The War Next-Door (2021) s02e01 Episode Script

The Funeral

And they lived a happy and peaceful life.

And they were scorched together.

- [sighs.]

- How am I gonna hold a wake for my Puky?
For whom?
Oh, she was her dog.
She was scorched
with my mom and dad.

Oh no.
My Puky's all mixed up
with those people.

Those are our ashes in there.

Well, my sister Leonor's
and my brother-in-law Genaro's.

May they rest in peace.

- May God rest their souls.

- Amen.

So the wake is only for the two of them.

You're just as stubborn as your sister.

What was your name again?
Agustina Salcido.

Like the soccer player.

Your sister told me.
Thank you.

Look, Tina.
I I don't mean to be nosy,
but maybe we should also hold
a wake for the dog.

Out of all the ashes,
we can give Blondie a few ounces
so she doesn't feel so upset.

We're not slicing ham, Rigo.

- I'm sorry.

- I'm taking my ashes.

I mean, my sister Leonor's
and Genaro's ashes.

- May they rest in peace.

- May God rest their souls.

- The ashes are also mine!
- No!
Yes! Mine and my Puky's!
This is all your fault
and that damn Puky's.

She attacked my brother-in-law
and he got electrocuted.

And there goes my sister
to try and save him.

That's why they got scorched.

So I'm taking my ashes.

- No! Not my Puky!
- [Ernesto.]

- Calm down.

- No.
That's my Puky!
- Chivis.

- My Puky!
Give her some time.
Give her some time.

Give her some time.

- That's my Puky too!
- Shh! It's okay.

I'm sorry.

Uh, pardon me.

Ew! [whimpers.]

Give her some time.

Espinoza intervention.

Espinoza intervention.

I don't get why that dumb blonde
wants to hold a wake for a damn dog.

Rich ladies love their pets.

- Sometimes even more than their own kids.

- Yeah, whatever.

My sister, Leonor, and my brother-in-law
deserve the best funeral ever.

- And we're gonna make that happen, right?
- [all.]
Well, I have a great idea for the funeral.

What do you think about
We'll serve birria,
my brother-in-law's favorite.

Wasn't barbecue his favorite?
And there will be live music
from Veracruz.

- My sister really loved that.

- Didn't she prefer mariachis?
- Uh-huh.

- Yes.

Oh, and that song that was her favorite.

Manoella Torres' song "Libre.
- Yeah, that one.

- She loved that one.
Yes, when she drank.

"El Querreque.
- And we'll throw their ashes in the sea.

- In the sea? They can't swim.

But Tina, my friends
were really afraid of the sea.

- They were scared shitless.
After Jaws.

- Enlarge that photo.

- Look how great they look right there.

- They hated that photo.

So the funeral
will be in our old neighborhood.

- Can you make room at your house, Rigo?
- Yeah.
Whatever you need.

Your parents would rather be around
their own people than these snobs.

That's it.

See, I
Between us,
since when does she know Leo
better than we do, huh?
They hadn't spoken in like two years.

Mom even drew mustaches on her photo.

She said she looked better that way.

- Yeah, yeah.
For sure.

- That's right.

Stop picking fights.
even whey hate each other,
love each other.

You get it, right? Right?

We have to get Puky back.

Um, no, honey,
you need to take it easy
and just let Agustina
say goodbye to her sister
and brother-in-law.

Who, by the way, was my best friend.

What a great guy.

I hired a medium
to say goodbye to Puky properly.

Then we'll do all the things
she liked the most.

So we're going to pee on my bed?
We're gonna play fetch.

That's what she liked the most.

So I'll throw things,
and you'll catch them.

And then we'll bury the ashes
under the Beatriz tree,
which, as of now,
is called the Pukitriz tree.

- Is that clear?
- Mm-hmm.

- [phone thuds.]

- Good.

And how exactly
are we going to get her ashes?
[doorbell rings.]

- [scoffs.]

- Oh! [chuckles.]

I'll go.

[doorbell rings rapidly.]

I'm here to get Brody's jersey
that my friend left me.

He left it to me in writing,
when we were drunk one day
a few years ago.

- What? Is this Genaro's handwriting?
- Yes.

Certified by a notary public
and all the paperwork has been filed.

I'm sorry to tell you this,
but Genaro gave it to me.

If you don't want the dead guy
to haunt you at night,
you better hand it over.

It was his last will.

Oh no.
I know what's going on here.

You're jealous because Genie
considered me his best friend.

Yes, because I gave him a job
at my advertising agency
when he needed it the most.

I was by his side
when he was at his worst.

I was by his side at his saddest moments.

Oh, really?
I was by his side
when Mexico lost against Germany in '98,
and when they lost to Bulgaria in '94,
and against Argentina in '06.

I wasn't with him during
the Mexico and United States match in '02,
because I went to the cup and he stayed
because he didn't have dough.

- He never forgave me for that.

- That was a horrible loss.

Why would you take Ramón Morales out
and put in Luis "The Killer" Hernández,
of all people?
Killer of dreams!
- Killer of hope.
I totally agree.

- That's what he is!
What a nightmare.

If you need some cash for the jersey,
don't worry, I'll transfer you the money.

Right now.

I'll only accept
because that's what my friend Genaro,
may he rest in peace, would have wanted.

Fifty will be fine.

I'll give you five.

- Meet me halfway.
There you go.

- Fine.

It says I'm out of funds.

Give me a second.

No, no, no.
Don't worry.

I accept promissory notes,
store coupons, watches.

Just just calm down.
What happened?
No, no, let me check the accounts.

My accounts were emptied.

Somebody maxed out my credit card.

How will I explain this to Silvia?
Especially now that she's so devastated
about the death of Puky.

That would be terrible news for her.

No way.

Forget about the news.

She likes to do shop therapy.

How can I tell her she can't shop anymore?
Don't say anything to your wife.

If you need quick cash,
I have a contact that has information
about the fights.

- Canelo is fighting this weekend.

- So what?
Canelo always wins the first rounds
because he only fights against amateurs.

This time, he'll lose.

I'll lend you some money if you want,
so you can bet and
win back some of your money.

Thank you very much,
but I'd rather not take the risk.


It's your loss.

What's up, Cata?
Give me a hand, can you?
Open the back door.

Please, princess.

Ah, thanks.
- [Cata.]

- [Tomás.]
How's it going?
- Mrs.
Espinoza wants to talk to you.

- Huh?
Uh Okay.

Bring me the ashes of my Puky.

Uh, I can't do that, Silvia.

In prison, I learned to respect the dead.

I swear.

I mean, I can't do this
to my sister either, right?
Or risk having my brother-in-law
haunt me in the night? No way.

- [sighs.]

- Uh
You know what?
No, I can't do it.

See? That's why you're poor.

You have no vision.

Where are you taking my Puky?
We're holding a wake
for my sister and brother-in-law
at our old neighborhood.

You can come by if you want.

No! Puky's never set paw in a low-class
neighborhood without her booties!
I'll go get them!

See? That's why we're like this.

That's why.

[upbeat music playing.]

I'm super sad about Puky.

I couldn't even take a selfie with her
because her little body was scorched.

Cris, honey.

How are you doing?
Do you really care how I am? [scoffs.]

I'm glad Puky died.

How can you say that?

it's about time you start earning things
by the sweat of your brow.

You want me to work?
What kind of mother do you think I am?
Of course not.


I need you to convince Pablo
to give me my Puky.

But how?
The same way I get things
from your father.

Feminine charm.


Puky would have wanted this.

[whimsical music playing.]

- [gasps.]

- [phone chimes.]

Seriously, I'm like super sad.

[door slams shut.]

What's up, Dad? I'm checking
the stock market.
Give me a second.

We don't have any money, Diego.

Ask Cata to go to an ATM.

No, Diego.
[breathes shakily.]

We're bankrupt.

Our accounts were emptied out.

All of them?
Broke like who? Like Trump?
Or like Luis Miguel?
Or like the Azcárragas,
who don't have as much money
as they once did?
No, like the Lopezes.

- No.

- Yeah.

Tell me what I can do to help you
now that we belong to the disadvantaged.

You'll be in charge of Silvia.

She can't know anything about this.

And she can't go and spend
the little money we still have left.

What about her shopping therapy?
- How will she get over Puky's death?
- I don't know.
I don't care.

Please, help me.

You always come up with great ideas.

I made a decision.

I'm changing my whole wardrobe.

All my clothes are covered in dog fur.

Everything reminds me of Puky.

[whimsical music continues.]


Why do we have to meet
at such an old place?
We used to live here,
and my aunt wants
to hold my parents' funeral here.

They're already dead,
so why make them suffer
by coming back here?
- Hmm.

- Hey, um,
how do people make out
in a park like this?
Hold on.
What's going on, Crista?
- You've never hit on me before.

- [sighs.]

Okay, fine.

My mom asked me to convince you
to give me Puky's ashes.

She's going to hold a séance.

And, well, I do want to help my mother.

Besides, nice girls
say goodbye to their dead.

- As in Coco.
- [chuckles.]

[cell phone ringing.]

Hello, Ernesto.

This is your accountant.

Everything has been solved.

All the stolen money
is back in your account.

You're rich again.

Thank you so much! I can't believe it!
- [Genaro.]

- [dog whimpers.]

- Are you there?
- Genie?
Is that you?
Listen to me, Neto.

Bro! What's heaven like?
Did you get to meet Maradona?
I have to tell you something
really important about my friend.

- And Canelo's fight.

- [dog growls.]

- You must bet on
- [dog barks.]

Genie? Ge Genie?
Who should I? Genie?
[gasps, grunts.]

It's all right.
All right.

- [gasps.]

- It's all right.

I also get really freaked out
when I dream about those trashy people.

It's okay.

[whimsical music playing.]



- [Rigo whistles.]
Quique, come here.

- [man.]
Oh no.
Take your time.

- Hurry up! Head on in.

- [cell phone ringing.]

- Hello?
- [Ernesto.]
How much can you lend me
so I can bet it all against Canelo?
Fuck yeah! Fear not.

I'll bring it over.


We have a cash flow issue.

And I don't know
how to keep my mother from spending.

I mean, not spending is a concept
my family doesn't know anything about.

You need to be creative
to go shopping with no money.

Knock-offs are 100 times cheaper
than original clothes,
and they give consumers
the same satisfying feeling.

Do you think Silvia wouldn't notice it?
It's all about how you sell it.

It's the same as pigweed tacos.

At a restaurant they cost a fortune,
but here, we eat them every day.

But I can't make her go to a cheap store.

If Muhammad will not go to the mountain,
the mountain must go to Muhammad.

Have you ever heard of personal shoppers?
You can take Silvia
to an "exclusive" selection of knock-offs.

But how? Everything will be fake.

But Diego, if someone has a talent
to sell fake stuff, it's you.

Well, that's true.

But you don't know Silvia.

I'm going to need the help of an expert.


That one.


And this one.

- [woman.]
What are you guys looking for?
- And that one.

And that one over there.

We have all the designers you want.

My best clients are rich ladies
who buy knock-offs on market stalls.

This is what we're doing
to trick Mrs.

The clothes must have the brand's design
style, but not look like recent designs.

I like it!
It makes me look slimmer.

Let's see the next one.

Oh! This furry thing.

They must be made in workshops
located in Vietnam or Thailand.

Never in China.

Oh, yeah.
I needed some bubbly, Cat.

We have to wash the clothes
so they smell new.

It's a smell I've managed to replicate
after years of borrowing her clothes.

- Without her noticing.

- Mmm!
And lastly, the higher the price is,
the easier it is
to convince rich people to buy.

It makes them feel special.

This one is a bit different
from the rest of the collection, isn't it?

It It's the newest style, Silv.

- It hasn't been shown on the catwalks yet.

- Really?
Let me see.

It's so expensive.

Yes, it must be an original Dior.


[indistinct chatter.]

That looks good on her.

It's not her style.

I'll take everything.

Put everything in gift wrap
for me, please.

- [both giggle.]

- [Silvia.]
Now I just need to exchange my SUV
for a new Porsche.

Tomorrow after my workout
will you go with me to the dealership?
- Mm-hmm.

- Oh, thanks, honey.

[Silvia scoffs.]

[music crescendos, ends.]

[breathing fitfully.]


- [Leonor echoing.]
Can you hear me, Mom?
- [dog barks.]

Mom, where are y
Mom, can you hear
- [gasps.]

- [dog barking.]

Is that you, Leo?
- [Puky barks.]

- [Leonor.]

I have to tell you something
about my friend.

- No! No, no, no, no.

- Don't leave!
- Mom!
- [music swells.]



- Oh my Lord.

- [groans.]



[exhales, breathing heavily.]

[whimsical music playing.]


Leo came to me in my dream last night.

Of course not, Mom.

She would've come to me first.

I don't think so.

You know she didn't really like you
that much.

Well, she was jealous of me
because my skin was fairer than hers.


What I know for sure
is she never forgave you
for moving to Juárez
and never talking to us again.

That doesn't make any sense.

You could've called me too!
- Ah!
- Every time we called you, you hung up.

Okay, stop it!
Leo wanted to tell me something
about Rigo.

Ooh, she probably remembered
when he was in high school
and he was always after her.

- [chuckles.]

- And after Tina.

And after Chayo,
and after every girl in school.

- [Dolores.]
- Okay, Mom.
I'll stop.

I think she doesn't want the funeral
you're planning for her, Tina.

Ay, Mama.

Who knows Leo better? Me or you?
We shared a bedroom our whole lives.

So, please, finish those garlands now.

Okay? Chop-chop.

Hey, why would Mom want her ashes
in the sea if she couldn't even swim?
Dad didn't even like birria.

It made him sick.

And Leo listened to "Libre"
by Manoella Torres,
and she got all sentimental.

Didn't she, Mom?
Oh, she did, dear.

And to be honest,
they look like hell here.

- And you can see Mom's mustache, right?
- [sucks teeth.]
- [Tere.]

- Whoa, you're right.
They look crap.

Kids, show some respect!
- [Janet.]

- [Tomás.]

Well, I think we have to do something
so that Mom and Dad could have the funeral
they would've wanted, right?

Yes, I agree.

[gentle music playing.]

Oh, Sis.

Why didn't you come to me
instead of to Mom?
I know you never forgave me
for stealing your boyfriend,
but I really need to know if you
don't want your ashes thrown in the sea.

Tell me what your final wish is.

Give me a sign.



You're gonna be like that? Really?
Don't be so resentful, Leonor.

Talk to me, Leo! Tell me something!
[sucks teeth.]

What the hell?
Did you lose weight?
[urn opens.]

That mother
[bell ringing.]

Excuse me.
Excuse me.

The thing is,
um, can you stop ringing the bell?
It used to make Puky nervous.

Ashes to ashes.

- And smoke to smoke.

- [coughs.]

Calling the spirit of Puky.

- Manifest yourself!
- [continues coughing.]

Sorry, but Puky and I
are very allergic to patchouli incense.

Can you put it out?
You want to talk to the dog or not?
I do.
I do.
I want to talk to her.

Hold hands and don't let go,
no matter what you see or hear.

How do you know they stole them?
Maybe Ernesto took the ashes for coffee.

Don't take me for a fool, Jani.


[breathing shakily.]

- Auntie, what are you doing here?
- No.
I came to rescue your parents.

What are you doing here?
I noticed that Mom and Dad
weren't in the urn,
but I didn't want you to worry.

Especially since they
are doing
black magic in there.

I'll tell that witch a thing or two.

Wait! Auntie, please!
- [Agustina.]
Be quiet.

- [Pablo.]
Let me explain.

- [loud thud.]

- [Silvia gasps.]

- Puky is here!
- [Silvia whimpers.]

I can feel her presence.

Call her!
Puky [kisses.]
come here, baby.

- [glass shatters.]

- [all scream.]

I told you that Puky hated
that photo of herself.

It was a bad hair day.

- She is here!
- [table rattling.]

- [Silvia.]
- Oh no!
Say it! Puky!
It's Leo.

- Oh, I can't believe this.

- Shh!
Is Puky with you?
She's here with me.

Puky! [breathing shakily.]

Being near that woman for all eternity
is gonna be utter torture!
Puky, Genaro and I
have one last wish.

Put Puky on the line!
Leonor! Neto here.
Are you with Genie?
Here I am.

What do you want, Neto?
Cruz Azul beat the Pumas 2-0
in the playoffs!
Ernesto, what's wrong with you?
Nobody cares about that.

I'd like to score
a header like Pelé
in the match against Italy
in the 1970 World Cup.

And I want to get
a Brazilian hair straightening.

[Silvia grunts.]

I want to know
what Puky's last wish is.

Puky wants to pee
on Crista's bed.

I told you, Mom.

I don't think that's Puky's last wish.

I want proof!
- [Silvia shrieks.]

- [Neto screams.]

Puky licked me!
- Ah!
- What? Come here.

Don't worry, Sis.
I'm getting you
that Brazilian hair straightening.


They were scorched to death.

Are you kidding me?
- [door shuts.]

- [phone chimes.]

No! No!
Canelo won!
Don't worry, Dad.
We will get it back.

[breathing heavily.]

Out of the blue, here I come
Your most devoted suitor ♪
I don't care if people say
I'm head over heels ♪
[indistinct chatter.]

A tamale?
That damn Genaro.
My God.


I made my way to your window ♪
[indistinct chatter.]

Come here.

Did you forget to tell the neighbors
about the funeral or what?
I don't know any of these people.

Don't tell me
you gave them the wrong address.

Not at all, Tina.

Obviously, I gave everybody
the correct address.

I told them,
but I don't know why they aren't here.

But look.
My buddies form prison made it.

- That's Braids, Hatter and Baldy.

- [whistles.]

Enjoy, my brothers.
Love those guys.

- [indistinct whispers.]

- Jesus.

Enjoy your food.

[continues sobbing.]

Oh my God.
He was such a great singer.

Thank you, Cachucha.


Did you like the tamale?
- It was good.

- Wasn't it?
[all sobbing.]

Lorena! Gerardo!
Lorena! Gerardo!
Leonor and Genaro!
- Their names were Leonor and Genaro.

- [woman sniffles.]

[all continue sobbing.]

Leonor and Genaro!
Why did you leave us?
Hail, Holy Queen, Mother of Mercy,
our life, our sweetness, and our hope.

To thee do we cry,
poor banished children of Eden
[Ernesto whispers.]

Canelo won.

That's great.

What do you mean?
I followed your advice
and I bet everything on his rival.

Why would you follow my advice?
Besides, you said he always wins.

Yeah, but you said

Is there any way to talk to your contact
to see if there's a solution?
Oh no, Neto.

Bets are like lovers.

You can have a good time,
but don't give them everything you got.

[sucks teeth.]

A souvenir.


If you were my friends friend,
that makes you my friend.

And friends help each other out.

Even with their girlfriends.

You're lucky
I'm not into blondes.

Don't worry.

We'll see how you pay me back.

Tsk, tsk, tsk.

[indistinct chatter.]

- [man sighs, sucks teeth.]

- [Silvia sighs.]

Well, now.
Um, Tomás and Pablo
will carry out the last wishes
of my sister Leonor
and my brother-in-law Genaro.

[all clapping.]


Gonna send it high and score at an angle.

Just like Genaro wanted.

One, two, three, now!
- No!
- [crowd clamoring.]

- Mom?
- What are you doing, Blondie?
Give me that!
I won't let you use my Puky
to score a goal.

Where are you taking my sister
and brother-in-law, you witch?

My dog's here too!
- Your sister's a witch.
Let go!
- [Agustina.]
Let go!
- [Silvia grunts.]

- [all gasp.]

Oh no.

Because of you, I won't be able to honor
my sister's last wish.

Now she'll never forgive me.

So what?
Puky won't be able to pee on Crista's bed.

I made up the thing
about my parents' last wish.

And I made up Puky's.

- [upbeat music playing.]

- I can feel her presence!

[table shaking.]

She is here!
Puky, is that you, Puky?
It's Leo.

Is Puky with you?
Yes, she's here with me.

I want to score a header like Pelé.

And I want to get
a Brazilian hair straightening.

I want proof!
Ah! Puky licked me!
And that's the truth, Tina.

We agreed to the plan
because both of you are blind.

I'm sorry, Agustina.

We all want to say goodbye to my parents.

And to Puky.

[gentle music playing.]

They weren't just important to you,
but to us too.

- [water pattering.]

- [Agustina.]
See what you did, Leo?
It would've been much easier
if you had just told me your final wish.

Well, that's what you get
for not speaking to me.

You didn't speak to me either!
Don't play dumb.


- [Puky whimpers.]

- Is that you?
You're kind of blurry.

- They don't have fiber optics in here.

- [Puky growls.]

Why did you stop talking to me
when you moved to Juárez?
Well, you got really mad
when Rigo started to hit on me.

He was my boyfriend, Tina.

Yours and all the other girls'.

[sucks teeth.]
It was just a little kiss.

It doesn't matter.

You don't hit on your sister's boyfriend.

I was really into him.

I'm sorry, Sis.

That's why I stopped talking to you.

'Cause I was so ashamed.

I miss you so much.

You don't know how much I regret
being such a flirt.

Look, Tina.
I love you with all my heart,
but you really went too far.

What can I do for you to forgive me?
I really need you
to take care of my family.

Have you forgiven me, then?
- Hold on.
Puky, no!
- [Puky barking.]

I don't understand.

- No! Ouch!
- [Puky growling.]

Are you there, Leonor?
- Ay.

- [upbeat music playing.]

I've I've run out of hot water.

Leonor! Leonor! Leonor!
Don't do this! [grunts.]

[music crescendos, ends.]

What are you doing, Mom?
I'm laying down the ashes of my Puky.

Under the Pukitriz tree.

No, I'm not thirsty.

It's for Puky.

She loved the taste of spring water.


[gentle music playing.]



Washing off Leo's ashes was hard.

It felt as if
I was saying goodbye to her again.

Well, at least she's in the sea now.

- Isn't she?
- [scoffs.]

I mean, down the drain.

It's better than nothing.

You know what, Rigo?
After everything that happened,
I realized I can't bear
to leave my family again.

I'm not going back to Juárez.

Hey, that that's
That's great news, Tina.

I Look.
One of my tenants
has just vacated a house.

It's really, really close to here.

You can stay there,
while I help you sell
your sister's insanely huge mansion.

And then, I mean
We'll get the money back
for your sister's kids.

I mean
That that [sighs.]

- That way, we'll be closer.

- Are you serious?
- [chuckles.]

- That's so great.
Thanks, Rigo.

I mean, yeah.

- Thanks.
Thanks a lot.

- No.


You you you don't have to
- Okay.
Finish drying the dishes.

- Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Tomás whistles.]

Let me, Mom.


Be careful because this one
is is like the one's
What'd I tell you?
Take care of it
as though it were your own.

My Lopezes! [chuckles.]

Wow, Agustina.

I'm happy you're finally taking
all of them out of here.

No, please.
I'm the one who's happy.

Imagine not having to see your Botox
bloated face every day.
Thank God.

I don't even know how my sister put up
with you for six months.

- [Silvia.]
- Goodbye.
See you later.

- [engine turns over.]

- Bye, Lopezes!
- [Pablo.]
- We won't miss you!

[cheers, vocalizes.]

- [indistinct chatter.]

- Um, are you changing the furniture?
No, Silvia.
They're being seized.

- [groans.]

- I was scammed and we lost everything.

- [Silvia.]
Ah, no!
- Including the house.

What? No!
No, don't take those.
This cost a fortune!
- Please don't take it.
This stays!
- Mom, take it easy!
Bankruptcy is normal for rich people.

Mike Tyson went bankrupt.

Andrés García too.

Donald Trump too,
before he was elected president.


We can stay at the Four Seasons
while Dad gets our money back.

So don't freak out, Mom.

We're not going to get it back.

And we can't afford the Four Seasons.


What about The Sheraton?
You get the chairs?
- Not even the Best Western.

- [gasps.]

- [gasps.]

- [Silvia.]
- What about your life insurance?
- Hey, I'm not planning on dying.

You better load what you can
in Joel's car.

- That's all we can take with us.

- [Silvia.]
- You mean that thing?
- Joel, my suitcases.

Is there room for mine?
Well, a little bit tight, huh?
But no uppity blondies around.

I'm glad you told me
to listen to my friend, Leito.

From now on, we'll live happily
in the neighborhood.
Yeah, we will.
We will.

Did you get it?
[indistinct chatter.]

The new neighbors are here.

I'm gonna go say hi.

I want to start things on the right foot.

- [indistinct chatter.]

- [chuckles.]

No, no, no.
Hold on, Pablito.
Let's share.

- In prison, I learned to be generous.

- Okay, but but let me cut it.

[upbeat music playing.]

Hello there.

If you'll excuse me.

[clears throat.]

- You?
- You?
- Goddamn.

- Oh!
["El Dinero No Es La Vida"
by Ximena Sariñana & Rubén Blades playing.]

[song ends.]

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