The Unicorn (2019) s01e07 Episode Script

Wade Delayed

What, Dad? Uh, I'm leaving for the airport now.
Remember, I told you that I've got to go to Atlanta to do that garden for the Hillmans? - Okay.
- But-but I'll be back by dinnertime.
Okay? So just, uh, proceed through your day just like you would if-if I were here.
- I will.
- Okay.
Oh, uh, and, uh, after school, just get your sister and wait in the library for an hour, and, uh, I'll pick you girls up on the way home from the airport.
- Got it.
- Okay.
What else? Oh, oh, uh, your lunches are in the fridge.
- Mm-hmm.
- Oh, I know I'm forgetting something.
No, you're not.
We talked about this last night.
And the night before.
And last week.
It'll be fine.
Why is it so loud in here? Hey, hey, sweetheart, I'm sorry.
I'm just, uh, getting ready to leave for Atlanta.
Love you.
Good night.
Oh, uh, I just remembered.
I spoke to Delia, and she's gonna pick you up for school at 7:35.
And I just called her to remind her and I think I woke her up, so she might be a little mad.
Yeah, we get that.
Stop worrying.
I know, I know.
It's just This is the first time I've had to go somewhere and leave you girls alone.
- We'll be fine.
- Okay.
Oh, uh, if you need any batteries Dad, get out of here! Okay, okay.
I love you, too.
No, no, it was my, it was my pleasure.
It's worth flying down for.
I'm flying home now, but I will make the changes that we discussed and I'll send you the plans on Friday.
Okay, bye-bye.
Attention, passengers on Flight 219 to Raleigh-Durham.
Your aircraft is experiencing a mechanical issue which will delay your departure.
Wait, what? Uh, excuse me, uh, how-how long is that gonna be? Just until the mechanical issue with the aircraft is resolved.
And your-your best guess would be ? As soon as the mechanics resolve the issue with the aircraft.
Now I get it.
Thank you.
- Thank you.
- They can't give you - any idea when you're taking off? - No.
- What a bummer.
- Yeah.
I'm just a little stressed out.
You know? I promised the girls that I'd be home by dinnertime.
Is there any way - that you could pick them up, Ben? - I would love to, but I'm waiting for them to fix my van.
They told me it'd be ready two hours ago, but they still haven't even looked at it yet.
Even though I pay an extra 200 bucks a year for the platinum service contract.
Apparently, this is platinum service! Ben, that's okay, man.
- I-I'll figure something out.
- No, no, no.
We got you.
Don't worry about a thing.
I'll call Forrest.
I'm sorry, I can't.
I'm dealing with a real situation here today.
The people in accounting finally pinpointed the person who's been stealing toilet paper, so there's an emergency meeting to discuss the optimal way to approach him.
Or her.
I've already said too much.
Look, man, can you just call Delia? Oh, right.
Yeah, I'll call her.
No problem.
I'm happy to pick up the girls at school.
I don't want Addie walking home anyway.
- She forgot her sunscreen.
- You let Addie leave the house without sunscreen? You know she always forgets to stay in the shade.
- We got you, Wade.
- Great.
Delia's getting the girls, and I'm making dinner for everybody, which was going to be pasta, but Addie can't eat noodles.
- Really? - Or sauce.
Oh, well, thank you so much.
- I just don't know what I would do without you.
- Anytime.
- Okay, bye-bye.
- Bye.
Look, um, is there any way that you could please put me on another flight to Raleigh? I'm just trying to get home to my little girls.
I-I promised that I wouldn't miss their bedtime.
Uh, okay.
Um How about this? I put you on the standby list - on the 440.
- That is fantastic.
And the change fee is $275.
That-that's crazy.
Uh, you can use frequent-flier miles.
Okay, you know what? Let's, uh yeah, let's do that.
- Okay.
- Um, the, uh, points are actually in-in my wife's name.
- Is that gonna be okay? - It's not a problem.
Just get her on the phone and have her confirm the transfer.
Yeah, um-um, I'm afraid that I-I can't, I can't do that.
I'm sorry, there's no exceptions.
Um, m-my wife, uh, passed away a-a year ago.
That's terrible.
- Yeah.
- I'm sorry.
Um, you know what? Let me see what I can do.
- Okay.
- Don't worry.
She's gonna get you home to see your babies.
Thank you.
Okay, all right.
Let's, um, let's forget about the change fee, and I put you on the top of the standby list.
So, just listen for your name to be called.
- Ah, thank you so much.
- Yeah.
Can you get him in first class? Oh, uh, really, just, uh, any seat would be great.
Is anyone sitting here? Uh, no.
Uh, sorry.
Ladies and gentlemen, this is your final boarding call for Flight 253 to Dallas.
Long day? Uh, yeah.
- And it's getting longer.
- Yeah, I know the feeling.
What you drinking? Uh, the house red.
Sounds yummy.
- Two of those, please.
- Sure.
Oh, n-no.
I m I mean, thank you, but-but no.
I'm sorry, what? Well, it's not that I don't, I don't find you attractive.
I just, uh, - I'm-I'm not really looking for, uh - Here you go.
Both glasses are for me.
My wine.
I hate to fly, and it calms my nerves.
Oh, my God.
I am so sorry.
- I-I'm, I'm so sorry.
Just, I just assumed - Uh, yeah.
- whenever you kind of ordered, - Uh-huh.
but I'm really sorry about Wade Felton, please report to gate A-17.
Wade Felton, gate A-17.
Delia said Dad's flight's delayed, so she's gonna pick us up.
Oh, my God, that's perfect.
That means I can totally go to Dewey's with my friends.
Dad said you're not allowed to go to Dewey's on school nights.
Dad's in Atlanta.
He's not gonna find out, is he, Nat? Addie, for the love of God, there is shade five feet away from you.
- Sorry.
- No! Look - It's too late now.
Just get in the car.
- Okay.
Um, actually, Delia, is it cool if I go to study at Katie Woodburn's house? Gee, you know, your dad asked me to take you to Michelle's, so Right.
Um uh, see, it's just, it's really hard to study at Michelle's with all the little kids running around.
I mean, hey, I'm a pediatrician, and I can't even think - with all those kids screaming and running around.
- Yes.
Thank you.
You get me.
It's just, it's - I really need to focus.
- Mm.
And I'm sure school was super easy for you, 'cause you're so smart.
Actually, um, I had this spatial recognition thing where I couldn't draw three-dimensional objects to save my life.
And you're a doctor now? - That is so inspiring.
- Mm.
- Oh.
- It makes me want to work even harder.
Oh, I guess that kind of makes me sound like a nerd.
Oh, no.
Are you kidding me? Look, I totally know what you're going through here.
Yeah? Keep your shirt on, Karen! Logistics! Do you have a ride, or ? - Uh, yeah.
Katie's mom.
- Um, okay.
Yeah, you you can go.
You are so cool.
- No, I'm just, I'm just me.
- No, seriously, you are.
Well, okay.
Well, just tell Katie's mom that she has to have you at Michelle's by 5:30 for dinner, okay? - Okay.
I'll see you there.
- Okay.
- I will oh.
- Perfect.
- Yeah.
That's it.
- Okay.
Okay, okay.
- Excuse me.
- Sorry.
Uh, hey.
Hey, hey.
It's, uh, it's me.
- The-the guy from the bar.
- Yeah, I know.
Look, I-I know that I came off as kind of a jerk - Uh-huh - and I just, I just don't want you to think that that's-that's really who I am.
I was thinking maybe we could, we could do a-a do-over.
Maybe I'm-I'm Wade.
- Uh, c-can you, can you hear me? - Yes, I can.
Sir, - I think you're in the wrong seat.
- Oh.
Uh, let's see.
Um Uh-uh, 10-C.
Yes, this is 11.
Oh, that's that's-that's 10.
- Really? - Sorry.
Same row.
Funny, huh? Uh, I'm-I'm Wade.
I heard.
Ladies and gentlemen, I apologize for the delay.
Looks like we're gonna be stuck here at the gate a little longer, so we're gonna continue our beverage service.
Um, peace offering? Um Look, I'm, I-I'm really sorry that I jumped to a stupid conclusion back at the bar.
It's just that I've, I've been getting a lot of attention from-from women lately.
Sure, you have, 'cause you're obviously God's gift.
No, I'm-I'm not, and, look, I-I know that I'm not.
It's just, I've I'm I lost my wife a little over a year ago.
And you use that to pick up women? No, no.
No, I wouldn't I would never do that.
It's just that my friends tell me that that makes me super eligible or something.
Looks like you two have something to work out.
- Want to change seats? - Oh, no.
- Uh, yeah, yeah, that would be great - Please, that's not necessary.
if it would make you more comfortable.
In fact, if you could just stay - Thank you.
- Sure.
This is the captain again.
Unfortunately, we're stuck a while longer while we wait for some rough weather to pass.
Oh, God.
Uh you want another one? Hi.
I'm Ava.
Nice to meet you, Ava.
Here you go, Delia, veggie burgers, as requested.
Ooh, thank you.
That smells delicious.
- Ooh, can I get bacon on mine? - Oh, sure, baby.
- Ooh, can I have bacon? - Yeah, me, too, and, uh-uh, could you throw some cheese on that? Yes.
Cheese would be great.
Okay, so that's two bacon cheddar veggie burgers? - Mmm.
- Yummy.
Grace still isn't here, huh? Didn't you tell her 5:30? Yeah, I did.
- Well, where did she go to study? - At Katie's house, but her mom's supposed to drop her off by now.
Do we know Katie? Katie Woodburn, that's the name, Woodburn.
- Wait, Katie Woodburn? - Uh-huh.
She's in Noah's class.
She's a fourth grader.
Well, why would Grace be studying with a fourth grader? Is Grace slow? - Forrest.
- Oh, my God, I I've been played.
Oh, no, now it's lightning.
Oh, don't worry, they don't fly in lightning.
They fly in everything.
What, even lightning? Relax.
Lightning doesn't do anything to a plane.
Really? Nothing happens? Worst-case scenario, it shorts out the electrical system.
Oh, my God.
Grace was such a sweet little kid, and-and all of a sudden, boom, she's capable of this? Is this what teenagers are? Well, I'm calling her because she's not getting away with it.
- She picked the wrong mom.
- Watch this.
Hey, you've reached Grace Went to voice mail.
She turned off her phone.
What do I do? I'm out of moves.
Natalie, do you know where your sister is? - Uh, she's at Katie Woodburn's house.
- Oh, come on.
Katie's in fourth grade.
We know that.
We're not idiots.
Wait, was that a shot at me? Because I'm a trusting person? Natalie, spill.
I don't want to tell you.
Why not? 'Cause Grace will call me Tattle-y Natalie.
Pretty good one.
"Tattle-y Natalie".
Okay, look, your dad trusted us to look after Grace, and you know how stressed out he was about this trip, and I screwed up, but I-I don't want to let him down.
- Um - Come on.
We know you don't want to be Tattle-y Natalie, but you got to help us out here.
Okay, okay.
Look, Katie's in the fourth grade, but not everyone in her family's in fourth grade.
Okay, well, her little brother is in kindergarten.
No, not him.
Oh, Dewey Woodburn! Yes! Of course.
He's a patient of mine, has an undescended testicle.
- Oh! - Wow.
Shouldn't have said that.
That's-that's really, really bad for a doctor to say.
Look, don't worry, we can keep a secret.
Well, Tattle-y Natalie can't.
- Come on.
- I am so sorry.
It's okay.
I've earned it.
They also like to hang out in Dewey's garage.
Oh, my God, you let her go over to a boy's house.
Well, it would never occur to me that she'd want to go to a boy's house.
She's 14.
We're not ready for 14.
I'm gonna go hug my little girl while she's still a little girl.
I'm gonna hug mine, too.
I'm gonna I'll just drink.
I'll-I'll stay here and drink.
Here's what I do when I fly I just remind myself I have a much better chance of dying in the shower or driving a car or choking on a grape.
The world is full of things that could kill you.
You can't worry about 'em all.
Uh, excuse me, I'm-I'm gonna call my daughters.
Ladies and gentlemen, we are next for takeoff.
Sir, we're on an active taxiway.
That has to be in airplane mode.
Uh Cabin crew, please prepare for takeoff.
Oh, my God, it's still, it's still lightning outside.
Are you okay? I-I don't know.
You know, flying has never really scared me before, but now I'm I'm all my girls have.
- Okay.
- If this plane were to go down, they would, they would be all alone.
Oh, God, what was that? It's the seat belt sign.
That's-that's-that's a good sign.
I mean, yeah, we should be wearing our seat belts in case something happens, right? Oh, God.
What good would a seat belt do if something happens? - Oh, my God.
- Okay, just breathe.
Oh, God.
I think I'm having a panic attack.
Okay, do you want to hold my hand? - Could I? - Yeah.
We're all right.
You're all right.
- Oh, God.
- Just, just talk to me.
Just tell me about your girls.
Oh, uh, uh, they're-they're wonderful.
Uh, Grace and, uh, and Natalie.
Um, Grace is, uh-uh, 14, and, uh, she thinks that she's 20.
And-and Natalie is 12, um, and-and she says that she still believes in Santa Claus, but I know that she's just faking it for me.
Oh, God, did we hit a goose? We're good, we're fine.
Just keep talking.
Okay, listen.
She's in there with a boy, so who knows what we're gonna see when we open that door.
What we do is grab her, - get out, and yell at her later.
- No.
I'm gonna start yelling as soon as I see her.
I'm yelling inside my head right now.
Whatever we're gonna do, let's hurry.
They're teenagers.
- They don't do foreplay.
- Oh, God.
Grace Felton.
You better pause that video game right now.
Hey, Delia and Michelle.
What time is it? Your breath smells like bubble gum, or those vape pens that smell like bubble gum.
It's bubble gum.
Of course she's gonna say that.
Delia, I'm fine.
I'm really sorry.
I just, I lost track of time.
But I did finish my homework.
That's not the point, is it? Get your stuff.
You know, can I just say that I'm really glad that you guys are the ones that came to get me, because, uh, you, as formerly young women, understand how important it is for me to socialize Okay, you know what, Grace? I've been played enough for one day.
All right? Let's go.
Hey, Dewey.
How's it hanging doing? How are you doing? Okay.
I'm gonna see you at your next checkup.
Right? Cool, great.
Just so you know, if you ever want anything from a woman, don't start out by calling her "formerly young".
And then Natalie was limping when she came off the field, and I looked, and her shoes were, like, three sizes too big, and she had terrible blisters.
But she refused to take them off.
But I realized that she had played the entire game in her mom's shoes.
But that was her way of keeping Jill close to her.
And it really helped her.
So, uh, the next game, I just had her put on three pairs of socks.
- We landed.
- Yeah.
We're-we're okay.
We're okay.
Uh, thank you guys so much for helping me through that.
- Thank you, Ava.
- You're welcome.
Thank you - Brent.
- Brent.
Thank you, Brent.
- Wow.
- Wade, I'm sorry I judged you too quickly.
You're not a creep.
You're just a mess.
Y-You know what? I-I'll take it.
You know, I-I-I don't know if you're gonna be in town for a few days, but I'd love to take you out for a drink, just to show you my appreciation.
Can I be honest? Um, with the kids and the dogs and the whole widower thing, that's just, like, way too much for me.
Got it.
This is the captain.
They don't have a gate for us yet.
It's gonna be another 20 minutes, so just sit tight.
Look, I know I shouldn't have done what I did, but it was only 6:30.
Nothing happened.
That's not the point, and you know it.
You have to be responsible now.
You're 14 years old.
When exactly did this behavior even start? Like, do I have two more years with Addie? And are there warning signs that I should look for now? Delia.
You know your father was really stressed out about this trip.
I-I'm sorry.
I'll tell my dad it wasn't your fault.
No, no, no.
If he finds out what you did, he's never gonna be able to go out of town again.
Nobody's telling him anything.
So we're good? No, we're not good.
But, like, what can we do, because sh-she's not our kid? Yeah, I-I don't know.
Don't do this again, or there will be consequences.
Real bad ones.
What she said.
Uh, yeah.
- Okay.
- I won't.
Now go to somebody's room.
And not my room! That was terrible.
We have no idea what we're doing.
In two years, our girls are gonna be 14, and they are going to eat us alive.
I see your point.
I'll get the wine.
- Hey.
- Dad! Hey, Wade.
I made it.
Hey, you.
Oh We missed you.
Oh, I missed you, too.
Uh, you know what? It's late.
Go get your stuff and let's get out of Ben and Michelle's hair.
- All right.
- Okay.
All right.
- So how was your trip? - Uh, - a little more lightning than I like.
- Oh Uh, but you know what? The thing that got me through was knowing that my kids were in great hands with all of you.
- Oh, that's nice.
- Oh, well Yeah.
I mean, there would be no reason to worry, because obviously, by the presence of both the girls just now, I mean, you know that everything was fine the entire time.
That-That's what I was saying.
Yes, and that is correctly so, - what you were saying.
- Yeah, so, did you meet anybody? It was a one-hour daytime flight, Forrest.
Uh, well, uh, actually, I did meet a lady.
- Hmm.
- Ah! I knew it.
See? In your face.
In your face.
Calm down.
Okay, we let me ask you this as a follow-up.
Did you happen to join a club whose membership is predicated on certain things happening at a specific altitude? Uh, no, and not only that, she was actively not into me.
- What? - Wow.
How is that possible? - That is insane.
- She sounds ugly.
You know what? Forget about her.
There are plenty of other women.
Yes, and no matter what you guys think, they're not all gonna be into me.
- What? - So I'm gonna need your help to keep me from getting a big head.
Yeah, fine.
We can do that.
You are far from perfect.
Oh yeah, okay.
It's "intents and purposes", not "intensive purposes".
Yeah, that's-that's true.
That's true.
Ben, what do you got? Sometimes it looks like you're wearing Grace's jeans.
- I cringe when you dance.
- Oh! - Really? - Yeah.
Next, uh, Forrest.
- Uh, when you sweat - Uh-huh.
you smell like a cedar forest after a rain.
- Um - In a bad way.
- What bad way? - Am I thinking of a different kind of wood? The only forest that smells is this one.
- Whoa.
- I walked right into that.
In your face.
- In your face.
- Hey.
All right.
It back into my face.
Michelle, go for it.
You don't have a forehead, you have a fivehead.
Okay, all right.
All right.
Delia, give it to me.
You seem to have six to eight extra teeth.
Oh Didn't know you were gonna go there, but, uh, yeah.

Previous EpisodeNext Episode