The Time Traveler's Wife (2022) s01e06 Episode Script

Episode Six

1
I hate video.

Most people love nostalgia.

That's why they love video, but
you know, I'm just thinking maybe
you don't even know what video is.

Maybe these are nostalgia for you now.

Nostalgia for a time
traveler is a bear trap.

Memories are basically trapdoors, but
no, I've already told you that before
Okay.
Okay.
Shit.

Henry?
Henry? Are you back?
Henry?
I'm gettin' married in the morning ♪
Ding, dong ♪
The bells are gonna chime ♪
Pull out the stopper ♪
Let's have a whopper ♪
But get me to the church on time ♪
I got to be there in the morning ♪
Spruced up and lookin' in my prime ♪
Girls, come and kiss me ♪
Show how you'll miss me ♪
But get me to the church on time ♪
If I am dancing ♪
Roll up the floor ♪
If I am whistling
me out the door ♪
When I get married in the morning ♪
Ding, dong ♪
The bells are gonna chime ♪
Kick up a rumpus ♪
But don't lose the compass ♪
And get me to the church ♪
Clare?
Henry?
- What's that music?
- What music?
The the song?
Oh, it's just my mom.

Garden party.
She's playing records.

She loves stupid old musicals.

It's embarrassing.

Don't you want your shoes?
What's wrong?
Nothing.
Just, uh, memories.

Because of the song?
Yeah.
Because of the song.

Well, what are you remembering?
Shoe polish day.

Feather and tar me ♪
Call out the Army ♪
- But get me to the church ♪
- Get me to the church ♪
Oh, for God's sake ♪
Get me to the church on time! ♪
Annette, will you have this
man to be your husband,
and will you be faithful to him
as long as you both shall live?
I will.

Richard, will you have this
woman to be your wife?
Will you love her, comfort
her, honor and keep her,
in sickness and in health, as
long as you both shall live?
I will.

Now that Richard and Annette
have given themselves to one another
by solemn vows and the joining of hands
and the giving and receiving of rings,
I pronounce that they
are husband and wife
in the name of the
Father, and of the Son,
and of the Holy Spirit.

Henry!
-
- Dad!
Dad!
Hey.

- You want me to turn that off?
- No.

Yeah, I'm not gay.

If that's what you're thinking,
I'm not I'm not gay.

There were two of you.

Yeah, and the other one's gone.

Are you hearing me, Dad?
If you're thinking I'm gay,
I'm not I'm not.

- That's not what was happening.

- Henry
Look, in my circumstances,
I have a particular opportunity,
and I think that if more people
had the opportunity, I think
Henry, I don't care if you're gay!
I'm a professional musician,
everybody's gay!
There were two of you.

Okay.
So, Dad, the thing is
I I'm a time traveler.

It's true.

I'm a time traveler.

I travel in time.

Sometimes there are two of
me, because I meet myself.

Which, as I'm trying to explain to you,
presents a person with a
particular opportunity
You're a what?
Yeah.
It's true.
Sorry.
It's just true.

- It's all water.

- It's not all water.

No it is.

You know, I should probably cut down.

A time traveler?
All those times at school
when I was disappearing,
I wasn't skipping class.

I was time traveling.

I couldn't help it.

Why do you say things like that?
- It's true.

- Why do you say stupid things like that!
- Dad!
- Why can't you just tell the truth?
You kissed her in the rain.

Mom.

The very first time.

You stood outside of
her apartment block.

And when she walked inside,
you did a little dance.

You didn't think anyone could
see you.
You were wrong.

I could see you.

I danced too.

I'm a time traveler,
and I saw my parents' first kiss.

Can I turn that off now?
I I can hear Mom's voice.

I
I like hearing her voice.

So do I.
But it's just video.

I hate video.

You hate what?
What does that even
mean, you "hate video"?
- Everyone has a wedding video.

- Oh, okay, let's be everyone.

-
- What an ambition.

I mean what what is it
we're doing here exactly?
Looking at floral displays.

- Why?
- To see which ones we prefer.

How is a preference possible?
They're flowers.

It's literally decorating
with vegetables.

It'll be something to remind us.

- What will? The vegetables?
- The video.

It'll be nice to look back.

I don't need to look back, Clare.

- I go back.

- I don't.

- God, I'm bored.

- Yeah, so you keep saying.

Well, I'm planning to say
it a few more times too,
because, basically, I'm bored.

Can't we just remember it?
If people have videos,
all they ever remember
is watching the video.

I'm so bored
that I'm growing new parts of my brain
- to be bored in.

- We're having a video.

- You don't have to watch it.

- Do I have to be in it?
Well, there has to be a groom,
I'm increasingly open to suggestions.

Are you a bit grumpy today, Henry?
- No.

- He time traveled in his sleep last night.

- Makes him cranky.

- Christ, I'm not cranky!
Where did you go?
Uh, I don't know.
It was a quick one.

- Past or future?
- Future, I think.

Because the air was thinner, right?
- No.
The TV was huge.

- Awesome.

How many people for the top table?
Henry, is your dad gonna bring someone?
I mean, is he, you know, seeing anybody?
Sorry.

I just keep forgetting my
dad's gonna be there.

Well, of course he's gonna be there.

I know.

I'm looking forward to meeting him.

Who?
Your dad.

Oh.

Okay.

Have you forgotten that's
what we're doing tomorrow?
No, no.

Why do you avoid him?
I don't.
I see him.

I mean, hardly ever.

Yeah, well, he drinks too much.

Well, I'm sure that's not the only
thing you've got in common.

It's not.

When he looks at me, all he
sees is his wife not there.

And when I look at him, I'm just
thinking where the hell Mom is.

That's not the basis for a relationship.

It's the basis for a drinking habit.

Clare!
- You okay?
- Yeah.

You were gone most of the night.

Well, it was about two minutes for me.

Well, where were you? Was it a bad one?
No, it was fine, it was nothing.

Okay.

Good.

So you can get in the shower now, yeah?
Are we going somewhere?
You know where we're going.

You never thought of seeing a doctor?
Getting yourself examined?
Christ, no.

- Why not?
- It's that word "examined.
"
It's a little too close to "dissected.
"
They're not gonna dissect you!
I'm the only time
traveler on the planet.

They'd never let me go home again.

- Yes, they would.

- Why?
Because I'm here now,
and because I'm who you come home to,
and I'm not ever gonna let anyone
keep you away from me.

Fact.

Look at my face.

Fact.

That was "I love you,"
but in more words.

Ah.
You see, there it is.

- There what is?
- You.

Look at you.

All beautiful and perfect
and in love with me.

Now, I've got happiness.

- Oh, you poor thing.

- Full-blown happiness.

- Like an alarm bell.

- What? You're against happiness?
Happiness is suddenly having
an opinion about a future.

- Yes, it is.

- Which is a mistake.

Henry, I love you and you love me.

Now, I don't want to get all
"greetings card" about it,
but I happen to think, and
I'm not exactly alone in this,
but I happen to think that love
is what gives meaning to life,
and is the single best thing
that could happen to a human being.

Love is what gives hope to mortals.

It's the cruelest thing I know.

Okay.
So what's good about this
is that we are not gonna
be writing our own vows.

Hey, Dad.

Yeah, I know.
Long time no see.

Guess your luck just ran out.

Yes.
Welcome.

- Hello.

- Hi.

- Uh, Clare, this is my dad.

- Very pleased to meet you.

You're not blonde.

No.

Clare Abshire.

Not blonde and he knows your last name?
You getting married?
Beautiful.

- Wasn't she?
- Both of you.

May I ask you a question?
- Sure.

- You seem quite lovely.

What on earth is your interest in Henry?
Well, to be honest he's
exceptionally good in bed.

Well, I know he thinks so.

It was an opportunity.

I think anyone given the same
opportunity would've, you know.

- We got a date yet?
- October 23rd.

My parents are planning like
we're invading somewhere.

Church, reception at the yachting club,
and white tie is being considered.

- White tie?
- Didn't I tell you that?
What yachting club?
Always remember, Henry, a
marriage is about two people,
but a wedding is about
exactly one woman.

And you are marrying her daughter.

You liked him, didn't you?
He reminded me of you.

- Was that a yes or a no?
- Both.

Both
Fuck!
I think this is exactly the
place you're looking for.

There are a few items
of furniture still here
they'll be picked up
over the next few days.

Can we look at the work area first?
- The studio?
- Of course!
- Why do you always do this?
- Do what?
Go straight to a window
and look at the backyard.

You never even look at
the rest of the house.

The studio is this way.

Could you give us a moment, please?
- Of course.

- Thanks.

The studio's gonna be great.

- This is the one.

- We haven't even seen it yet.

Oh, I've seen it lots of times.

This is the house we are
gonna live in, in the future.

See that tree out there?
I have seen that tree
at every kind of height.

What if I feel like deciding for myself?
Oh, you should do that.
But this is
the decision you're gonna make.

Is anything allowed to
be spontaneous anymore?
You are being spontaneous.

I'm just telling you how your
spontaneity is gonna work out.

Do you have any idea what
it's like being married to you?
No, but neither do you.

Technically we're not married.

- Fair point.

- Hmm.

Come on.

Let's go and look at this
excellent studio space
which you are gonna love spontaneously.

How do we even afford a place like this?
Are you planning on winning the lottery?
Okay.

- Okay?
- Lottery's tonight, eight o'clock.

- So?
- I wasn't talking to you.

- Who were you talking to?
- Just a ghost.

The most exciting event
today is the lottery,
Illinois's favorite jackpot game.

Once again, the last
three numbers are 20,
3, and finally is number 15, everyone.

Good luck, everybody, and good night.

It's getting to be every night.

You sleeping at all?
Not much.

It's nice you've started
coming around again.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah.
I'm wondering if you,
uh, got tranquilizers.

Like, maybe you started taking something
when, uh, sorry, Mom died?
Tranquilizer.

Yeah, well, I can't spend my
whole wedding day drunk.

What's the problem?
I'm time traveling a lot at the moment.

'Cause I'm stressing.

And if I stress at the wedding,
I could flip out.

Everybody flips out at their wedding.

Yeah, but when I flip out,
I end up naked at a hoedown in 1987.

All right? I need drugs.

I need something that's
gonna calm me down
for the whole day and not
turn me into a f zombie.

Go to a doctor.

- We've been through that.

- And I keep telling you,
there isn't some secret
government agency
- dissecting American citizens.

- How do you know?
Because it's the kind of thing
that only happens in movies.

So is time travel.

- You okay?
- Yeah.

I'm fine.

Where were you?
Nowhere interesting.

You used to tell me.
Why'd you stop?
What's this?
It's nothing.

My mom gave it to me when I was little.

For all my precious jewelry.

Just saying.

It's happened before.

Yeah, well, this is different.

But going to the same
place over and over again.

- Like your mother's death?
- Bad memories are trapdoors.

But now, it's the future
I'm worried about,
so that's where I wind up.

Hey, can you come with me for a second?
- Uh, yeah, sure.

- Thank you.

Hang on, Dad.

Okay, so I need your
opinion on something.

Sure.

Preference!
Do you have a preference?
- Between those?
- Mm-hmm.

What do you think?
Uh
Couldn't you just have one opinion
about one single thing we buy together?
Which one do you like?
I want to know which ones you like.

That one.

- That one?
- Yeah, that one.

Definitely that one?
Yeah.
That's the one I
like better, for sure.

- Not that one?
- Yeah, that one.

- Okay, great.

- Ms.
Abshire?
Hi.

Could you please bring out
the Vivekin serving plates?
- Mm-hmm.

- I'm gonna wait here, thank you.

- Hey, Dad.

- Hey.

It's nice you've started calling me.

Yeah, well, I'm worried.

It's nice I'm who you call
when you're worried.

Uh, actually, it's worse than worried.

It's hope.

I'm so full of hope.

You all right?
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey!
Hey, hey, hey, hey.

Stop stressing, okay?
We're gonna get married and
it's gonna be fine, okay?
We're so glad you could come.

-
- Thanks for hosting this.

Of course.
I just wanted to tell you
that really your, uh, your wife,
she was such a marvelous singer.

Such a talent.
We both
thought so.
Don't we?
Oh, it it was an honor
to see her perform.

- Yes.

- It really was.

Well, that's kind of you.
That's
very kind.
She was wonderful.

Oh, we've got a joke thing.

It it's a fun thing.

It's really sort of an in-joke.

Yeah, people won't find it funny,
but they'll be totally wrong.

If nobody laughs at a joke,
did the joke really happen?
- Yes.

- Are you sure?
I make a lot of jokes like that.

- Good jokes?
- Great jokes.

- How do you know?
- Comedic instinct.

- But nobody laughs.

- Some people don't have my instinct.

A lot of people?
- So many.

- Where is Henry?
I'd love to meet your fiancé.

Oh, yeah.
Uh, excuse me, thanks.

Is something wrong?
Are we still talking about the wedding?
Honey.
Try to understand.

This wedding is a major
Broadway production.

I mean, my parents are
planning a festival of joy
that will dwarf the achievements
of all their friends
and cripple the social ambition
of everyone they love.

I mean, they have used the
words "shock and awe.
"
They literally want other
peoples' weddings canceled
in actual despair.
Now, we
can't take that from them.

Aren't you worried that
I might just disappear?
That I might time travel
during the ceremony
and just leave you at the altar.

- I know you won't.

- How?
'Cause I know we're
married in the future.

What are you reading?
The Physician's Desktop Journal.

Oh! Sexy.
What's in it?
- Drugs.

- You do drugs?
Eh, I had my moments, back in the day.

- Oh!
- What?
- Uh, nothing!
- Nothing?
Yeah, I I gotta go.

I gotta make a phone call.

- Wait, you're on your phone now?
- Thanks for understanding.

- Love you, bye.

- I
Hey.

Love is not for you ♪
What's good for the gander ♪
Gotta be good for the groove ♪
Jesus Christ.

Henry?
Gomez?
- What are you doing here?
- Client.
How about you?
- I'm just, uh, meeting a friend.

- Huh.

Did, uh, Clare get you to follow
me 'cause she was worried?
If I was following you, I'd
come up with a better lie
- than a client in this place.

- No, that's about your level.

- Huh.

- Oh, hey, Henry.

- This your guy?
- Oh, yeah.

Hey.

Hey.

Henry, sorry.
Business.

- Hey.

- Hey.

Oh, uh, Gomez, this is
an old friend of mine
from, basically library school.

- Ben, this is Gomez.

- Hey, Gomez.

- He's a lawyer.

- Fuck.

Uh, that was an unrelated thought,
which accidentally emitted.

Okay.
Busy, busy.
Catch you later.

Well done on not looking at all guilty.

That was both subtle and awesome.

- So how you feeling?
- AIDS.

Well, that's what I was asking about.

Uh, ten pills a day, and they work,
but I think I've lost more hair.

- Yeah.
Uh, speaking of pills
- What do you want?
- After all these years of ignoring me?
- Come on.
We're men.

Ignoring each other is the
medium of our friendship.

What do you want?
Well, I'm, uh I'm not
looking for fun this time.

I want the opposite.
To stay
in one spot for nine hours
without stressing out
and time traveling.

- Ugh.
You're still doing that?
- Still doing it.

What's gonna stress
you out for nine hours?
- My wedding day.

- I should call Evangeline.

- Evangeline?
- I promised to get her cat food,
- I forgot.

- Why is that relevant?
It's not.
It just came to mind.

Could you maybe focus?
I need something to
KO every dopamine receptor I
got for at least nine hours.

- You got anything for that?
- Mm.

- What's that?
- Morphine plus.

Morphine plus what?
Morphine plus none of your business.

- Can I try it?
- Now?
- Oh, God, no.

- Wh why not?
Because I might do it badly,
'cause I'm nervous.

You cut hair for a living.

What's the worst that can happen?
- I could stab your brain.

- What's that?
- What's what?
- That song?
The radio.

Yeah, but that song, I know that song.

What are you doing?
Um, it's just a thing.

"A thing"?
You have the most irresponsible
attitude to pharmaceuticals
of anyone I ever met.

I make a suggestion,
I show you a pill,
a sensible person is not
supposed to just swallow it.

I know you're in there.

I know my friend is too.

Open up, please.

- Wh why what do you want?
- What you gotta know?
I'm a lawyer, who has
clients in this area,
and I know exactly who
you are, and what you do.

None of this is good news.

But it will be even worse news,
if you don't open this door!
Sure.

Okay, and what you gotta know is,
sometimes there are side effects
which are not directly
the fault of the vendor.

Shit.

You don't make decisions like that,
- not on your own!
- I didn't have a choice!
- I know what happens!
- You have to come to me,
- and we talk about it!
- Why?
That is what wives and husbands do!
- Fuck you!
- Fuck you!
I will never forgive
you for this, Henry!
Oh, thank fuck! Where
the hell have you been?
That's not the point!
I know what happened!
And you wouldn't talk to your wife?
- You're not my fucking wife!
- I'm your cat?
- Fuck you!
- Fuck you!
I will never forgive you!
Henry.
Hey.
Hey, hey, Henry! Henry!
- Henry, you okay?
- What are you doing here?
I called him, I thought
maybe he could help.

My Dad? What the fuck does he know?
I figured he's gotta know something.

You're getting married in seven hours.

- I was freaking out.

- Seven hours?
- You've been gone a whole day.

- Are you okay, huh?
Can you hang on? Doesn't
usually work this way.

Yeah, well he's not usually high.

Just to be clear,
I am not a drug dealer.

I supply unauthorized medical
care to the genuinely ill.

- You're also a drug dealer.

- It's a matter of emphasis.

Dad.

Go away.

-
- Please.
Just go away.

Of course I told her.
How could I not?
Well, she hates me.

She said I was basically a murderer,
so yeah, I guess you could
say it went down badly.

Sorry, David, I got to go.

No.

Just a ghost.

- Why did you call me a ghost?
- You are a ghost.

From where I'm sitting.

Let's see, when are you from?
Before the wedding?
Worrying about the future?
- Haunting it?
- Why is Clare crying?
- Because people do sometimes.

- No.

She's not people, she's your wife.

- Why is your wife crying?
- No, she isn't.

I just saw her.
I just spoke to her.

She isn't my wife.

Technically speaking.

Sorry, junior.
You tried, but
you couldn't stick the landing.

Speaking of which.

Miscarriages?
I make time travel babies,
and guess what?
Time travel right out of the womb.

- Oh, God.

- Yeah.

What have you done?
I know you've done something.

Whatever it is, Clare hates you
for it, you just said so yourself.

Do you have any idea
what this has been like?
Every time she gets pregnant
every time
she thinks this is the one.

This time, it'll happen.

She's so full of hope.

She's so happy, it fills
up this whole house.

And I always know it won't work.

It won't ever, ever, work.

And do you know how
long I've known that?
Since I was standing on the
other side of this desk.

Since I was you.

You had a vasectomy?
- Yeah.

- You didn't even tell her?
You just went ahead and did it?
- Yeah.
That's what I did.

- I'm not gonna do that.

That's exactly what you're gonna do.

How long are you here for, junior?
My memory's a little fuzzy.

Hey.
Did you hear me?
I'm not gonna do that.

Of course, you're high.

That probably explains it.

- I will never do that to Clare.

- No, you will do exactly that,
because that's what happens
and you can't change it!
- Fuck you!
- Oh, what, you're gonna change it?
You can't change it!
Fucking doofus, can't change anything.

- Yeah, well, I'm changing this.

- Fuck off!
You couldn't even get married.

Henry? Who are you shouting at?
Jesus.

You like cutting it fine, don't you?
- You all right?
- Yeah.

You all right? Yeah?
Hello?
Clare, it's me, let me in.

- Henry?
- He's back, we got him.

Oh, thank Christ!
I'll get him to the church.

Okay, okay, good.
Thank you.

Gomez, look at him.

Yeah, I see him.
We need to get going.

Look at him.

It's the wrong Henry.

Well, now, isn't this complicated?
Thank you.
Sorry, thank you.

Sorry.

- I'll get you a towel.

- Please.

- Oh, shit.

- Yeah.

- You're
- Yup.

- Here.

- Thanks.

- Did you just punch my husband?
- You're welcome.

Oh, Christ.
No, not tonight.

Fuck.
I can't take this, not tonight.

Look, I know how hard this is.

I know this is difficult.

No, you don't understand.

- I'm not ready for this.

- Ready for what?
It's shoe polish day.

Shoe polish what?
It's shoe polish day.

We need the other one back.

Where's the other one?
- And what age are you anyway?
- Thirty-six by the calendar year.

- Hey, am I still there?
- Where?
- When you're 36.

- Yeah.

- We played pool last Tuesday.

- Thanks, man.

Shoe polish! I need shoe polish!
- Shoe polish?
- Why?
Well, I'm guessing none of you
guys are carrying hair dye.

No offense, but your
husband's an asshole.

True.
Remind me.

Why don't you like watching videos?
The past is a hole I keep falling down.

Looking at it gives me vertigo.

Well, this isn't the past.

This is right now.

- How is this ever gonna work?
- Relax.

I know how this plays out.

I handle the wedding,
then I ping back home.

Then junior pings back here,
and he handles the marriage.

- He won't be married.

- Well, technically, no.

Well.

What do you think, Dad? Do I pass?
Your mother would be proud.

Well, that's all that matters, right?
You okay?
The way you look at me.

What?
Like you haven't seen me in a while.

- Dad, I I know that
- Your mother would be proud,
and so am I.

Okay! Let's get moving, hmm?
- Hey, Dad.

- Hmm?
- Was it worth it?
- Getting married? Of course it is.

No, no.

Serious thing, serious question.

What I'm asking is, was marrying
Mom worth losing her?
This isn't about me.

It's about Clare.
I'm aging
faster than I should,
and I've seen enough of the future
to know that I'm not gonna
make it all the way, so
for Clare's sake.

Was marrying Mom worth losing her?
- That's a big question.

- Well, it's a big day.

Yeah.

It wasn't easy
but it was worth it.

Thanks.

Because of you.

I don't say it enough, but it
was worth it because of you.

Give her a child.

If you can't stay, do that.

Give her a child.

Well, there might be
a problem with that.

Problems can be solved.

Not this one, Dad.

Guys, come on.
I gotta
get you to the church.

- Yeah.
We're coming.

- On time!
- Oh, I know.

- There's kind of a joke about that.

You'll see.
Come on.

I know about the joke, Gomez.

I've watched the video.

I mean, what's the point of this?
I'm not gonna show up.
I'm not
No.
You have gotta be shitting me.

- You have got to be shitting me.

- Hmm.

What the fuck is he doing there?
- He's getting married.

- Yeah.
To my girlfriend!
Keep in mind, he remembers
watching these videos.

- Why?
- Asshole.

Oh, nice.

Classy.
Very classy.
In a church!
He'll remember that too.

Yeah, you make quite an
impression on the cameraman.

Hi.

I'm so sorry.
We're running very late,
we're gonna have to bring
the bride in straight away.

Oh, yeah.
No problems.

Just lock and load!
All right, remember, don't let anyone
get a good look at you
in case they notice
how old and shitty you are.

Oh, thanks, Gomez.

Way to calm my nerves.

Oh, don't be nervous, you'll crinkle.

I thought you'd be angrier.

I am angry.

I'm gonna be angry for a very long time.

Now shut up and admire my dress.

Thanks, Dad.

Yep.
Now she's getting it.

- Where is he?
- You look amazing.

You smell of shoe polish.

- You must be glad I hit him.

- Why?
I saw your face.
I saw you fighting.

- You you hated him.

- Dearly beloved
- we have come together into the house
- No, I never hate him.

I mean, I could punch his stupid,
thoughtless little face in,
but I could never hate him.

What's he doing?
Remembering.

- I love you.

- Clare and Henry.

- Asshole.

- Have you come here,
to enter into marriage without coercion,
freely and wholeheartedly?
- I have.

- I have.

Are you prepared to accept
children, lovingly from God?
And to bring them up,
according to the law of Christ
- and his church?
- I am.

I am.

I hate what he did to you.

Oh, he did what he thought he had to.

I guess 'cause he thought
I couldn't take it anymore.

- And
- I, Henry
well, because he
definitely couldn't.

Thing is, I wanted children.

I wanted your children more
than anything in the world.

- And I want that too.

- No.

- In sickness and in health
- You gave up after five tries.

until death do us part.

I would never have given up.

I would have done anything.

So how are you gonna forgive me?
I, Clare, take you, Henry
I guess I'm gonna have
to figure that one out.

To have and to hold
from this day forward.

For better, for worse
But I'm supposed to make you happy.

In sickness and in health
Who told you that?
To love and to cherish,
until death do us part.

Oh! Look at that face.

How old are you now? Twenty-eight?
Yeah.

Twenty-eight.

Mm.

Hey, I'm the older woman.

Finally! I like this.

Henry, we're not supposed
to make each other happy.

If we do, great, but
that's not the point.

We're getting married.

Not going on a hot date, or a vacation,
or a weekend away somewhere,
but, actually getting married.

I mean, look at us.

Look.

Do we look like we're
gonna go on vacation?
It's like
like setting sail, into a storm.

And you know for a fact,
you both won't make
it out the other side.

So what do you do?
You cling on for as long as you can,
because you know, that this is
as good as anything ever gets.

Make my happy days happier
make my sad days bearable.

And if you forgive me when I hurt you,
I'll try to do the same for you.

Deal?
Okay.

I miss you.

- Uh, sorry, what?
- I miss you.

You you young, angry, asshole you.

Did I make you change?
Did I chase you away?
- Well, uh, I
- Come see me sometimes.

- Excuse me?
- Well, if you time travel here,
come see me.

You're my husband, I'm entitled.

- Isn't that, uh a bit
- Henry, we're married.

I now pronounce you man and wife.

You may now kiss the bride.

Don't worry.
Junior
will be back in a bit.

I've missed you.

- Hey there, comrade.

- Ah.
Here comes the funny.

I'm gettin' married in the mornin' ♪
Ding dong! ♪
The bells are gonna chime ♪
Pull out the stopper ♪
Let's have a whopper ♪
But get me to the church on time! ♪
I've gotta be there in the mornin' ♪
She's getting married! ♪
Spruced up ♪
And lookin' in my prime ♪
Looking in her prime! ♪
Boys, come and kiss me ♪
Show how you'll miss me ♪
But get me to the church on time! ♪
If I am dancing ♪
Roll up the floor ♪
If I am whistling
me out the door! ♪
For I'm gettin' married
in the morning ♪
Ding dong! ♪
The bells are gonna chime ♪
Ding-ding ding dong! ♪
Kick up a rumpus ♪
But don't lose the compass ♪
And get me to the church ♪
Get me to the church ♪
For Pete's sake ♪
Get me to the church ♪
-
- On time ♪
No, but it's too weird.

It's a weird idea,
me coming to see you now and then.

I mean, I'm just him.

I'm just basically the guy
who got a vasectomy.

Not yet you're not.

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