The War Next-Door (2021) s01e08 Episode Script

1
FOR SALE
A NETFLIX ORIGINAL SERIES
Hey, neighbor!
I'm so glad you finally realized
that this lifestyle just isn't for you.
I don't like it when the neighbors
leave their bugs in my pool.
The bugs were already in there
when I went for my swim.
Anyway, you'll be missed a lot.
Is that so?
What will you miss most? The donkey?
Or the lines of clothes?
Let's see.
Neither. No, actually,
I think I'm going to miss you.
- No way.
- Mm.
But what can we do now?
The organizers of the raffle
only made you stay
for six months instead of a year.
- It's so sad.
- Yeah, so sad.
Oh my gosh!
Oh, yeah, yeah, yes.
What's wrong, Mom?
- What is it?
- Holy Mary, Mother of God!
- Huh?
- It's the Virgin!
We can't leave here.
No!
THE WORLD'S BEST GRANDMA
- We have to sell.
- God forbid!
We can hardly afford the expenses
living here.
Genaro's salary
barely covers maintenance fees.
It's costing us that much?
If we want them to attend better schools
or go on a vacation someday
That would be okay.
we have to sell this house.
The Virgin doesn't just appear
by some random chance.
Either she's here
to tell us we have to stay,
or she's here to punish us for our sins.
- God spare us!
- No.
No fuckin' way!
I've sinned a sh
Um, a a boatload,
especially since listening to my uncle.
- Of course, blame the handsome guy.
- Shh! Your mother's always right, my love.
Hmm, didn't you dream
of being rich, Genaro?
- You dreamed of buying your own plane.
- What good is being a millionaire in Hell?
Since when are you so religious?
Last time you took Communion
was because you were hungry, remember?
Good Christians don't argue
in front of the Virgin.
For all we know,
she's talking bad about us right now.
Why are all of you so devoted suddenly?
Pablo, you're scared to go to church.
You think the statues are watching you.
Well, yeah. They do this.
Stop laughing, Jani.
You didn't get your First Communion.
And Tere? Gosh!
You always say,
"Religion is the 'podium' of the people."
- Opium, Mom. Opium.
- Same thing!
The point is
you all haven't been to church in ages.
I believe the Virgin came
to get rid of our debt.
- Huh?
- Really. Come on. Listen. Go ahead.
The Sanctuary of Our Lady of Lourdes
gets over six million visitors a year.
You see? Imagine if we ask
for a donation fee per person who visits.
That's not counting
the sales of bottled holy water,
and blessed scapulars, the real deal.
I must say I do not agree
with making money from faith.
We're not stealing anything from anyone.
It's a voluntary donation.
We can't keep people
from coming to pray to the Virgin
in this beautiful paradise.
You'll all go to Hell for scamming people!
That Virgin is nothing
but a stain from water.
Hmm! Excuse me.
You said you were going to talk
to your wife weeks ago.
Give me time.
How could you call
Silvia "Beatriz" in bed, my man?
Buy her something expensive.
Isn't that how rich people say sorry?
It's best not to say anything.
She'll probably forget.
Women never forget anything, Neto.
On the contrary, they accumulate things,
spite to throw back at us
during the next fight.
You don't accumulate that
But you sure accumulate old clothes.
- Hmm.
- You need to get rid of some.
You can go ahead.
As for me, I have nothing to throw out.
- But this one?
- Ah, I can use it to clean some mirrors.
Listen, you should be
more like Marie Kondo.
Get rid of it all if it doesn't spark joy.
Look, Neto.
This is the jersey
that sealed our friendship.
You want me to throw it out. No, right?
I'm really gonna miss you a lot, Neto.
I can't hide my feelings any longer.
I'm leaving this town.
Besides, nobody likes me
You won't move away.
Nobody will buy a house
with a stain shaped like the Virgin.
I don't think you know Leo very well.
She always gets her way.
Hold on.
Hello, my love.
Can you believe Leonor changed her mind
because of that stain?
I swear they're poor
because they choose to be.
I was so sure
we'd be free of this trash soon.
I'm so mad I need to hit someone!
Where are you?
At the tennis club,
but I'll be right back.
I had to lie to her.
You know how she is.
- It's not you. It's me.
- Look, it's not you. It's me.
Yes?
Ma'am, may I take the afternoon off
to go see the Virgin?
No, you may not.
I will not cooperate with those people
so they can keep the house.
I have to come up
with something to make them leave.
You're punishing me, aren't you?
Because of the ticket.
I didn't mean to steal it.
I only wanted the money
to pay for my car door.
Besides, it was God's will
that it was the winning one.
Wait a minute. Wait a minute.
Of course! That's it!
My punishment was having Silvia
as my neighbor, right?
There you go! I've done my penance.
Oh, Virgin, come on!
We can't afford to live here.
So, either God sends me millions,
or I'll sell the house. Hmm?
Understand? You choose.
WELCOME PILGRIMS
Hurry, Uncle.
- There it is, right?
- There Look!
If people drive up this way
Crista, can I talk to you?
- Hmm!
- Crista, please, wait!
She doesn't deserve you, Pablito, ey.
If I were you, I would
No, no, no, Uncle. It's all right.
I don't need your advice. Thank you.
Hey, Pablito.
RESTROOM $5- DONATIONS
God is with us. Hmm?
So, please, we ask you, be patient.
You, come in.
Now hold on.
I got here before,
just like many other people.
It's not fair.
Hold your horses.
What did Jesus say?
"The last will be the first
to enter Heaven."
Yes, that's true.
However, on Earth, the VIP's go first
because they gave more.
Well, that's not right.
I don't think it's fair. I'm leaving!
But, uh
- That was great, yeah?
- Mm, yes.
Uh, I mean,
um, uh, you're improving.
It may be our last time
before we move away.
You're really leaving?
- Mm-hmm.
- That sucks.
I've never been with someone like you.
You haven't? Me either.
Really? How so?
You tell me first.
You don't wax, you shave.
You went to public schools,
and you've been on the subway.
Ugh!
And I've never been with someone
who waxes his whole body
and shouts louder than me in bed.
But I'm the best you've ever had.
I bet you'll miss me.
I said you were improving,
but like all privileged people,
you only hear what you want to.
And you know what?
If one of us will miss it, it'll be you,
even if you won't admit it.
Look, I think it's a water leak.
Over here. What do you say?
My Lady of Guadalupe!
No, ma'am.
That's Our Lady. I won't touch her.
At least pay your entrance fee.
- Huh? Absolutely not.
- What the heck!
Honey. Honey!
I told you. The Virgin is very real.
- Oh, hey, that's Alberto del Arco.
- Who is that?
The ghostbuster. That one, who won
the horror contest with his videos.
- Oh yeah, father of the Baby Ghost!
- Of the Baby Ghost! That one!
Wait. Wait.
You're Alberto del Arco,
official ghostbuster, right?
- At your service.
- Yes.
- I'm Leonor, official owner of this house.
- Yeah. Okay.
- It's for sale. You want it?
- Including the Virgin?
- Sure, why not. Just take it.
- Hmm, that's a actual miracle, huh?
I'll give you 5% more
than what this fake blonde offers.
Where did you get that terrible dye job?
She offered the house to me first.
In fact, I have witnesses. Right, people?
Yeah. Sure.
- Tell her.
- Beto! Beto!
Okay. I'll give you 5% more
than what you pay this scammer.
Don't listen to her, Beto.
Pretend she's like the, uh, witch
that chased you in the forest.
I saw the video.
You're a specialist in spiritual things.
- Yes.
- This is a gold mine. I mean, a blessing.
Okay.
You know that six million people visit
Our Lady of Lourdes every year?
- Is that true?
- Yeah? Okay.
This way nobody will go to Hell.
We sell the house,
and Betito will continue
allowing pilgrims to see the Virgin.
Mm, as long as
he doesn't remove her, that's fine.
- What?
- The point is to fulfill God's will.
- Is it?
- Yeah, right.
So we're moving!
We're gonna be rich,
and I'll be able to have the car I want.
- Yes!
- I won't have to walk fat dogs.
And I won't have to go with you.
- That's true!
- And I can go to a better school.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
- I love you, Mommy.
- I love you too. I love you all.
No, no, no. We still have to celebrate.
Beto still has to sign.
Let's pray to God that the Virgin is real
and people come and keep visiting, okay?
Eat up before it gets cold.
- Yeah.
- Yeah. Whoo-hoo!
See how well it turned out.
Flowers?
Okay, good. Some beautiful flowers?
- No?
- Thank you.
How are you?
Hello. My name is Jean Michel.
- I'm from Haiti.
- Oh.
I'm going to California.
Oh no, don't worry about that.
For you, it's free.
Hey, that's not fair.
Uh, we're all paying to enter.
Except Jean Michel is not.
I suppose you're here to ask Our Lady
for a safe trip to the United States?
She thinks you might
get lost at the airport.
- Okay, take this.
- Thanks.
Excuse me.
- What's up with that?
- What, are you jealous?
Why didn't he get charged?
Because he's a migrant,
and he's probably been
through a lot to get this far.
You know what?
I'm gonna offer him my room
so he can sleep somewhere safe tonight.
- But, uh
- Jean Michel
Oh, poor Dieguito!
I think Tere is right.
I bet he's been through a lot.
However, the Lord always rewards us.
Yeah, he's Black,
which means he's all-natural.
So, he's good at sports?
Yeah, well, that too.
Okay, hold this for me, Janetita.
Have you heard
of the Black guy from WhatsApp?
You see, yeah?
With such an advantage,
it's impossible to fight
for a woman's love, don't you think?
"Once you go Black, you never go back"?
- That's what women really think?
- I think so, yeah.
No way.
Someone should make a meme of you two
for being racist and sexist.
No one believes
that all Black men have big penises
and that women only care about size.
That's so 20th century. You're both lame.
Don't listen to her, Diego.
She's too young.
She still thinks Zague became famous
because he was a good soccer player.
Oh, Dieguito. For example.
I won't charge you to go in. Come on!
It's too long. We should pray
the Express Rosary, Mother.
The express road is what the Lord will use
to send you straight to Hell, Genarito.
While we pray, can I talk to you?
So, in my soap opera,
the rich landowner,
Guillermo Rivera Duffour,
is having a romance with Sebastián Romero,
who is poor monetarily speaking,
but has a very rich heart.
The rich guy is also white.
Of course,
in most soap operas, everybody's white.
- Ivory tower.
- Pray for us.
Praise to God.
Praise to God. Praise to God.
They really love each other,
but they can't tell the townspeople.
From the beginning,
they decided to keep it a secret.
Do you think Sebastián should give Memo
a push to help him come out of the closet?
If the Virgin knows,
then the world should too.
Amen.
I need celestial advice.
I know I haven't been the best Catholic.
And I haven't sung "Happy Birthday" to you
at the Basilica since I was six,
but thanks to my grandmother,
I love and respect you.
Look.
Crista, please!
I've sent thousands of messages to Crista,
and she won't reply.
You think she thinks I'm a stalker?
Sure, I know,
it's all because of freaking social media.
Look, I've never tried to get likes
by pretending to be something I'm not.
- Tik Tok ábreme la puerta ♪
- Hey, hey, hey, hey!
All right, kids.
Okay. No. No, no, no, no, no. Never ask,
"Teacher, may I go to the store
to buy some glue for the project?"
Please, let's go. Please! Please! Wait!
Yes!
Well, in my defense,
that donkey is smarter than it looks.
And yes, that Tik Tok was lame.
But it was very wrong to spy on Crista.
TIK TOK MESSAGE RECEIVED
Ave Maria ♪
You're right! I'll just delete my Tik Tok.
You're s so cool, Virgin!
It's embarrassing.
I know they're really poor,
but he's not classless. Feel me?
Hmm, don't know
what that means, but it sounds horrible.
And he's not a bad person.
Since I started hanging out with Pablo,
I feel like
I've distanced myself from the world.
I haven't gone to the mall
or the spa with Mom.
I haven't used my credit card.
I can't remember the last time
I went to a club with Mariana.
It's all because of Pablo.
I knew you'd come back to me.
You realized your husband
won't make you as happy as me.
Mm.
Silvia, I think of you
every time I hear a slow love song.
I don't even like music.
Aw, sweetheart.
Look, there's only one thing
you can do to make me happy.
Anything, my love.
Can you pray?
Mm, mm-hmm.
Good.
One shouldn't hang out
with people who are different.
I think.
Gosh, Dad.
You sound like Mom.
You're going overboard.
Oh my God! Oh my God!
Oh my God!
I'm turning into a López.
No way! When did this happen?
- And I'd like to see you ♪
- Ugh!
When I think about you ♪
Repeating your outfit?
- Too soon, no?
- When I think about you ♪
When will I see you again my love? ♪
When? ♪
The nights are unbearable
Without your warmth ♪
No, I know that song
because Pablo is always singing it.
And you know what? I think I like it.
But don't tell Mom. She'd murder me.
I understand you perfectly.
It's horrible for your mom to think
that someone's social class
means that you can't be friends with them.
Exactly.
- But how did it happen to you?
- I have this friend.
If your mother finds out,
I think she'd kill me.
I know she would.
Mariana: Are you with your stalker?
Can we meet?
Crista: It's not me in those Tik Toks.
Mariana: So did your dad
delete his account?
Did you do something
to delete Pablo's Tik Tok account?
Me? Why would I delete it?
I don't even know how.
Oh, I can't believe this.
No! Pablito!
Oh, I gotta say sorry.
But a proper rich girl never apologizes.
Right?
Thank you, ma'am! Come and get it!
Holy water in a spray bottle.
Photos to post on Facebook.
Virgin Cola, the official drink.
Get your cap with the image
of Our Lady of Paradise Community.
Sorry, Virgin Mary.
I swear I'm doing this for love.
Stop it, you sinner!
Stop it!
- Come here!
- Sorry!
I swear the Virgin Mary asked me to do it.
She came to me, just like Juan.
Juan Diego?
That Indian guy.
But she told me
to bring a hammer to hit her.
- I think she wants to feel empowered.
- I'm the one who's empowered now.
You're gonna pay
for running this little errand.
Let's go to the police.
They'll get a load of dough
from a sacrilegious white boy.
- I'm sorry!
- Get moving.
- I'm sorry!
- Save your excuses. Heretic!
If they all find out it's a leak,
they'll beat us.
I know. Don't say it out loud.
We need a true miracle now,
but, uh, listen
That Virgin is the Devil.
Don't worry. We can fix her.
I promise. You can trust me.
Look at her. She has horns!
Forget it. I don't want any part of this.
You can forget about our deal.
Ah, no, but
VOLUNTARY DONATION
- Get out of here, you sinner!
- I'm leaving. Please! I'm leaving!
- Demonic evil!
- Please!
Ah! Hold on! Hold on! Where are you going?
Don't play stupid!
I know this is your fault.
Me?
Yes! I'm taking him
to the police station to confess.
And I don't care if they waterboard him,
and push water into all his orifices.
Hopefully just my nose.
I didn't do this.
He's always been an atheist.
That's why I fired him
when he was Crista's driving instructor.
He doesn't fear God.
There's no point
in taking him to the police station, okay?
- Uh-huh.
- Who will they believe?
- Mm.
- Me or you?
You know I still have the video.
So what do you think about that?
It's illegal for you
to sell tickets to see the Virgin.
That's why I had him destroy her.
And this taped confession
will be enough to put you behind bars.
And you can go straight to Hell!
I'll tell your whole family that you stole
that raffle ticket for the house from me.
How about that?
Remember I have a video
of you making out with this idiot.
I'm sure Ernesto will dump you
when he realizes
you paid a huge fine thanks to your lover.
- You wouldn't
- Honey, we have a problem.
Betito doesn't want
to buy the house anymore.
It turns out
that the Virgin was a water leak.
Oh no! That's too bad!
Now you have to sell it to me!
When will you
and your family finally understand
that you will never be able
to live in a neighborhood like this one.
That's life.
It's not your fault or my fault.
Of course, it's your fault.
You fly around us like a bug!
No, I do not! And this is Mexico.
- Here, the rich always win.
- Really? That still remains to be seen.
- Let's go.
- What remains to be seen?
What remains to be seen?
- My love
- You're an idiot!
I never wanna see your face!
But, my love
Oh, um
Why are you spying on me?
I just wanted to see your size.
All right.
I show you,
and you show me.
One.
- Two.
- Three!
Hey, Jean.
- What's this?
- It's not what you think!
I just wanted to know if
what they say about Black dudes is true.
- Wh What?
- What?
- I'm out of here.
- Don't you have any tact? Jean Michel!
Tere!
Jean Mi Jean Michel!
I made you
I made you some snacks.
Aren't you a migrant?
No.
I'm traveling with my club. We're bikers.
We're following the Pan-American Highway.
I just stopped to see a friend.
Why did you accept
my invite to stay at my house?
I thought you wanted a threesome,
but you turned out
to be a pair of racists.
My backpack.
At least I was right.
His penis is big.
TO NETO FROM GENI
WE'RE THE BEST TEAM EVER
When Silvia finds you, she'll realize
that Neto and I are good friends.
Hi.
Hi, Crista. Hey, uh, is there a way to
I came because I'm going on a trip,
and I have to tell you something.
It's important, and not easy
for someone like me to say.
- So, I need you to be quiet, okay?
- All right, but I want you to know
Look
I've come to realize
that Mariana and my friends
aren't my friends.
I always told you
Let me finish, okay? Please.
I also realized that you
are my best friend.
- What?
- My best friend.
- What?
- Ugh, that you're my best friend, okay?
- Really?
- Yes.
- Aw!
- That's not necessary, okay?
But But you said that we're best friends.
- Well, yes, but there are stages. Y'know?
- Stages?
First, we tell it all.
- Then, we can hug.
- Okay, yes.
- And then we exchange clothes.
- Exchange clothes.
Maybe not that one.
But not until the last stage,
can you post that we're friends.
Understand?
- Yes, that's fine. I understand.
- Okay.
Well, I have to go now.
- They're picking me up.
- Where are you going?
- To Tulum
- Ah!
with Mariana.
- I thought you weren't friends.
- Don't judge me, okay? It's complicated.
Besides, as my best friend,
you have to back me up.
Okay. All right.
I hope you enjoy it.
Thanks.
Bye.
Are you sure that's the right pipe, ma'am?
Yes, I'm sure.
And stop calling me that.
After this, Leonor will have to
give me the house, for sure.
Oh, no, no, no!
TO NETO FROM GENI
Diego! Crista!
Silvia! Cata!
I'm sorry, Virgin Mary, but
I'm not the devout Catholic I should be,
the one who turns the other cheek,
the one who should
feel guilty about everything.
Silvia left her purse with the ticket.
God wanted me to win this house.
And I'll never tell my family. Never!
You know why?
Because I don't want them to think
for a second that they don't deserve it.
What the!
Oh God!
What is all this?
It's all we could save from our house.
I don't know
how they'll manage not to repeat outfits.
Cata.
- May we stay at your place?
- Neto, did Silvia see my jersey?
Hey, I don't mean to be rude,
but seriously, one of you smells awful.
What are you doing here?
Look, this house
is about to be drenched in sewage.
Can't you smell it?
It was you.
Thanks to you,
our home is flooded in sewage.
That's why we asked to stay at their home.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
Just a minute. What are you doing?
Do you want to be
the neighborhood's laughing stock?
We couldn't recover
even on a reality show. Huh?
Where are you gonna sleep?
By the donkey? On the ground?
I don't care. We'll be safer
with the Lópezes than with you.
Ooh
- Ouch!
- Low blow.
Are you a martyr? Okay, fine.
- Diego, come on. Cata, bring the luggage.
- I'm in love with Tere!
Aw
What? Who? When?
That's why I looked at Jean Michel's junk.
Who is that?
And why did you want to see his package?
To see if it was worth
fighting for your love.
But I was scared to tell you
because of Silvia.
It was really hard to get you
to admit you're crazy about me.
No, no, no. Nobody can be crazy about you.
- God, have you seen what you look like?
- Hey, you don't mess with my daughter!
- Please. This is crazy.
- Genaro and I are seeing each other.
- What?
- What?
- It can't be.
- It can't be true.
Wait a minute. Just hold on.
We're just really good friends.
And we like the same soap opera, right?
Yes. You wrote a very nice note
for me on this jersey.
And because of you, it's gone.
Okay, let me explain. Okay.
All this is because of Leonor.
She believes she can live in this house.
I don't know what universe you live in.
Come on, Ernesto,
as soon as she sells the house to us,
and they move away,
all our problems will be gone.
We're gonna live here.
I'm not selling the house
to you or anybody else, got it?
Leo, you're making us live in poverty
because of your feud with her?
We'll figure something out.
We already survived six months, right?
We agreed to sell it
to get a better life for our family.
Exactly.
Money without dignity
is worthless, Genaro.
Yeah, but dignity
won't put food on the table.
- Yeah.
- You said we'd go to a better school.
- You don't care about us!
- You care about nothing.
Of course, she doesn't care about you
because this woman is a lunatic.
And I have to talk to you.
Beautiful lady ♪
Talk to me about you and your feelings ♪
No!
Talk to me, beautiful lady ♪
Tell me about yourself ♪
And about your lovers ♪
- Who's this idiot singing to?
- I don't know.
- To her!
- You bitch.
He's her lover.
- Leo?
- Excuse me?
No, no. He's not my lover.
Oh, but it is true
that this brat is in love with me.
Ernie, Diego, kids, family,
everybody go inside, please.
What What What are you doing here?
You're such a damn brat.
Please, have some self-respect, son.
- You really don't get it! Goddammit!
- Get out of here! Shoo! Shoo! Shoo! Shoo!
- Oh God!
- Ugh!
No, Leo.
Traitor!
I don't know what's up between you two,
but what I do know is you only think
about yourself and your feud.
You made us feel like
we were practically reaching our dreams,
when all you really wanted was to win.
The Lópezes and Espinozas
will be much better off
not dealing with the two of you.
- Mm-hmm.
- No, no, no. You too, Silvia.
Why don't you move in together
to the flooded house and leave us for now.
All because of your absurd war.
Wha
Don't think I'm going to thank you
for what you just did.
Ugh! I didn't think you would.
- I didn't do it for you.
- Mm. Mm-hmm.
If Neto finds out about Rober
Your Your family will find out
about the raffle ticket.
Like the poor people say,
there's no such thing as a free lunch.
They also say that
rich people always find a way
to blame poor people
for everything, right?
Ugh
I call the master bedroom!
What? No! Not my bedroom! No!
- Of course!
- Don't you dare! No!
Ew!
- Hurry! What a stench.
- No!
Disgusting!
Oh my God! Oh, honey, don't come in here.
Just stay there.
Go to the other house.