I'm almost 40! I have a five-year-old, and I'm getting a divorce.
What I'm doing is just ridiculous! Oh, am I ridiculous? No.
Then kiss me.
What? Well, if you if you don't think I'm ridiculous, then kiss me.
No, kiss me properly.
Now you ARE being ridiculous.
Do it.
Was that honestly was that your best effort? Hi.
Kids asleep.
Twins are.
Georgie's studying.
Luce? Yeah.
Why didn't you tell me you'd hurt Georgie's arm? Did Maryanne tell you about that? Yes.
Because I'd dealt with it.
I didn't want to give it any more air.
I would have liked to have been able to comfort Georgie It was that was between me and her and Maryanne.
Aren't I in the picture too, or is that only when you need someone to go to the parent-teacher meetings? Oh! I was ashamed, OK? I was ashamed that I hurt my little girl's arm.
I didn't want to talk about it or analyse it or rehash it! I didn't want to think about it I don't want to think about it now! Well, I didn't know you were feeling like that! You know, I've got five females in my life I'm trying to wrangle.
I'm trying to keep you happy, I'm trying to keep Maryanne off my back.
I mean, I'm trying to keep Georgie on the straight and narrow, the twins from just going completely feral! You know, and most days I can do it, but you know, I've gotta be honest, I have this deep fear that one day, it's all gonna come crashing down on me, on us! And it's gonna be all my fault! It's not gonna come crashing down, Luce.
You are a great dad, and a fantastic partner.
And I'm lucky to have you.
We all are.
I mean it.
I'm proud to be with you.
Thank you.
- You should paint that wall.
- Go to bed.
Oh! Come on.
You are the love of my life.
You were the love of my life until you told that fish tank joke.
What can I do to make it up to you? Mmm, what's on the menu? Everything.
Well, in that case, serve it up.
I'm ready for my first course.
It's that time of the morning.
Time for Gag Reflex! Alright, and what do you got for us, Jeff? G'day, guys .
What do you get when you cross the Atlantic with the Titanic? Don't know.
You got me.
Beauty! Alright, alright, and, Bernadette, let's hear your joke.
There's a truck driver, and he's driving along in his truck, and in the back he's got an open tray full of penguins, and a police officer pulls him over and he says, 'Sir, I want you to take those penguins to the zoo immediately.
' And he says, 'Oh, alright, Officer, I will,' and off he goes.
The next day, same truck driver, same truck with his open tray full of penguins, but this time they're all wearing sunglasses and hats, and the police officer says, 'Sir, I thought I told you to take those penguins to the zoo yesterday.
' And he said, 'I did.
Today I'm taking them to the beach.
' Did anyone else see where that was headed? OK, Bam-Bam, you're a man of few words, but many voices.
Give us your verdict.
She's got it.
Bernadette's got it.
Yes! She's got the funny bones in her body! Oh, that is the joke and the voice of the week, and you, Bernadette, have just won $1,000! Alright, hang on the line, Bernadette, we'll get your details - Who just won $1,000? - Who? Mummy! You did not! I did! $1,000! We just won $1,000! Hi.
Hey, I had a talk with a couple of mates over at World Vision.
They ran an orphanage in Saigon during the war.
Some of those babies ended up on the flights out to Australia.
They gave me some photos.
Oh! Oh, wow! I've seen a lot of Operation Babylift photos on the Net, but I've never seen these before.
They were taken on the Hercules from Saigon to Bangkok.
You can keep them.
Oh, thank you so much, Ewan! Hey, if you feel like you need some support in Vietnam I don't know, I just I feel like I'd really like to go with you.
I understand it's incredibly personal, but I would love you to come with me.
I want to find out how the movie ends.
And begins? And begins.
Bernadette home? Nope.
You know, you got a lot of good stuff going on.
Great partner, cool kids.
Yeah, I know.
I'm grateful for all of it.
You don't need me, but I need you.
I blew it, man.
I'm sorry.
It won't happen again.
Just let this coat dry and I'll come and finish it tomorrow.
See you.
I never got around to telling you I think you got a really good face for radio.
Is that the best you can do? Herbert! Hello! Will you play hide-and-seek with us? Oh, no, I've gotta go.
Oh, come on.
Wouldn't want to disappoint two beautiful girls, would you? Alright, maybe one game.
You hide, I'll seek.
Go, go! One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten! Hi! Hey! Ready or not, here I come! Oh, my God, I love it.
It's perfect! Who chose the colour? Herb.
Looks great, doesn't it? Yeah! Thank you! And thank you.
No worries.
Hey, congratulations on your big win too.
I thought we should celebrate.
Does make you wonder who else they had on, though.
Accept that I am a good joke-teller! Herbert, Herbert, come with us! I've I've gotta go and hide.
I want you to accept that I am a good joke teller.
Or what? Or I will tell you a long joke every day for the rest of our lives.
- You're a great joke-teller! - Anyone home? Hello? Hey! Hi! Good on you! Thank you.
$1,000! Here's that box you wanted.
I'm trying to find the missing piece of the puzzle.
So, what do you imagine your birth mother to be like? I don't dare to imagine, 'cause chances are she's probably dead, and she might have been dead for 30 years.
Yeah, but if she is alive, you might find you've got a lot in common.
I hope so.
More than we do.
What do you mean? Mum, there's no competition.
You're my mum.
You've given me everything.
Nothing will change that.
I know.
I know.
You go to Vietnam, find what you're looking for.
Oh, Mum, don't cry.
I'll cry! Where did Ewan get these? One of his contacts at World Vision.
Hang on a minute.
This is the same little top.
This is you! Wow! I I can't believe it.
Yes, I can see it now.
It IS you, all alone.
My beautiful girl.
Chai Li, Chai Li.
We can't find him.
Oh, OK.
Come on, I think I know where he's gone.
There he is.
He's asleep in your bed.
Let's let him sleep.
Come on, back to the house.
The last time I was called up in front of all you people was for mooning Mrs Easdale in the Media Studies room.
You'd end up being the famous one.
Funny that it turned out to be Herb.
Matt Don't you ever bring that woman here again.
Do you feel proud of yourself for stealing my husband and now my child? Matt did a dumb thing, but he loves his son.
It was a lot more than 'a dumb thing', Chai Li.
Where's Carmody? He was just here.
Have you seen a little boy in a blue vest? Kid in a blue vest, have you?