The Umbrella Academy (2019) s03e07 Episode Script

Auf Wiedersehen

1
- Now, you be firm this time, okay?
- Yes, dear.

Oh!
- You wanna
- I just
Sorry.
Try not to Excuse me.

They're my real family.

Do you even love me?
They're my real family.

Do you even love me?
Do you even love me?
You know you can't be in here.

You took away my briefcase, Herblet.

I have nowhere else to go.

It's a new regime, Lila.

- They're my real family.

- And they're calling for your head.

Do you even love me?
Oh, I get it.

Ding-dong, the bitch is dead,
so make her daughter pay instead?
Not exactly fair.

That's
Um, we can drop you off
in any time period
Fine.

West Berlin.

Uh, sehr gut.

- Okay.

- Look at it.

That's a bullet.

Auf Wiedersehen.

Oh, you clever thing.

Look who found Mother's
little escape plan.

Whatever's chasing you,
Lila darling, keep running.

Don't stop for a normal life.

"Normal" isn't meant for girls like us.

And remember, trust no one.

Except for me.

XO, Mom.

Keep walking!
Hey.

Can I borrow your sledgehammer?
Let's get started.

Where's your mum?
She left with the bass player.

Mm-hmm?
When's she coming back?
A week.

She does this sometimes
with bass players.

We followed one here
from Atlanta, and
Mums are the worst.

Tell me about it.

I'll be fine though.

You don't gotta stay.

Neither do you.

Hey.

What do you say you and I go to America
and terrorize an old friend of mine?
Could be fun.

Hmm
Sure.
I'm down.

Cool.

If you wanna go ♪
And take a ride wit me ♪
We three-wheeling ♪
In the fo' wit the gold D's ♪
- Oh, why do I live this way? ♪
- Hey! ♪
Must be the money! ♪
If you wanna go and get high wit me ♪
Smoke a L in the back of the Benz-E ♪
Oh, why must I live this way? ♪
Hey! Must be the money! ♪
Must be the money! ♪
Oh.
What the hell, old man?
Did you kill me and lock
me in the trunk of your car?
I did indeed.
And you
remained dead for 22 minutes.

Totally vulnerable!
I could have taken
every one of your organs.

- Why?
- The point is, if the world is truly ending,
then you're running out of
time to master your gifts.

Oh!
- We have work to do!
- No, Dad!
Did you tell him?
Who, Viktor?
Not yet.

Man.

He is not gonna take this well.

- I did what had to be done.

- I'm just saying.

Should've been a family decision.

And which family is that, Brutus?
Nice uniform, by the way.

You look like an un-popped zit.

Should we find you
someone to talk to?
I'm fine.
You're the one
having an identity crisis.

Oh, really? Is "fine" what you call
what you did to me at the hotel?
Luther.

Ben is calling a family meeting.

Oh, right.
Yeah, good.
Agreed.

Both families.

Do you think you could get
your people to work together?
Oh, you're being serious.
Um
Uh
I'm in.

She's in.
Okay.

What the hell are you doing? Stanley
is gone! We need to face this!
Just check the chimney!
He's not in the bloody
chimney! He's been Kugelblitzed!
Whose fault is that, huh? You're
the one that brought him here!
Congratulations.
You're
both mildly terrible parents.

Can we focus? Come on.
How
did this thing open before?
I don't know.
It was already kinda open.

"Already kinda open.
"
Diego, you should have been an
engineer.
It's a lost opportunity.

Why'd you wanna go in there
anyway? It's just sushi and death.

When we met future me
in the Commission bunker,
I warned myself about Oblivion.

- Now, Pogo told me
- Wait, whoa, whoa!
- Pogo's alive?
- Different Pogo, but yes.

The monkey said Dad spent
years training the Sparrows
for some kind of
super-secret mission into
Oblivion?
So, I come back here and find
that you two sentient STDs
have actually been in there.

Everything's leading to Oblivion.

So we have to go in there.

- Hell no! Not happening.

- No way! We barely got out alive.

Yeah? So what? This is
about more than just you two.

Says the guy with all his fingers.

I didn't get this by giving
a mummy a hand job, all right?
I went in there, and I lost my
fingers to this thing with
with a knife and on a chain.

Hey, look, Diego might be 90%
moron and 10% pelvic thrusts,
but he's right about Oblivion, okay?
We're not just gonna waltz back
in there just because you say so.

Good.
Because you're coming with us.

This should be interesting.

- Where to?
- Sparrow Academy.

The world's ending,
so I think it's time we
put our petty bullshit aside
and work together on this Kugelblitz.

Yeah? Or what?
Or Stanley won't be the
last of us to disappear.

Come on.

Lovely to meet you.

Stabbed herself in the eye.

Welcome.

Please make yourselves at home.

Bitch, this is our home.

- Excuse me?
- Uh, jellybean?
Where the hell is Viktor and Klaus?
With our luck, probably
Kugelblitzed by now.

- You're a dark little dude sometimes.

- Ooh, what happened to your hand?
We don't have time for idle
chitchat.
Everyone, sit down.

"Please" would be nice.

No.

So, uh This is kinda nice, right?
All of us here together.

One big happy family.

- I feel like I'm sweaty.
Am I sweating?
- No, you're fine.

Look, I know there's
been bad blood between us.

Whatever.
Bygones, right?
Question?
Yeah, if I kill you,
do we get our Ben back?
Hypothetically.

Keep talking, and your hand
won't be the only thing bleeding.

Okay, if the testosterone
twins are done,
I'd like to get back to a plan.

Where is he?
Viktor.

What did you do to Harlan?
They didn't do anything.

I did.

I killed Harlan.

What
I I don't I don't understand.

- Why?
- Because he didn't deserve to live.

What? Because they said so?
You don't have to listen to them.

20 bucks on the little one.

They don't get to tell us what to do.

I'll take that action.

You coulda talked to me.
We
could've figured out something else.

So, what, you could lie to
us again and take his side?
That's not what happened.

Oh, no, that's exactly what happened.

I know Harlan killed all of our mothers.

- What?
- Whoa.

- What?
- Shit.

Bloody plot twist.

Who told you that?
Harlan.

After you lied about it to my face.

Is that true, Viktor?
Harlan started all this?
Yeah, but he didn't mean
to hurt anyone.
He
How do you know?
Because I knew him.

And he was sweet and kind
until I made him like us.

Okay? So, I screwed him up.

And if you need someone
to blame, I'm right here
What makes you think I don't?
This wasn't about saving the world.

This was about hurting me.

Payback for
Go on.

Say her name.

You know what? Maybe we should
all just take a minute Okay.

- Did killing Harlan bring Claire back?
- Did protecting him bring Sissy back?
- It was just as personal for you
- I didn't kill anyone!
But you risked everyone! Do
you know what that felt like?
Watching you fight
harder to protect the man
who helped destroy my daughter
than you ever did to bring her back?
I don't know how to bring Claire back.

Okay? No one does.
But
I was there for you.

- I tried.
I was
- To what?
Help me grieve?
God, this whole family is so
quick to tell me to suck up my pain
and so worried about fixing yours!
Somebody had to pay
because you never seem to.

Destroy the world, kill
Pogo, almost kill me,
and for what?
So we can all run around
and clean up your mess?
I'm sick of it.

Take it easy, Allison.

- Okay, I
- Shut your mouth!
Allison.

Every time I build a
new life for myself,
you end the world and take it from me!
How are you doing this without
saying, "I heard a rumor"?
Just a little residual gift from Harlan.

All right, that's it.
Knock
off the power shit, Allison.

It's not okay!
We should have left you in the basement.

Whoa! Allison, all right!
You okay?
I'm fine.

Let's continue.

Sweet.

You guys fight just like us.

Nah, man.

We don't fight like this.

So tell me.
What do
we like to do together?
For fun.

I don't understand the question.

Didn't we take any family
trips in your timeline?
With our dad?
Hell no.

That guy put the "dick" in dictator.

No, no.
It was all about
the missions with him.

Just mission after mission
How is it you don't understand
the first thing about your powers?
Did you learn nothing at the Academy?
Well, things kinda went sideways
at the ol' Academy early on.

How so?
Five got lost in time.

Just gone.

Ben died during the Jennifer incident.

- Tragic.

- Oh, tragic? I'm not finished.

You drugged your daughter.
For years.

You turned Luther into a
half-monkey moonboy freak thing.

You locked me in a box full of ghosts.

And then you killed yourself
so that none of us would
ever get any answers.

I see.

What I'm saying is, you
were a terrible father.

- Yes.
Picked that up.
Thank you.

- Good.

High time I made it up to you.

Starting now.

You just murdered me and stuffed
me in the trunk of your car.

- I have notes, Dad.

- Let's not quibble over details.

A new proposal.

I help you master your powers,
you stop blaming me for the
sins of your other father.

Allow us a new start.

All right, but I told you, I
can't control how long I'm dead.

It's just one of those
mystery-of-life things.

Nonsense.

- Dying well is a skill like any other.

- I'm telling you
You simply need the right
coach.
Do you trust me?
Yeah.
I trust you.

Near-immortality is
an unbelievable gift.

Yet, you come back to life
at unpredictable intervals
outside of your control, with
the reflexes of a wet noodle.

Thoroughly unable to defend
yourself or your team.

Somehow, you've turned an
asset into your liability.

Yeah, well, not that I
care about your opinion,
but if I were to improve myself,
how would I do it?
First, let's sharpen your
reflexes.
Practice makes perfect.

Stand there.

When you're fast enough
to catch this ball,
you will have succeeded.

Why not? Okay.

But just so you know,
I have the hand-eye
coordination of a drunk kitten.

See?
Ha-ha!
Klaus Hargreeves.
Reanimation training.

Trial commencing 1:15 p.
m.

Reanimation after death,
eighteen minutes, six seconds.

You tricked me.

See? Too slow!
Again!
You're a terrible father!
Again! Catch!
Eleven minutes and six seconds.

Better, but not good enough.

Concentrate, Klaus.

You can do it.
Again!
Nine minutes and twenty seconds.

It hurts.

I think you're getting
the hang of it, boy!
Again!
I think I figured this out.

Six minutes.

Four minutes.

Two minutes.
Excellent!
Faster.
Faster!
Faster.

See? Never doubted you.

Now you're ready.

Ready for what?
Beautiful, isn't it?
Oh, wow.

That's what took Stanley.

Along with a few other billion people.

Yeah, who I didn't know
and don't care about.

Right.
So it's all about you.

All of us are irrelevant.

This thing's gonna take
the whole damn universe.

What is it made of?
Micro black holes collapsing
at increasingly short intervals.

- Why aren't we getting sucked inside?
- We don't know.

You shouldn't exist here,
and neither should this.

An impossibility for an impossibility.

The universe is a sucker for balance.

Grace has been tracking the waves.

Next one is due in three hours.

- All right, so what do we do?
- We trap it.

- Dyson sphere?
- Yeah.

Okay.

Confinement factor?
0.
98 at peak energy flux.

Tensile strength?
UTS ceiling of 10,000 gigapascals.

- Should I be finding this hot?
- No!
- What do you think, Five?
- Could work.

Or we could all die horribly.

I'm in.

- You're not the one we need.

- Excuse you?
For this to work, we need
Sloane, Lila, Christopher, and
Viktor.

Of course.

You're family, Viktor.

And there's nothing
nothing that would
make me love you less.

What Whatever it is you came to say,
I'm not coming down to help
if Allison's still there.

Just came to get my jacket.

Have you been waiting for someone
to come chase after you this whole time?
Wow!
That's so embarrassing.

Well, it's official.
Our Ben was better.

So I'm told.

But didn't he die?
You know, people say we have egos,
but you're the real messy bitches.

Letting the world burn because
you're angry at your sister?
Outstanding.

- That's not what I'm doing.

- Don't care.

Won't matter much longer anyway.

In a few days, we'll
all be, uh, Kugel-toast.

And I guess Harlan will
have died for nothing.

Nice work.

Stop crying on my bedsheets, emo.

It's gross.

Come on.
I thought
we were gonna go home.

You have a gift you refuse to fully use.

Tell me.
Why do you, of
all people, fear the dead?
Oh, I don't know.

Maybe because some asshole
in the real world locked me
in a box of ghosts as
a kid, as a little kid.

Exactly! We can't change the
past, but we can confront it.

Here, your gift became your nightmare.

A man is not a man until he
slays the demons of his youth.

Oh yeah.
Good one, Obi-Wang,
but my demons are literal.

All the more reason to face them.

You lost something vital here.

It's time you take it back.

Just champagne.

Absolute wankers.

Speaking of wankers, uh
Any inside tips on how to
get your stupid brother to
accept my apology?
People don't want apologies.

They want confessions.

They want you to stand there and
list the shitty ways you've hurt them
so they know you understand.

Unless you're Viktor, in which
case nothing's ever good enough.

Yeah.
That was a bit exciting.

Um, how do you feel about all of
Fine.

I prefer the hoppy
bitterness of a good Guinness.

You know, I thought killing
Harlan would make me feel better.

Or worse.

Jesus, just something.

But
it didn't.

Or maybe you're feeling
everything all at once,
and it all just kind of cancels out.

No, I think I'm finally starting
to understand everything.

How do you mean?
Well, the way I see it, in a
few days, we'll all be dead.

Or in some new timeline
where Harlan probably
never even existed anyway.

It's all bullshit.

I mean, none of it none of it's real.

Nothing stays.

Shit.
You've got the spins.

Okay, look.

Fapping about with time travel,
it's a massive head
trip, I grant you, but
things are still real.

They're just moving by so fast,
you get dizzy with the changes.

It's like figure skaters
and their their triple Salchow
doggy-style whatever it is,
you gotta pick a focus point.

Something concrete to lock on to,
no matter what changes around you.

And what if I had one, and I lost her?
Then find another one.

Or you'll fall down.

We're ready.

Okay, how do we start?
Have you ever moved a nest of bees?
No, because that's weird.

You can't just pick it up.

You have to keep the nest calm
while you build a box around it,
and then you trap it.

One of those black holes inside
is vibrating at a different rate.

- I can feel them.

- Good.

Whatever happens, don't
let them speed up or change,
or everything will blow.

Don't shake the bees.
Got it.

Lila, when you're ready,
do exactly like Viktor.

Hey, what's she doing?
Using its own gravity to condense it.

That's pretty cool, huh?
You didn't tell me you were
building a prison for God.

Mom?
You have no right to do that.

We're a little busy here, Grace.

The day of vengeance was in my heart
What are you talking about?
and my year of redemption hath come.

Shit!
The day of vengeance was in my heart,
and my year of redemption hath come.

Get it together.

Get it together, you coward
Shit!
Hey, Mom, Mom, Mom!
It's Diego.
Don't make us hurt you.

- The day of vengeance was in my heart
- Whoa!
and my year of redemption hath come!
Lila, I need you.

Nothing personal.

Okay.

Onward ♪
Christian soldiers ♪
Marching ♪
As to war ♪
Christopher, now!
Over here!
Quickly.
What are you afraid of?
- The face-eating ghosts?
- No.

You're afraid of failure
so you refuse to even try.

Because you'd rather
quit than disappoint.

- Disappoint who?
- Me.

In any timeline,
I am simply far too brilliant a
teacher to have left you so untutored.

Conclusion, it was no accident.

I made you children feel small,
confused about your own powers
so that I could control you.

What? Why would you
Why would you do that?
Never mind that now.
Focus!
I witnessed you today.

Inside that overly manicured exterior,
you are a warrior.

It's these spirits that should fear you.

- How do I fight them?
- I don't know.

But I believe with all of my heart
that you do.

Show them.

Be everything I was
afraid to let you become.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay, fine.
I'll do it.

Well, aren't you a miracle?
Did it work?
Next Kugelwave in three, two,
one.

Ooh, let's go! ♪
Steve walks warily down the street ♪
With a brim pulled way down low ♪
Ain't no sound ♪
But the sound of his feet ♪
Machine guns ready to go ♪
Are you ready?
Hey, are you ready for this? ♪
Are you hanging on
the edge of your seat? ♪
Out of the doorway the bullets rip ♪
To the sound of the beat ♪
Yeah ♪
Another one bites the dust ♪
Another one bites the dust ♪
And another one gone ♪
And another one gone ♪
Another one bites the dust ♪
Hey ♪
Hey, I'm gonna get you too ♪
Another one bites the dust ♪
How do you think I'm gonna get along ♪
Without you when you're gone? ♪
You took me for
everything that I had ♪
And kicked me out on my own ♪
Are you happy? Are you satisfied? ♪
How long can you stand the heat? ♪
Out of the doorway the bullets rip ♪
To the sound of the beat ♪
Look out! ♪
Are you avoiding me?
Busted.

My travel guide?
I, uh, made you a new list.

It's all your favorite Italian
monuments that are still left standing,
color-coded by region, of course.

Nerd.

Well, you just saved the world.

You deserve to finally see it.

And I'd like to see it with you.

I, um
I made it myself.

I couldn't exactly find
a diamond on short notice,
but the stone is moon rock.

Um, I brought it back with me,
and I've kind of been keeping
it for a special occasion,
and, well, I
Luther, it's beautiful.

Sloane,
will you marry me?
Sorry about your robot mum.

- She wasn't my real one.

- Okay.

Sorry I lied to you about Stanley.

I miss him too, you know.

I liked that little
shit and his wonky ears.

He deserved better.

Yeah, he did.

Do you know why I brought him to you?
Because you're a sociopath?
No.

Because I'm a coward.

Dropping a kid in your lap and
seeing if you'd reject us and run
felt safer than telling you the truth.

Which is?
I'm pregnant, Diego.

Diego.

I'm pregnant.

I'll pee on whatever
stick you want later,
but for now, please, can you just
My mum put a bullet in my heart.

Did you know that?
Yeah.
Five told me.
How did you know?
Infinite Switchboard.

I missed your stupid face, so I
snuck in to get a glimpse of you.

And instead
Thing is,
I'm not gonna be very good
at this mother thing.

Apples and trees.

But I saw you with Stan,
and you're a good dad.

What do you want from me, Lila?
Okay.

Truth?
I think you should run from me.

I, um
I think I'm a bloody mess.

And I think that someone
who's who never had a family
is in no position to ask for one.

But that's what I want.

With you.

Can I think about it?
Yeah.

Of course.

Hey, want some company?
Sure.

Okay.

Hey, that was really nice of you.

Kill Mom so Diego didn't have to.

My God.
We are a weird
family, aren't we?
Sorry.
Yeah, I heard it as I said it.

It's all right.

What are we gonna do about Allison?
We're all worried about Allison, but
I'm scared for you.

Seriously?
- Yeah.

- She killed someone.

I was trying to do the right
thing and save Harlan's life.

Do you know why I wanted this
last jump to work so badly?
Because you're old and tired?
Because I slaughtered a
boardroom full of people
to buy our way back here.

Shit.

Little advice from
someone who's been there?
Don't do the math.

That equation does not exist.

There's no "save five Harlans
for every two Claires" formula.

People like us, we will never
save enough lives to make
up for the ones that we take.

I don't accept that.

Then you'll drown.

This is the price of being
powerful.
Sometimes we step on ants.

And the sooner you face
that, the safer we'll all be.

What is that supposed to mean?
It means you're very
dangerous, Viktor Hargreeves.

The decisions you make
impact the entire world.

So no matter how
benevolent they may seem,
you don't get to make them alone.

You know what they call a
superhero who works alone
and doesn't listen to anybody?
A villain.

I am not a villain, Five.

And, Viktor, I hope to
God you never will be.

But that remains to be seen.

No more going rogue.

If you ever need anything,
I'm always here for you.

But lie to us again
Viktor, I'll kill you myself.

I'm glad we made peace.

It all worked out.

Yeah.

But we're definitely killing
them in the morning, right?
And Chris has dibs on knife boy.

No one is killing anyone.

Why not?
We followed your plan, merged
the families, saved the world.

- We don't need them anymore.

- I'm not done yet.

Done what?
That's between me and Dad.

You made a deal with Dad?
Maybe.

Fine.
I'm done.

- Sit down.

- No.

We don't recognize
your authority anymore.

You're a terrible leader with no
loyalty to anyone but yourself.

You don't speak for Christopher.

Really, dude?
I'm Number One.
You'll
do as I say when I say it.

Not anymore.

Here's to a new life
without this dickhead.

Christopher, what's wrong?
Back away, Fei.

Chris, it's going to be okay.

- Fei!
- I'm going to help you.
Just
Oh my God! Luther!
We gotta go.
Now.

We gotta get out!
Wait.
Ben!
Run!
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